(calming music)
(pen scratching)
(calming music)
(lively music)
(lively music continues)
(lively music continues)
(lively music continues)
(lively music continues)
(lively music continues)
(lively music continues)
(crowd chattering)
(crowd booing)
(crowd booing fades)
Jarvis, you're still here.
You okay?
That one really hurt, coach.
Yeah, that was uh, that
was a heartbreaker.
Yeah.
You threw two interceptions
the last five
minutes of the game.
You blew a 10 point lead.
I would definitely categorize
that as a heartbreaker.
Knocked us out the playoffs.
Season gone 'cause
of two stupid throws.
Well, this is all the facts.
I wouldn't say stupid.
I would border
more on idiotic, moronic,
but if it helps you
get over it any faster,
I'll, I'll go with it.
I promise you, coach.
Next year, it'll be better.
Never again.
If you think you're
coming back next year
then I got a bridge to
sell you in Brooklyn.
Merry Christmas.
(tense music)
(traffic humming)
So, Elias Brown,
you've been able to amass
an impressive amount
of catches this season.
And what's even more impressive
is the amount of
yards after the catch.
Hey, they can't guard
me, they can't tackle me.
I'm just a beast.
- Hmm.
- In every way.
Right.
So what is it that,
what's your motivation?
What drives you?
You know, I just wanna,
wanna see my future wife,
or uh, future baby mama,
see me excel on
the field, you know?
And then maybe uh, after that,
she might want to excel with
me in the bedroom and beyond.
What you think?
Well, you heard it here,
from the bed and beyond.
So now it's time
for us to pay some bills
so we're gonna
take a commercial break.
[Director] Cut.
Excuse me.
Hey, where are
you going, beautiful?
Uh, you know, all of a sudden
I'm feeling a little slimy.
So I'm just
gonna go wash that off.
But I'll be right back
so we can finish this.
Oh, come on.
Elias Brown didn't
just do this interview
so he can get this close to you.
Come on.
Oh, okay.
Talking about
yourself in a third person?
Checks all the creep boxes.
If you'll excuse me, I'll just-
- Hey, hey, hey.
Look, I just
signed for 44, all right?
M's, that is. (chuckles)
Hey, let me take you out to
Saint Tropee on my yacht.
Oh, Saint-Tropez.
Say what?
Yeah, okay, so let's not,
but I'm sure
with all those 44 M's,
you're gonna
catch a lot of flies.
So you'll be fine.
You think you all that, huh?
What?
Can't even
walk in those heels.
Elias Brown
ain't got time for this.
You still got it.
You still got it.
(smooth music)
(camera clicking)
Is it true your supermodel
girlfriend dumped you via text?
Oh, man, oh.
Is she dating the kicker?
Hey, hey, hey, Jarvis,
what are you gonna do next?
Hey, Jarvis,
what do you do next?
Come on, Jarvis!
Rumor has it the team's
gonna release you next week.
[Photographer]
Jarvis, oh yeah, uh-huh.
- That's gonna sell.
- Real nice, real nice.
That's good.
(engine revving)
(smooth music)
(phone ringing)
Ma.
Hey, son.
So I guess she heard?
Jarvis,
did you have to throw the ball
straight to the other team?
I mean, didn't you get
that explicit LASIK stuff?
Uh-huh, see, I knew I shouldn't
believe them commercials.
Come on, Ma, give me a break.
I've already heard
enough from my coach.
And then I invited the
whole family over here
to watch ya make
a fool of yourself.
I done let my team down,
let my fans
down, let myself down.
And worst of
all, you had that skinny,
that, that supermodel go
down on your best friend,
the kicker.
Come on now.
She could've at least started
with the offensive line.
Those boys got girth.
Ma, can you please stop
sticking the knife in deeper?
Now, son,
even though you were an epic
and magnificent disappointment
to your team and the family,
being an NFL
football quarterback
and playing in the
biggest game of your life,
we still love you and want you
to come home for Christmas.
Ah, that's great.
That's in a few days, isn't it?
Yeah and your daddy's gonna
try that fry turkey again.
Only this time we got
the proper insurance.
All right, all right,
Ma, look, I'll do my best.
You'll do your best?
Come on now, you, I don't know
how many more Christmas days,
your poor mama got left.
And I invited Cece this year.
She wants to see you.
Ma, stop, please.
What have I told you about that?
Don't try to be
the matchmaker, all right?
We were together in high school.
Plus she doesn't
want me anymore.
Hm, after what you showed
us on that field out there,
you ought to be grateful
that she even took my call.
Son, you need
a good wholesome woman.
Not a skinny
little old supermodel.
Listen, please
do not invite her.
Besides, I already got a date.
Who?
Who?
Who cares?
I mean, it's, it's a surprise.
It's a surprise, Ma.
Well, let's just see
who this surprise is, son.
And she better be
dressed appropriate
because Reverend Dawson
may be stopping by
and he don't need to
see no tramp stamping.
His eyes be
wandering enough as it is.
Oh, Ma, Ma,
Ma, I can't hear you.
There's something going on.
Are you in a bad area?
Ma, I'm call you back.
I love you, all right?
Boy don't even
know how to lie right.
(whimsical music)
So, tell me about yourself.
And then I tried being
vegan for like three weeks,
and then I realized I was
actually pescatarian at heart.
So I switched back to being
vegan for like two more weeks
to make sure
that I could handle it.
Wait, is this vegan?
Is this drink vegan or?
Would you like to
open us up in prayer?
Y'all know
what time it is, okay?
Finding the vibes, looking
for the guys, okay?
Bad girls all year, okay?
Hashtagging, okay?
Make sure y'all follow me
on YouTube, Instagram, okay?
I am so Sunny.
Look, I ain't
got time for no BS.
I'm already at executive level,
so you either meet
me or beat me, okay?
You wanna know about my
last three TikTok posts?
They was a little, you know,
I was givin'
a little thirst vibe,
but sometimes you gotta give
the thirst to get the thirst.
I lead the youth
group on Wednesdays,
and then Fridays
is the Bible study.
We need a new deacon.
You should join.
Usually when I meet
somebody for the first time,
I'm just like, you know, like,
I need to know that you're
gonna call me back, right?
How many followers do you got?
My clock is ticking and
I ain't got time for no BS.
So you gotta come correct
or don't come at all.
Just, if
you're not feeling it,
you can just let
me know now, you know?
I think that would be cool.
The Lord is my shepherd.
I shall not be in want.
Are you giving out
handbags for Christmas?
Because,
you know, I need a couple.
And some shoes to go
with it if that's cool.
(light dramatic music)
Leticia.
- Hey.
- Good morning.
Now, look,
I've managed to keep you
on here on the roster
for over a year,
but you haven't produced what
the headhunters advertised.
I need a big story, now.
Look, I'm just,
I'm not okay with all the lies
and the following
the rumor stuff.
Like, I'm just not
comfortable with that.
Half of this crap's made up.
Nobody cares, they just
want to be entertained.
They just want
their beliefs reinforced.
They just wanna see a
celebrity that's not so special
so they don't feel so bad
about their own crappy lives.
Okay, look, I'm, I got
some really big leads.
I'm onto something.
I, I just need some more time.
All right, look, I'm
gonna give you two weeks.
Just after Christmas,
and then I'm gonna be
expecting a big story.
- Okay.
- Okay?
Preferably a celebrity secret.
If not, it's gonna be no
secret that you're fired.
Look, I worked really
hard to get this job.
So work hard
to keep it, sweetie.
Merry Christmas.
Christmas time
(singer singing
in foreign language)
(singer singing
in foreign language)
I wanna say
goodnight, sweet dreams
(singer singing
in foreign language)
My salvation.
Oh my goodness.
Look who can grow kale.
Okay.
Huh, there we go.
(phone ringing)
Mm-hm, okay.
Hey Momma Dee,
how you doing today?
Oh, much better now that
I'm speaking with an angel.
Mm, I know a few people
that would argue
that sentiment with you.
(laughs) Well, I'm
calling to say thank you
for the fruit basket.
That was a nice gesture.
Yeah.
Anything to
make you feel better.
I know it's
the anniversary, and...
Well, child, let's not
dwell on sad things today.
It's a good day
and I'm feeling blessed.
Me too, Momma Dee, me too,
because my kale actually
came in and it's amazing.
Great, great.
But you keep all
that healthy eating
over there where you are.
We eating over
here to die early.
Lots of grease
and fat and sugar.
Might be bad for your
health, but good for soul.
I'm gonna get you.
I'm gonna get
you eating healthy, okay?
Healthy eating,
healthy life, Momma Dee.
(laughs) Over my
dead, diabetic body.
Okay, we'll see, we'll see.
I was calling to see if
you were still planning
on coming over for Christmas.
Yes, of course.
As long as Jarvis ain't coming.
What, what?
No, no, no.
He, he's not gonna be here.
He's playing that day.
Momma Dee,
the entire world knows
that Jarvis threw
interceptions and got benched
and is not playing anything
but spades in his backyard
on Christmas Day.
Well, okay, he's not coming.
But, but you,
you know how he is.
Yes, I do.
That's why
he and I didn't work out.
But you know what?
I got a whole
new family out of it.
Does that mean you're coming?
Can I bring my kale?
Of course you can.
We'll use it as garnish
for the potato salad.
Oh my God.
You would do that, too.
Yes, yes, I will be there.
4:00 PM sharp.
Yes, ma'am, bye.
Bye, baby.
I won't let her garnish you.
(chuckles) Momma Dee,
you are a mastermind.
Yes, you are.
(whimsical music)
My salvation.
(sirens wailing)
(smooth music)
It's been a long day.
I'm gonna need a double Jameson.
Another double.
I'm still the same
that I was yesterday
And I made
a promise to myself
Make a change
and better myself
Thank you.
I'm not signing any autographs.
Excuse me?
Don't ask me for an autograph.
Not signing anything.
I'm just relaxing.
I saw it on your face.
You was about to ask me.
What are you, like
a rapper or something?
That was a good one.
Change
Change
What I want is change
Darling leave it to me
(smooth music)
- Hey girl.
- Hey.
- I'm sorry I'm late.
- No, no worries.
Ah, you look cute.
Thank you.
Got the girls out.
You better.
Girl, I had to send
those feet picks out.
You know how I do.
I gotta make sure that cash
app stay buzzing, okay?
You are such a foot whore.
- I know, it's so bad.
- It's terrible.
(both laughing)
Um, excuse me.
Two grandmas on rocks, please.
Yeah, that'll be good.
So girl, finish telling
me about your boss.
He's trying to fire you?
What's up with that?
Girl, he trying to put
me in the free food line.
And you know, they don't have
a lot of vegetarian options,
so that'll never work.
Well, girl, sh**t.
You better be
a sugar eating whore.
I'll be eating cakes and
cookies and all types of things,
'cause you know, sugar is vegan.
Just in case you didn't know.
Girl, you crazy.
No, but seriously, like,
I need something bad.
Like I need a story.
I need something juicy.
Listen, you know you can always
take pictures of your feet
like I do and
collect those coins.
(friend laughs)
What?
I'm serious,
you should give it a try.
But you know what?
I just ran into Jarvis Porter
stumble into the bathroom, girl.
He looks sloppy drunk.
I say we take
some footage of him
acting all drunk and whatnot
and do a story about him
being an alcoholic, for you.
Who's Jarvis Porter?
Jarvis Porter, girl.
Two time Super Bowl champion.
I know my sports.
You gotta keep up, honey.
I think it would be good.
Think about it.
Listen, he's washed up now,
but he's about to retire
so it might be worth it.
Oh girl, maybe I can
get his retirement story.
That would,
that would save my job.
Come on, come on.
Mm, and I'm sure he's held
onto some of his millions.
Ooh girl.
You know I'm
looking for a Poppa, right?
Could you put in
a word for me, please?
Girl, did
you see where he went?
Girl, he is right
over there in the corner
with the shades on, okay?
Gold chain.
- Oh no.
- Mm-hm.
(Momma Dee humming)
(Momma Dee chuckling)
(whimsical music)
You sure that we can do this
without your wife finding out?
She better not find
out for both our sakes.
What do you mean?
We, we have some
unfinished business.
I know what
we got, okay, but not here.
Listen, you know that I am
only here for the bag, right?
[Poppa] Yeah, I know.
So the rest of
this is gonna be on you.
I got it, okay?
I got it.
Call me back.
- All right, okay.
- Okay, bye.
That fool done lost his mind.
Mm!
Put a coat on.
I'm a k*ll him.
Sure is my name,
I'm gonna k*ll him.
Ah.
You're back.
Oh, I know what it is.
You want me to buy you a drink?
I'm a buy you a drink
Here you go.
This for you.
$100, that's right there.
That's yours, please leave.
Why you sitting down?
Go ahead, can
you leave me alone please?
- $100.
- It's been a rough day.
Yes.
$100 on the table.
I'm gonna sit.
Listen, um, so, you know, the
stuff I said to you earlier,
I was just hoping that maybe
we can just kind of like
let bygones be bygones
and just put it past us.
Yes, yes.
Let bygones be bygones.
Just, just forget all about it.
That's just not important.
You know, we all have sinned.
- Yes, yes.
- Right, right?
Listen,
you threw an interception
during the most important
game of your career.
She called you a loser.
But it's not about that,
that's not important.
What's important is how
you intercept the pitfalls
and interceptions of the light.
Right?
Exactly, exactly.
Oh.
Oh, y'all some, y'all some
type of comedy act, right?
- What?
- No, no, no.
I'm a journalist
for The Gauntlet.
Oh, oh.
No, no, no, no.
You stay away
from me, all right?
You not about to
catch me slipping.
That's a tabloid paper.
No, no, no, listen.
We're, we're
trying to make a turn.
Like we're, we're focusing
more stories on the positive.
- Yes.
- Like we're,
we're also focusing more
on redemption stories.
Redemption stories.
Redemption, exactly.
That's what it's all
about and you know what?
I see a touchdown
in your future, baby.
- Redemption, huh?
- Yes, yes.
Yeah and, and if you
just let me interview you,
then I swear I can turn
all the recent events
into a positive.
Yes, let her.
[Leticia] Let me.
I'm telling you.
Now let me tell
you something else.
My feet picked are to die for.
(Jarvis chuckles)
Yeah, y'all chicks crazy.
I'm about to be outta here.
Plus I'm a leg and butt man.
I'm not into all that
weirdo stuff, all right?
- Okay, okay.
- Thank you.
Okay, well, uh, well,
let me give you my card and um,
maybe you just
might change your mind.
I doubt it.
I make a mean T-bone steak.
I couldn't see
Girl, that didn't go well.
Well, at least you
got $100 out the deal.
Oh, well, I ain't too proud.
Actually,
I'm about to get fired.
Ooh.
(Poppa snoring)
(tense music)
(Poppa snoring)
(tense music)
(Poppa snoring)
(tense music)
(phone ringing)
Ma, what
you doing up at this time?
Well, you know, sometimes
I wake up to study the word.
The silence makes me
reflect a little bit more
on the blessings.
Won't he do it, son?
Ah, so what pops do now?
Oh, nothing, just being
his old regular self.
You know, you know, your
father's a very special man.
And soon and very soon I would
be doing a special thing.
Well it's good to see
you guys are getting along.
You know, sometimes growing up,
I ain't know if
I was gonna end up
on one of those crime story
specials or something.
Crime, us?
Oh, no one will ever know.
I, I mean, uh,
no one will ever know
what a true love we have.
That's good, Ma.
Oh, speaking of love,
I can't wait for you and Cecee
to get back
together at Christmas time.
I mean, look at that fact
that you gonna be
kicked off the team
that you got
plenty of time now for,
you know, to
invest in a relationship.
Ma, what, what'd I tell you?
Please stop trying
to be the matchmaker.
Besides, I'm um, I'm, I'm,
I'm bringing somebody.
Oh, are you now?
Yeah, um,
she's, she's actually a
beautiful woman and um,
um, tall and a professional.
Okay, all right.
Professional lady, tall, pretty.
What does this
professional lady do?
She's a reporter.
Oh, oh, oh, she a TV reporter?
Yeah, a reporter.
Is she one of
those TV reporters
that report with all them bombs
and things
blowing up behind her?
Because I need me some
grand babies by you.
Ma, relax.
No, she's not that type.
Oh, well good, then
I'll be happy to meet her.
We'll set up
the guest room for her.
I'm so excited.
[Jarvis] Yeah, me too.
But look,
you gonna get you some rest.
All right, son.
And in the meantime, if I
ever need to be bailed out,
there's $20,000 and
a safe under the shed.
Ma?
(phone beeping)
Well, my toe appreciation
team came through again,
and now I'm the proud owner
of a new pair of Christians.
Ah ah ah!
Girl, you are
degrading yourself
for non appreciating assets.
Great job.
Ugh.
What?
Generational wealth is
destroying itself as we speak.
Girl, the only generation
I'm concerned with
is this one, okay?
Me.
Thank you.
Girl,
my life is over
and you don't even care.
I just blew my only shot.
Now I'm gonna have to go
get a job at Sprouts or,
or I don't know,
like USP or something.
Ooh, girl, you know what?
One of my home girls
works at UPS and her legs.
- No, I'm not-
- To die for.
Like, b*mb, tight.
Okay, she's going upstairs in
the heat all day long, honey,
she looks good.
It's a blessing in disguise.
You never know, Leticia.
You might wanna,
you know, think about it.
No.
(phone buzzing)
Ooh, ooh wait, hold on.
Yes!
Girl, Mr. Cheek Lover
22 is hitting me up.
I'm gonna have to go.
I love you though.
You're so not a good friend.
Oh, I love you.
My life is ending and
you don't really even care.
Oh I care.
I care somewhat, but baby,
I gotta go get this money.
I should have
had different feet.
(phone ringing)
Hello?
Hey, what's going on?
It's Jarvis.
Listen, I decided
to discuss your offer.
You're gonna
let me do the story?
Eh, I said discuss.
Okay, okay.
That's a start, that's a start.
Meet me at
Sleak Gym in about an hour.
Bring some workout clothes and
I'll do most of the talking.
Yes, oh, okay.
And, and you can do
most of the exercising.
Bye.
(smooth music)
Oh, I'm gonna get nice
and oiled up for you, baby.
Of course, of course.
Oh, you like it like that?
I know.
Uh.
(phone ringing)
Baby, it's my bestie.
It might be an emergency.
Listen, I will give you
an additional 15 minutes
plus I will throw in that
little bonus thing you like
on the house, okay?
Okay.
Bitch, you are
calling me on company time.
You better be in
the back of an ambulance.
Girl,
I'm calling because I'm having
a heart attack right now.
He called me.
Who, Michael B. Jordan?
Jarvis.
He says he's gonna
let me do the story.
Well, okay, so go.
Why are you calling me?
That's the point.
Like I, I'm
having second thoughts.
Like I don't, I don't
know if I wanna do it.
Oh, hold on one second.
You precious stud monster,
I will be right back.
Just, just hold up.
Well, I mean, what if
he's pulling my leg or,
I don't know, what if he
wants me to just go to there
and just massage his
washed up ego or something?
I don't know, like.
What if he's crazy like those
people that pay you online?
[Client] Hey.
You just lost me $85.
You better make it up
to me on my Amazon cart.
I am not playing.
It, it's just that I really
need this to go well, so bad.
Like I'm so in need of a break.
I don't wanna get my hopes
up and, and then like,
you know, this
isn't what it's supposed.
Maybe I should
just accept defeat
and start looking
at those applications.
You're right.
It could very
well be all some BS.
But at the end of the day,
what do you got to lose?
It's just an hour
of your time, Leticia.
And what if it's not some BS?
Yeah, you've always been the
wise one for the most part.
I mean, you know,
you didn't jump on
your ex's windshield
in the middle of Times Square
when he wouldn't take you back.
Girl, that man
wore a size 14 shoe.
So you do the math.
sh**t, I was prepared to
slide across that windshield
like Tom Cruise if he
decided to hit the gas, okay?
Woo, a woman has needs.
Okay, I'll go.
(upbeat holiday music)
(weights clanking)
- Hey.
- Ooh.
Not bad.
Your fashion sense at the
bar was not flattering.
You got a decent
pair of legs on you.
Yeah, well I uh, I ran a
semester of track in high school.
So, that's what you got.
All right, track star,
ready to get a set in?
- Yeah.
- Come on.
All right.
Here, let's see what you got.
Come on, pull, pull, pull.
You got it.
Pull, pull!
Ah, what?
Nah, rack it up.
You got a, you got a big old
vein popping out your forehead.
[Leticia] This is lightweight.
I got this, I got you.
Nah, you're
gonna get a stroke.
Put it down, put it down.
Okay, okay.
Now, oh yeah, go ahead.
Switch it back up.
- Okay.
- It's okay, it's okay.
It's all right.
Okay.
You know, that's what
happens, like the blood rushes.
Right, right.
- For sure.
- But you,
you look like you might
have needed a breather, so.
Well, I mean,
I haven't been in one of these
since before the pandemic, so.
Yeah, life goes on, huh?
Yeah, I hope so.
So, what's up?
So um, I was thinking, um,
oh, I, uh, I, I was
wondering if you would,
you would give me
your retirement story.
How did
you know I was retiring?
I haven't even told my mama yet.
Well, I mean, you know,
it was like a little itsy
bitsy educated guess, I think.
Well, listen,
I can't be mad at you.
You're right.
I think it is about that time,
especially after my last game.
I know the team's
gonna drop me next year.
It's just, I just,
didn't see that safety
hiding in the corner.
It's like he read my
eyes in a zone coverage.
Yeah, um, zone coverage.
I, I don't really know what
that is, but um, whatever.
So, you know, I just,
I really think that like I
should be the one that you trust.
You want me to do this story.
Absolutely not.
Well, maybe.
I need you to do me a favor
and then I can
give you what you want.
Okay look,
I'm not that type of girl,
but um, I know someone
with really pretty toes.
Listen, I promised my mother
I would bring the beautiful
woman to Christmas dinner.
It's kind of a big deal to her.
She's old and
all and so I just, uh,
I wanna come through clutch.
So you think I'm beautiful?
I mean, you, you not
Bae, "Crazy in Love" video,
but you know,
I mean, you all right?
All right, uh, fair enough.
Listen, I'm a professional.
So respectfully, I have
to decline your offer.
Okay.
I understand.
Enjoy your day.
Okay wait, you're not gonna
try to like convince me to-
- It was nice to
meet you, Leticia.
Come on.
Yeah, come on.
(whimsical music)
(engine roaring)
Ooh, my baby's home!
Jarvis.
Hey.
Oh my goodness.
Thank you, baby.
Oh, this is my
date right here, Leticia.
- Hi.
- Well hello, Leticia.
Hi, merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas
to you too, sweetheart.
Ooh, we gonna have to put some
meat on them bones, honey.
Oh, um, uh, I'm vegan, so
it's, it's like uh, yeah.
Ooh, Lord, Lord, Lord, ooh.
It's, it's, it's okay, Ma.
Look, it's, black
people are doing it now.
It's actually
kinda healthy, right?
Yeah, yeah, it's,
it's very healthy, yeah.
- Oh, okay.
- It's a thing.
Better than, understand.
All right, look, I'm
gonna go get the bags,
so follow her.
Yeah, mi casa es su casa.
[Momma Dee] All right.
Okay, okay.
Smells like
chitlins and hog mugs, but uh,
I could do
this, I could do this.
Little bit of (muttering).
What's this is over here?
So you must be the
big time reporter, huh?
My brother says you're
supposed to be all high class.
You ain't all that.
Turn around,
let me see your head.
Turn around, it's okay.
What, do you work
for TSA or something?
I mean, what's going on here?
It's tracks, ain't it?
Yeah, you ain't all that.
Okay, so you've never
added extensions to your hair
for full length and volume.
I got my eye on
you, big city girl,
and you better not be
after my brother's money
just like all the rest of 'em
'cause you ain't gonna
get a dime, all right?
Okay, let's start this over.
Hi, I'm Leticia.
Nice to meet you.
Uh-huh, I got my eye on you.
Oh, Leticia, what's going
on, my sweet little TT.
Been looking all over for you.
I see you've met my
loud mouth, obnoxious,
sometimes don't know how to
mine her business, sister, Rea.
But you can call her Riri.
Okay, yeah, she's
actually quite adorable.
That's absolutely correct.
She's quite the adorable one.
Yeah.
Anyway, I wanna
introduce you to my pops.
Come on.
Oh yeah, okay.
(Poppa yawns)
Mm!
Hello.
Oh.
Oh, hey.
Hi.
Oh, come on now, girl.
From the South.
We don't do that bougie
corporate thing down here.
We hug.
Come on, we hug.
Come on in here.
Yeah, that's it, mm-hm.
(Poppa chuckles)
Oh God.
Ooh, girl, look at you.
Have much meat
on your bone, do you?
You know what, black men around
here, we like hips, butt.
I ain't seen none
of that round and flat
since I looked at tortilla.
Look it, my wife tells me
you one of those crunchy,
avocado toast eating sisters.
Mm-hm.
Ooh girl,
let me teach you something.
Come on, come on.
No, what, what?
Pick your feet up, God damn.
(light dramatic music)
Ma, you, you better not.
I thought the pastor delivered
you from all of that.
Son, all have sinned.
So what's going on?
You're not stressing about
my interception, are you?
Because I, I'll be
all right, you know?
Thank you, but I've had
a good run, so yeah.
Nobody care about
your damn interception.
You've had many
of 'em your career.
Yeah.
And when
nobody care about you,
we gonna love you whether
you do football or not.
You just keep on
making that money.
Well, thank you for the
reinforcing statement, I think.
Well maybe I'm just
trying to look at things
on the bright side now.
Jarvis, it's your father.
I think he's up to something.
Up to something, like what?
I don't know why, I,
I don't know why
I didn't think about it.
She was right under my nose
and he's been trimming his
nose for the last two weeks.
What, Pops?
Come on now.
Ma, that don't
even sound like him.
Plus, you remember when you made
the announcement
last year for Christmas,
when you said
because of his diabetes,
his, his, his, you know, his-
Jarvis, Jarvis.
His pipes
wasn't working right?
Jarvis, they got
medicine for that, son.
Ma, Ma, that's, that's TMI.
I'm not sure about what to do.
I've read about 16
different ways to end it,
but I don't wanna be
taken off the insurance.
All right, first of all,
stop watching too much TV.
Second, I don't know, I mean,
y'all been together
for like 42 years, Ma.
Maybe y'all should just
have a conversation
before you resort to a first
degree felony conviction.
You know?
Well, maybe
that does make sense.
Let me talk to him.
I don't know if that's
gonna be a good idea, son.
You know,
Justin was his favorite.
Yeah, well, Justin is gone,
so I guess I'm gonna have to do.
Have you learned
to accept that?
Have I ever had a choice, Ma?
Never, not really.
But you know, maybe it's not
bad to be second sometimes.
Now look, round here, you
gotta know how to sh**t.
Mm-hm, yeah.
Come on now.
You never know
when you're gonna see
a dinner deer
across the road or a,
it could be a zombie apocalypse
or you run into one of them
Maganificent insurrectionists.
Got to, hm, yeah.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm really not with
all the v*olence and-
- Bougie girl, if you
gonna be in our family,
you can't be milk toast.
You got to sop
this up with a biscuit!
Now come on.
No, I, I really can't.
- Yes you can.
- I can't, I can't, I can't.
Like Michelle Obama said.
- Oh, I can't.
- Uh-huh.
"When they go low, you
sh**t 'em high in the face."
- Yeah, I, oh.
- Come on now.
Get in there.
Put your hands on there.
Okay, well.
Oh, okay.
- It's heavy, okay.
- What, okay.
There you go.
Where do I put?
Put your, put your
finger down the trigger.
- Okay, okay.
- There, there you go.
- Okay, all right.
- Okay now,
position yourself, get ready.
Okay.
Come on, there's
a little kick there.
(g*nsh*t firing)
(Leticia laughs)
Pop, the weasel go pop!
Can I go, can I go again?
Uh-huh, yeah, go ahead.
Okay, all right.
I'm not a crunchy girl
and I'm not avocado toast!
(g*nsh*t firing)
Ooh!
Okay, okay.
Okay.
Carol Blakely did not deserve
to be prom queen over me
'cause the bitch is bow-legged!
(g*nsh*t firing)
Okay, all right, all
right, that's enough.
Okay, okay, all right, okay.
Yeah, okay, all right.
Yeah, you shot
the bow-legged bitch.
Let's go.
Come on now, let's go eat.
Mm-hm.
You know,
all this releasing
has me really hungry.
(both chattering)
(upbeat holiday music)
(family laughing)
Yeah, all righty now.
[Leticia] Oh um.
Oh, well, Pops, Pops,
Leticia, she doesn't eat meat.
What?
Everybody eats a little
meat every now and then,
especially at Christmas.
Come on now.
Oh, uh, with
all due respect, um,
I just don't believe in
k*lling animals for food.
Oh.
I just think it's unjust.
So you gonna disrespect
a chef in his own house
and his own kitchen?
Listen, come on now.
Everybody's entitled to,
to their opinion, right?
- Mm, mm-hm.
- Mm-hm.
Yeah, I guess.
Pass and disrespect a chef
in his own house and kitchen,
that's a little
rude if you ask me.
Mm, Mm, Mm.
I think you should
at least try it.
Okay, okay.
Um, well, what is it?
I mean.
Well, I like to
call it improbable meat.
Oh.
Oh, that's so sweet of you
that you went
and did this for me.
Oh, and you know,
and you told them to.
You are a great Christmas date.
Go ahead,
Ms. Cosmo, give it a taste.
I will.
And you know what it's
like, it smells really good.
[Poppa] Mm-hm.
(Riri chuckles)
[Leticia] Mm-hm.
She's skinny,
but she ain't eat.
Like that, huh?
So you don't
know what brand it is?
Oh, oh, no, no.
Don't care about
the brand, see just,
we care about
the spices and the.
Mm.
This is really good.
See, she likes it.
Baby girl,
you just ate possum.
(whimsical music)
(Riri laughs)
It's clean.
I caught it down
there by the river.
It aint road k*ll.
At least it wasn't squirrel.
Hey.
Hey, that spice over here.
Pass me that baby.
Give it to your momma, boy.
Pass that over here.
[Riri]
There's people starving.
[Poppa] You know, possum,
they eat a lot of plants.
(whimsical music)
(Cecee knocking on door)
- Ooh, my girl is here.
- Hello.
[Momma Dee] Amen!
- Merry Christmas.
- Amen.
Baby.
Aw, thank you.
Oh, hey, hey, Merry
Christmas to you, too.
Cecee's here, y'all!
Now the party started.
And the party can start
'cause I brought you your fave
and you do not have
to share with anyone.
Oh, aren't you just
the most precious thing.
And you like,
beef brisket, don't ya?
You even have to ask, Momm.
- Jarvis.
- Cecilia.
It's been a minute.
Yeah, it indeed it has.
Yes.
Congratulations
on another season.
Another losing season.
Oh yeah, it's been atrocious.
But God is good.
That's, that's what's important.
God is love.
Right, right.
I gotta go check on Leticia.
Oh, that's my
date for Christmas.
The one I, the one
I actually came with.
- Date?
- Mm-hm.
To Christmas?
Wow, can't wait to meet her.
That's why we're here.
- Hi Cecee.
- Oh!
Uh, she's vomiting in
the bathroom right now.
Oh, okay.
It's, it's food poisoning.
- Possum.
- Yeah, okay.
(Jarvis knocking on door)
How you doing in here?
Ugh, your family
doesn't like me.
I've tried to keep it cool,
but this is, just isn't fair.
My family doesn't hate you.
I mean, just a bit uptight.
Just loosen up, that's all.
What do you mean I'm uptight?
'Cause I don't want animal
carcass in my teeth,
that makes me uptight?
My mom's beef brisket, trust
me, it's worth the flossing.
I promise you.
Listen, this better be
one hell of a story, okay?
'Cause your family is
putting me through hell.
Wow.
That's, that's amazing.
What are you laugh, what
are you, what is funny?
What, what could
be funny right now?
You're actually
cute when you're angry.
Finally, I get a chance to see
some real emotion out of you.
A glimpse of
who the real Leticia is.
See, my whole career is
about reading people.
I can read the defense.
I can read
the linebacker's eyes,
the coaches' interactions
with the rival team.
But you I couldn't quite read.
But now, I see something.
Oh, you haven't
seen anything yet.
I'm gonna get
through this dinner
and you're
gonna give me my story.
And after this
meeting, we're done.
(light music)
I bet, can you imagine?
That girl is lost.
She actually thinks
that she's better than
the rest of us folks.
Well, your son did
always like that type.
I always thought he was
rebelling against his upbringing.
- Well you know something?
- Hm?
He ain't gonna never find
a woman better than you.
You're sweet, you're loyal,
and you always bring his
mama her favorite wine.
Pour me up a little bit more.
Ooh, yes ma'am.
Momma Dee,
what we had is long gone.
You know, that was like
hometown high school romance.
Yeah, it was
college romance, too.
Uh-huh, not smart of
me to break up with him
right before the draft.
No, I was scared.
I just wanted
like a regular man,
not a pro
superstar athlete, you know?
I should have just
encouraged his dreams.
I was wrong.
Was wrong, incredibly stupid,
and you missed
out on a lot of money.
Thank you.
- Idiot.
- Momma.
(Momma Dee chuckling)
You know I love you, but you
don't have to be that honest.
Like you could lie to me.
Well,
you know, I love you, too.
And ain't
nobody coming up in here
bringing me no
grand babies but you.
I'm gonna make sure of it.
Momma Dee, you are crazy.
No, no, I'm okay.
Momma Dee, look at me.
I'm at peace, okay?
I made a mistake,
but that's the way the
world works sometimes.
I'm gonna show you how the
world works because you and me,
we gonna make sure
that we get that Madison
Avenue heifer out the picture.
I'm gonna make sure of it.
That does not sound good.
You got a plan, don't you?
Watch and see.
(laughs) You feeling better?
I am actually.
Thank you.
Hmm.
What kind of shoes are those?
Italian,
difficult to pronounce.
Oh, you think
you got it like that?
Actually I do.
Hmm, well I'm thinking
that you just want my brother's
money and I don't like you.
Well, you do know that
I have my own money, okay?
What was that?
I got moves.
Oh, word?
Show me.
Let me see it.
No, I don't need
any help with my moves.
- I don't wanna help.
- I know how to bring.
- I just wanna see it.
- Whatever.
- Mm, hey.
- How's it going?
Yeah, something, you
can go buy you a coat.
(both chuckling)
(both chattering)
(whimsical music)
All right,
so we'll be in touch.
Make sure you gimme a call.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Mm, Mm, Mm, yes sir.
Ooh, so
you mister trick daddy now.
I'm about to show you
something real quick.
Girl, let me
tell you something,
I don't need no
help with my moves, okay?
All right, all right.
Well, what you know about this?
Yeah, throw it back, back
Wait, no hands
Bust it wide open
do it on a handstand
It's in rotation 'cause
by bank, for days
We gon' throw a stack, stack
Pop a rubber band
Pop, pop, pop, pop,
pop, pop, pop, pop, pop
I'm a throw it back, back
Wait, no hands
But it wide open
do it on a handstand
Mm!
Damn, Unc, I ain't know
you was a player like that.
Mind your business,
nephew, all right?
So uh, yeah, don't tell
anybody you actually saw that.
Just be quiet,
keep it low, you know?
Pretend you Stevie
Wonder, you didn't see it.
Okay?
- Wow, Big Poppa.
- Mm-hm.
Right out here on the
front yard too, huh?
Boy, go in
the house, all right?
Hey uh, you do have some of
that medicinal uh, you know,
spinach you got there?
- Just for the family.
- Yeah!
Yeah, get my shit on.
Where everybody at?
Slim here.
Oh my goodness! (laughs)
Hey!
Ooh, Lord have mercy.
My favorite nephew.
He's here.
Well, how's the tour going?
It's going good.
I mean, it's rough though.
Well, well, well,
I'm, you know, I know.
It got, gotta
be brutal out there.
I've been here
about a lot of deaths.
Man, it's not good
for the culture, either.
Ooh.
But you know, I stay strapped.
Me too.
(both laughing)
But look, uh you know,
I'm not no snitch
or nothing like that,
and I'm your blood,
so feel me on this.
You need to watch
what's going on outside
on the side door over there.
But you ain't hear that from me.
Yeah, all right then.
Well, well, listen.
Go on in there.
Jarvis and them in there.
All right?
And, and,
go say hello to everybody.
The food be
ready in a minute, okay?
- Perfect, perfect.
- All right, baby.
Ooh.
What do I hear?
(Riri laughs)
Go ahead!
Woo, sheesh!
Hey, Slim.
What up?
Who's this?
Oh.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Leticia.
- Leticia, I'm, my pleasure.
- Yeah.
Who is this?
Oh, this is our cousin, Slim.
He's like a hot local rapper.
Oh.
First off, regional.
I'm in three states now.
- Three states.
- Yeah, regional, regional.
That's sexy.
Well, we love
him all the same.
Especially when he is
not in prison for dr*gs,
as*ault, and maybe a
little attempted m*rder.
Manslaughter.
Stop telling
the girl my business.
I'm not gonna-
When I pull out the heat...
I put 'em to sleep, ah!
What's up, cuz?
'Cuz, what up, what up, man?
Hey.
It's good seeing you.
Look good, too.
Look, sorry about
that interception, man.
That was tough.
But look, I lost
$1,000 on that game,
so you know I'm gonna
need that back, right?
Ah yeah, whatever, man.
Who's this?
That's Leticia.
That's my date
for Christmas dinner.
But um, she was actually just
leaving my sister's bedroom
because why would she even
be here the first place?
- Right, right.
- Slim, give me a second.
Just, quick.
What?
- Come here.
- What?
Just to make it clear,
I won that twerk contest.
- I'm in love.
- No, you're not.
What?
What is wrong?
What you doing?
What am I doing?
I don't understand.
I bring you over here to
act civilized and bougie,
and you in the back
twerking with the best.
Beautiful and possibly stupid.
What are you doing?
Well, you're the one
that said I was uptight.
Okay, I thought you
needed to see that side.
Plus, I'm tired of your
sister giving me the side eye.
Oh, so twerking
fixes that somehow?
Twerking fixes everything.
You should try it.
Look, I just need for
you to get through dinner,
all right?
Then me and you,
we can be done with this.
'Cause my momma, momma,
her cognitive thinking
ain't working right.
So I don't need for
her to be more stressed
than what she already is.
Do you get it?
You should have this
authority on the football field.
Oh, just get through dinner.
That's it.
Pops.
Yeah?
What you doing, man?
It's, it's Christmas.
Lay off the work.
Hey, man, gotta keep the
place spic and span, you know,
before we start making changes.
Oh, man, I, I knew it.
Y'all getting a divorce?
Oh, no, boy.
What's wrong with you?
You play football
without your helmet on.
You got CTE?
No, that's not it.
Then what is it, man?
Truth is, I'm selling
the place, all right?
You know, me and your
mother, we gonna downsize.
It's just, we'd like to get
a place down by the beach.
A nice little condo.
We don't need
this much house anymore.
It's too much to clean up.
It's just, it's too much.
So you're
selling our family home?
Our, our.
Let's see, you helped put
some money in on this?
No, boy, I was down in
manholes for 25 years,
taking care of
business, all right?
I didn't need none of your
little football money.
Come on now,
Pops, you can't do that.
What about Riri?
What, what about Riri?
She's 29 years old, boy.
She needs to
take care of herself.
Get her own family.
Well, have
you at least told Momma?
No and you not
gonna either, all right?
Don't get sacked out here
in this front yard, boy.
I will do it, linebacker style.
Pops, that ain't right.
Oh, okay.
I tell you,
you ain't gonna come in my house
telling me about what's right
and what's wrong, all right?
I'm the father.
I raised you, boy.
I'm the daddy, all right?
Three years old, I put
a football in your hand.
I taught you how to throw,
how to tackle, all right?
I'm the one
that told you to man up
when you came home crying
like a little punk.
"Oh, daddy, they hurt
me in practice today."
I said, "Keep going, man up!"
And you know what,
manning up means you get outta
my business and mind yours.
Whatever, man.
You know,
I always wondered why you
treated me different than Justin.
I thought maybe now you would
be proud of me or something.
You know, treat me
with a little respect
and talk to me like a man.
You can't even
look me in my face.
(plane engine whirring)
Don't get
yourself in trouble now.
I told you,
I'm about that life.
It's always
the good girls, I swear.
You might wanna slow down.
That ain't no punk.
I ain't no punk.
I could see that.
So where you from?
Originally,
I'm from Norfolk, Virginia.
But my mom and dad split
up when I was a kid
and then my mom moved up north.
So I, I kind of feel
like I'm a southern girl
with like a east coast
vibe, if that makes sense.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, sure.
Just hit it again.
Right.
Ooh.
So what about you?
- Me?
- Yeah.
Honestly,
I was born and raised here.
I mean, Momma Dee
practically raised me.
She's my mom's sister.
Oh.
My mom had a lot of
mental health problems
and I never knew my pops.
What do you mean, had?
She died about 10 years ago.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Right after Justin.
Wait, Justin?
Oh yeah, Justin.
See he was actually
the, the football star.
But once he died in that
motorcycle accident, man,
it just kind of sent the
whole family in the spiral.
Jarvis left to the NFL,
left everything behind.
So that's why
he's always so angry?
Nah, he's been
like that, you know?
- Yeah, I can see that.
- Yeah.
Anyways, I like that
twerking you was doing.
Oh God.
I, I don't, I, I don't
know what came over me.
Like, that girl just gets
under my skin, you know?
Trust, I know.
Yeah, she's
just like, what is it?
Like, I think
she needs more vegetables.
Who knows?
(both laughing)
Mm-hm.
Marcus, huh?
Yeah, well, you know?
[Riri] Y'all want me out?
Baby girl,
what are you talking about?
I'm gonna
give you guys a second
and just check some emails.
Baby girl,
come, come, come in.
Talk to me.
Now I know I've been
staying here too long,
but it's our home
and I feel safe here.
What, I'm supposed to feel
bad for wanting to feel safe?
Listen, I know when Justin
died, it was hard on you.
And you may feel like the,
the world was
a scary place to be.
But you're a strong woman.
You come from
a line of strong black women
and you can find the courage
to venture out on your own.
Baby, you deserve
to have a full life.
You got this.
You and Poppa, Jarvis,
y'all are all I got.
I feel like I need to stay
here and protect y'all.
Now come on now.
We gonna always be
close because we family.
But me and your daddy wanna
walk around here butt naked
if we so desire and
you cramping our style,
if you know what I mean.
Mom, please.
I, I, we didn't need to do that.
Well, I got
another go around in me.
Oh, Mom, please.
I, uh, we're not
gonna do this right now.
Well that is if
your daddy act right.
Right now he got
some stuff going on
that ain't making me
feel all warm and fuzzy.
Yeah, you,
yeah, you do need to talk
'cause he's
holding some secrets.
Is that right?
Yeah, but you guys can
talk about that later.
Come on, come on, come on.
Tell me what's going.
Not my business.
It's like none of my business
at that point, you feel me?
Ooh, just like her daddy.
(upbeat holiday music)
(upbeat holiday music continues)
Santa I've
been good this year
Make your list
and check it twice
I'll leave
you a note right here
Underneath
the Christmas lights
Carols and
bells, none of them help
I still feel good
I just wanna fall in
love with Christmas
So how you been?
I've been good.
Just doing uh, my gardening
videos, selling things online.
- Mm.
- Making a decent living.
Just a simple life.
Yeah.
Well, you don't know how
good you actually got it
with the simple life.
Mm.
'Cause trust me, all these
flashy lights, cameras,
paparazzi, and people
all up in your business.
It's not what it's
all cracked up to be.
I think I'd hate it if everyone
saw every mistake I made
front and center too.
Yeah, well try
making a ton of them.
Mm-hm, 'cause
you do, don't you?
We all do.
And to be honest,
I know I made a huge
one when it came to you.
Though I don't ever admit it.
Well, I'm glad you know that.
Come on now.
I mean, just remind me of home
every time I see you, Cecee.
Just embody everything
that's good about this place.
Honest, sweet, pure.
Pure and simple, right.
Yeah.
We were something, wasn't we?
Yeah, we were.
I've been through a lot with
your crazy self, you know?
Thick and thin.
You remember when
I stole Pop's Cadillac
and I couldn't get the
gear out of first gear?
Literally ground that thing
all the way to the movies.
Just like, I don't even
know how he got there.
My pops told me,
oh, when I got back,
I just remember everything.
Every time I think
about it, I came back,
he opened that door.
He had that big old leather
belt that rolled out
like toilet tissue.
It was like.
(both making pop sounds)
Yeah.
Yeah, Pops is crazy.
Yeah, good times.
But everything got so serious.
Yeah, indeed it did.
Yeah.
You ever,
do you ever think about us?
Every day.
Every single day.
Come here.
(whimsical music)
(Riri screaming)
Oh!
Sorry girl,
that was some b*mb ass weed.
He got a lot of swag.
What?
I bring you to my mom's house
and this is what you do?
You know what?
And I was just starting
to have feelings for you.
Cee.
Slim, outside now.
Hurry up!
Get out here, man.
What the hell is
wrong with you, man?
Up at my momma house?
God, man, I swear to God, Slim.
Do you just
want these hands, man?
Come on.
Come on, man.
I am not finna fight my cousin.
Plus, I'm way too
high for that right now.
But Slim, why?
And, and, and on my sister's,
your cousin Riri's bed?
Slim, that's weird.
I know, I know, I know.
You know my flesh is weak,
plus she was so ready.
Oh really, she was ready?
She was and
she smelled so good.
Oh, what
she smelled like she like?
Like Chanel No. 5.
Chanel No. 5?
Man, I was telling you about
them girls, that Chanel.
Chanel-
I tried to tell y'all.
Shut up, Slim.
This was your chance, huh?
You always
wanted to take my spot.
Be the darling of this family.
Mister big time local,
oh, oh, no, no, no, no,
I'm sorry, regional rapper.
You just never
wanna let me shine.
Let you shine?
Yo, there's enough shine
for all of us, man.
You tripping.
You ain't been
the same since Justin died.
Hey, lemme tell you something.
Don't you bring him up.
You understand?
It needs to be brought up.
You over here acting like
you better than everybody.
Y'all wasn't even the same.
You too caught up in your own BS
to even realize that as your
cousin, I looked up to you.
Really, man?
Yeah, man.
You caught your dreams, man.
I can only wish to be as
disciplined and as focused as you.
I mean, even after losing
your $1,000 to my interception?
Sure, I lost a stack and
you threw an interception
but Joe Montana
threw picks, man.
Yeah, he did, didn't he?
He had a lot of 'em, too.
A lot.
Yeah.
Huh, just for real, man.
I don't get it.
You're amazing.
What's wrong with being you?
Thank you, cousin.
Any time, love you.
Love you, too.
Look here, you gonna
clean my sister's sheets.
Evidence gone, DNA, I swear to.
I'm gonna come in there
with a black light later on.
Better be gone, all right?
Scout's honor.
Slim, don't you ever
disrespect me again.
You my favorite
cousin and rapper now.
I wanna, I don't want
to have to come back in
to test them
street creds, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When the ops
pull out the heat.
We put 'em to sleep!
All right.
Okay, all right?
Oh, okay, okay.
I see all your reflexes.
Thank God,
'cause I thought I was
gonna have to whip your ass
in front of Momma Dee's house.
Kinda cold out here, too.
NFL player think
I'm gonna whoop his
'cause he in the NFL, what?
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
All right and a little
rabbit food for you.
Oh, thank you.
That's really nice.
Hey, hey, hey.
All right, there you go.
Not before
we say grace, heathen.
Y'all coulda
at least got a room.
Look, my bad, okay?
You know I got
a soft spot for thugs.
I'm, I'm sorry, Momma.
[Poppa] Not before
we say grace, heathen.
Wait, where's Cecee?
Who's Cecee?
Look y'all, hold on.
- Cecee gonna eat?
- Man, we hungry.
- Who's Cecee?
- Let's just pray without him.
Cecee-
No, we can't do that.
[Riri] I touched it.
Cecee, come on.
Cecee, please, wait.
Cecee, wait.
Cecee, wait!
Cecee!
Jarvis, please.
Can you go back and be
with your family, okay?
It's Christmas.
Cecee, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't give us any closure.
I just left and I know I,
I was stupid
back then, I was young.
But I know now.
But that's what you're
looking for, right?
That's what you wanted.
Some high class,
bougie city girl
who gonna sleep with your cousin
in your momma's
house on Christmas?
I waited for you and I prayed
that you would come back,
but you were too busy chasing
and see you already had
a pot of gold at home.
Yeah, you're right.
You're absolutely
right and I was,
that's all I've been doing is,
searching and trying to find
something that wasn't me.
And they're not you.
None of them are you.
I just don't
believe you anymore.
Then don't.
You don't have to believe
anything I'm saying right now.
Please, just come
back and eat with us.
And, and look,
we can take this part slow.
You can watch me, you can
watch all of my actions.
And, if you'll have me, maybe
I can have another chance,
and I promise that I can
make this right again.
Jarvis, you broke my heart.
I love you.
I love you, Cecilia.
And um, I'm my daddy's
son, so a man gotta eat.
(Cecee sniffles)
Well I'm gonna come back for
dinner, because I'm hungry.
And I love you.
But you're not getting any.
You coming?
That's fair enough, yeah.
(light upbeat music)
(light upbeat music continues)
(family chattering)
(upbeat music)
(family chattering)
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music fades)
(water rushing)
Mm, this is good.
You are ignoring my question.
Oh, did I fake?
No, I fake, I for real proposed.
(tense music)
Jarvis Latavian Porter Senior!
Hey, what, what, what?
You disgust me.
[Jarvis] What?
What's going on now?
What's the problem?
What did I do?
What are you talking about now?
Oh no, don't try
to play stupid with me.
I've seen what you've been doing
and I tried to let it slide.
I said,
"Oh, well, well maybe it's the
side effects of the Viagra."
"I, I, he, he needs a little
bit more stimulation."
"Oh, it'll pass."
And it didn't.
It didn't.
- Dolly, come on now, Dolly.
- Mom, put that g*n down.
40 Years.
40 years of my life.
40 years.
I had a body like Serena,
a face like Kelly.
Mm-hm.
And I gave it all to you.
40 years.
And look what you did to me.
I gave you a beautiful family.
You must have lost your marbles
down one of them manholes.
[Poppa] Now look-
- In front of my
home on Christmas?
Jarvis, I will
take you outta here!
- Oh!
- Whoa, Momma.
- Okay, listen, Dolly.
- Ma, Ma, Ma.
Dolly, Dolly,
Dolly, Dolly, listen.
Okay, now wait a minute.
No, no, no.
You tell it to God, because
I ain't listening to it.
Yes you,
listen, I can explain.
I'm just saying listen, listen.
You, you talking
about Shirley, right?
Shirley who?
She's a real
estate agent, okay?
Oh, so now you got a
professional, professional woman.
- No, you-
- Shut up!
You told me.
"Oh, honey, honey, stay,
stay home, stay home."
"Take care of the babies."
"I'm a traditional man."
Traditional my ass, Jarvis.
I saw you out there!
I do, I do.
Listen, listen!
Okay, she's a real estate
agent because I needed one
because I, I sold the house.
I told him.
I sold the house, okay?
I bought us
a house down by the beach.
A nice little condo.
I mean, Dolly baby, look.
Okay, the papers, they're,
they're right under
the tree baby, please.
So you're kicking me out.
[Family] You're 29.
In two months.
Ah!
See.
Let me see, don't you move.
[Slim] Don't go down.
(family chattering)
No, okay, oh.
Ma, Ma, put it,
put the, angle downward.
Oh.
Oh yeah, oh.
Oh, it say he bought me a house.
Oh, June Bug.
You were being all kind
and considerate, oh.
Thank you, baby.
Just wanna spend my,
spend my life with you.
Yeah, mm.
You gonna get some
for Christmas, okay?
Okay.
(g*nsh*t firing)
(family screaming)
Y'all so dog gone scary!
Yeah, y'all is scary.
[Riri] Oh, Momma Dee.
Pick it up for me, boo.
- Aw.
- I got it, I got it.
Can I see the house?
- Yeah, yeah, here.
- Can I see?
Look at that, look, look.
Look at that.
Oh, come on.
- It's actually really nice.
- Oh, that's sweet.
But you're
really kicking me out.
I mean, yeah.
Sell the g*n.
Daddy, don't give that to me.
Show him, Jarvis.
Jarvis gonna buy you one, too.
Jarvis!
I'm trying!
Stop, stop.
Oh.
Gimme the g*n, I got you.
Yeah take, take, take
that thing somewhere.
Take it somewhere.
Give me that damn g*n.
[Jarvis] All
right, just take the g*n.
- Jarvis, Jarvis.
- Yes?
[Momma Dee] You gonna buy
her home like this, too.
I am.
(couple laughing)
Yeah, I know.
Well, thank
you for walking me home.
I don't think I've slept on
your mom's couch since like,
high school, yeah.
Yeah, high school.
Yeah, wow.
Well, home safe, so.
Guess I'll talk to you later.
Yeah.
You know, if you read defenses
the same way you read women,
I'm not
surprised you're retiring.
(light music)
(people chattering)
Uh-huh.
What?
And what did you say?
Girl, I mean,
what's wrong with me living
and being a little free?
I mean, who cares if they
slut shame me, you know?
It's not just for the guys.
Okay, look, do you think
I should do it or not?
Girl, you know what I say.
Live and let live, okay?
Exactly, girl, that's why I,
that's why you're my friend.
Okay, that is
why I love you, girl.
Girl, I'll talk to you later.
Bye.
Woo.
(light music)
(light music continues)
(phone ringing)
Hello?
Hi, Burman.
Um, look, um,
I have something
that I need to tell you.
You can take
that job and shove it.
And I'm not
giving you that story
and I'm not even coming back.
And you know what?
You smell like dirty socks.
What are you gonna do?
Where are you gonna go?
[Slim] Tell him.
Where am I gonna go?
Do you know you are talking
to the new head of publicity
for the Slim Porter
regional tour.
- We about to glow up!
- Glow up.
Look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I mean, it's been real,
but I'm sure
you'll find somebody else.
Always such
fun talking to you.
Let's do this again In
the next millennial.
Ha ha!
He don't even know.
No, not at all.
This is about
to be huge, baby.
- Big tour, big tour.
- Yeah.
First of all,
I think we get a bus.
Yeah.
I think we should do an RV.
Ooh, that's sexy.
(smooth music)
I guess I lied.
Yeah.
Well, I guess
this is it for now?
Yeah.
I mean, well, you know,
you can always do
gardening up north.
Since I'm about to
be newly retired, I um,
I think I can learn a new hobby.
Are you asking
me to come with you?
Possibly.
Yeah.
Are you gonna
pay for my movers?
Movers?
Oh no, I was just, you
know, you, you just.
- Oh no, I have the things.
- House, gotta go.
Oh, you're gonna
give me a drawer, huh?
Yeah, one drawer at a time.
I was just.
You know what?
Yes.
- Yeah?
- I'll come with you.
Well um, after
what we did last night,
I kind of already did.
You are so confident.
I know.
All the people I love, babe
Oh.
You wanna make me a double liar.
Uh-huh, double lies.
Oh I
Feel you this Christmas
I feel you babe
And I will
never take for granted
The way you took my hand and
Led me along the path
where I should be
So I put you first
You tell me
that what you're worth
I know nothing comes
close to your ways
So for
that I trust and obey yeah
Your love is
so ample in my life
And I know this,
I know this because
I am surrounded by
all the people I love
There's no
reason to crowd 'cause I
Know that you will hold us
Oh I
Feel you this Christmas
I feel you, hey
Feel you this Christmas
I feel you, hey
Momma Said Come Home for Christmas (2023)
Moderator: Maskath3