03x01 - Bye, Bye Birdie/Belch of Destiny

[bunniefuu]

[flies buzzing]

[rattling]

♪Rocko's modern life♪

♪ Rocko's modern life.

♪Rocko's modern life♪

♪ Rocko's modern life.

[whistling and buzzing]

[splat]

[screaming]

♪Rocko's modern life♪

♪ Rocko's modern life.

That was a hoot!

[whistling to himself]

[crows caw]

[continues whistling]

[crows caw]

Spunky?

Come here, boy.

[burps]

Come on, boy.

Get in the car.

[splat]

Sorry.

Heffer!

What are you doing up there?

I'm eating my lunch.

[car horn honks]

Hi, guys.

Hey, fellas.

Careful.

Here we go.

What's Heffer doing up there?

ROCKO: He's eating his lunch.

Neat.

[shrieks]

So, this is the little fellow, eh?

Rocko, here's a book of instructions.

I'll be in the hospital for a few days

while they run some tests.

I'm pretty certain it's something serious this time.

It's a rash.

She's in denial.

Poor thing.

Now, let me say good-bye to my bird.

Good-bye, Turdy.

Papa's got to go away for a while.

Remember who loves you the most.

[shrieks]

That's right.

Papa loves you the most.

Kiss him good-bye, Hutch.

I don't want to kiss the bird, Filburt.

Kiss the bird!

[crows cawing]

Good luck, Rocko.

Bye, Dr. Hutchinson.

Good-bye, Filburt.

[shrieks]

Hmm.

Let's see.

"Keep caged and minimize excitement."

He's boring.

No, he's a lovely bird.

Just look at what a lovely bird he...

[screaming]

Help me! Help me!

[screaming]

Hang on, Rocko!

Stupid bird.

[Turdy shrieks]

He's out!

[barking and crashing]

Get him, Spunky.

Get the bird!

No, Spunky, no!

Whoo!

Leave the bird alone!

Spunky!

Bad, bird! Bad!

Spunky, are you all right?

Nasty old bird.

[shrieks]

[crashing on TV]

Hey, Rock?

You want to move to France?

Not really, no.

Yeah, me neither.

[Rocko screams]

The bird's out!

Turdy!

[cloth tearing]

Oh, my.

[chuckles nervously]

[with deep voice]: Oh, such a naughty bird.

Turdy!

Excuse me.

[Turdy shrieks]

Turdy, what are you doing?

Turdy?!

[Rocko screams]

Oh, my gosh!

I'll get him!

Come here, you.

[straining]

Heffer, no!

Whoa!

[screams]

[rumbling]

MAN: Hey, you.

That your bird?

Yes.

Well, keep him away from my monkey!

Oh, yeah?

[clunking]

Ouch.

[crashing on TV]

[shrieks]

[doorbell rings]

I thought I told you

to keep your bird away from my monkey.

But he's in his cage right over there.

[shrieks]

Don't toy with me!

Jinky.

And don't come back!

[doorbell rings]

If it's that monkey guy...

[doorbell rings]

Is this yours?

No.

I mean yes.

Well, it seems Polly here got into a gas pump.

Oh.

He scared my kid.

He ruined my car.

He chewed my garden.

He pecked my customers.

He ate my pony.

[burps, pony neighs]

He ripped my socks.

[shrieks]

[shrieks]

[shrieks]

Look, bird, you are pushing my buttons.

You've been nothing but a nuisance.

Now, get off my nose!

Shoo!

[screams]

Turdy, you will sit still

and let me watch The Fatheads.

Do you hear me?

[screams]

[toilet flushes]

Whoo-hoo!

Whoo.

Whoo.

Whoo.

[both screaming]

Get it off me!

Get it off me!

[screaming]

ROCKO: Heffer, hold still.

[popping]

[Heffer screams]

Heffer... he's...

He's dead.

We k*lled him.

We k*lled Filburt's bird.

HEFFER: Rocko, don't even joke like that.

He's fine.

Look at him.

HEFFER: Chirp, chirp.

I'm fit as a fiddly.

I think I'll fly away.

No, maybe I'll sing a song.

No.

Maybe I'll eat bugs.

Hello, Turdy.

Itty-bitty birdie.

See?

[giggles weakly]

[air deflates]

There you go.

Oh, Heffer, what are we going to do?

Filburt was so attached to that bird.

He left it for us to care for

and we k*lled it.

How can I replace it?

I'm just going to have to tell him.

HEFFER: Rocko, come in here quick!

Whoo, now you're dirty cool.

Surf's up!

ROCKO: Heffer, the bird is dead.

This is something you're going to have to accept.

HEFFER: No!

[sobbing]

Heffer, please listen.

No, I won't believe it.

Look here in the book.

ROCKO AND HEFFER: "How to tell if your bird is dead."

Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

[flies buzzing]

Mm-hmm.

He's dead all right.

[tires screech]

It's the monkey guy!

Filburt!

Hello.

Oh, Rocko, terrible news.

Oh?

The doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me.

Fools.

[hawks, spits]

Oh, Filburt, I'm sorry.

Maybe next time.

Aah, whatever.

Now, where's my precious Turdy?

Um...

Should I sit down?

Yes.

Filburt, um... this is...

[chuckles nervously]

This is very hard for me to say.

The bird is dead, isn't it?

Eh...

Yes.

Oh, Rocko.

Now, Fil, please...

I should have said something before I left.

Turdy belonged to a species

known as Tirdius minimus,

a rare subfamily of mynah with only a three-week life-span.

I'm surprised he lived as long as he did.

Sure, he was like family, and I'm going to miss that,

but life goes on.

But, Filburt, you see...

Don't worry about it.

Did you tell him I sat on it?

FILBURT: I'm so glad we did this.

Turdy always told me he wanted to be buried at sky.

Now I think it would be a good idea

if we all said something.

Heffer?

Would you like to say something?

Um...

Beans, beans, they're good for your heart

The more you eat...

All right, that's enough.

Rocko?

Would you like to say a few words?

Um, yes.

Uh... well, let's see, um...

Yeah, uh...

[chuckles nervously]

Turdy was, um...

bird.

[wailing]

That's so beautiful.

And I hope that wherever he is, that...

Okay, my turn.

Turdy, bless you.

Even though you were with us for a brief time,

you still had plenty of time to spread happiness.

[sighs]

Let's get some tacos.

Yeah!

Whoo-hoo!

Whoa...

[screams]

[crash]

Hey, you.

Bird boy.

ALL: Yes?

Here, this is yours.

I ain't dealing with it.

ALL: All right!

HEFFER: Food!

Old silverware!

FILBURT: Hey, monkey,

you little sweetheart.

What's in the box? Money?

Oh, my goodness.

Little tiny baby...

monkey birds.

I've got a whole family.

Thank you, Turdy.

And now my first Sunday frolic with my new family.

Could you give me a push, Hutch, honey?

You got it, turtledove.

I'm nauseous.

I'm nauseous.

I'm nauseous.

I'm nauseous.

HEFFER: Hold on!

I'm headed straight for a crowded health spa!

Get out of the way!

My brakes are failing.

HEFFER: I'm popping a wheelie!

Great race last week at Teddy's house.

Too bad your car exploded in the third turn.

Yeah.

Where do you think Teddy's family is living now?

Aren't you guys a little too old

to still be in the Weasel Scouts?

It's a way of life, Rocko.

Yeah, but for years?

That's enough questions, philistine!

Just get us to the meeting on time.

[gasps]

Stop the car!

[tires screech]

Oh, thank goodness, it's the W...

[smack; woman groans]

Two, please.

HEFFER: Thank you.

[smack; woman groans]

[chanting]: One, one, one-two-three

Let's all climb the weasel tree

Three, three, three-four-five

Let's all do the weasel jive.

WEASEL TROOP: Five, five, five-six-seven

Let's all go to weasel heaven

Seven, seven, eight-nine-ten

Let's all do it over again.

La, la, la-la-la

La-la la-la la-la-la.

Here they come.

There, there-- it's okay, Teddy.

[vase crashes]Hey, everybody!

Good day, junior weasels.

[flatly]: Good day, senior weasels.

HEFFER: Hey, Teddy!

Great meeting last week at your house.

Is you mom still hospital... ized?

Okay, weasels, now that everyone's here,

let's get the meeting under way.

Our special weasel-graph today will be model rockets.

ALL: Hooray!

[click; rumbling]

ALL:Hooray!

[click; rumbling]

ALL:Hooray!

[click; loud roaring]

[all scream]

[crash]

[sirens wailing]

LEADER: Well, weasels, the meeting is adjourned.

Don't forget this Saturday afternoon,

the all-city Weasel Scout Jamboree talent show.

The scout troop with the best act gets to go to Astro Camp.

Why don't you stay home for that one, Sputnik?

LEADER: And next week we'll have our meeting at Paul's house.

I'm a failure, Filburt.

Nobody in the scouts likes me.

I can't do anything right.

Yeah.

You're probably right.

But trust me, you're senior-weasel material.

They just don't know it.

Cheer up, Hef.

Watch this.

Hey, pal-- get your buns out of my eyes!

[laughs wildly]

"Get your buns out of my eyes"!

Wait, wait!

I got one! I got one!

[clears throat]

Roses are red, violets are blue

Sugar is sweet...

[slurps]

[belching]: this belch is for you.

[laughing hysterically]

That was great.

[laughing]

You ought to do that for the Weasel Scout talent show.

Yeah? You think so?

You think I could, really?

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Yeah!

Icoulddo it!

Icando it!

I'm going to do it!

[belching]: Roses are red.

[belching continues]: This burp is for you.

You talking to me?

I said, "Are you talking to me?"

I am Burp Man; give me a merit badge.

Give me a merit badge now!

[shouts]: Heffer!

What the heck does he do in there all day?

What are still parading around in that uniform for, huh?

Ma, will you look at our son!

MA: I'm busy in the kitchen, dear.

[drill whirring]

I'm working my way up to senior Weasel Scout, Dad.

Aah, Weasel Scout, schmeasel scout.

Son, when are you going to graduate from that kid stuff

and go on to do something important?

You know, be somebody--

like, uh... like, uh...

[snoring, farting]

Like, uh...

[torch flame roaring]

Well, you know.

[elephant trumpeting]

Gee, guys, I don't know if I should do this.

Oh, come on, Hef.

They'll love it, trust me.

Love what?

You don't think it's too gross?

What's too gross?

Come on, Rocko, let's get a seat.

What are you going to do, Hef?

[elephant trumpets, piano crashes]

I hope I don't mess up.

[audience applauds mildly]

Filburt, what's so gross?

WEASEL LEADER: Thank you, William, that was very nice.

And now let's have a warm weasel welcome

for our next talent:

from Den ... Heffer Wolfe.

[all gasp and moan]

[feedback whistles sharply]

Um...

I... I...

I'm going to read a poem.

We'll never get to Astro Camp.

[slurps, then gulps]

Um...

Roses are violet...

Oh! Wait.

Violets are...

No!

[audience boos and jeers]

You stink!

Get off the stage!

Roses are red, violets are blue

Sugar is sweet...

[gulps]

[belching]: this belch is for you...

[air rushing]

[all laughing hysterically]

[laughing continues]

HEF'S DAD: "Oaktown scout belching hit."

"The kids love him"?

HEFFER: Oh, boy, Astro Camp!

Let's go.

[belching]: Left... left... left, right, left.

[belching continues]: Left... left... left, right, left.

Left... left... left, right, left.

Heffer!

ALL [chanting]: My boots are heavy, my pants are tight...

Heffer!

Yeah, Dad?

Come here a minute!

I want to talk to you.

Wait here-- I'll be back in a jiff.

Hey, Dad.

What's this belching thing about, huh?

Isn't it great?

Everyone loves it!

I'm a local celebrity.

I'm somebody, just like you wanted.

LikeIwanted?

I wanted you to be someone--

not a freak!

Why don't you just grow up and be an adult?

A freak?

You guys go ahead without me.

But we're going to Astro Camp.

I'm not going to another scout function for as long as I live.

Good-bye.

Okay, who wants to blow up the next satellite?

This is boring.

I miss Heffer.

Me, too.

Yeah.

What are we going to do?

WEASEL: Hey, what's Teddy doing?

PILOT: Hey, kid, get away from there!

Hey, don't touch that!

WEASELS: All right, Teddy!

Yeah!

[loud rumbling]

[crash]

What the...?!

Ma!

Yes, dear.

There's a... a...

There's a bunch of Weasel Scouts...

WEASELS: ♪ All we are saying

♪ Is give Hef a chance.

Go away.

Go to your homes.

I will be your freak no more.

This Heffer belching thing is getting out of hand.

Hmm.

I seem to remember a certain someone

who had a few peculiar traits of his own.

Huh?

[someone makes farting sound]

[makes farting sound]

[giggles]

Oh, of course I'll marry you.

[sniffles]

[sobbing and sniffling]

Son...

[snorts]

I... came up here to apologize.

I... I...

I overreacted.

[sniffles]

I, uh...

just wanted to say

that you're always somebody in this household,

even if you're nobody.

This belch thing's okay for now, but...

I want you to grow up to be something better than that.

You got it?

Okay, Dad.

There's one more thing.

It's, um... it's difficult for me to talk about.

Let me put it this way.

[makes farting sound]

[chuckles]

[both laughing boisterously]

Weasels!

[belching]: Give me a merit badge now!

WEASELS [cheering]: Yay! Hooray!

Huh?

Look.

WEASEL: Quick, weasels, a citizen in need!

[excitedly]: Lady, here we come!

Weasels are on the job!