03x07 - Fortune Cookie/Dear John

[bunniefuu]

(Buzzing )

(Rattling )

♪ Rocko's modern life ♪

Rocko's modern life.

♪ Rocko's modern life ♪

Rocko's modern life.

(Whistling and buzzing )

(Splat! )

(Screaming )

♪ Rocko's modern life. ♪

Rocko's modern life.



That was a hoot!

(Tapping )

"The birds of happiness will, uh...

Sing songs of goodwill on your doorstep."

(Bell ringing )

(Squeaking )

(Humming )

"You have a natural consideration for others."

(Bell ringing )

(Squeaking )

(Humming )

Oh, "your ambition and hard work will pay off soon."

(Bell ringing )

(Squeaking )

(Humming )

"Bad luck and extreme misfortune

Will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity."

(Bell ringing )

(Squeaking )

"The future holds great success for you and yours."

(Bell ringing )

(Rooster crowing )

It's : a.m.

And we're about to meet our next mega-spin contestant

A mr. Filburt turtle.

Let's just knock

And see if our lucky sweepstakes winner

Is home.

What do you want?

I'm real busy right now.

(Laughing ): I bet you are.

Say hello to the nation, filburt turtle.

You're the next mr. Lucky.

You've been selected as this week's contestant

On the mega-spin show.

Ooh!

I'm on the mega-spin.

I'm mr. Lucky.

Whoo! My ship has come in.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Ooh! I'm on the mega-spin.

I'm mr. Lucky.

Filburt: there you go.

Wow, thanks, filburt.

You're so lucky to be mr. Lucky.

Gee, filburt, you're a regular celebrity.

You're going to be on national t.v.

So, what do you get if you win?

A brand-new house.

Isn't that great?

Fortune cookies.

"You are generous and forthright in your affairs."

"Indulge your fantasies.

Love and romance await."

Rocko: what's yours say, fil?

(To himself ): "bad luck and misfortune

Will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity."

Come on, fil, what's it say?

(Gulping ): oh, nothing.

What do you mean?

It has to say something.

No, it doesn't.

Let me see.

It doesn't say anything.

Does too. Does not.

Does not. Does too.

Hey, let go.

Ow!

Why are you trying to make a federal case...

Give me your cookie!

It's mine.

Give me!

Oof.

What's it say?

It says bad luck and misfortune

Will infest my pathetic soul for all eternity.

There.

You happy?

Come on, it's only a stupid fortune cookie.

You can't take these things seriously.

(Thunder rolling )

It is only a stupid fortune cookie.

I should listen to rocko more often.

I'm mr. Lucky.

(Meowing )

(Meowing )

(Meowing )

(All meowing )

(Glass breaking and crashing )

Man: look at my mirrors!

Oy, you get out of here!

You're cursed, you're bad luck, mister.

(Meowing )

Bad luck?

I'm not bad luck.

I'm mr. Lucky.

I'm the luckiest guy in the world.

(Sirens wailing )

(Shrieking )

(Meowing )

All right, just take it easy, fellow.

There's no talking me out of it, big man.

I'm going to drop the big one.

Just calm down and think about what you're doing here.

Think about what?

I'm a pigeon, for corn's sake.

I got nothing else to live for.

Just gaze into my nipples of the future

And you'll see that you're wrong.

(Groaning )

(Shrieking )

Streisand tickets?

Front row?!

♪ Laundry ♪

♪ A big pile of dirty tube socks ♪

♪ Day-glo painted velvet undergarments... ♪

♪ ...are all I have to wear ♪

♪ Apartment ♪

♪ Closet full of filthy clothes ♪

♪ We wouldn't come to the laundromat ♪

♪ Don't forget to clean the lint trap ♪

♪ Laundry! ♪

♪ Ow! ♪

Hi, big man.

♪ Well, hello, filburt. ♪

Hmm, that's peculiar.

Hey, hey, hey!

Ow! Wh-where'd it go?

It's a trick.

Now you'll pay.

(Groaning )

My nipples have been overpowered

By some unlucky force.

Everything was going fine

Until that turtle showed up.

I'd say the turtle's bad luck.

Look out!

(Mumbling )

I'm not bad luck.

I'm mr. Lucky.

Ow! Ooh, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off!

Man: run for your lives.

The nipples are out of control.

My bigness!

(Shrieking ): get them off!

Get 'em off of me!

I'm suffering from nipple blindness.

(Screaming )

(Groaning )

I am mr. Lucky.

Iam mr. Lucky.

(Loud knocking )

Well, hello there, mr. Lucky.

(All meowing )

You, uh...

Want to come in?

Thanks.

Hey, hey.

Get, go on.

Get, shoo, shoo.

Rocko, you got to help me.

I...

You know that fortune cookie?

Well...

Well, after that

I've been walking around

And these black cats start following me

And, ugh... Then I'm in this store

And these mirrors break

And there's this fire

And everyone's screaming.

And then big man's nipples go crazy

And the pigeon--

And the pigeon says, "hey, it's a trick."

And everyone screams

"It's the turtle, it's the turtle."

I think I'm bad luck, rocko.

We're going to do it right this time.

Go ahead, rocko.

Pick.

Uh, gee, I don't know, fil.

Just open a cookie.

"You are an optimist at heart and in practice."

Heff?

"Enjoy the lighter things in life.

Deeper joys will follow."

And mine says...

"Bad luck and extreme misfortune

"Will infest your pathetic soul

For all eternity."

They all say the same thing.

No matter what I do

The fortune is always the same.

I'll never win mega-spin.

(Mouse squeaking )

(Sniffing )

(Bell ringing )

Hey!

I know what we can do!

(People chanting ): mega-spin, mega-spin, mega-spin...

Heffer: rocko...

It's time for mega-spin.

Crowd: mega-spin...

Mega-spin, mega-spin...

Announcer: and now, your mega-spin host with the most

Chuck roast.

Thanks, johnny.

You've seen him on the news and in the papers...

This week's mr. Lucky, filburt turtle.

(Booing )

Man: he's nuts.

Filburt turtle has uniquely touched

Each and every one of our lives, hasn't he?

Uh-huh.

Splendiferous idea, heff.

I think the charms are actually working.

Roast: you know the rules.

All filburt has to do is spin the wheel.

If it lands on "win"

He'll be the proud owner of this new trailer home.

Holy fish sticks.

Oh, please, oh, please.

Oh, please.

More importantly

Does filburt deserve the revered title of mr. Lucky?

Or is he a festering pile of bad luck poo-poo?

(Laughing )

It's time now, filburt, for you tospin that wheel!

Well, here goes.

(Gasping )

(Screaming )

♪ Rocko's modern life... ♪

No!

Oh!

No, no, no, no, no!

(Brakes squealing )

(Shrieking )

(Shrieking )

(Crowd shrieking )

Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please.

Oh, please, oh, please.

Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please...

(Bell ringing )

I won!

(Laughing )

I'm mr. Lucky.

(Laughing hysterically )

Gee, heff

Everyone's r.s.v.p.'D to my house party.

It's going to be huge.

Boy, you bet.

I'm making a big pot of nana sheila's

Potatoal dente.

Ooh.

What's that?

(expl*si*n )

Wow!

Cobblers!

Hello, I'm from the government.

Ooh, you're in trouble now, rock.

First thing: this is not what you think it is.

It looks like a satellite.

It's a weather balloon.

Both: got it.

Remember

We're here to help.

Oh. So then you'll help me

Get my kitchen rebuilt?

No. Men, we're out of here.

(Crane whirring )

Oh, what am I going to do about my party?

The kitchen's a wreck

And I've got a huge hole in my roof.

Kitchens look nice with skylights.

Maybe the landlord can fix it.

I don't think so, rock.

According to your renter's agreement

It says here in paragraph :

"The renter shall be responsible for all objects

Natural or manmade, that may plummet from the sky."

You better call a state-licensed contractor, quick.

(Doorbell chimes )

Hi, I'm furb, state-licensed contractor.

I need my kitchen fixed by this friday.

That's two days from now.

Let's have a look.

Well, what do you think?

(Chuckles )

(Laughs )

(Laughing hysterically )

(Continues laughing )

Whoa, that's not a good sign.

It's going to cost a fortune

For a contractor to fix my kitchen.

You know, rock, there's a guy on tv

Who answers all sorts of home repair questions.

Hey, there, do-it-yourselfers

Welcome to my show, eh.

This is your old pal bob bucky taylor

The man who put the "do" in do-it-yourself

And the "hand" in handyman.

Today on I can probably fix that!

We'll talk about screwdrivers, like this one, eh.

I prefer the clear plastic handles myself

'Cause when you look through 'em

Everything turns kind of yellow.

(Laughing )

Using a screwdriver

And several other tools

Me and my crew built this -room palatial mansion.

And you can, too, if you stay tuned with us

For the next half hour on I can probably fix that!

We'll be back after this word, eh.

(Laughing )

Announcer: come on down to the convention center

For the rd annual home repair and remodeling show.

Talk hammer with experts.

See the latest in lawn elves.

Get a foot massage from an aluminum siding salesman.

Meet your favorite home repair man, bob bucky taylor

Star ofi can probably fix that!

And while you're here

Match wits with other do-it-yourselfers

And try and win a new kitchen, fully installed

As you playwin a kitchen

Hosted by me, bob twitchen.

So come on down, it's house-o-rific.

That's the answer.

Let's gowin a new kitchen.

Wow!

Look at all the displays.

Ladies and gentlemen, how many times

Have you had to endure the pain and drudgery

Of replacing a burnt light bulb?

Well, your troubles are over.

Presenting the bulb-o-matic.

Just place the bulb-o-matic over the offending socket

Give it a quick twist.

No mess, no fuss, and in a matter of moments...

In a matter of...

(Screaming, machine humming )

Ooh, what's that?

Do you want a beautiful lawn

But you don't have time to let it grow?

Inflate-a-lawn.

Whoa!

(Clunking )

Crowd: ooh.

(Escaping air whistling )

(Crashing )

Heffer: hot tubs!

Wow, wouldn't it be great

To have one of those in your yard?

(Sniffing )

Something smells tasty.

I've got a hankering for chicken soup

All of a sudden.

Oh, here's where you can win a kitchen, rock.

(Crowd applauding )

I'd like to sign up to win a kitchen.

You've come to the right place.

If you need a kitchen

Test your skills with me, bob twitchen.

Welcome back towin a kitchen.

We've got a three-way tie between contestant #, rocko...

Hi, bob.

Contestant #, nutsy mcnuttly.

(Rattles )

And contestant #

Our returning champion, a big can of baked beans.

(Farts )

Our final question for the grand prize

Is from the category "kitchens of the stars."

And the question is:

"How big is really, really big man's kitchen?"

(Buzzer )

Nutsy?

Not very big at all, bob?

Judges?

(Buzzer )

No, sorry-- they can be sticklers.

Anyone else?

(Buzzer )

Okay, rocko, now, before you answer

Remember this is for the game.

Again, the question is

"How big is really, really big man's kitchen?"

(Clears throat )

Uh, really, really?

That's right!

We also would have accepted "humongous."

So do I win a kitchen?

Well, not all at once, but you're well on your way.

Johnny, tell him what he's won.

Johnny: it's a spoon!

And not just any spoon.

This spoon is steel, stainless steel.

It's over six inches long

And features a sleekly designed handle

Attached to a wider convex portion

Ideal for the scooping of food.

Spoon from fliegel, the people who brought you fork.

I'd have to win every day

For the rest of the summer

To get the whole kitchen.

That's a real nice spoon, though.

Now what am I going to do?

Look, rocko, there's bucky taylor's booth

That guy on tv!

Why don't you buy one of his kits

And do it yourself? I'll help.

See, look, here's kitchen and bathrooms right here.

Comes with everything you need, eh.

I'm not sure about our abilities.

Says right here, "anyone can do it."

That's right, huge fella

And we include a toll-free helpline.

The kit comes with a special book of things to yell

While building your kitchen.

For instance, "if a wrench slips off a pipe

And lands on your big toe you can say:"

(Foghorn )

(Boing )

(Whistle blows )

(Car horn )

(Buzzer )

Let me see that.

(Mumbling )

Well, what do you know?

Well, okay, let's give it a try.

Wow, this kit really does have everything you need.

Let's get started.

Heff: "remove housing plate screw..."

(Glass shatters )

Rocko: ow, right in the noggin.

Okay, watch out, I'm hammering...

(Screams ): ouch!

...one quarter turn clockwise.

Darn it, darn it!

Ouch.

Ouch.

Hand me the hammer.

(Crashing ) ow!

Sorry.

No, the hammer.

Darn it, ouch!

(Glass and metal shattering )

I think we're finished.

It looks just like the picture in the book.

Mmm.

Hey, rock, where does the refrigerator go?

Uh-oh, something's wrong. Let me see that.

This is the chapter on bathrooms.

We turned my kitchen into a bathroom!

You know, rock, you got a point.

It looks like a bathroom.

Where's that help number?

All the chapters in this book are bathrooms.

This bucky guy is going to fix this mess.

Bucky: now, don't you worry there, young fella

I brought along my camera crew

And we'll fix your house up real nice.

Terrific.

So you'll be doing the work yourself?

(Laughs )

Oh, gosh, no, eh.

I don't know a hammer from a hemorrhoid.

My assistant al here

Does all the work.

Hi, guys.

Bucky: I'm a visionary

Not really a hands-on guy

And I look great in a plaid work shirt.

You just roll along for the rest of the day

And when you return, all your problems will be solved.

Okay, boys and girls, it's show time.

Let's go get some burgers.

Okay, where's my smacky hitty poundy thing there?

Rocko: well, I hope it's all done.

We've only got a few hours till the party.

We fixed the problem and took the liberty

To do some additional remodeling

For the show there.

My living room!

It's a bathroom!

(Rocko running )

My closet is a bathroom!

(Running )

My basement is a bathroom!

(Running )

My ballroom is a bathroom!

(Running )

Even my bathroom is a bathroom!

Well, I guess that's okay.

(Yelling ): there's too many bathrooms!

Too many bathrooms?

What, are you nuts?

You can never have too many bathrooms.

(Screaming ): get out of my house, you wacko!

Well, you can't please all the people

All the time there.

Wow, what are we going to do about the party?

We're not sunk yet.

Heff, call pizzaface and order a pizza.

I have a plan.

(Doorbell chimes )

Oh, hello, welcome to the party.

There's pizza on the sink

And sodas in the tub.

Grab a soap, and join the fun.

Bathrobe, tub, soap?

It's a theme party in celebration of the bathroom.

Kind of like a latrine luau.

They're all the rage.

Abano bash.

(Rock and roll music playing )

A johnny jamboree.

Phew!

(Rock and roll music playing )

Great party, rocko.

Thanks, filburt.

I got to use the little turtles' room

But there's people dancing in all of them.

Have you tried the garage?

Oh, boy.

So act now and you can receive all of my series

Of do-it-yourself kits:

Bedrooms and bathrooms.

Closets and bathrooms.

Dens and bathrooms.

Hallways and bathrooms.

Rumpus rooms and bathrooms.

Bathroom...

And bathrooms.

(Laughing )

Hooter, this place could use a bathroom.