07x09 - Head Lice
Posted: 12/16/23 14:55
[chuckling]
[bluesy rock music]
♪ ♪
- [muttering]
- Now, if we multiply both sides of the equation
by x, we have an exponent of .
Now-- - [loud muttering]
- What in the hell is that noise?
Beavis and Butt-Head, what in the hell is wrong with you?
Oh, my God.
You two little turds have got lice.
- Uh, huh?
- What?
- Bugs! You've got bugs in your hair!
- You mean, like, daddy longlegs and worms
and centipedes?
- No, idiot.
I mean scalp-biting, bloodsucking,
disease-carrying parasites!
- Cool.
- [muttering]
- Yep, you boys have the worst case of head lice
I've ever seen.
- "Head."
- Yeah.
- We've got bugs in our hair.
- Yeah.
[as Cornholio] Do you have any tsetse flies?
Tsetse.
- Well, these lice are pretty disgusting.
Here, I'll show you what they really look like.
Take a look under the microscope.
- Um, I don't see any bugs.
- Yeah.
- Just look into the little hole.
[both chuckling]
- Put your eye there!
- Uh, oh.
- Oh, yeah.
Ah.
[chuckling]
Hey, Butt-Head.
This one's taking a dump.
- No, no, it's laying eggs.
In fact, hundreds of them are doing that on your scalp
right now.
- Cool.
Yeah.
- Now, here's the name of a special shampoo
and a lotion for skin irritation.
- You said "foreskin."
- Yeah.
Foreskin irritation.
- And you need to make sure you wash your hair thoroughly,
clean all your clothes and sheets in hot water,
and boil your combs.
You've got to k*ll every one of those little bugs,
or you'll never get rid of them.
- Yeah, yeah!
And k*ll them!
- Yeah.
This is going to be cool.
- Yeah.
[chuckling]
Hey, Butt-Head.
What does that note say?
- Uh, I think we have to, like, buy
a subscription to a special shampoo or something.
- No way!
I'm not going to spend money on shampoo.
- Yeah.
Let's k*ll these bugs the old-fashioned way.
- Yeah.
[objects clattering]
[both chuckling]
- Ow!
What the hell are you doing, asswipe?
- I'm kicking a bug's ass! Yeah!
- Ugh! - Yeah.
- Ow!
I'm going to kick your ass, fartknocker!
[grunts] - Ow!
[grunting]
Ow.
- Now, get up.
We got to, like, use an infesticide.
Now, hold still, buttmunch.
[spray hissing]
- [coughing]
Um, hey, Butt-Head.
This stuff isn't working.
[coughs]
We need to, like, try something else.
- Uh, okay.
[fly buzzing]
[zap]
Hey, Beavis.
Let's electrocute them.
- Yeah.
[chuckling]
Hey, Butt-Head! Check it out.
This thing's got bug guts stuck to it.
Yeah.
- Bug zappers rule.
[zap]
- Whoa!
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that'll show you!
What about you?
You want some, too?
Come on!
Bunghole!
- Shut up and put your head in, dumbass.
- Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Ow!
Ow.
[grunts]
Damn it.
Um, this, like, doesn't work on people or something.
- You dumbass.
You got to, like, open it first.
- Um, oh, yeah, yeah.
[grunting]
[zapping, both screaming]
Whoa!
[chuckling]
Hey, Butt-Head, are they dead?
[coughs]
- Uh, I think we got 'em, dude.
Um, uh, wait a minute.
Damn it.
I think I've got some more bugs on my nads.
- Uh, how'd they get there, Beavis?
- Um, I don't know.
Damn it.
- Maybe you should stick your wiener in the bug zapper.
- Um, yeah, yeah.
That's a really good idea, Butt-Head.
Yeah.
Let's get this down here.
Yeah, there we go.
Just do that.
[unzips]
[zapping, screaming]
No!
[heavy metal music]
- Dumbass. - No!
[Beastie Boys' "Sabotage"]
- Yes!
- Yeah, yeah, here it is!
- It's about time. - It's on, Butt-Head!
It's on! - Okay, Beavis.
Now, shut up.
- Oh, yeah. Okay.
I'm just going to shut my mouth and watch.
Yeah.
[vocalizing along]
Yeah! Kick this door open.
Yeah, they're going to kick some ass now.
- Beavis, you said you were going to shut up.
- Oh, oh, sorry.
I'm just going to shut up and listen.
Yeah, yeah! Kick it!
Yeah. Now, see, this guy--
this guy's going up on the roof.
And this guy doesn't know what's going to happen.
And so when they get in-- when he goes into his apartment,
they're going to beat the living crap out of him!
Check this out. - Damn it, Beavis.
I told you to shut up.
- Okay, okay.
I'm not going to say anything.
I'm just-- I'm just going to be quiet.
I'm just going to be quiet for a while.
[chuckling]
Whoa, whoa, check this-- check this out.
Check us out. Check it out, see.
He--he's coming. He's delivering room service.
- Damn it, Beavis.
- Aah! Oh, oh, sorry.
Yeah, I forgot.
Yeah, this is exciting.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, see.
Now, that's Stewart Wallace. See?
So Stewart Wallace, he plays himself.
[chuckling]
This is going to be cool when this video finally comes out.
- Uh, what are you talking about, Beavis?
- You know, when the-- when the real video
finally comes out.
- This is the video, dumbass.
- No way.
That's cool.
Whoa. Hey, Butt-Head.
See, this is Fred Kelly.
He plays Bunny. - Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, it's Nathan Wind!
See? It's Cochese!
- Cochese is cool.
- Yeah, Cochese kicks ass!
And that's the rookie, see?
See Cochese back there? - Uh-huh.
- See, the rookie, he's got a really short fuse, see?
- Oh, yeah.
- It's like, he's pretty good,
but it's like, he's got a bad temper,
and so, like, Cochese has to calm him down sometimes.
- Cool.
[bluesy rock music]
♪ ♪
[bluesy rock music]
♪ ♪
- [muttering]
- Now, if we multiply both sides of the equation
by x, we have an exponent of .
Now-- - [loud muttering]
- What in the hell is that noise?
Beavis and Butt-Head, what in the hell is wrong with you?
Oh, my God.
You two little turds have got lice.
- Uh, huh?
- What?
- Bugs! You've got bugs in your hair!
- You mean, like, daddy longlegs and worms
and centipedes?
- No, idiot.
I mean scalp-biting, bloodsucking,
disease-carrying parasites!
- Cool.
- [muttering]
- Yep, you boys have the worst case of head lice
I've ever seen.
- "Head."
- Yeah.
- We've got bugs in our hair.
- Yeah.
[as Cornholio] Do you have any tsetse flies?
Tsetse.
- Well, these lice are pretty disgusting.
Here, I'll show you what they really look like.
Take a look under the microscope.
- Um, I don't see any bugs.
- Yeah.
- Just look into the little hole.
[both chuckling]
- Put your eye there!
- Uh, oh.
- Oh, yeah.
Ah.
[chuckling]
Hey, Butt-Head.
This one's taking a dump.
- No, no, it's laying eggs.
In fact, hundreds of them are doing that on your scalp
right now.
- Cool.
Yeah.
- Now, here's the name of a special shampoo
and a lotion for skin irritation.
- You said "foreskin."
- Yeah.
Foreskin irritation.
- And you need to make sure you wash your hair thoroughly,
clean all your clothes and sheets in hot water,
and boil your combs.
You've got to k*ll every one of those little bugs,
or you'll never get rid of them.
- Yeah, yeah!
And k*ll them!
- Yeah.
This is going to be cool.
- Yeah.
[chuckling]
Hey, Butt-Head.
What does that note say?
- Uh, I think we have to, like, buy
a subscription to a special shampoo or something.
- No way!
I'm not going to spend money on shampoo.
- Yeah.
Let's k*ll these bugs the old-fashioned way.
- Yeah.
[objects clattering]
[both chuckling]
- Ow!
What the hell are you doing, asswipe?
- I'm kicking a bug's ass! Yeah!
- Ugh! - Yeah.
- Ow!
I'm going to kick your ass, fartknocker!
[grunts] - Ow!
[grunting]
Ow.
- Now, get up.
We got to, like, use an infesticide.
Now, hold still, buttmunch.
[spray hissing]
- [coughing]
Um, hey, Butt-Head.
This stuff isn't working.
[coughs]
We need to, like, try something else.
- Uh, okay.
[fly buzzing]
[zap]
Hey, Beavis.
Let's electrocute them.
- Yeah.
[chuckling]
Hey, Butt-Head! Check it out.
This thing's got bug guts stuck to it.
Yeah.
- Bug zappers rule.
[zap]
- Whoa!
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that'll show you!
What about you?
You want some, too?
Come on!
Bunghole!
- Shut up and put your head in, dumbass.
- Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Ow!
Ow.
[grunts]
Damn it.
Um, this, like, doesn't work on people or something.
- You dumbass.
You got to, like, open it first.
- Um, oh, yeah, yeah.
[grunting]
[zapping, both screaming]
Whoa!
[chuckling]
Hey, Butt-Head, are they dead?
[coughs]
- Uh, I think we got 'em, dude.
Um, uh, wait a minute.
Damn it.
I think I've got some more bugs on my nads.
- Uh, how'd they get there, Beavis?
- Um, I don't know.
Damn it.
- Maybe you should stick your wiener in the bug zapper.
- Um, yeah, yeah.
That's a really good idea, Butt-Head.
Yeah.
Let's get this down here.
Yeah, there we go.
Just do that.
[unzips]
[zapping, screaming]
No!
[heavy metal music]
- Dumbass. - No!
[Beastie Boys' "Sabotage"]
- Yes!
- Yeah, yeah, here it is!
- It's about time. - It's on, Butt-Head!
It's on! - Okay, Beavis.
Now, shut up.
- Oh, yeah. Okay.
I'm just going to shut my mouth and watch.
Yeah.
[vocalizing along]
Yeah! Kick this door open.
Yeah, they're going to kick some ass now.
- Beavis, you said you were going to shut up.
- Oh, oh, sorry.
I'm just going to shut up and listen.
Yeah, yeah! Kick it!
Yeah. Now, see, this guy--
this guy's going up on the roof.
And this guy doesn't know what's going to happen.
And so when they get in-- when he goes into his apartment,
they're going to beat the living crap out of him!
Check this out. - Damn it, Beavis.
I told you to shut up.
- Okay, okay.
I'm not going to say anything.
I'm just-- I'm just going to be quiet.
I'm just going to be quiet for a while.
[chuckling]
Whoa, whoa, check this-- check this out.
Check us out. Check it out, see.
He--he's coming. He's delivering room service.
- Damn it, Beavis.
- Aah! Oh, oh, sorry.
Yeah, I forgot.
Yeah, this is exciting.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, see.
Now, that's Stewart Wallace. See?
So Stewart Wallace, he plays himself.
[chuckling]
This is going to be cool when this video finally comes out.
- Uh, what are you talking about, Beavis?
- You know, when the-- when the real video
finally comes out.
- This is the video, dumbass.
- No way.
That's cool.
Whoa. Hey, Butt-Head.
See, this is Fred Kelly.
He plays Bunny. - Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, it's Nathan Wind!
See? It's Cochese!
- Cochese is cool.
- Yeah, Cochese kicks ass!
And that's the rookie, see?
See Cochese back there? - Uh-huh.
- See, the rookie, he's got a really short fuse, see?
- Oh, yeah.
- It's like, he's pretty good,
but it's like, he's got a bad temper,
and so, like, Cochese has to calm him down sometimes.
- Cool.
[bluesy rock music]
♪ ♪