02x12 - Hair Licked/Gutterball

[bunniefuu]

(Buzzing )

(Rattling )

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

(Whistling and buzzing )

(Splat! )

(Screaming )

♪ Rocko's modern life.

Rocko's modern life.

That was a hoot!

(Whistling )

Stupid old machine.

(Animals squeaking )

That ought to do it.

Am I working you too hard, rocko?

No, sir, mr. Smitty.

I was just trying to fix the copier, and, uh...

Well...

Let's just see how good a job you did, hmm?

It works, I fixed the copier!

(Sarcastically ): oh, goody.

What would I do without you, boy?

Well, mr. Smitty...

Uh, we were discussing my getting a raise?

Raise?!

Well, yeah, wewere talking about a raise

But I'm going to give you

Somethingbetter than a raise, rocko!

You see, boy, I'm going make you

Mmm...

Employee of the month.

Really?

Me?

Employee of the whole month?

Yeah, and you get your picture in the paper and everything.

My picture in the paper?

Yeah.

Now get back to work!

It'll be a cold day when he gets a raise.

Let's find a really good photo

To give the newspaper, eh, spunky?

Hmm, mmm...

Cor, these are rotten.

Oh, I can't put any of these in the paper.

(Phone rings )

Hello?

Hello, rocko?

This is filburt.

Hey, filburt.

Hi. Say, rocko, I wanted to let you know

That my career as a fashion photographer is doing so well

I'm offering friends a free portrait session tomorrow.

Would you like one, rocko?

Yeah, that'd be great, filburt.

Okay.

See you around :, then.

Good-bye.

Yeah, good-bye, filburt. Thanks.

Okay, you hang up first, rock...

Man, that was good timing.

Come on, spunky, I'd better get to bed.

I need my beauty sleep for tomorrow.

(Crickets chirping, rocko snoring )

(Rooster crowing, rocko yawning )

Morning, spunky.

(Barks )

(Shrill chord )

(Rocko screaming )

(Knocking )

Hey, rock, I'm out of pasture puffies, you got any?

(Shrieking )

Having a bad hair day, huh?

I wouldn't go outside looking like that.

Come on in, heff.

What happened to your head? Is it infected or something?

Cause I shouldn't be here

If you're contagious or anything...

No, you're safe.

I just slept on it wrong.

Whew.

Of all the days...

Me, employee of the month.

How can I get my picture taken looking like this?

Have no fear.

You happen to be in the presence of a master barber.

I've cut my own hair since I was a pup.

Just relax.

I don't know, heff, are you sure?

Trust me.

A little snip, and you'll be picture perfect.

(Snipping )

(Clipping )

(Sawing )

(Scraping )

Ouch, easy on the scalp, heff.

Sorry.

Finished.

Hmm...

Well, heff, how's it look?

Paper or plastic?

Sorry again, rock.

I should've realized that this was a job

Better left for the professionals.

But don't you worry, I know just the two.

I look at myself as an artist.

The head is my canvas

And the scissors and clippers are my brush.

And I just...

One haircut, please.

Excuse me, but we don't givehaircuts...

We do...

Coiffeurs.

Well, we need one of those in a hurry.

Do we have a reservation?

Very busy.

Very.

Well, it's not for me.

It's for my friend here.

Tsk, tsk.

Yah, tsk.

And another tsk.

You did a very brave thing.

Go quickly, there is not much time.

Step lively, bag boy.

I must see what we have to work with.

Careful, now.

(Both gasping )

Divert your eyes, my brother.

No, I must see the hideous creature.

Disgusting.

Filthy.

(Rocko gurgling )

Ready? Ready?

Scrubbing... Scrubbing...

Rinse! Rinse!

This way, please.

Soon, you will be one of the beautiful people.

(Coughing )

But not yet.

Oh, you are the funny one.

(Laughs )

Enough with the joking, time to give you style.

You are so lucky!

(Stylists babbling )

Ta-da!

No, no, more like, eh...

Yah, like that, with the nice drum.

Too square.

...some geometric figure that...

No, too gidget.

Too gidget, look likethat girl.

(Stylists babbling )

This is truly art.

Yes, we are very good.

You may now walksans bag, kangaroo-type person.

Heff, heff, how's it look?

Ooh...

You guys are geniuses.

Thank you.

Here, rock, check it out.

Wow!

Is it really me?

Dip it in, wash your hands.

You dip it in, wash your hands.

Dip it in, wash your hands.

Okay, ladies, that's all for today.

We got some very nice sh*ts.

I'm surevague magazine will love them.

(Laughing wickedly )

Bye.

Rocko: oh, oh, excuse me.

Heh-heh, sorry.

Filburt?

Oh, hi, rocko.

Just setting up for you.

Who were they?

Oh, just some fashion models.

(Tearfully ): I spilled my puffies.

Filburt: have a seat, rocko.

Let's try the classic windswept look first.

Okay, okay, work with me, rocko, give it to me, baby.

Nice.

Ooh, ooh, that's good.

You got it, sweetheart, you got it.

Yes!

Very nice!

Okay now. Oh, oh, darn.

Sorry, rocko, we got to start over.

I forgot to reload the camera.

You didn't get any sh*ts?

Well, no, but this will just take a second.

Quit worrying, man.

You're gonna get a great photo out of this.

Okay, rocko, here we go.

Oops.

Smile.

(Screams )

Rocko: come on, stay down.

Stay down.

Stupid hair!

There, now stay.

(Screams )

Don't make me have to use this.

(Door chime )

Hi, rock. Sorry again for what happened at filburt's.

Oh, it's okay. You couldn't help it.

If there's anything I can do to make it up to you...

Uh-oh.

No, let go.

I'm not a piece of paper.

What are you doing?

Stop it now!

What was that for?

Rocko, check this out.

Wow!

My hair looks great.

Thanks, buddy.

This one's going in the newspaper.

Well, heff, today's the big day.

I'm a bit nervous.

What are you nervous about?

Your hair's gonna look great in the paper.

Oh, boy, here it is.

Wow!

Let me see, let me see.

Wow, you're on the front page.

You're famous, man.

You hair is perfect!

Well, I owe it all to you, pal.

I bet everybody in o-town's

Looking at your hair right now.

Rocko: wow.

Ed bighead: oh, bev, come here and look at the idiot next door

On the front page.

Man: boy, this guy's uglier than me.

Child: who's that dork on the front page, daddy?

No.

Oh, look at me.

I've become a bitter, twisted old man

Ruled by my own fears and insecurities.

Ed? Oh, you're up here again?

Stop sulking and come down, darling.

The girls are here!

Oh, reduced to coaching a women's auxiliary bowling team.

If only I'd gotten that onepin.

(Pins falling )

Announcer: and now bowling for the conglom-o corporation

Ed "scatterpins" bighead.

The last frame of the tournament

And all ed needs to win the trophy

Is just one measly pin.

Just one pin!

Ed, hurry up!

All right, girls, if we win tonight's game,i...

I meanwe get that giant trophy.

I don't have to tell you ladies

How much that trophy means to me.

Remember, girls, it may be true that winning isn't everything

But losing is nothing!

Oh, ed, don't you think

You're taking this a bit too seriously?

Oh, 'tis mutinous talk, bev.

(Rings )

Hello.

(High-speed chatter )

What?

We quit the league and joined a monastery.

We've even taken a vow of silence.

Oops! Got to go.

The other team forfeited the match.

(Chortles )

That means we win the trophy, we win the trophy!

Actually, according to the rule book

If we don't play the last match, nobody wins

And the trophy presentation is held next year.

Let's see that.

Blast, she's right.

We have to find an opposing team, and quick!

Any three idiots will do.

(Banging at door )

Why, mr bighead.

Hi, neighbor.

How would you and your little friends

Like to play a game, hmm?

Well, we're already playing a game.

Hi, mr. Bighead.

Well, actually

I was thinking of something a bit more challenging--

Likebowling?

Bowling?

We've never been bowling.

I hear they've got greasy cuisine at bowling alleys.

And you get to wear cool shoes.

Both: we're in.

Perfect.

(Bowling pins falling )

Ed: here, boys--

I took the liberty of getting you these team shirts.

The losers?

Aw, cool-- just like a real team.

Look, everybody-- I'm a loser.

Come down from there, heff, you'll put an eye out.

(Chuckling wickedly )

This is going to be sweet.

Now let's get you boys some shoes, hmm?

(Bowling pins falling )

Ferb, some shoes for the opposing team?

Are they a real team?

They've got shirts, don't they?!

Uh, yep.

Size nine, please.

(Banging )

(Clinking )

(Muffled ): there you go.

(Sniffs )

(Pop )

(Gasping )

(Coughs )

You know, they don't smell so bad

Once you get your feet in them.

Heff, where did you gettho shoes?

Some customer left 'em here.

They were the only size s they had.

What do you mean, you gave my shoes away?

Attention, bowlers

The o-town bowl-o-rama amateur league championship game

Will now begin.

It's bighead's gutter gals

Vs. The losers, now on lane .

L-lane .

(Rattling )

That's terribly unlucky.

Unlucky for the slobs we're bowling against.

Heffer!

Oops! Sorry, mom.

All right, ladies, this is it.

Show no mercy.

Crush them like infidels.

Oh, lighten up, ed.

It's only heffer and his little friends.

Ed, try to put things

In their proper perspective, darling.

Perspective?

Perspective?

This is a championship!

Announcer: for the championship, all ed bighead needs is one pin

And remember, he's got two tries

So he'd have to roll two gutter balls in a row

To mess this up.

Announcer : not very likely, chip.

Chip: what's this?

Bighead intentionally rolls the ball down the gutter.

While waiting for the ball to return, let's get a word.

Seems you rolled that on purpose. Any comment?

I don'tneed two balls to win this one.

You have it, a completely gratuitous show of bravado.

Chip?

Why, yes, it was, dale.

Dale: now ed steps up for his final ball.

Remember, all he needs isone pin.

(Chanting ): ed, ed, ed.

Ed, ed, ed, ed!

Move it or lose it.

We are trying to play a game here.

Ferb: first up for the gutter gals is bev bighead.

(Ball whistling through air )

And leading off for the losers is filburt.

(Clang )

(Ball whistles through air )

Rocko and heffer: a strike!

Next up, howling virginia wolf.

Ed (yelling ): come on, virginia, put some oomph into it!

Ooh, that's my best start this season.

Up second for the losers...

Heffer wolf.

(Ball whistles through air )

All right, I got a strike!

Yes, but unfortunately it wasn't in our lane.

Oh, does that matter?

(b*llet ricocheting )

(Ball whistles through air )

(Shoes creak )

(Ball whistles through air )

Yes!

We're having a wonderful time.

(Crash )

(Gulps )

Halfway...

They're actually close.

I better do something to improve the odds.

Good hands.

(Laughing )

(Pop )

(Yelling )

Rocko: you're up, heffer.

(Tires skidding )

(Choked mumbling )

Ed, if you are going to talk

Take the steer out of your mouth.

He's choking.

I've got to use the heimlich maneuver.

(Crash )

A strike.

Heffer got a strike.

Let me see the score.

(Gasps )

It's too close.

Who's up next, who's up next?

Virginia?! Oh, no.

What was that?!

You bowl like a wimp!

Well, ed, i...

No excuses!

Heffer: hey, mr. Bighead

That's my mother you're yelling at

And I don't like it.

Ah, who asked you, chubby?

Don't you insult my boy, you big galoot.

You tell him, mom.

Thank you, heffer.

I'm taking my ball and going home.

(Crash )

You won't have virginia wolf to kick around anymore.

Bye, mom.

Fine.

We can win this trophy without you.

Right, girls?

Girls?

Both: get a life, ed.

You've taken all the joy

Out of the game.

This is mutiny.

If you want the trophy so bad, bozo

Finish the game yourself.

I don't need any of you.

There's been a change in the team lineup.

I'll be bowling the last frame for the gutter girls.

Sorry, ed

No substitutions allowed.

Well done, filburt, another strike.

That ties the game.

Yeah, but they still have one bowler to go.

All they need is one pin to win.

Just a second.

(b*llet ricocheting )

Hi, it's me-- bev.

I'm back and ready to bowl.

I thought you were a redhead.

So I got my hair done!

Do you like it?

Ferb: well, bev can clinch the championship

With just one pin, one pin.

One pin...

One pin...

Chip: one pin is all ed bighead needs on his final ball.

I think it's safe to assume this one's wrapped up.

Dale: right, barring some catastrophe that would haunt him

For the rest of his life

I'd say this one's in the bag.

No, he's got to be disappointed with that one!

Chip: yeah, that's got to hurt.

After throwing that first ball away

He's got to be feeling a little foolish right now.

(Screaming )

(Rumbling )

(Crashing )

Oh, that's it.

I'm through letting one unfortunate incident

Rule my life.

I am putting my fingers in those holes

And that is final.

(Panting )

(Trumpet fanfare )

I did it?

I did it!

I win.

(Maniacal laughter )

I win.

The trophy is mine,mine.

Mine, mine, mine, mine.

(b*llet ricocheting )

Here you go.

Pardon me, forgot my purse.

I'll take that trophy if you don't mind...

Bev.

Due to an illegal substitution

This year the championship trophy goes to "the losers."

Mr. Bighead

We had a really good time.

Thanks for inviting us.

And I know this trophy

Means more to you than it does to me, so...

I'll keep it in the window that faces your house

So you can look at it whenever you want.