01x23 - One Quiet Day
Posted: 11/13/23 05:16
♪
Dude, what you stocking?
A sonic whirling as*ault,
lashing the ear with its wailing
teenage angst driven fury.
Whoa, is that good?
Who knows, I'm too scared to
listen to it.
Hey, Wyatt, what's the name
of that new album that you were
playing last night?
Back Off My Chow by Dogtoy.
Oh, right, thanks.
No tacos allowed in the store,
Jude.
What taco!
Nice, very nice!
[Sighing]
Dude, are you all right?
Of course I am, why wouldn't
I be?
Every time that Serena chick
shows up, you do something
stupid!
I do not!
I found it!
[Gasping]
Like that.
All right, so I really like
her, I mean, y'know we've gone
out for coffee a couple times,
then there was Valentine's day,
but she's a year older than me.
Dude, what are you waiting
for?
Go and ask her out again.
I don't know, maybe those
were just, like, pity dates!
Not even dates, more like pity
coffee.
I think she's way out of my
league!
Dude, you're wigging out.
You just gotta show her you can
be mature and refined too.
This, coming from a guy who
threw up in his girlfriend's
mouth!
♪
♪ Life begins after school
♪ That's when we bend
all the rules ♪
♪ Time to hang
with all my friends ♪
♪ We like to be together
in a place where we belong ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Starting to find my way
♪ Got a new job
♪ Gonna start at
the mall today ♪
♪ Thank God I'm on my own
for the first time ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Life is sweet
♪ When you're growing up
so fast ♪
♪ You got to make the good
times last ♪
♪
♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen
♪ Got to make the good times
last ♪
No way, duh!
I am so there, are you crazy?
It's only the opportunity of a
lifetime!
Later!
Hey, I have the best news!
You are looking at the soon to
be newest greeter goddess at
Albatross and Finch!
Nice, so they hired you!
Oh, no, not yet, you have to
through a very vigorous
interview process.
It starts today.
Aren't the staff there a bit
stuck up?
Sure, but wouldn't you be?
It's like the best job in the
mall.
Really, well, as long as
you're still schlepping lemons,
slide me a large swirly!
You only get those when you
get fired or dumped.
I got fired from Engrave
This, 'cause my spelling sucks!
Did you know there was a T in
Christmas?
Um... yeah.
Maybe I should come try out
too, now that I'm out of a job,
again.
No offense, but I don't think
you're Albatross and Finch
material.
Says who?
The greeter gods are like a
secret society, they almost
never let in outside members,
only legacies.
Okay, what's a legacy and why
aren't I one?
It means the jobs are handed
down, from generation to
generation, based on the
presumption that coolness is in
the genes.
That's it?
Well, look no further, people,
ain't nothing but coolness in
these jeans!
[Sighing]
Okay, fine, come if you want
to.
See you out front in an hour.
[Sizzling]
Oh, yeah!
What's up?
Hey, on your break?
No, just bored.
[Sighing]
Me too!
Hey, wanna mess with Coach
Halder?
Definitely!
So, what's it gonna be,
sport?
Well, the lather is quite
nice to the touch, but then the
plastic one is cheaper.
Well, you've got five seconds
left on the clock to make that
call!
Step up to the plate mister,
throw the pass, take it!
[Screaming]
[Laughing]
That was the funniest thing I
have ever seen!
Did you hear him scream?
Oh, yeah, like a little girl!
Got any more ideas?
What, are you kidding?
Okay, I'm gonna need a fishing
pole, a dollar bill, and some
pound line.
Ladies.
Hey, Jonesy, Wyatt wants to
ask Serena out, but he's scared,
'cause she's way too mature for
him!
Dude, just take control of
the situation!
Show her you're a man!
You don't get it, every time
I try to talk to her, I--
Turn into a wuss?
Something like that.
All right, I've had enough of
this.
Yo, Serena, could you come over
here for a minute?
[Squirming]
Hey, what are you doing?
Here she comes.
Don't blow it.
Did you call me, Wyatt?
I... uh...
Is something wrong Wyatt?
I... wanted to talk to you
because... I... I really like
you.
Aw, man, he blew it!
Totally choked.
I like you too, Wyatt.
Really, well... now that
we've gone out a few times, I
just wondered... uh...
Go in for the k*ll!
Do it, dude!
I was wondering if you'd
consider... maybe... uh...
being...
Being...?
Boyfriend and girlfriend!
With me!
Wyatt, I really like you,
but...
[Groaning]
I'm kind of older than you.
Only by a year.
I'm practically in college.
I only have eight credits left
to go!
I'm going to college too, one
day.
I just think I'm out of my
high school boy phase.
I need a more mature guy who can
understand my needs, y'know?
I'm sorry, can we just be
friends?
Sure, no problem.
Well, that sucked.
Crashed and b*rned, huh,
dude?
That would sum it up, yeah.
Dude, that was pathetic!
Would you maybe consider wah,
wah, wah!
You've gotta sell what you've
got!
Yeah, dude, you've gotta good
package.
I think you mean I've got the
whole package.
[Sighing]
What's the use?
Well, if you're giving up on
this hottie, I feel it's my duty
to take my shottie.
The poet laureate speaks!
Hey, babe!
Yes?
I understand a mature woman
like yourself would seek someone
more refined, but you have so
much to offer a young guy such
as myself!
Oh, really?
Think of it, you could help
nurture an unformed soul.
Oh, nurturing, yes, that's
what I wanted to do Saturday
night!
Why would you want some over
the hill frat boy when you could
have an adoring, young stud on
your arm who's at your beck and
call every Saturday night?
Look away, dude, just look
away.
I can't believe I'm saying
this, but you're actually making
sense!
Think of us as eager little
puppies: we're easily trainable!
That's true!
So, are we on tonight,
shorty?
Wyatt, I've changed my mind
about us.
Meet me after our shift and
we'll give it a sh*t, okay?
Oh, yeah, who's the man, huh?
Cool, dude, she wasn't my
type, anyway.
Yeah, I think she digs smart
guys.
Hey!
Finally!
Where have you been?
Scoring Wyatt a date, then
the hot dog stand.
Ready?
Oops, gotcha!
[Sighing]
This is so huge!
By tomorrow, I could be just
like them!
What, bored?
No, beautiful, and popular!
These clothes look like
someone else already wore them!
Yeah, that's the idea!
They're vintage wash!
Well, excuse me, just seems
kinda dumb!
Shh!
If I wanted used clothes--
Would you shut up?
Let's just get to the auditions!
Let's just get to the
auditions!
Your abs are ripped, dude!
You're up.
This is it!
Hey, good luck, dude!
I hope he takes rejection well.
Okay, I've been working on my
facial expressions: the bored
smirk.
The aloof stare...
Whoa, I felt that one!
Totally, and how 'bout: the
hoodies are in the back sneer...
I don't get what the big deal
is, I mean it's just a store.
[Gasping]
He suffered a concussion
recently, skiing in Whistler.
[Sighing]
Okay, that was creepy!
Ow!
Do not blow this for me!
Hey, I've got a few
expressions up my sleeve,
sweetheart.
Check out my I'm hotter than you
stare...
It looks more like you have
to go to the bathroom!
Yeah, I kinda do!
[Ticking]
Nice going, I could've gotten
in here with your help, you
know.
It was a foolproof plan!
How was I supposed to know he
was so cheap, he'd follow a
dollar bill right into a
climbing wall?
Yeah, well I'm going to be on
probation for the rest of my
life.
Huh, I wonder how they remove
a fish hook from a nose anyway?
No, you don't understand!
I'm a people person!
A people person!
Please, have a little
dignity, sir.
Gee, thanks!
Okay, I so want to work here!
Yeah, we got that.
Why?
If you had to work retail,
Albatross and Finch is, like,
the only socially acceptable
store.
The ' spring catalogue changed
my life!
[Whispering]
I have all the required facial
expressions!
Don't ask me 'cause I don't
care!
Hmm, you look fat in anything.
I could go to the back and
check, but... I wont.
So, how 'bout you?
Just got fired, didn't have
anything better to do.
Murmuring
Hey, is this gonna take much
longer?
[Whispering]
That's it, wait outside.
What was that!
Argh, I just hope they don't
hold you against me!
Okay, I'm gonna call out the
names of our new greeter gods.
If you don't hear your name, it
basically means you're not cool
enough.
Oh!
Jonesy!
[Gasping]
What?
Who, me... why?
Well, you have that detached
self involved egotism that
Albatross and Finch stands for.
Thanks... I guess?
Welcome to our crew!
Okay, that's it!
That's it?
No, wait, I love this place!
I live for this place!
Can I at least come on the
annual ski trip?
I can't watch.
She really wanted this job.
Everyone wants this job,
c'mon, let's get you into
training.
No, wait, I belong here, I
do!
I feel your pain, sister,
I feel your pain.
[Sobbing]
So, how do I impress her?
I mean, she's mature and I'm
just... not.
Don't sweat it.
Yeah, of the six of us, you're,
like, the third most mature.
Wait, who's more mature than
me?
Well, Nikki... except for
today.
Thank you.
And me.
You are not more mature!
Am so!
Are not!
Am so!
Nikki, tell him I'm more mature!
Gee, you both make such
convincing arguments.
Okay, I need some
relationship advice.
Hmm, Caitlin reads all those
magazines, maybe she can help
you.
Yes, that's good!
C'mon!
I hear you, bro, but you're
not a loser!
Take a couple of deep breaths!
There, now don't you feel
better?
Guys, I think he's finally
lost it!
I still think you're cool!
Uh, Jude, what are you doing?
Caitlin locked herself inside
the lemon and she won't come
out.
Caitlin, are you okay?
CAITLIN: Go away!
[Sobbing]
What's the matter?
CAITLIN: Jonesy got hired at
Albatross and Finch and I
didn't!
It's so unfair, he'll be going
on cargo encounter weekends,
folding seminars in Banff,
parties at cabins on the lake,
and I won't!
Oh, don't cry, Caitlin!
I've heard those parties aren't
even that fun!
CAITLIN: Have you seen the
catalogues?
Jude, show them!
[Sobbing]
It does look kinda cool,
'cept for people who work at a
clothing store, they sure don't
pack many clothes.
Caitlin, please come out.
People are starting to stare.
Oh, what, and you've never
talked to big, giant fruit
before?
Oh, my!
CAITLIN: I'm not coming out!
Okay, I know you're bummed,
but I need your help with a
relationship problem.
I'm desperate!
[Creaking]
CAITLIN: What kind of
relationship problem?
She's an older woman and I
need to learn to act mature.
CAITLIN: And I'm the only
person in the whole world who
could help you?
Look who I have to choose
from!
Hey!
[Gasping]
Ooh!
I guess I could help then.
Oh, thank you!
Uh, you might want to fix
yourself up a bit.
Oh, I'm hideous, aren't I?
No!
Totally babealicious!
Really?
Okay, thanks guys.
Why are we hiding in these
bushes?
To watch how mature couples
behave in their natural habitat.
Observe.
The mature man never holds
hands, he puts his arm
protectively around his partner
in a mating stance that says I'm
mature and ready to commit to
this woman.
Arm around her waist.
Got it.
[Screaming]
[Crashing]
[Laughing]
Dude!
Note that the mature male is
more calm and confident.
Not prone to displays of plumage
or loud outbursts.
The mature male seems a bit
boring.
Not to the mature female!
See how she rewards him with
signs of her affection?
Huh!
This is getting boring!
They haven't talked in half an
hour!
Mature couples are
comfortable with silence.
What did you notice about the
mature male's order?
Uh, it arrived promptly?
No, the mature male orders
mature food: no French fries, a
salad, the more strange the
salad the more mature it is.
So, a green salad?
Not that mature!
Sun dried tomato and goat
cheese?
Mature!
The mature male pays the bill
and doesn't complain about it.
Being mature is expensive,
then.
Do you want Serena to go for
you or not?
Okay, okay!
Where did they go?
I don't know!
Ahem!
You're freaking us out.
WYATT AND CAITLIN: Sorry.
I gotta go, Serena's about to
come off shift.
I've given you all the tools
you need, you're ready.
Thanks, Caitlin!
Wish me luck!
Luck!
Gosh, I'm good!
So, did helping Wyatt take
your mind off of Albatross and
Finch?
[Sobbing]
Nice.
[Giggling]
Oh, yeah, this job rocks!
Those pants are so cool!
Pulverized low slung camping
shorts, sizes through ,
back of the store.
Thanks, dude!
I am so good at this!
Yo, new guy, it's our policy
to ignore customers outright.
How will they find what
they're looking for?
That's not our problem!
This place is so stupid!
Then again!
[Laughing]
Is something wrong, Wyatt?
No, why?
You haven't said a word since
we met at the record store!
I'm comfortable with silence.
Okay, then.
Can I take your order?
Do you have a goat cheese
salad?
Goat's cheese?
Uh... I'll have a green
salad.
Right, and to drink?
Can I have a margarita?
Can I see some I.D.?
Uh...
Virgin margarita, coming
right up.
For you?
A hot dog and fries, please.
You got it, honey.
One hot dog and fries, and a
salad for the fancy boy!
MOVIE CHARACTER: Dude, we
have never rocked a party like
we rocked a party tonight!
Music, tunes, and babes!
Just so you know, I wanted to
take you to see that new
political documentary.
Oh, that's cool.
[Laughing]
Hey, there!
You've gotta help me, man!
I'm with Serena and I can't do
anything right!
Dude--
MOVIE CHARACTER: Ten kegs,
seniors in a pool, what
could go wrong?
Is that Jerry and Pete Get
Busted?
I love that movie!
That's my point!
Caitlin tried to show me how to
act mature, but it's not
working!
MOVIE CHARACTER: Dude, I just
got puked on!
[Laughing]
I bet she's so sorry she went
out with me right now.
[Laughing]
This is just like the
seniors' party last year,
remember?
Wyatt?
Dude, girls don't know what
girls want!
That sounds so ridiculous
that I'm tempted to believe you.
Believe it.
All women, young and old, want a
man to tell them what they want
to hear.
Quick, give me one of your
best lines.
[Whispering]
I can't say that!
Gotta go, good luck, buddy!
Jonesy, Jonesy!
Wyatt, are you okay?
Baby... uh, you may be older
than me, but I'm the Discovery
Channel and you've just got
cable!
[Laughing]
What's with you today?
Dude, if you're gonna use
cheesy lines like that, can you
at least take it outside?
Oh, man, I must be desperate
to impress you if I'm stooping
to use Jonesy's lines!
You mean that's why you've
been putting on this act all
night?
Well, you're so mature, and
together, and beautiful, I
really wanted this date to work
out!
You know, I like your lines
a lot better, Wyatt.
So... what now?
I have a great idea!
Come on!
What are you doing?
Nothing, just buying some--
Hey, only the greeter girls
get to purchase this combination
of tube top and cargo skirt!
Hmm...
CAITLIN: But!
I can't believe this!
Was she trying to buy our
uniform?
Yeah, how sad is that?
We don't let just anybody dress
like us!
[Sighing]
CAITLIN: Please, please,
please!
That's it, I've had enough of
these greeter snobs for one day!
Time to shake this place up a
bit!
We're beautiful!
We are the chosen ones, we're--
Okay, what is that--
[Grunting]
Nobody makes fun of my girl!
[Laughing]
What are you doing?
Just acting like the guys in
your catalogue, bro, trying to
support the team!
[Gasping]
Dude, you are so fired.
And you are way too lame for
us to hang out with!
[Cheering]
C'mon, Caitlin, let's blow this
chicken coop!
[Cheering]
CAITLIN: Um, you could put
your cargos back on now.
And then he mooned the entire
store!
Cool!
Once again, you've managed to
sneak up and impress me, and you
did it by mooning people!
Go figure!
Hey, when you've got a
rearview this good, you can't
hide it forever!
And then you go and blow it
again!
Hey, guys!
Hey, dude!
Hey, guys!
We just rode the vomit comet
times!
It was such a blast!
I felt like a little kid again!
Again, huh?
Nice try, junior!
Hey, you're only one year
older!
A year and a half!
Missed me!
[Laughing]
Yeah, you better run!
Real mature, dude.
♪
Dude, what you stocking?
A sonic whirling as*ault,
lashing the ear with its wailing
teenage angst driven fury.
Whoa, is that good?
Who knows, I'm too scared to
listen to it.
Hey, Wyatt, what's the name
of that new album that you were
playing last night?
Back Off My Chow by Dogtoy.
Oh, right, thanks.
No tacos allowed in the store,
Jude.
What taco!
Nice, very nice!
[Sighing]
Dude, are you all right?
Of course I am, why wouldn't
I be?
Every time that Serena chick
shows up, you do something
stupid!
I do not!
I found it!
[Gasping]
Like that.
All right, so I really like
her, I mean, y'know we've gone
out for coffee a couple times,
then there was Valentine's day,
but she's a year older than me.
Dude, what are you waiting
for?
Go and ask her out again.
I don't know, maybe those
were just, like, pity dates!
Not even dates, more like pity
coffee.
I think she's way out of my
league!
Dude, you're wigging out.
You just gotta show her you can
be mature and refined too.
This, coming from a guy who
threw up in his girlfriend's
mouth!
♪
♪ Life begins after school
♪ That's when we bend
all the rules ♪
♪ Time to hang
with all my friends ♪
♪ We like to be together
in a place where we belong ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Starting to find my way
♪ Got a new job
♪ Gonna start at
the mall today ♪
♪ Thank God I'm on my own
for the first time ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Life is sweet
♪ When you're growing up
so fast ♪
♪ You got to make the good
times last ♪
♪
♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen
♪ Got to make the good times
last ♪
No way, duh!
I am so there, are you crazy?
It's only the opportunity of a
lifetime!
Later!
Hey, I have the best news!
You are looking at the soon to
be newest greeter goddess at
Albatross and Finch!
Nice, so they hired you!
Oh, no, not yet, you have to
through a very vigorous
interview process.
It starts today.
Aren't the staff there a bit
stuck up?
Sure, but wouldn't you be?
It's like the best job in the
mall.
Really, well, as long as
you're still schlepping lemons,
slide me a large swirly!
You only get those when you
get fired or dumped.
I got fired from Engrave
This, 'cause my spelling sucks!
Did you know there was a T in
Christmas?
Um... yeah.
Maybe I should come try out
too, now that I'm out of a job,
again.
No offense, but I don't think
you're Albatross and Finch
material.
Says who?
The greeter gods are like a
secret society, they almost
never let in outside members,
only legacies.
Okay, what's a legacy and why
aren't I one?
It means the jobs are handed
down, from generation to
generation, based on the
presumption that coolness is in
the genes.
That's it?
Well, look no further, people,
ain't nothing but coolness in
these jeans!
[Sighing]
Okay, fine, come if you want
to.
See you out front in an hour.
[Sizzling]
Oh, yeah!
What's up?
Hey, on your break?
No, just bored.
[Sighing]
Me too!
Hey, wanna mess with Coach
Halder?
Definitely!
So, what's it gonna be,
sport?
Well, the lather is quite
nice to the touch, but then the
plastic one is cheaper.
Well, you've got five seconds
left on the clock to make that
call!
Step up to the plate mister,
throw the pass, take it!
[Screaming]
[Laughing]
That was the funniest thing I
have ever seen!
Did you hear him scream?
Oh, yeah, like a little girl!
Got any more ideas?
What, are you kidding?
Okay, I'm gonna need a fishing
pole, a dollar bill, and some
pound line.
Ladies.
Hey, Jonesy, Wyatt wants to
ask Serena out, but he's scared,
'cause she's way too mature for
him!
Dude, just take control of
the situation!
Show her you're a man!
You don't get it, every time
I try to talk to her, I--
Turn into a wuss?
Something like that.
All right, I've had enough of
this.
Yo, Serena, could you come over
here for a minute?
[Squirming]
Hey, what are you doing?
Here she comes.
Don't blow it.
Did you call me, Wyatt?
I... uh...
Is something wrong Wyatt?
I... wanted to talk to you
because... I... I really like
you.
Aw, man, he blew it!
Totally choked.
I like you too, Wyatt.
Really, well... now that
we've gone out a few times, I
just wondered... uh...
Go in for the k*ll!
Do it, dude!
I was wondering if you'd
consider... maybe... uh...
being...
Being...?
Boyfriend and girlfriend!
With me!
Wyatt, I really like you,
but...
[Groaning]
I'm kind of older than you.
Only by a year.
I'm practically in college.
I only have eight credits left
to go!
I'm going to college too, one
day.
I just think I'm out of my
high school boy phase.
I need a more mature guy who can
understand my needs, y'know?
I'm sorry, can we just be
friends?
Sure, no problem.
Well, that sucked.
Crashed and b*rned, huh,
dude?
That would sum it up, yeah.
Dude, that was pathetic!
Would you maybe consider wah,
wah, wah!
You've gotta sell what you've
got!
Yeah, dude, you've gotta good
package.
I think you mean I've got the
whole package.
[Sighing]
What's the use?
Well, if you're giving up on
this hottie, I feel it's my duty
to take my shottie.
The poet laureate speaks!
Hey, babe!
Yes?
I understand a mature woman
like yourself would seek someone
more refined, but you have so
much to offer a young guy such
as myself!
Oh, really?
Think of it, you could help
nurture an unformed soul.
Oh, nurturing, yes, that's
what I wanted to do Saturday
night!
Why would you want some over
the hill frat boy when you could
have an adoring, young stud on
your arm who's at your beck and
call every Saturday night?
Look away, dude, just look
away.
I can't believe I'm saying
this, but you're actually making
sense!
Think of us as eager little
puppies: we're easily trainable!
That's true!
So, are we on tonight,
shorty?
Wyatt, I've changed my mind
about us.
Meet me after our shift and
we'll give it a sh*t, okay?
Oh, yeah, who's the man, huh?
Cool, dude, she wasn't my
type, anyway.
Yeah, I think she digs smart
guys.
Hey!
Finally!
Where have you been?
Scoring Wyatt a date, then
the hot dog stand.
Ready?
Oops, gotcha!
[Sighing]
This is so huge!
By tomorrow, I could be just
like them!
What, bored?
No, beautiful, and popular!
These clothes look like
someone else already wore them!
Yeah, that's the idea!
They're vintage wash!
Well, excuse me, just seems
kinda dumb!
Shh!
If I wanted used clothes--
Would you shut up?
Let's just get to the auditions!
Let's just get to the
auditions!
Your abs are ripped, dude!
You're up.
This is it!
Hey, good luck, dude!
I hope he takes rejection well.
Okay, I've been working on my
facial expressions: the bored
smirk.
The aloof stare...
Whoa, I felt that one!
Totally, and how 'bout: the
hoodies are in the back sneer...
I don't get what the big deal
is, I mean it's just a store.
[Gasping]
He suffered a concussion
recently, skiing in Whistler.
[Sighing]
Okay, that was creepy!
Ow!
Do not blow this for me!
Hey, I've got a few
expressions up my sleeve,
sweetheart.
Check out my I'm hotter than you
stare...
It looks more like you have
to go to the bathroom!
Yeah, I kinda do!
[Ticking]
Nice going, I could've gotten
in here with your help, you
know.
It was a foolproof plan!
How was I supposed to know he
was so cheap, he'd follow a
dollar bill right into a
climbing wall?
Yeah, well I'm going to be on
probation for the rest of my
life.
Huh, I wonder how they remove
a fish hook from a nose anyway?
No, you don't understand!
I'm a people person!
A people person!
Please, have a little
dignity, sir.
Gee, thanks!
Okay, I so want to work here!
Yeah, we got that.
Why?
If you had to work retail,
Albatross and Finch is, like,
the only socially acceptable
store.
The ' spring catalogue changed
my life!
[Whispering]
I have all the required facial
expressions!
Don't ask me 'cause I don't
care!
Hmm, you look fat in anything.
I could go to the back and
check, but... I wont.
So, how 'bout you?
Just got fired, didn't have
anything better to do.
Murmuring
Hey, is this gonna take much
longer?
[Whispering]
That's it, wait outside.
What was that!
Argh, I just hope they don't
hold you against me!
Okay, I'm gonna call out the
names of our new greeter gods.
If you don't hear your name, it
basically means you're not cool
enough.
Oh!
Jonesy!
[Gasping]
What?
Who, me... why?
Well, you have that detached
self involved egotism that
Albatross and Finch stands for.
Thanks... I guess?
Welcome to our crew!
Okay, that's it!
That's it?
No, wait, I love this place!
I live for this place!
Can I at least come on the
annual ski trip?
I can't watch.
She really wanted this job.
Everyone wants this job,
c'mon, let's get you into
training.
No, wait, I belong here, I
do!
I feel your pain, sister,
I feel your pain.
[Sobbing]
So, how do I impress her?
I mean, she's mature and I'm
just... not.
Don't sweat it.
Yeah, of the six of us, you're,
like, the third most mature.
Wait, who's more mature than
me?
Well, Nikki... except for
today.
Thank you.
And me.
You are not more mature!
Am so!
Are not!
Am so!
Nikki, tell him I'm more mature!
Gee, you both make such
convincing arguments.
Okay, I need some
relationship advice.
Hmm, Caitlin reads all those
magazines, maybe she can help
you.
Yes, that's good!
C'mon!
I hear you, bro, but you're
not a loser!
Take a couple of deep breaths!
There, now don't you feel
better?
Guys, I think he's finally
lost it!
I still think you're cool!
Uh, Jude, what are you doing?
Caitlin locked herself inside
the lemon and she won't come
out.
Caitlin, are you okay?
CAITLIN: Go away!
[Sobbing]
What's the matter?
CAITLIN: Jonesy got hired at
Albatross and Finch and I
didn't!
It's so unfair, he'll be going
on cargo encounter weekends,
folding seminars in Banff,
parties at cabins on the lake,
and I won't!
Oh, don't cry, Caitlin!
I've heard those parties aren't
even that fun!
CAITLIN: Have you seen the
catalogues?
Jude, show them!
[Sobbing]
It does look kinda cool,
'cept for people who work at a
clothing store, they sure don't
pack many clothes.
Caitlin, please come out.
People are starting to stare.
Oh, what, and you've never
talked to big, giant fruit
before?
Oh, my!
CAITLIN: I'm not coming out!
Okay, I know you're bummed,
but I need your help with a
relationship problem.
I'm desperate!
[Creaking]
CAITLIN: What kind of
relationship problem?
She's an older woman and I
need to learn to act mature.
CAITLIN: And I'm the only
person in the whole world who
could help you?
Look who I have to choose
from!
Hey!
[Gasping]
Ooh!
I guess I could help then.
Oh, thank you!
Uh, you might want to fix
yourself up a bit.
Oh, I'm hideous, aren't I?
No!
Totally babealicious!
Really?
Okay, thanks guys.
Why are we hiding in these
bushes?
To watch how mature couples
behave in their natural habitat.
Observe.
The mature man never holds
hands, he puts his arm
protectively around his partner
in a mating stance that says I'm
mature and ready to commit to
this woman.
Arm around her waist.
Got it.
[Screaming]
[Crashing]
[Laughing]
Dude!
Note that the mature male is
more calm and confident.
Not prone to displays of plumage
or loud outbursts.
The mature male seems a bit
boring.
Not to the mature female!
See how she rewards him with
signs of her affection?
Huh!
This is getting boring!
They haven't talked in half an
hour!
Mature couples are
comfortable with silence.
What did you notice about the
mature male's order?
Uh, it arrived promptly?
No, the mature male orders
mature food: no French fries, a
salad, the more strange the
salad the more mature it is.
So, a green salad?
Not that mature!
Sun dried tomato and goat
cheese?
Mature!
The mature male pays the bill
and doesn't complain about it.
Being mature is expensive,
then.
Do you want Serena to go for
you or not?
Okay, okay!
Where did they go?
I don't know!
Ahem!
You're freaking us out.
WYATT AND CAITLIN: Sorry.
I gotta go, Serena's about to
come off shift.
I've given you all the tools
you need, you're ready.
Thanks, Caitlin!
Wish me luck!
Luck!
Gosh, I'm good!
So, did helping Wyatt take
your mind off of Albatross and
Finch?
[Sobbing]
Nice.
[Giggling]
Oh, yeah, this job rocks!
Those pants are so cool!
Pulverized low slung camping
shorts, sizes through ,
back of the store.
Thanks, dude!
I am so good at this!
Yo, new guy, it's our policy
to ignore customers outright.
How will they find what
they're looking for?
That's not our problem!
This place is so stupid!
Then again!
[Laughing]
Is something wrong, Wyatt?
No, why?
You haven't said a word since
we met at the record store!
I'm comfortable with silence.
Okay, then.
Can I take your order?
Do you have a goat cheese
salad?
Goat's cheese?
Uh... I'll have a green
salad.
Right, and to drink?
Can I have a margarita?
Can I see some I.D.?
Uh...
Virgin margarita, coming
right up.
For you?
A hot dog and fries, please.
You got it, honey.
One hot dog and fries, and a
salad for the fancy boy!
MOVIE CHARACTER: Dude, we
have never rocked a party like
we rocked a party tonight!
Music, tunes, and babes!
Just so you know, I wanted to
take you to see that new
political documentary.
Oh, that's cool.
[Laughing]
Hey, there!
You've gotta help me, man!
I'm with Serena and I can't do
anything right!
Dude--
MOVIE CHARACTER: Ten kegs,
seniors in a pool, what
could go wrong?
Is that Jerry and Pete Get
Busted?
I love that movie!
That's my point!
Caitlin tried to show me how to
act mature, but it's not
working!
MOVIE CHARACTER: Dude, I just
got puked on!
[Laughing]
I bet she's so sorry she went
out with me right now.
[Laughing]
This is just like the
seniors' party last year,
remember?
Wyatt?
Dude, girls don't know what
girls want!
That sounds so ridiculous
that I'm tempted to believe you.
Believe it.
All women, young and old, want a
man to tell them what they want
to hear.
Quick, give me one of your
best lines.
[Whispering]
I can't say that!
Gotta go, good luck, buddy!
Jonesy, Jonesy!
Wyatt, are you okay?
Baby... uh, you may be older
than me, but I'm the Discovery
Channel and you've just got
cable!
[Laughing]
What's with you today?
Dude, if you're gonna use
cheesy lines like that, can you
at least take it outside?
Oh, man, I must be desperate
to impress you if I'm stooping
to use Jonesy's lines!
You mean that's why you've
been putting on this act all
night?
Well, you're so mature, and
together, and beautiful, I
really wanted this date to work
out!
You know, I like your lines
a lot better, Wyatt.
So... what now?
I have a great idea!
Come on!
What are you doing?
Nothing, just buying some--
Hey, only the greeter girls
get to purchase this combination
of tube top and cargo skirt!
Hmm...
CAITLIN: But!
I can't believe this!
Was she trying to buy our
uniform?
Yeah, how sad is that?
We don't let just anybody dress
like us!
[Sighing]
CAITLIN: Please, please,
please!
That's it, I've had enough of
these greeter snobs for one day!
Time to shake this place up a
bit!
We're beautiful!
We are the chosen ones, we're--
Okay, what is that--
[Grunting]
Nobody makes fun of my girl!
[Laughing]
What are you doing?
Just acting like the guys in
your catalogue, bro, trying to
support the team!
[Gasping]
Dude, you are so fired.
And you are way too lame for
us to hang out with!
[Cheering]
C'mon, Caitlin, let's blow this
chicken coop!
[Cheering]
CAITLIN: Um, you could put
your cargos back on now.
And then he mooned the entire
store!
Cool!
Once again, you've managed to
sneak up and impress me, and you
did it by mooning people!
Go figure!
Hey, when you've got a
rearview this good, you can't
hide it forever!
And then you go and blow it
again!
Hey, guys!
Hey, dude!
Hey, guys!
We just rode the vomit comet
times!
It was such a blast!
I felt like a little kid again!
Again, huh?
Nice try, junior!
Hey, you're only one year
older!
A year and a half!
Missed me!
[Laughing]
Yeah, you better run!
Real mature, dude.
♪