[RIK HOWARD & BOB WIRTH'S
"TOGETHER" PLAYING]
♪ Here we are, face to face ♪
♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪
♪ Hopin' to find ♪
♪ We're two of a kind ♪
♪ Making a go ♪
♪ Making it grow ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ Taking the time each day ♪
♪ To learn all about
Those things ♪
♪ You just can't buy ♪
♪ Two silver spoons together ♪
♪ You and I together ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ You and I together ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ You and I together ♪
Any sign of grandfather?
RICK: Not yet.
[BRAKES SCREECH]
[HORN HONKING]
Wait, a limousine almost
ran down the gardener.
Right on time too.
The way he's been complaining
about this vacation,
I'm surprised
he showed up at all.
You can't get him away
from business.
Remember when I urged him
to buy golf clubs?
Yeah. He tried to buy
Pebble Beach,
Augusta and St. Andrews.
He has to take this vacation.
The doctor said so.
Here he comes.
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
Grandfather.
Come on in.
RICK: Stay right there, okay?
All right.
[ALL CHEERING]
EDWARD: Huh?
How very festive.
Come on, you'll love Hawaii.
It's great.
The surfing is tubular.
That's why I packed
my second wetsuit.
See,
you're loosening up already.
I would rather stay here
and stay tight.
Well, you can get tight
on your vacation.
Come on, relax.
Oh, we got you some
great going-away presents.
Ah, you shouldn't
have wasted your money.
We're just happy
you're going away.
For a good time.
What is this?
It's a shirt.
Grandfather, you look so...
So with it, heh.
I look like the flag
of a banana republic.
And for when
you've had enough sun...
Grandfather, you look marvelous!
[EDWARD LAUGHS]
If you're gonna catch
that plane, we'd better go.
I have to call my office.
No, you don't call your office.
Come on, quit stalling.
You're going on your vacation.
All right. All right.
Don't forget your presents.
Here you go.
Come on, those hula girls
are waiting for you.
Richard...
am I standing on a carousel?
No.
Well, then I am
in very deep trouble.
Welcome home, Grandfather.
Doctor, will you
stop pushing me?
I can do this myself.
Who put that wall there?
We'll have it removed.
Are you okay?
Yes, I'm okay.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to call my broker.
No, Father. You just
got out of the hospital
for an att*ck
of high blood pressure.
It's not something
you should take lightly.
Whoa!
I want you to avoid business
of any kind for at least a week.
I don't even want you
to read about it.
Hooey!
Grandfather, you have
to listen to him, okay?
Look, I've listened
to his father
and to his father before him,
and I outlived them both.
And I shall outlive him too.
Out of my way.
Ow!
I think I hear my beeper.
Be sure to get plenty of rest.
I don't need any rest!
I was talking
to Edward and Rick.
Now, then,
put the phone bank there,
and my secretaries
can go in there.
There will be no phone bank
and no secretaries.
Let me go home then!
Oh, sure. Where you can
run over your servants
if they don't do what you want?
You'd be back in the hospital
in no time.
[YELLS]
[YELLS]
You're feeling better already,
aren't you?
Did I hear somebody ask
for some nice, hot,
homemade chicken soup?
No. Chicken soup is
for sick people.
No, it's for grouches too.
Come on, you'll love this.
Chicken soup is
supposed to be yellow,
not beige.
Where's the chicken?
This is broth, not soup.
You're supposed to eat it,
not review it.
And why is it cold?
Because you've been
studying it for half an hour.
There's no salt in it.
Kate spent all day making--
Edward, it's all right.
No, Kate, it's not all right.
Watch your tone, Edward.
You are not supposed
to upset me.
I will get you some salt.
That's woman's work.
Let Kate get it.
I don't think anyone
should get you salt.
It's bad
for your blood pressure.
Good thinking.
I'm going to help
the woman in the kitchen.
How contemporary.
Well, Grandfather,
what do you wanna do?
The Stratton resort is
filled with activities.
Well, for example?
Um, well,
we've got computer games,
chess, uh, TV.
TV? All right, let's turn on
The Wall Street Report.
The doctor said no business.
All right, then no TV.
Dynasty is gonna be on
later tonight.
Dynasty?
Isn't that the show
with all those
middle-class shenanigans?
No.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll get it.
No, let me get the door.
No, it'll give me
something to do.
Hey! Richard! Richard, help!
Hold on!
Richard! Richard!
Oh!
Okay. Under control.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Hi, Rick. What's going on?
Oh, I was just taking
my grandfather for a spin.
Look what I just traded for.
A of Dom DiMaggio.
Wow! Mr. Coffee's brother.
Wait till you see this.
A Whitey Ford.
This is worth a lot, you know.
And I got it for bucks.
If you sold this tomorrow,
you could double your money.
Uh, is this some form
of trading here?
Yeah, you try to collect cards
that are hardest to find.
And what establishes
the value of these cards?
A lot of things. The age
and condition of the card,
whether the player
got into the Hall of Fame,
how many cards are available...
Like when there's a sudden
shortage of soybeans, huh?
I don't know.
I don't collect soybeans.
I gotta go.
Does he talk about beans a lot?
No. Sometimes he talks
about pork bellies.
Poor guy.
See you.
Richard, is there a commission
that regulates trading
in these cards?
No, it's just
a bunch of collectors.
You mean it's an open market
with no government
interference, huh?
How enthralling.
And you like to trade
in these cards?
Are you kidding?
Look at this. Here it is.
A Minnie Miñoso rookie card.
Minnie Miñoso?
I didn't know
they had women players.
You're not much of
a baseball fan, are you?
No, but I did get to fire
George Steinbrenner once.
Look, I like your father,
but what kind of a guest
gives his host
a -page schedule?
That bad, huh?
[SIGHS]
At : a.m.,
he wants his shoes
picked up and polished.
Well, I'm not going to do it.
Why, are we out of polish?
Kidding, kidding.
And then,
after his bath is drawn,
he wants to have
his suit pressed.
Lucky he didn't ask you
to iron his money.
Look at page seven.
Kidding, kidding.
May I make a suggestion?
[GROANS]
We treat this with
the same patience and tolerance
as when your mother
visited last month.
Are you comparing
your father to my mother?
Ha! That's like comparing
apples and hand grenades!
My mother doesn't go around
making lists.
Your mother doesn't
go around making anything.
She just sits there.
She sits there because she likes
to stay out of the way.
Unlike a certain
Mussolini on wheels.
You calling my father
a dictator?
I wouldn't dare.
He might have me sh*t.
Hi. How's it going?
We're having
a little disagreement.
No, we're not.
We're having a big fight.
Aw, you guys!
Guess who, uh, wants to know
everything there is
about baseball cards?
Not my father?
It's all he wants to talk about.
Well, that's great.
Encourage him.
Keep him busy.
It might be good for him.
And for us.
GRANDFATHER:
Richard! Oh, Richard!
I told him the average
baseball player salary
was , a year.
He wants me to go out
and buy him a baseball mitt.
[LAUGHS]
How about that, huh? My father,
interested in baseball cards.
Maybe he's finally
mellowing after all.
And maybe President Reagan is
getting a gray hair.
Well, how's it going?
Richard, there is a time
in the life of every man
who's lucky and wise
when he suddenly sees a chance
for more success than
he has ever dreamed of before.
I have just found a way
to clean up in
the baseball card market.
[CACKLING]
Hold?
My dear young woman,
there are those who hold
and those
who put others on hold.
I am of the latter persuasion.
So get him right away.
Drat.
Well, I got them.
I went to every baseball card
dealer in New York, and look!
Gently! Gently!
Look.
Look at the sun
shining on
their pristine edges.
Beautiful.
You think Tommy Lasorda's
beautiful?
How many Lasorda cards
did you buy?
Well, all I could get was .
Why did you only get ?
Because that's all there were,
grandfather.
That's all there were.
And we've got them all.
[CACKLING]
Why do you keep
laughing like that?
That, my boy, is
the laugh of a man
who's known the joys of power!
And you, Richard, Lord willing,
will laugh like that one day.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Let's hope it doesn't
hit when I'm at school, though.
Hello?
Yes, he's here.
Peter Ueberroth?
It's Peter Ueberroth,
the commissioner of baseball!
Ueberroth?
Listen, about this rumor
about Tommy Lasorda,
about his being a shoo-in
for the Baseball Hall of Fame.
He's laughing hysterically.
So then you'll deny it
to the press, huh?
All right. Thank you,
Ueberroth. That'll be all.
Grandfather,
the only Hall of Fame
Tommy Lasorda is a shoo-in for
is for
the pasta hall of fame.
He's only played a few seasons.
Then who do you think
started this rumor?
I haven't heard any rumor...
until now.
So that when
Ueberroth denies it,
the newspapers
won't believe him.
Certainly my newspapers won't.
I don't get this.
Because you're not thinking.
Now, let us investigate
whether Mother Nature has
leapfrogged your father
and endowed you with
my genius for finance.
Now then...
what effect will this rumor have
on the price of baseball cards?
I suppose if people think he's
going into the Hall of Fame,
they'll wanna buy
his baseball card.
Continue.
But they can't buy the cards
because I bought them all.
That's right. Go on.
So people will be
desperate to buy them!
The bloodline is beginning
to assert itself. Go on.
And since we own
all the cards...
Yes?
...we can set whatever price
we want to!
[LAUGHING]
[BOTH CACKLING]
Kate, is the paper here yet?
Uh, it's on the chair.
Morning, Rick.
Oh, yeah. Hi, Kate.
What would you like
for breakfast?
I don't care.
Fine, you can have
what your grandfather's having:
a fresh lobster omelet.
It's here, Kate! It's here!
Listen to this! Listen.
"Baseball commissioner
Peter Ueberroth
refuses to confirm or deny
the rumor that Tommy Lasorda
will be voted into
the Hall of Fame,
leading to speculation
that the Dodger manager
is going to be a surprise choice
for the Cooperstown shrine."
Do you realize what this means?
No.
Oh, boy, I've got to tell
Grandfather.
Well, tell your
grandfather that...
Bob will be ready in minutes.
Sorry, Bob.
Omm...
Omm...
Dad? What are you doing?
Meditating.
Omm...
I never knew
you were into that.
I wasn't...
until my father
moved in with us.
Omm...
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll get it.
Omm...
[SIGHS]
Alfonso, what's up?
Nothing much.
Why is your dad
sitting on the floor?
Heh, he's meditating.
I'm sorry.
I was wondering if you had
any Dodger cards to get rid of.
Oh. Any Dodgers in particular?
Not really. Uh, Duke Snider...
maybe Pee Wee Reese...
Tommy Lasorda?
Who?
Tommy Lasorda.
Lasorda?
Why would you want a Lasorda?
Uh, I'm collecting
left-handed Italian pitchers
who became managers.
Do you have any?
Gee, I might have one here.
Let me check.
Hmm, Lasorda...
Lasorda, Lasorda.
No, I'm afraid you're out of--
Oh! You're in luck!
I have one!
Great! How much?
Um...
Fifteen dollars.
Fifteen dollars?
For Tommy Lasorda?
Come on, we're pals.
This is a valuable commodity.
[MOUTHS]
Commodity?
All I've got is bucks.
See for yourself.
Okay. Toss the wallet in,
and it's a deal.
Can I have the picture
of my mother?
Okay.
And here's your Lasorda.
You're lucky I could find
the one card
you needed to complete
your collection.
Yeah.
Listen, if you want any more,
just let me know.
[CACKLING]
Ow, baby!
Rick-- Ugh.
Rick.
What was that all about?
What?
That. Taking advantage
of Alfonso that way.
You've got it wrong.
He was taking advantage of me,
pretending he knew
nothing about Lasorda.
I was just exploiting
market fluctuations.
Exploiting market fluctuations?
You sound like
your grandfather.
The bloodline
is asserting itself!
Heh, I've gotta tell him
our plan is working.
Wait a minute,
what plan is working?
Get this. Grandfather,
he started this rumor
Lasorda's getting
into the Hall of Fame.
You admire that?
Who wouldn't?
I wouldn't!
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello? Oh, hi, Freddy.
You wanna know if Rick
has any Tommy Lasorda cards.
Take my advice, put your money
in swampland in Florida.
I don't believe it.
In three days,
my father has converted
a generous, sensitive kid
into a ruthless shark.
And he's converted
an enlightened woman executive
into a fishwife.
I am not gonna let him
push me around anymore.
Oh, does he like his prunes
with the pits in or out?
In.
And he prefers
his lobster out of the shell.
You realize we're talking about
lobster shells and prune pits?
He's making us both crazy.
Look what he's doing to Rick,
he's turning him
into a clone of himself.
There must be
something we can do.
Think you could talk to him?
Yeah, but it could be
really dangerous.
Oh, you mean because
of his blood pressure.
No, because he
might run me over.
So, Richard, you don't think
your father appreciates
the dynamics of our
baseball card manipulation?
Not that I noticed.
I imagine I'll be
hearing his views firsthand.
Doctor, I'm glad you're here.
I have something
to say to my father,
and it just may upset him.
Is he well enough to handle it?
What is he saying?
Don't fall for
the old-man routine.
But it's probably best
I stay close by.
Quack!
I'll say this
as gently as I can.
Father, you're corrupting my son
with your immoral
business practices.
I think I hear my beeper.
Stay.
Edward,
what are you talking about?
Come on, you know
what I'm talking about.
You're turning Rick
into some kind of robber baron.
You mean like J.P. Morgan
and Vanderbilt?
He's actually flattered.
And you think
my loathsome morals
are contagious, huh?
Yes.
How come you never got them?
Let's just say I was lucky
enough to find my own way.
Don't you think Rick is capable
of finding his own way?
This is very strange.
What's wrong?
When Mr. Stratton gets excited,
his blood pressure
actually goes down.
Would you please keep arguing?
I'd be delighted!
With pleasure.
Quit teaching Rick
your dirty tricks!
I'm merely trying to pass on
my hard-earned knowledge.
It's amazing. His blood pressure
is going down.
And Dad's is going up!
Heh-heh.
The man must thrive on stress.
Mr. Stratton, my advice to you
is to go back
to work immediately.
Bless you, doctor!
Have you ever
seen this before, doctor?
No. This is gonna make
a terrific article.
In the American Journal
of Witch Doctors!
Keep that bile flowing!
Son...
Son?
Please, give an old man
the satisfaction
of sharing his wisdom
with his only grandson.
He's very good.
I'm not gonna stand here
and let you teach Rick
to cheat his friends.
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
Come in.
Hi.
RICK & EDWARD: Hi, Alfonso.
Remember what you said about
getting more Lasorda cards?
I have some friends
who might be interested.
These friends, they have cash?
Yeah.
There is a time to sow
and a time to reap.
When he starts getting
biblical, watch out.
Rick.
Alfonso...
my grandfather and I,
we set this whole thing up.
We bought
all the Lasorda cards
and we spread rumors
so people would want one.
Listen, here's your wallet back.
All right!
I get my wallet back
and sold the card for $ .
I made a profit of $ .
Please get in touch with me
when you graduate, young man.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll get that.
Hi, kid.
Hello. You're Tommy Lasorda!
I know that.
You selling Dodger cookies?
No, I heard you wanted to buy
some of my old baseball cards.
My mother put a few away
for me in the garage.
There must be hundreds of them.
Wow! I'll take .
Uh, Mr. Lasorda,
by flooding the market
with these old cards of yours,
you've entirely eliminated
the value of our collection.
Yeah, but have you heard
the good news?
I'm a shoo-in
for the Hall of Fame.
[♪♪♪]
04x05 - The Great Baseball Card Scheme
Watch/Buy Amazon
Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.
Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.