-Oh, dear.
-What 's the matter, honey?
-I completely forgot
about your bowling
and I made it with the
Matthews for Bridge tonight.
-Oh, fine!
-Oh, Henry, I'm sorry.
But it would be a
little awkward to call
now and cancel the game.
-You'll have to get out it
somehow, though, huh, Mom?
-Ah, no problem.
I'll-- I'll just all
and cancel the bowling.
-Are you sure you don't mind?
-Anything for you, honey.
-But you like to bowl, Dad.
It's a big deal every week!
-Not if it's going to
embarrass your mother.
-I'll make it up to you, Henry.
We'll have liver and
onions for dinner tonight.
-Liver and onions?
But you can't stand
liver and onions, Mom.
You don't even like to cook 'em.
-Your father likes it.
-Hey, how come you
both give in so easy?
-Well, you see it's
like this, son.
Your mother and I
love each other.
And when you love someone,
giving into their wishes
is part of it.
-Do you mean, love makes you
do things you don't want to?
-Well, let's just say it
makes you glad to do them.
-Boy, I'm getting so I
can understand arithmetic,
but love is real
tough to understand.
-I imagine you'll be learning
quite a bit about love
in the next few years.
-Maybe I better start
learning about it right now.
Like our Scout motto
says, "Be prepared."
-Good idea.
-We've already learned what to
do for snake bites and poison
ivy and sprained ankles,
but love sounds worse.
I better really get
prepared for that.
[theme music]
-I know you're busy, Mr.
Wilson, so I won't stay long.
-We're always glad
to see you, Dennis.
Have a chocolate.
-Gosh, thanks.
Uh, all I wanted to do
is ask you one question.
Do you and Mrs. Wilson
love each other?
-Well, of course we do.
What, uh, brought that on?
-Well, Mom and Dad say I'm gonna
have to be in love some day.
And I want to learn
about it ahead of time.
You know, like learning to swim,
in case you fall overboard.
-Well, I guess it is
something like that, Dennis.
Of course, Mrs.
Wilson and I don't
consider ourselves authorities.
But we have had many happy
years of experiences.
-Why does love make you happy?
What does it do to ya?
-Well, being together
makes you happy.
It's a very-- well,
a very warm feelings.
-Jeepers!
When I want a warm
feeling, I just
put more blankets on my bed.
-Well, Dennis, I think you're
a little young to understand
the finer points of love,
but I do recommend it highly.
-Thanks, Mr. Wilson.
I'm not sure I'll like
it, but I'm glad you do.
Bye, Mrs. Wilson.
-Goodbye, dear.
-Bye.
-Bye, Dennis.
[door opens and closes]
-Now what do you suppose got him
started on the subject of love?
-Heaven knows.
All I can say is,
when he's old enough,
I hope he's as lucky as I am.
-Have I really made
you happy, John?
-You know you have.
You're still the same
sweet girl I married.
-Thank you, dear.
Well, not exactly the same.
Those, uh, chocolate creams have
added a pound here and there.
-I hoped you wouldn't notice.
I don't mind.
Gives me that much more to love.
Oh, confound it!
-What's the matter?
-Well, I have a
clipping that I want
to use in the article I'm
writing and I can't find it.
-Well, no wonder.
Your desk bulges like
a bag full of laundry.
-Maybe it's in
this drawer, here.
-Oh, dear, you haven't changed
a bit since we were married.
You still litter up the whole
house with every piece of paper
you get your hands on.
-Well, they're mostly copies
of things that I've written.
You never know when
they'll come in handy.
-The Administration
of Calvin Coolidge.
Ooh, you may need
that one, any day now.
-All right.
All right.
I'll admit it.
I'm a pack rat.
-But you're such a lovable one.
-Mmm.
Ha, ha.
Well, I'm not too old to change.
I'm going to start
right now, and clean up
this whole ugly mess.
-Now, dear, I was only joking.
-Well, I know you
were, sweetheart.
But it's time I reformed.
I'll start cleaning
up right now.
And I'll begin with this
valuable thesis on Coolidge.
Alas, poor Calvin,
I knew him well.
-And they keep saying
how great love is, Tommy.
But what's so great about it?
-Beats me.
Far as I'm concerned,
love's pretty silly.
-Far as me, too.
-Yeah, like this
girl cousin of mine.
She got married.
And when you get
married, that's big love.
-Yeah, that means
it's really got ya.
-Well, I went to this
wedding, and everybody there
cried all through it.
-Jeepers!
-Well, love can't
be much, if it makes
you cry all over the place.
-I don't think it'll ever
take place of baseball.
Hey, Pete!
Watch out!
-Oh, hi, kids.
I didn't see ya.
I was looking at her.
-That's Susie Walker.
She moved in next door to
me, a couple weeks ago.
-Boy, I should get
such a lucky break.
-I don't think it's so lucky.
If it was a boy, I'd have
somebody to play with.
But what can you do with a girl?
-Boy, you are young.
-Me and Tommy have been
talking about love, Pete.
Are you in love with this girl?
-Yeah, but she won't
even look at me.
I sure wish I could
get her to go steady.
-Why don't you ask her?
-Aw, I couldn't do that.
You can't ask a
girl to go steady
when you haven't
even met her yet.
-Asking is the only
way to get things.
If I didn't ask Mom and Dad for
some ice cream when I want it,
I'd just go around with
my tongue hanging out.
-This is different.
You've never been in love,
so you don't understand.
-I don't understand
anything about love.
You want her to be your
girl, but you won't ask her.
Boy, is that mixed up!
-Hey, Dennis, look!
Mr. Wilson's bringing out
some trash that we might use.
-Yeah, come on!
Let's go look at it!
-Maybe he's right.
Maybe I ought to
just go ask her.
-Hi, Mr. Wilson.
-Oh, hello, boys.
I, uh, I doubt that you'll find
anything useful in there, boys.
That's, uh, just waste paper.
-Can we look anyhow?
-Help yourself.
Just don't scatter it around.
-We'll be careful, Mr. Wilson.
-Hey, here's something that
says "Income Tax Return, ."
-Yeah with a lot
of figures on it.
Do you know what they mean?
-No.
When my dad does his income
tax, he makes me leave the room.
He says I might hear some
words I shouldn't know.
Hey, here's something that looks
pretty, a bunch of old letters.
-Whose are they?
-"Dearest Darling Babykins."
Do you know anybody
named Babykins?
-Nope.
-"Last night, as I
gazed into the heavens,
I seemed to see your
face shining there--
the fairest star of all."
-Who wrote that junk?
-I don't know.
It's signed, "Your
own adoring one."
Hey, you know what, Tommy?
I bet this is a love letter
from Mr. Wilson to Mrs. Wilson.
-Sure sounds mushy enough.
Hey, look!
-Tommy, I've got an idea.
We want to learn
about love, don't we?
-You do, not me.
-You want to learn
about it, too.
Our folks say, as soon
as we get a little older,
we're gonna fall
in it, for sure.
Don't you what to
know what its going
to do to you before it does it?
-I guess so.
What's your idea?
-Well, look, Pete
Owens is in love
with that girl who
lives next door to you.
-Susie Walker.
-And he wants her to love
him, but he won't ask her.
-Right.
So?
-So I'll just print Pete's name
on the bottom of this letter,
and we'll put it in her mailbox.
-Good thinking.
-We can learn a lot
from this, Tommy.
-I thought you'd never get
up the nerve to ask me.
-I was afraid
you'd turn me down.
Did you really
want me to ask you?
-Of course, silly.
You're one of the cutest
boys I've seen in this town.
-We'll go steady, now, huh?
-That's great with me.
-I got to go do some
chores for my old man,
but how about meeting me back
here in a couple of hours?
-I'll be counting the minutes.
-Count fast.
Maybe they'll go quicker.
-That ought to do it.
-Yeah.
Poor Pete's a dead duck.
-He'll sure be surprised
when Susie Walker tells him
she loves him.
Hey, come on.
Let's go back and look
through Mr. Wilson's trash
barrel some more.
-I got to go home
and see if there's
anything my mom wants
me to do, first.
I'll catch up to you later.
-OK.
-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.
-Oh, hello, Dennis.
-You know what I just did?
I just fixed it up for a girl
to fall in love with Pete Owens,
so I could watch and
see what happens to 'em.
-Still doing your
research, are you?
-Yes, ma'am.
And Mr. Wilson was a big help.
I used one of his
old love letters.
-Love letters?
What love letters.
-The ones he threw
out this morning.
-Oh, Dennis, you
must be mistaken.
-No ma'am.
The rest of 'em
are still in there.
See?
[gasp]
-Oh, I-- I can't believe it!
I--
-But it's true Mrs. Wilson.
I found 'em-- Mrs. Wilson.
Mrs. Wilson.
Mrs. Wilson!
-Da-doo doo-doo, da-doo,
doo, ba-boom a-doo-doo.
-Well, here goes another load.
-What are you throwing out
now, our marriage certificate?
Look at these!
Your letters to me,
tossed out in the trash
like-- like second class mail.
-Oh, good heavens!
How did that happen?
-Well, it's perfectly simple.
You found them in the
chest up in our bedroom,
and you decided they were
worthless scraps of paper
and you dumped them out.
-Oh, no, Eloise.
No, no.
I did take some junk from
that chest up in the bedroom,
but-- well, those letters
must have been hidden in it.
I didn't even know
you were keeping them.
-I think it was deliberate!
-Well, now, I think
you're be unreasonable.
-Oh is that so?
-I don't think--
-You cannot--
- --it's unreasonable--
- --expect me to--
- --at all.
Do you think I'd
tie a little piece--
- --take every little
piece of paper--
- --ribbon around all papers--
- --go through it with
a fine-toothed comb--
- --to be thrown out?
-Mr. Wilson.
Mr. Wilson!
If you love each other, why
are you hollering so loud?
[arguing continues]
-And Mrs. Wilson said,
"Oh, is that so?"
And Mr. Wilson said,
"Yes, that's so."
Three times today, they
were hollering that.
I just don't get it.
-It was really nothing, Dennis.
Mrs. Wilson was just a
little upset at Mr. Wilson
for throwing those letters away.
And I don't blame her.
-What's the difference, Mom?
Trash is trash.
-Well, love letters
aren't trash, Dennis.
I still have every letter
your father ever wrote me.
-I'd never get rid of them.
They were real gems.
-Oh, they certainly were.
-Every time I need cheering up,
I get 'em down out of the attic
and read 'em all over again.
They're always good for a laugh.
-Oh?
I didn't know you
found them funny.
-They're hysterical.
What a calf-eyed Romeo
I was in those days.
-Well, that's one
way of putting it.
-And the way I threw that--
that purple prose around.
Whenever I'm near
you, my heart beats
within my breast
like the pounding
of waves against the
rock-bound coast.
-Very amusing.
-Well, some of the best
comedy ever written.
-Well, if that's the way
you feel about your letters,
I'm sorry you didn't
throw them out!
-Uh, well, you don't
mean that, dear.
-I certainly do!
They should have been
thrown out a long time ago!
-Me and my big mouth.
-Well, this is really something.
Mom's sore because you didn't
throw your letters away.
And Mrs. Wilson's sore
because Mr. Wilson did.
-Yeah.
It is kind of confusing, son.
But love makes people
do confusing things.
-Boy, you can say that again.
-I'd rather not.
-I sure hope Pete Owens
doesn't get that confused.
That girl's probably
read that letter by now,
and she'll be in love
with Pete up to here!
-Pete!
Mother, it's from Pete.
He must have gone home and
written the minute he left me.
-My, he is smitten.
-Well, listen to how it starts.
"Dearest Darling
Babykins, last night,
as I gazed into the
heavens, I seemed
to see your face shining there."
-Oh, wow!
-"Your beauty dazzles me.
Your face your figure
remind me of Deanna Dawn."
Deanna Dawn?
Well, who in the world is that?
-Why, she's an old
time movie actress.
Deanna Dawn?
She's an old lady now.
-Older than you, even?
-Yes, older than me, even.
She's fat and baggy looking.
That's an odd compliment.
-Fat and baggy looking?
Well, this whole letter's
just to make fun of me.
-Oh, I don't know.
I wouldn't--
-He must think I'm
stupid, or something.
I'll go straighten Mr.
Pete Owens out right now!
I'll Deanna Dawn him!
-Learning about love
is tough, Tommy.
When I first started
playing baseball,
I learned all about
it in minutes.
-Sure.
-But I've been studying
about love since
o'clock this morning.
And I still don't understand it.
-Baseball's a lot
more fun than love.
-Yeah, you know what
you're doing in baseball.
But love, the rules keep
changing all the time.
-Yeah.
It must be a real drag.
-Well, anyhow, I bet we get
that girl in love with Pete.
And I ought to learn a
lot by just watching them.
-I saw Pete over there in the
park, when I came through.
Boy that poor guy looked sick.
-Sick?
Jeepers!
Don't tell me being in
love makes people sick!
Come on, let's go talk to Pete.
You mean, she doesn't
love ya, Pete?
-Love me?
Huh!
She came over to my
house a while ago
and liked to tore my head off.
-Boy!
But why, Pete?
Gee whiz!
-I don't know why.
She was hollering so loud and so
fast, I couldn't get a word in.
Something about a
letter, or something.
-A letter?
-I didn't write her any letter.
I don't what she's so mad about.
-Well, don't you worry, Pete.
She'll be in love with you, yet.
You wait and see.
And Pete's a real
good friend of ours.
And we came over to talk to you.
-I'm not interested
in discussing
Mr. Pete Owens with anyone.
-Jeepers!
I don't know why you're mad
at him about that letter.
I thought it was a swell
love letter, myself.
-Yeah.
It was sure sloppy.
-You-- you mean you read it?
-Sure.
We're the ones that
put it in your mailbox,
to do Pete a favor.
And--
-Well, that's just dandy!
He's so proud of his
sarcastic little masterpiece
that he goes around
reading it to everybody!
-He does not go around
reading it to everybody.
He didn't even know.
-I've had enough of Pete Owens.
If he thinks he can get me back
by sending two little infants
over to play Cupid,
he's badly mistaken.
Well, I don't need him a bit.
-Oh, is that so?
Well, Pete doesn't
need you, either.
He's got a million girls.
Hasn't he, Tommy?
-Yeah.
He's got more girls
than he needs.
More than anybody needs.
-Every girl in Junior High
wants to go steady with him.
All he's gotta do
is take his pick.
Come on, Tommy.
-Well, I just caught
the tail end of that,
but it sounds like your boy,
Pete, is a big man on campus.
-Yeah.
He is awful cute, Mom.
Maybe I ought to go
over and talk to him.
The poor boy does deserve
a chance to explain.
-All right.
All right.
I plead guilty, Your Honor.
Guilty to the crime of throwing
out a ton of junk that--
-You still refer to our love
letters as junk, do you?
-OK.
-Eloise, I have told
you eight times,
I did not even
see those letters.
Of course, I realize it's
difficult to concentrate
on what's being
said, when you're
busy choosing the
next piece of candy.
-Is that so?
-Yes, that's so.
-Jeepers!
That's what you were saying
the last time I saw ya.
-Hello, Dennis.
-How are you, dear?
-I'm confused, that's how I am.
-You're confused?
-Yes, sir.
Everybody says when I get
older and smarter being in love
will be fun.
But if people in
love fight like this,
I'm glad I'm just a dumb kid.
TOMMY (OFFSCREEN): Dennis!
-We ought to be ashamed
of ourselves, dear.
At least, I should be.
And I am.
-So am I. Two people our
age, quarreling over nothing.
And it took a -year-old
boy to straighten us out.
-Well, dear, it's
not your fault.
I'm the unreasonable one.
-Well, I had no call to
be so mean and sarcastic.
And you know how I feel
about you, Babykins.
-Mm.
You still remember that!
Well, Babykins has put on a
few pounds since those days,
as you've noticed.
-Aw, you're perfect.
I love every ounce of you.
-Well, dear, some
of those ounces
are coming off, right now.
From now on, no more candy.
That's it.
-But you're awfully
fond of candy, honey.
Do you really think
you can do this?
-Well, of course, I can.
When i make up my
mind to do something,
I have all the
will-power in the world.
-Boy, I'm getting pretty
discouraged about this love
stuff, Tommy.
Look!
The Wilson's are in
love, Pete loves Susie,
and Mom and Dad are in love.
-Right.
-So what happens?
The Wilsons are fighting.
Susie hates Pete.
And Mom's sore at Dad.
So--
-Hey, look!
-There is, Baby.
You're a pal,
Dennis, a real pal!
-What did--
-Oh, Dennis, how
can I ever thank you
for bringing us together?
-Huh?
-You're our own
private, personal Cupid!
-Goodbye.
-Thanks, pal!
-Boy!
-Hey, I think she bit ya.
Your head's bleeding.
-Oh, that's just lipstick.
-That's worse.
-What did I do, Tommy?
How did I bring 'em together?
-I don't know, but ya sure did.
-Jeepers!
If I can do that for
them, when I didn't even
know what I was doing, maybe
I could do it for Mom and Dad,
if I'm really working at it.
I'll sure try.
Hey, Mom!
ALICE MITCHELL
(OFFSCREEN): In here, dear.
-Hey, Mom, why don't you and Dad
make up and-- hey, what are you
two doing?
-Oh, uh-- ahem--
well, son, I-- I--
I wouldn't want this
to go any further,
but I just stole a kiss
from this lovely young lady.
-You mean, you
aren't mad anymore?
-Oh, of course not, honey.
It was a silly argument
in the first place.
Well, I'd better get
back to the kitchen.
I haven't done the
luncheon dishes yet.
-Oh, I'll help you, honey.
-Jeepers!
How did you do it, Dad?
How did you talk her
out of being mad?
-Well, it wasn't very hard, son.
You know, when
you love somebody,
you don't stay mad very long.
But I'll tell ya a secret.
Maybe that candy I
bought your mother
had something to do with it.
-Oh.
Does a box of candy always work?
Do you think it will
work for Mr. Wilson?
-Well, I can't be sure.
But why don't you tell
Mr. Wilson about it?
-I've got a better
idea than that.!
I'm gonna buy Mrs.
Wilson some candy,
and tell her that Mr. Wil-- Dad?
-And it was such a foolish
little spat in the first place.
All my fault, really.
-I know how easily
those things can happen.
-But I'm going to
make it up to John.
Although he don't
think I can do it,
because he knows how I love
candy, I'm giving it up.
-Oh, I wish I had
your will power.
-Hmm.
-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.
Oh, hi, Mom.
-Dennis, don't you
knock before barging
into Mrs. Wilson's house?
-Oh, he doesn't need to.
-Well, I didn't this time,
because it's important.
A delivery boy
from the drugstore
asked me to bring this in.
It's a present from Mr. Wilson.
-Oh, why thank you, dear.
Now, what do you
suppose he's done?
I--
-Oh, hey, Mom!
Look at that!
A box of candy!
-Oh, fine!
John said I couldn't
give up candy.
And now he's going to prove it!
And in the meanest possible way!
-Eloise, Baby!
Daddy's home.
Oh.
I didn't know we had company.
-Don't you baby me, John Wilson!
Is-- is-- is
something wrong, dear?
-Oh!
Don't start acting
innocent again!
-What?
-If this is your
idea of a joke, you
have a warped sense of humor.
-A joke?
What-- what-- what joke?
Uh, you're not
making sense, Eloise.
MRS. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): Oh,
so now I'm not making sense?
MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):
That's right.
MRS. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):
What are you saying?
-You frequently
don't make sense.
-Is that so?
MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):
Yes, that is so.
-And again, Mrs. Wilson
said, "Oh, is that so?"
And Mr. Wilson said,
"Yes, that's so."
-Now don't you worry
about the Wilson's.
They'll make up in no time.
-These little misunderstandings
happen, honey.
They don't really mean a thing
when people love each other,
the way the Wilsons do.
-And the way your mom and I do.
-Well, I know one good thing.
You won't be arguing
with Dad any more
about those old love
letters he wrote to ya.
-Of course, I won't, dear.
-Because I took them
out of the attic
and threw 'em in the
trash can for ya.
-What?
-Like you said Dad should
have done in the first place.
-Oh, no!
Uh, D-Dennis, I didn't mean I
wanted him to throw them away.
-Well, you did say that, dear.
-Well, I know.
But-- but-- well, Henry,
you know what I meant.
-Jeepers!
I mean, well, I--
-Never mind, dear.
It wasn't your fault.
-Holy smoke, Alice!
You don't mean it was my fault?
-I most certainly do!
You started the whole thing!
-I did not start
the whole thing.
You started it!
ALICE MITCHELL (OFFSCREEN):
Oh, is that so?
HENRY MITCHELL (OFFSCREEN):
Yes, that is so.
-Boy, it sure was
lucky we happened
to be watching when Mrs.
Wilson threw out this candy.
-It sure is.
-You know something, Tommy?
I spent this whole day watching
people, and talking to people,
and asking questions about love.
-Yeah, and ya didn't
learn a thing.
-Oh, yes I did.
I learned that it's a real
crazy, mixed up business.
Everybody says it's going to
happen to me someday-- oh,
but I sure hope they're wrong.
Because when I see the
silly things love makes
the people do-- uh,
hey, who's that?
-Oh, that's Susie
Walker's cousin.
She came to visit
her, yesterday.
-Hey, maybe she'd
like a piece of candy!
-Oh, brother.
[theme music]
04x19 - Dennis, the Confused Cupid
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Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.
Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.