02x16 - Get Bessy/A Beautiful Freddy
Posted: 12/12/23 09:51
- I'm just heading to the fields, duke.
I'll be back.
[Sheep bleating]
- Clear!
[Upbeat hoedown music]
- All right!
♪
- Rat-a-bamba!
- ♪ From the haystacks up to the hilltops ♪
♪ We go on dancing
- Whoo-hoo! Whoa!
Ow, ow! Okay, ow.
Ow!
- ♪ Do si do your partner now ♪
♪
♪ Party till the morning light ♪
♪
♪ Do si do and don't you know ♪
♪ It's just the way we animals roll ♪
[Motor roaring]
- Ha ha!
- [Clucking]
[Increasing roar]
All: whoa!
- Wow, saving that race of mole people
From those giant evil bloodworms at the center of the earth
Was cool!
[All agreeing]
- Definitely one of our better adventures.
- I still can't believe they made pig their emperor.
- Whoaaaa!
I abused my power, and I learned nothing.
[Laughter]
- Oh, we're great.
- Hey, dummies, you can't park here.
It's a no-moron zone.
[Chuckles] "no-moron zone."
- Hey, did you guys ever notice how bessie always insults us
And then just walks off somewhere?
- She insults us? - Nu-uh.
- Who, bessie?
- Really? - You're a dirty liar!
- No, guys, think about it.
Now look up.
- Hey, dummy. Moron.
Moron. Moron.
Sugar ray loser. Moron.
Sir isaac moron. Moron.
Crazy stupid. Bye-bye, moron!
Your mother!
- Now I believe it. - Hey, you're right.
- What I want to know is,
Where does she go when she walks away?
- Well, she probably has things to do.
- Things to do? We're barn animals.
All we do is eat, sleep,
And let the farmer squeeze breakfast products out of us.
What could she possibly have to do?
- We could ask her.
- Yes, we could ask her...
Or we could totally spy on her!
- Otis, bessie would be hurt and angry
If she knew we were spying on her.
- You're right.
- So let's be extra quiet so we don't get caught.
- Your spirit is shiny
And smells of cherries, lady cow!
- Huh, yes. Interesting.
No way!
[Gasps] who knew?
- Dude, she hasn't even walked in yet.
- I'm practicing.
- Wait, there she is!
[Music for intrigue]
♪
- Well, that was a snorefest.
- Are you kidding?
She just dressed up like a mysterious french lady,
Put a giant wad of cash in her purse,
And drove off in an unmarked black van.
I haven't been this curious since--let me see...
I've never been this curious!
Come on; let's follow her!
- Come on! - Let's go!
- She's getting out.
She's looking around.
She's walking up to that fancy art gallery.
The starlight danced majestically
On the street below.
- Are you going to narrate all night?
- Guys, what would bessie be doing at an art gallery?
- Hey, maybe bessie's an international art thief.
[Laughter]
- That's a good one.
- Yeah, and maybe she's going to scale the building
With suction cups.
[Laughter]
And she's doing it.
[Laughter] wha?
[Suctions popping]
- All right. Everyone, calm down.
Let's not jump to conclusions.
I mean, it's not like we've witnessed her
Lowering down priceless works of art.
- And she's lowering them down.
- The animals couldn't believe their eyes.
Bessie seemed to be living a secret double life.
They vowed then and there
To unravel this raveled-up mystery
In which they'd become raveled.
- You're doing it again. - Um, hello!
- Ugh, again?
- The next morning, mystery was crisp in the air
As the animals awoke from their--
Oh, great, now I'm doing it!
- Hey, dummy.
- Look at her, acting all
"I'm not an international art thief."
- Yeah, look at her beady little eyes;
Her furrowed brow; her cruel, hateful beak.
- Freddy, you're looking at me.
- I know what you did!
- Guys, bessie's my best friend.
I refuse to believe she stole those paintings.
- Well, there's only one way to find out.
- Confront her with what we saw?
- No way!
Remember the last time we tried to confront her with something?
[Screams]
- Alert the authorities?
- Ha! You remember the last time
We tried to alert the authorities?
[Screams]
- Maybe we should forget the whole thing
And go about our business.
- You remember the last time we tried
To forget the whole thing and go about our business?
[Screams]
No, we search her stall
And see what other luxury goods ol' sticky-hooves has in there.
- Otis! A cow's stall is sacred.
Bessie would never forgive us
If she caught us violating her personal space.
- [Disappointedly] you're right.
- Which is why freddy and peck should distract her
While we're doing it.
- Your delicious life force quickens my heart bag, lady cow!
- There she is.
Now, remember, we have to play it real cool
So she doesn't know she's being distracted.
- Right.
- Uh, hi, bessie.
Lovely weather we're having, huh?
- Yeah.
- She's on to us! - What do we do?
- Don't panic! - I can't help it!
- She can smell our fear! - We're goners!
- No way out! - Run away!
- I found a priceless designer watch.
- I found a suitcase full of cash.
- I found a set of keys.
- Why is that suspicious?
- They're to this italian sports car.
- Well, that clinches it.
The bessie we loved and thought we knew
Is a criminal mastermind.
- "Gasp," abby gasped as she unraveled another clue:
Blueprints to a mansion.
Was this to be the scene of bessie's next crime?
- What happened then, abby?
- Guys, bessie's coming.
- Something funny's going on here,
And I'm going to find out what.
[Animals whistling]
- Whistle, whistle.
Oh, hey, bessie.
Didn't see you there.
We're just hanging out, not doing anything suspicious.
Say, you look a little tense.
Is there anything you'd like to get off your chest?
- No. Now, get out of my way.
I have plans tonight.
- Otis, if we don't get bessie some help,
She might get arrested.
- Yeah, and if she drops a dime to johnny law,
We could all end up
Doing the concrete shuffle on slammer alley.
- Peck's right... Unless he's not.
I have no idea what he just said.
But while he was rambling, I formulated an ingenious plan.
- We'll get her the therapy she so desperately needs?
- No, we rob the mansion ourselves
So there's nothing left for her to steal.
- He's a genius. - That's why he's the leader.
- I know. This stuff just comes to me.
- Now, hold on, otis.
Robbing a mansion is a serious crime
That goes against everything we believe in.
- [Disappointedly] you're right.
- Which is why we better wear black for camouflage
So we don't get caught.
- Your soul crackles with a thousand electric lights,
O sparkly cowess.
[Adventure music]
♪
- Wow! It's beautiful.
- Ooh, la, la. - Nice pad.
- Okay, people, grab anything valuable.
We want to clean this place out
So there's nothing left for bessie to steal.
- Well, I'll do it for bessie, but I want you to know
I'm stealing under pr-- hey, this matches my drapes!
[All talking excitedly]
- I got the jewelry.
Step away from the jewelry.
- Get out of my way! - Show me the money.
- Hey, look, a tiny toaster oven.
[Alarm wailing]
The defrost setting is awfully loud.
[Dog barking]
Quick, let's take a dip in the pool
And get out of here.
- Freddy, are you crazy?
The cops'll be here any minute.
- Then we only have time for the massage chair.
- [Together] ah!
Thud!
[Together] huh?
- What's going on here?
- [Together] weird al yankovic?
- Yeah, I'm weird al yankovic.
What are you doing in my house?
- [Together] robbing it.
- Oh, really?
Good thing all famous people have police hotlines.
- Wait! Don't call the police!
- Get off my hotline!
- I don't want to get off your hotline.
- Oh.
- You just messed with the wrong grammy winner.
Whaa!
Whaa!
- [Screams] hilarious w*apon!
Yee-ah!
- Gold records! Gold records!
Hoo, ho, hey, whoa, see, ha!
- Hair att*ck, hair att*ck!
- Whoa!
- Hello, I'm pig with hollywood fact or fiction?
True or false: weird al yankovic styles his own hair.
False!
Weird al has an army of norwegian hairstylists
Who are on call / for all his styling needs.
He can also time travel and once ate an outboard motor.
Now back to the action.
- Bagpipes!
Giant clam!
Live ostrich!
- Yee-ah!
[Slow-motion yell]
- Otis! - Bessie?
[Slow-motion yell resumes]
Thud!
- What are you morons doing here?
- Bessie, you know them?
- You know bessie?
- How do you know bessie?
- I know ryan seacrest.
- Oh, he's america's sweetheart.
- All right. All right. Everybody, zip it.
Otis, what's going on here?
- We were trying to rob weird al yankovic's house
Before you did so you wouldn't get arrested
And spend the rest of your life in jail.
[Silence]
[Laughter]
What's so funny?
- You dummy! I'm not a burglar.
I'm weird al yankovic's personal shopper.
- Personal shop--
Oh, cud, that's why you had all that stuff in your stall.
- And the blueprints to his mansion.
- I feel stupid. - That explains everything.
- Hold up. Wait up.
We saw you climbing up a building with suction cups.
- Yeah, I hate elevators.
- That makes sense. - I'm with you there, sister.
- I have to apologize for my friends, al.
Their brains are small and confused.
But I guess they had my best interests at heart.
- Bessie, doesn't your friend think it's weird
That you're a talking animal?
- Care to answer that, al?
- Yeah, no problem.
[Whinnies]
[Laughter]
- He's a horse. - He's a horse!
- That is awesome!
Hey, weird al, you should totally come
To the barnyard some time and hang out.
- The animals laughed,
Relieved that the mystery had finally been unraveled.
Outside, the moon shone brightly
Like a happy monkey with papaya in it.
- She's doing it again. - Does she always do that?
- Oh, all right!
[Clucking]
- Whoo-hoo!
- Man, partying with the hawk people
In cloud city was awesome!
- Got that right. - Sure was.
- Best adventure ever.
- I can't believe
They made weird al yankovic their supreme overlord.
- [Yelling]
I abused my power and learned nothing.
[Laughter]
- You dum--ah, never mind.
[Happy polka music]
♪
- Hey, folks, get out your brains.
It's time to play...
[Cheering]
- Man, this show has everything:
Humiliation, greed, fabulous prizes,
The word "ding-dong."
I love it!
- Not as much as freddy does.
- Zucchini! The magna carta!
Mudskippers!
- Freddy, they haven't even asked any questions yet.
- Danish, beaver, cheese!
All: quiet!
- Sorry. You know how much I love trivia.
- Okay, finalists, put on your thinking pants.
What is the chemical symbol for bacon?
- Margaret thatcher! Pilates!
The san diego chicken!
[All complaining]
Guys, phrase your angry shouts in the form of a question.
- Why are you so stupid?
[All groan]
- Ah, man, now we'll never get to see
Who wins million-dollar ding-dong.
- Don't worry; I'll fix it.
Freddy, go up on the roof and wiggle the antenna around.
- I'm on it.
Careful.
Watch it.
Easy.
Made it.
[Electricity crackling]
[Screams]
- Freddy fell off the roof!
[Music playing]hey, the show's back.
- Freddy, I'm so sorry.
Are you hurt?
- [With british accent] well, the distance from the roof
Equaled the velocity of the rate of descent times pi,
So, yes, I'm in a lot of pain.
- Hey, he's talking like a fancy boy.
- Yeah, his words are huge.
- It's odd, really.
The chances of a lightning strike
Were , to ,
With an error margin of plus or minus ..
- Who are you, and what have you done with freddy?
- Wait a minute.
Freddy, what's the capital of outer mongolia?
- Ulan bator, of course.
- [Gasps] he's right.
- What's the square root of ,?
- , Duh.
- He's right again.
- Quick, solve this incredibly complicated--
Okay, then.
- Otis, what's going on?
- Isn't it obvious?
Freddy's getting hit by lightning made us all dumb.
- Or made him a genius.
- I don't follow.
- Hmm, frankly, I'm skeptical,
From the latin skeptos, meaning "doubtful."
- He is smart.
- I'm frightened.
- He's a witch! Hoo.
- No, guys, he's not a witch.
This is a good thing.
With freddy's new smarts,
He can go on trivia cash a-ding-dong
And win the million-dollar ding-dong!
[All cheering]
- Wait, guys.
Why do we need a million dollars?
We have everything we want.
- I didn't think of that. - Good point.
- Wait, this is my chance
To finally do something for you guys.
I can win us a nest egg for our old age
Or solar panels to make the barn more fuel-efficient.
[Bird screeches]
[Resignedly] we could also buy a hot tub.
[All cheering]
- Now you're talking.
- The witch is right. - Hello!
- Get out your brains.
It's time to play...
All: trivia cash a-ding-dong!
[Cheering]
- Otis, do you really think freddy has a chance
To win the million?
- With his new lightning-induced thing-knowing ability?
I don't know.
- Let's meet today's contestants.
He's a paralegal and part-time hand model.
Say hi to freddy not-a-ferret.
- Let's hope my perspicacity matches my grandiloquence.
- Hey, those words are huge.
Next up, a manicurist who lives with cats.
Let's meet phyllis terwilliger.
- Hi, whiskers.
[Cat wailing]
- And, finally, a legendary behemoth and model train lover.
Say hello to bigfoot.
- [Roars]
- This'll be tough.
Bigfoot really knows his state capitals.
- Hey, let's play some ding-dong.
[Crowd cheering]
In what year did vasco de gama--
Ding!- .
- Hey, he's right.
[Cheering]
Next question.
What country imports--
Ding!- Argentina.
- Right again.
[Cheering]
What film--- miracle at fleetle creek.
- Who-- - beethoven.
- What-- - athlete's foot.
- Where-- - the renaissance.
[Bigfoot roars and cat screeches]
- Hey, you're starting to freak me out.
We got a live one, folks.
[Cheers and applause]
Okay, contestants.
It's time for the ding-dong wordy-word challenge.
[Cheers and applause]
- If freddy wins this round,
He moves on to million-dollar ding-dong.
- Go, fancy boy, go!
- You have seconds to solve this puzzle
Using these letters.
And...puzzle!
Ding!
- The answer is--[cell phone rings]
Oh, excuse me one sec.
Hello.
Why, yes, I would like to change my long-distance service.
- Sweet cud! Those guys always call at the wrong time.
- The puzzle, freddy. Solve the puzzle.
- Anybody else?ding!
- Is it bundt cake?
- Wow, that's a terrible guess.
Ding![Roaring]
- Ooh, so close. But wrong.
Three seconds.
[Suspenseful music]
- Well, you have a nice day too. Ta.
I'd like to solve the puzzle.
New york mets' base-stealing sensation mookie wilson.
- You're going to million-dollar ding-dong!
[Cheers and applause]
Oh, we're out of time, but join us tomorrow,
When freddy not-a-ferret plays for one million smackamoles.
[Cheers and applause]
Crowd: freddy! Freddy! Freddy! Freddy!
- To freddy, the smartest guy we know.
[All cheer]
- [Whistles]
- Thanks ever so.
It's just nice to finally be able
To do something for you guys.
Hey, I should use my big brain to fix the tv.
- This is great.
It's like having a whole new freddy.
- Yeah, his brain is huge.
- Well, I'm done.
- Freddy, what did you use to fix that thing?
- Mud, loose planks.
But the secret ingredient was polenta.
- Freddy, only a moron would fix a tv with polenta.
- Oh, you're right.
I should have used tapioca.
- This looks bad.
- Oh, no, he's dumb again.
- What? No, I'm not.
Two plus two is fish.
German is an attractive language.
[Gasps] oh, no, I am stupid!
- Ooh, that's not good.
- Otis, you have to fix me.
I need to get zapped again.
- Freddy, no, it's too dangerous.
- I don't care.
I refuse to let you guys down.
- Freddy, we don't care if you win or not.
You're our friend.
- A friend who hasn't won the million-dollar ding-dong.
- You know, there is one thing we could try.
[Electricity crackling]
Electric zapping thing charged and ready!
- Freddy, are you sure about this?
- I know what I'm doing.
Shock me, otis.
A dodecahedron has sides.
Australopithecus was the first hominid.
Huzzah, I'm smart again!
- Yeah, but for how long?
- Don't worry, otis.
I will win that million, or my name in anagram form
Isn't yefddet norrafret.
Remember, otis, if I get dumb again,
Just shock me.
The wires are cunningly hidden under this top hat.
- I don't know, freddy.
I'm having second thoughts about this.
- [Laughs] oh, you probably won't even have to.
I'm smarter than ever.
Alpha centauri is . Light-years from earth.
- That's our fancy boy.
- Okay, let's bring out yesterday's big winner,
Freddy not-a-ferret.
[Cheers and applause]
All right, how you been, little guy?
Are you ready to play million-dollar ding-dong?
- I sure am, hilly.
- Well, all righty.
Let's play some ding-dong!
Okay, let's start off with an easy one.
Who is the author of shakespeare's sonnets?
- Phil palashewski.
No, wait. Denise doddlemeier?
Uh, uh...
- He's dumb again. Shock him, otis.
- Sorry, freddy.
- Oh, did I say phil plachevski?
I meant william shakespeare, the bard of avon,
To .
- Correct!
[Cheers and applause]
- Phew!
- Next question.
How many pickles are in a -ounce pickle jar?
- It's, oh, uh...
Could you repeat the question?
- It's wearing off faster and faster.
- I'll boost the power.
Now zap him!
- Okay, but this is the last time.
- Pickles-- if they're gherkins.
Hey, bingo!
[Cheers and applause]
You're one answer away from a million dollars.
For all the potatoes, who won last year's award
For best actress in a circus movie?
- Uh, the answer's on the tip of my tongue.
Uh, it'll zap me in a moment.
I said it'll zap me!
- He needs one more jolt.
I'll boost the power.
- Otis, it says never go that high!
We could fry freddy's brain permanently.
- Permanently? That's almost forever.
I won't risk it.
- Uh, hilly, I'd like to phone a friend.
- Well, that is a different show,
But I don't see why not.
- All right. Let me just get my lucky phone.
Otis, you have to zap me.
- I can't freddy; it's too dangerous.
Let's just go home.
- No, I won't let you guys down.
I need more power.
- Freddy, no!
[Gentle harp music]
- What's happening?
Did I win?
- Not yet, freddy.
- [Gasps] alan einstein?
- It's albert, actually, but that's not important now.
I am here to tell you
That your friends don't care if you're smart.
They love you just the way you are.
- They do?
- Of course.
Oh, and, fyi, the answer to the question
Is cameron diaz.
- Thanks, einstein.
Bye!
- Hey, little guy.
Are you all right?
This usually works,
When you smack somebody in the face a bit.
- The answer is cameron diaz.
- Is that your final ding-dong?
- Yes, it is.
- Well...
That's wrong! You lose!
Crowd: aw!
- Aw! - Boo!
- Curse you, alan einstein!
You know nothing of popular culture!
- See, freddy, this isn't so bad.
We can still play the home version
Of trivia cash a-ding-dong.
- Your turn, freddy.
Name the capital of bulgaria.
- Uh, morgan freeman?
[Laughter]
- He thinks a person is a place.
- Good to have him back.
- Good to have him back, isn't it, really?
[Children laughing]
I'll be back.
[Sheep bleating]
- Clear!
[Upbeat hoedown music]
- All right!
♪
- Rat-a-bamba!
- ♪ From the haystacks up to the hilltops ♪
♪ We go on dancing
- Whoo-hoo! Whoa!
Ow, ow! Okay, ow.
Ow!
- ♪ Do si do your partner now ♪
♪
♪ Party till the morning light ♪
♪
♪ Do si do and don't you know ♪
♪ It's just the way we animals roll ♪
[Motor roaring]
- Ha ha!
- [Clucking]
[Increasing roar]
All: whoa!
- Wow, saving that race of mole people
From those giant evil bloodworms at the center of the earth
Was cool!
[All agreeing]
- Definitely one of our better adventures.
- I still can't believe they made pig their emperor.
- Whoaaaa!
I abused my power, and I learned nothing.
[Laughter]
- Oh, we're great.
- Hey, dummies, you can't park here.
It's a no-moron zone.
[Chuckles] "no-moron zone."
- Hey, did you guys ever notice how bessie always insults us
And then just walks off somewhere?
- She insults us? - Nu-uh.
- Who, bessie?
- Really? - You're a dirty liar!
- No, guys, think about it.
Now look up.
- Hey, dummy. Moron.
Moron. Moron.
Sugar ray loser. Moron.
Sir isaac moron. Moron.
Crazy stupid. Bye-bye, moron!
Your mother!
- Now I believe it. - Hey, you're right.
- What I want to know is,
Where does she go when she walks away?
- Well, she probably has things to do.
- Things to do? We're barn animals.
All we do is eat, sleep,
And let the farmer squeeze breakfast products out of us.
What could she possibly have to do?
- We could ask her.
- Yes, we could ask her...
Or we could totally spy on her!
- Otis, bessie would be hurt and angry
If she knew we were spying on her.
- You're right.
- So let's be extra quiet so we don't get caught.
- Your spirit is shiny
And smells of cherries, lady cow!
- Huh, yes. Interesting.
No way!
[Gasps] who knew?
- Dude, she hasn't even walked in yet.
- I'm practicing.
- Wait, there she is!
[Music for intrigue]
♪
- Well, that was a snorefest.
- Are you kidding?
She just dressed up like a mysterious french lady,
Put a giant wad of cash in her purse,
And drove off in an unmarked black van.
I haven't been this curious since--let me see...
I've never been this curious!
Come on; let's follow her!
- Come on! - Let's go!
- She's getting out.
She's looking around.
She's walking up to that fancy art gallery.
The starlight danced majestically
On the street below.
- Are you going to narrate all night?
- Guys, what would bessie be doing at an art gallery?
- Hey, maybe bessie's an international art thief.
[Laughter]
- That's a good one.
- Yeah, and maybe she's going to scale the building
With suction cups.
[Laughter]
And she's doing it.
[Laughter] wha?
[Suctions popping]
- All right. Everyone, calm down.
Let's not jump to conclusions.
I mean, it's not like we've witnessed her
Lowering down priceless works of art.
- And she's lowering them down.
- The animals couldn't believe their eyes.
Bessie seemed to be living a secret double life.
They vowed then and there
To unravel this raveled-up mystery
In which they'd become raveled.
- You're doing it again. - Um, hello!
- Ugh, again?
- The next morning, mystery was crisp in the air
As the animals awoke from their--
Oh, great, now I'm doing it!
- Hey, dummy.
- Look at her, acting all
"I'm not an international art thief."
- Yeah, look at her beady little eyes;
Her furrowed brow; her cruel, hateful beak.
- Freddy, you're looking at me.
- I know what you did!
- Guys, bessie's my best friend.
I refuse to believe she stole those paintings.
- Well, there's only one way to find out.
- Confront her with what we saw?
- No way!
Remember the last time we tried to confront her with something?
[Screams]
- Alert the authorities?
- Ha! You remember the last time
We tried to alert the authorities?
[Screams]
- Maybe we should forget the whole thing
And go about our business.
- You remember the last time we tried
To forget the whole thing and go about our business?
[Screams]
No, we search her stall
And see what other luxury goods ol' sticky-hooves has in there.
- Otis! A cow's stall is sacred.
Bessie would never forgive us
If she caught us violating her personal space.
- [Disappointedly] you're right.
- Which is why freddy and peck should distract her
While we're doing it.
- Your delicious life force quickens my heart bag, lady cow!
- There she is.
Now, remember, we have to play it real cool
So she doesn't know she's being distracted.
- Right.
- Uh, hi, bessie.
Lovely weather we're having, huh?
- Yeah.
- She's on to us! - What do we do?
- Don't panic! - I can't help it!
- She can smell our fear! - We're goners!
- No way out! - Run away!
- I found a priceless designer watch.
- I found a suitcase full of cash.
- I found a set of keys.
- Why is that suspicious?
- They're to this italian sports car.
- Well, that clinches it.
The bessie we loved and thought we knew
Is a criminal mastermind.
- "Gasp," abby gasped as she unraveled another clue:
Blueprints to a mansion.
Was this to be the scene of bessie's next crime?
- What happened then, abby?
- Guys, bessie's coming.
- Something funny's going on here,
And I'm going to find out what.
[Animals whistling]
- Whistle, whistle.
Oh, hey, bessie.
Didn't see you there.
We're just hanging out, not doing anything suspicious.
Say, you look a little tense.
Is there anything you'd like to get off your chest?
- No. Now, get out of my way.
I have plans tonight.
- Otis, if we don't get bessie some help,
She might get arrested.
- Yeah, and if she drops a dime to johnny law,
We could all end up
Doing the concrete shuffle on slammer alley.
- Peck's right... Unless he's not.
I have no idea what he just said.
But while he was rambling, I formulated an ingenious plan.
- We'll get her the therapy she so desperately needs?
- No, we rob the mansion ourselves
So there's nothing left for her to steal.
- He's a genius. - That's why he's the leader.
- I know. This stuff just comes to me.
- Now, hold on, otis.
Robbing a mansion is a serious crime
That goes against everything we believe in.
- [Disappointedly] you're right.
- Which is why we better wear black for camouflage
So we don't get caught.
- Your soul crackles with a thousand electric lights,
O sparkly cowess.
[Adventure music]
♪
- Wow! It's beautiful.
- Ooh, la, la. - Nice pad.
- Okay, people, grab anything valuable.
We want to clean this place out
So there's nothing left for bessie to steal.
- Well, I'll do it for bessie, but I want you to know
I'm stealing under pr-- hey, this matches my drapes!
[All talking excitedly]
- I got the jewelry.
Step away from the jewelry.
- Get out of my way! - Show me the money.
- Hey, look, a tiny toaster oven.
[Alarm wailing]
The defrost setting is awfully loud.
[Dog barking]
Quick, let's take a dip in the pool
And get out of here.
- Freddy, are you crazy?
The cops'll be here any minute.
- Then we only have time for the massage chair.
- [Together] ah!
Thud!
[Together] huh?
- What's going on here?
- [Together] weird al yankovic?
- Yeah, I'm weird al yankovic.
What are you doing in my house?
- [Together] robbing it.
- Oh, really?
Good thing all famous people have police hotlines.
- Wait! Don't call the police!
- Get off my hotline!
- I don't want to get off your hotline.
- Oh.
- You just messed with the wrong grammy winner.
Whaa!
Whaa!
- [Screams] hilarious w*apon!
Yee-ah!
- Gold records! Gold records!
Hoo, ho, hey, whoa, see, ha!
- Hair att*ck, hair att*ck!
- Whoa!
- Hello, I'm pig with hollywood fact or fiction?
True or false: weird al yankovic styles his own hair.
False!
Weird al has an army of norwegian hairstylists
Who are on call / for all his styling needs.
He can also time travel and once ate an outboard motor.
Now back to the action.
- Bagpipes!
Giant clam!
Live ostrich!
- Yee-ah!
[Slow-motion yell]
- Otis! - Bessie?
[Slow-motion yell resumes]
Thud!
- What are you morons doing here?
- Bessie, you know them?
- You know bessie?
- How do you know bessie?
- I know ryan seacrest.
- Oh, he's america's sweetheart.
- All right. All right. Everybody, zip it.
Otis, what's going on here?
- We were trying to rob weird al yankovic's house
Before you did so you wouldn't get arrested
And spend the rest of your life in jail.
[Silence]
[Laughter]
What's so funny?
- You dummy! I'm not a burglar.
I'm weird al yankovic's personal shopper.
- Personal shop--
Oh, cud, that's why you had all that stuff in your stall.
- And the blueprints to his mansion.
- I feel stupid. - That explains everything.
- Hold up. Wait up.
We saw you climbing up a building with suction cups.
- Yeah, I hate elevators.
- That makes sense. - I'm with you there, sister.
- I have to apologize for my friends, al.
Their brains are small and confused.
But I guess they had my best interests at heart.
- Bessie, doesn't your friend think it's weird
That you're a talking animal?
- Care to answer that, al?
- Yeah, no problem.
[Whinnies]
[Laughter]
- He's a horse. - He's a horse!
- That is awesome!
Hey, weird al, you should totally come
To the barnyard some time and hang out.
- The animals laughed,
Relieved that the mystery had finally been unraveled.
Outside, the moon shone brightly
Like a happy monkey with papaya in it.
- She's doing it again. - Does she always do that?
- Oh, all right!
[Clucking]
- Whoo-hoo!
- Man, partying with the hawk people
In cloud city was awesome!
- Got that right. - Sure was.
- Best adventure ever.
- I can't believe
They made weird al yankovic their supreme overlord.
- [Yelling]
I abused my power and learned nothing.
[Laughter]
- You dum--ah, never mind.
[Happy polka music]
♪
- Hey, folks, get out your brains.
It's time to play...
[Cheering]
- Man, this show has everything:
Humiliation, greed, fabulous prizes,
The word "ding-dong."
I love it!
- Not as much as freddy does.
- Zucchini! The magna carta!
Mudskippers!
- Freddy, they haven't even asked any questions yet.
- Danish, beaver, cheese!
All: quiet!
- Sorry. You know how much I love trivia.
- Okay, finalists, put on your thinking pants.
What is the chemical symbol for bacon?
- Margaret thatcher! Pilates!
The san diego chicken!
[All complaining]
Guys, phrase your angry shouts in the form of a question.
- Why are you so stupid?
[All groan]
- Ah, man, now we'll never get to see
Who wins million-dollar ding-dong.
- Don't worry; I'll fix it.
Freddy, go up on the roof and wiggle the antenna around.
- I'm on it.
Careful.
Watch it.
Easy.
Made it.
[Electricity crackling]
[Screams]
- Freddy fell off the roof!
[Music playing]hey, the show's back.
- Freddy, I'm so sorry.
Are you hurt?
- [With british accent] well, the distance from the roof
Equaled the velocity of the rate of descent times pi,
So, yes, I'm in a lot of pain.
- Hey, he's talking like a fancy boy.
- Yeah, his words are huge.
- It's odd, really.
The chances of a lightning strike
Were , to ,
With an error margin of plus or minus ..
- Who are you, and what have you done with freddy?
- Wait a minute.
Freddy, what's the capital of outer mongolia?
- Ulan bator, of course.
- [Gasps] he's right.
- What's the square root of ,?
- , Duh.
- He's right again.
- Quick, solve this incredibly complicated--
Okay, then.
- Otis, what's going on?
- Isn't it obvious?
Freddy's getting hit by lightning made us all dumb.
- Or made him a genius.
- I don't follow.
- Hmm, frankly, I'm skeptical,
From the latin skeptos, meaning "doubtful."
- He is smart.
- I'm frightened.
- He's a witch! Hoo.
- No, guys, he's not a witch.
This is a good thing.
With freddy's new smarts,
He can go on trivia cash a-ding-dong
And win the million-dollar ding-dong!
[All cheering]
- Wait, guys.
Why do we need a million dollars?
We have everything we want.
- I didn't think of that. - Good point.
- Wait, this is my chance
To finally do something for you guys.
I can win us a nest egg for our old age
Or solar panels to make the barn more fuel-efficient.
[Bird screeches]
[Resignedly] we could also buy a hot tub.
[All cheering]
- Now you're talking.
- The witch is right. - Hello!
- Get out your brains.
It's time to play...
All: trivia cash a-ding-dong!
[Cheering]
- Otis, do you really think freddy has a chance
To win the million?
- With his new lightning-induced thing-knowing ability?
I don't know.
- Let's meet today's contestants.
He's a paralegal and part-time hand model.
Say hi to freddy not-a-ferret.
- Let's hope my perspicacity matches my grandiloquence.
- Hey, those words are huge.
Next up, a manicurist who lives with cats.
Let's meet phyllis terwilliger.
- Hi, whiskers.
[Cat wailing]
- And, finally, a legendary behemoth and model train lover.
Say hello to bigfoot.
- [Roars]
- This'll be tough.
Bigfoot really knows his state capitals.
- Hey, let's play some ding-dong.
[Crowd cheering]
In what year did vasco de gama--
Ding!- .
- Hey, he's right.
[Cheering]
Next question.
What country imports--
Ding!- Argentina.
- Right again.
[Cheering]
What film--- miracle at fleetle creek.
- Who-- - beethoven.
- What-- - athlete's foot.
- Where-- - the renaissance.
[Bigfoot roars and cat screeches]
- Hey, you're starting to freak me out.
We got a live one, folks.
[Cheers and applause]
Okay, contestants.
It's time for the ding-dong wordy-word challenge.
[Cheers and applause]
- If freddy wins this round,
He moves on to million-dollar ding-dong.
- Go, fancy boy, go!
- You have seconds to solve this puzzle
Using these letters.
And...puzzle!
Ding!
- The answer is--[cell phone rings]
Oh, excuse me one sec.
Hello.
Why, yes, I would like to change my long-distance service.
- Sweet cud! Those guys always call at the wrong time.
- The puzzle, freddy. Solve the puzzle.
- Anybody else?ding!
- Is it bundt cake?
- Wow, that's a terrible guess.
Ding![Roaring]
- Ooh, so close. But wrong.
Three seconds.
[Suspenseful music]
- Well, you have a nice day too. Ta.
I'd like to solve the puzzle.
New york mets' base-stealing sensation mookie wilson.
- You're going to million-dollar ding-dong!
[Cheers and applause]
Oh, we're out of time, but join us tomorrow,
When freddy not-a-ferret plays for one million smackamoles.
[Cheers and applause]
Crowd: freddy! Freddy! Freddy! Freddy!
- To freddy, the smartest guy we know.
[All cheer]
- [Whistles]
- Thanks ever so.
It's just nice to finally be able
To do something for you guys.
Hey, I should use my big brain to fix the tv.
- This is great.
It's like having a whole new freddy.
- Yeah, his brain is huge.
- Well, I'm done.
- Freddy, what did you use to fix that thing?
- Mud, loose planks.
But the secret ingredient was polenta.
- Freddy, only a moron would fix a tv with polenta.
- Oh, you're right.
I should have used tapioca.
- This looks bad.
- Oh, no, he's dumb again.
- What? No, I'm not.
Two plus two is fish.
German is an attractive language.
[Gasps] oh, no, I am stupid!
- Ooh, that's not good.
- Otis, you have to fix me.
I need to get zapped again.
- Freddy, no, it's too dangerous.
- I don't care.
I refuse to let you guys down.
- Freddy, we don't care if you win or not.
You're our friend.
- A friend who hasn't won the million-dollar ding-dong.
- You know, there is one thing we could try.
[Electricity crackling]
Electric zapping thing charged and ready!
- Freddy, are you sure about this?
- I know what I'm doing.
Shock me, otis.
A dodecahedron has sides.
Australopithecus was the first hominid.
Huzzah, I'm smart again!
- Yeah, but for how long?
- Don't worry, otis.
I will win that million, or my name in anagram form
Isn't yefddet norrafret.
Remember, otis, if I get dumb again,
Just shock me.
The wires are cunningly hidden under this top hat.
- I don't know, freddy.
I'm having second thoughts about this.
- [Laughs] oh, you probably won't even have to.
I'm smarter than ever.
Alpha centauri is . Light-years from earth.
- That's our fancy boy.
- Okay, let's bring out yesterday's big winner,
Freddy not-a-ferret.
[Cheers and applause]
All right, how you been, little guy?
Are you ready to play million-dollar ding-dong?
- I sure am, hilly.
- Well, all righty.
Let's play some ding-dong!
Okay, let's start off with an easy one.
Who is the author of shakespeare's sonnets?
- Phil palashewski.
No, wait. Denise doddlemeier?
Uh, uh...
- He's dumb again. Shock him, otis.
- Sorry, freddy.
- Oh, did I say phil plachevski?
I meant william shakespeare, the bard of avon,
To .
- Correct!
[Cheers and applause]
- Phew!
- Next question.
How many pickles are in a -ounce pickle jar?
- It's, oh, uh...
Could you repeat the question?
- It's wearing off faster and faster.
- I'll boost the power.
Now zap him!
- Okay, but this is the last time.
- Pickles-- if they're gherkins.
Hey, bingo!
[Cheers and applause]
You're one answer away from a million dollars.
For all the potatoes, who won last year's award
For best actress in a circus movie?
- Uh, the answer's on the tip of my tongue.
Uh, it'll zap me in a moment.
I said it'll zap me!
- He needs one more jolt.
I'll boost the power.
- Otis, it says never go that high!
We could fry freddy's brain permanently.
- Permanently? That's almost forever.
I won't risk it.
- Uh, hilly, I'd like to phone a friend.
- Well, that is a different show,
But I don't see why not.
- All right. Let me just get my lucky phone.
Otis, you have to zap me.
- I can't freddy; it's too dangerous.
Let's just go home.
- No, I won't let you guys down.
I need more power.
- Freddy, no!
[Gentle harp music]
- What's happening?
Did I win?
- Not yet, freddy.
- [Gasps] alan einstein?
- It's albert, actually, but that's not important now.
I am here to tell you
That your friends don't care if you're smart.
They love you just the way you are.
- They do?
- Of course.
Oh, and, fyi, the answer to the question
Is cameron diaz.
- Thanks, einstein.
Bye!
- Hey, little guy.
Are you all right?
This usually works,
When you smack somebody in the face a bit.
- The answer is cameron diaz.
- Is that your final ding-dong?
- Yes, it is.
- Well...
That's wrong! You lose!
Crowd: aw!
- Aw! - Boo!
- Curse you, alan einstein!
You know nothing of popular culture!
- See, freddy, this isn't so bad.
We can still play the home version
Of trivia cash a-ding-dong.
- Your turn, freddy.
Name the capital of bulgaria.
- Uh, morgan freeman?
[Laughter]
- He thinks a person is a place.
- Good to have him back.
- Good to have him back, isn't it, really?
[Children laughing]