05x47 - Sexual Harassment

[bunniefuu]

[chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

- Remember, sexual harassment can be defined

as any sexual interaction, be it verbal or physical,

that makes its victims uncomfortable

or makes it difficult for them to work.

Now, I don't want to mention any names...

- Hey, baby. - But it seems that some of you

could use a little sensitivity training on this issue, okay?

Does everyone understand what I'm trying to say here?

Beavis? Butt-Head?

- Uh, sort of, 'cause, like, right now,

I'm being, you know, sexually harassed by Kimberly.

- What? - Yeah, me too.

She's giving me a stiffy.

- Yeah.

And it makes it, like, uncomfortable

for me to work and stuff.

She usually harasses me at least once a day.

[both chuckling]

- Four or five times a day for me, sir.

- Mr. Van Driessen, do I have to sit near these guys?

- Ooh, yeah, yeah. - That's right, baby.

- Mr. Van Driessen, make them stop.

- Guys, that's just the kind of thing I'm talking about.

- See, right now, you two are harassing Kimberly.

- No way. - Chicks can't get stiffies.

- Come on, guys. This is serious.

In the real world, people go to court

and sue for millions of dollars over this kind of harassment.

[electricity crackling] - Whoa.

- Yeah, yeah. - Millions of dollars?

Uh...

- Cool.

[Tom Petty's "It's Good to Be King"]

- Uh...

hey, that's that kid from that

"Losing My Religion" video.

- Um, yeah, but I thought he got shot

with an arrow or something. - Yeah.

- ♪ It's good to be king ♪

- Dumbass. - Yeah, really.

- ♪ If just for a while ♪ [both chuckling]

- ♪ To be there in velvet ♪

♪ Yeah, to give 'em a smile ♪

♪ It's good to get high ♪

- It's good to get high?

- ♪ And never come down ♪

- What kind of message is that sending?

- ♪ It's good to be king ♪

- Hey, Butthead, did you see that guy had,

like, mirrors all over himself?

- Uh, yeah.

- That'd be cool, if you had mirrors

all over your clothes like that, 'cause then, like,

you could use 'em to see your own taint.

And that would be cool.

[both chuckling]

- I don't want to see my taint.

That's stupid.

- See, I'm always thinking.

- ♪ Can I help it if I ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Still dream time to time? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ It's good to be king ♪

- Oh, check it out, Butthead. It's Velvet Jones!

- Oh, yeah. He's cool.

Hi. I'm Velvet Jones.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hi. I'm Velvet Jones.

This is my book, "How to be a Ho."

[both chuckling]

Yeah, yeah. It's about time they put him in a video.

- ♪ Whatever it pays ♪

- Hey, Butthead, how come Tom Petty is famous?

- 'Cause he's on TV, dumbass.

- Yeah, but, like, but how did he get on TV?

- Uh, 'cause he's famous.

- Um, yeah, but, I mean, like, how did he get famous?

- He got famous 'cause he's on TV.

- Yeah, yeah, but how did he get on TV?

- 'Cause he's famous, Beavis.

Now shut up before I smack the bejesus out of you.

[both chuckling] - Oh, yeah.

- And what would be the basis of this sexual harassment suit?

- Uh, she keeps harassing us by,

you know, giving us stiffies.

- Yeah, yeah. Like, um,

like, just yesterday, when she was writing something,

I could, like, lean over and, like,

I could check out part of her boobs.

- I see. Uh, tell me,

is the young lady in question, uh,

well off financially, by chance?

- Uh, I don't know.

She never talks to us 'cause, like,

she's one of those rich chicks.

- Yeah.

- Gentlemen, this is exactly

the type of reverse sexual harassment case

in which the Constitution of the United States of America

is being thrown right out the window.

- Cool. - Yeah,

throw it out the window!

- Boys, we are going to sue the girl.

We are going to sue the teacher.

We are going to sue the school system.

And we are going to sue the girl's parents.

- Whoa. That rules.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- And, furthermore, we are going

to put a restraining order on that girl,

making it illegal for her to come

within feet of you boys.

- Uh, that would suck. - Yeah.

I need her to be a little closer than that.

- So, uh, we're not gonna have to, like, go to court, are we?

- Gentlemen, I believe we can win this case

without even going to court.

- Order. Order.

Counselor Adler, you may begin your opening statement.

- Your Honor, I will prove beyond the shadow of a doubt

that my clients are the victims

of a cruel campaign of sexual harassment.

Imagine yourself a student in school,

losing your one chance at a decent education

because some young woman of questionable morals,

some vile temptress,

repeatedly arouses you to the point where--

- I didn't do it! I didn't do it!

[crowd murmuring] - Of course you didn't.

It's obvious that the guilty party here

is that young lady right over there.

- Objection! - Overruled!

- Sustained.

Watch it, Counselor.

- Now, I know this is difficult.

But tell me, if you can,

about the pain that Kimberly has caused you.

- Uh, so it's like, you know,

she's a chick.

- And how would you describe this chick?

- [chuckling] A hot chick.

[chuckling]

- Yes? - Well, she's always, like,

harassing us by being so hot every day.

- Oh, yeah. - And it's hard

to concentrate and stuff.

- Hard.

[both chuckling]

She's doing it again.

She's doing it right now!

- What is she doing?

- Um, she's giving me a stiffy.

- Giving you a what?

- You know--

[imitating spring] boing.

- He has an erection.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's all her fault.

- Order.

Order!

Shut up.

You, you, and you, in my chambers now.

- ♪ I got the poison ♪

- ♪ I got the remedy ♪

- Whoa, they're cracking concrete.

[both chuckling]

- You said "crack."

[both chuckling]

♪ ♪

Well, I guess I'll just, um--

I guess I'll just do this for a while--

bom, bom-bom, bom, bom, bom-bom, bom.

bom, bom-bom, bom, bom, bom-bom, bom.

♪ ♪

Whoa! They're rolling around

in a pool of feces.

- Oh, yeah. Cool.

- ♪ I got the poison ♪

♪ I got the poison, I got the poison ♪

- I think this video is, like, a tribute to turds.

- Yeah, it's about time.

I've been meaning to do a tribute to my own turds.

It's called "Poop: A Retrospective."

[both chuckling]

- You know who I'd like to see roll around

in a bunch of feces?

- Um-- - Hootie and the Blowfish.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah, that would be cool.

He'd be like--

♪ With a little love ♪ And then he'd poop.

♪ And a little tenderness ♪ Plop, plop.

- Yeah.

- Plop, plop, plop.

- That would rule.

♪ ♪

- Yeah, yeah, and I think it would really go

with the music really well too.

[both chuckling]

- Your honor, my client's constitutional rights

are being trampled by this closed door session.

If we aren't returned to the courtroom immediately,

we are going to sue you, we are going to sue the state--

- Mr. Adler, have you ever been jailed for contempt of court?

- Uh, I believe that was among the charges, yes.

- Well, that was a picnic compared

to what'll happen to you if you don't shut up right now.

As for you two, in all my years on the bench,

I have never seen such a cynical, manipulative,

and ultimately pathetic attempt

to subvert the judicial system.

Two sexist ignoramuses such...

[boinging noise] As yourselves have

no business tying up--

- Uh, wait a minute.

Now you're harassing us.

- Yeah, yeah. Me too.

[both chuckling]

[Morphine's "Honey White"]

Yeah. Yeah. [imitating bee]

Bees are cool.

- Yeah. [both chuckling]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Honey white ♪

- Whoa, check it out. It's Jon Stewart.

- Yeah.

He's horny.

- Yeah, yeah.

It's like, he's the horniest talk show dude on TV.

- Yeah, but it's like, he shouldn't try

to be in a band like this.

- Yeah, I mean, you know, it's okay,

but, you know, it's like, you know, nothing special.

It's like, he ought to just do his show, you know.

- Yeah, but you know what he should do?

He should just, like, get rid of all that other stuff

on his show and just have the whole show be like,

you know, him trying to pick up on a chick.

- Yeah, yeah, it's like, they bring out

a girl with big hooters.

[both chuckling]

Maybe like this one right here.

And then, um, he just sits there and tries to score.

Now that would be cool. - Yeah.

That would rule. [both chuckling]

♪ ♪

- Damn it, I wish they'd show those bees again.

Bees kick ass.

Yeah, yeah. [imitating bee]

Yeah, bees rule.

- ♪ Besides, I like to see you a little more fat ♪

- Yeah, yeah, I'd like to see a little more fat too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the best part, you know.

It's like, whenever I'm eating some meat,

I just, like, eat all the fat and just leave the rest.

- Yeah.

I like to make a fat sandwich sometimes.

- Oh, yeah, with a little mayonnaise, a little salt

Yeah, it rules.

- ♪ Honey white, honey white, honey white, honey white ♪

- Cool.

- ♪ How is your angel food ♪

- Look what she's doing.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, I do that sometimes too.

It, like, helps me fall asleep.

- Uh, you mean 'cause it, like,

tires you out or something?

- No, not really, no. It's like,

I just spin around until I get really dizzy.

Then I, like, fall down and bang my head on something.

Then I just go to sleep. Works every time.

[both chuckling]

- You're pretty cool sometimes, Beavis.

- Yeah, yeah, I know.

[both chuckling]

- ♪ Poor honey ♪