05x27 - To the Rescue

[bunniefuu]

[Beavis and Butt-Head chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

- You know what sucks, Beavis?

- Um, yeah.

[snickering]

- You know what else sucks?

- Um, what?

- Nothing ever happens.

- Yeah. That sucks.

[engine rumbling]

[crash] - Whoa!

[both chortling]

That was cool.

- Yeah.

[dEUS's "Suds & Soda"]

[tone beeping]

[dissonant violin playing]

Um, is that the smoke alarm?

- Uh, damn it, Beavis.

Did you burn another burrito?

- Um, I don't think so.

- We need to just take the batteries out

of that damn thing.

- Yeah, but then what if there's a--

never mind.

[both chuckling]

- ♪ Your head, come on, is dead and gone ♪

♪ It might as well be said ♪ - Whoa. [snickers]

Um, this is freaking me out.

- Yeah. This is weird.

- ♪ And I can wait for my decoder ♪

♪ Get off, get up ♪

♪ You son of pop ♪ [Beavis chuckling]

Um, I have a sore throat, Butt-Head.

[coughs]

Does it sound scratchy when I talk?

- Uh, yeah, sort of.

- Really?

- Yeah. You're always like--

[in mocking tone] "Yeah." [chuckling]

- I don't sound like that.

[snickers, coughs]

I'm just gonna be quiet for a while

'cause my throat hurts. - Okay.

Good.

[chuckles]

- ♪ Sometimes suds and soda mix okay ♪

- You sound really stupid most of the time.

[snickers]

You're like, "Yeah, yeah it's pretty cool

because"--[mumbles. laughs]

- Shut up, Butt-Head! I don't talk like that.

I'm not gonna say anything for a while.

[snickers]

Just gonna be quiet.

[both chuckling]

Ow! [laughs]

Ow. Cut it--

[both chuckling]

♪ ♪

- What's that guy patting his stomach for?

- Um, maybe he's got, like, a hurt rabbit in his shirt

and he's, like, "As soon as we're done with this video,

"I'm gonna let you out,

"and I'm gonna give you a carrot

and we're gonna fix your leg." - Damn it, Beavis.

Now see, that's what I'm talking about right there.

[chuckles] You're going,

"Maybe there's, like, a rabbit in his stomach."

[mocking noises]

- ♪ Friday, Friday, Friday ♪

- What the hell is this dude saying?

- ♪ Friday, Friday, Friday ♪ - It's like he's saying,

"Fried egg, fried egg, fried egg."

- Um, fried--[coughs]

Fried egg.

Fried egg. [coughs] Fried egg.

[both snicker]

- Whoa. [chortles]

Cool. - Yeah.

It's just like one of those plane crashes on TV.

- Uh, yeah. [chuckles]

- Um, I wonder if he's, like, dead or something.

[snickers]

- Uh, ask him.

- Um, excuse me, sir. Are you dead?

[snickers]

- [mumbles]

- What did he say?

- Uh, I think he said,

[mumbles]

- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[chuckles]

- You know what we have to do, Beavis.

- Yeah, get a video camera.

- Yeah. [chuckles]

Maybe we'll get on "America's Funniest Home Videos."

This is gonna be cool.

[both snicker]

[makes flailing noise]

- Hey, stop!

- Uh, we need a ride 'cause there's, like,

this plane that crashed.

- You stay here. I'll get help.

- That sucks.

- Yeah.

We saw him first, damn it.

- [makes flailing noise]

- Ah! Stop!

- [makes flailing noise]

- Stop, damn it!

[truck horn blares]

- [makes flailing noise] - Dah!

[ambulance siren blaring]

Uh, we need a ride into town.

- Yeah. We gotta go get a camcorder.

Come on. Let's go. - Where's the plane?

- Uh, over there.

- You boys may have saved a life.

You're heroes.

Probably end up on TV or something.

- Cool. - Yeah.

[both chuckle]

- It all began with a mile-high joyride

on a fateful June day.

[dramatic music]

- I was doing sh*ts of tequila and licking the salt

when I suddenly realized...

I wasn't flying the plane.

[engine roars]

I said, "This is it. I'm gonna die."

- Two young boys were relaxing outside

when they heard the roar of Bud's plane.

- Uh, look. Ha ha.

It's a plane. [chuckles]

- Yeah.

But something looks wrong. [chuckles]

- Bud's plane crashed into a thicket of trees.

[engine roar, crash]

It was a total wreck,

leaving Bud trapped and barely alive.

There was clearly nothing to do

but encourage Bud to hang on.

- Uh, don't die and stuff.

[chuckles]

- Steve Furlong was on his way home.

- Yeah, I saw these two frantic boys

and they were waving to get my attention.

- Um...

- The boys explained what happened.

Furlong went for help.

Within minutes, Bud was airlifted

to County Hospital, safe and alive.

Today, he's fully recovered

and flying for a commercial airline

thanks to these two boys, Beavis and Butt-Head.

- So glad to meet you guys. - [chuckles]

Hey, Beavis.

He's got the Playboy channel.

- Cool.

[both snickering]

[thunder crashes]

- And now, the twisted Madame Olga

will teach you a lesson you'll never forget.

- Hey, I think this is "Tales From the Crypt."

All right. Sometimes they show boobs.

[chuckles]

- Uh, I don't think so, Beavis.

- ♪ Hey, let's twist ♪

- I don't see the Crypt Keeper.

- Oh, yeah. [snickers]

- ♪ Ooh, stick it in and twist ♪

You know how the Crypt Keeper, he's got, like,

wrinkled up skin and everything?

- Yeah.

- I always wonder what his nut sack looks like.

[[snickers] - You're a "prevert," Beavis.

- Well, you know, I was just like, you know,

it's probably really scary looking.

[snickers]

[laughs creepily]

[Crypt Keeper voice] Good evening, boys and ghouls.

[laughs creepily]

- Shut up, Beavis.

I'm gonna kick you in the nut sack.

- [laughs creepily]

[Crypt Keeper voice] Naturally. [laughs]

Here's a little tale from my nut sack.

[laughs] - That's enough, Beavis.

- ♪ Do the ultra twist ♪

♪ Just do the twist ♪ [Beavis laughs creepily]

♪ The alchemists all recommend ♪

- Hey, that was pretty good.

- ♪ It's here to stay ♪

- Hey, those are like those sunglasses

your grandma wears, Beavis.

- Yeah. [chuckles]

She's like, "I'm going out to get some medicine

"and a carton of smokes.

"Beavis, honey, go get your grandma

her sunglasses, okay?"

[mimics coughing] - Yeah.

[both chuckle]

Then you're like,

"Get them yourself, butt munch."

- Yeah. Really. [both chuckle]

Get 'em yourself. [snickers]

Whoa, Butt-Head! Butt-Head! Look at that up there.

You can see something. Look. [snickers]

- Yeah. [chuckles]

There's a lot of butt wiggling and butt snapping

and, like, people sticking their butts out.

- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. This is what we need.

- And it's like, this guy is going around

sticking his butt out going,

♪ Jam it in and screw it ♪

♪ Do the ultra twist ♪

[both chuckle]

- Boy, this is some nasty stuff.

- These guys understand the importance of a good butt.

- Yeah, yeah.

[both snicker]

- Sometimes a disaster shows you you're not alone

and that people really do care.

Beavis and Butt-Head restored my faith in humanity.

- This sucks.

Yeah.

- I want to see something with chicks.

- Next on "Rescue ,"

Margot was skinny dipping when she felt

something biting her foot.

- When we got her on shore,

I listened for a heartbeat.

But there wasn't any, so I had to use CPR.

One, two, three...

- Whoa. - Yeah. [snickers]

- Four, five... - Whoa.

- Yeah. - Whoa.

- Yeah.

- Snatched from the jaws of death.

[both snicker]

[Slayer's "Serenity in m*rder"]

♪ ♪

- Um, haven't we seen this video before?

- Uh, I don't know.

It's hard to tell. [chuckles]

- Yeah, yeah.

I think I've seen a video like this before

where, like, the music was all fast and loud

and guys were like, you know, banging their heads like this.

- Oh, yeah. [both chortle]

I remember that one. [chuckles]

It was cool.

[both chuckle]

This music is, like, nice, peaceful music.

- Yeah. This is, like, good if you want to just,

you know, like, just kind of mellow out or something.

- Yeah.

- ♪ Let me take you down ♪

- ♪ Without a sound ♪

- ♪ Dead before you hit the ground ♪

- Whoa. Check it out.

He's, like, some kind of scientific dude.

- [chuckles] Oh, yeah. That's cool.

If I was a scientific,

I'd, like, do a 'speriment, you know,

where it's, like, I'd get a chick in

and I'd say, "Okay, chick, um,

"I'm gonna have to ask you to get naked,

and then I'm gonna 'speriment with your boobs."

[snickers] - Yeah.

[both chuckling]

That would rule.

♪ ♪

- See, look, I think this dude's trying

to, like, catch this chick

and then, like, do 'speriments on her.

- Oh, yeah.

That's like that movie we saw

where that dude had that chick in his basement

and he was gonna, like, cut her skin off and stuff.

- ♪ Quench the fire that drives my soul ♪

- See, that was a good movie because it was, like--

it was, like, not like some of those movies

where it's like, no way.

- Yeah.

Like, remember that movie "The Right Stuff"?

- Oh, yeah, yeah. - That was stupid.

[both chuckle]

That's never gonna happen.

- Yeah, yeah. Really.

That was dumb. [both snicker]

I liked that movie, "Alive."

- Yeah.

It's like, that was a good idea,

but, like, that would never happen.

- Yeah. It's like-- like a plane

would really crash like that, you know?

[both chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪