04x05 - Island of the Menehune (part 1)

[bunniefuu]

♪ We are riders on a mission ♪

♪ Action kids in play position. ♪

♪ We are riders on a mission ♪

♪ Action kids in fun condition. ♪

♪ Prepare to count down. ♪

[all cheering]

Goofy foot Rob G. surfs a perfect ten,

making him the favorite to take on the world title.

And up next is his only competition:

wildcard Otto Rocket,

an unknown and under-age contestant

who's sure to make surfing history

if he can survive these unforgiving swells.

KIDS [cheering]: Otto! Otto! Otto!

Otto! Otto! Otto!

ANNOUNCER: Put me in a trance and call me "Sir"!

The wave he's riding is a virtual behemoth.

Ladies and gentlemen, Otto Rocket has scored a perfect...

Eleven?!

I guess the judges had to make an exception in Rocket's case,

and who blames them?

Welcome back to the real world, Rocket Boy.

Where was he?

Where he always is when he zones out:

surfing the final round

of some world championship.

Who do you b*at this time,

Kelly Slater?

Rob G.--

I like to mix it up once in a while.

All right, kids, the time has come

for you to turn in your aprons.

KIDS: We're getting the boot?

I'd have preferred the more subtle

pink-slip-on- the-locker routine.

You're not getting canned, you're being rewarded.

Because you've worked so hard this summer,

I'm taking you to the place

I've been talking about going to for years.

The gym?

No... the place

Tito and I have been bragging about forever.

The sidewalk where you made butt prints in the cement?

Give it up, Raymundo,

sometimes actions speak louder than words.

And sometimes they're just horribly embarrassing.

REGGIE: We're going to Oahu?

Yep.

The whole Makani bunch

is having a big blowout

reunion celebration party-type thingy.

[stammering]: Hawa... Hawa... Hawa...

I see you're already learning the language,

which is good because we're all leaving for Hawaii tomorrow!

[cheering]

Do you people know what this means?

Five straight hours

of all the honey-roasted peanuts we can eat?

Well, that, and the fact

that I'm finally going to fulfill my lifelong dream

of surfing the Mecca of all surf spots:

the Banzai Pipeline.

And since it's the most dangerous surf known to man,

I'll finally be able to realize

my lifelong dream of being an only child.

[techno music plays]

[music stops]

[softly]: Reg? Otto?

It's time to get up.

Huh?

The car's packed

and we've been up for hours.

Nothing like a vacation

to get kids out of bed at the cr*ck of dawn.

Step it up, bro,

or we're going to miss our flight.

Please let this be a bad dream.

Mom wants me to tag along

because you're too lame

to go to another country by yourself.

[laughing]

Psych!

[laughing]

You should have seen your face, little sucker!

Oh, that was so sick

it'll keep me going for weeks.

For your information,

Hawaii is a state, lame-o.

Yeah, right,

and Chicago's a city.

[laughing]

OTTO: Only a few hours away from the Banzai Pipeline.

Did you know

the Pipe is so gonzo,

one wipeout there

is as bad as a hundred anywhere else.

And it's the home of the world's biggest...

Give it a rest, Otto.

Can't you talk about something besides that pipeline?

[passengers cheering]

What's this?

[sighs]

"Sam Dullard's personalized vacation rules.

"Don't go outside without sunscreen.

"No eating strange food,

"especially if it's still moving.

"And don't engage

"in any potentially dangerous activities,

"such as swimming, biking, skateboarding,

surfing, running, jogging, skipping or walking."

I guess your mom missed

the whole "vacation as recreation" concept?

Oh, it gets worse.

Read on.

"Enclosed is a cell phone/ pager/organizer/modem.

"I expect you to call, write, or e-mail me

at least ten times a day."

Let me guess-- she saw

Twister's video of our New Zealand trip?

Yep, and out came the rules.

This trip is going to be great--

you and me, my cousin Noelani and Billie Joe

tearing it up just like old times.

Nottoomuch like old times, I hope.

Danni, Noelani?

What's up, Wild Bill?

Dig on this.

DANNI: Sitting ducks.

Exactly.

Just too good to pass up.

[both startle]

[both laughing]

BOTH: What are you laughing at?

[others laughing]

You said it, bro,

not too much like old times.

Since when did you start worrying about germs?

I'm trying to get the smell of French fries off my skin,

so I'm not a walking target for when wild animals att*ck.

Good call, Twist.

I heard those Hawaiian tree snails are vicious.

You know what we haven't talked about

in a long time?

The Banzai Pipeline!

Not just any old break--

the mother of all breaks, home of the biggest...

OTHERS: Can it!

Ew...

Sam, that's, like, way rude.

But I might be allergic.

Oh, I've got to call my mom.

[cell phone beeping]

No signal.

Got to find a pay phone.

TITO: This is Mommi,

Maili, Kanani, Pua, Leiaua...

Uh, Twist, what are you doing?

Your family is so big.

If I tape this,

I can go home tonight

and learn the names on instant replay.

Stop! Thief!

[gasps]

You steal my soul!

Agh!

[others burst out laughing]

Why is everyone laughing?

I just snaked Mommi's soul.

I tease!

If you really took my soul, I'd have to put a curse on you!

I tease again.

[others laugh]

Ancient Hawaiian saying:

[speaking Hawaiian]

"A trip with the fish, misty the sky."

What she means is you were an easy target, little cuz.

Hey, Reg, Otto? Rah.

How goes it?

What up, Keoni?

How's life? How you doing?

How far are we from Pipe?

Dangerously close, old man.

Sweet!

Uh... Keoni?

Who is that behind you?

This is my cousin Leilani.

Hi.What's up?

Keoni!

Hey, Twist.

This is Leilani.

You smell like French fries.

[others laughing]

The Ocean Shores g*ng and the Makani family all together.

Now we can finally be one big, happy'ohana.

This is the Makani compound,

and over there is

the most famous landmark in Hawaii:

Diamond Head.

How did it get like that?

That's what happens

when hot magma meets ocean water.

There was a big expl*si*n

and magma particles flew out

to a big, super-sized ring.

Back in the day, sailors thought

the shiny calcite crystals in the rocks were diamonds--

and so did Tito.

[laughs]

The tour is officially over

and these are your digs, littlekeiki.

TWISTER: I thought we were staying

in a swank hotel with giant towels,

fancy soaps and room service.

No...

You're staying in a tree house.

[kids cheering]

Okay, now that you've had the old-school Makani tour,

are you ready to amp it up with the Keoni special?

I thought you'd never ask.

[women giggling]

You already met Maili, Kanani and Pua.

And this is Keawe.

And lucky for you, Raymundo, they are all very single

and very anxious for get married right away.

Oh, look at the time!

I'm late.

I got to see a man about some stuff.

But how come you know what time it is

when you not wearing one watch?

Oh... I, uh... I...

I've got an internal clock.

It runs a little slow,

but it never needs batteries.

Thanks for lunch.

[laughing]

Thanks a lot for siccing Mommi on me.

That was a low blow, bro.

[laughing]

Better you than me, brother!

[laughing]

All right!

Watch out for baby heads.

They'll set you up

with a major gravity check.

Baby heads? Where?

TWISTER: Chill, Squid,

they're just rocks.

Oh...

Wild pigs in the house.

I can't help it!

I need the brakes--

it's too steep!

Hot lava coming up!

Whoa...!

Check it out, guys!

"Bird cam"!

You'd better bail or you'll go endo!

Too late!

Whoa...!

[grunting, shouting]

You okay, Twist?

I didn't hear anything break.

In Hawaii, we call that an involuntary dismount.

[others laughing]

[Sam screaming]

What is that thing?

It a temple built by themenehune.

Mene who?

Menehune.

They're scary little spirits,

kind of like freaky elves

who haunt the jungles of Hawaii,

messing with anyone who gets in their way

and sometimes, people who don't,

but they want to mess with them anyway.

Don't worry, Twister, themenehune

only come out at night.

Why?

Probably because they're naked.

Good thing they have hair down to their knees.

[all laughing]

OTTO: Ha, naked!

Is this tea party over?

BecauseIhave a race to win.

KEONI: First one to Diamond Head scores.

OTTO: That's right, people, eat my lava.

LEILANI: Relax, Twister.

Menehuneonly eat shrimp,

not French fries.

[sniffing]

[laughs]

[all panting]

KEONI: What a grinder.

No kidding!

I had to granny-gear it all the way.

But I'm still going to b*at you.

REGGIE: Sounds good to me.

You b*at him and I'll b*at you.

[grunting]

[panting]

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

All right! Yeah!

Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

Big ups to Raymundo.

He was dead on about Hawaii.

It rules.

Textbook awesome.

If I don't come home with some sweet footage,

I give you permission to have "lame"

tattooed on my forehead.

What do you think, Sammy?

Amazing.

We should head back.

The guests of honor shouldn't be late

to their "Welcome to Hawaii" luau.

Man, those waves

are practically begging me to ride them!

Do we have time to hook a few first?

No.

But we'll make time.

Dad, can we snag some old shorties?

[chicken clucking]

Is the closest living relative to theT. rexa chicken?

That would be a yes, little dudes.

Hey, thanks for the solid, Wild Bill.

Why do they call him that?

He doesn't seem so wild to me.

Word is he used to be,

but now he's just my dad.

Aloha!

I can't believe I'm actually surfing in Hawaii!

[whimpering]

I can't believe I'm actually not surfing in Hawaii.

Dad!

Tito!

We figured we'd find you out here.

What do you think of Oahu?

Is it everything we said it would be?

Nope.

It's a hundred times better.

Thanks for bringing us, Dad.

I think it's safe to say

this is going to be the best vacation ever.

OTTO: Yes, yes, yes!

[rapid drumming]

RAY: Go easy on the buffet, kids,

or you won't digest before the midnight party surf.

Trust me, you don't want to miss it.

You haven't lived

until you've surfed under the full Hawaiian moon.

Uh, speaking of full moons--

that reminds me of a little tale

about Raymundo's very first luau.

[drumming, ukulele strumming]

RAY: Whoo-hoo!

Dig me hanging ten in Oahu,

the grooviest place on the earth.

Whoo-hoo!

[crowd cheering, laughing]

WILD BILL: He rode to shore before he figured it out!

Sad, but true.

BAND LEADER: In honor of Ray Rocket,

we'd like to play our classic, "Full Moons."

[laughter; ukulele strumming]

BAND: ♪ I'll never forget the day ♪

♪ "It must have been a miracle," they say ♪

♪ The planets align, no stars in the sky ♪

♪ But I swear I saw two full moons pass me by... ♪

[song continues]

Heads up, Raymundo, incoming.

There you are, little Ray.

Looks like you need a dance partner.

Actually, I... I already have one.

BAND: ♪ Two... full... moons... ♪

Whoo-hoo, yeah! Whoo-hoo!

BAND: ♪ I rubbed my eyes, I couldn't sleep... ♪

OTTO: Yeah, look at Reg.

Oh, Twist, you've got to get this on tape.

It'll be excellent blackmail material.

BAND: ♪ A legend was born that day... ♪

Whoa, no, Mommi.

I don't dance.

You do now.

♪ Two... full... moons. ♪

At night, themenehunebuild things,

but they won't work if humans are watching.

And if they have nothing to build,

they sneak around playing evil tricks on people.

Like what?

They love to make things disappear,

move things around so you can't find them.

And they can even make you

trip in the dark.

Who doesn't trip in the dark?

Uh, Leilani,

you're giving themenehunea bad rap.

Dad, I didn't get to the good part yet.

Sometimes, they help keep sharks away.

How?

When a shark comes

near their 'hood,

they ride out in their tiny canoes

and b*at it senseless until it swims away.

Little hairy naked men

b*ating sharks senseless?

That I'd pay serious coin to see.

[laughing]

Is there anything that keeps themenehuneaway?

The only thing

they're afraid of are owls.

Owls. Good to know.

So, Raymundo, what exactly are we doing

for the rest of the week?

I've told you a hundred times.

Next on the agenda

is the famous midnight party surf.

The rest of week will include a helicopter ride...

dune cycle racing...

Shark's Hole...

canoe racing...

more surfing...

more swimming, and last on the list

but definitely not least...

ALL: The Banzai Pipeline.

I guess I kind of mentioned it to a few people.

[all laughing]

But remember, no Pipe until surf conditions are less aggressive.

I've waited my entire life to surf the Pipe.

A few more days isn't going to k*ll me.

Yeah, but we might, if you keep talking about it.

[all laughing]

Where is he?

MOMMI: Time for another

meet-and-greet!

Oh...

Mommi, I appreciate the effort,

but I have no interest in dating right now.

Zero.Nada.Zilch.

I hear you loud and clear,

but remember ancient Hawaiian saying:

"The ocean would be much deeper without sponges."

Noelani.

You're not interested in meeting anybody.

Remember?

I lied.

Didn't mean a word of it.

Aloha, Raymundo.

Welcome back.

OTTO: Without a doubt,

this has been the second-best day of my life to date.

What was the first?

It hasn't happened yet.

That spot is reserved for the day I surf Pipe.

Hey, there's Dad.

REGGIE: Let's go, Raymundo.

Everyone else is already on the water.

Waiting for a repeat performance

of the full-moon spectacular.

Uh, you guys go on ahead.

I don't feel like water right now.

But you promised you'd go with us.

That's nice.

Noelani, do you want to take a walk

on the, uh...

the white, grainy stuff?

Raymundo just flaked on us.

Unbelievable.

He promised he'd take us,

and now he's blowing us off

for some strange woman who made him forget what sand is.

[surfers whooping happily]

[mischievous laughter]

[laughter continues]

[all whooping]

OTTO: Whoo-hoo, check me out!

I own... [grunting]

Themenehunewere here.

[screams]

I guess priorities have changed.

I can't believe he'd rather hang with her than race with us.

What's so great about "Noe-lamey" anyway?

Whoa, whoa.

I thought that was the brake!

Whoa...!

Seven-foot monster

with one giant eye in the middle of his face.

Otto's way down there!

This is a disaster!