[music playing]
[audio logo]
[panting]
[growling]
Ha!
[growl]
[growl]
He's alive.
My creation is alive.
f*ck you, God!
So everything's fine.
Everything's fine.
[growl]
[g*nshots]
[growling]
[crash]
(SINGING) Come on.
Call my girls.
Set the time.
We're going to party tonight.
Tonight.
Tonight.
Tonight.
It's been a long day damn week,
but the end's almost in sight.
In sight.
In sight.
In sight.
Now's the time to dance.
Friday night is a chance
to let go of your stress,
catch a slide in
your best slip dress.
J-U-I-C-Y, never like to
juice, tone it up, get loose,
dancing all night with you.
Say, J-U-I-C-Y, never like to
juice, tone it up, get loose.
[Unintelligible]
We don't do that.
We're just dancers.
Oh, shit, yeah.
So just Angel, then.
We don't do that.
What's the f*cking point?
[knock on the door]
f*ck.
Now, girls, when I come back,
the minimum I expect to see
is a little bit of titty, yeah?
If there's no titty, no tip.
Trust me, I'm a top tipper.
(SINGING) Friday
night is your chance,
to let go of your
stress, now just
slide in your best slip
dress.
J-U-I-C-Y, never like to
juice, tone it up, get loose,
dancing all night with you.
You're handsome.
Are you here to join
the party, are you?
[screams]
Ahhh!
I'm not fighting for anything
anymore, except myself.
Now go ahead and sh**t.
You'll be doing me a favor.
Ha.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
I know it's wrong.
But God damn it, I
don't care, Diane.
I love you.
Well, if you love me,
why did you leave me?
I thought I would
never see you again.
Do you still love me, Diane?
I do love you, Jake.
Well, then kiss
me, God damn it.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
[screaming]
I love you!
[screaming] Stop!
I love you!
I love you!
I love you!
[screaming]
Ah!
I loved you.
I loved you.
I love you.
I love you.
[toilet flushed]
I love you.
Monster.
Monster.
Monster!
Monster!
You know, a lot of
people ponder the--
the meaning of life.
I think I got it figured it out.
The meaning of life?
Yeah.
You've got it figured out?
I've sorted it.
Enlighten me.
No need to f*cking
patronize me.
Who's patronizing?
Maybe it's antagonizing then.
I don't know the difference.
Well, I wasn't doing either.
I'm simply inquiring what you,
Michael McCool had concluded
the meaning of life was.
The meaning of life is
to be remembered forever,
like Alexander the Great, to
do something so special, so
meaningful with your life,
that you're remembered
for eternity, for
thousands of years,
by your fellow man
after your death.
[growl]
Whoa!
Whoa!
f*ck this.
Aah!
Amazing.
Are those Jammie Dodgers?
Yeah, double stuffed.
My favorite.
Sorry, hello.
Hi.
Don't you think you
should be focusing
on finding our mate's
m*rder*r rather than
talking about f*cking biscuits?
Leave him alone.
He didn't say anything.
f*cking brown-nosing
little bitch.
Oh, you like a double-stuffed
biscuit, officer?
f*ck the police.
ACAB.
Excuse me.
You're excused.
What does ACAB mean?
All Cops Are Bastards.
Charming.
Would you prefer to do this
down at the station, Michael?
He's fine here. Thank you.
Shut up, Elizabeth.
He can speak for
himself, thank you.
Go on, Michael.
He was my best friend.
We were like brothers.
f*ck off.
He was not like your brother.
You didn't even like him.
He barely liked
you to be honest.
He only hung out with us because
he wanted to bang Antigone,
I'm sure.
Brothers, my assh*le.
f*ck you.
I loved Mark.
And Mark loved me.
You think Mark liked me?
- Yeah.
- I always thought he was into
you.
Shame, he was fit.
Can you remember what
the man looked like?
Well, now that you've
asked, it is coming to me.
The first thing I
remember is he was
ugly, hideously and
monstrously ugly,
about 6 and 1/2 foot tall.
And his shoulders were as wide
as a silverback gorilla's,
right?
And-- and-- and his eyes were
wild and wide, like a wolf.
And-- and his teeth
were sharp and pointed.
I still remember little--
little wedges of Mark's
flesh in between them as he
gnawed through his nut sack.
No, officers.
That weren't no man.
That was a monster,
a real-life monster.
That was so f*cking cringe.
You've had a
traumatic 48 hours.
I think it's best that we left
you alone to rest for now.
Ah, good thinking.
Come on.
Even [inaudible].
Have another biscuit
before you leave.
That would be great.
Thank you.
Thank you for keeping us safe.
You are so f*cking pathetic.
It is unreal.
You two, get out.
We'll be in touch.
[growling]
[woman screams]
Aah!
[screaming]
There is no more sincere
love than the love of living.
[screaming]
Oh, babe.
You OK?
Babe, give him some space.
Come on.
He needs a hug, not space.
He just saw his
friend get eaten.
More like casual
acquaintances, really.
You know what I mean?
So Michael, what
really happened?
What was it?
Who was it?
Where was it?
Come on.
I know you didn't want to
talk in front of the five-o.
Well, I don't know who it was
or why it wanted to eat Mark.
But I do know I'm going
to find this yolk.
I'm going to k*ll it
like a f*cking hero.
What the f*ck are
you talking about?
You talk way too much.
Rein it in.
A monster.
Heinously ugly, eyes
wide and wild like a tiger,
shoulders as wide as an
outstretched American Eagle,
seven foot tall now,
teeth sharp and pointed,
thick purple veins bursting out
of its rhinoceros-like skin,
fur all over him
like a f*cking bear,
burns and stitches
covering his face,
like he just come out of some
sort of horrific accident.
So now we're going to
hunt down and k*ll him.
I heard of this monster.
How?
At the time, I
remember thinking it was
just the ramblings of a drunk.
But to hear the
tale told again--
Who and where?
At the Barking Smack
pub in Great Yarmouth.
He was wearing the eye patch,
a foreigner in our area.
What's his name?
Hercules.
Move.
How are you doing, man?
We are looking for Hercules.
We were told we
might find him here.
What?
Sorry.
Come.
Hello, mate or Hercules, or
should I say, Mr Hercules or--
Hercules is just fine.
And you don't know me.
But we have a mutual friend.
That's nice.
Well, he thinks
that you might know
a thing or two about the monster
that's terrorizing the town.
That ain't no monster.
That's Adam the Abomination.
Oh, well, you have my full
and unbridled attention.
Oh, God.
Adam the Abomination was once
just plain old Adam Dempsey,
an innocent young
prizefighter who fell
in love with the wrong woman.
Yeah, we've all
been there, man.
Stop making
everything about you.
Adam fell in love with
one of the wicked witches
of Waxham, Wanda White.
[laughing]
Ah, ah, no!
No, please.
Listen, please.
Please, no more.
There is no love without pain.
There is no light without dark.
And there is no
heaven without hell.
Our eyes awake will
be forever fallen.
[laughter]
No!
No!
No!
[smacking]
Oh, shit.
Is he still breathing?
Oh, f*ck, not again.
What'd you have to
choke him so hard?
Well, you told
me to pull it hard.
I told you to pull it hard.
I didn't tell you to choke
the bastard to death.
Wait a minute.
Wait just a minute.
My wicked sisters,
here's a thought.
From every misfortune, there
is a fortune to be made.
And I know just the
man who will pay
a fortune for this fast-living
young man's beautiful corpse.
Right.
So just so we're clear,
this is utter bullshit.
Shut up, Elizabeth.
They sold his body to
Archimedes the Alchemist.
So-- so-- so who's Archimedes?
And what did he want
with Adam's dead body?
The Alchemist was a
brilliant scientist,
respected and celebrated by all
for his groundbreaking research
and thanatology.
Using a combination
of science, alchemy,
pseudoscience, and
black magic, Archimedes
raised Adam from the grave.
Only what his formulas
did not equate
was for Adam's unquenchable
thirst for human blood.
It acts almost as a
daily blood transfusion,
providing him with
the fresh red blood
cells his resurrected body
fails to naturally produce.
Human blood still beating
is what keeps Adam alive.
Like-- like Dracula.
All myths stem from the truth.
All bullshit stems
from your mouth.
How do you know all this?
I was hired to hunt
down Adam the Abomination
and assassinate him.
You're an assassin.
At your service.
I mean, honey, you're not a
very good assassin, are you?
Seeing as you may,
Adam's still running
around munching on people.
I tracked him for days.
And finally, I had
him in my sights.
Just when he was about to tuck
into some Tunisian tourists
in Turf, I looked at the
abomination in his eyes
and saw deep into his
dark and black empty soul.
He looked back at me and
saw a man with no fear.
That old chestnut.
I slowly removed my
revolver, pull back the hammer,
and pointed it at the creature.
Adam just looked
at me and laughed.
Oh, f*ck.
He's bulletproof.
I made a decision that
lost me my left eye,
but a decision that only
an alpha male would decide.
I tossed my g*n in the
sand, rolled up my sleeves,
and went toe to toe with
that demonic son of a bitch.
Retro video game music
[growling]
[screaming]
You fight with honor.
- What?
- I've never heard such bullshit
in my whole entire life.
You fight with honor.
What?
Now the monster's a ninja
from a martial arts movie?
I mean, what was that bit about
the wicked witches of Waxham?
You should write a book, mate.
I know that bit's true.
Oh, yeah?, How's that?
Well, my mom's one of the
wicked witches of Waxham.
We can ask her where the lab is.
If we find the lab, we
find Adam the Abomination.
Oh, we find Adam
the Abomination,
I k*ll them and become
a legend forever.
Hold on.
Back up.
Since when is your mom a witch?
My mom's always been
a witch, well, as long
as I've known her anyway.
Did you know about this?
I've heard a rumor, yeah.
You three be careful.
The power of the
resurrection has
made Adam stronger than
any beast I've ever
had to go skin to skin with.
And I've just about
fought them all.
Sorry, are you still talking?
To the witches of Waxham's
worship for the wicked.
Woo!
Come on!
Another m*rder, Sarge?
I think it's the monster.
Keep your voice
down, Constable Romeo.
The last thing we need
is the inspector to hear
you talking about werewolves.
Apologies, Sergeant Popeye.
Anyone asks, you tell
them we're following
up lots of potential leads.
But we don't have any
leads apart from Michael
McCool and his monster.
No one needs to know that
now, do they, Constable?
Oh, I see what you mean.
Good.
You want me to lie, Sarge.
[inaudible]
[screaming]
f*ck off.
Oh, Adam, come home to daddy.
God.
I need you to come home.
It's not safe out there.
Please come home.
Adam, come home!
I miss you, son!
And I won't hurt you.
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.
You don't belong out there.
Come home to your family.
Sonny, please.
It's scary out there.
Right, Uncle Steve?
I'm not wearing any pants.
[laughter]
I swear to God,
if I get chopped up,
I'm k*lling both of you.
Don't you worry.
I'll protect you.
Get your hands off me or
I'll k*ll everybody you love.
Antigone, how are you?
I'm good, thank you.
Oh, I've missed you, belle.
What you been up to?
Not much, just job hunting.
How's that coming?
Oh, I had an interview
at a marketing company
for an admin role.
Things went well, I think.
Yeah?
Yeah, and I sent my
CV to loads of places.
So just waiting on
some answers, really.
Fingers crossed.
It's not what I really
want to do, though.
What you really
want to be doing?
What I really
want to do is act.
Yes, they all remember, even--
even when you were no
bigger than my club,
you was always a natural
little performer.
It's my passion.
Yeah, well, you got such
a talent there, kiddo.
Be a crime to give
up on your dreams.
What exactly is going on here?
Sorry, rude of me.
This is my uncle Typhon.
He's not really my uncle.
But I've known him all my life.
So he might as well be.
Nice to meet you, mate.
[growl]
Uncle Typhon, he's a friend.
Boys.
There's something
weird about him.
Tell him you're
only messing about.
You sure?
Seems like a good
opportunity to ditch him.
Stop it.
All right, being
as it's you asking.
I was only messing about.
Come on.
I won't grind your
bones to make my bread.
Tell him you're harmless.
I'm not harmless.
I'm actually quite ferocious.
Just tell him you're
harmless, for Gods sake.
All right.
It's all right.
I'm harmless.
I promise I'm harmless.
I was crossing me fingers.
ANTIGONE: Oh, he can hear you.
I come in peace, man.
You shit yourself.
Oh, f*ck you.
Look at the size of the man.
You're worried about him.
How are you going to
take on a monster?
That's different.
Is it?
What monster?
Adam the Abomination.
We don't say that name
around here, Antigone.
Go on.
You best speak to your mother.
See you.
Just so you know, I'm
not really harmless.
Yeah, and I wasn't
really scared.
So don't go around telling
anyone that Typhon's harmless,
or I will come after you, boy.
ANTIGONE: Uncle Typhon, behave.
OK, I won't bother your fella.
Oh, reach deep
down into your soul
and enjoy the experience
into the nucleus of mind.
Most people are
overcome by fear.
And many run away.
It's not like he
can go anywhere.
[laughter]
The experience of fear can
be an adventure for the spirit.
Overcome the fear
of death, and you'll
unlock the hidden
portals of your mind.
Darren, I want to tell you
a story, one of my favorites.
This is a story about an
angel, a beautiful angel
who fell in love--
With a mortal woman.
The angel fell
in love with Eve.
The first mortal woman.
Who was married to
the first man, Adam.
And the beautiful angel
fell in love with Eve.
A forbidden love.
A love that angered the
father of the angel, a love that
was so profound that
risking the fate of humanity
seemed worth it.
You see, the angel, he wanted to
start his own kingdom with Eve,
his queen.
And Eve was tempted
into a great love
affair with the angel.
An affair that
spawned two sons.
Cain and Abel.
Their love was so
strong and the affair
was so passionate
that it was buried
under myths for centuries.
Until now.
Do you want to know the
name of that angel, Aaron?
Hey.
Do you want to know
his f*cking name?
His name was Lucifer, Aaron.
The angel.
The most beautiful angel.
And now we sacrifice
your measly body
to God's most beautiful angel,
his first true creation.
[door opens]
Hello, Antigone.
How lovely to see you.
Hi, mom.
I come at a bad time?
No, no, no, no, no.
We were giving
him a good fright.
He's fine.
Oh, hiya, love.
Oh, you get older and
older every time I see you.
And more beautiful.
Of course, more beautiful.
So what can I do
for you, my dear?
We wanted to ask about
Adam the Abomination.
We don't say his name in here.
We never say that
name, full stop.
What do you know about Adam?
We know you k*lled him.
Cool, he's handsome.
Is that your fellow, Antigone?
I would.
Me too.
[laughter]
How about it, stud?
You ever dance with a devil
by the pale moonlight?
Well, I do prefer
just regular sex.
Oh.
Missionary or doggy style.
Girl on top feels
a bit emasculating.
And I'm not into the whole
asphyxia thing, either.
Kind of scares me a bit,
and for good reason,
by the sounds of it.
Look how it ended for,
well, your mate, Adam.
I told you we don't
say that name in here.
I thought you meant
don't say the full name.
I thought just
Adam would be fine.
Hey, it's borderline.
Watch it.
Just tell us where we can
find Archimedes the Alchemist's
lab.
And I suppose I'll do the rest.
(WHISPERING) Let's get him
to sell his soul to Satan.
[gasp]
(WHISPERING) Let's get him
to sell his soul to Satan.
We'll tell you where to find
the lab under one condition.
What?
Weird sex?
No, sell your soul to Satan.
Oh, f*ck that.
Don't be a chicken
shit, Michael.
The whole weirdo black magic
shit freaks me the f*ck out.
Come on.
It's bullshit.
It's just Antigone's
weirdo hippie mom.
No offense.
None taken.
You don't really think that
these lot have got the power
to sell your soul to Satan.
Well, if you're so brave, why
don't you sell your soul, huh?
Because it was your idea to
go looking for the monster.
Why should I?
Are you going to
make me do this?
Yeah.
Would it hurt?
You won't feel a thing.
It's just a bit of a laugh.
Don't take it so seriously.
And you promise to give me the
address to the alchemist's lab,
then.
We'll even draw you a map.
A post code and a
door number would do.
OK, but first, sell
your soul to Satan.
Do it.
Yeah, do it.
Yeah, fine.
f*ck it.
[laughter]
MICHAEL: You can have my soul.
I remember selling my soul
to him as if it were yesterday.
Oh, sisters, sisters, to
the soul-selling seller.
[laughter]
This is so embarrassing.
Yes, right.
To the seller.
So in your
experience, how long
do these things usually take?
I'm f*cking starving.
Shouldn't be too long.
[clears throat]
We, the Influential Lucifer
enter into a covenant pact
with Michael, who
will soon be ours.
And him we do promise
the love of women,
the flower of virgins,
the respect of monarchs,
honors, lusts, and powers.
He will go whoring.
Three days long, the carousel
shall be dear to him.
That doesn't sound
too bad, to be fair.
No, not bad at all.
Once a year, he offers
us a seal of his blood.
Under the feet, he will trample
the Holy things of the Church.
And he will ask of
us many questions,
maybe make a few demands.
And he will live happy on
this Earth of man for 20 years.
And then later, he will
join us to sin against God.
Bound in hell in
the Council of Demons.
Lucifer.
Beelzebub.
Satan.
Astaroth.
Leviathan.
[inaudible].
Michael, give me
your hand, Michael.
Come on, right over
the paper, dear.
[laughter]
How do you feel?
A bit horny, if I'm honest.
[laughter]
Bye, Uncle Typhon.
Goodbye, Antigone.
It's lovely to see you again.
Oh, you too.
Keep chasing
those dreams, kiddo.
Nice to meet you, man.
You know what?
You're actually very brave.
What do you mean?
Oh, you would never catch
me selling my soul to Satan.
f*ck that.
What happened to
it being bullshit?
I mean--
I've just done a poo.
Bye, Uncle Steve.
You need to chat
to your uncle.
I mean, I was
kind of just bored.
I wanted to see
what would happen,
if you would actually do it.
You're such a f*cking idiot.
Antigone, does this mean
I'm going to hell then?
I wouldn't worry
about it, babe.
Look, let me get
us an Uber, huh?
You sold your soul to Satan.
It's the least I can do.
- Cheers, Liz.
I owe you one.
- [laughter]
[laughter]
I'm having a great time.
Get in there.
Enough for me.
Get out of there.
Go on.
Jingle bells, jingle
bells, jingle all the way.
Oh, what fun it is the ride
on one of Santa's sleigh.
Jingle bells, jingle bells.
Ah!
- Come, let's say hi to Dave.
- Oh, not that f*cking Muppet.
Elizabeth.
Christ, yeah.
At least he reminds me
how good looking I am.
Did you really just say that?
Hello, Michael, Elizabeth.
Good evening, Antigone.
Oh, good evening, Dave.
So what are what are
you three up to then?
We are on the hunt for a
ridiculously ugly monster that
k*lled my best friend Mark.
Did you know Mark?
Uh, no.
I don't think so.
Well, lovely guy, or at
least he was, the poor f*ck.
So what I'm going to do
is I'm going to avenge him
by caving in that monstrous
skull with a bat in hopes
of immortal acceptance.
The f*ck?
What are you up to anyway?
You know, just working.
You can come with
us if you like.
Uh, for f*ck's sake, no.
What?
I'd better not.
But Gordon will be
back soon, and he'll
want me to have these
brakes done by end of day.
OK, come on.
Let's go before
Antigone starts inviting
the f*cking bin men too.
Don't be so rude.
Yeah, rude as she
is, she's got a point.
Less talky, more walky.
See you, man.
Hi.
Mind how you go.
Bye, Antigone.
f*cking rude bitch.
I don't want to go on an
adventure with you lot anyway.
Aye, I've got me own
friends, thank you very much.
Invite the bin man,
aye, I'd much rather
go on an adventure with them any
day of the week than you lots.
Moody hateful slag.
This is it.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
I'm not claiming
that fence, so, yeah.
These shoes are expensive,
love.
Where's your sense
of adventure, huh?
After you then.
Fine.
Michael.
Get down here now.
Elizabeth, Antigone,
stay right there.
Hello again.
Hi.
Nice to see you.
Not this old shit again.
Are you going to tell
me what you're doing.
We're not doing nothing.
We're just on an adventure.
[growling]
I'll tell you what
it is that I'm doing.
I am out here doing what
you should be doing.
I am out here trying
to find the monster
that k*lled my best friend.
Was he your best friend, babe?
Or kind of--
If you have any information
that you are withholding,
I'll warn you,
withholding information
from the police about a m*rder
is a very serious crime.
Now, is there anything
you want to tell me?
I'm not telling
you nothing, copper.
No.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Get your f*cking hands off me.
You told me
everything you know.
I'll wring your neck,
you little pikey.
Ey, you can't do that!
Get your hands off him.
Uh, Sergeant, does
seem a little excessive.
f*cking excessive.
Get off him.
[growling]
Music starts
Oh, wait, Mother Rae.
Wait for me!
[screaming]
You all right, Sergeant?
Who saw that?
That's mad.
I just saved his life.
I just saved your f*cking life.
Oh, that's Alexander the
Great shit right there.
That's legendary shit.
That's the kind
of shit that gets
you remembered for 1,000 years.
Come on.
I should charge you with
possession of a deadly w*apon.
Oh, no.
That wasn't mine, officer.
I found it on the
street, I swear.
Antigone, tell him.
Yeah, look, just don't
say anything until you've
got legal representation, OK?
What was that thing?
So that thing was
Adam the Abomination,
created by Archimedes
the Alchemist,
or as I like to call
him, the monster.
That was no abomination.
And that was no monster.
There was a man,
plain and simple.
I don't know, Sarge.
I've never seen a man
look like that before.
We have a map.
Shut the f*ck up, Antigone.
What map?
Show me now.
You're a f*cking
snitch, Antigone.
Sorry.
I didn't realize
it was a secret.
My mom's a witch, you see.
And her and her witch
friends, who I call my aunts.
They're not really my aunts.
Anyway, the wicked
witches gave us a map
in exchange for Michael's soul.
Witches, you say.
Yeah.
Gave you it for
Michael's soul.
Soul, yeah.
I see.
It's a magical map, officer.
I can show you if you like.
A magical map,
Sergeant Popeye.
Magical map, yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
You three, home now.
And don't leave the country.
I'll be ready to take statements
from you all in the morning.
Yes, sir.
Come on.
f*ck, that was mad.
[growling]
Don't be frightened.
May I ask your name, sir?
My name is Adam.
Adam.
I would like to pray for you.
Is that OK?
Why are you not
frightened of me?
Why would I be
frightened of you, Adam?
My hideous scars.
It's a benefit of
being virtually blind.
I couldn't judge a
book by its cover,
even if I was that shallow,
which fortunately, I'm not,
by the way.
But I'm dangerous.
I'm a monster.
To be a monster and
not do monstrous things,
it's virtuous.
Pray with me, Adam.
Dear good and
gracious God, I thank
you, Lord, for helping
find a new friend
in need of warmth and shelter.
I left my new
friend to you today.
Please be with him
in his injuries,
both the mental
and the physical.
God, be the strength in
his weakness, the hope
in his doubt, the
comfort in his strength.
I ask that you act
in his life today.
Encourage him and
heal him, Lord.
Ey!
[g*nsh*t]
Get away from my
daughter and fear.
If we are going to stop
this monster, whatever it is,
we're going to need more
than sporting equipment.
We need a g*n, a big
m*therf*cking g*n.
g*ns are illegal.
So is chasing
monsters, Mary Poppins.
And where are we going to
get this big m*therf*cking
g*n then, huh, Bonnie
f*cking Parker?
I know loads of
people, Clyde Barrow.
Oh, great.
So if you two are Bonnie and
Clyde, what does that make me?
f*cking third-world
gooseberry again.
Again.
Ah, relax.
That young copper lad
who's all over you.
You'll probably end up with
him in the end, just like--
well, just like me and Elizabeth
will probably end up together.
I told you I will
never f*ck you,
even if my life depended on it.
But you just called
us Bonnie and Clyde.
You called me Bonnie Parker.
But you called me
Clyde f*cking Barrow.
[inaudible].
Or were you just bullshitting?
I don't bullshit,
yeah, unlike some people.
I don't bullshit.
How do you know where
we're going to get a g*n?
I know loads of people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Name one.
Anastasia Ivanov.
Anastasia Ivanov.
Who the f*ck is
Anastasia Ivanov?
Russian mob.
Russian mob, very convenient.
And how do you know
a Russian mobster?
We used to date.
You're a lesbian?
Oh, it all makes sense now.
No wonder you didn't
want to f*ck me.
First of all,
I'm not a lesbian.
And second of all, I would
still never f*ck you, even
if I was a dirty
whore on the game,
desperate for my next
fix, and you turned up
and you were a
millionaire, never.
Look, I went for a bad breakup.
And I was just experimenting
with my sexuality.
Oh, God, that's hot.
Michael.
Well, it is.
Look, Anastasia is sexy
and powerful and rich.
She really knows how to
treat a woman, you know?
Unlike most men, in fact.
Whatever you're
thinking, stop it.
Nostrovia.
Cheers.
Elizabeth.
Mm-hmm.
It baffles me how somebody
so exquisite is still single.
Maybe I expect too
much from my partners.
Maybe my standards are too high.
I don't know.
Somebody as beautiful as you
both on the inside and outside
has every right to be picky.
Yeah.
I am hypnotized by your aura.
I don't know what to say.
I have a small house
around the corner
within walking distance.
But we've not even seen
the dessert menu yet.
You are so beautiful.
Let's get out of here.
Should we get the bill?
I'm happy to go dutch.
Don't worry, baby.
Jeez.
How many houses do you clean?
Come with me.
Let's go.
So before we go any
further, I've just got
a confession I need to make.
Are you with those two?
What two?
What?
No, of course not.
Well then what do
you have to confess?
Well, it's a little
embarrassing because you know
we had such a lovely dinner.
And I don't want you
to be put off me at all
because I really like you.
Spit it out.
Well, I've never been
with a woman before.
Who sent you?
I think you
should relax, honey.
My friend and I are
just taking an evening
stroll around Great Yarmouth.
But your rudeness is
really ruining my evening.
Who f*cking sent you?
You know what they say
about rudeness, don't you?
What do they say
about rudeness?
Stay out of this, Elizabeth.
This does not concern you.
Well, you see, they say
rudeness is a weak person's
imitation of strength.
[g*nf*re]
What the f*ck?
Only a k*ller reacts so
calmly with a loaded g*n
pointed at his head.
That's the most crazy
f*cked-up first date
story I've heard a few weeks.
So did you, hmm?
Did I what?
Did you get your
liquor license?
Oh, Michael.
You're so f*cking
crude sometimes.
What's wrong with that?
A liquor license.
Stop being so woke.
It's pathetic.
I don't know what
it was about watching
her k*ll those two men.
Just turned on some
inner freak in me.
And we had the most
amazing sex I've ever had.
Uh.
I made a vow to
myself then, I was never
going to see Anastasia again.
I had enough shit going
on in my life to start
dating a Russian gangster.
I am so f*cking
turned on right now.
Stop it, Michael.
To Anastasia Ivanov's
assassin's abode.
Whatever you do,
don't mention that thing
that I told you earlier.
What?
You two f*cking?
No, the other thing.
I was kidding.
Yeah, well,
actually don't mention
the first thing
either because you're
just going to make it weird.
I won't say a word.
I promise.
Elizabeth.
Hi, babe.
How wonderful to see you.
And you have brought
your friends with you.
Anastasia, sweetheart, I
have heard so much about you.
What have you heard?
Don't listen to him, babe.
He's an idiot.
What have you heard?
You know.
Ha ha ha ha.
He's a funny fucker, this one.
Good.
I like funny.
Come in.
Come in.
f*cking idiot.
This is Boris, my bitch.
Your what?
My bitch.
I thought that's
what you said.
And he just
takes it, you know.
Every powerful
man needs a bitch.
Powerful man?
Yes.
I currently identify as a man.
Good for you.
A powerful man like Putin.
Excellent, Liz, do you want
to tell Anastasia what it is
that we're here
for so that we can
get the f*ck out
of here before she
tries to make me a new bitch.
Anastasia.
Yes?
I need a g*n.
Of course.
You can have this one.
Bring it back when
you're done with it.
That was easy.
So do you have a g*n
strapped under every seat?
Just the seats my ass
just happened to sit on.
Would you like to know what
it is that we need this g*n for?
That is no concern of mine.
Well, we need to hunt down
my best friend's k*ller,
a f*cking monster named
Adam the Abomination.
And I'm talking about
a monster, monster
like Frankenstein-type
shit, not like [inaudible]..
Why do you feel so
compelled to tell me this?
Did you think it
would impress me?
Don't listen to him.
He talks way too much.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's interesting is why.
I've lived a very
interesting life.
I've-- I've got a lot of
interesting things to say.
It's not interesting.
And nobody cares.
Oh, I care.
You do care about everything,
so it doesn't really count.
So you like to impress those
that are not impressed by you?
Interesting.
Who are you?
My therapist?
You see therapist?
Yeah, he does,
actually, every Tuesday.
[mouthed] But he doesn't like
to talk about it.
If you lived the
life I've lived,
you'd need to see a
therapist too, love.
You do realize that she's a
Russian gangster, don't you?
You do realize I've got a very
f*cking complex mind, far too
complex for the likes
of anybody that's
not a medical professional
to understand.
I think I could
take a s*ab at it.
That's cute.
You wouldn't know
where to start, love.
Judging by your need to
be the center of the room,
and the fact that you seek
admiration from everyone
you encounter, my
diagnosis would
be narcissistic
personality disorder.
Right, come on.
We go.
It hit a nerve, have we?
Oh, yeah.
I'm not afraid of
you, bitch boy.
You're no f*cking Uncle Typhon.
Leave the narcissist
alone, bitch.
A megalomaniac with enough
heart to stand up to you
will probably rule
the world someday.
Let's stay in his good books.
Well, shit, tell me more
about me ruling the world.
No, f*cking hell, come on.
Let's go.
That's enough.
Thank you.
Anastasia.
You're welcome.
You come back.
Yeah, call me.
Come on.
Bye, bye, everybody.
f*cking rat.
Come on.
f*cking lunatics.
Adam.
You finally came home to daddy.
My parental pool worked its
magic, just like I calculated.
Welcome home, sonny.
Come to papa.
I'm so happy to have
you back at home, son,
at the place of your birth.
You look healthy,
well, healthier
than I expected to be.
Where were you, Adam?
I was frightened.
Hallelujah!
My creation can speak.
It's a f*cking miracle.
OK, say something else.
Say daddy God.
What am I?
You are my son.
And I am your daddy.
Why did you create me?
I created you to prove to the
world that I was not a loser,
to show everyone what I've
always been capable of.
You are my raised
middle finger to all
the haters and doubters
who put me down time
after time my whole life.
You are my creation.
You are my revenge.
What about me?
What about my reason for being?
I'm nothing but a savage
monster, a parasite,
feeding on the blood of others.
I'm nothing more to
you than a trophy.
I will not tolerate
insubordination
for my creation.
Is that clear?
I gave you life, God damn it.
Don't make me take it
away and create another.
I'm sorry, daddy.
That's better, son.
Elizabeth, give me that g*n.
How about no?
What do you mean, no?
This is my thing, remember?
Since when is this your thing?
It's always been my thing.
Anastasia was so
right about you.
About what?
Ruling the world?
Yeah, probably.
Lizzie, give me
that f*cking g*n.
f*ck off.
Anastasia gave it to me,
not to you, narcissist.
Ah, ah, you're ruining it.
What?
Are we doing this or what?
I'm not doing anything
until you give me my g*n?
You gob shyster.
Suit yourself.
I'm taking are you coming, babe?
Ah, ah, you've ruined us.
I hope you get r*ped,
eaten, and k*lled in there.
Michael!
Not you.
You're all right.
I don't hope you get r*ped,
eaten, and k*lled, obviously.
I was talking about that.
Charming.
Are you coming then, babes?
Yes, I said, obviously.
Stupid bloody fence, f*ck.
Jesus Christ.
Right, somebody's going to
have to protect you girls.
Such a gentleman.
I don't need f*cking
protecting, yeah.
My arse, you don't.
Just be nice to
each other now.
Aren't we going
to stop them, Sarge?
Sometimes in life, you
have to sacrifice the maggot
to catch the fish, Constable.
What does that
even mean, Sarge?
It mean shut up,
watch, and learn.
Tonight, we catch our k*ller.
Can I ask you a
question, Sergeant?
It depends what
that question is.
A police officer's allowed
to date members of the public?
As long as you're off duty,
you can do what you like.
I think I might
ask out that girl.
What girl?
Antigone.
This really isn't
a time or a place
to be discussing your love
life, Constable Romeo.
I'm sorry, sir.
You're right.
Look, I wish you
the best with it.
And she seems like a nice girl.
Keeps questionable
company though.
You'll have to watch that.
Thank you, Sergeant.
Da da da da da, and OK,
One big bowl of fresh ground
human flesh.
I bought it from a
euthanasiac for peanuts.
Enjoy.
I love you very much.
Is that why you
put me in chains?
When you earn back
my trust, you'll
get your freedom back, OK?
Come on, eat.
I know you got to be hungry.
Adam, we have guests.
[laughter] There he is.
There's the monster.
I f*cking told you he was real.
Who's the bullshitter now?
What him or him?
It's hardly seven foot tall.
Don't look that odd.
Never judge a
book by its cover.
Judge a book by its cover?
Look at him.
He's a hideous f*cking monster.
Adam the Abomination, and
I proved that he's real.
Now, you give me that
g*n so I can sh**t him
and become a f*cking legend.
Wow, you are so
eager to please.
Come on then.
Well, this isn't, um, as
easy as it looks, is it?
You can do this, Michael.
He k*lled your best
mate, remember?
I hardly knew the bastard.
I f*cking knew
that was bollocks.
Oh, f*ck off, you, you tart.
Why do you wish to k*ll me?
Is it because I look
different to you?
It's because you're a monster
that kills and eats people.
Can't you see I
was made this way?
This is not my choice.
This is how I survive.
The one-eyed bloke
did say that to me.
Just f*cking sh**t him.
Yes, sh**t me.
Put me out of my misery.
[growls] No one will
ever love a monster.
No one will ever accept me
into any civilized society.
The best I can hope for is
to become a circus freak.
Oh.
Now sh**t me.
[g*nf*re]
Police, stop.
Well, only losers bring
badges to g*n fights.
Only in England.
That's a lot of
young, fresh meat.
You're going to be feasting
for the next few weeks, son.
Daddy.
I meant what I said.
Nobody can ever love a monster.
Only another monster
could truly love me.
You're right, my son.
A man does have his needs.
So I'm going to take your rib
and make you your very own Eve.
(SINGING) Sugar and
spice and all things nice.
Get in my soul
and make it right.
Oh baby.
Oh yeah.
Oh baby.
Oh baby.
Oh yeah.
Sugar and candy, cherry
pie, your oh-so-secret apple
of my eye.
That's my girl.
You f*cking wish, mate.
RSVP, listen to the letter
that's just for my baby.
RSVP, RSVP, get back to
me with a definite maybe.
I'm your sweet 16.
You put me in a spin.
You're my maple leaf.
oh baby, oh yeah, oh baby, baby.
Oh baby.
Oh yeah.
I want you to squeeze
me oh so tight.
Just keep on dancing
till the morning light.
I'll be waiting for you.
I'll be waiting.
Sure be waiting for you.
Oh yeah.
Why you hesitating?
RSVP, RSVP, kisses through the
letter box, just for my baby.
RSVP, RSVP, get back to
me with a definite maybe.
Just for my baby.
RSVP, RSVP, get back
with a definite maybe.
Hug and squeeze me oh, so tight.
Just keep on dancing
till the morning light.
I'll be waiting for you.
I'll be waiting.
I'll be waiting for you.
Oh, yeah.
Why you hesitating?
RSVP.
RSVP.
Kisses through the letter
box just for my baby.
RSVP, RSVP, get back to
me with a definite maybe.
RSVP, RSVP, kisses through the
letterbox, just for my baby.
RSVP, RSVP, get back to
me with a definite maybe.
Abomination, The (2023)
Moderator: Maskath3