01x17 - The (Almost) Graduate
Posted: 11/13/23 05:17
♪
[Squelching sound]
Hm.
[Squelching]
Ohh!
Got you!
Hey, what do you think you're
doing?
Trawling.
I didn't get you a job at the
Penalty Box so you could goof
around and get fired.
Chill, just familiarizing
myself with the gear.
You're gonna get me in
trouble.
I see you're familiarizing
yourself with the gear.
Good man.
What are you doing with that
net, Masterson?
Get your mind on the game.
Now, have you been showing young
Jonesy here the place?
I've been trying to.
Well, you're learning from
the best.
Masterson has the highest sales
rate of any assistant customer
coach at the Penalty Box.
Carry on.
Thanks a lot.
Aw, come on, Jen, you heard
the man.
You're the best, and I'm just
your humble student.
Okay, so let's say you've
made the sale, and the customer
is going to buy this net, for
instance.
You have to scan the product
code at the cash, or ring it in
manually.
Are you listening to me?
[Grunting]
Yeah, you code the scan
thing.
Jonesy, pay attention!
I bet I could ring it in
from here.
[Gasping]
Are you crazy?
You're gonna bust the cash
register.
What does the sale show?
$ . .
And how much is the cost of
the bat and ball with tax?
$ . !
♪ Wah-wah-wah
[Sighing]
♪
♪ Life begins after school
♪ That's when we bend
all the rules ♪
♪ Time to hang
with all my friends ♪
♪ We like to be together
in a place where we belong ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Starting to find my way
♪ Got a new job
♪ Gonna start at
the mall today ♪
♪ Thank God I'm on my own
for the first time ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Life is sweet
♪ When you're growing up
so fast ♪
♪ You got to make the good times
last ♪
♪
♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen
♪ Got to make the good times
last ♪
So, again, if a customer is
returning merchandise, they
have to have a receipt.
Jonesy, you have to know all
this stuff.
I just go with my gut, and
my gut is saying I'm ready to
get my sale on.
You think so?
Know so.
I guess I could try
assisting you on a sale.
Solid, I'll take that guy.
Hold on a sec.
[Grunting]
Can I help you?
Yeah, I'll take a can of
tennis balls.
Sure, did I tell you about
our special promotion?
Two cans of tennis balls, for
the price of two.
Uh, sure, okay.
Jen will ring those in for
you.
Jonesy!
[Groaning]
Hi, Wyatt.
Hey, you look different
today.
Oh, good different or bad
different?
You could never look bad.
Maybe it's the bandana.
Yeah, that's it.
Looks cool.
You think?
Thanks!
[Kissing]
What's happening, guys?
Hey, my old bandana.
Ha, haven't seen that in a
while.
You're wearing Chad's
bandana?
Oh, yeah, I never got around
to giving it back to him after
we broke up.
You and Chad used to be...
Boyfriend and girlfriend.
Yeah, you knew that.
No, I'm pretty sure I didn't.
Oh, well, so now you know.
So now I know.
[Laughing]
[Grunting]
Excuse me.
Just a second, dude, going
for in a row.
Cool, what are you sh**ting
now?
Three.
Aw.
Can I help you?
Do you sell hockey tape?
Hockey tape, I'll bet we do.
Jen, do we sell hockey tape?
Excuse me.
Yes, we do.
Yes, we do.
Where would I find some?
Jen, where is it?
On the shelf beside you.
Well, that was easy.
Great, thanks.
Have you tried these new
titanium hockey sticks?
Chicks love titanium.
I'll take it.
Good choice, let's ring her
up.
Here you go.
No, it's stupid.
He's done that at every
stand in the food court we've
been to today.
Bummer.
Would you be a sweetheart
and watch my Stanley for me,
while I go cry...I mean, powder
my nose?
No problemo.
Thanks.
Bye.
[Laughing]
Maybe this isn't such a good
idea.
So what if Serena and Chad
used to date?
So what?
She's still wearing his stuff.
It's like she's still, I don't
know, his girl.
Yeah, if it were, like, .
Don't sweat it.
Buy her a new bandana, and put
it on her head.
Problem solved.
Oh, and why don't you write
"Wyatt's girlfriend" across it,
while you're at it?
That's not a bad idea,
thanks!
Wouldn't you hate to be a
guy and be so confused all the
time?
I heard that.
What, we're tied for sales?
How could that be?
You don't even try.
I think it's a combination
of things.
My incredible skill and your
career going downhill.
What do you mean, downhill?
Face it, you peaked too soon.
I what?
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did, you're a
peak-too-sooner.
I am not a peak-too-sooner!
[Sighing]
Excuse me.
I'll handle this.
You go plan your retirement
dinner.
I'm going rock climbing.
Right this way, sir.
Whoa!
[Whistle blowing]
Masterson, that's clipping
from behind!
Two minutes in the box.
Oh, peaked too soon.
Would you like a bag for
that kayak?
[Whistle blowing]
Attention all assistant
coaches.
This young man here sells with
a lot of heart.
That kayak was for display only
and he still sold it to a
customer.
Is it not a functioning
kayak?
Oh, no, sir, it's fine.
Just make sure to bring a life
jacket.
Now, go get 'em!
Ouch!
Son, how about lunch?
Talk turkey.
Jonesy!
Dude, can I have some
marshmallows for the fire?
For the...
[Gasping]
[Blowing]
[Laughing]
Looks like I have to keep my
eye on you, huh?
Yes, you do.
So, okay, what do you
usually do with babysitters?
Make them cry.
[Groaning]
M'hm.
Do you think she'll like it?
It has hockey sticks on it.
Yeah, so?
Ugh, did you buy the first
one you saw?
Yeah, a bandana's a bandana.
Wyatt, you have a lot to
learn about fashion.
You should take it back.
Well, I say she'll love it.
So, what are you into,
besides making babysitters cry?
Hitting things.
I'm down with that.
What's going on here?
Babysitting.
All right then, carry on.
Did you give that ugly
bandana to her yet?
No, I'm waiting for the right
moment.
Hey, dudes.
What's with junior.
His mom left him with me so
she could go to the washroom.
That's so sweet.
Three hours ago.
We broke things.
Little dude's got a good arm.
Listen, Jonesy, it's stupid
for us to compete for sales at
work.
You're right, guys are just
naturally better at that stuff
than girls.
Excuse me?
No, I meant we should work as a
team.
Yeah, and you shouldn't feel
bad about asking for help.
Uh, hold on.
You don't actually think guys
are better at anything because
they're guys, do you?
No, I don't think that.
I know it.
Right, guys?
I don't know.
I guess.
Face it, the male race is
braver, faster, stronger.
We're superior.
Oh, yeah?
Prove it.
Let's see what you've got.
Okay, pick something,
anything, and we'll do it
better than you.
Fine, staring contest, me and
Jude.
Oh, you're going down, right,
Jude?
Uh, yeah.
First one to blink loses.
And go!
Ha ha!
Nice!
[Laughing]
How come you folded so
quickly?
I forgot what we were doing.
I'm thinking of four words.
I told you so.
Not so fast there, best two
out of three.
Fine, we'll even let you pick
the challenge this time.
[Whispering]
A Blind Lemon chugging
contest.
That's pure lemon juice.
That's right, you chicken?
I'll do it.
You're on.
You were made for this.
It'll be a piece of cake.
Ready, go!
[Growling]
[Coughing]
Whew, that's good lemon
juice.
[Groaning]
[Gasping]
One more, he's gonna choke!
[Sighing]
Come on, dude, you can take
her!
It's just lemon juice, you
can do this!
[Sipping]
[Groaning]
Disqualified!
We have a winner!
[Cheering]
[Groaning]
I'm gonna take Stanley back
to Stick It.
Be back pronto.
[Croaking]
He says, "Best three out of
five."
Don't know when to give up,
huh?
Okay, have I got a challenge for
you.
Here's the dare.
Go inside and buy a Miss Teen
Girl magazine, a pink lipstick
and tampons.
Why do I have to do it?
It's your turn, now
represent, dude.
Oh, you're going down.
I can't do it.
I knew it!
Yeah!
Big chicken.
GIRLS: Big chicken, Wyatt is
a big chicken.
[Clucking]
"I can't do it, wah, wah,
wah."
[Sighing]
I knew we'd be better than
you, ha, but this is
embarrassing.
Okay, you nancies, one more
contest.
No way.
We already b*at you three times.
Well, fine, if you're
chicken.
You're on.
We choose, winner take all.
Bring it on!
Hey, guys, guess what?
Stanley's mom came back and she
paid me bucks.
I'm watching him again tomorrow.
Here's the challenge.
Whoever can eat Stick Its and
then ride the Vomit Comet
without barfing, wins.
[Groaning]
Take your time, that was a lot
of Stick Its.
[Sighing]
Okay, here we go.
Focus.
There goes a brave man.
[Groaning]
Way to take one for the team,
buddy.
You didn't lose it.
Give us some room.
[Groaning]
Okay, just do what you have
to do to keep those Stick It
chunks down.
[Retching]
Yes, Jen tossed her cookies,
woo!
The guys win.
Fine, you won, best five out
of seven.
I'm sorry, didn't you hear
the challenge?
It was all or nothing, remember?
Winner take all.
Guys rock.
[Belching]
You know it.
[Laughing]
In your face, ha, ha, ha!
Guys rule all, oh, yeah!
[Laughing]
Thanks, have a good day.
Hubba hubba!
Good morning.
Yeah, yeah.
Got a riddle for you.
What group of people are better
at things than girls?
I'm not in the mood.
The answer is guys!
Oh, right, you lose
repeatedly, score one win on a
fluke, and then declare yourself
the winner.
Being gracious in defeat is a
sign of maturity, you know.
What are those?
Knitted soccer ball cosy.
I thought we'd score a home run
with these.
But we didn't sell a single one.
But then again, we didn't have
Jonesy on our team.
You move these, and you'll make
the Hall of Fame in no time.
Thanks, Coach, you make me
want to be a better salesman.
You suck.
Masterson!
Look, I'm sick of hearing how
great Jonesy is.
I know, two minutes.
Are you hungry?
Wanna grab a bite?
JONESY: Sure.
Let's grab a bite.
JONESY: Cool.
[Laughing]
[Growling]
Here, I got something for
you.
[Gasping]
A present, oh!
Wyatt, this is sweet, but it has
hockey sticks on it.
Cool, huh?
I knew you'd like it.
Actually, it's really not my
style.
Just try it on, unless you
only like to wear bandanas that
Chad gave you.
Oh, is that what this is all
about?
Obviously Chad has better
clothes for your head than I do.
Obviously someone has Chad
issues.
That went well.
Whoa, word must have got out
about the new Cheesy Fish Stick
Its.
Are you the daycare
facilitator?
Uh, no, I think there's been
some kind of--
We're all willing to pay $
per hour, per child.
Hm.
Welcome to Dude Daycare.
Ah, another fantastic lunch,
Jonesy.
Masterson, get to work!
Brought you back a little
something from our lunch.
Free crappy restaurant mints.
How thoughtful.
[Coach grunting]
[Yawning]
I better get back.
Still have a few hours to b*at
that one-week all-time sales
record.
[Growling]
[Screaming]
[Laughing]
[Screaming]
Little dudes, listen up.
Field trip.
[Spitting]
[Laughing]
Hey, ice cream is for eating.
[Screaming]
Jonesy, I'm being swarmed by
kids.
How do I make kids stop?
Give them some chocolate,
that'll calm them down.
Right!
[Screaming]
Calm down, little monkey dudes.
Have some more chocolate.
[Laughing]
New plan, let's go see Uncle
Wyatt.
Hey, you didn't call me last
night.
I was busy.
So, you're wearing Chad's
bandana again, huh?
That would make a great
country tune.
Why don't you wear the one I
got you?
Wyatt, I want to wear this
bandana.
I'm sorry if it bothers you.
No, no, it doesn't bother me,
no.
Yeah, okay, it bothers me.
KID: CDs, all right!
Don't steal anything, mini
dudes.
What are you doing here?
I'll catch up with you later,
okay?
You gotta help me.
These little dudes will not
chill out.
[Grunting]
Ooh.
[Screaming]
[Laughing]
Nice accessorizing, Jude.
Uh, you boys need some help?
No.
It's all under control.
Silly us, they're the
superior race, remember?
Oh, yeah.
[Laughing]
Unless you're here to
increase my commissions, keep it
moving.
You have to help us watch
them.
[Grunting]
[Screaming]
Those kids are nuts.
Maybe Caitlin and Nikki were
right.
We do need their help.
What?
You can't show them any
weakness.
We can do this, they're just
kids.
But these kids are k*lling
us, dude.
Oh, no, where are they?
Hey!
[Laughing]
Excuse me, stop it!
Please stop, help!
[Laughing]
Help!
JUDE: Little dudes, stop it!
What do you need?
I think it would be smart if
we split them up amongst us.
Sure, gimme one.
Watch that one, he's a biter.
Or maybe it's that one.
I'll take Stanley here.
We have an understanding
already, right, dude?
[Coughing]
[Screaming]
Sit, stay.
You know, a girl wouldn't
have to lock a kid up just to
control him.
Please, kids are a breeze.
He likes it in there.
[Laughing]
I think your breeze has
blown.
[Gasping]
Hey, kid!
Could I borrow your bandana
so I can play cowboys with this
kid?
Sure, I guess.
Thanks.
[Giggling]
I'll get that.
WYATT: You have to come pick
this kid up and return her
before I get fired.
I can't, I don't know where
their moms are.
We're stuck with them until,
like, : tonight.
[Beeping]
WYATT: Well, then Jonesy's
taking them.
[Exploding]
[Laughing]
You really have a talent for
wrecking stuff, dude.
Jude, just meet me back at
the Penalty Box.
You're still sure you don't
need help?
All you need to know about
children is a bit of simple
psychology.
Chocolate makes them happy.
Well, that explains this.
Looks like he's been happy all
over the store.
[Screaming]
Quick, help me clean these
up, or hide them in the
stockroom!
Oh, I'm sorry, I would but
I'm on my break.
[Laughing]
[Screaming]
You have to come see this.
Does it have anything to do
with the guys screwing up?
Royally.
[Coach screaming]
So, Jonesy, what's Coach
freaking out about?
Nothing.
Masterson, why is there
chocolate all over my office?
That's a really good
question.
Maybe your star MVP can answer
that.
Jonesy, I need a word with
you.
[Screaming]
Whoa there, little tyke.
[Screaming]
[Gasping]
[Screaming]
The kids are just, uh,
excited to see a real live
legend such as yourself.
Jonesy, what are you doing
with these kids?
I'm watching them, it's
daycare.
Daycare?
Ooh, we don't stand for
moonlighting.
I'm afraid you're toast.
You're outta here, you're fired.
[Crying]
Ow!
[Sobbing]
Help.
You know, somehow, "I told
you so," just doesn't cut it
right now.
[Laughing]
Help.
Did you hear something?
Gee, I'm not sure.
It sounded like a cry for
help.
Help!
Oh, but it couldn't be.
From who?
I don't know.
Everything is under control
here.
[Laughing]
Help!
If you need our help, boys,
we're only too happy to give it,
right, girls?
Sure.
Of course, if you need it.
We just have to agree first
that the girls are the ultimate
winners.
Okay, okay, girls rule.
Now what do we do?
Did you guys think about
giving the kids naps?
[Snoring]
Sure, now they're behaving.
That's taking the easy way
out, if you ask me.
Yeah, we took them head on.
Like men.
What?
No way.
Hi, Wyatt.
Oh, hi, Serena.
Can I have my bandana back?
Okay, what is so important
about that bandana?
What, it has sentimental value?
You miss Chad, don't you?
Chad and his special, brown,
stupid bandana.
Actually, I'm just having a
bad hair day.
So why didn't you wear the
one I bought you.
I'm your boyfriend.
Because hockey sticks and
pucks don't really go with the
rest of my look, in case you
didn't notice.
Oh, yeah, I figured that.
[Laughing]
Right, guys are such bad
liars.
Oh, I think not.
Guys are definitely better liars
than girls.
Shut up, are you crazy?
You'll wake the kids!
[Snickering]
♪
[Squelching sound]
Hm.
[Squelching]
Ohh!
Got you!
Hey, what do you think you're
doing?
Trawling.
I didn't get you a job at the
Penalty Box so you could goof
around and get fired.
Chill, just familiarizing
myself with the gear.
You're gonna get me in
trouble.
I see you're familiarizing
yourself with the gear.
Good man.
What are you doing with that
net, Masterson?
Get your mind on the game.
Now, have you been showing young
Jonesy here the place?
I've been trying to.
Well, you're learning from
the best.
Masterson has the highest sales
rate of any assistant customer
coach at the Penalty Box.
Carry on.
Thanks a lot.
Aw, come on, Jen, you heard
the man.
You're the best, and I'm just
your humble student.
Okay, so let's say you've
made the sale, and the customer
is going to buy this net, for
instance.
You have to scan the product
code at the cash, or ring it in
manually.
Are you listening to me?
[Grunting]
Yeah, you code the scan
thing.
Jonesy, pay attention!
I bet I could ring it in
from here.
[Gasping]
Are you crazy?
You're gonna bust the cash
register.
What does the sale show?
$ . .
And how much is the cost of
the bat and ball with tax?
$ . !
♪ Wah-wah-wah
[Sighing]
♪
♪ Life begins after school
♪ That's when we bend
all the rules ♪
♪ Time to hang
with all my friends ♪
♪ We like to be together
in a place where we belong ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Starting to find my way
♪ Got a new job
♪ Gonna start at
the mall today ♪
♪ Thank God I'm on my own
for the first time ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Life is sweet
♪ When you're growing up
so fast ♪
♪ You got to make the good times
last ♪
♪
♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen
♪ Got to make the good times
last ♪
So, again, if a customer is
returning merchandise, they
have to have a receipt.
Jonesy, you have to know all
this stuff.
I just go with my gut, and
my gut is saying I'm ready to
get my sale on.
You think so?
Know so.
I guess I could try
assisting you on a sale.
Solid, I'll take that guy.
Hold on a sec.
[Grunting]
Can I help you?
Yeah, I'll take a can of
tennis balls.
Sure, did I tell you about
our special promotion?
Two cans of tennis balls, for
the price of two.
Uh, sure, okay.
Jen will ring those in for
you.
Jonesy!
[Groaning]
Hi, Wyatt.
Hey, you look different
today.
Oh, good different or bad
different?
You could never look bad.
Maybe it's the bandana.
Yeah, that's it.
Looks cool.
You think?
Thanks!
[Kissing]
What's happening, guys?
Hey, my old bandana.
Ha, haven't seen that in a
while.
You're wearing Chad's
bandana?
Oh, yeah, I never got around
to giving it back to him after
we broke up.
You and Chad used to be...
Boyfriend and girlfriend.
Yeah, you knew that.
No, I'm pretty sure I didn't.
Oh, well, so now you know.
So now I know.
[Laughing]
[Grunting]
Excuse me.
Just a second, dude, going
for in a row.
Cool, what are you sh**ting
now?
Three.
Aw.
Can I help you?
Do you sell hockey tape?
Hockey tape, I'll bet we do.
Jen, do we sell hockey tape?
Excuse me.
Yes, we do.
Yes, we do.
Where would I find some?
Jen, where is it?
On the shelf beside you.
Well, that was easy.
Great, thanks.
Have you tried these new
titanium hockey sticks?
Chicks love titanium.
I'll take it.
Good choice, let's ring her
up.
Here you go.
No, it's stupid.
He's done that at every
stand in the food court we've
been to today.
Bummer.
Would you be a sweetheart
and watch my Stanley for me,
while I go cry...I mean, powder
my nose?
No problemo.
Thanks.
Bye.
[Laughing]
Maybe this isn't such a good
idea.
So what if Serena and Chad
used to date?
So what?
She's still wearing his stuff.
It's like she's still, I don't
know, his girl.
Yeah, if it were, like, .
Don't sweat it.
Buy her a new bandana, and put
it on her head.
Problem solved.
Oh, and why don't you write
"Wyatt's girlfriend" across it,
while you're at it?
That's not a bad idea,
thanks!
Wouldn't you hate to be a
guy and be so confused all the
time?
I heard that.
What, we're tied for sales?
How could that be?
You don't even try.
I think it's a combination
of things.
My incredible skill and your
career going downhill.
What do you mean, downhill?
Face it, you peaked too soon.
I what?
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did, you're a
peak-too-sooner.
I am not a peak-too-sooner!
[Sighing]
Excuse me.
I'll handle this.
You go plan your retirement
dinner.
I'm going rock climbing.
Right this way, sir.
Whoa!
[Whistle blowing]
Masterson, that's clipping
from behind!
Two minutes in the box.
Oh, peaked too soon.
Would you like a bag for
that kayak?
[Whistle blowing]
Attention all assistant
coaches.
This young man here sells with
a lot of heart.
That kayak was for display only
and he still sold it to a
customer.
Is it not a functioning
kayak?
Oh, no, sir, it's fine.
Just make sure to bring a life
jacket.
Now, go get 'em!
Ouch!
Son, how about lunch?
Talk turkey.
Jonesy!
Dude, can I have some
marshmallows for the fire?
For the...
[Gasping]
[Blowing]
[Laughing]
Looks like I have to keep my
eye on you, huh?
Yes, you do.
So, okay, what do you
usually do with babysitters?
Make them cry.
[Groaning]
M'hm.
Do you think she'll like it?
It has hockey sticks on it.
Yeah, so?
Ugh, did you buy the first
one you saw?
Yeah, a bandana's a bandana.
Wyatt, you have a lot to
learn about fashion.
You should take it back.
Well, I say she'll love it.
So, what are you into,
besides making babysitters cry?
Hitting things.
I'm down with that.
What's going on here?
Babysitting.
All right then, carry on.
Did you give that ugly
bandana to her yet?
No, I'm waiting for the right
moment.
Hey, dudes.
What's with junior.
His mom left him with me so
she could go to the washroom.
That's so sweet.
Three hours ago.
We broke things.
Little dude's got a good arm.
Listen, Jonesy, it's stupid
for us to compete for sales at
work.
You're right, guys are just
naturally better at that stuff
than girls.
Excuse me?
No, I meant we should work as a
team.
Yeah, and you shouldn't feel
bad about asking for help.
Uh, hold on.
You don't actually think guys
are better at anything because
they're guys, do you?
No, I don't think that.
I know it.
Right, guys?
I don't know.
I guess.
Face it, the male race is
braver, faster, stronger.
We're superior.
Oh, yeah?
Prove it.
Let's see what you've got.
Okay, pick something,
anything, and we'll do it
better than you.
Fine, staring contest, me and
Jude.
Oh, you're going down, right,
Jude?
Uh, yeah.
First one to blink loses.
And go!
Ha ha!
Nice!
[Laughing]
How come you folded so
quickly?
I forgot what we were doing.
I'm thinking of four words.
I told you so.
Not so fast there, best two
out of three.
Fine, we'll even let you pick
the challenge this time.
[Whispering]
A Blind Lemon chugging
contest.
That's pure lemon juice.
That's right, you chicken?
I'll do it.
You're on.
You were made for this.
It'll be a piece of cake.
Ready, go!
[Growling]
[Coughing]
Whew, that's good lemon
juice.
[Groaning]
[Gasping]
One more, he's gonna choke!
[Sighing]
Come on, dude, you can take
her!
It's just lemon juice, you
can do this!
[Sipping]
[Groaning]
Disqualified!
We have a winner!
[Cheering]
[Groaning]
I'm gonna take Stanley back
to Stick It.
Be back pronto.
[Croaking]
He says, "Best three out of
five."
Don't know when to give up,
huh?
Okay, have I got a challenge for
you.
Here's the dare.
Go inside and buy a Miss Teen
Girl magazine, a pink lipstick
and tampons.
Why do I have to do it?
It's your turn, now
represent, dude.
Oh, you're going down.
I can't do it.
I knew it!
Yeah!
Big chicken.
GIRLS: Big chicken, Wyatt is
a big chicken.
[Clucking]
"I can't do it, wah, wah,
wah."
[Sighing]
I knew we'd be better than
you, ha, but this is
embarrassing.
Okay, you nancies, one more
contest.
No way.
We already b*at you three times.
Well, fine, if you're
chicken.
You're on.
We choose, winner take all.
Bring it on!
Hey, guys, guess what?
Stanley's mom came back and she
paid me bucks.
I'm watching him again tomorrow.
Here's the challenge.
Whoever can eat Stick Its and
then ride the Vomit Comet
without barfing, wins.
[Groaning]
Take your time, that was a lot
of Stick Its.
[Sighing]
Okay, here we go.
Focus.
There goes a brave man.
[Groaning]
Way to take one for the team,
buddy.
You didn't lose it.
Give us some room.
[Groaning]
Okay, just do what you have
to do to keep those Stick It
chunks down.
[Retching]
Yes, Jen tossed her cookies,
woo!
The guys win.
Fine, you won, best five out
of seven.
I'm sorry, didn't you hear
the challenge?
It was all or nothing, remember?
Winner take all.
Guys rock.
[Belching]
You know it.
[Laughing]
In your face, ha, ha, ha!
Guys rule all, oh, yeah!
[Laughing]
Thanks, have a good day.
Hubba hubba!
Good morning.
Yeah, yeah.
Got a riddle for you.
What group of people are better
at things than girls?
I'm not in the mood.
The answer is guys!
Oh, right, you lose
repeatedly, score one win on a
fluke, and then declare yourself
the winner.
Being gracious in defeat is a
sign of maturity, you know.
What are those?
Knitted soccer ball cosy.
I thought we'd score a home run
with these.
But we didn't sell a single one.
But then again, we didn't have
Jonesy on our team.
You move these, and you'll make
the Hall of Fame in no time.
Thanks, Coach, you make me
want to be a better salesman.
You suck.
Masterson!
Look, I'm sick of hearing how
great Jonesy is.
I know, two minutes.
Are you hungry?
Wanna grab a bite?
JONESY: Sure.
Let's grab a bite.
JONESY: Cool.
[Laughing]
[Growling]
Here, I got something for
you.
[Gasping]
A present, oh!
Wyatt, this is sweet, but it has
hockey sticks on it.
Cool, huh?
I knew you'd like it.
Actually, it's really not my
style.
Just try it on, unless you
only like to wear bandanas that
Chad gave you.
Oh, is that what this is all
about?
Obviously Chad has better
clothes for your head than I do.
Obviously someone has Chad
issues.
That went well.
Whoa, word must have got out
about the new Cheesy Fish Stick
Its.
Are you the daycare
facilitator?
Uh, no, I think there's been
some kind of--
We're all willing to pay $
per hour, per child.
Hm.
Welcome to Dude Daycare.
Ah, another fantastic lunch,
Jonesy.
Masterson, get to work!
Brought you back a little
something from our lunch.
Free crappy restaurant mints.
How thoughtful.
[Coach grunting]
[Yawning]
I better get back.
Still have a few hours to b*at
that one-week all-time sales
record.
[Growling]
[Screaming]
[Laughing]
[Screaming]
Little dudes, listen up.
Field trip.
[Spitting]
[Laughing]
Hey, ice cream is for eating.
[Screaming]
Jonesy, I'm being swarmed by
kids.
How do I make kids stop?
Give them some chocolate,
that'll calm them down.
Right!
[Screaming]
Calm down, little monkey dudes.
Have some more chocolate.
[Laughing]
New plan, let's go see Uncle
Wyatt.
Hey, you didn't call me last
night.
I was busy.
So, you're wearing Chad's
bandana again, huh?
That would make a great
country tune.
Why don't you wear the one I
got you?
Wyatt, I want to wear this
bandana.
I'm sorry if it bothers you.
No, no, it doesn't bother me,
no.
Yeah, okay, it bothers me.
KID: CDs, all right!
Don't steal anything, mini
dudes.
What are you doing here?
I'll catch up with you later,
okay?
You gotta help me.
These little dudes will not
chill out.
[Grunting]
Ooh.
[Screaming]
[Laughing]
Nice accessorizing, Jude.
Uh, you boys need some help?
No.
It's all under control.
Silly us, they're the
superior race, remember?
Oh, yeah.
[Laughing]
Unless you're here to
increase my commissions, keep it
moving.
You have to help us watch
them.
[Grunting]
[Screaming]
Those kids are nuts.
Maybe Caitlin and Nikki were
right.
We do need their help.
What?
You can't show them any
weakness.
We can do this, they're just
kids.
But these kids are k*lling
us, dude.
Oh, no, where are they?
Hey!
[Laughing]
Excuse me, stop it!
Please stop, help!
[Laughing]
Help!
JUDE: Little dudes, stop it!
What do you need?
I think it would be smart if
we split them up amongst us.
Sure, gimme one.
Watch that one, he's a biter.
Or maybe it's that one.
I'll take Stanley here.
We have an understanding
already, right, dude?
[Coughing]
[Screaming]
Sit, stay.
You know, a girl wouldn't
have to lock a kid up just to
control him.
Please, kids are a breeze.
He likes it in there.
[Laughing]
I think your breeze has
blown.
[Gasping]
Hey, kid!
Could I borrow your bandana
so I can play cowboys with this
kid?
Sure, I guess.
Thanks.
[Giggling]
I'll get that.
WYATT: You have to come pick
this kid up and return her
before I get fired.
I can't, I don't know where
their moms are.
We're stuck with them until,
like, : tonight.
[Beeping]
WYATT: Well, then Jonesy's
taking them.
[Exploding]
[Laughing]
You really have a talent for
wrecking stuff, dude.
Jude, just meet me back at
the Penalty Box.
You're still sure you don't
need help?
All you need to know about
children is a bit of simple
psychology.
Chocolate makes them happy.
Well, that explains this.
Looks like he's been happy all
over the store.
[Screaming]
Quick, help me clean these
up, or hide them in the
stockroom!
Oh, I'm sorry, I would but
I'm on my break.
[Laughing]
[Screaming]
You have to come see this.
Does it have anything to do
with the guys screwing up?
Royally.
[Coach screaming]
So, Jonesy, what's Coach
freaking out about?
Nothing.
Masterson, why is there
chocolate all over my office?
That's a really good
question.
Maybe your star MVP can answer
that.
Jonesy, I need a word with
you.
[Screaming]
Whoa there, little tyke.
[Screaming]
[Gasping]
[Screaming]
The kids are just, uh,
excited to see a real live
legend such as yourself.
Jonesy, what are you doing
with these kids?
I'm watching them, it's
daycare.
Daycare?
Ooh, we don't stand for
moonlighting.
I'm afraid you're toast.
You're outta here, you're fired.
[Crying]
Ow!
[Sobbing]
Help.
You know, somehow, "I told
you so," just doesn't cut it
right now.
[Laughing]
Help.
Did you hear something?
Gee, I'm not sure.
It sounded like a cry for
help.
Help!
Oh, but it couldn't be.
From who?
I don't know.
Everything is under control
here.
[Laughing]
Help!
If you need our help, boys,
we're only too happy to give it,
right, girls?
Sure.
Of course, if you need it.
We just have to agree first
that the girls are the ultimate
winners.
Okay, okay, girls rule.
Now what do we do?
Did you guys think about
giving the kids naps?
[Snoring]
Sure, now they're behaving.
That's taking the easy way
out, if you ask me.
Yeah, we took them head on.
Like men.
What?
No way.
Hi, Wyatt.
Oh, hi, Serena.
Can I have my bandana back?
Okay, what is so important
about that bandana?
What, it has sentimental value?
You miss Chad, don't you?
Chad and his special, brown,
stupid bandana.
Actually, I'm just having a
bad hair day.
So why didn't you wear the
one I bought you.
I'm your boyfriend.
Because hockey sticks and
pucks don't really go with the
rest of my look, in case you
didn't notice.
Oh, yeah, I figured that.
[Laughing]
Right, guys are such bad
liars.
Oh, I think not.
Guys are definitely better liars
than girls.
Shut up, are you crazy?
You'll wake the kids!
[Snickering]
♪