05x49 - Green Thumbs

[bunniefuu]

[both chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

- This sucks.

- Yeah. We need, like, more money.

- Uh, good thinking, Beavis.

- Yeah, yeah. Thanks.

You know, it's like-- it's pretty cool how, like,

$ isn't that much, but it's like,

if you get, like, another one

and, like, another one, it's, like, pretty soon

you can, like, get some nachos.

It's like--it's like, we need a machine where you can, like,

put a dollar in and it's, like,

you get, like, another dollar out.

And it's like, then you can take that dollar

and put it back in the machine and, like, get another dollar.

Ah!

- Shut up, dumbass.

I've got, like, an idea.

- Yeah, yeah, me too. That's what I'm saying.

So you got to listen to me, Butt-Head.

It's like this machine that, like, makes money.

Ah!

- Check it out, Beavis.

Our problems have been solved.

[both chuckling]

[Our Lady Peace's "Starseed"]

- Hey, check it out.

It's those "Black Hole Sun" mountains.

- Oh, yeah. I heard about that.

It's like, there are these hills outside Seattle,

and they call them the "Black Hole Sun" mountains.

And it's like, they're just filled with bands and stuff.

- Whoa, really?

That'd be cool if you could, like,

take, like, a bus tour through the hills

and see all the bands.

- Yeah.

That would kick ass.

It'd be like, up on your left is Soundgarden.

- Yeah, yeah.

And if you're be real quiet,

we might see Alice in Chains.

- Yeah.

- And if you be real quiet,

we might be able to see these butt munches.

[both chuckling]

- ♪ But it won't be easy ♪

♪ They won't believe how a man ♪

♪ He could drown in a starseed, starseed ♪

- Church. [both chuckle]

- Yeah.

Church rules 'cause, like, there's always,

like, snakes in church and, like, chicks

getting it on and, like, dudes bleeding

and lots of guitars and stuff. Church rules.

- Beavis, what the hell are you talking about?

That's not what happens in church.

You've never even been to church.

- I know, but I've seen it in video and stuff,

and like, there's always lots of smoke and snakes

and, like, cool stuff, yeah.

- Beavis, church isn't like that.

I went to church once, and it's like,

there was a bunch of butt munches

strumming guitars going...

♪ Here we are all together ♪

♪ As we sing our song joyfully ♪

[both chuckling]

- Yeah? Well, that sounds pretty cool.

- No, it's not, Beavis.

It sucks.

And then it's like you have to go up

and, like, this guy puts a cr*cker in your mouth

and, like, sprays water on you and stuff.

- Really? Well, that sounds cool too.

Yeah.

- Uh, yeah, I guess it is kind of cool.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. See?

See, that's not that bad.

♪ Here we are all together as we sing our song ♪

both: ♪ Joyfully ♪

♪ Keep the fire burning and kindle it with care ♪

♪ And we'll all join in and sing ♪

- Yeah. Sounds pretty cool.

[both chuckle]

- We're going to be rich.

Uh, we'd like copies of this dollar bill, please.

[both chuckle]

- Hey, man, are you aware that you're asking me

to commit a federal crime?

- Uh, no.

Uh, it's for, like, school,

for a class on, like, money and stuff.

- Yeah, yeah.

It's called money--money--

it's called money and chicks.

- That would be cool. - Yeah, yeah.

It's like, first the teacher gave us, like, the money

and then we, like, get to go score

with all these chicks, yeah.

It's pretty cool.

You should sign up. - Uh, Beavis--

- Then after we score with the chicks,

we get more money.

And then like-- and then, like, more chicks

'cause we have more money.

Then we get more, more, more--

ah!

- Whatever.

You can use those machines in the corner.

[both chuckling]

- Whoa.

Whoa.

Money.

Whoa.

- This is cool.

I can't believe no one's ever thought of this before.

Check it out.

- Yeah. Yeah.

We're rich.

Yeah, we're rich.

Money. Money. Money.

[both chuckling]

- Check this out, Butt-Head.

Hey, check it out.

See?

I like to help the kids.

You know what I'm saying?

- Uh, pretty smooth, Beavis.

Why don't you let a real man handle this?

Uh, hey, baby.

Like, uh, take it off.

There's plenty more where that came from.

Ugh!

Ow.

- Wussy.

- At least she touched me, dillhole.

No, Beavis.

Get the big burrito.

We're rich.

- Oh, yeah.

[both chuckling]

- Uh, there you go.

- Son, are these counterfeit bills?

- Uh, why do you ask?

- Son, I've got a mind to throw you out of the store.

- Uh, maybe this will change your mind.

- I don't think you understand.

I could have the cops in here to bust you.

- Uh, here you go.

Let's just, like, forget all about it.

- Do I look like a moron?

Why don't you get the hell out of my store?

- Uh, maybe you'd like to reconsider?

- Yeah.

- Get out!

- Ah! What are you doing? - Get the hell out.

- Butt-Head, he's ripping up all our cash.

- Get out. - Ah! Ah!

- Give it back, butt hole.

- What the hell are you doing?

- Damn it! I want my nickel back!

Ah!

- Don't worry, Beavis.

There's more where that came from.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

You can, like, rip up all our money,

'cause we're just going to go get more

and you can't stop us, butt hole.

[both chuckling]

- Yeah.

Uh, we'll be back.

- Michael, are you crazy? - Uh, Michael who?

- I can't believe what you're wearing, what you look like.

- Michael Jackson?

- In high school, you looked so normal.

I thought you were going to be a doctor or a lawyer

or something normal like that.

- Normal, huh?

Normal is something people are until you get to know them.

Everybody's crazy.

[Michael Bolton's "Everybody's Crazy"]

- ♪ Everybody's crazy ♪

- Oh, my God. It's Michael Bolton.

- No, it's not.

Uh, uh-oh.

- What? What?

- I think I just pooped in my pants.

- No way, really?

- I realized it was Michael Bolton

and my bowels let loose.

[both chuckling]

- ♪ She lives tonight in every school boys dream.

- Boy, he's, like, he's trying to play

heavy metal now or something.

- He could probably make any kind of music suck.

- Yeah, it's like he's probably

going to do gangsta rap next.

Probably like, dropping plates on your ass, bee-otch.

- Yeah, then he'd put the smack down.

- ♪ The human condition, it's the nature of... ♪

- How come chicks like this dude so much?

- Uh, there's some snakes and bombs in this.

Maybe he has a b*mb in his pants.

[both chuckling]

- Well, you know, um, you have a BM in your pants.

Like, maybe you could, like, you know, go up to a chick

and, like, say, yeah, I have a BM in my pants.

- Beavis, I was just kidding.

I didn't poop in my pants.

Dumbass.

- Oh, really?

- Damn it. We need, like, another dollar.

- Yeah, yeah. I know.

That guy tore all of ours up.

- No, dumbass, I mean, like a real dollar.

We spent all our money on those copies.

- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah?

- Uh, so, uh, can we, like, borrow $?

We're, like, doing some extra credit

for, like, this one class.

- Yeah, yeah.

It's called, um, um,

can I, um, borrow $?

Can I borrow $? Yeah. It's about sharing.

Yeah. - Yeah.

We'll, like, give it right back.

[upbeat metal music]

♪ ♪

[Beastie Boys' "Pass the Mic"]

[upbeat hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

- Yeah, yeah, yeah!

The Beastie Boys, yeah!

All right.

- Yeah. It's about time.

- Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

[both chuckling]

Yeah, yeah.

- ♪ I emcee y'all ♪

♪ My name is MCA ♪

- I heard on MTV News

that this dude's dad writes movies.

- What do you mean he writes movies?

You can't read a movie.

- No, it's like, he writes what they say.

- You mean he just, like, goes to movies and sits there

and writes down everything they say?

- No, he writes it down before they say it.

- Well how does he know what they're going to say?

- He just, like, makes it up.

- Really? Well, anybody could do that.

- Yeah.

- So like, if there's an expl*si*n, does he write that?

- Uh, I think he just, like, writes kaboom.

- How about like, when people are, like,

you know, naked and getting it on?

- Uh, he just writes squeak, squeak, squeak, wank.

[both chuckle]

- Well, I'll be damned.

- ♪ Acting like life is a big commotion ♪

- Well, anybody could do that.

It's like, you know, okay, um, two dudes go try to, like,

rob this other dude and he had this chick

and she's got big hooters. And see?

See, I'm doing it right now.

- Uh, yeah, but you're not writing it down.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪