03x11 - An Elk for Heffer/Scrubbin' Down Under

[bunniefuu]

(Buzzing )

(Rattling )

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

(Whistling and buzzing )

(Splat! )

(Screaming )

♪ Rocko's modern life.

Rocko's modern life.



That was a hoot!

(Big band music playing )

(Wolves howling )

(Coughing )

Good evening, wolf pack members...

(All howling )

Welcome to the annual gathering of the pack elders...

(Growling )

First, is there any old business?

Yes, brother big bad.

Thank you, brother alpha.

With the profits from our last bake sale

We will be buying sheepskin seat covers

For the next meeting.

(All howling )

Well done.

So, if there's no more old business...

On to new business.

George and virginia, about your son heffer--

It has come to my attention

That he is long overdue for his rites of passage.

Is this so?

Has he brought home an elk yet?

Well, you see, heffer's a good boy

But he's a little, um, predatorially challenged.

I see here heffer is actually a... Cow?

He's a steer!

Well, that as it may be

But it doesn't excuse him from his pack responsibilities.

Tradition is an important part of...

All right, already.

We'll take care of it.

Just see that you do.

Now, I see

The refreshments are here.

This meeting will recess till after dinner.

How humiliating.

Now, george, don't worry.

We'll talk to him.

He'll understand.

(Munching )

Virginia: oh, heffer.

Can we have a word with you, dear?

(Gulps ) sure, mom.

What's up?

Your father wants to talk to you.

Sit down, son.

Son, there, uh, comes a time

In every boy's life when...

Oh, dad, is this about the birds and the bees?

No!

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

'Cause if it is, i...

It's not about that.

It's about passing from boyhood to manhood.

Oh, so thisis about the...

Virginia!

What?

Dear, what your father is trying to say

Is that you have certain tasks to perform

Before the pack considers you an adult.

You have to bring an elk home for dinner.

That's it?

Well... Yeah.

We know this is a big adjustment.

Is peter going to have to provehis manhood?

(Sarcastically ): yeah, that's going to happen.

I'm late for class.

What class?

Here we go, judge, judge, judge.

Hmm.

Now, where can I find an elk?

(Dialing )

Hello, rocko.

Hi, heff, what's up?

Do you know where I can find an elk?

Hmm...

How about the elk's club?

Ooh, good thinking.

Thanks, rock.

Any time.

(Big band music playing )

(Grunts )

Where do you think you're going?

Mmm, inside?

Don't think so.

Why?

I'll make this simple.

You are a cow.

Steer.

Whatever.

This is an elk's club.

By definition, a club for elks.

Ooh... Yeah.

What you want is a club for cows.

Steers.

Whatever.

Yeah, but...

No buts.

Do not force me to use physical persuasion.

Okay, but, you see...

That's it.

(Excitedly ): ooh...

Wedgie.

(Yelling )

(Crashing )

I'm an elk.

I have antlers.

You want a prize?

(Big band music playing )

Well, it's mingling time.

Hey, would you like to meet my parents?

Would you like to have dinner with me?

We'll go back to my house, you know

Watch some tv, or eat some dinner.

How about you? Are you hungry?

(Gasps )

(Bell rings )

(Sizzling )

(Ducks quacking )

(Bell rings )

(Buzzer )

Look stupid.

Stumble over.

Hi.

Hi.

My name is elkie.

What's yours?

Forget name.

My name is tom... No, wait!

That's not right... Jeff...

Dan... Joe... Bartholomew...

Try to impress her.

You're cute.

(Gasping )

Really?

(Pounding )

♪ She's the elk of my dreams

♪ And though we just met it seems ♪

♪ That she and I have a date ♪

♪ With destiny!

♪ She's the elk of my dreams

♪ Sent to me on moonbeams

♪ I'm busting out at the seams

♪ I can't control all my screams ♪

♪ I'd eat a million ice creams

♪ And take out three football teams ♪

♪ For the elk, the elk of my dreams. ♪

That was lovely.

You liked it?

Yes, it was really sweet.

I would have made it longer

But I couldn't think of anything else that rhymed with "dreams."

Hey, you want to go for a soda?

♪ Time is like a story

♪ You've not met before

♪ New beginnings, fresh in every way ♪

♪ Now is the time to take a chance ♪

♪ Give it your all once more

♪ Go for a bull's-eye, double top ♪

♪ Hit it center stage

♪ Time will bring a change

♪ Seasons long awaited for

♪ Look up the bright, look up the cool ♪

♪ Look out, it's gonna go away... ♪

(Crashing )

Elkie?

Yes, heff.

If, um, you're not busy this sunday

Would you like to, um...

Come to dinner at my parents' house?

I'd love to.

Great!

I know my family's

Just going to love you.

George: virginia

Where is that boy?

Patience, dear.

(Car crashes )

Ooh, that sounds like him.

It's about time, I'm starving!

Mom, dad, we're here.

George: okay, son

Drag her in.

I can't wait to...

Huh?

Hold on, boys, I'll help you...

Ooh.

Mom, dad, I want you to meet elkie.

Elkie, this is my family, george and virginia.

And this is my brother peter.

All right, dinner's arrived.

What does he mean by that?

Hmm, I guess we ordered out.

Oh, and this is my sister cindy.

Hello, cindy.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Heffer: oh, I forgot.

Cindy took a vow of silence.

(Whispers ): your family are wolves?

Oh, I was adopted.

I didn't realize.

So, would you like to see

Some embarrassing pictures of me as a child?

Sure.

Virginia, she's still alive.

Now, dear, just be glad he got her here at all.

Well,i think he's getting a littletoo friendly

With the main course!

Well... (Chuckles )

Heffer's always been very fond of food.

Why can't I have any normal offspring?

The fruit never falls far from the tree, dad.

(Laughing )

(Growls )

Hey, heff

What's with the antlers?

Oh, I forgot I had these on.

(Elkie gasps )

You're not an elk?!

Oh, heck, no. I wore these

To get into the elk's club.

I'm dating a cow?

Well, steer.

I'm dating a steer?

You two are dating?

Not anymore!

What? He's not good enough for you?

Whoa, heffer's dating our dinner.

Dinner?!

So what if he's not an elk?

He's not a wolf either, but we love him anyway.

Dinner?

If I'm going to get dinner on the table

I'll have to get elkie in the oven soon.

George: not now, virginia!

Oh, okey-dokey.

In the oven?!

I'm not getting in any oven.

That's fine with me; raw or cooked, I'm not picky.

(Farts )

Oh, no, we have got to cook her.

Mother made a special marinade for the occasion.

Wait a minute.

Are you talking about cooking elkie

And serving her for dinner?!

Well, duh.

Oh... Well, I won't have it.

(Gasping )

Well, I'm eating somebody, I'm starved.

Now, son, this is a wolf family tradition

That has been honored for generations.

You don't want to disappoint me, your mother

And the pack elders, do you?

Well...

Uh, I'm late for an emergency hair appointment.

No, wait, elkie.

I don't care about tradition.

Nobody's eating my date!

Huffy.

I'm really sorry my family tried to eat you.

I had no idea.

Oh, that's okay.

I know how families can be.

Yeah.

Look, elkie

I'm sorry I'm not the elk you thought I was

But if you ever want to pursue a relationship

With a domesticated farm animal, you know where to find me.

Well, heffer, in another place, another time, maybe...

No, you'd still be a cow.

Steer.

Whatever.

Listen, we had a great time together

While it lasted.

I'll never forget you.

Bye, elkie.

(Whimpering )

Look, dad, I'm sorry I disappointed you.

Well, it's, it's... It's okay, heffer, uh...

It was actually pretty... Pretty gutsy of you

To stand up for your beliefs.

Really?

Yeah, i, I guess so.

Well, that's what your mom says.

Oh, oh, and, um...

Apparently, we still love you.

Thanks, dad.

Oh, isn't that touching?

Oh, I'm going to puke.

(Farts ) I'm still hungry!

So what are we going to do about my manhood?

Yeah, well, we'll think of something.

George: and so it is with great pride

That I place this hat on my son's head

And I declare him an adult.

So your son finally caught himself an elk, eh?

Yes, yes, he did.

And the whole family had elk meat for dinner.

Well, soy-based

Elk substitute.

Shh!

(All howling )

Moo!

(Rumba playing )

(Coughing )

(Sneezing )

Hey, you got another copy of this?

What's wrong with this one?

It's got snot all over it.

(Snorting )

There you go, mate, nice and dry.

Mr. Smitty: rocko!

Get in here!

(Shoes squeaking )

Yes, mr. Smitty?

Here, this is for you.

You're... You're f*ring me again?

What? Fired?

No, not this time.

It's about some kind of award.

Now, get out!

"We are pleased to inform you of your nomination to receive

"The comic book society 'service with a smile award'

At our annual banquet saturday night."

♪ Gonna wash these dags right out of my hair ♪

♪ Don't got a worry, don't got a care ♪

♪ Not even my laundry...

(Gargling )

(Squeaking )

(Spits )

(Humming )

(Doorbell chimes )

Hey, rock, you want to...

Excuse me, heff.

Pew!

When's the last time you took a bath?

(Sniffs )

I don't know.

Hey, cool duds.

You got a date or something?

Sort of. I'm on my way to an awards banquet.

Banquet? Whoo, I'm there.

Heffer, it's black-tie.

So it's black-tie.

Ta-da!

Black tie.

(Big band music playing )

Sure is a big crowd here tonight.

Heffer, how do I look?

I mean, is my tie on straight?

Is my hair okay?

Do I stink?

(Gulps )

(Sniffs )

What smells like fish?

Your tie.

Well, then, you're beautiful, man.

What's bothering you?

I'm a bit nervous about this award business.

What if I win? What do I do?

Take it easy, rock.

You'll be fine.

You just clutch the award like this...

Say "thank you very much" a couple of times

Mention my name, tell a little joke.

That's it, you're done.

Joke? I'm no comedian.

I just have a funny accent.

Don't worry about it, rock.

I'll give you a joke evenyou can tell.

Announcer: ladies and gentlemen, our nominees

For the "service with a smile award" are...

Cosmo walrus

Joan crawfish

Veronica blubberman

And rocko... No last name given.

(Laughing )

And the winner is...

Rocko!

I won.

I won!

(Laughing )

(Crashing )

Uh, sorry, miss.

(Laughing nervously )

Here's your award, idiot.

(Laughing nervously )

(Microphone feedback ) um, um, well, um...

Well...

Thank you.

Hello.

Thank you.

(Sparse applause )

I'd like to, um, uh...

Thank all the little people who made this possible.

Heffer: the joke! What?

Tell the joke.

Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

Uh, hmm, um...

These two walnuts walk into a pub with a duck

And, uh... And, you see...

And, um, one of the ducks, um...

Is, uh...

Is assaulted!

(Woman screams )

(Crowd laughing uproariously )

Blimey, heff, that was a great joke you told me.

It k*lled them.

It wasn't the joke.

It's that huge chunk of spinach on your teeth.

What?

(Screams )

Oh, yeah.

It looks like a big green rug in your mouth.

(Laughing )

Here, look.

(Laughing )

(Screaming )

(Spits )

(Shrieks )

(Screams )

(Wearily ): bad stuff happened everywhere today.

(Excitedly ): on the lighter side

At the comic book award banquet tonight

A small wallaby with abig dental problem.

(Laughing )

So remember, kids, brush after every meal.

This thing'll get rid of that spinach.

(Announcer continues laughing )

(Hammering, screaming )

Man (on p.a. ): Dr. Ben dovah to admitting, dr. Ben dovah to admitting.

(Monitor beeping )

(Snoring )

(Shrieking ): oh, I got spinach slime on me.

I got to get cleaned up.

Did someone say clean?

Who are you?

I'm clean gene the hygiene machine.

I can help you with your problem dirt.

And you do have a dirt problem.

Let's hose you.

(Spluttering )

Hmm...

(Sniffing )

Eww! Still stinky.

There, now I won't catch anything.

Uh, say, do you think you can help

Get my teeth clean?

Maybe.

But first I'll show you a little film about hygiene.

Lights!

Pay attention now

You unsanitary little cockroach.

Announcer: say hi! To hygiene.

Hygiene--

The principles of maintaining good health

Through proper cleanliness.

This is jimmy.

(Dog barking )

(Sniffing )

He has poor hygiene.

Let's go, boys!

She's going to blow!

(Children shouting )

Poor jimmy.

He'd have more friends if he'd bathe once in a while.

Tsk, tsk.

Bad jimmy.

Poor jimmy.

A little oral hygiene could have saved those teeth.

With good hygiene

You'll not only have more friends

And be less offensive to those around you...

(Whistling and chugging )

You could live longer.

So remember, kids, don't be a jimmy.

(Wobbly ): wash those stinky places

And say hi! To hygiene.

(Scratching )

(Crying )

Oh, that one gets me every time.

(Clears throat )

What about getting my teeth clean?

Stink blossom, you got other parts that need cleaning.

What?

Hey!

When was the last time you swabbed?

Oh, look, buried treasure.

Argh! You'll not be swabbin' this treasure.

Now we wring you out.

Hmm...

Look at this greasy mess.

And I suppose now you're going to tell me

Your teeth are clean?

I don't believe you.

Spinach tooth.

Now, this is going to hurt you a lot more

Than it's going to hurt me.

(Gulps )

Open wide.

(Whirring )

(Rocko screaming )

Ow!

Hello, rocko.

Let's have a look, shall we?

Give us a smile.

Well...

That operation was a success.

Unfortunately, this x-ray of your head

Turned up a new problem.

Your mind.

It's filthy!

We must go back in.

And clean it.

(Screaming )

You are a lucky dirty head, though.

We have a special this week on brain washes!

(Rocko screaming )

Come back, my little poo-biscuit.

Shoopy?