18x23 - Pass The Parcel

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why do you miss

♪ When my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why does a love kiss

♪ Stay in my memory? ♪

ALARM RINGS Wait!

It's a copper!

Come on!

Delta Alpha Two Four to Control.

Has Don Wetherby started coming over here for his lunch break?

Not to my notice. Why are you asking?

It's a bit of a mystery. Every day at one o'clock, he vanishes.

Doesn't say where he's going or what he's up to.

It's all very fishy.

It wouldn't be difficult to find out.

It's not that easy.

It's basic detective work. I could cr*ck it in a couple of hours.

- You say that. - I'd put money on it.

How much?

Oh. Shall we say... a fiver?

That you'll cr*ck it in a couple of hours?

Well, let's be generous and say four hours. You're on.

Is this the van you clocked outside the Adams Brothers?

Looks like it.

They weren't going to mess about.

"You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!"

Whoa, whoa! Leave it to the b*mb disposal boys.

I'll leave you to deal with that. I'll have a look for the driver.

He can't have got far.

MUSIC: 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida by Iron Butterfly

Stu, wait. Stuart!

Will you come back? Please! Stuart!

What's going on? Hold on! I want a word with you.

You left us in the lurch, son.

What are you doing?

He's not certain of cause of death. So we'll treat it as suspicious.

Any more on that van you found last night?

It was stolen in Ripon last week.

b*mb disposal are dealing with the expl*sives,

so haven't been able to look for prints yet.

What sort of expl*sives?

They think the type used in mines and quarries. Probably stolen too.

It never rains, but it pours.

Do you think it has anything to do with the break in last night?

There's no evidence to suggest it, but we can't rule it out.

You keep on working on that. I'll pass this over to CID.

You were late last night.

Yeah, bit of a holdup in town, love.

I could m*rder that breakfast.

Here we are then. Enjoy.

Here's what we do. We'll stick to the plan. Just like last night.

There'll be coppers everywhere.

They don't know about us though, do they?

How are we going to blow the safe? Stu ran off with the gelly.

I phoned my man. He's sending more. Detonators too.

But how?

He knows someone who works on the railways.

It's arriving at the station at lunchtime. I want you to pick it up.

What about the passkeys? Stu had them too.

When we find Stu, I'll have a word with him,

and remind him about obligations.

They obviously know what they were about last night.

There's more than £, in the safe.

- Is that unusual? - Only time it's ever happened.

There's a backdated pay rise goes out in the wage packets this week.

We never have that much cash here normally.

Did many people know about this?

The bank and my office staff. But I trust my employees.

I'll need to speak to as many of them as possible.

Mrs Hopley, can you find a copy of the personnel list.

Yes, Mr Adams.

Good girl.

Peggy, that's for Dawn's party.

Well, what is the first prize?

If I'm going to all the trouble of getting dressed up,

I want to be sure that what's having is worth having.

All I'm saying is it's from behind the bar.

Oh. Now you're talking.

What makes you think you'll win?

I just may surprise you. I've got a way with clothes.

You've got away with all sorts.

David! Will you stop that?!

- I was just trying to help. - I'll tell you what would help.

Dawn's mum sent a present. Needs picking up from the station.

I'll go with you. I've got something to collect an all.

It's a surprise for Dawn. Don't let on you know.

Well, you know David. He can't keep a secret.

I can. I won't say a word.

- Are you ready? - More than.

You've got four hours starting... now.

So, Don Wetherby suddenly starts disappearing during lunchtimes.

Now there must be a reason. Has anything changed at all?

I did hear that him and Sandy, you know, his wife?

They're trying to get back together.

Maybe that's got something to do with it.

Such as?

I'm not sure. I have never been separated.

Or married.

When he leaves the station, which way does he go?

Right. Or left, sometimes.

Would it be cheating just to ask Don?

Ask me what?

Where you get to in your lunch hour.

- Is that any business of yours? - Well, no not exactly.

There you are, then.

Alf, have you had any luck with reports of stolen expl*sives?

Nothing local. I'm waiting for Control to get back

to say if there's anything in any other divisions.

Right. Tell them it's urgent. Put a b*mb under them, as it were.

There you are. I told you. He's up to something.

Stuart Hopley. Is he any relation?

My husband. He's a credit control clerk.

- I'll need to speak to him. - He's not in today.

At home, is he?

Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

- When did you last see him? - Last night.

What happened?

He'd been drinking and we had a stupid argument.

It was nothing really, but he walked out and I don't where he's gone.

Can you give me a description of your husband?

He's . '". Quite slim. Dark Hair.

- Do you have a photograph? - Yeah. Hold on.

He's probably back home, sleeping it off. He's done this before.

Let's hope so. Do you mind if I keep a hold of this?

Morning. I've come to collect a parcel.

- You've come to the right place. - Armstrong. Mrs.

- Armstrong. - Deefer!

- David! - Here. Get that dog out of here.

What have you done?!

Get that dog out of here!

- David, what are you doing?! - It won't stop!

Do something, will you?

Argh! David!

-Get hold of Deefer or something! - Careful!

- I'm sorry! - Careful!

Have you got your tusks yet?

No. I'm going off this walrus and the carpenter idea.

Oh, no. You'll look lovely. It's like the Beatles said,

♪ I am the walrus Googoogajoob! ♪

There's a customer. You see to him, will you?

Hi. Can I help you?

What's the best way to get to the station?

Catch a train.

Straight down the road. First left. But there's a sign for it.

Thanks.

You're going on my birthday list.

"Armstrong". There. Now will you please go?

With pleasure.

Have you got one for a Dawn Bellamy?

Well, it's not me! I'm just picking it up for someone.

- Is that it? - I don't know.

Neither do I. Not since some prannet set off a fire extinguisher in here.

Oh, just take it before anything else goes wrong.

Parcel for Riggs.

- Careful! - You'll have to sign for it.

Mrs Hopley, I'm afraid we have some bad news.

- What? - Perhaps you'd like to sit down.

A man's body has been found in the sea...

And we believe that man to be your husband.

Stuart? Oh, no.

I'm sorry.

I don't understand. How?

We don't know how he came to be there,

but we'll do everything we can to keep you fully informed.

If there's anything you can tell us about last night, Mrs Hopley.

No. No, I told you.

PC Mason will take you home. We can deal with the formalities later.

Call Nurse Cassidy and ask her to call round.

What's happened to that?!

There was Deefer and some pigeons.

And a fire extinguisher. It's a long story.

I haven't got time for that now, David.

I'll have to smarten it up a bit.

Whatever you do, don't tell Dawn.

What, about the pigeons?

No, about the present. It's a surprise.

Oh, no.

- Did you find Stu? - No, not yet. He's gone to ground.

Well, if we can't find Stuart -

Forget Stuart. If he doesn't show up, we'll use Janice.

What do you call this?

That's a frock and that's a bottle of Babycham.

And how am I supposed to blow a safe with a frock and Babycham?!

You've got the wrong flaming parcel!

It was the only one there!

Then someone else has got ours.

You'd better get it back before they blow themselves to kingdom come.

You can't do that. You're not in the force any more.

This is not what I'd call police work.

I can see you're not getting very far with your investigation.

No. But I will.

Hello.

"Adult Education Institute".

Don Wetherby's not what you'd call the, er, self-improving type, is he?

So what's he doing with this?

I've no idea. You've got two hours left.

This isn't for me.

- I can see that. - Someone else must have my parcel.

There's not a lot I can do.

Have you got a list of who picked up parcels today?

No, no, no. You'll have to fill in a form.

Look, if I don't get this sorted out quickly, I could lose my job.

You couldn't just do us a favour, could you?

Sorry.

Is there a lost property office? You see, I found this outside.

And I'd like to hand it in.

It's shocking how careless some people can be. Don't you think?

David the taxi driver? Based at Scripps' garage.

Thanks.

I've received the results of the post mortem.

Stuart Hopley d*ed by drowning,

but he'd received a blow to the head,

so he was probably unconscious before he hit the water.

So we have a m*rder on our hands.

It's likely that he was driving the van involved in last night's robbery.

His fingerprints were all over the steering wheel.

So we're looking for his accomplices?

Yes. And CID want us to find witnesses.

Mason, talk to the wife. See if she knows anything.

Alf, Wetherby, find out what we can about Stuart Hopley.

Younger, see if anybody saw that van before last night.

Let's get to it.

What are you doing?

Long story. I thought that might be for me.

You use a lot of embalming fluid, do you?

No, just aftershave.

There's been a mix-up at the station and I've lost a parcel.

Well, you'll not find it in here.

Right.

Bye.

Ooh! Oh, hello! What are you doing?

He's leaving.

I saw you at the pub last night, didn't I?

Yeah, I'm staying there.

If you're free this afternoon, you can come to my party.

- That might be a bit tricky. - Go on. It's my birthday.

I'll try.

Tell you what, could you help me?

I'm looking for a taxi driver called David.

David? He lives down the road. I can show you if you want.

Oh, brilliant.

I'm sorry to intrude, Mrs Hopley,

but I do need to talk to you about Stuart.

We have reason to believe that he was m*rder*d.

m*rder*d?

We also think he was involved in the break-in at the factory last night.

Stuart's not like that. He's not been in any trouble.

I know it's a shock. But can you think of any reason

why he may be mixed up in something like that?

No. No, I don't know.

Think carefully? Has anything struck you as odd or unusual?

Anything at all that might help us find who k*lled Stuart?

No. Look, all I know is... he was worried about money.

Why was that?

He was always losing money. On the horses.

Sometimes his whole pay packet.

Had he borrowed money?

I don't know. He didn't tell me.

That's enough for now. She needs to rest.

- Did that bloke find you? - What bloke?

He was in the pub last night. He's dead dishy!

I don't know what he's looking for me for, then.

Something about a parcel.

Did you pick one up from the station at lunchtime?

No. No, I haven't picked up any parcels, no.

Well, that's OK, then. That's all he wanted.

Right! You're taking me to Ashfordly to get my fancy dress costume!

- Now?! - Yes!

It's my birthday, David. You have to do what I want.

I don't know how that's different from every other day.

- I'll just tell Mr Scripps. - No, no, no, no! Don't you dare.

I want to keep it a surprise.

There'll be a few of those around today, eh?

What?

Surp... Not that I know of any. Surprise...

What are you doing? Is that Janice's address book?

Well, I'm not going to get much from her.

She's in shock.

Don't you think it's more than that? She's scared.

You don't know that.

Her husband, a man with no criminal record,

is involved in an attempted break-in.

He drives off in a van full of expl*sives and then gets k*lled.

She's not stupid. She knows something.

Can I help you?

Oh, erm... yes. I'm, er... I'm looking for a friend.

I've heard that before.

- I mean a colleague. - Who, exactly?

Don Wetherby.

Oh! Oh, I understand now.

We were expecting someone younger.

I'm sorry? I don't follow.

Don's more the usual age for your line of work.

Yes, well, I'm retired now.

Well, I suppose it's like riding a bicycle.

You don't forget how to do it.

Some people think you improve with age and experience.

Possibly. This way, please.

Chop, chop. We haven't got all day.

I would have remembered the van. It hasn't been in here.

What about strangers? Anyone acting suspiciously.

There was this young chap nosing around earlier.

Story about a missing parcel.

Any idea where I might find him?

Dawn said something about him going to see David.

Mind you, if she's given him directions,

he'll be half way to York by now.

Thanks, Mr Scripps.

What did Janice Hopley have to say for herself?

Not a lot. She did say that Hopley gambled and might have owed money.

What about you, Wetherby?

I spoke to a neighbour, Brian Drabble. He saw Hopley about ten.

Said he was arguing with his wife.

Brian Drabble? You know he's a loan shark?

He's got form for v*olence. He doesn't like late payers.

And he was one of the last to see Hopley alive. Bring him in.

There's been a misunderstanding. I need to find Don Wetherby.

The agency left a message. He's not coming.

What agency?

Your agency. You said you were a colleague, didn't you?

- Now hurry up, the class is waiting. - I'm not with an agency.

I'm not interested in the details. Just get ready, please.

I have to lock it from the outside.

Did Stuart Hopley borrow money from you?

All the time.

- You didn't mention that. - You didn't ask.

- Did he owe you money? - quid, as of yesterday.

Fat chance of seeing that again

Let's get this straight. Hopley owes you a large amount of money.

You saw him yesterday.

- Did you speak to him? - No.

He owes you all this money but you didn't talk to him?

- You didn't go after him? - Hold on!

I never laid a finger on him.

He was off down the street faster than any horse he ever backed.

- Because you were chasing him? - He weren't scared of me.

Not while he had Janice's skirt to hide behind.

What do you mean by that?

You know who her dad is, don't you?

Come on! Danny Riggs.

Why do you think I lent him all that brass in the first place?

MUSIC: 'There's A Ghost In My House' by R Dean Taylor

I know you're down there. DEEFER BARKS

Don't try anything, else I'll set the dog on you.

Now, come on, luvvie.

- Don't do anything daft. - Don't move!

- Stay where you are. - Deefer!

Don't move! Don't move!

Don't move!

Argh!

Argh!

Daniel Riggs has form for larceny and safe-blowing.

His current address is in Ripon.

Isn't that where the van was stolen?

There's a quarry there as well.

They reported a theft of expl*sives last month.

If he's Janice Hopley's father, we'd better talk to her again.

What do you want to do about Drabble?

He's still a suspect. He may be telling a pack of lies.

PHONE RINGS Keep him here.

Ashfordly Police Station. What?

It's Younger. Peggy Armstrong's been sh*t.

Mason, get over there.

Would somebody open this door?!

What are you doing? Get your clothes off.

I beg your pardon?

We never have trouble with Don. He does as he's told.

Oh, does he? Well, I'm going.

No, you are not. I've waited two years in anticipation of today.

- Well, I'm sorry. - It's the climax I've dreamt of.

- Well, I can't help that. - You can and you will.

Now strip off and get ready for action.

I'm locking the door.

Is she...?

Flaming furious? Yes, I am.

Peggy, I told you. Don't move till the ambulance gets here.

I don't need an ambulance.

I want to find that yobbo who peppered me with bird sh*t.

I drove around, but couldn't see him.

There was some blood on the road.

He must have cut himself quite badly, falling on that glass.

Could someone tell me what happened here?

I was sh*t. In the bustle.

You were lucky you were wearing it.

She's got some nasty pellet wounds. It could have been serious.

And then to top it all, the clown that did it fell on my home brew.

From the beginning, please?

Mrs Armstrong found a young feller going through her galoshes.

Why would anyone want to steal galoshes?

That's the odd thing. I think the same man was in the garage earlier.

Mr Scripps said he was interfering with a parcel there too.

He was asking after David.

So what's the link? David or the parcels?

Our David collected a parcel an all. From the station.

Maybe he knows something.

- I wouldn't bank on it. - Where is he?

No-one seems to know. He's vanished.

MUSIC: 'Catch The Wind' by Donovan

What happened? What did you do?

- What do you mean? - Stuart. You k*lled Stuart.

Slow down. What are you saying?

Stuart's dead. He was m*rder*d.

Johnno. I might have known.

He did it?

He must have. No wonder he was acting jumpy.

He always had it in for Stuart.

I'm sorry, love.

This is a mess.

Dad, what are we going to do?

Pack a suitcase. Fast.

Good girl.

There's no one in, Sarge.

Bang on some doors. See if anybody saw her go out.

MUSIC: 'Renaissance Fair by The Byrds

Buck up. It's an A Level practical. They're only going to draw you.

I'd rather be hung, drawn and quartered.

I've no idea why you went into this line of work in the first place.

Don always rather enjoys himself.

Hop on your plinth.

There were parcels for Peggy Armstrong, Bernie Scripps

and David picked one up for Dawn Bellamy?

That is correct.

What's this name here?

It looks like "Riggs".

Do you remember anything about him?

He may have been involved in a serious crime. A sh**ting.

He was a young feller. He came back because he'd got the wrong parcel.

I told him that David the taxi driver might be able to help.

That would explain a lot.

PIGEON COOS

TRAIN WHISTLE

It was a shame Don wasn't available today. You fidget.

I do not. Good grief.

Where have you put my clothes?

- I didn't. - I left them in here.

It must be someone's silly idea of a joke.

- Why didn't you lock the door? - I forgot.

- Don't worry, I'll call the police. - No, that won't be necessary.

I insist. This is all my fault.

And you don't want to go home dressed in a toga, do you?

Don't lock the door!

SIGHS

Nurse Cassidy!

What happened to him?

- We found him down the road. - He says he was in an accident.

Do you know who he is?

I can find out. He's staying at the pub.

- What's your name? -Johnno.

He needs to go to hospital, but I'll clean him up first.

Go find Joe. Tell him it's urgent.

- What is? - Say it's the man who sh*t Peggy.

Peggy? My aunt Peggy?

I'll try to keep him here. Quickly!

Where are we going?

We're going to pick Johnno up.

I told him to be at the pub in Aidensfield by three or else.

After what he did? Leave him.

I don't trust him not to talk.

What if they've found him already?

I don't see how. Anyway, I'll deal with it.

How?

I was under the impression you were a professional model.

It's more of a part time job.

You did let us down today.

There was a misunderstanding with the agency.

They couldn't find a replacement at such short notice.

They did. But he was a bag of nerves.

Now the poor man's had his clothes stolen.

Don't say a word.

I'll take this from here.

This might sting.

There's no need. I haven't got time!

There's a risk of infection if these cuts aren't cleaned and stitched.

I'll go to hospital. But not now, yeah?

'Control to Delta Alpha Two Four, over.'

Delta Alpha Two Four to control.

'Can you go to the surgery in Aidensfield?

Nurse Cassidy says it's an emergency. Over.'

Peggy. Nurse Cassidy said you'd been sh*t.

I have.

And Gina has very kindly given me a medicinal drink.

Have you seen Joe?

No. If he's not at the Police House, you'd better phone Ashfordly.

What's going on?

I'm a bit conf... Are you sure you've been sh*t?

Yes. And I'm not going to show you where.

Put it this way, David. We are not amused.

From what Peggy said, I'm sure it's the man who sh*t her.

Where is he now?

I don't know. Dawn said he's staying at the pub.

Right.

You've been moonlighting.

I don't see what it's got to do with you.

Yes, I'm trying to get back with my wife.

You know, the old soft soap, wining and dining.

It's an expensive business.

I should save that for Sergeant Miller.

If you talk to him,

I'll have to explain about today...

and show him this.

- You wouldn't dare. - Try me.

And as far as Alf's concerned, you lost your bet.

'Control to Panda One, over.'

'Control to Panda One, over.'

Panda One receiving, over.

'There's an incident at the Aidensfield Arms.'

Get in quick. It's the pub.

Gina. The young man who's staying here, where is he?

He went upstairs, Joe. He didn't look too well.

Do you have the parcel that David collected from the station for Dawn?

Yeah. Hold on a minute.

There you go.

- What are you doing? - This isn't Dawn's.

- Trust David. - That one's mine!

- He sh*t me! - Ta-da! Bonnie and Clyde.

- Is that for me? - Careful! Get back, all of you.

Enough high expl*sives here to blow you all into next week.

Anyone does anything stupid, it goes on the fire.

You wouldn't dare.

Yeah. Well, I would.

You do as you're told and no-one gets hurt.

OVER LOUDSPEAKER: Come on out. No need to involve innocent people.

We know who you are. You won't get away with it.

What are we going to do?

That's a good question. You've got no way out.

Shut up, both of you.

This isn't going to help. You're already looking at a m*rder charge.

What's he talking about?

Stuart Hopley.

- Stuart's dead? - Stop playing silly games, Johnno.

- You know he is. - You k*lled him?

What did you do that for?

Don't listen to him. He's playing for time.

I don't think the cops out there have got g*ns.

Put that there.

We're getting out of here.

Janice? One of them k*lled Stuart.

You're not going to let them get away with it, are you?

- Shut him up, will you? - Argh!

Leave him alone!

I'm fine. I'm OK.

You. You sit down and you belt up.

All of you! Janice, shut them curtains.

- Where's that back-up, Younger? - They're on their way, Sergeant.

If they're coming from DHQ, they'll be half an hour at least,

if you're lucky. - We'll just have to wait.

As far as we know, there's only two of them in there, Sarge.

I'm not taking any risks.

Was it Stuart's idea about the break-in?

Good way to pay off his debts? Get your dad to rob the safe?

Even if you knew about it, you could still walk away from this.

You don't have to get dragged down by them.

You don't know what you're talking about.

I just don't get it. Why are you here with them?

One of them k*lled your husband.

- Which one was it Janice? - Hey!

I told you before.

Or was it you? You're the one that wanted Stuart dead?

Tie him up. And shut your gob. I've had enough of you yatter.

Hey, Jan?

Make yourself useful. Wrap that up like it was before.

A nice present for one of you lucky people.

- I didn't k*ll him. - You think I believe that?

You and your dad aren't pinning this on me.

I'm not getting sent down for m*rder.

No-one's getting sent down for nothing.

We don't even know that Stuart was m*rder*d.

For all we know, he's playing games.

On my life, I didn't k*ll him.

Well, it wasn't me. He wasn't worth it.

Don't look at me. It was you, wasn't it?

You did it. You hit him over the head and threw him in the river.

I think she'd stand up in court and say that too.

You, pick up the parcel.

Me?

I'll do it.

No, Dawn!

You've got the baby, Gina.

Keep an eye on her. I'm going outside.

You an' all.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

They're coming.

See that parcel? It's full of plastic expl*sive.

Anyone tries anything and she's dead.

There's no need for that.

That's near enough. I want a car with a full t*nk.

I want it here in ten minutes. And I want a clear run.

You've been set up pal. You know that, don't you?

I'm not interested.

Janice and Stuart had the idea for the break-in.

Your uncle knows how to cr*ck a safe.

- What are you here for? - Don't listen to him.

To carry the can. You know that's how it looks now?

If these two have their way, you're going to prison.

- Because Janice k*lled Stuart. - I never!

You and Stuart were always fighting. But this was the final straw.

He'd wrecked your plan. He'd left your dad in the lurch.

He was weak, pathetic.

Shut up!

You said Stuart was hit over the head.

- How did you know that? - You told me.

No, I didn't. We didn't know for sure.

But you did. Because you hit him.

- He's lying. - Am I? This was your big chance.

A chance to pay off your debts,

to get away from the factory, that creep of a boss.

Then Stuart ruined it all like he always did.

It was you?!

Back in.

Come on.

What's happened to Joe? What if he's hurt.

Sarge, we've got to do something.

We don't even know how many there are of them.

There's a way round the back through the kitchen door.

If I get in there, I could see what's going on.

If they can see us, they must know we aren't armed.

They will if you don't keep your voice down.

At least let me have a decco.

I won't be in any more danger than I am stuck here.

Go on. Don't do anything stupid.

What's up?!

You know, don't you. She did it. Janice k*lled Stu.

g*nsh*t No!

Oh!

Dad! There's more of them outside. I think they've got g*ns too.

I can't stop the bleeding!

Dawn? Dawn? Put that...

- There's someone in there. - No!

You! Stop. I'm warning you!

You get over there with your oppo.

Oi! Give that here.

Right.

We... are getting out of here.

You an all.

Move!

Armed police officers!

Keep walking. Why did you do it, Jan?

You should have told me, should have trusted me.

You still can... Say it was you, Dad. Please!

- It's too late now. - That's far enough.

- Dad, I don't want to go to jail. - You won't.

Argh!

- Dawn! - You're under arrest!

Lucky for you, it was only the detonator.

Dawn. Are you all right?

Yeah. I think so.

- How are the others? - They're fine.

Thanks to you.

Careful, careful. SIRENS

Thank you.

DAWN: Ow!

Come on. Quick as you can.

That's it.

- Are you OK? - I'll survive. How's he doing?

- We need an ambulance. - It's on its way.

- Where are the expl*sives? - They're here.

I want this place evacuated until b*mb disposal have dealt with it.

I'm sorry. Celebrations will have to wait until this place is secure.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm arresting you on suspicion of the m*rder of Stuart Hopley.

You are not obliged to say anything unless you wish to do so,

but what you say may be put in writing and given in evidence.

There are some outstanding matters. The burglary.

The break-in was Stu's idea. He couldn't even get that right.

His big plan to save us and he fouls it up.

Story of his life.

Always let you down.

You know the funny thing is, when I met him,

I thought he was some kind of superman. I really did.

I were that stupid.

What happened, Janice?

I don't know. I just woke up one day and it was all so obvious.

Stu didn't love me. Not really.

I couldn't compete with the thrill he got at the bookies.

And I saw him for what he was. A loser.

He was always gonna lie and cheat and let me down.

Why didn't you just leave him?

- Because he'd come crawling back. - You didn't have to k*ll him.

My family isn't the kind you just walk away from.

If I'd left Stu, there's no telling what he'd say or do.

He should never have given me the chance,

but there he was hanging off that bridge last night.

It was too easy.

Hey, hey! She's hear, everyone. Ready?

ALL: ♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday, dear Dawn

♪ Happy birthday to you!

It's definitely a birthday I won't forget.

Where are your costumes?

He's the good looking one out of Z Cars.

And she's Florence Nightingale.

You won't be winning any prizes.

Talking of prizes.

You've won it fair and square, Peg.

Happy birthday, Dawn.

I'm sorry this took so long to get to you.

Oh, it's lovely!

Oh. Shame it's too big.

I'm not picking up any more parcels.

You'll just have to make do or wait until you grow into it.

Crisps!

I said the prize came from behind the bar.

Remember, the prize is in the taking part, not the winning!

That's all the thanks I get for saving your necks?

Huh! Typical.

RINGS BELL

Ladies and gentlemen, much against my better judgement,

we still have one more present for our Dawn here.

Oh, no. I've had enough of surprises for today.

No. You're gonna love this one.

It's the one, the only...

- Elvis! - Uh-huh!

It's not the real one. It's Gary from the chip shop in Pickering.

If you don't like him, you can always return to sender.

Don't you dare. He's gorgeous.

Oh, thank you so much.

This has turned out to be the best birthday ever.

SONG: 'Blue Suede Shoes'