05x13 - Take a Number

[bunniefuu]

[Beavis and Butt-Head chuckling]

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

- [chuckles] This is gonna be cool.

[chuckles]

- Yeah. [chuckles]

The Creatures of Rock rule. [chuckles]

[energetic rock music]

- Rock intensely, dudes!

- Uh, whoa. - Yeah.

[both chuckle] - Those chicks want me.

- No way, Butt-Head. She was talking to me.

Ah! - You wish.

[chuckles]

Uh, heh, hey, baby. - Yeah.

- [chuckles] How's it hanging, dudeness?

- [chuckles] You said "hanging."

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, she said it.

I heard it.

[all chuckling]

- Where are your seats, guys? Maybe we could rage together.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool! - Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah. Cool.

- Let me see your tickets.

- Uh... [chuckles]

Like, I don't think we have any.

[crowd cheering] - Yeah, yeah, uh, no.

- Dude, bad. You better get some fast.

Show's starting, man. - See you inside.

- Ugh, this sucks.

- Yeah.

Damn it! Damn it!

[Life of Agony's "This Time"]

Hey, hey, quit looking at me like that.

You want to fight? [chuckles]

- You always, like, talk tough

in front of the TV set, but, like,

if that dude was really here,

heh, you'd would be a total wuss.

- No way, Butt-Head. I'd take him on.

- No, you wouldn't.

You'd be, like, going, "Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah.

[chuckling]

- Is that that Christian Slater dude?

- Yeah. It's like, uh, Christians?

Later, dude. [chuckling]

- Beavis, quit trying to be funny.

It never works.

♪ ♪

- ♪ You ain't got time for me, yeah ♪

♪ Never be ♪

- Whoa, heh, this part of the song sucks.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- It's like, that other part is pretty cool,

but it's like, then they go into

all these different parts, and, like, most of them suck.

- If I can just stick to that one part that's cool,

you know, not play the stuff that, like, sucks,

and then, like, you know, we'd all be,

like, you know--

we'd all be a little better, yeah.

[both chuckling]

- ♪ But you ain't got time for me ♪

- [chuckles] Look at him.

[both chuckle]

He's saying his dad doesn't have time for him.

- Aw, aw, he ain't got time for me.

[chuckling]

- He's practically crying. - Aw, that's too bad.

[both chuckling]

[Iron Maiden's "From Here to Eternity."]

Oh. - Yeah.

- This looks like it might be good.

Yeah, uh-huh. - Yeah.

- Yeah. Ooh!

- Yes! - Yeah!

Now we're getting somewhere.

- ♪ She fell in love with this greasy machine ♪

♪ She leaned over, wiped his kick start clean ♪

- It's like you can say what you want about Maiden,

but when it comes to making videos,

they don't screw around.

- Yeah, yeah, like even if Maiden did "Unplugged,"

I bet they'd still have explosions.

[chuckles]

Yeah. [chuckles]

And chicks. - Yeah.

They'd be like, "We're not gonna

to unplug the expl*si*n machine, dude."

That's what got us here. - Yeah, yeah.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Hell is from here to eternity ♪

- Hell is from here to eternity?

- Um, wait a minute.

That can't be true, Butt-Head, 'cause, like,

if hell was really, like, from here to eternity...

- Mm-hmm.

- Then that'd mean, like, hell was, like, everywhere,

so like--like, everywhere is hell,

so like, if you say to somebody, "Go to hell,

go to hell," you're just, like, really saying,

"Stay right there." You know?

You know what I'm saying? - Yeah.

- Because, like, it's like hell is from here--

- Uh, go to hell, Beavis.

- Um, okay. No problem.

I'll stay right here. See?

- No, I mean just shut up.

[both chuckling]

- It's like every time you try to figure something out,

it's just, like, stupid. - I understand, yeah.

[both chuckling]

- Who needs tickets?

I got your seats right here.

Tickets, who needs 'em? Tickets?

- Uh, you got any extra tickets?

- Yeah, baby, primo seats.

I'm talking floor here, six rows back.

- Um, are they near those chicks?

[chuckles] - Listen up, big chief.

They're near all the chicks. - [chuckles]

Cool! - Yeah.

[chuckles] Can we have them?

- Come again? Did you say "have"?

Man, this is Creatures of Rock, Crust Bucket, man.

That lady singer gets naked on the stage.

These seats are close enough to cop yourself a feel, man.

- Whoa! - Blah!

- Cool. - Damn right.

a pop. What do you say?

- Uh, we don't have any money.

- No money?

Where do you dirtbags come off wasting my time?

I probably just lost a sale talking to you losers.

- [slurping] - That sucked.

[chuckles]

- Uh, heh, I got to take a whiz.

[chuckles] - Yeah, me too.

This sucks.

- Yeah, maybe we should hold it.

- No way, Beavis. I got to go really bad.

[chuckles]

Besides, I heard if you hold it in,

it, like, does damage to your nads.

- Oh, yeah.

I want my nads to be in good shape

when we see those chicks. [chuckles]

- Oh! Rock and roll!

Whoo! [retches]

[body thuds]

- Whoa! [chuckles]

That was cool. - Yeah.

[both chuckle]

- That guy is cool.

[both chuckle]

[distant rock music]

- [slurping]

- This sucks more than anything, Butt-Head.

I'm concerned about my nads. [chuckles]

- Uh, I think we're getting closer.

Like, we're probably gonna be next pretty soon.

[chuckles]

- Damn it, we're missing the whole thing.

- Yeah, I know.

We got to talk to those chicks some more.

- Let's go behind the dumpster or something.

- Yeah, that's cool. Let's go behind the dumpster.

[both chuckling]

- Hey, hey! - What?

- What the hell are you doing back there?

- Huh?

- You know, just, uh... [chuckles]

Throwing something away, butthole.

- What the hell do you think we provide the damn bathroom for?

I'm gonna wipe every one of these puddles up

with you little turds.

[both chuckling]

- That dude was pissed. - Yeah.

[both chuckling]

[David Cassidy's "Lyin' to Myself"]

- Um, is that Richard Marx? - Uh, no.

This is that Keith dude from the family.

- You mean Bonaduce? - No, dumbass.

This is his big brother, Keith.

- Whoa. [chuckles]

Keith Bonaduce. [chuckles]

Bonaduce. Bonaduce.

[chuckles] - Yeah.

-♪ You barely left a scratch on me ♪

- Hey, Butt-Head,

did you see when Bonaduce fought Donny Osmond?

- Uh, that was on pay-per-view, Beavis.

- [chuckles] - We don't get that.

- Yeah, but I saw, like, highlights from it later.

- Cool.

- Did you see when Bonaduce fought Geraldo?

- Uh, oh, yeah.

Was that when he, like, threw a chair at him

and broke his nose? - Yeah, yeah.

[chuckles]

- That would be cool, like, if Mrs. Partridge

kicked Geraldo's ass.

- Yeah, yeah, and then the winner

gets to face Bonaduce in the finals.

- That would be cool if, like,

the whole Partridge Family kicked Geraldo's ass.

[both chuckle]

- Oh, yeah. [chuckles]

And then, like, Tracy could kick him in the nads.

[chuckles] - Yeah.

[chuckles]

She could stick her tambourine up his butt.

- Or, like, Chris could stick his drumstick up his butt.

[both chuckling]

- And then Geraldo would be saying,

"That's no fair.

There's two Chrises."

- [chuckles] Yeah.

[chuckles] Are you ready to rumble?

[both chuckling]

- Yeah. [chuckling]

- Are you sure someone's in there?

- Yeah.

I wonder what's taking so long.

- Rock and roll, man!

Whoo! Oh!

- Get out, asswipe! No way!

I'm gonna kick your ass!

- No way, buttmunch! No way!

I was first! - No way, Beavis, I'm first.

- Cut it out, buttmunch! Ah!

[chuckles]

- [grunts] Open the door, Beavis!

I'm gonna kick your ass! [grunting]

- [chuckling]

- [grunting]

- Ah! Cut it out!

- [grunts] - [screams]

Come on, Butt-Head, get me out of here!

[screaming and coughing] This sucks, Butt-Head!

This sucks! [screams]

Whoa, whoa, check this out, turd.

[Godley & Creme's "Cry"]

- [chuckles] He's faking.

- Yeah, heh, he's not really taking a dump.

[both chuckling]

- Hey, it's REM. - Uh, yeah.

[chuckles]

It'd be cool to do a video like this,

but instead of changing faces,

it'd be, like, changing thingies.

- [chuckles] Yeah.

Thingies and thingies and more thingies,

one after another. [chuckles]

- Yeah, thingy vision.

[both chuckle]

- And then, like, for variety, just, you know,

like, throw in a butt every now and then.

- [chuckles] Whoa, check it out!

It's Mr. T! - [chuckles]

Uh, look, it's Steve Perry.

- No, no, that's Freddy Krueger.

- It's worse.

- Um, uh, no, no, that's, uh-- heh, that's that chick.

Um... [chuckles]

- Uh, heh, now it's Captain Picard.

- [chuckles] You said hard.

[both chuckling]

Yeah.

[both chuckling]

Whoa, look, it's-- it's Patrick Swayze!

[chuckles]

- Uh-- - Um, um, it's--it's, um--

- Uh, that's that dude that-- uh, uh, some slut.

That's your mom, look. - Yeah, yeah.

[chuckles] - Uh, that's like, uh--

[both chuckling]

- Well, I'm glad that's over. [screams]

[chuckles]

- Now it's over. [screams]

- [screams] Stop it!

[both chuckle]