♪
[whistle blowing]
Here you go, Tiger.
You know what
this looks like?
Mmm, half water,
half flour.
Eat up.
I was thinking
Lake Michigan.
Or maybe a snowflake.
We're going to Big Bear?
I rented a cabin
for Christmas.
Snowboarding,
snowball fights, the works.
Yes!
My first white Christmas.
That's right.
Oh, no.
What's the matter, honey?
Well, I wrote a letter
to Santa Claus
asking him
to send us to Big Bear.
Now he might get confused.
Son, I think you're a little old
to believe in Santa Claus.
He exists, Dad.
I've seen him.
You were dreaming.
Gordon...
If we want our son
to be successful,
we can't have him believing
in fairy tales.
I caught your letter.
That was nearly 32 cents
down the drain.
It's a small price to pay
for our son's happiness.
Are we going
for sure this year?
Of course, I promise.
What about breakfast?
We're serving
Lake Michigan.
Got to hustle off
to the lot, hon.
Besides, Lake Michigan's
polluted.
[door opening]
What do you think
this one looks like?
It's just
a regular pancake, Mom.
I believe in Santa.
♪
That's--
You'll make it nowhere.
Well, I will beat you.
Oh, yeah?
I beat you!
I'll beat you anywhere.
Good morning,
Mr. Covington.
Oh, no time for chitchat.
I'm kind of in a hurry.
Can I help you?
An extra 5% off at
Slykes Used Cars this week.
Christmas, you know.
How generous.
Yeah, just doing my part.
Well, this new building is
working out just great.
Tell Mr. Slykes
hello for me.
And thank you.
Believe me, you're doing him
a favor taking over this joint.
Here, pass these out
to all your friends.
See you.
[pounding on door]
[pounding continues]
[three pounds]
[pounding continues]
Let me guess.
The guy out front
wants a refund.
And your scalp.
Here's his warranty.
He bought the car
That's good to know.
Come on.
There you are.
That car you sold me,
it overheats
and the transmission slips.
My mechanic said that
the radiator was filled
with oatmeal.
The transmission
was filled with sawdust.
First of all, this is not
that kind of used car lot.
Yeah.
Second, you only purchased
a one-month warranty.
That was exactly 31 days
and... nine hours ago.
I don't know what
I can do for you.
Give me a refund!
Give me a break.
If you hadn't been so cheap
and bought a longer warranty,
I'd be happy to help you.
What am I going to do?
Are you handy
with a wrench?
No.
It'd take several thousand
to fix this car,
and it's not
even worth it.
I don't have that
kind of money anyway.
I know.
It's tough when you're first
starting out.
Take it.
Just take it, kid.
I'd feel better
if you did.
I couldn't.
Take it before my boss
sees me, okay?
And, uh, sign this.
What choice have I got?
Next time, take out
a longer warranty.
[clapping]
Terrific performance, kid.
You remind me of me.
Mr. Slykes,
how are you?
Me? I just saw the
third-quarter's earnings.
I'm doing great.
So are you.
Yeah,
just working hard.
Just working hard.
You know, you don't often hear
anybody say that nowadays.
Me, I'm gonna retire.
I'm moving out to the links
in Palm Springs.
No.
Yeah, but first,
I got to find somebody
to run all five lots.
Somebody to take my place.
Really?
You're looking good, kid.
Real good, but so are all
the other lot managers.
It's hard
to pick just one.
Well, I've come up
with an idea.
A brilliant idea.
A competition.
The lot salesman
that sells the most cars
between now
and Christmas Eve
gets to be CEO
of Slykes Used Cars.
Hmm, air-conditioned office,
pay raise,
no more hustling
on the lot.
It's a honey of a job
for the right man.
Now, Eric,
on the Van Nuys lot,
he's liable to give you
a run for your money.
He's nothing.
I'll squash him.
You got
the k*ller instinct.
I like that, kid.
But I got to have
a guarantee.
Picked it up cheap.
Now look, if you was
to stay open
every night until midnight
from now until Christmas Eve
selling cars at maybe ten, 20%,
you might just win.
What's the matter?
Well...
What's bugging you, come on?
I promised Teddy and Carla
we'd spend the holidays
up at Big Bear.
Teddy's never had
a white Christmas.
We got sunshine,
what does he want with snow?
It's overrated.
The last two years
I've promised Teddy
snow at Christmas
and I've flaked on him.
Hey, that's a funny bit.
Huh?
Snow, flaked.
You-- oh, never mind.
Listen, he can have
a white Christmas next year
at my place in Aspen.
We got those-- we got those
camel-like things up there.
Gazelles.
Nah.
Uh, impalas?
No, no, no,
got a face like a donkey.
Uh, llamas.
Yeah, yeah, llamas.
Cute as heck.
Eat right out of your hands.
Tony will--
Teddy.
Whatever.
He'll love it.
I know.
I-- I just don't think
I can do it.
Eh, your choice.
I just didn't think you'd
wanna be hustling cars
on this hot lot
the rest of your life.
Okay, I'll do it.
But if one of those llamas
bites my kid, I'll sue.
Yeah, smart move.
You won't regret it,
trust me.
Hey, take the car around back
and get it washed.
See you.
[engine revving]
[tires screeching]
[music plays, birds chirping]
I'll get you.
Got you.
Let's rest for a second.
But then you have
to chase me.
I hope a get the new bike
I asked Santa for.
You believe
in Santa Claus?
Yeah.
Don't you?
I guess.
My dad doesn't.
But he has to believe
in Santa Claus.
Listen,
just think about it.
How could he fit all the
presents for all the kids
in that one sleigh?
Think of all the kids
in the universe.
There's no way.
And deliver them
in one night?
I don't think so.
I don't know
how he does it.
He just does.
It's the magic
of Christmas.
It just doesn't
make sense.
I thought you said
you saw Santa last year.
It was a dream.
I better go.
My mom and I have to go
pick out snow clothes.
See you.
I know there's a Santa.
I saw him, too.
[distant dog barking]
He's one second ahead
of the world record.
He's won three gold, six silvers
and one bronze already.
Let 's see if
he'll win another medal.
And yes!
He's got it!
Another world record
and another gold medal
for the boy from L.A.!
Yes!
Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah!
Hi, honey!
Look, Teddy and I
rented everything.
Well, better get
a refund.
We aren't going.
What?
I'm going to be working 12-hour
shifts through Christmas Eve.
Gordon, this is
the second year in a row
you've canceled our
Christmas plans.
I had to go to
the NASCAR races last year.
Ambrose invited me,
I couldn't say no.
It was-- it was business.
You just wanted to watch
the demolition derby
and the year before that,
you had to watch all those
football games.
I had money on those,
our money.
We might have
been wiped out.
Fine Christmas that would
have been, huh?
[grunts]
Gordon, you promised Teddy.
I know, I know,
but look at the big picture.
I'm going to be CEO
of Slykes Used Cars.
Slykes Used Cars
is a dump!
I thought you wanted something
better for yourself.
And for all of us.
We're not going?
Sorry, Teddy.
Dad?
I know I promised.
But if I stay
and work extra hard,
that means I'll get
a new job
and we can move
to a nicer house.
Next year
we'll go skiing in Aspen.
You know they have llamas there
that eat right out of your hand.
Next year, I--
I promise?
Sure, Dad.
I understand.
[sighs]
Well, you're lucky Teddy's
more gullible than I am.
Of course
I've known you longer.
Can we continue this
conversation later?
I got to go.
Go?
Work.
[shrieking]
[door closes]
♪
"Dear Santa Claus,
"All I want for Christmas
is my Dad to believe in you.
"If he did, he would understand
the spirit of Christmas
"and might be nicer
to everyone,
including me and my mom."
Please be out there,
Santa Claus.
"Please help him
find the spirit of Christmas.
Love, Teddy."
I got two more cars
to deliver tonight.
You tell Ambrose I need the
registrations for those cars
or I can't sell them.
Sure you can.
You just got to sell them
to the right people.
I'm not selling
anything without
the proper registration.
There's no law against
being a used car salesman,
but there is against selling
stolen merchandise.
Stolen?
Now, who said anything
about being stolen?
Okay, okay.
We'll tell him.
[door closing]
What do you think
of these cars
we've been
getting from Ambrose?
They're in good shape.
You could tell people they
were only driven on Sundays
by little old ladies
going to church
and you wouldn't
be off by much.
Hmm.
[crickets chirping]
[yawning]
In the dog house,
but at least I come prepared.
[sniffing]
Mmm.
Mmm, mmm.
Mmm.
♪
Wake up, buddy.
Hmm.
I would never sell a car I
wouldn't sell to my mother.
Probably.
Wake up.
Who are you?
Lilith.
Nice to meet ya.
What are you doing
in my house?
Did I sell you a car?
Boss sent me.
Said you're on the hook
this year.
I'm one of
Santa's helpers.
What's that?
Like a motorcycle g*ng?
No, you know, Santa Claus,
Christmas, the whole deal.
We make the toys,
update the lists.
You look like a leprechaun.
Cute outfit, though.
Don't ever call me
a leprechaun.
I'm an elf.
Oh, you're an elf.
Okay, go home and sleep it off
and I won't call the cops.
I can't believe
I forgot to lock the door.
You didn't.
[giggling]
How'd you get in here?
It's an elf thing.
Obviously, my wife put you
up to this
and I've had enough of it.
No, Señor Claus decided
you need a reminder
about the spirit of Christmas.
That's just great.
[groaning]
You're not getting it.
I'm here
to guide you.
To prepare you to be
a Santa.
A Secret Santa.
Why me?
We select people to be
Secret Santas
who we think
need a kick in the pants
on what the spirit of
Christmas is all about.
Yeah, well I've got more
Christmas spirit than Rudolph.
Yeah, you've already forgot
about your broken promise.
I never broke
a promise in my life.
[groaning]
Oh, the white Christmas
promise.
Big Bear, yeah.
And I've even heard you
tell your son
that Santa doesn't exist.
He does, he does.
I know in your heart
you're lying.
You'll come around.
♪
[shuddering]
Bad dream.
Oh...
[birds chirping]
Honey, how old were those
leftovers in the tin foil?
Don't call me "honey,"
promise-breaker.
And it was cat food,
Gordon, remember?
Bleah.
[groaning]
Must be a short
in the blanket.
I'm starving.
Kid, enough with
the food already.
Eric's k*lling you.
You only got two days
till Christmas.
I'm busting my butt.
I'm working 14 hours
a day.
What else can I do?
But you got to have
a gimmick.
Something to grab the public.
Now, how are those cars selling
that I dumped on you?
Dumped?
Delivered.
Mr. Slykes, before I sell one,
I need those titles.
Look.
Here they are.
Well, that's what I needed.
That boss of yours
is no good.
As a Secret Santa
and a human being,
you need to clean up
your act.
What are you doing here?
I don't want to see you
get in any more trouble
than you're already in.
I thought you were
indigestion.
No, I'm your worst
nightmare.
A visible conscience.
Who are you
talking to, kid?
That elf.
She says I'm going to be
a Secret Santa.
Oh, goody.
Can she make
me one, too?
Oh...
You don't see her?
Gordon, over here.
I'm on a tight schedule.
I just came down here
to warn you about your boss.
Now, as a Secret Santa,
we'd like you to keep
your nose clean.
Why don't you just
leave me alone?!
Kid, come on,
pull yourself together.
Get over here.
You don't see her?
See who?
What--
You know, all of a sudden,
you're not sounding
like CEO material.
No, I am.
I am.
Uh, gimmick.
You were saying
I needed a gimmick.
Yeah.
I got one.
Secret Santa.
I'll dress up
like Santa Claus.
And I'll give a car away
every hour
to whoever can guess
what car the keys
in my pocket will start.
And none of the keys
will fit.
Ooh, I like it.
I like it.
So keep those cars coming,
I'm gonna need a lot of them.
I like your guts, kid.
See you later.
I must be going nuts.
A Secret Santa contest.
Ha.
How tacky.
Leave me alone!
You're ruining my life!
You think this is bad?
Wait till you see
what's coming up next.
♪
[clearing throat]
What are you looking at,
Rudolph?
I mean...
Rudolph?
Nothing, Blitzen.
I just came in to tell you
Teddy's here.
Oh.
Teddy, you arrived just in time
to see your old man in action.
Please.
Please, don't buy this car.
What's wrong with it?
Nothing, I was hoping
to save it for my son.
But if I have to let go,
I have to let it go.
Cute.
[Gordon]
Low miles, sporty.
Uh, I don't know.
It's an awfully
generous price.
It's the holiday season.
Nobody buys a car
at Christmas.
But if I don't sell
at least one car a day,
there won't be any presents
under our tree this Christmas.
You see, I work on commission
and it's been a little rough.
Okay, I'll take it.
Great.
We'll talk in my office.
You know ,it's a good thing
you're buying this right now
because by the time
I'm old enough to drive,
all that stuff leaking
on the bottom
will probably
be all be gone.
What?!
There's oil everywhere!
Ha.
That darn Kirk.
The last car that was parked
here had a little oil leak
and he forgot to clean it up.
[chuckles]
Look, there it goes.
I just saw more oil drip.
I don't see anything.
Think I'll go look someplace
else for a car today.
Thanks, kid.
No problem.
What are you...
what are you doing?
I'm trying to help.
Help what?
Put me out of business?
No, but I--
Look, son!
It's a tough world
that's divided
into two types of people,
suckers and winners.
Winners are winners
because of suckers.
Suckers help winners
by giving them their money.
Don't make your dad's world
any tougher, okay?
My Christmas play
is tonight at 7:00.
And I thought it would
be a great way
to get on Mom's good side.
I'll be there.
It's been a slow day anyway.
Okay.
Oh, you might want
to shave.
You forgot to
this morning.
Criminy, I'm getting old.
[Carla]
I'd be very surprised
if your father shows up.
He'll make it.
I know he will.
Please don't get
your hopes up.
I know he's going
to be there.
He promised.
Well, you have to have
faith, I guess.
And that should do it.
Here are your keys.
Thank you.
See you later, fellas.
Now remember,
you gotta dress up
as an elf tomorrow.
I'm too big to be an elf.
Well, I'm gonna be Santa
and I'm not fat enough.
Well, with any luck
we'll sell one more car.
[crickets chirping]
[door opening]
[door closing]
Teddy?
Carla?
Hmm.
"Gordon, you broke Teddy's heart
for the last time.
"The Christmas play was tonight
"and of course
you didn't make it.
"I'll be a Linda's until I can
decide what's best
"for Teddy and me.
Carla."
They left me
to go to her sister's?
Ugh...
[Carla]
Yes, Mother, I know that.
Yes, uh... yes, you did
tell me that.
Well, look--
All right, that's what
I'm planning to do, okay?
All right, I'll talk to you
tomorrow.
[phone hangs up]
[sighs]
We're moving to Phoenix?
If your father doesn't
shape up...
it just might happen.
He'll shape up.
We've all hoped for
that too many times.
It ain't gonna happen.
Want something to drink?
[crickets chirping]
To be a good Santa Claus, you
not only gotta walk the walk,
you gotta talk the talk.
Santa Claus doesn't say,
"Hey, man,"
or, "What's going on,
dude?"
When he greets people,
he says, "Ho, ho, ho!"
or "Merry Christmas!"
Practice!
Ho, ho, ho.
Like you mean it!
Ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
Pretty soon, you're gonna start
looking like Santa Claus,
so you better start
sounding like him.
Ouch-- I mean,
Merry Christmas!
Ahh!
Ouch!
I do.
I do look like Santa Claus.
Yah!
Yah!
[engine revving]
[bell dinging]
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
Hey!
You cheap...
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
[coins dropping]
Merry Christmas!
Hey, buddy.
Yeah.
You want to make
a couple of bucks?
Sure.
Did anyone ever tell you--
Yeah, yeah,
I know, I know.
♪
Ho--
Ho, ho, ho.
Argh!
Ahh!
Kirk!
Gordon?
Pretty good, huh?
You look just like
Santa Claus.
The beard's incredible.
Don't touch.
It even feels real.
Who did this for you?
I, uh, know someone
in the business... actually.
Sure looks good.
You, uh, look pretty good
yourself.
Don't get any ideas.
[distant basketball bouncing,
feet squeaking]
You're a half hour late.
Well, that's the last time
I'm gonna be late.
What do you mean?
Mom's moving us to Phoenix.
You're mom and dad
aren't getting along?
I think this is it.
They're both being
so stubborn.
Neither of them
will give in.
If only my dad would
just say he's sorry.
I think we're just gonna have
to say we're sorry for him.
What?
Follow me.
We need about $40.
What for?
Don't tell me you have
no idea what we're doing?
No, I don't.
You're such a boy.
Like father,
like son, I guess.
We only have about $3 here.
[coins clanking]
You know any way
we can get more?
I think I have an idea.
That's a first.
Step right up,
step right up.
Don't push.
There's plenty of room inside.
For just 25 cents,
you can come see
Teddy, the amazing
electric boy.
Just don't look before
it's your turn, please.
[woman]
Hello, little boy.
[shuddering]
Nice to shock you, miss.
Thank you.
[coin clunks]
That kid's got
a lot of talent.
Next.
Thank you,
thank you.
Check this out.
[shuddering]
[thud]
Next.
Thank you.
[coins clinking]
Finally,
something I'm good at.
I'm not so sure
about that.
But we almost have
the $40 we need.
Next!
Next.
$21.52.
What do you have?
$22.11.
We did it!
Great!
Now will you mind telling me
what all of this is for?
A dozen roses.
Flowers?
Mm-hmm.
All that work
for flowers?!
Not flowers... roses.
Sure glad I didn't tell you
beforehand.
Why don't we get her something
cool, like a pocketknife?
Right.
Felipe's Flowers is
around the corner.
They deliver.
You buy a dozen red roses.
Then with the extra money
you have left, buy a card.
Have Felipe
fill it out for you.
You want me to tell them
to write something gushy?
Now you're catching on.
Aren't you coming?
I think this is something you
should do on your own.
[pounding on door]
[indistinct conversation
on TV]
Carla Covington?
Uh, yes.
Sign here, please.
Wow!
Who are they from?
The card is
in the flowers, ma'am.
Oh, my.
Well, thank you.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you.
[Teddy's voice]
"I know I've been acting
a little crazy
"but I love and beg
you will forgive me.
"And don't forget to give Teddy
an advance on his allowance.
Love, Gordon."
Hey, Mom.
Wow!
Where'd you get those?
Your father sent them.
He never sends me
flowers.
Well, he's been acting
a little crazy.
You should probably
forgive him.
You know he loves you, Mom.
That's funny.
That's exactly what he said.
How cute.
Like father,
like son, I guess.
Let's not get carried away.
You know, he probably has
suffered enough.
Maybe I should
give him a call.
Yeah!
Hey, folks.
Looking for a Christmas bargain
you can't turn down?
I've got one for you.
I'm Crazy Gordon of
Slykes Used Cars.
Not only am I slashing prices
on all my used cars,
but I'm going to give
a car away every hour
from now and until midnight.
It's part of my
Secret Santa giveaway.
If you can guess which keys in
my pocket start what car,
you get that car for free!
Why?
Because I'm crazy.
And you're crazy if you don't
come on down
to Slykes Used Cars.
We've got the Christmas spirit
so come on down
and get with it.
Crazy Gordon is giving
away cars
because he's lost his senses.
So come, folks, come on down
and see Crazy Gordon!
Was that your father?
Uh, no.
That was Crazy Gordon,
this new guy.
How crazy of me.
I thought he could change.
Uh, Mom.
He's embarrassing
both of us.
Did you see the way those
girls were kissing him?
He's just doing
his job, Mom.
Yeah?
Well, so am I.
He wants to be Santa Claus,
fine.
Here's some snow
for him.
You know what, your father
just doesn't get it.
Guess not.
All right,
that's cut!
Wrap it up, guys.
Well, Mr. Slykes,
what do you think?
Oh, kid, you sure know
what the people like.
Oh, by the way,
Louie and Donny
are bringing over
some cars later tonight.
That CEO job is locked
if you keep this up.
You can bet on it.
What are you doing?
Standing there polishing
Christmas tree ornaments.
Get to work!
You are being
very bad.
Santa won't like this.
I don't see you,
I don't hear you.
I'm ignoring you.
Oh, really?
Yeow!
[lock latching]
Mmm.
[static blaring]
[Lilith on radio]
I don't like being ignored.
You got it.
And stand at attention!
Though most people find t
hard to beliee
that they've been chosn
to be a Santa Clau,
they are eventually convinced,
follow through
with their duties
as they've been instructed,
and are better people
for it.
I...
Don't interrupt.
Okay.
You, on the other hand,
look like a Sant,
but act like a moro.
These commercials you're doing
to sell stolen cars?
They're a disgrae
to the Christmas spiri.
And you still haven't patchd
things up with your famil.
They left me.
You left them long ag.
Yeah, well, those cars aren't
stolen, I have the titles.
Oh, all freh
and brand-ne?
They're fake.
I don't believe it.
[fingers snap]
Believe this.
I'm very busy up at
the North Pole right now
and I don't have time to come
down here and set you straight.
Fly right, Covington,
or else.
Yes, ma'am.
I'll be watching you.
I don't listen to
no stinkin' elves.
I better tell him.
Teddy?
[footsteps approaching]
Yes, Mom.
I left a phone message
for your father
telling him
we're moving to Phoenix
to live with your grandmother.
We're leaving tomorrow.
On Christmas Day?
Yeah.
What about Margo?
Will I ever see her again?
We can come back and visit.
Teddy, you can
always stay here.
Why can't you two
work things out?
We've tried.
Try harder!
[distant dog barking]
He'll get over it.
Now, the Volkswagen
is a people's car.
But the Volvo
makes it worth it.
Excuse me.
Hi there.
Hi.
Does the key fit that car?
Let's see.
Let's see if you're going
to win a free car!
Okay.
Oh, rats.
Darn.
I guess that's
the way it goes.
Would you like me to show you
any other cars?
Uh, no.
I'll, um, look around.
Thanks.
Hello there.
Low miles on this one.
I'm not really
Santa Claus, kid.
Go bug your parents,
they're over there somewhere.
Look how straight it is,
never been in an accident.
What's the gas mileage?
Well, it's a small car
so it gets good mileage,
even in the city.
What?!
Teddy!
We need to talk.
This way.
Hey! Does the key fit
in that car?
Get lost!
Jerk.
You're sure
you don't want any pizza?
For some reason,
the only thing I want nowadays
is Christmas food.
Mom says we're moving in
with Grandma.
You're going to Phoenix?
She saw one of
your commercials.
Didn't like it, huh?
Why can't you just
say you're sorry
and make everything right?
Because what
I'm trying to do here
is make a better life
for all of us.
She should be able
to see that and support me.
I shouldn't have to be
sorry about it.
We're leaving
Christmas morning.
She wasn't even
going to tell me.
She left you a message.
Listen,
all I can say is that
after this Christmas
sale is over,
I'll set everything right.
But for now, I have to
continue on my course.
It's the manly thing to do.
[sighing]
Guess I better
call your mother.
Hi, Mom.
Hi, sweetie.
Come on, Teddy.
I'm sure your mother and Gordon
would like to speak in private.
Bye, Dad.
You're 20 minutes late.
Well, at least I wasn't
supposedly watching our son
when he biked across town!
So how are things?
Fine.
Oh, I saw
your commercial.
Do you have any pride
left at all?
Good-bye.
Please watch our son
so he doesn't bike off
in the middle of the night.
Well, if he had a father
that was a father
instead of a full-time clown,
he might not be so impelled.
Oh, so now I'm a clown.
I'm Santa Claus!
Santa Clown.
Well, this Santa Clown is gonna
be CEO of Slykes Used Cars.
Yeah, well this mother is
taking her son to Phoenix.
Phoenix?
To your folks?
You don't even like your dad.
He's dead, Gordon.
Thanks for noticing.
Fine.
Go to Phoenix.
I'm running out of room,
Ambrose.
But you got to keep
the cars moving.
I'm bringing in
five more tonight.
Now look,
Eric in Van Nuys
has got the same size
lot you have
and he's not
having any trouble.
I've never sold cars
so fast.
Well, if I don't
drop them off here,
I-- I guess I'll have
to give them to Eric.
See what I mean
about those titles?
Do I deliver these
to Eric?
No, I guess I'll just have
to find a place for them.
Maybe we can use the parking lot
at the kids' recreation center.
Mrs. Sanders would probably
understand.
I'm warning you.
Stay away from this guy.
That's a great idea.
We can take over
the entire place.
We can... evict them.
No, no, I don't know
about that.
No, no.
It's brilliant.
I knew you had
the k*ller instinct.
Come on, let's go give those
rugrats the bad news.
[Lilith]
Gordon.
Well, okay.
Gordon!
Okay, Mr. Slykes.
[boy]
Ow!
[woman]
Once upon a time,
a long time ago,
there was a little boy
by the name of Franklin
but he was very, very slow.
And he had no hair.
Good afternoon, Mr. Slykes,
Mr. Covington.
What a Santa Claus suit.
Maybe you could
come by and...
[Slykes]
Pack it up, baby.
You and your little
street urchins
are getting the heave-ho.
Eviction.
What?
It's Christmas Eve.
I guess so.
What did we do wrong?
You can't go through
with this.
It's going to go on
with or without me.
Some of the children here
have no other safe place
to spend their time.
Aw.
What do I look like?
Father Flanagan?
I'm a businessman.
Read it and weep.
Teddy!
Margo?
We have to go to
the rec. center.
You're dad's about
to throw everybody out.
Let's go!
Maybe there's some way
you-- you'd reconsider?
No way.
You can't let him
go through with this.
Look, he's my boss.
He's got his mind
set on it.
I've never had to work with
a Secret Santa worse than you
and I've dealt with several
on Alcatraz.
Gordon, stop talking to yourself
and get your butt over here.
Now, all we need is
your signature.
[electrical charge]
What just happened?
I couldn't let you
go through with it.
Where are we?
Your house,
Christmas morning, 1967.
Have a look.
Have a look.
Merry Christmas,
sweetheart.
Merry Christmas, son.
[Lilith]
You don't recognize this room,
these people?
It's me
and my parents.
Why are we here?
Get a grip, Greedy.
You'll see.
Come on.
Boots?
I wanted a train.
Son, this world is full
of suckers and winners.
I want you to be a winner.
A toy train isn't going
to get you anywhere in life,
but with good pair of boots,
you can start working.
Shoveling snow,
mowing lawns,
making money.
He's only a boy.
The sooner he learns the meaning
of a buck, the better.
Can't you see I'm trying to
teach him the lessons of life?
I wanted a train.
I really wanted
that train.
Those were
perfectly fine boots.
Last year
you gave him a shovel.
It was a perfectly
fine shovel.
If you don't change
your ways, Gordon.
Teddy will be saying the same
thing to his children.
Change, Gordon.
Now come on.
"Dear Santa Claus,
"All I want for Christmas
is my dad to believe in you.
"If he did, he would understand
the spirit of Christmas
"and might be nicer
to everyone,
"including me and my mom.
"Please help him find
the spirit of Christmas.
Love, Teddy."
See what you're doing?
How can I make it up
to him?
Change.
Change?
How?
I've only known one way
since I was a kid.
Exactly.
Just as your father
taught you,
as you are teaching Teddy,
and as Teddy will teach
his children.
Change, Gordon.
I'm a used car salesman,
died and caste.
I cornered
the market on used bikes
when I was about his age.
I'm a bottom-line guy.
The bottom line, Gordon, isn't
how many cars you sell
or the job title
that you're striving for,
it's the love that your family
members have for each other.
They love me.
They're leaving you,
Gordon.
And all you'll have
is an empty house.
Come on.
You don't really think
she's going
to take
Teddy away, do you?
What do you think?
This is your moment,
Gordon.
It's all up to you.
I never believed it
would come to this.
Now I know what I must do.
Hey.
Here.
Just sign it, kid.
Then I'll take you over
to The Pink Monkey
and we'll celebrate.
You know why?
Uh, uh, no.
Because I'm giving you
the CEO job right now.
Now come on,
let's get it over with.
Sign it.
Sign it.
Sign away.
Don't do it, Dad!
Teddy.
Will you sign the eviction
notice already?!
Don't sign it, Dad.
Please, you can't close
this place down.
No, no.
I can't.
I can't evict these kids!
What?
Here, give me that.
Thank goodness!
Mr. Slykes,
the real bottom line
is the love you share
with your family.
Have you gone
crackers, kid?
Furthermore, I think those
cars that Louie and Donny
are bringing to the lot
are stolen.
We'll be right back.
Come on, kids.
I'll order pizza.
I think my dad's in trouble.
We're on it.
Well, get him out of the car.
He's lost it.
Started sh**ting off his mouth
about our little operation.
You can't do this to me!
I'm a Secret Santa.
You're sure fat enough
to be Santa Claus.
You ever seen the way
this guy eats?
Look, just tie him up.
Then see if you can find
his lot lizard.
We're going to have
to nix this whole operation.
Get down.
Get down.
Unhand me!
I'm Santa Claus!
Ah, shut up!
You'll get nothing in your
stocking this year, young man.
I'm telling you.
Oh shut up, Merry.
What are they gonna
do with my dad?
I don't know.
What's wrong with you?
Let's call the cops.
That wouldn't be
a good idea right now.
You're dad could get
into a lot of trouble
for selling stolen cars.
Stolen cars.
Slykes set us up.
I check the titles he's been
giving us with the DMV
and they're phonies.
I'll have to go in there
myself if I have to.
Easy, cowboy.
I gotta to think
this one through.
I'll tell you one more time.
I'm a Secret Santa.
I'm helping Santa deliver
presents this year.
There's an elf
that's helping me.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Holiday nog's done rot
his brain, boss.
[chuckles]
Well, whatever it is,
his big mouth isn't
gonna put me in jail.
As a matter of fact,
you're gonna take the rap.
[mumbling]
Now here.
Here's a list of all the cars
that were stolen
from the retirement village.
Only in this
revised version,
only you and Donny
are in on the scam.
Hey, hey, hey!
Are you guys trying
to double-cross me?
Sorry, Donny.
[cuffs clicking]
[Slykes]
We gotta clear our tracks.
Put him in
the back of the car.
All right, we'll take him
to the warehouse,
then I'll figure out
what to do next.
What are you doing
with my dad?
Kirk, you're fired.
I quit.
And you.
You little brats.
You call the cops
and I'll deny everything.
And then I'll come
and get you.
Kirk, anybody calls the cop,
you're in big trouble, buddy.
I'm already wanted
in 49 states.
I'm out of here.
What about my dad?
He'll-- he'll be okay.
I thought
I'd find you here.
Mom, they've
kidnapped dad.
Right, and they're holding him
for a million-dollar ransom.
Teddy, I told you I don't
want you hanging around here.
Mom, I'm telling
the truth.
Margo, I suggest
you go home right now.
Teddy, get in the car.
But what about my bike?
We'll come
and pick it up later.
Get in the car.
But Mom,
I'm telling the truth.
[Gordon screaming]
Ahh!
[groaning]
[shuddering]
Ah, oh...
Where is he?
I don't know.
You idiot.
[Gordon shivering]
I certainly have made
a mess out of things.
I should have listened to that
elf when I had a chance.
I should've paid
more attention to my family...
been there when
they needed me.
Now I may never see them again.
I just need one more chance.
One chance to make
things right.
Oh...
[owl]
Who?
Why, why, why, me,
of course.
Who said that?
[owl]
Over here.
Youse lost your way?
You're-- you're an owl!
A talking owl!
Yeah, right,
and you're Santa Claus.
No, I just look like him.
Duh! So what are youse
doing out here?
I don't know.
Where am I?
The North Pole, of course.
Ya cold?
Yeah.
Freezing.
Yeah, I know.
That's tough.
Can you help me?
I don't think so.
You're Gordy Covington,
right?
Yes.
Yes, I am.
Sorry, pal,
the word's out on you.
Nobody gives a hoot one way or
another what happens to you.
I've done some rotten things.
Yeah, a lot of things.
Okay, a lot of rotten things.
But I've changed.
I've seen the light.
All I need is another
chance to prove
I'm not the old
Gordon I used to be.
Well, it's no mouse in my craw
either way, pally,
but if you keep moving north
you'll come to Santy's place.
Will he help me?
Well, I wouldn't,
but then he's known
to be soft on mooks
like you.
Give it a try,
what have you got to lose?
You're right.
North you say?
Straight ahead.
Thanks.
Yeah, whatever.
[sighing]
Hmm, oh.
Hey, hey--
Hmm.
North Pole, huh.
See ya.
What a mess
I've made of things.
How could I have ever
been so blind?
I rented a cabin
for Christmas.
Snowboarding,
snowball fights, the works.
Yes!
My first white Christmas.
That's right.
Take it.
Just take it, kid.
I'd feel better
if you did.
Okay, I'll do it.
But if one of those llamas
bites my kid, I'll sue.
I had to go the NASCAR races
last year.
Ambrose invited me,
I couldn't say no.
It was-- it was business.
I'll dress up
like Santa Claus.
My Christmas play is
tonight at 7:00.
I'll be there.
I don't listen to
no stinkin' elves.
Hey! Does the key fit
in that car?
Get lost!
Do I deliver these
to Eric?
No, I guess I'll just have
to find a place for them.
Are we going for sure
this year?
Of course, I promise.
Ah...
Hello, Earth to Santa.
Uh,
I'm not Santa Claus.
I just look like him.
Yeah, right.
You've got the beard,
you've got the hat,
and like you're fat.
I haven't always
been fat.
Listen, one minute I'm
in the trunk of a car,
the next minute I'm walking
through the forest.
I don't even know
where I am.
Oh, you're
a Secret Santa.
Chapter ten
in the elf manual.
I knew I should have
read that.
Great, I'm with an elf
and she doesn't know
where we are either.
Look, I may be
an elf in training
and you may be a Secret Santa
but, hey, you know what,
let's go find out about
this place to get her.
Okay, lead the way.
Let's go.
What's this?
Why, the mine shaft,
of course.
Mine shaft?
Where do you think all those
lumps of coal come from, huh?
Oh, I got a lot of those
when I was a little kid.
I bet you did.
Come on, let's go.
Okay.
And this is the place where
Santa makes all his
Christmas treats
for the good little boys
and good little girls
of the world.
Oh, boy!
Hey, you!
You're fat enough already.
Come on, let's go.
Okay.
Well, this is it.
This is the end
of the road for me.
You're on your own
from here on out.
Well,
what is this place?
This is the place where
you'll get all the answers.
The only problem is
I can never figure out
how to get this door open.
[door rattling]
Maybe we should just knock.
[gasps]
What a great idea.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Whoo, whoo.
Hurry up, hurry up.
Whoo.
Whew.
Well, look what
the cat dragged in.
I've changed.
Mmm.
I told you I would.
Mmm-hmm.
Hmm, hmm.
[chuckling]
I'm impressed.
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
[wind whistling]
Where am I?
Santa Claus's home.
Really?!
Yeah.
Give me a hand.
Eh, eh.
Wipe your feet!
You'll have the missis
on my case.
Come on,
I'll give you the tour.
How do I know
this isn't a dream?
Ow!
Oh, it's not a dream.
Is he here?
The man?
Yeah.
He's in bed.
He's old.
Check this out.
What is this?
It's a signature book...
of all the people who have
been Secret Santas.
You didn't think Santa could
deliver presents by himself.
Guess not.
These folks were asked to do
what you're doing.
Santa isn't a single person,
he's a spirit of good will.
Think what life would be
like without Christmas.
No fruitcake and eggnog.
Just kidding.
Think of all the love that
otherwise would not
be expressed
if we didn't have Christmas.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Sign your name.
♪
Andrew Stevens.
Andrew Stevens.
Ugh.
Very naughty this year.
[thunder rumbling]
Every letter
sent to Santa is read.
The child's request is recorded
by the register
and checked off by zip code.
You mean Santa doesn't
read every letter?
Between you and me,
no, he doesn't.
I mean, two and a half million
letters a year and rising.
The man is old.
[girls]
Howdy, Secret Santa!
[Gordon]
Ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas!
[girls]
Merry Christmas!
[computer beeping]
This is our monitoring room.
Where we really find out who
was naughty and who was nice.
We have many of these rooms
spread throughout the home.
Wow.
Of course!
I can you a big discount.
Secretly,
I own the place.
That old guy, Slykes,
he's just a front
for tax purposes.
Oh!
That's so exciting!
[Gordon]
Wow! Santa really does know.
[beeping]
Whoa, it's late.
We gotta get you
in a magic Santa suit.
Let's roll.
Let's rock.
Your ride.
No reindeer?
Their union was too hard
to negotiate with.
Uh, I don't think I have a
license to drive this thing.
Don't worry.
It's programmed.
This is your show.
I'm just here
to supervise.
This is miniature gift-location
and disbursement finder.
Called a MINI for short.
The LCD readout will
automatically tell you
which presents go under
what tree.
Where are the presents?
They're in here!
Are you kidding?
It's huge in there.
I know.
Let's roll.
Oh, you still have to say,
"Onward Dasher
"and Dancer, on Prancer
"and Vixen, on Comet, on Cupid,
on Donner and Blitzen.
And Rudolph!"
[wind whistling]
Okay.
Check your MINI.
Our first house
is coming up.
Okay, a baseball bat
and a pair of roller blades.
One baseball bat...
and, uh, roller blades?
Yeah, I remember
wrapping that one.
Aren't we going to land?
No, when I say the word,
just throw them overboard.
Okay!
Okay.
[growling]
I don't understand
how this works.
Don't worry.
The presents, they made it
right down the chimney.
Most of our sleighs are
PGDS-equipped.
PGDS?
Precision Gift
Delivery System.
A couple of our elves
at MIT developed it.
Okay, check your MINI.
We only have four seconds
between chimneys.
This one gets a puppy.
A puppy?!
Oh...
Good luck, little fella.
Okay.
If that's it, do you think
we could go through
a drive-thru?
I'm starving.
It's Christmas Eve, Santa.
Everything's closed.
Not in Vegas!
We're not done yet.
Check your MINI.
That's right.
Your sister-in-law's.
We're gonna do this
the old-school way.
With pleasure.
[siren blaring, horn honking]
Oh!
[laughing]
[sighing]
You know...
I never dressed up
like Santa Claus for Teddy.
We never set cookies out
or anything.
I thought they would
just get stale.
Well, now you know better.
Here's a little something.
A little gift from me.
[chuckles]
Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
[whispers]
Good luck, Santa.
Thanks.
You're gonna do just fine.
Thanks.
Yup.
Gonna do just fine.
♪
Merry Christmas, Teddy.
Santa's here.
Dad?
Santa Claus?
They made me
a Santa Claus, son.
It
you.
Santa Claus does exist!
You were right.
Say, would you like to ride
in Santa's sleigh?
Yeah!
First, I have
something for you.
Tickets to Aspen.
We are gonna have a white
Christmas after all.
Thanks, Dad.
Come on, let's go.
We've got 15 minutes
to get to Tokyo.
Okay.
Wow!
Cool sleigh.
And... a real elf?
Yes, thank you.
See, he knows better than
to call me a leprechaun.
Santa, head due south.
We got a score
to settle.
[all]
Whoa!
Yeah, I-- I know
it's Christmas Eve,
but I got a great idea.
You want a promotion,
don't you?
Look, I'm moving
to Palm Springs.
I need somebody to run
all my lots for me.
I had a bad feeling
about him.
I should have listened to it.
What are you gonna do
about it now?
Will you watch my back?
Of course.
Hold on.
What's taking you
so long, stupid?
Well, boss, they don't make
these cars like they used to.
They're a lot harder
to steal.
Now, listen...
Merry Christmas, Ambrose.
The office party
is over there, Santa.
You've been a bad boy!
Well, haven't we all.
[groaning]
Bye, Santa.
I'm busy.
Well, I'm just
getting started.
[electrical charge]
No one messes
with the Claus.
You really are
Santa Claus?
I thought you were just
in kids' books.
Wrong again.
And I know what you did
to Gordon Covington.
Gordon who?
Dangled a promotion
in front of him.
Pushed stolen cars on him.
Oh, that Gordon Covington.
Well, I know him.
You only thought
you did, kid.
Ambrose?
Yeah, Santa.
You're only getting one thing
for Christmas this year.
A stretch in the pokey.
Oh, in your dreams,
chubby!
Ohh!
Ahh!
Good assist, son.
You know, if you'd only
given me
the red wagon
I asked you for, Santa,
I wouldn't have had
to steal one
and go down
the path of crime.
[Lilith]
You're lying.
You got the red wagon.
But you wanted a bigger one
with chrome wheels,
so you went out and stole it.
Here's to making
a fresh start.
Let's try this again.
[crying]
Oh, it's my little red wagon.
[dialing]
This is Santa Claus.
I'd like to report a crime
against the Christmas spirit.
Yes, I'll hold.
Uh, Merry Christmas, boss.
Shut up.
[whooping and laughter]
Whoa!
Whoa!
[laughter]
We better get you
back home now, son.
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo!
[laughter]
[all]
Whoa!
[giggles]
Whoa.
Dad, that was awesome.
I can't promise you
a sleigh ride every year.
But I can promise you that
we are going to be
a much happier
family from here on out.
Okay, I won't promise,
I'll just prove it.
I know you will, Dad.
I love you.
I love you too, son.
See you tomorrow.
Bye, Dad.
[sniffling]
Hey.
What?
There's a snowflake
in my eye.
Onward.
Onward?
Take off.
[laughing]
Oh, no.
I forgot to tell Dad
we're leaving
for Phoenix tomorrow morning.
Teddy, what are
you doing up?
Uh, I was...
er... thirsty.
No, opening presents
'til morning.
Okay?
Okay.
Now you get
back in bed.
Okay.
Santa can get here
without any of your help.
Good night.
Good night.
I wish I could
keep the sleigh.
You can't.
The last thing to take care of
is the meeting.
The meeting?
With him.
This is the end of the line
for you and me.
I know I've been
a pain in the neck,
but it's been
worth your while.
I've changed,
truly changed.
What are you gonna
do for work?
Hmm.
I wonder if the Easter Bunny
needs help.
Gordon.
[chuckling]
He's waiting.
[door opens]
Gordon.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus.
You know, you have experienced
the spirit of Christmas
in a very unique way.
You got to be Santa Claus
for a night.
But there's one more request
I have to make of you.
When you go back
to your life,
don't leave the spirit of
Christmas just in your mind.
Carry it with you
every day and act on it.
Now go and just have
a wonderful life.
I will.
Bye, Gordon.
Bye. Thank you.
[door opens, shuts]
[birds chirping]
[chuckling]
[laughing]
I'm not Santa Claus anymore.
[chuckles]
I couldn't have asked
for a better present.
Thank you.
[chuckling]
Hmm.
[beep]
[Teddy]
Dad, we're taking off
for Phoenix today.
Hurry.
♪
[engine starts]
Don't worry, sis.
It's gonna be great
to be back home.
Oh, I don't know.
Look, you gave him
a chance.
You gave him a whole
lot of chances.
I know.
It's just that I know Teddy's
really gonna miss him.
[scoffs] He was
never there to miss.
That's the point.
I guess you're right.
Come on, Dad.
Teddy, ready to go?
No. I don't want to go.
I know.
It's just that it...
it's better for
both of us this way.
If your father wanted us,
he would've come back for us.
Come on.
[distant siren blaring]
[siren grows louder]
Oh, my God.
Dad!
I didn't think
you'd make it.
No one ever had the cops
chasing after me.
I came as soon as I could.
I just got your message.
I'll take care of this.
Hey.
Back off, man.
Can't you see that this
is a reuniting family?
I want you
to come home.
I've changed.
You're shaving again,
and you've lost the weight.
No, I've changed inside.
Ambrose is a jerk.
I was a jerk.
You were right all along.
I realize that
you two, my family,
are all I really have...
or need.
I want you back.
You need therapy, you know.
In a manner of speaking,
I've had it.
I was Santa Claus
last night.
You kept the store open
on Christmas Eve?
No, not Secret Santa.
I mean, I was
really Santa Claus.
I delivered thousand of gifts,
I rode around in his sleigh,
met the man.
It was totally
unbelievable!
You can say that again.
I was with him
last night, Mom.
He is telling the truth.
Are you kidding me?
Forget all
the Santa stuff.
I've changed, I swear.
♪
Please come home.
I love you.
I love our son.
I love you too.
Oh...
[chuckles]
Hey.
That was a great thing
you did there, man.
Thanks.
Want to come in
for some coffee?
Sure.
It's Christmas,
isn't it?
How fast was he going?
Oh, I don't know.
I was just bored.
Really?
Yeah, it was
a slow morning.
Plus, it's a great way
to meet chicks.
No.
Mom, did Dad tell you
we're going to Aspen?
Aspen?
We can't afford that.
It's a gift
from a good friend.
A good friend?
Yeah, I would say so.
Make that a great friend.
You know, you're
gonna love Aspen.
Those mountains
are beautiful.
The snow,
you won't believe it.
♪
Okay... I'll do it.
But if one of those llamas
bites my kid, I'll sue.
Aah!
Next.
[shrieks]
It's my little red wagon.
Don't ever call me
a leprechaun.
I'm an elf.
Yup...
gonna do just fine.
When you go back
to your life,
don't leave the spirit of
Christmas just in your mind.
Carry it with you
every day.
This is the place where
you get all the answers.
[laughing]
Thank goodness!
Well, I wouldn't,
but then he's known to be
soft on mooks like you.
Dear Santa (1998)
Moderator: Maskath3