01x08 - Breaking Up with the Boss' Son

[bunniefuu]

[Crowd cheering]

All right, boys, there's

seconds on the clock.

Davis just pulled a hammy and

Cooper just peed his pants.

Let's put the women and children

to bed, and go looking for

supper.

- , hup hup!

Whoo!

JEN: Jonesy!

Hey!

What are you doing?

Get out, get out, get out!

Hey, watch who you're barking

at!

I'm a paying customer.

I happen to be shopping for a

football.

Oh, really.

Okay come on.

I'll ring you up.

Sorry.

We've got these sales quotas

here, and I'm kind of behind.

Plus, the only cute guy who

worked here quit yesterday.

So now it's just me and The

Crusher.

[Grunting]

Yeah, yeah!

Whoo!

He's an enforcer.

That'll be $ . .

What?

Do I look like I'm made of

money?

Excuse me.

You're excused.

[Giggling]

Can I kiss you?

Uh, I mean help you?

Hey!

You were helping me!

If you screw this up for me,

I will so make you pay!

So, I get off work at five.

Yeah, me too.

I'm Corey, the new sales

associate here.

Oh, that's great!

I'll show you around.

Masterson!

You've let down your defence!

Jock straps need reorganizing,

Aisle Nine, pronto!

And don't forget to restock the

extra large ones this time!

Right away, Coach!

Excuse me.

I hate my boss.

MAN: Yo, Lardbomb!

Touchdown!

♪

♪ Life begins after school

♪ That's when we bend

all the rules ♪

♪ Time to hang

with all my friends ♪

♪ We like to be together

in a place where we belong ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

starting to find my way ♪

♪ Got a new job

gonna start at the mall today ♪

♪ Thank God I'm on my own

for the first time ♪

♪ I'm sixteen life is sweet

♪ When you're growing up

so fast ♪

♪ You got to make the good

times last ♪

♪

♪ I'm sixteen sixteen

♪ Got to make the good

times last ♪

The first thing you should

know is the boss is a bonehead.

We're talking first-class moron.

Ah, there you are, Masterson.

I see you've met our newest

employee.

Definitely.

Corey here's following in my

footsteps and I couldn't be

prouder.

Isn't that right, son?

You got it, Dad.

The Coach is your father?

[Coughing]: Way to go.

Oh, when I said "bonehead" I

meant it in a really good way.

How can the most perfect guy in

the universe be Coach Halder's

son!?

He's not so great.

I could take him.

Could you imagine kissing

someone related to The Coach?

If I went over to his house to

watch a movie, I'd be at The

Coach's house.

You've got a lot to say for

someone who's dad wears white

track pants.

My dad only wore those out of

the house once.

You guys just all happened to be

there.

I dug that outfit, man.

Well, what do you think,

Nikki?

Personally, I've had it with

slobbery high school guys.

But obviously that's just me.

He is really cute.

What the heck!

What's the worst that can

happen?

Thanks guys!

Listen up, dudes.

We're having a new contest.

Choose the next food on a stick

and win a prize.

I bet the prize sucks.

Nuh-uh.

You could win a lifetime supply

of free Stick-Its.

You're not allowed to give

prizes like that.

I'm the manager.

I can do whatever I want.

Okay.

How about hot dogs on a stick.

Wow, that's good.

Put your entry in the box and I

think you have a chance, little

man.

[Laughing]

Hurry up!

I can't be seen in this dweeb

hangout!

I just need an adapter so my

MP player can read eBooks.

Do you have any idea how

uncool that sounded?

There aren't even any hot chicks

here.

Jerk.

[Gasping]: Man!

The one time!

Thanks.

She was about to buy a new

positronic calculator.

I've got my eye on you.

That guy gives me the

creeps.

Aw, Darth's okay.

Found it.

"Darth's okay"?

You say that like you know him.

I was in audio-visual club

with him a couple years ago.

Can you even spell "cool"

anymore?

[Laughing]

Look man, he's wearing a

cape!

Laugh all you want.

I control who gets discount

cards.

Not any more you don't, geek.

Now that's funny.

[Imitating Darth Vader]: Wyatt,

I am your father.

Jonesy, look, don't touch,

remember?

Dude, will you relax?

It's just a stupid toy.

Okay, option one, you pay a

hundred bucks to replace the

speaker.

Option two, I call mall

security.

Hmm.

Gee, a nickel and a button?

Yeah, but that's a rare

antique button.

Yep, mall security it is.

Darth, buddy, I think I have

a better idea.

Who's the doofus who picked

these shirts for the store

uniform?

Uh, that would be me.

But feel free to add a personal

touch.

Maybe a cape.

As they say in Russia, fat

chance, Igor.

I can't believe you got me

working here!

It's just 'til you pay off

the equipment.

Have fun with it.

Shall we start you off with

the light sabre?

All my employees are trained

Jedis.

I don't want this one.

It's small.

Silence apprentice!

You don't remember me?

Nope.

Can't say that I do.

Atomic wedgies ring a bell?

Hmm.

How about pantsing me in

front of the whole sixth grade?

That was you?

Man, that wedgie must have hurt!

We pulled it over your

shoulders!

Yes.

But now you're mine.

Yes, mine!

[Coughing and wheezing]

Corey, hi.

I wanted to ask you something.

sh**t.

Okay, this is hard.

Okay, I was wondering if you

like, maybe, since you like to

eat, and I like to eat, if you

wanted to, we could like--

Are you asking me out?

Cool, how's tonight?

Really??

I mean, great, great.

Cool.

[Beeping]

Look at that.

Coffee break already.

See you after work.

That was so easy!

Yo.

This blows.

We haven't seen a customer in

two hours.

Of course not.

Everyone's at the astronomy

convention today.

Yeah, everyone who's a loser.

A Jedi Master must take

advantage of slow economic

activity to hone his fighting

skills.

[Breathing heavily]

You've never kissed a chick,

have you?

Do not mock what you can't

understand, young Padawan.

Ouch.

Mastering the lightsaber is

more difficult than it appears.

I'm the top scorer on the

varsity hockey team.

I think I can handle a toy

sword.

Prove it.

[Grunting]

♪

[Groaning]

Ha ha!

I rule!

Hey!

Ouch!

A-ha, you begin to understand

the error of your ways.

I can't believe I got my butt

whipped by a nerd.

Just good no one cool was

here to see it.

Oh, so you wouldn't want the

security tape released, then?

Security tape??

Oh!

Don't worry.

I'll keep the video safe, as

long as you do what I say.

So what you're saying is, I'm

screwed.

Like a light bulb.

So that's how I got the MVP

award in the ninth grade.

Wow, you've really been--

Off-side!!

Oh, come on!

Get the ref some glasses!

Man!

Ah, right, as I was saying, I

won--

Uh, sorry babe.

Just two minutes left in

overtime.

sh**t it!

sh**t the puck!

[Sighing]

Are you almost finished?

Hold on, babe.

I'm in the middle of the fourth

here.

You having fun, right?

Yeah, sure.

So, um, let's do a movie

tomorrow.

I was thinking Manly Fighters

II.

Never heard of it.

Lots of fighting and heads

exploding - you'll love it!

Here, take over for me so I can

get something to drink.

Oh, um, I'm not very good at

this game.

Come on, Masterson, where's

your team spirit?

And remember, it's not how you

play the game, it's whether you

win it!

Now push those buttons!

Move, move!

Hello?

KATE: [span tts:fontStyle="italic"]It's me.

[span tts:fontStyle="italic"]How's your date going?

That's easy.

It's the worst date I've ever

been on in my life.

[span tts:fontStyle="italic"]Game over.

We have nothing in common, he

doesn't listen to me, and he's

bossier than Coach Halder.

And he's already asked me out

again.

I didn't know how to say no!

Wow, I'm so glad I'm not you

right now.

So I guess I just tell Corey

we're not going out again.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't

just dump him!

Why not?

Guys have fragile egos and

this guy's your boss' son.

Wyatt's right, if he's a

jerk, he could probably get his

dad to fire you.

Oh, no, you're right!

I'm stuck with a jerk for

all-eternity.

Hey, eternity is just a state

of mind.

Well if Jen can't break up

with Corey, why can't she get

Corey to break up with her

instead.

Uh, because he likes her.

Sure, he does now.

But not when she becomes a

psycho girlfriend and makes his

life miserable.

That's so diabolical it just

might work.

Way to go, Kaitlin!

It's amazing, you look so

sweet, and yet it's like there's

this inner-cow that's dying to

get out.

I like it.

Thanks!

You're a total cow too!

Now, remember, the goal is to

turn him off so much that he

can't wait to dump you.

How do I do that?

Hmm, I don't know.

Beats me.

Come on, guys, I need you

here.

Ahem, why don't you find out

what guys really hate from the

experts.

We don't know any.

We're talking about us!

Yeah, allow us to teach you

Betties something about the mind

of the dude.

What the heck, they are guys.

We're listening.

All right, start by getting

matching outfits.

That'll turn him off, big-time.

Ah, nice opener, dude.

And phone a guy like every

fifteen minutes.

And tell him you're dreaming

about your wedding day and what

your kids will look like.

Right, this is good stuff.

And use stupid pet names,

like Rasta Honey Party Munchkin.

Uh, try Sweety Poopookins in

a baby voice.

We hate that.

Really?

Wow.

I thought guys thought that was

cute.

Uh, no.

Negatory.

Where's Jonesy.

Maybe he has things he hates

too.

Well, I'm not supposed to

tell you, but I will.

It's too good.

Very tired.

Need rest.

[Groaning]

Not bad, young Padawan.

Not bad at all.

You know, I've got to hand it

to you, Darth.

Why's that?

You got me cornered.

Making that video was pretty

smart.

My IQ is .

I don't even have an IQ.

But I was just thinking.

Maybe we can make a trade.

There must be something I can

give you for that tape.

Hm, you're popular, right?

As a chocolate bar at fat

camp.

And you know a lot of girls?

A chick!?

Now that's my specialty.

Tell me who she is and I know I

can get you a date.

Nikki.

That might be harder than I

thought.

No, way!

Jonesy?

[Gasping]

Nice light sabre, dude!

See, this makes up for a

morning of inventory with the

Clothes.

The gods are just.

Oh, it's my hero, Jones Solo!

[Laughing]

That's her!

Yeah, I know.

You can do it, Jen.

Just focus.

Focus.

You've got a blackbelt in bad

girlfriend kung fu.

Kung Fu.

Now go smother him.

Corey honey, look, I got us

matching sweaters!

[Giggling]

I think she's going to be

fine.

So, Nikki, you got any plans

tonight?

Not really?

Why?

Because I have got the best

guy for you.

No.

He's really smart.

He has a very interesting

personality.

I don't do blind dates.

Nice pocket protector, by the

way.

Okay, look, this guy is

absolutely crazy about you and

he begged me to set you up.

Let me think about it...

nope.

I thought you were

spontaneous.

Why is this so important to

you?

I'm just trying to help two

good friends!

What have you got to lose?

Ugh, fine.

Yes!

You are a great friend.

Six o'clock, food court, see you

there.

I know I'm going to regret

this.

Aw, we look so cute together

in our outfits.

I bet everybody noticed.

Yeah, I guess.

Hold on, there's butter on

this.

Didn't you get the message I

left about healthy eating?

I didn't get a chance to hear

all of them yet.

Well, buttered popcorn is

full of saturated fat.

Ooh look, there's Wyatt!

Hi Wyatt, look!

I'm here with my new boyfriend!

We're going to be together

forever, and ever, and ever!

Congratulations!

Aw Sweetie Poopookins, is

everything okay?

"Sweetie Poopookins"?

We should have a talk.

I want us to share our feelings.

But the movie's about to

start...

But I need to talk.

Wait, you want to break up with

me, don't you?

It's that girl in the volleyball

section, isn't it?

I saw you looking at her!

Are you kidding??

You're like a dream come true!

Excuse me?

I like how you look out for

me.

Making sure I eat right, and

phoning me - over and over and

over!

Aw, Fuzzy Wuzzy Bunnykins.

[Coughing]

Sorry, popcorn stuck in my

throat.

Be right back.

Hello.

Kaitlin, this isn't working!

Corey likes everything I'm

doing, even the really gross

stuff!

Oh, that doesn't sound right.

Maybe he's a girl-boy.

A what??

A girl-boy.

A boy who sometimes acts like a

girl.

This is serious.

He could get attached.

Abort, Jen.

Abort immediately.

It's too late.

I thought you said this would

work!

Maybe you just don't have the

touch.

Oh, I have the touch.

I've turned off tons of guys

before.

Okay, Corey, I am now your new

worst nightmare.

Hi, what you doing?

Hi, I'm just meeting a

friend.

Want to enter my contest

first?

Choose the next food on a stick

and--

[Loudly]: win!

Check it out: we've got crackers

and cheese on a stick, gum on a

stick...

You're good at inventing things.

Yeah, well, if I have nothing

better to do after the world

ends, I'll come back.

Cool.

Nikki, ready for your date.

I guess so.

Where is he?

The pleasure is all mine.

What's he doing here?

He's your date.

The force is strong with this

one.

No, really, what's he doing

here?

Wait, you're setting me up with

Darth?

Are you crazy?

[Laughing]: You two want

milk shakes to start things off?

My treat.

So, who's your favourite

band?

Save it, Yoda.

This is not going to happen.

[Sighing]: I know.

I mean, Jonesy only agreed to

set me up with you because of

the video tape.

Video tape?

What video tape?

Oh, Corey, isn't Frilly and

Pink your favourite store in the

whole, wide world?

I didn't even know it

existed.

I mean, look at this pink,

round thing.

And this frilly stick.

Finally, someone to help me shop

for teddy bears!

I have a collection.

Isn't he the cutie-wootiest?

Oh!

Potpourri, my favourite!

[Sniffing and gagging]

So, having fun yet?

I never knew how soft a

pashmina was before.

These would be so nice to have

at those cold, early morning

football practices.

Unbelievable.

Did anyone tell you you're a

slow walker?

Pick up the pace, Masterson!

Oh, that is it!

Hey, what's the matter?

Don't you like what I bought

you?

Yes, I have always wanted

pink everything.

Aw, you're welcome.

Anything for my fuzzy--

No!

Stop right there.

Corey, it's over!

Come on, I thought you said

you could do this.

You're kind of distracting me

with your beauty.

We're getting revenge on

Jonesy, remember?

Just concentrate on that.

I'm having second thoughts.

Jonesy and I had a deal, and a

Jedi master is nothing without

honour.

Did Jonesy live up to his

side of the bargain?

He set you up with a girl who

thinks you're a freak.

Cool.

I'm over it.

Thanks.

So what does this wire do?

Not that one!

[Short circuiting and yelping]

[Screaming]

You and me are done.

You're breaking up with me?

[Amplified]: Oh, yes.

[span tts:fontStyle="italic"]But why?

JEN: [span tts:fontStyle="italic"]Why?

[span tts:fontStyle="italic"]Because I've had more

[span tts:fontStyle="italic"]stimulating conversations with

[span tts:fontStyle="italic"]a tree!

[span tts:fontStyle="italic"]You're completely

[span tts:fontStyle="italic"]self-involved, you like dumb

[span tts:fontStyle="italic"]movies, and you're a mushy

[span tts:fontStyle="italic"]little girl-boy.

[span tts:fontStyle="italic"]You suck, Corey Halder!

Okay, maybe I chose the wrong

wire.

[Gasping]

[Laughing nervously] Was that

my outside voice?

Man, what a relief!

I wanted to break up with you

too!

Shut up!

Yeah, but my dad told me you

could sue the store for

harassment and told me to suck

it up and take one for the team.

So you didn't really like all

that girly stuff?

Heck no.

That's great!

Hey wait, isn't taking one for

the team a bad thing?

Uh, usually.

See you.

Now that was the right wire.

No way!

[Laughing]

So then I scored the winning

goal in overtime.

It was awesome.

[Laughing]

I can see you're impressed.

Here's my number.

What happened?

What'd I do?

Noooooo!

Nasty.

Dude, you got rocked by that

geek.

[Laughing]

Uh, I'm not dating for a

while.

Thanks.

Whoo, that was a hard day at

the store.

Kind of awkward working with

Corey now, I guess, huh?

No, he transferred to another

location.

Funny, he wouldn't tell me which

one.

Hey Nikki, I just have to

ask; how did you convince Darth

to give you that video tape?

Do we have to bring up the

tape again?

It wasn't so hard, I just

paid him the rest of the money

Jonesy owed.

That was nice of you.

I thought Jonesy was going to

work it off at the Stereo Shack.

Oh, he was, but he got fired.

I guess he just didn't have what

it took to be a real Jedi

Knight.

Besides, paying Darth was such a

small price for a memory that

lasts a lifetime.

[Laughing]

That's it, laugh it up.

Just don't forget who has that

picture of you tap-dancing in

first grade.

You do not!

Do to!

In fact--

Jonesy, don't do it!

I'm warning you.

[Laughing]

WYATT: Nice hat!

[Laughing continues]

Give me that!

♪