02x16 - Miss Cathcart's Friend

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Dennis the Menace". Aired: October 4, 1959 – July 7, 1963.*
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Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.
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02x16 - Miss Cathcart's Friend

Post by bunniefuu »

[theme music]

HENRY MITCHELL

was your light on again?
-Well.

-What's that thing?

-It's a horse head skeleton.

Johnny Morton's father
found it on the desert.

[chuckle]

-Dad?
-Yeah?

-How much money
will the good fairy

leave me if I put a tinny
little baby tooth

under my pillow?

-Oh, have you got
another lose one?

Let's see.

The last time, the good
fairy last you $ . .

-Boy, can you imagine what
she'll leave me tonight

when she finds this
big old horse's tooth?

-Dennis.

[theme music]

-You ready to go
ringing doorbells?

-I sure am.

-Hey, where's your sneakers?

-My sneakers?

-Sure.

If we're gonna go
ringing doorbells,

we gotta be ready to run
before they catch us.

[chuckle]

-Dennis, ringing doorbells
is just an expression.

We're going from
door to door asking

people what they'd like togive
to the charity drive.

-I bet I know what Freddy
Long would like to give.

-What?

-His new baby brother.

-Don't you just love
this old bone pitcher.

It's a cocoa pitcher
really, you know.

My grandmother gave it meas part
of my trousseau Oh,

the doilies I tatted myself.

They were tatted
by loving hands,

you might say, for a hope chest.

-Uh, I should get
back to finishing

that TV set of
yours, Miss Cathcart.

You're paying me by
the hour, ya know.

-Don't fret about
the expense, Maurice.

After all, everyone's entitled to
a coffee break now and then,

especially men.

Now, isn't this is
a cozy love seat?

It's stuffed with
real horse hair.

-Oh, I could tell.

Well, I'd better
be getting back.

-Oh, you haven't even
touched your coffee.

And I brewed this pot
just the way mother,

may she rest in peace,
always used to brew it.

I added just a touch of salt.

-I-- it's nice.

-Do you really like it?

-Yes, but it's just
a little too salty.

-Oh, well have another sugar.

-No.
I'd better fix your TV.

-Oh now, Maurice, that can wait.

Rome wasn't fixed in a day.

You know, I had no idea thatyou
were single too, Maurice.

Oh, I just love your
name, Maurice, You know,

there aren't many
Maurice's around

anymore are there?

-I promised a lot of customers
for today, Miss Cath--

-Oh now, why don't
you call me Esther?

After all, I call you Maurice.

You know, I had no idea that
you were single too.

And I can usually
sense a single person.

Uh.

Mother, may she rest
in peace, always said

that a man should have
a helpmate by his side

when he toiled.

Can I help you here, Maurice?

-Well, if I could just have a
little elbow room.

-Oh, surely.

-Now, let me at this for
a second, and you'll--

-Yul!

That's it.

I've been trying all
day to r-- remember

who you reminded me of.

Yul Brynner.
-Brenner?

[doorbell]

-Can't say that I
know the family.

[doorbell]

-That should've done it.

Now, wait until you
see the picture.

[doorbell]

-Just a minute.

I won't be long.

-I can't understand why that set
hasn't warmed up yet.

-Hi, Miss Cathcart.

Where were ya, in the bathtub?

-Dennis!

-Hello, Dennis.

How are you, Alice?

[laughing]

-Dennis and I are collecting
for the charity drive.

-Oh, well, what's
everybody else giving?

-You're the first,
Miss Cathcart.

-Well, whatever everyone
else gives, I'll give.

-I'll just stay here and eat some
of those swell cookies

you make until Mom finds out
about everybody else.

-Oh, no.

No, don't do that!

What about $ ?

Uh, $ ?

Would $ be all right?

-Hey, Mom.

This is where good old
Miss Cathcart keeps the gumdrops.

You're not gonna watch
TV, Mister, as long as

that plug's out.

[clearing throat]
-Oh!

Here's your $ , Alice.

-Oh, thank you, Miss Cathcart.

Now just a moment, I'll
write you a receipt.

-Oh, no.
I really haven't time.

I mean, I really don't need one.

Excuse me.

Please don't go.

-Oh, we won't, Miss Cathcart.

-Dennis, Miss Cathcart
wasn't talking to you.

-Haha.

Excuse me, Maurice.

Do you know Mrs. Mitchell?

-How do you do?

-Nice to meet you.

-Uh, same here.

And, uh, thanks Sonny.

-For what?

-Oh, just let it go with thanks.

-What do I owe you?

-I'll send you the bill.

-Well, look, why
don't I give you

some coffee in my
Thermos bottle?

Now, there's no rush
about returning it.

I won't need it until tonight.

-I get heartburn
from too much coffee.

-Oh.

Maurice, I've got
some bicarbonate.

[phone ringing]

-Here.

[phone ringing]

-Hello?

Oh, hello, Adelaide.

We just got back.

Oh, we did pretty well.

I collected $ .

Do you know, Miss
Cathcart gave $ ?

Wasn't that nice of her?

Yes, I agree.

It would be the best thing
in the world for her.

Well, fine.

I'll drop the money
by sometime tomorrow.

All right, Adelaide.

Bye.

-Mom, what would be the best
thing for Miss Cathcart?

-Oh, we were just
thinking how nice

it would be if Miss Cathcart
had a, best friend.

Well, someone around to
protect her and take care of her.

-What do you mean?

-Well, you know, uh--

[stuttering]

-Well, I said it, a best friend.

That's all.

-Any best friend of good old
Miss Cathcart's would

be a best friend of mine.

[doorbell]

-I'll get it.

-It's Mr. Wilson.

Hey, Mom.

It's Mr. Wilson!

Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Want to trade baseball cards?

-Baseball cards?

-Oh, come in, Mr. Wilson.
-Thank you.

-Uh, Mrs.
Singerman over on Sage

Street just called me.

The dog catcher
grabbed Fremont,

and Martha's out
shopping with the car.

-Oh, would you like me
to drive you somewhere?

-Oh, that would be wonderful.

Poor Fremont's
probably in the pound.

-In the pound?

-That's awful.

Hey, what's the pound, Mom?

-Oh, Dennis, it's
a place where they

take stray dogs, dogs that get
lost or don't have a home.

-Well, I certainly
appreciate this Alice.

-Oh, I'll just get my purse.

-Oh.

-I bet you sure feel lonesome
without old Fremont.

-Oh, yes, Dennis.

A man's best friend is his dog.

-After his mother.

[dogs barking]

-(ANGRILY) My name's
Dennis Mitchell.

-Oh, I'm Leo Trinkle.

I'm glad to know ya.

-(ANGRILY) Where's
the dog catcher?

-Well, they don't call
us dog catchers no more.

I'm listed as a
canine social worker.

-He's the dog
catcher, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, hello there.

-I can't understand why you
people picked up my dog.

-Well, if they're off the leash,
we gotta pick them up.

That's a law.

-Well, where is my dog?

-He's a Cairn Terrier.

-Oh, well, uh-- oh, Cairn,
Cairn, Cairn Terrier.

A small terrier, uh, from the
Isle of, uh Isle of Skye,

resemble a West Highland Terrier,
a white terrier.

There, how's that?

[barking]

-Where is my dog?

-Well, uh, what's his name?

-Uh, Fremont.

-Fremont?

The names they give
dogs these da--

whatever happened to
names like Brownie,

and Fido, and
Blackie, and Rover?

[dogs howling]

-Will you dogs please
be quiet back there?

-Would you please get my dog?

-Is it fun being a dog catcher?

-Well, uh, it's OK.

It's a job.

A couple of years ago, my
wife wanted me to get

on one of them

quiz shows, ya know.

So I goes out, and gets
me a category, dogs.

By the time I get dogs
down cold, well hey,

those darn quiz shows
was off the air.

And there I was stuck with all
that dope about dogs.

So I-- I got me this job.

It's, um, OK.

Good hours.

-Would you please
get my dog Fremont?

-Oh, yeah.
I, uh--

[barking]

-Names they give dogs.

Uh, hello Maude?

Uh, we got a Cairn Terrier
back there by the name

of Freedman?

-Fremont, not Freedman!

-OK, well, correction Maude.

Uh, Fremont.

Yeah, uh, check that out please.

-What kind of a dog is this?

LEO TRINKLE
(OFFSCREEN): Oh, he's

just a big mutt, part Airedale,
part Afghan Hound.

Eh, let's see.

Airedale.

Airedale from the
valley of the river

Aire in, uh, Yorkshire, England.

Uh, well, let's see-- oh, these
two-part questions.

A Afghan Hound from
Afghanistan used

to hunt lions and leopards.

Yeah, how's that?

-What about my dog?

-Yeah, Maude's checking on it.

You know, I always say a dog is a
man's best friend,

even though some of them
do give me the hives.

-Is a dog a lady's
best friend too?

-Well, I guess so.

-He is an interesting dog.

-Yeah, uh, dates
back to, uh, BC.

Came from the orient
and, uh, China.

And, uh, that is the Afghan part
of-- and, uh, uh, Air-- oh.

Maude, checking on that Cairn?

-What's the big dog's name?

-Well, I think it's Arthur.

-That-- at least, that's
what was on the tag.

And it said Arthur.

And the rest was
kind of faded away.

Uh, names they give
dogs these days.

I tell you.

-I hope you find a
nice home for Arthur.

-Well, you know,
Son, that's the part

I like best about this job.

Finding nice homes
for these dogs.

I-- I-- I got him out here.

He's-- he's kind of like, uh,
hah, this week's special.

Hahaha.

-He doesn't look like a very well
trained animal to me.

Arthur--
[snap]

-Come on.
Sit up, boy.

Up Arthur.

Up, up, up boy, up.

Ah, isn't eve trained at all.

-I bet you could
train him, Mr. Wilson.

-Well, I have had some
experience with dogs

before, you know.

You give me an hour
or so with any animal,

and I'll give you a
better behaved beast.

MAUDE (ON INTERCOM):
Mr. Trinkle?

Got one Cairn ready to go.

-Oh.

Well, that's you.

Well, come on.

We'll go in the back
here and sort of things.

You know, it's nice
talking with a man

who knows so much about dogs.

[whimper]

-It sure would be nice
if someone found a good home

for old Arthur wouldn't it, Mom?

-Yes it would, Dear.

[whimper]

-I won.

What I meant was that because
good old Miss Cathcart

needed something to protect her
and to take care of her,

that Arthur would be it.

-A dog sure could protect Miss
Cathcart, all right.

-Should we go tell Miss
Cathcart about Arthur?

-Race ya.

-Oh Henry, you're
as bad as Dennis.

Don't wash in the sink.

-Oh, haha.

Honey, don't be
an old fuddy-dud.

-Sorry.

-Honestly, what's so wrong with
washing in the sink?

-Well, nothing really, but--

-Now don't get mad, but
you know what I think?

It's because your mother said it
to you that you say it to us.

-Could be.

-Well, that's the
first time I ever

said anything about
your family and didn't

get into an argument.

-I guess the marriage is
going to work after all.

-Where's Dennis?

-He's out playing with Tommy.

Oh Henry, he was so
cute at the pound today.

-How come?

-Well, he was so concerned
about getting homes

for all those dogs.

-Hah, that's when Dennis
scares me the most.

-When Dear?

-When he gets concerned.

[chuckle]
[chuckle]

-I'm glad you smiled
when you said that.

-Well, that was a nervous smile.

-We just gotta tell
you about Arthur.

-Shh.

Now listen, Dennis and Tommy.

Why don't you come
back tomorrow?

And I'll make you some cookies.

-What you looking for?

-My tube checker.

I came back for my tube checker.

-What's a tube
checker look like?

-Isn't that your mother
calling you Tommy?

-She never calls.

She rings a cowbell.

-If you're looking for a little
box, Mr., you're cold.

-Oh, Dennis, why don't you
come out to the kitchen.

I've got something to show you!
-Warmer!

-Dennis, wait until
you see what I got--

-Warmer, warmer!

-Hot!
-Oh.

[breathing heavily]

-Oh my!

How on earth did that
get there, Maurice?

-I can't imagine, Miss Cathcart.

-I wish you'd call me Esther.
-Thanks, fellas.

Bye.

-You too, Maurice.

-Could we tell you
about Arthur now?

-He's a very nice big
dog, Miss Cathcart.

-Uh huh.

-Isn't Arthur a nice name?

-Arthur?

-Sure.

The best friend
we're getting for ya.

-Oh, yea-- yes.

-You want him, don't ya?

-We told him about you.
-Oh, here.

Let me get something for you.
Here, boys.

Have a taste both of you.

-Dennis says he has
kind of short hair.

-Oh.

-Do you like them with
long hair or short hair?

-Long hair or short hair? Oh,
come on over and sit down.

Come on boys.

I really don't
care if he's bald.

-I've never seen a bald one.
-Well, listen.

Tell me all about Arthur.

Where's he from?
Where does he live?

And what's he like?

Dennis says Arthur
was a lion hunter.

-In Africa, but he's from China.

-Oh.
Oh here.

Have another piece of cake.

Here.

Oh, now you're sure,
he has no family?

No, um--

-He's all by himself.

-Oh.

-And that's no way
for a dog to live.

-That's no way for
anyone to live.

-I'll bring him over
in a little while.

-You will?

Here, have another
piece of candy.

You're gonna bring him
over in a little while.

Oh my.

Oh, what about dinner?

Could he come and
stay to dinner?

-If you like him, he
could stay for good.

-For good?

Oh, my-- [swoons] Oh.

-We got a home for you, Arthur.
-Yes, sir.

-There you are, Son.

-Thanks.

-That'll be $ .

-$ ?

-Boy, that's an expensive gift.

-Oh, you giving him to somebody?

-To Miss Cathcart
over on Maple Avenue.

She needs a best friend.

-Well, I think that's real nice.

-But I can't get it for her now
on account of I could only

jiggle $ . out
of my piggy bank.

-And I've only got a dime.

-Sold.

Tell you what I'll do.

I'll make up the
difference myself.

-Gee thanks--
-Thanks!

-Mr. Trinkle!

-Oh, that's all right.

Now let me tell
you about has diet.

He gets about a pound and
a quarter of meat a day.

Now, you tell that
Miss Carhart--

-Cathcart over on Maple Avenue.

-Eh, Miss-- eh, yeah.

You tell her not to
give him vegetables

like broccoli or
brussel sprouts.

Uh, he can have, oh, maybe, uh, a
raw egg and a little cottage

cheese.

-You don't have to
worry about feeding him.

Miss Cathcart's a good cook.

[dogs fussing]

-Will you dogs please be quiet?

The kids are talking out here.

-Gee, thanks a lot, Mr. Trinkle.
-Oh that's all right.

I'm glad to see him
get such a nice home.

Now, if you know
of any other people

that need a dog,
why you come on it

because the place is
just full of them.

Oh, look.

Hives.

-Bye, Mr. Trinkle.

[dog barking]

-Guess what we got, Mr. Wilson.

-Great Scott.

Arthur.

-For Miss Cathcart.

-Have you told Miss
Cathcart about Arthur?

-Yeah.

-Boy, if you could
him something,

wouldn't Miss Cathcart be happy?

[chuckling]
-Well.

[chuckling]

-Jeepers, Tommy.

I bet you didn't know that
good old Mr. Wilson did

a lot of training in his days.

He's a great animal trainer
aren't ya, Mr. Wilson?

-Well, I have done
some work in the field.

[dog fussing]
[snap]

-Down Arthur.
Go on.

Go on.
Get down.

Get down.

[ruff]

-What are you making
him do now, Mr. Wilson?

I-- I'm not making
him do anything yet.

Poor beast is starved
[whimper]

-for affection.

-How long do you think it'll take
to train him, Mr.

Wilson?

-Quite a while, I'm afraid.

-I better go tell Miss
Cathcart that he's

gonna be late for supper.

Don't go away, Mr. Wilson.
-Down.

[whimper]

[doorbell]

-Down here, Miss Cathcart.

Arthur's gonna be
late for supper.

He's sitting down
with Mr. Wilson,

but we'll give him
away in a few minutes.

-Oh, good.

Have you, um-- have you talked
to Arthur about me?

-Oh, we talked about
a lot of things.

-Like what?

-Food.

-He can't have broccoli,
or russel sprouts,

or things like that.

-Those adventurers always
have bad stomachs.

Well, I'll fix him
something bland, marvelous,

but bland.

-We'd better get back
before Mr. Wilson maybe

spoils his appetite.

-Oh, bye.

Oh my.

[dogs barking]

-A lot of hives.

Ooh.
Yes, sir?

-My name is Prilych,
P-R-I-L-Y-C-H.

I'm a traveling man.

Been around this neck of the
woods for about a week.

-Yes, sir?

-I lost my dog.

-Aw, that's too bad.

But I guess we all
got to go sometime.

--I don't mean that.

I mean lost, missing.

-Oh, uh, what breed?

-Well, he has an Airedale front
and an Afghan back.

-We've got him.

-You have?

-Yep, uh, by the name Arthur?

-No.

Arthur is my name.

The dog's name is Zambezi.

My name is on the tag I think.

-Oh, well, I-- I thought the name
on-- on the tag was his.

-[chuckling]

-Y-- you know, them--them--
them nut names are

given to these dogs nowadays.

-I've checked every
town in the county.

Am I glad he's here.

-Yeah, we sold him.

-Sold him?

-Yeah, I-- I can
give you the name

of the lady the kid gave him to.

Let's see.

It, uh-- here we are.

Kid's name is Dennis Mitchell.

And he gave him to a
Miss Esther Catheart,

uh, Carhart, uh,
Cath-- Cathcart.

Yeah, she lives over
on Maple, Maple.

Yeah, there you are.

-Sorry, Mr. Wilson,
but we can't let

you train Arthur
anymore right now.

Miss Cathcart's got
his supper ready.

-Come on, Arthur.

[barking]

ALICE MITCHELL

Mr. Wilson, have
you seen Dennis?

Oh, heh, he-- he was here,
but left a while ago

on his errand of mercy.

-What?

-He was taking Arthur
over to Miss Cathcart's.

-Ar-- oh no, not that big dog?
[gasp]

[doorbell]

-Miss, uh, Cathcart?

-Yes?-Do you know a
Dennis Mitchell?

-Arthur?

-Yes, that's my name.

-Well, wait until you see what
I've whipped up, Arthur.

Come in.
Give me your hat.

I've never know a
lion hunter before.

I did see "Trader
Horn" years ago.

I was just a child,
but I remember it well.

Come along.
Sit down, Arthur.

There.

Look, chopsticks.

And I can use either hand.

I'm a switch eater.

-But Miss Cathcart, I--

-I wish you'd call me Esther.

After all, I call you Arthur.

Oh, would you like some tea?

It's Lapsang Souchung.

-But Miss Cathcart, there
must be some mistake.

-Oh, perhaps you
prefer Oolong tea.

[doorbell]

-It's probably a peddler.

Just ignore it.

You were saying?

-I was saying?

[doorbell]

-Excuse me.

[chuckle]

-He's here, Miss Cathcart.

-I know.

Thank you.

It was our little matchmaker.

He is a darling.

-Miss Cathcart, I don't
know whether you know why I came.

-I know.

And I know you won't believe
it when I tell you

that I had a feeling about
this only this morning

while the television
repairman was here.

It was In my horoscope.

You see, I'm a
Taurus on the cusp.

Shakespeare was a Taurus, too.

Now, Mother was a
Pisces on the cusp, too,

and Father was an elk.

[doorbell]

-Oh, excuse me.

I do hope you like
Egg Foo Young.

I'll get to learn about
your African dishes.

[doorbell]

-Tommy, Dennis, we're
just getting to know each other.

Now, thank you so much.

He's charming.

Dennis, the young
folks want to be alone.

-But-- but you didn't
even look at Arthur.

-Look at him?

I can't take my eyes off of him.

-Is he always wagging his tail?

-What?

-Look at him wagging.

[whimper]

-You ever see a
better best friend?

-And he's all yours from Dennis.

-Zambezi.

[barking]

-Zambezi, haha!

[barking]

-You sure have trouble
with that TV set.

-My television set.

Wrecked!

-Oh, never mind. I'll get
it fixed for ya.

I'll fix it.

[doorbell]

-I'll get it.

-Oh, Dennis.

Mr. Wilson just told
us about the dog.

-Dennis was just trying to
find a home for the dog.

-Well, this dog has a home.

-Dennis, did you do that?

-No, he didn't do it.

I did it.

That is, the dog did it.

My name is Prylich.

-Oh, Henry Mitchell.

Uh, this is my wife, Alice.

-How do you do?

-This is Arthur, Dad.

-No, young man.

I am Arthur.

The dog's name is Zambezi.

My wife named him that.

-You're married?

-I feel awful about
the set, Miss Cathcart.

-Well, I just feel awful.

-Oh.

Well now, don't think
about it, Ma'am.

I'm in the game.

Regional Manager
Intercontinental Tube.

I'll have one of my repairman
fix that in no time.

And you know what
I'm going to do?

I'm going to give this
little lady here--

I'm going to give
her a free TV service

policy for a whole year.

-Oh, well, that
won't be necessary.

The dog didn't do it on purpose.

-Ah, well, the whole thing
has been embarrassing.

And I just want
you to know how we

are at Intercontinental Tube.

Now you pick a TV
repairman, and we'll

pay for all it's of his callsto
you for the next year.

-Yes, that's a very good idea.

-Now you just pick a
TV man for yourself.

-Well, when do I start picking?

--The set's on the
fritz now, isn't it?

Why not begin right now?

-All right.

Maurice, excuse me.

He's not married.

-And young man, I'd like togive
you a little something too.

After all, you're really the
one who found my dog.

-Oh, that won't be necessary,
Mr. Prylich, really.

-But I insist.

Here you are, $ .
[gasp]

-Uh--uh, really, Mr. Prylich--

-$ ?

And do I know what
I can do with this!

-Is Maurice there, please?

Well, it's personal.

Esther.

Just say it's Esther.

-Well, thanks, Mr. Prylich.

Uh, I mean, uh,
where did Dennis go?

-Uh, good bye, Mr. Prylich.

-Uh, Mrs. Mitchell.

-Hello, Maurice?

It's Esther.

Guess.

Go on, guess.

Esther Cath-- rhymes with heart.

Esther Cathcart, silly.

[chuckle]

-Wait until you hear howI broke
the set this time.

[laughing]DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Mr.

Wilson!

Mr. Wilson!

Mr. Wilson!

Mr. Wilson!

[dogs barking]

-Martha!

Martha!

-I got more best friends
for you to train.

Isn't that swell?

-Martha!

Great Scott, Martha!

[barking]

[theme music]
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