02x01 - I Have No Son

[bunniefuu]

(Buzzing )

(Rattling )

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

(Whistling and buzzing )

(Splat! )

(Screaming )

♪ Rocko's modern life.

Rocko's modern life.



That was a hoot!

You know, rob, this is kind of funny.

What do you mean?

The two of us on a blanket, eating sandwiches.

What's funny about that?

'Cause we're pigs, we can't talk.

That's what makes it seem very humorous.

Are you with me?

What are you, a fathead?

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the boneheads.

It's the fatheads, you dolt.

Rocko, it's starting.

Our favorite show.

Coming.

(Slurping )

(Panting )

Pig announcer: these are the fatheads.

I wonder what kind of ridiculous nonsense

They'll get mixed up with today, eh?

Let's take a look.

Mister, mister.

You want to buy some cookies?

Edward elias fathead, what did you do?

What is in your mouth?

Did you eat another solicitor?

Mm-mm.

Well, I'll see about that.

(Clanging )

(Offscreen laughing )

(Both laughing )

I love this show.

There you are.

Are you okay, dear?

(Laughing hysterically )

Meanwhile...

Yep, you broke it.

You finally broke it.

You smashed my eye.

Now what, huh?

Boy, are you going to get it now.

(Echoing ): hey, hey, hey, hey...

Somebody's going to pay for that glass.

(Applause )

We'll be right back.

Pig announcer: the fatheads is sponsored by puppy nuggets.

They're little things

And you're just going to go nuts over them.

The fatheads, created by ralph bighead.

Together: ralph bighead?

Oh...

Do you think...

(Screaming and crying )

Oh, how can our baby see us this way?

Baby?

That baby humiliates us week after week

On national television.

Makes us look like a couple of frogs.

I... Never...

Want to...

Hear the name ralph bighead

Again!

(Doorbell rings )

I'll get it.

Are you related to ralph bighead?

Uh, because I'm a big, big fan ofmeet the fatheads

And I though maybe he

Was your nephew, or your son.

Son?

I have no son!

Rocko, I must tell you something.

Um...

Ralph bighead is our only son.

Here he is at the beginning of his life cycle.

Oh, just look at that little tail.

He was such a cute tadpole.

(Sobbing )

(Blowing nose )

Oh...

Little ralphie showed an early talent in the arts

And wanted to grow up to be a great painter.

Ed had hopes that one day

Ralph would join him as an executive

At the conglom-o corporation.

And when that day finally came

Ed was bursting with fatherly pride.

But, but something...

Went terribly...

(Sobbing )

What happened?

Come to think of it, I don't know.

(Sobbing loudly )

Oh, my baby...

Gee, mrs. Bighead, I wish I could help, but...

Oh, oh, rocko, rocko, darling

Would you bring my little ralphie home?

Um...

It's our th anniversary next weekend.

It would mean so much to us.

Mr. Bighead: time for my bubble bath.

Toot-toot.

Coming, captain cupcake.

Here, take this picture of ralph

Go to hollowood, find him.

Here's three bucks.

Bring him home to us, won't you?

Mr. Bighead: bev.

Mrs. Bighead: keep your skin on, frogman.

Oh, rocko

I can't believe we're really going to hollowood.

I'm so excited.

Me neither, filburt.

I just hope spunky's going to be okay.

I left food for him.

(Burping )

(Blowing raspberries )

(Tires squealing )

Filbert: wow...

It's so real.

Rocko: this looks like it, filburt.

(Buzzing )

(Falsetto: ) hi, there, welcome to bighead studios.

You folks come for our exciting studio tour?

Oh, hello.

I'm sorry, we've just come along

To see if we might meet with ralph bighead this afternoon.

The... Tour's very nice, you know.

Well, I'm...

Yes, um, I'm sure it is.

(Lower voice: ) let's try this again.

(Clearing throat )

(Falsetto ): welcome to bighead studios.

Have you folks come for our exciting new studio tour?

Um, well, i...

Yes, yes, um, we'd love to take your tour.

All aboard.

Hello, everyone.

Welcome to ralph bighead studios

Home of the fatheads

America's goofiest cartoon couple.

First stop, our story department.

Let's step inside and see how a cartoon is born.

Okay, then rocko, filburt

And the rhino guy come into the...

(Laughing )

Wrong show.

Okay, so we got mr. And mrs. Fathead.

Ah, here we go.

And they're, you know, standing there.

In the next panel, the phone rings and mrs. Fathead

Reaches offscreen and answers the phone

And says, "hello?"

Huh? Huh?

Oh, genius.

Rhino: next we visit the animation department

Where our animators bring the story to life.

Here we find a group of animators hard at work

Drawing thousands of teeny tiny pictures

Again and again and again.

(Phone ringing )

Hey, filburt

Don't tap on the glass.

Oh, okay, rocko.

Filbert: oh, boy.

Rhino: next stop, the camera room

Where the finished animation is meticulously filmed.

Go, honey, go.

Oh, that's fantastic.

Yes, sparkle, baby.

Oh, is that how they do it?

No, those guys are idiots.

Let the camera do the work.

Rhino: and now, the screening room

Where we'll get a sneak peek at a finished cartoon.

I am talking to you, listen to me.

Nope, I'm not listening.

I am talking to you, hello, listen to me.

Nope, I'm not doing it.

Hello, listen to me.

Nope, not any part of it.

Hello, hello, hello!

(Laughing )

Where's the pain?

Where is it?

All: pain? More pain? Absolutely.

Sure, I'll do anything you want-- charley horse...

And now, the part you've all been waiting for.

The cornerstone of the animation industry

The lifeblood of its very existence

Filbert: t-t-t...

Toys.

Ooh...

Oh, oh, I want one of these

And one of these, and, and, oh...

Two of these, and two of those

And one of those and two of those

And one of these and those and these

And of those.

And three of those and I got to have this.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Look, look, look, look.

(Gulping ): but it's far too expensive.

Oh, what the hey.

(Cash register ringing )

Yes, yes, yes, yes...

Crowd: yes, sir. Yes, sir. You've got it, r.b..

R.b.?

R.b.!

Filburt, filburt.

That was ralph bighead.

What? Who? When? Where?

Okay, guys.

Let's see, your total comes to $.

Plus tax.

Guys?

Yoo-hoo!

All: yes, yes, yes, absolutely.

Yes, yes, certainly, won't we?

(Phone ringing )

Certainly, right away, yes.

Ralph: you're all fired.

(All chatting )

I thought I fired you.

Uh, well, we don't work for you.

Heh-heh.

Heh-heh-heh.

Well, then, why are you in my office?

We love your cartoon.

But actually, that's not why we're here.

We're here about your parents.

I have no parents.

No, uh, actually, uh, you do.

Right next door to my house, you see.

And they're having their th wedding anniversary

On saturday night.

In the viking room.

Yes, yes, in the viking room at the holiday hotel.

And they want you to be there.

You see, they miss you and, and, and...

And they love your cartoon.

It would mean a lot to them

If you could be there.

I never want to see

Those two again.

Never!

Never!

Never! Never! Never!

Never!

Never!

Never!

Never!

Never!

Never!

Never!

Never!

Never!

Never! Never!

Never!

Never!

Never!

Never!

(Knocking )

Say cheese.

Cheese.

Filbert: oh, fish sticks.

(Doorbell ringing )

It's him.

Melonman.

Guess what I got?

A lobotomy?

(Applause )

No, silly, I got...

(Burping )

These.

Honey, do you hear something?

Wait a minute.

Now, that time, I definitely heard something.

I smell melon.

Pig announcer: well, well.

Things have gotten kind of sticky

For the fatheads, haven't they?

And they're about to get stickier.

Will you lower your voice?

You loweryour voice.

I will whenyou loweryour voice.

Lower your voice.

You loweryour voice.

(Applause )

Ugh!

Oh, look, it's playing.

Get this flying disease off my head!

(Applause )

(Winding )

(Squeaking )

Ed: ladies and gentlemen

Fellow conglom-o employees

It gives me great pleasure to begin the fiscal year

With the inclusion of a new employee at conglom-o.

My son, ralph.

And now, without further a-doo-doo...

(Fanfare )

...the donut.

All: ooh...

Its circular shape symbolizing

Conglom-o's relentless pursuit of the almighty dollar.

I now call upon my son to carry out the noble tradition

Established by our founding fathers

Of breaking this golden ring of dough

Thereby issuing in the new fiscal year.

Son, make me proud.

He's not breaking the donut.

Famine and pestilence will befall us.

But, dad, I can't.

(Crowd gasps )

Man: we're doomed!

Don't start with me.

Break the donut.

For the last time, break the donut.

(Crowd moans )

(Cheering )

Speech! Speech!

(Burping )

Um...

(Microphone squeals )

Ladies and gentlemen, i...

I don't want to work at conglom-o.

(Gasping )

In fact, I'm moving...

To hollowood.

To become a...

Cartoonist.

(Screaming )

Excuse me, mr. Bighead

Did I get this right?

Your son will be moving to...

I have no son!

(Sighing )

(Clanking shut )

Man: a one, a two, a one, two, three, four...

(Big band music starting up )

(Fly buzzing )

Mrs. Bighead, where are you?

Ah-ha.

Is that you, rosie?

I know it's you

'Cause I can smell your succotash.

(Giggling nervously )

Let's dance.

Rocko?

Mrs. Bighead, it's you.

Listen, I found ralph, but--

My ralph is here at last.

No, wait, mrs. Bighead...

Oh, my poor, poor, lost son.

He's here.

Mrs. Bighead, you don't understand...

Oh, he must be so handsome.

I'm so excited.

(Glass breaking )

Attention, everyone.

I'd like to make a toast

To my lovely toad of a wife, bev.

I remember the day we met

Our tongues tangled around the same fly carcass.

Oh, ed.

Through years of marriage

We have a single regret...

You!

(Crowd gasping )

Ralphie, darling!

What are you doing here?

This little beaver came to hollowood

And said you wanted me here.

Wanted you?!

After the way you've disgraced the bighead name?

Ha! Go back to hollowood

And, that, that...

That cartoon of yours.

Cartoons are my life

And I thought that maybe

You had finally come to respect that.

Respect? What do you know about respect?

Remember conglom-o?

Conglom-o?

(Arguing )

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

Oh, let's just be a family again.

Over my dead body.

Have it your way, dad.

(Crowd screaming )

(Gasps )

(Fly buzzing )

You, you, you kept it.

You...

(Sobbing ): my boy.

Son!

(Jingling )

Ah...

The donut, you kept it.

You do care about conglom-o.

No, I don't care about conglom-o.

I care about...

You.

Son!

Dad!

Crowd: aw...

My son.

Make a lot of money?

Oh, dad.

Ha! That's my boy.

(Crowd cheering )

Oh, my boys, my boys.

Uncle ed, can we break the pinata now?

Ed: pinata? Sure.

(Gulping )

Announcer: hey, kids, stay tuned for the season premiere

Ofmeet the fatheads.

I wonder what kind of trouble

They'll get into this year.

(Blowing raspberries )

Quiet, you two, it's starting.

Oh, don't mind him, boys.

We're just so excited to have our sonny-boy back.

I cannot thank you enough.

It must have been very difficult.

Well, actually, it's quite a story.

You see...

Quiet, dear, it's starting.

That's it.

The bake sale is off.

(Audience applauding )

(Laughing )

Oh, great, here comes that disgusting neighbor of ours

Rolo.

Oh, hello, rolo, won't you come in?

Yes, thank you, mate.

Would you like some cheesecake, rolo?

Don't give him anything!

Why, thank you, I'd love some, mate.

Thank you.

It was delicious, mate.

Pineapples!

Oh, boy, when are we going to have pineapples, mate?

(Laughing )

Good night, hosers.

Hey.

I don't get it.

(Man laughing )