Josh: you know the old
Expression, "you can't judge a
Book by its cover"?
Drake: you know, the first time
I met josh, I thought he was
Kinda goofy.
Josh: like the first time I met
Drake. I didn't think he was the
Friendliest guy.
Drake: I was havin' lunch at
School.
Josh: I saw drake havin' lunch
At the cool kids' table.
Drake: and this kid josh comes
Up to me and says, "hey, there!
Want to see a magic trick?!"
Josh: so, to show him I was
Cool, I did this magic trick
Where I make olives
Disappear...up my nose!
Drake: and then josh takes
Olives and shoves 'em right up
His nose.
Josh: so there I am with a nose
Full of olives...
Drake: and they got stuck up
There.
Josh: and somehow, they got
Wedged up in my sinus cavity.
Drake: yeah, so josh starts
Yelling...
Josh: so I start screaming...
Both: "help me!"
Josh: "help me!"
Drake: "I can't get the olives
Outta my nose!"
Josh: "someone get these olives
Outta my nose!"
Drake: well, a few years later,
My mom married his dad.
Josh: but then in ninth grade,
My dad married his mom.
Drake: yeah, josh and I became
Brothers.
Josh: now, drake and I are buds,
So I guess the point is...
Drake: yeah, but the real point
Is...
Josh: you don't really know
Somebody until you really get to
Know 'em.
Drake: there's nothin' funnier
Than a fourth grade goob with
Than a fourth grade goob with olives stuck up his nose.
Olives stuck up his nose.
Olives stuck up his nose. [Alarm]
[Alarm]
Josh: goooooooooooood
Mooooooooooooooooorning,
Brotha!
Brotha! [Loud hip-hop music playing]
[Loud hip-hop music playing]
[Loud hip-hop music playing] josh: wake up!
Josh: wake up!
Drake: what are you doing?!
[Music off]
Josh: come on, don't you know
What today is? It's the regional
Science fair.
Drake: [gasps] wow, really?!
The regional science fair?!
Well, I'm gonna have to buy a
New outfit.
Anyway, I thought you hated the
Science fair since you always
Come in second place.
Josh: yeah, that's 'cause every
Year, I lose to mindy crenshaw,
But she's still in that mental
Institution. Remember last year
When she tried to get you
Suspended from school?
Drake: oh. Don't remind me.
I hate that girl.
Josh: but who cares, right?
'Cause after straight years of
Losin', my time has come!
Ya hear that, san diego?!
Josh nichols' time has come!
Josh nichols' time has come! Sure look outside--whoa--ohh!
Sure look outside--whoa--ohh!
Drake: so your project's about
Gravity?!
♪ I never thought
That it'd be so simple,
But
I found a way, I found a way,
If you open up your mind,
It's gonna take some time
To realize,
But if you look inside,
I'm sure you'll find,
Over your shoulder,
You know that I told you
I'll always be picking you up
When you're down,
So just turn around,
So just turn around, ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
Drake: aw, josh, another giant
Magnet?
Josh: no, it happens to be the
Biggest electromagnet I've ever
Made.
Drake: what's this remote
Control thingy?
Josh: oh, that's how you
Activate the magnet.
Marta: oh, hey, josh, um,
I'm having a problem with my
Virtual reality helmet. Do you
Think you could try it on and
Tell me if you see jupiter?
Tell me if you see jupiter? Josh: sure. I love jupiter.
Josh: sure. I love jupiter.
[Helmet beeps]
Josh: huh. All I see are stars.
Marta: yeah, I don't know what's
Wrong. It was working last
Night.
Drake: so you turn the magnet on
By pressing this red button?
[Beep]
Josh: ow!
Turn it off! Turn if off!
Turn it off!
Turn it off! [Beep]
[Beep]
Marta, c-could I speak to jake
Marta, c-could I speak to jake privately for a sec?
Privately for a sec?
Ok, um, get out of here.
Drake: come on.
Josh: no, I'm serious, all
Right? You know how much this
Day means to me. I-i've
Entered the science fair ever
Since I was and I've lost to
Mindy crenshaw every single
Year. I can finally win.
Mindy: I wouldn't count on that,
One, josh.
Josh: aah!
Drake: mindy?
Josh: mindy?! How did you--
Wh-where did you--
When'd you--when--
Mindy: will you be completing
Any of these questions?
Josh: I thought you were locked
Josh: I thought you were locked up in the cuckoo hut!
Up in the cuckoo hut!
Mindy: it was a mental
Rehabilitation clinic.
Drake: so you've come back to
Try and get me suspended again?
Mindy: no, I am here to resume
My school work and to, more
Importantly, b*at josh in the
Science fair--again.
Josh: no, all right, no, ma'am.
I will not be beaten by you
Again, mindy.
Mindy: oh, josh, haven't you
Learned by now that I can
Outsmart you whenever I want?
Josh: you cannot.
Mindy: say "fort."
Josh: fort.
Mindy: now say it times.
Josh: fort, fort, fort.
Mindy: spell it twice.
Josh: f-o-r-t, f-o-r-t.
Mindy: say it more times.
Josh: fort, fort.
Mindy: now what do you eat soup
With?
Josh: ha ha, a fork! Ha ha!
Mindy: really? 'Cause I eat soup
Mindy: really? 'Cause I eat soup with a spoon.
With a spoon.
Drake: see, if you ate soup with
A fork, the liquid'll just
Fall--
Fall-- josh: I know!
Josh: I know!
Josh: welcome to my magnetic
Field...
Of dreams.
All right.
Now, as you can see, I have
Placed a full can of mocha cola
Directly under my e-normous
Magnet, and now, I will activate
The electrical current, which
Will suck the can up through the
Air a full inches to the
Magnet. Not kiddin'.
Magnet. Not kiddin'. D-rumroll, please.
D-rumroll, please.
And check it out!
And check it out! [Beep]
[Beep]
All: wow, sweet.
[Applause]
Josh: thank you. I "heart"
Magnetism.
Mr. Ferrell: very impressive,
Josh. That's gonna be tough to
b*at. All right, next is
Mindy crenshaw.
Mindy: thank you, mr. Ferrell.
Like my worthy opponent josh,
I also have a great love of
Magnetism.
Drake: she brought a magnet?
Josh: don't worry.
Mindy: and now, my magnet.
Josh: ha ha ha ha!
Drake: that's your magnet?
Josh: how embarrassing.
Mindy: yeah, not really.
A -pack of mocha cola.
Observe.
Observe. [Beep]
[Beep]
Mr. Ferrell: wow...mindy.
That was the best we ever had.
That was the best we ever had. Mindy: yes, yes, I know.
Mindy: yes, yes, I know.
Mindy: yes, yes, I know. [Beep]
[Beep]
[Beep] [beep]
[Beep]
[Beep] [beep]
[Beep]
[Beep] [beep]
[Beep]
[Beep]
Megan: yeah, why date girls when
You can just sit alone in your
Room doing that?
Josh: sure, kick me when I'm
Down.
Megan: ok, what's wrong?
[Beep]
Josh: you don't care.
Megan: true. See ya.
Megan: true. See ya. [Beep]
[Beep]
Josh: mindy crenshaw is ruining
My life! All right, that's
What's wrong.
Megan: they let her out of the
Wacky shack?
Josh: what am I gonna do?
Megan: look, josh, here's a
Little riddle for ya. If you're
In the street and a truck's
Coming towards you, what do you
Do?
Josh: a spoon!
Megan: what?
Josh: nothing. What do you do?
Megan: you avoid it. You get out
Of the way because if it's you
Against a truck, you're gonna
Lose, josh, and mindy is the
Lose, josh, and mindy is the truck in your life.
Truck in your life.
And if it makes you feel any
Better, I hate mindy just as
Much as you do.
Josh: why is that?
Megan: because she makes your
Life miserable...
Life miserable... And that's my job.
And that's my job.
[Bell rings]
Mindy: hi, josh.
Josh: you are the truck in my
Josh: you are the truck in my life, so I avoid you.
Life, so I avoid you.
Mr. Calvert: all right, class,
Take your seats.
Now, as you know, your oral
Reports are due at the end of
The month. It can be about
Either world w*r i, world w*r
Ii, or any w*r that makes you
Happy.
Boy: will we be working in
Pairs? Because I want eric to be
My partner.
My partner. Eric: no! I am [span]tired[/span]of you!
Eric: no! I am [span]tired[/span]of you!
Mr. Calvert: eric, who would you
Like as your partner?
Eric: I choose melanie.
Boy: what? She does not
Appreciate you!
Mr. Calvert: ok, next up,
Mindy crenshaw. Mindy, pick a
Partner.
Mindy: all right, I pick josh.
Drake: [span]josh?![/Span]
Josh: what?! What--you pick me?!
But then, mr. Calvert--but that
Would mean we were--and then
We--but I don't like--i don't
We--but I don't like--i don't think we--but then we--aah!
Think we--but then we--aah!
Think we--but then we--aah! [Knock on door]
[Knock on door]
Mindy: hi, I'm mindy.
Mindy: hi, I'm mindy. Megan: yeah, I know who you are.
Megan: yeah, I know who you are.
Mindy: uh...i'm here to see
Josh.
Josh. Megan: I know why you're here.
Megan: I know why you're here.
Mindy: is there a problem
Between us?
Megan: I work hard, mindy.
I work hard because I love
What I do, and what I do,
Is harass my brothers, and that
Includes josh.
Mindy: I see.
Megan: do you?
Because I hear that you've been
Harassing josh, and I just want
To know what gives you the
Right?
Mindy: megan--may I call you
Megan?
Megan: no.
Mindy: look...you enjoy
Bothering josh. So do i. We
Share the same goal here, you
Know what I mean?
Megan: I'm listening.
Mindy: josh is in high school,
You're in grade school. That
Means for hours a day, you
Can't get to him, so if I
Harass him at school and you
Harass him at home, we stay out
Of each other's way and josh is
Miserable almost all of the
Time.
Megan: that does sound nice.
Mindy: atta girl.
Drake: hey, hey! Hands off my
Sister's shoulder! I don't want
Her clothes to be all infested
Her clothes to be all infested with mindy germs.
With mindy germs.
Mindy: hey, I'm just impressed
You know the word "infested" and
Used it properly in a sentence.
Drake: come on, megan. Let's go
Burn your shirt.
Josh: what were you two
Talking about?
Mindy: oh, you know, just girl
Stuff. So, uh, if you take a
Look here, you'll see I've
Drawn up a complete work
Schedule, which lays out exactly
When we'll be working together
On that oral report.
Josh: a work schedule?
Mindy: yes, it's color coded so
Even you can understand it.
Josh: wait a sec. What's this
Here? We're working hours a
Night for the next weeks?
Mindy: well, I thought hours a
Night might be too much for your
Smallish brain to handle.
Josh: my "smallish brain" can
Handle plenty! It's my smallish
Eyes that are gonna have trouble
'Cause they gotta look at you.
Yeah, I said it!
Mindy: well, actually, the human
Eyes are technically just
Receptors that pick up visual
Images, which make no sense
Until deciphered by the brain,
Which in your case, happens to
Be smallish.
Josh: why do you have to
One-up me all the time?
What are you--you just get your
Jollies makin' me look dumb?
Mindy: who said I think you're
Dumb? Maybe I happen to think
You're very smart. Maybe I
Just--
Josh: maybe you just what?
Mindy: maybe I just like you.
Mindy: maybe I just like you. Josh: ma--
Josh: ma--
Josh: maybe I just like you,
Too.
Mindy: oh, really?
Josh: yeah. Maybe I've liked you
For a really long time, but
Didn't realize it 'cause I hated
You so much!
Mindy: are you saying you like
Me or not?
Josh: are you sayin' you like me
Or not?
Mindy: I'm saying I like you.
Josh: well, then I'm sayin'
I like you!
Mindy: fine!
Josh: fine!
Mindy: then I guess we're
Boyfriend and girlfriend!
Josh: one condition!
Mindy: what?!
Mindy: what?! Josh: I get to be the boyfriend!
Josh: I get to be the boyfriend!
[Doorbell rings]
[Doorbell rings] josh: it's my...girlfriend!
Josh: it's my...girlfriend!
Josh: hey, there, pretty lady.
Mindy: hey, cupcake.
Josh: may I show you to the
Couch?
Mindy: please. I like your
Shirt.
Josh: I like your face.
Mindy: oh, josh!
You know, we should really get
To work.
Josh: uh, right.
Mindy: well, I don't know about
You, but my favorite w*r has
Always been the one between the
Spaniards and the norwegians,
Which began when king olaf
Insulted the daughter of--
Josh: grar!
Mindy: what's that?
Josh: a present.
Mindy: you got this for me?
Josh: I know how much you like
Sharks.
Mindy: they're my favorite
Ocean predators!
Josh: I know!
Mindy: oh, this is so sweet, but
I didn't get you anything.
Oh. You are definitely a better
Boyfriend than I am a
Girlfriend.
Josh: no. No, you're definitely
A better girl--grr--hey, drake.
Drake: hey, josh. Hello,
Creature.
Josh: um, we were just working
On our--our project.
Drake: oh, yeah? When does that
Prison sentence end?
Josh: ha! Ha ha ha! Oh, drake!
Mindy: josh, he's being very
Mean to me. Say something.
Josh: right.
Um, drake, pretty, uh...
Um, drake, pretty, uh... Pants.
Pants.
Drake: thank you?
Anyway, I'm going to the
Premiere to meet the guys.
Later, josh.
Later, horrible girl.
Josh: ha! Oh, you with the
Comment and the pretty pants.
Where were we? So, uh, I think
That, uh...
Mindy: I cannot believe drake
Would talk that way to his
Brother's girlfriend.
Josh: yeah, well, what are you
Gonna do? So, I think...
Mindy: unless he doesn't know
I'm your girlfriend?
Josh: ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
Ohh, that is [span]rich![/Span]anyway, um...
Mindy: you haven't told him,
Have you?
Josh: well, i...
Mindy: we've been dating for
Weeks and you haven't told
Your brother?
Are you embarrassed of me?
Josh: no. No, no, of course not.
It's just--i'm just afraid of
How drake's gonna take it 'cause
He doesn't exactly...like you.
Mindy: well, I know, but you
And I have feelings for each
Other. It makes me feel really
Weird that you would hide that
From your own family.
Josh: yeah. Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, I'll tell jake about us
Tomorrow.
Mindy: promise?
Josh: promise.
Mindy: you may hug me.
Mindy: you may hug me. Josh: sweet.
Josh: sweet.
Drake: what's up, pacey?
Josh: drake, we gotta talk.
There--there's no easy way to
Say this, but, uh--uh, mindy and
I are boyfriend and girlfriend!
I are boyfriend and girlfriend! [Growls]
[Growls]
Josh: aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Ohh!
Oh, drake, your head's fine.
Drake: you have pretty eyes.
Josh: sorry. I just had a
Nightmare.
Drake: oh, the one where you get
Your foot stuck in the horse?
Josh: no, this one was much
Worse.
Drake: worse than gettin' your
Foot stuck in a horse's--
Josh: look, drake, i...
I gotta talk to you for a sec.
Drake: ok, what's up?
Josh: I'm sorry I had a
Nightmare and woke you up.
I must have had too much pie.
Drake: yeah, how great is pie?
Megan: why was josh screaming?!
Did the eggs hatch?!
Drake: what?
Josh: what eggs?
Josh: what eggs? Megan: oh...nothin'.
Megan: oh...nothin'.
Mindy: so, what did drake say
When you told him we're
Boyfriend and girlfriend?
Josh: oh, uh, just...
"Yay."
Mindy: "yay"? Why would he say
That if he hates me?
Josh: well, you know, it wasn't
Like a "yay!" It was more like
A..."Yay."
Mindy: well, regardless of his
"Yay," I think it was really
Sweet and brave of you to tell
Him.
Josh: thanks.
Mindy: you're really special,
Josh. ♪ Do-do-do-do grr!
Josh: we should probably get
Back to the project.
Mindy: wait, um, you know, josh,
I researched a few relationship
Timing models on the web and,
Um, I've--i've concluded that
Some time in the next - days
We should have our first kiss.
Josh: you know, you don't have
To convince me. I'm on board
With the whole kissing thing.
Mindy: oh, well, excellent.
Josh: I should probably dim the
Josh: I should probably dim the lights.
Lights.
Lights. [Josh coughs]
[Josh coughs]
Josh: ohh!
Look, I didn't tell drake we
Were dating, all right? I'm
Sorry, but I couldn't. I'm
Afraid of what he'll think.
Ohh. There...and I got that off
Ohh. There...and I got that off my chest. Now, we can kiss.
My chest. Now, we can kiss.
Mindy: josh! If you can't tell
Your own brother we're dating,
Then I don't think I can date
You.
Josh: ohh, mindy...
Josh: ohh, mindy... Mindy: I'll see you later.
Mindy: I'll see you later.
[Door opens and closes]
Josh: well, at least I got
Josh: well, at least I got custody of you.
Custody of you.
Josh: drake, we gotta talk.
Drake: what's goin' on?
Josh: mindy and I are dating.
Drake: huh?
Josh: ohh, you hate me. I knew
You would.
Drake: josh...
Josh: and I don't even blame
You, all right? You have every
Right to hate me. After what she
Did to you last year--
Drake: josh...josh! Listen!
I don't hate you.
Josh: but--but you think I'm an
Idiot for dating her.
Drake: no, that's not why I
Think you're an idiot.
Dude, you should date whoever
You want to date. It doesn't
Matter what anybody else
Thinks.
Josh: but...you...
Drake: so I don't like her.
Big deal. I don't like half the
Girls I date.
You know, you're my brother,
Josh, if she makes you happy,
Josh, if she makes you happy, then I'm happy.
Then I'm happy.
Josh: you're the best, you know
That?
Drake: well...yes.
So?
Josh: so?
Drake: joshy's got himself a
Girlfriend.
Josh: [span]had[/span]a girlfriend.
Drake: had?
Josh: yeah. She...she kind of
Broke up with me.
Drake: why?
Did you show her your yo-yo
Collection? Josh, I told you,
It's not cool.
Josh: drake, no. She broke up
With me because I wouldn't tell
You we were dating.
Drake: ohh, ok. I get it. Let's
Go.
Josh: go where?
Drake: to mindy's house.
You're gonna get back together
With her.
Josh: you're gonna help me get
Her back?
Drake: josh, I've been waiting
/ Years for you to get a
Girlfriend, ok? I'm not gonna
Let you blow it on something
Stupid. Come on.
Josh: oh, wait.
Drake: what?
Josh: well, uh, since you're
Helping me with mindy, like when
I went in to kiss her--
Drake: not helping you with
Drake: not helping you with that!
That!
Josh: ohh, I can't do this.
Drake: yes, you can.
Josh: but it's after midnight,
All right? Her parents are
Probably asleep.
Drake: yeah, which is why you're
Gonna climb up there and knock
On her window.
Josh: I don't know. You think
This is really gonna work?
Drake: you think I know about
Girls?
Josh: more than a young man
Should.
Drake: so trust me. Come on.
Drake: so trust me. Come on. Go.
Go.
All right, keep goin'. A little
More. Just get to the top.
Josh: don't! Boundaries!
Josh: don't! Boundaries! I did it! I made it--whoa!
I did it! I made it--whoa!
Josh: yeah, that's good for the
Spine.
Spine. Drake: would you get off of me?!
Drake: would you get off of me?!
Josh: now what am I gonna do?
Drake: here, get on my
Shoulders.
Josh: that's hazardous!
Drake: they're my shoulders,
Drake: they're my shoulders, now hurry.
Now hurry.
Drake: uhh! You high enough?
Josh: yeah, I think so.
Drake: good. Now knock on the
Window and get back together
With her before I suffer
With her before I suffer permanent nerve damage.
Permanent nerve damage.
Josh: hey, mindy.
Mindy: hi. Um, what are you
Doing at my window?
Drake: josh, gettin' kind of
Heavy.
Josh: first I want you to know
That...that I told drake about
Us, that we're dating...were
Dating.
Drake: wrap it up, josh.
Josh: and you were right.
All right, you are smarter than
Me 'cause...'Cause I was dumb
Enough to mess up the first real
Relationship I've ever had...
Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm
Sorry.
Drake: ohh, serious pain now.
Mindy: well, look, I really
Appreciate your apology and I
Accept it, but after what
Happened, I don't really think
We should date anymore.
Josh: oh. Uh, yeah. Yeah, that--
I totally agree.
Mindy: I'm glad you understand.
Josh: uh, yeah, well, I'll see
You later.
Mindy: good night.
Josh: good night.
Mindy: oh, just kiss me!
Josh: sweet!
[Captioned by the national
Captioning institute
Captioning institute --www.ncicap.org--]
--Www.ncicap.org--]
--Www.ncicap.org--] josh: that was awesome!
Josh: that was awesome!
Josh: you filled a rat with
Helium?
Boy: didn't think it possible,
Did ya? Show him eric.
Eric: all righty, you see, by
Filling the rat with helium,
We were able to study the
Effects of--oh! Oh! Oh!
[Rat squeaks]
Boy: nice going, eric!
Eric: oh, look, don't you cop an
Attitude with me, mister!
Just--just--help me find a
Ladder!
Boy: hang on, leonard! Daddy's
Comin'!
[Ding]
[Ding] man: mmm!
03x04 - Mindy's Back
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Series follows two teenage stepbrothers Drake Parker and Josh Nichols as they live together despite opposite personalities.
Series follows two teenage stepbrothers Drake Parker and Josh Nichols as they live together despite opposite personalities.