02x35 - In a Retail Wonderland
Posted: 11/14/23 07:58
:
♪
So, little bunny dude, you
ever heard the one where the
turtle is faster than the
rabbit?
What is the matter with
people?
No returns 'till after
Christmas.
How hard is that?
Hey Jen, how's work going?
Christmas shoppers are evil!
(Heavy breathing)
No, this year, I will be calm.
I bet Coach Halder will be
stoked to hear that!
Don't mention his name!
Whoa, sorry I mentioned
Coach--
(Babbling)
Halder.
(Screaming)
Do you realize, I get a
picture in my head every time
you say his name?
Okay, you've got to chill.
You're freaking out my friend
here.
Aw, where did you get him?
Err...
Hey!
So, this is what it's come
to?
Stealing bunnies.
I thought I looked evil in the
face, but this takes the
Christmas cake.
I'm taking this poor,
defenceless creature back to the
living manger display.
Why is there a bunny in a
manger?
They couldn't get donkeys.
Why doesn't he get a dog,
like a normal cop?
'Sup, J?
Got me a sweet new gig,
that's what.
Doing what?
Since I kicked butt on the
Christmas decorating crew, they
put me on gift wrapping detail.
Hold on, you actually did
well at something?
Heck yes, check it out!
Pretty sweet, huh?
You put up that tree?
And decorated it?
You don't believe me?
BOTH: We believe you.
I gotta get gift wrapping.
Aren't you working, today?
Don't remind me!
'Cause if you late, Coach--
(Mumbling)
Hadler--
(Screaming)
♪
♪ Life begins after school
♪ That's when we bend
all the rules ♪
♪ Time to hang
with all my friends ♪
♪ We like to be together
in a place where we belong ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Starting to find my way
♪ Got a new job
♪ Gonna start at
the mall today ♪
♪ Thank God I'm on my own
for the first time ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Life is sweet
♪ When you're growing up
so fast ♪
♪ You got to make the good
times last ♪
♪
♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen
♪ Got to make the good
times last ♪
My parents are trying to
take me to Acapulco for my
Christmas present.
Wow, that's pretty nice of
them.
Uh, do you remember my
parents?
They're like Christmas elves
on overdrive.
They sing Christmas carols.
My mom does non-stop Christmas
baking, and my dad "Ho-Ho-Ho's"
for the entire month.
I'd love to go somewhere hot.
Hey Nikki, it's always
sizzling at Chez Jonesy.
Note to skin, start crawling.
(Phone ringing)
Thanks for calling Gift Girl,
how can I help you shop?
Yep, I'll have the perfect
present for you this afternoon.
What's with the Gift Girl
thing?
I've started a new business.
Say you're a guy, and you have
no clue what to get your
sweetie.
You call me, and I do the
shopping for you.
You get paid to shop?
Can the world be anymore
perfect?
Gotta shop, see you guys later.
Wait, you're just going to
close the Lemon?
That's the great thing about
working here.
I don't have somebody breathing
down my neck all day like you do
with that annoying Coach Halder.
(Screaming)
He's driving me crazy!
(Crying)
See ya.
Gotta fly.
Check you later.
Okay, you need some serious
chilling out, dude.
And I know just who to call.
Hey Jude, oh, for sure!
I've got some totally relaxing
yoga moves for Jen.
She'll be Zen'd out in no time.
What the?
Okay, who replaced the Titanium
batteries with ordinary Alkaline
ones?
That was all they had at the
Nothing Over A Dollar Store.
They're crap!
Re-catalogue all the foreign
language documentaries pronto
and I may not fire you!
You're late, if you're slacking
off just because it's Christmas,
I'm on to you.
I'll set up the holiday
movies display.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
We don't have any Christmas
movies.
Sure we do.
We have, like, six of them.
Seven if you count this
German docu-drama on Kris
Kringle.
It's narrated by David
Hasselhoff.
Ah?
No display, Christmas movies
suck.
But watching Christmas
classics is a yearly ritual for
lots of people.
Getting a colonoscopy is a
yearly ritual for lots of
people too, but that doesn't
mean I want a colonoscopy
display in my store.
This is such a sweet job!
I look like a totally
sensitive, creative guy.
Chicks love that!
Later.
Need your boat wrapped,
captain?
Umm.
Ahoy, matey!
You have yourself a good day
now, you hear?
Another satisfied customer.
Move along, no loitering in
the mall, maggot.
This is a gift wrapping
table.
And you're a gift wrapper?
Many would say gifted
wrapper.
(Whispering)
What's the money like?
Pretty decent, plus tips.
I'll just make a note of
that.
You raised shopping to an
Olympic art form!
Thanks, I do train a lot.
Chrissy, can you give me a
week off to go on vacation with
my family?
Oh, I wish I could but I
don't like you.
Well, they can't say I
didn't ask.
Hello.
There's our island princess!
What are you doing here?
I told you I'm not coming, just
let me stay with Jen.
Hello young lady.
Excuse me.
We need some wild and crazy
resort wear but I need you to
make sure my wife doesn't spend
all our trip money before we
leave.
(Giggling)
(Sighing)
Here we go.
Did Nikki tell you we are
taking her to Acapulco?
Well, actually we'll be just
outside of Acapulco in the town
of Costa Not Mucha!
(Laughing)
You know, you can save a
bundle by not taking me, Dad.
Now listen, young lady,
what's a Dad have to do to get
his daughter a few days off?
Too bad, they can't spare me,
Dad, it's Christmas, remember?
Just write down what days you
want off, Nikki, and they are
all yours.
Gee, thanks!
Star?
Hey Jen, come in.
Okay, first try the Reaching
Monkey.
Huh?
Good, now try the Preying
Mantis.
(Gasping)
Wow, you're really flexible,
Jen.
Bring it on.
I only have a fifteen minute
break from work.
The next position is Blowing
the Tiger's Mind.
Okay, this is kind of hot.
(Giggling)
What are you doing here,
Jude?
Staring mostly.
Jude's here as part of your
Zen training.
Jen Lotus.
Coach Halder.
Coach Halder!
Coach Halder, Coach Halder,
Coach Halder, Coach Halder!
Wow, you totally stayed calm!
I can't believe it!
I'm de-stressing!
It worked!
This is the best Christmas
present ever!
That was awesome!
Hmm, I wonder what else I can do
for people that doesn't involve
buying stuff?
So Nikki, you planning on
staying under the table all day
'cause I could use a foot rub.
Just let me know if you see
my parents.
Coast is clear.
I know we have a date
tonight, Connor, but work is
really busy now.
Oh Jonesy!
I gotta go.
(Phone clicking)
I need these wrapped in twenty
minutes.
Hold on, if you want these
wrapped individually, then
you're looking at five to seven
hours minimum.
Hey!
We'll have them done for you
in twenty.
We will?
Roger that.
Okay then!
How come you're in on my
action?
Security may look heroic,
glamorous even, but the pay is
noticeably underwhelming and
I've got Christmas presents to
buy.
Now, wrap!
And I'm saying that your %
off coupon has expired, ma'am.
Masterson!
The customer is always right.
So honour that coupon.
You got that, missy?
(Growling)
Just a sec.
I need one more minute in Dragon
Pose.
(Gasping)
Nice work.
And kind of hot.
Is that all you want?
Tape?
I'm making my own Christmas
presents this year.
I tried to make the tape too,
but it's a little trickier than
it sounds.
This is for you, dude.
It's a leather DVD holder for
your belt.
That is the dumbest thing I
ever heard of.
Whoa, that was harsh.
I can't believe you had a
copy of Winter Pudding.
A Christmas classic.
Christmas classic, bah!
(Phone ringing)
Gift Girl.
How can I help--
Connor!
I told you I need to keep my
phone free for customers!
Don't forget the
pre-Christmas Get-Together
tomorrow.
I won't.
(Phone ringing)
Gift Girl--
Connor!
Stop calling me!
Why don't you come to our
pre-Christmas party?
Yeah!
No!
Get back to work.
Connor, come on!
We do so see each other,
sometimes.
Your breaking up with me?
Hello?
Connor?
I can't believe this is
happening.
(Phone ringing)
This is Gift Girl.
How can I help you shop?
(Sighing)
I don't know, I can't decide.
I mean, what difference does it
make?
(Crying)
Are you okay?
No!
I'm not okay!
This should be a no brainer but
just don't care.
Oh my gosh, I think I lost my
will to shop!
Who's your daddy?
Where did you get those
bells?
That's classified.
It takes a man to know how to
use them.
Hey Jonesy!
I have your Christmas present
for you, bro!
All right, thanks Jude!
Made it myself.
It's a Mistletoe hat!
Whenever wear it, and you turn
near a girl, the Mistletoe will
be right over your heads!
She has to kiss you!
This is best gift I ever got,
dude.
Check it out!
(Gasping, screaming)
Watch where you point that
thing, son!
I think I need some space.
Yeah, you go.
Good idea.
I, uh, guess I'll go, too.
I'm worried about Caitlyn.
She hasn't even opened the Lemon
today.
Bummer.
I have a Christmas present to
give her.
It's a personal shopping
transportation device!
It looks like your old
skateboard.
Not just my old skateboard,
my old Alex Chalmer's
skateboard.
We saw some good times, buddy.
(Phone dialling)
I'm going to try her again.
(Phone ringing)
Caitlyn, what are you doing?
I can't shop!
(Groaning)
Okay, calm down.
What do you mean, you can't
shop?
I've lost my retail mojo!
Connor broke up with me.
Who's Connor?
My boyfriend.
When did you get a boyfriend?
I've been too busy shopping
to introduce him to you.
Oh, this is the first time
shopping has ever caused a break
up!
Come on, you've got to get
your mind off this.
(Sniffing)
What are you doing?
Mulling spices.
They give the store a Christmas
vibe.
Good, 'cause I've decided
we're going to be opened
Christmas Day.
What?
Yeah, you were right.
People really eat up this
holiday crap.
Be in early to serve up more of
that Christmas vibe.
You look like Santa just
brought you a bag of barf.
This is just not right!
Where is your heart!
Your holiday spirit!
WAYNE: Bah humbug!
I baked some Christmas
cookies.
We've got short bread Uzis,
chocolate grenades, and
gingerbread security men.
I'll take gingerbread
security man.
Hmm.
♪ (Kazoo playing carols)
Come on, you have to help me
think up a way I can bail on my
folks.
It's Connor!
Huh?
♪ (Kazoo playing carols)
(Whispering) That's him.
That's Connor.
The one with the antlers?
He said he had a part time
job.
I didn't know it was that bad.
Caitlyn, I know it will take
some time, but you'll get over
him eventually.
How can he wear antlers?
This coming from someone who
wears a lemon head to work?
I used to think he was so hot
and now, he's just antler guy.
Guys all over this mall are
counting on me to find the
perfect present.
Am I going to tell them I didn't
find it because of some goof in
an antler hat?
Uh, no?
You bet I won't!
Oh, thank you for helping me get
over him, Nikki!
You're the best!
No problem.
Gift Girl has work to do and
the first person I'm helping is
you!
(Gasping)
A spray on tanning store?
What did you say you're
getting your parents for
Christmas?
A book on art?
Nuh-uh, new plan.
You're going with them to
Acapulco!
No way.
Listen to me, your parents
are planning this trip for you.
You can't stay behind.
You'll have a crappy time and
you'll break their hearts.
Sometimes accepting a gift is
the same as giving a gift.
Huh, that actually makes
sense.
Now, get in there,
girlfriend, and get sprayed so
you don't blind everyone on the
beach.
(Snoring)
Uh, Wayne?
(Grunting)
We're going on a break.
(Yawning, snoring, mumbling)
(Grunting)
Hey.
(Screaming)
Who and what are you?
I am the ghost of Christmas
past.
Your past and I want to show you
something.
(Clicking)
Hey, that's me!
I used to watch movies all day
long as a kid.
You peed your pants during
that movie.
Yeah, yeah, I didn't want to
miss anything so I'd never go to
the bathroom.
Did that boy want to grow to
be mean and bossy?
No.
No, he didn't.
Two other spirits will visit
you.
(Clicking)
WYATT: Come over here, Wayne.
Are you--
The ghost of Christmas
present.
Look.
That's me!
Look at you today.
You may not pee in your pants,
but you're a mean, crusty,
bossy, sarcastic, jerk of a
boss, who makes us work on
Christmas.
Hey, are you here to teach me
a lesson or insult me, buddy?
Sorry.
What you need to learn about is
the real meaning of Christmas.
Wait, wait!
Dude!
(Screaming)
Are you the Ghost of
Christmas yet to come?
Totally, behold!
Why is everything red?
'Cause in the future, we'll
all be living on Mars, dude.
What does that got to do with
what I have to learn about
Christmas?
Not much, I guess.
It just blows me away that, one
day, we'll all be living on
Mars.
Oh, is that it?
Yeah--
No, wait!
There's something about the real
meaning of Christmas!
Okay, what is it?
You must learn to be a nicer
person before it's too late!
What do you mean by that?
Before, like, before I'm dead?
Dude, you don't have to get
all heavy on me.
I got to slide.
Whoa!
Oh man, I hope it's not too
late.
(Gasping)
What happened?
What?
Don't I look golden brown?
You only tanned have your
body!
What?!
Nikki, you were supposed to
turn around half way through.
Well, nobody told me that!
I have to go back and get done
again.
What time are your parents
picking you up?
Three.
It's three now.
What?
You have to go!
But I'm only half tanned.
You'll be fine.
When you get to the beach, lay
white side up.
(Groaning)
Oops, uh, Merry Christmas!
(Laughing)
What day is it?
Why it's Christmas Eve!
The spirits did it all in one
power nap.
Of course they did!
They can do anything!
Do you know the grocery store at
the end of the mall?
Do you know the big bag of chips
in the window?
Well, go get it for me and there
will be a % off coupon for
Underground Video with your name
on it.
I actually feels good to be
nice.
Who knew?
Your sales are way down this
week, Masterson.
With numbers like this, you'll
be laid of in January.
There you are!
Okay, I need a ski parka, a set
of snow shoes, a snowboard,
three tuques--
Are you serious?
What for?
A client just got married and
has to buy presents for all his
female in-laws and there's lots
so let's move.
Huh, well, look's like you
came through in the clutch
there.
Merry Christmas.
BOTH: Merry Christmas, Nikki!
You know what?
I've decided I don't care what
anyone else thinks.
I'm on vacation.
Hit it, Dad!
BOTH: We wish you a merry
Christmas.
We wish you a merry Christmas.
We wish you a merry Christmas
and a happy new year!
Merry Christmas.
We'll miss you.
Merry Christmas, guys!
We wish you a merry Christmas--
(Sighing)
Oh, bite me, Dracula.
Where's your holiday spirit?
I love Christmas.
Merry Christmas everybody!
It's better to give than to
receive!
Is this a trap?
I've learned the real meaning
of Christmas and I'm going to
spread the Christmas cheer.
(Laughing)
Okay, that was creepy.
But, I'll take creepy Christmas
Wayne over the usual Wayne any
day.
(Cheering, laughing)
Check this out!
I made an ornament for the
tree.
Jude, that's beautiful.
It's a mandala representing
the eternal circle of
friendship.
(Gasping)
Uh-oh.
(Screaming)
Jonesy, wasn't it your job to
make sure that the tree was
secure properly?
The mall must have shifted.
Well, at least it was good no
one was under the tree when it
fell.
(People groaning)
Well, at least not a lot of
people.
(Loud groaning, crying)
(Chuckling)
♪
♪
So, little bunny dude, you
ever heard the one where the
turtle is faster than the
rabbit?
What is the matter with
people?
No returns 'till after
Christmas.
How hard is that?
Hey Jen, how's work going?
Christmas shoppers are evil!
(Heavy breathing)
No, this year, I will be calm.
I bet Coach Halder will be
stoked to hear that!
Don't mention his name!
Whoa, sorry I mentioned
Coach--
(Babbling)
Halder.
(Screaming)
Do you realize, I get a
picture in my head every time
you say his name?
Okay, you've got to chill.
You're freaking out my friend
here.
Aw, where did you get him?
Err...
Hey!
So, this is what it's come
to?
Stealing bunnies.
I thought I looked evil in the
face, but this takes the
Christmas cake.
I'm taking this poor,
defenceless creature back to the
living manger display.
Why is there a bunny in a
manger?
They couldn't get donkeys.
Why doesn't he get a dog,
like a normal cop?
'Sup, J?
Got me a sweet new gig,
that's what.
Doing what?
Since I kicked butt on the
Christmas decorating crew, they
put me on gift wrapping detail.
Hold on, you actually did
well at something?
Heck yes, check it out!
Pretty sweet, huh?
You put up that tree?
And decorated it?
You don't believe me?
BOTH: We believe you.
I gotta get gift wrapping.
Aren't you working, today?
Don't remind me!
'Cause if you late, Coach--
(Mumbling)
Hadler--
(Screaming)
♪
♪ Life begins after school
♪ That's when we bend
all the rules ♪
♪ Time to hang
with all my friends ♪
♪ We like to be together
in a place where we belong ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Starting to find my way
♪ Got a new job
♪ Gonna start at
the mall today ♪
♪ Thank God I'm on my own
for the first time ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Life is sweet
♪ When you're growing up
so fast ♪
♪ You got to make the good
times last ♪
♪
♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen
♪ Got to make the good
times last ♪
My parents are trying to
take me to Acapulco for my
Christmas present.
Wow, that's pretty nice of
them.
Uh, do you remember my
parents?
They're like Christmas elves
on overdrive.
They sing Christmas carols.
My mom does non-stop Christmas
baking, and my dad "Ho-Ho-Ho's"
for the entire month.
I'd love to go somewhere hot.
Hey Nikki, it's always
sizzling at Chez Jonesy.
Note to skin, start crawling.
(Phone ringing)
Thanks for calling Gift Girl,
how can I help you shop?
Yep, I'll have the perfect
present for you this afternoon.
What's with the Gift Girl
thing?
I've started a new business.
Say you're a guy, and you have
no clue what to get your
sweetie.
You call me, and I do the
shopping for you.
You get paid to shop?
Can the world be anymore
perfect?
Gotta shop, see you guys later.
Wait, you're just going to
close the Lemon?
That's the great thing about
working here.
I don't have somebody breathing
down my neck all day like you do
with that annoying Coach Halder.
(Screaming)
He's driving me crazy!
(Crying)
See ya.
Gotta fly.
Check you later.
Okay, you need some serious
chilling out, dude.
And I know just who to call.
Hey Jude, oh, for sure!
I've got some totally relaxing
yoga moves for Jen.
She'll be Zen'd out in no time.
What the?
Okay, who replaced the Titanium
batteries with ordinary Alkaline
ones?
That was all they had at the
Nothing Over A Dollar Store.
They're crap!
Re-catalogue all the foreign
language documentaries pronto
and I may not fire you!
You're late, if you're slacking
off just because it's Christmas,
I'm on to you.
I'll set up the holiday
movies display.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
We don't have any Christmas
movies.
Sure we do.
We have, like, six of them.
Seven if you count this
German docu-drama on Kris
Kringle.
It's narrated by David
Hasselhoff.
Ah?
No display, Christmas movies
suck.
But watching Christmas
classics is a yearly ritual for
lots of people.
Getting a colonoscopy is a
yearly ritual for lots of
people too, but that doesn't
mean I want a colonoscopy
display in my store.
This is such a sweet job!
I look like a totally
sensitive, creative guy.
Chicks love that!
Later.
Need your boat wrapped,
captain?
Umm.
Ahoy, matey!
You have yourself a good day
now, you hear?
Another satisfied customer.
Move along, no loitering in
the mall, maggot.
This is a gift wrapping
table.
And you're a gift wrapper?
Many would say gifted
wrapper.
(Whispering)
What's the money like?
Pretty decent, plus tips.
I'll just make a note of
that.
You raised shopping to an
Olympic art form!
Thanks, I do train a lot.
Chrissy, can you give me a
week off to go on vacation with
my family?
Oh, I wish I could but I
don't like you.
Well, they can't say I
didn't ask.
Hello.
There's our island princess!
What are you doing here?
I told you I'm not coming, just
let me stay with Jen.
Hello young lady.
Excuse me.
We need some wild and crazy
resort wear but I need you to
make sure my wife doesn't spend
all our trip money before we
leave.
(Giggling)
(Sighing)
Here we go.
Did Nikki tell you we are
taking her to Acapulco?
Well, actually we'll be just
outside of Acapulco in the town
of Costa Not Mucha!
(Laughing)
You know, you can save a
bundle by not taking me, Dad.
Now listen, young lady,
what's a Dad have to do to get
his daughter a few days off?
Too bad, they can't spare me,
Dad, it's Christmas, remember?
Just write down what days you
want off, Nikki, and they are
all yours.
Gee, thanks!
Star?
Hey Jen, come in.
Okay, first try the Reaching
Monkey.
Huh?
Good, now try the Preying
Mantis.
(Gasping)
Wow, you're really flexible,
Jen.
Bring it on.
I only have a fifteen minute
break from work.
The next position is Blowing
the Tiger's Mind.
Okay, this is kind of hot.
(Giggling)
What are you doing here,
Jude?
Staring mostly.
Jude's here as part of your
Zen training.
Jen Lotus.
Coach Halder.
Coach Halder!
Coach Halder, Coach Halder,
Coach Halder, Coach Halder!
Wow, you totally stayed calm!
I can't believe it!
I'm de-stressing!
It worked!
This is the best Christmas
present ever!
That was awesome!
Hmm, I wonder what else I can do
for people that doesn't involve
buying stuff?
So Nikki, you planning on
staying under the table all day
'cause I could use a foot rub.
Just let me know if you see
my parents.
Coast is clear.
I know we have a date
tonight, Connor, but work is
really busy now.
Oh Jonesy!
I gotta go.
(Phone clicking)
I need these wrapped in twenty
minutes.
Hold on, if you want these
wrapped individually, then
you're looking at five to seven
hours minimum.
Hey!
We'll have them done for you
in twenty.
We will?
Roger that.
Okay then!
How come you're in on my
action?
Security may look heroic,
glamorous even, but the pay is
noticeably underwhelming and
I've got Christmas presents to
buy.
Now, wrap!
And I'm saying that your %
off coupon has expired, ma'am.
Masterson!
The customer is always right.
So honour that coupon.
You got that, missy?
(Growling)
Just a sec.
I need one more minute in Dragon
Pose.
(Gasping)
Nice work.
And kind of hot.
Is that all you want?
Tape?
I'm making my own Christmas
presents this year.
I tried to make the tape too,
but it's a little trickier than
it sounds.
This is for you, dude.
It's a leather DVD holder for
your belt.
That is the dumbest thing I
ever heard of.
Whoa, that was harsh.
I can't believe you had a
copy of Winter Pudding.
A Christmas classic.
Christmas classic, bah!
(Phone ringing)
Gift Girl.
How can I help--
Connor!
I told you I need to keep my
phone free for customers!
Don't forget the
pre-Christmas Get-Together
tomorrow.
I won't.
(Phone ringing)
Gift Girl--
Connor!
Stop calling me!
Why don't you come to our
pre-Christmas party?
Yeah!
No!
Get back to work.
Connor, come on!
We do so see each other,
sometimes.
Your breaking up with me?
Hello?
Connor?
I can't believe this is
happening.
(Phone ringing)
This is Gift Girl.
How can I help you shop?
(Sighing)
I don't know, I can't decide.
I mean, what difference does it
make?
(Crying)
Are you okay?
No!
I'm not okay!
This should be a no brainer but
just don't care.
Oh my gosh, I think I lost my
will to shop!
Who's your daddy?
Where did you get those
bells?
That's classified.
It takes a man to know how to
use them.
Hey Jonesy!
I have your Christmas present
for you, bro!
All right, thanks Jude!
Made it myself.
It's a Mistletoe hat!
Whenever wear it, and you turn
near a girl, the Mistletoe will
be right over your heads!
She has to kiss you!
This is best gift I ever got,
dude.
Check it out!
(Gasping, screaming)
Watch where you point that
thing, son!
I think I need some space.
Yeah, you go.
Good idea.
I, uh, guess I'll go, too.
I'm worried about Caitlyn.
She hasn't even opened the Lemon
today.
Bummer.
I have a Christmas present to
give her.
It's a personal shopping
transportation device!
It looks like your old
skateboard.
Not just my old skateboard,
my old Alex Chalmer's
skateboard.
We saw some good times, buddy.
(Phone dialling)
I'm going to try her again.
(Phone ringing)
Caitlyn, what are you doing?
I can't shop!
(Groaning)
Okay, calm down.
What do you mean, you can't
shop?
I've lost my retail mojo!
Connor broke up with me.
Who's Connor?
My boyfriend.
When did you get a boyfriend?
I've been too busy shopping
to introduce him to you.
Oh, this is the first time
shopping has ever caused a break
up!
Come on, you've got to get
your mind off this.
(Sniffing)
What are you doing?
Mulling spices.
They give the store a Christmas
vibe.
Good, 'cause I've decided
we're going to be opened
Christmas Day.
What?
Yeah, you were right.
People really eat up this
holiday crap.
Be in early to serve up more of
that Christmas vibe.
You look like Santa just
brought you a bag of barf.
This is just not right!
Where is your heart!
Your holiday spirit!
WAYNE: Bah humbug!
I baked some Christmas
cookies.
We've got short bread Uzis,
chocolate grenades, and
gingerbread security men.
I'll take gingerbread
security man.
Hmm.
♪ (Kazoo playing carols)
Come on, you have to help me
think up a way I can bail on my
folks.
It's Connor!
Huh?
♪ (Kazoo playing carols)
(Whispering) That's him.
That's Connor.
The one with the antlers?
He said he had a part time
job.
I didn't know it was that bad.
Caitlyn, I know it will take
some time, but you'll get over
him eventually.
How can he wear antlers?
This coming from someone who
wears a lemon head to work?
I used to think he was so hot
and now, he's just antler guy.
Guys all over this mall are
counting on me to find the
perfect present.
Am I going to tell them I didn't
find it because of some goof in
an antler hat?
Uh, no?
You bet I won't!
Oh, thank you for helping me get
over him, Nikki!
You're the best!
No problem.
Gift Girl has work to do and
the first person I'm helping is
you!
(Gasping)
A spray on tanning store?
What did you say you're
getting your parents for
Christmas?
A book on art?
Nuh-uh, new plan.
You're going with them to
Acapulco!
No way.
Listen to me, your parents
are planning this trip for you.
You can't stay behind.
You'll have a crappy time and
you'll break their hearts.
Sometimes accepting a gift is
the same as giving a gift.
Huh, that actually makes
sense.
Now, get in there,
girlfriend, and get sprayed so
you don't blind everyone on the
beach.
(Snoring)
Uh, Wayne?
(Grunting)
We're going on a break.
(Yawning, snoring, mumbling)
(Grunting)
Hey.
(Screaming)
Who and what are you?
I am the ghost of Christmas
past.
Your past and I want to show you
something.
(Clicking)
Hey, that's me!
I used to watch movies all day
long as a kid.
You peed your pants during
that movie.
Yeah, yeah, I didn't want to
miss anything so I'd never go to
the bathroom.
Did that boy want to grow to
be mean and bossy?
No.
No, he didn't.
Two other spirits will visit
you.
(Clicking)
WYATT: Come over here, Wayne.
Are you--
The ghost of Christmas
present.
Look.
That's me!
Look at you today.
You may not pee in your pants,
but you're a mean, crusty,
bossy, sarcastic, jerk of a
boss, who makes us work on
Christmas.
Hey, are you here to teach me
a lesson or insult me, buddy?
Sorry.
What you need to learn about is
the real meaning of Christmas.
Wait, wait!
Dude!
(Screaming)
Are you the Ghost of
Christmas yet to come?
Totally, behold!
Why is everything red?
'Cause in the future, we'll
all be living on Mars, dude.
What does that got to do with
what I have to learn about
Christmas?
Not much, I guess.
It just blows me away that, one
day, we'll all be living on
Mars.
Oh, is that it?
Yeah--
No, wait!
There's something about the real
meaning of Christmas!
Okay, what is it?
You must learn to be a nicer
person before it's too late!
What do you mean by that?
Before, like, before I'm dead?
Dude, you don't have to get
all heavy on me.
I got to slide.
Whoa!
Oh man, I hope it's not too
late.
(Gasping)
What happened?
What?
Don't I look golden brown?
You only tanned have your
body!
What?!
Nikki, you were supposed to
turn around half way through.
Well, nobody told me that!
I have to go back and get done
again.
What time are your parents
picking you up?
Three.
It's three now.
What?
You have to go!
But I'm only half tanned.
You'll be fine.
When you get to the beach, lay
white side up.
(Groaning)
Oops, uh, Merry Christmas!
(Laughing)
What day is it?
Why it's Christmas Eve!
The spirits did it all in one
power nap.
Of course they did!
They can do anything!
Do you know the grocery store at
the end of the mall?
Do you know the big bag of chips
in the window?
Well, go get it for me and there
will be a % off coupon for
Underground Video with your name
on it.
I actually feels good to be
nice.
Who knew?
Your sales are way down this
week, Masterson.
With numbers like this, you'll
be laid of in January.
There you are!
Okay, I need a ski parka, a set
of snow shoes, a snowboard,
three tuques--
Are you serious?
What for?
A client just got married and
has to buy presents for all his
female in-laws and there's lots
so let's move.
Huh, well, look's like you
came through in the clutch
there.
Merry Christmas.
BOTH: Merry Christmas, Nikki!
You know what?
I've decided I don't care what
anyone else thinks.
I'm on vacation.
Hit it, Dad!
BOTH: We wish you a merry
Christmas.
We wish you a merry Christmas.
We wish you a merry Christmas
and a happy new year!
Merry Christmas.
We'll miss you.
Merry Christmas, guys!
We wish you a merry Christmas--
(Sighing)
Oh, bite me, Dracula.
Where's your holiday spirit?
I love Christmas.
Merry Christmas everybody!
It's better to give than to
receive!
Is this a trap?
I've learned the real meaning
of Christmas and I'm going to
spread the Christmas cheer.
(Laughing)
Okay, that was creepy.
But, I'll take creepy Christmas
Wayne over the usual Wayne any
day.
(Cheering, laughing)
Check this out!
I made an ornament for the
tree.
Jude, that's beautiful.
It's a mandala representing
the eternal circle of
friendship.
(Gasping)
Uh-oh.
(Screaming)
Jonesy, wasn't it your job to
make sure that the tree was
secure properly?
The mall must have shifted.
Well, at least it was good no
one was under the tree when it
fell.
(People groaning)
Well, at least not a lot of
people.
(Loud groaning, crying)
(Chuckling)
♪