04x10 - Water Safety

[bunniefuu]

WATER SAFETY

Fall in, people.

Today I'm gonna teach you
about basic water safety.

Is that clear?

Butt-Head, what is your problem?

I can't seem to take my
eyes off this girl's butt, sir.

Well, I'm gonna take your
eyes out of your sockets

and stick 'em up your butt
if you don't pay attention.

Now, lesson one,

- the doggy paddle.
- Doggy style?

Yeah. Doggy style.

Now, when you arrive
at the point of exhaustion

you might utilize the body's
natural tendency to float.

He's a "flatuer".

Yeah.

Butt-Head, do you
find this amusing?

No.

No.

There's like,
a bunch of water falling down.

Yeah, yeah, and some mud!

Yeah.

- A chick in the rain.
- Yeah, yeah. And a dog.

- I guess that's pretty cool.
- Yeah, yeah.

Water, water, WATER! WATER!

- That chick needs a raincoat.
- Yeah.

Hey Beavis.

Do you like, uh... have a raincoat?

Yeah.

When was the last
time you used it?

Last night! On your mom!

Dammit, Beavis!

Hey Butt-Head, you know
how, like, when it rains

like, aftewards you go on the street

like, all the earth worms come
out, step on 'em and they go:

Yeah.

Mud is cool!

Mud rules!

How come these guys are,
like, playing out in the mud?

Well, it's either because they're
really stupid or really cool.

Shut up, Beavis!

Thank you, miss Morgendorffer.
Next! Butt-Head!

Please demonstrate your
mastery of floating.

I said Butt-Head!
Where are you, Butt-Head?

He's over there.

- Daaamn!
- Beavis!

You will save your
friend's life! NOW!

Okay.

Ah! It's too cold.

Miss Morgendorffer, please
commandeer my clipboard and whistle.

This sucks!

Butt-Head, do you have an explanation

for your unspeakable behavior?

I was dead.

- Yeah. He looks dead.
- Do your or do you not

have a reason for placing my
life and accreditation at risk?

I can't swim.

Yeah. Me too.

And what about your
patent disregard for Beavis?

Do you not care a rat's ass for the
safety of your closest companion?

No.

- Yeah. No.
- Listen up, people!

I am moving this class to the
nurse's station immediatly!

It's obvious you people need to
learn life saving techniques

as well as the code of the sea.

Ok, class.

Beavis and Butt-Head
have volunteered

to serve as CPR dummies for
our medical emergency lesson.

Oh, gross.

Their extremities have been incapacitated

to simulate the paralysis characteristic

to a pool trauma victim.
Fall in, people!

That sucks!

Do I have a volunteer? Stevenson?

I can't do it!

That man fails! By now
our victims would be braindead!

Cool.

- Yeah yeah, cool.
- Kimberly, revive the trauma victims.

Uh, baby.

- Come to Butt-Head.
- Yeah, and then come to me.

I don't think so. I have a doctor's note

excusing me from any emotionally
destructive school activities.

- It's valid all the way through college.
- Students, I'm extremely disappointed

by today's performance.
Do you require that I

personally demonstrate the
correct resuscitation technique?

- No.
- Yeah.

No.

- No.
- It's like Jaws the movie.

- No.
- First, it is essential

to establish an air tight
seal over the mouth

of the trauma victim.

- This sucks.
- Which victim wishes to go first?

- No!
- No!

Noooo!

Is he gonna vomit?

Yeah, VOMIT, VOMIT! VOMIT!

- Vomit, dammit!
- Settle down, Beavis.

- When he was six weeks...
- b*ttcheeks?

WHERE, WHERE, WHERE? b*ttcheeks?

They didn't show b*ttcheeks,
dumbass, he just said "b*ttcheeks".

That's cool.

Mr. Blue Veins...

Mr. Blue Vein!

Yeah.

Hey Butt-Head. I have a blue vein.

Okay, Beavis.

Hey, Butt-Head...

Hey Butt-Head, check it out.

Come on, hey Butt-Head!
Butt-Head! Check it out.

Put Mr. Blue Vein
away, Beavis!

Don't bogart it, dude.

"Kills millions of
germs on contract".

A marine can stand anything!

A marine can stand anything!

A marine can stand anything!

"Excuse me, son. You're busted
for stealing shopping carts".

It's like: "My partner wants
to send you to the juvy home

but if you, like, tell us who
stole the shopping carts

I might, like, convince him to let you
get off with, like, just an ass kicking".

Okay.

I don't want to look at
some dude's hairy butt!

If they would, like, just show a chick's
butt maybe it would be a buzz clip.

Yeah, yeah.

That's not how it goes, Beavis.

Dumbass.

Whoa, look at that!
They almost showed that chick's butt!

Yeah.

But "close" only counts in horse
shoes and, like... lemonade or something.

Sometimes they have showed horses butt.

What?

What?

I don't know.

- Wait a minute. What's going on here?
- Yeah, yeah.

This looks like one of those
"Obsession" commercials.