11x03 - Where The Guys Are

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday Happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday Happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday Happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes My cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪



-♪ Goodbye, gray sky Hello, blue ♪

-♪ Hello, blue ♪



-♪ There's nothin' can hold me When I hold you ♪

-♪ Hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right It can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin' All week long ♪

[saxophone solo]

♪ Sunday, Monday Happy days ♪



-♪ Tuesday, Wednesday Happy days ♪

-♪ Whoa, whoa, ooh ♪



-♪ Thursday, Friday Happy days ♪

-♪ Whoa, whoa, ooh ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week With you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪

♪ These happy days Are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days Are yours and mine ♪

♪ Happy days ♪♪



-[Marion] Oh, Howard, how about this, Hawaii?

-Oh, yeah.

Marion, I always take you

to the Wiki Wiki Room for dinner. It's the same thing.

And what's wrong with my suggestion?

Dad, the Everglades?

Three people, three nights, $?

You're a real sport.

Oh, how about Mexico?

Oh, now, Dad, you'd like that.

You could dive off the cliffs for coins.

The Everglades is cheaper for two.

Listen to me. Would you please...

Will you please just leave

-

- just leave us alone,

all right, Fonz? games is enough.

No! I want more b

-ball!

Look, Fonz, your enthusiasm is commendable,

but your skills are a little bit weak.

Yeah, all you do is punch and sh**t.

Hey, let me tell ya somethin'.

If I'm ready to sh**t and you put your arms up like that,

you leave yourself wide open.

Will you just leave us alone for a while?



-No, I will not, you deadheads.

-Why not?

'Cause you're in bad shape, you know that?

I'm gonna pump some iron by myself.

You should be in better shape.



-You know why, don't ya?

-[Roger] No, why?

Because your body is where you spend most of your life.

Oh, I feel so sorry for Arthur.



-What about us?

-Yeah.

Well, you know why he's acting like this.

No, I don't.

Because of Ashley. You didn't know?



-[Potsie] No.

-They broke up.

He's pretending like it doesn't bother him.

He won't even look at another woman.

Aha! That's why all the ball

-playing.

We studied this in psychology.

You know, often when a person suffers a loss,

they try to deflect the pain

by submerging themselves into physical activities.

Well, Warren!

You're going to make a wonderful psychologist!

Marion, this is the man who thinks wing nuts are a party snack.

I only ate one!

Look, all Fonzie needs is a change of environment.

Why don't you guys get him out of town

for a few days so he can have some fun?

That's a wonderful idea.

Sounds great, but count me out this weekend.

I'm headin' to Lake Whitefish for a fun

-and

-sun retreat.

A what?

Singles weekend.

You can do great with girls there 'cause no one knows ya.

Yeah, those weekends can be fun.

How do you know that, Howard?

Oh, well, um, uh, some of the guys down at the lodge, Marion,

they

-

- they

-

- they've been to those things.

Who? Who, Howard, who? I thought most of the lodge members were married.

Well, yes, but some of them are more married than others, Marion.

I want names!

Singles weekend? That'd be perfect for Fonzie.



-A smorgasbord of eligible women.

-Yeah.

You know, once his hormones kick in,

he's gonna forget all about Ashley.

Yeah, and of course you couldn't leave him alone



-with all those women.

-No.

Good buddies that you are, you'd want to go with him.



-Oh, yeah.

-Oh, come on, you guys.

Those things are nothing but tawdry, sleazy meat markets.

[boys chuckle] Ooh!

Try not to slobber on the carpet, okay?

Yeah. Oh, hey, guys,

you know, considering the state that Fonzie's in,

maybe we shouldn't mention anything

about it being a singles weekend.

Yeah, you're right, Roger. I think we should soft

-pedal the girl aspect.

Yeah, you got it.

All right, I need one of you deadheads.

Somebody's gotta spot me on the trampoline.

What are you smilin' about?

Looks like you're lookin' up dirty words in a dictionary.

You know, Fonz, we were just thinking

about going up to Lake Whitefish for a, uh, little, um, a...



-A sports weekend, Fonz. You'll love it.

-Yeah.



-It's guys and... and sports!

-Sports.



-Yeah.

-It'll take a whole weekend.

Uh

-huh.

What do you mean? You mean guys doin' guy things?



-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Oh, yeah? See, I always think that guys don't spend enough time



-with their guy friends.

-We were just sayin' that.

No kidding. All right, look, you're on. I'll do this.



-Yeah? All right.

-This is great. One thing.



-I gotta warn you. You're gonna work very hard.

-What?

You're gonna breathe very heavy this weekend. All right?

[all] Ooh!

I have d*ed and gone to heaven.

Look, Pots, don't wake me if I'm dreamin', all right?

What'd I tell you, Chach, huh? Here we go. [laughs]

All right, Fonz, we're almost there.

Oh, sorry about the blindfold.

I'll take it off in a sec.



-You're gonna take it off?

-Yeah.

I thought we were gonna box, and this was gonna make it even.



-Ta

-da!

-What do you see, Fonz?



-Girls.

-Yeah!

It was all my idea, Fonz. [laughs]

You lied to me!

You told me this was a sporting camp!

It was all their idea! I tried to stop 'em!

Calm down, Fonz. All right, so we lied.



-Yeah, you lied.

-But we meant well.

I'm just as surprised as you are.

Thanks a lot, Roger.

But, Fonz, we're just worried about ya, that's all.

You don't worry about me. You understand?

I can take care of myself.



-Oh, is that right? Yeah?

-That's right.

You're up here with a bushelful of beautiful women,

and you're wearin' boxing gloves.



-You know why? My body is a temple.

-Why?

And you violated me.

There is nothing different about me.

Hi, I'm Debbie.

Put some clothes on.

Fonz, "put some clothes on"?



-You heard me.

-You gotta forget about Ashley.



-Yeah!

-I don't gotta forget about anybody, you understand?



-Let me tell you somethin'.

-What?

I can't believe you did this to me. My buddies... and Potsie.

You lied to me.

You brought me up here under false pretenses.

Now, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna do sit

-ups, I'm gonna call a cab,

and I'm gettin' outta here. And you, b*at yourself up.

We blew it.



-Yup.

-Yeah.



-We're garbage.

-Mm

-hmm.

No, no. We're worse than garbage.



-You know what we are? We're sludge.

-What? Yeah.

Yeah.

[sighs] We betrayed a friend's trust when he needed us the most.

Ah, we'd probably all feel better if we just went back with Fonzie.



-Yeah.

-Yeah.

On the other hand,

Fonzie could use a little time alone.

All right.

Here we are, room .



-Now, you, uh, know what that number means, don't ya?

-Mnh

-mnh.

The two of us are gonna have one fun time to

-night.



-[laughs] That's cute. That's cute.

-Yeah.

Listen, why don't you make yourself comfortable there, Debbie?



-Uh, why four beds?

-What?

Four beds?

Oh. Uh, I

-

- I had them send a selection up.

You see, I, uh, I got this bad back.

Oh, that's terrible!

Yeah, yeah, you know what they say, you can't buy health,

even with the kind of money I make.

Normally I would insist on the penthouse,

but, uh... my valet gets nosebleeds.



-This is just fine, Dr. Weber.

-Yeah.

Fine.

"Dr. Weber"?

Excuse me, doctor, but this room is occupied.

What are you doin' here? Get out!

That's no way to talk to a congressman!

What?

Roger. We're not alone!

[laughing] Oh, hi.

Uh, no, no, you see, these are merely my associates.

I'm sure they're on their way out.

Gentlemen, please.

Ladies, if you'll take this opportunity

to, uh, freshen yourselves up,

I'm sure the men can work this out.

Well, okay.

But you should let Roger have whatever he wants.

He only has three months to live.

[coughs]



-Three months to live, huh?

-Yeah.

Who diagnosed you, the doctor here?

Oh, that's real funny, Mr. Politician.

[indistinct arguing]



-Fellas!

-[men] What?

There is a very strange man in here

doing chin

-ups on your shower bar!



-It's all yours, girls.

-Oh.



-Fonz, we thought you left hours ago.

-Yeah.

Oh, yeah, I thought so too.

When the cabdriver pulled up, he took one look around.

He said, "Hey, I'm spending the weekend here."

Now I'm stuck in this den of antiquities.

Yeah, listen, uh, we're really sorry about that, Fonz.

In fact, tomorrow morning,

we'd like to take you out to breakfast to apologize.

Yeah, but right now, we've got these three gorgeous chicks, Fonz.

Hey, put the paints away. I get the picture.



-All right?

-All right.

You lie to me, you bring me up here, but it's all right,

you find three beautiful girls, and you want the room to yourself.



-Yeah.

-You got it.



-I understand.

-[all cheering]



-And you know what I'm gonna do for you guys?

-[all] What?

I'm just gonna stand right over here in the corner,

quiet as a church key.

"Quiet as a church key"?

Can you believe this? Can you believe it?

We got the chance of a lifetime in the bathroom,

and we got Jack LaLanne in the corner.



-Looks like we only got one choice, guys.

-What?

We're gonna have to k*ll him.

Hey, mister? Can we come out now?

We're getting dizzy from the bowl deodorizer.

Uh, listen, ladies,

I don't think this room is gonna work out.

Well, that's okay. We've come up with a better idea, anyway.



-Oh, yeah?

-What's that?

Yeah. We thought we could all go take a sauna.

Together.

Just let us grab our swimsuits.

Oh, you won't need them.

[men] Ooh!

[Potsie] You see? The pool closes at nine.

This is gonna be perfect.

Just us, all by our lonesome.

Well, why don't you guys go get undressed?

Make it all nice and steamy in there.

That way, we'll have no reason to keep our towels on.

[men] Ooh!

Girls?

Yes!

Hey, listen, I gotta tell ya,



-I knew we were gonna do great up here.

-What?

You know, when we get back to Milwaukee,

I think we should all hang out together.

There's a chemistry between us, and we shouldn't waste it.



-Yeah.

-Cool.

Kind of like "the three musketeers of love."

You know, guys, I want you to know

how much I appreciate this extraordinary weekend.

This is gonna be great.

Yeah! Come on, guys! Come on! Let's go!

Come on!

I'm sweating!

Does it have to be this hot?

That's the idea, Pots.



-Here they come!

-Are they undressed yet?

No, not yet. They're waving.

[all] Hi!

Look at this! Now they're straightening up our clothes.

Oh, hey, these are classy girls.

Now they're lookin' in our pockets.



-Yeah.

-Yeah.



-Now they're takin' our wallets.

-[both] They're taking our wallets!



-My God! They're takin' our wallets!

-We're locked in here!

Hey, you stop that! Bad girls!

[inaudible dialogue]

Look at that, huh?

They don't know that you can be passionate...

and neat at the same time, huh?

[inaudible dialogue]

No, no, no, go ahead, stay with your girls. It's all right.

No, no, no, I ain't comin' in there.

Um, friends of yours?

Oh, hey, I didn't see you there.



-Yeah, yeah. Just, uh, you know.

-[thud]

Don't you beg me! I'm not comin' in there!

No!

Oh, come on, you don't have to see this.

Thanks.

Unbelievable. [sighs]

Well, I'm afraid I'm stuck out here for a while.

One of my roommates just picked up a cabdriver.

Sure, my ride home.

You wanted to leave too?

Leave? I didn't want to be here.

My friends lied to me.

They told me it was a sporting camp!

My girlfriends told me we were going backpacking.

I should have been suspicious

when one of them got a nose job.

Heh. Yeah.

Um, I'm Barbara McManus.

Arthur Fonzarelli. Nice.

Do you believe this place?

Everybody up here lies to impress each other.

I never saw people work so hard, you know?

They're runnin' themselves ragged.

Yeah, you know, I had one guy come up to me

and tell me he was a congressman.

I mean, the guy couldn't have been more than .

Twenty.

You know, it makes you want to get married

to the first bozo who comes along

just to avoid the single life.

I was the king of singles, you know,

until I fell in love with them.

Them?

No, not them, but...

Down here...

there was a cute, little girl.

Name was Heather.

She was a hugger. I tell ya,

she could hug better than anybody I ever met.

And then, up here was her mom,

the woman that I spent my life lookin' for, you know?

Ashley.

Arthur, if you don't want to talk about it

-

-

No, I got to, I got to.

I don't have my weights here.

I'll tell ya, it was a great year of my life,

best year of my life. Hers too.

I was drinkin' out of rose

-colored glasses, you know?

Well, did she leave you?

No. I left them.

Just when everything was goin' so great, you know...

her ex

-husband comes back.

You know what the bum did?

He got a job and stopped drinkin'.

He got better. I could have k*lled him.

And Ashley?

Understandably torn.

But when I saw the look in that little girl's eyes

when she saw her daddy, you know,

I figured I had to give him a sh*t.

So you backed off.

I backed off, yeah.



-To give Ashley some room to find out how she felt.

-To give Ashley some room...

Right.

And it hurts.

[in high

-pitch voice] Yeah!

You know, what's interesting is that since then,

I don't, uh, feel what I... what I used to...

Whoa, it's a warm night, ain't it? It's very warm.

You're a very sensitive and caring person.

Well, you must be very special too,

because I haven't been able to get this out of my system

to people I know my whole life.

Well, sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger

than someone you know.

I heard that. I heard that.

Is there anything else you want to talk about?

We can't. We're no longer strangers.

Uh, listen, uh, Ms. McManus, very nice to meet you.

Why don't you read your book, all right?



-Arthur.

-Yeah?

Would you read me a chapter?

Yeah, I could read you one chapter, you know.

But I don't do voices.

Oh, I don't mind. [giggles]

Thank you.

All right.

"Charlotte's Broken Heart.

A novel for everyone who ever searched for love.

Chapter one.

Charlotte stood at the very, very edge of the cliff.

And she heard the soft wind wisping over the grass

of the Brockmore heath."

There's good action. Good action.

"As she stood very, very still,

in the distance, she heard a mockingbird."

[whistling]

I do birds. I don't do voices, but I do birds.

[sighs]

Anything wrong?

Actually, uh...

no.

"She thought of Glen,

and her body remembered a different time."

[bird chirping]

Morning.

Water! Fonz, drag me to a pool and gimme a straw.

Are you pounding out a message?

Oh, you want me down there.

Potsie.

Oh, yeah, he's still in there.

He's tryin' to fan himself with his tongue.

[Potsie] No! No, don't take me out, Fonz!

Don't take me out! The girls are supposed to meet us here.

Potsie, don't be an idiot.

Those girls didn't like us.

Mine liked me a little.

Well, this ought to make you feel better.

Here, your wallets.

This must be yours. Roy Rogers.

Well, let me tell you somethin'.

This morning, uh, the security and I caught your dates

tryin' to sneak out of the hotel.

After you, they ripped off nine other suckers.



-You know, Fonz?

-Huh?

A lot of things go through a man's mind

when he's locked up in a sauna all night.

When I wasn't hallucinating,

I was thinking about how wrong we were

to trick you into coming up here with us.

We were just animals.

Selfish, mindless, greedy pigs,

willing to walk over our friend for a little cheap sex.

We should have told 'em we were policemen.

Well, I tell you somethin'. It's okay, huh?

'Cause you were just thinkin' about me.

For the most part.



-Another message.

-Yeah.

Yeah?

We wanted you to forget about...



-Ashley.

-Yeah.

Listen, guys, it's gonna take me a while

to get over that, you know?

But I did learn somethin' this weekend.



-What?

-A man must move forward,

like that gentle breeze over the grass of Brockmore heath.



-What?

-Huh?



-Don't you guys read?

-Charlotte's Broken Heart.

Hey, how about if I treat you to a glass of water, huh?



-[all] Ooh!

-Yeah.



-♪ Goodbye, gray sky Hello, blue ♪

-♪ Hello, blue ♪



-♪ 'Cause nothin' can hold me When I hold you ♪

-♪ When I hold you ♪

♪ Feels so right It can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin' All week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪

♪ These happy days Are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days Are yours and mine ♪

♪ Happy days ♪♪