17x18 - Taking Stock

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why does a love kiss stay in my memory? ♪

MUSIC: 'Hold On, I'm Comin'' by Sam & Dave

♪ Now don't you ever be sad

♪ Lean on me when times get bad

♪ When the day comes and you're down

♪ In a river of trouble and about to drown

♪ Hold on, I'm comin'

♪ Hold o-on, I'm comin'... ♪

TYRES SCREECH

GLASS SHATTERS, METAL GRINDING

HORN BLARES

PEGGY: Each time one of these moorland farms is sold off,

a little bit of the old country ways dies with it, David.

It's a hard life farming these hills.

Folk don't want that nowadays.

Look at 'em.

Vultures.

They're all after a bargain. Summat for nowt.

You know, I still don't really understand

why we drove all the way out here, Aunt Peg.

Because there's rich pickings to be had, lad.

Come here. I'll show you some.

Come here.

BLEATING

Now, then. What can you see in there?

DAVID: I think they're goats, but they're funny-looking things.

Look beyond the obvious, David, and then you'll see what I see.

PEGGY: This herd, I've been told, was that old farmer's pride and joy.

I picked up a whisper.

Apparently, he made a really good, regular income out of these animals.

We can get 'em at a knock-down price and then we're made!

Suppliers of specialist dairy produce.

Goat's milk and cheese, David.

He's still unconscious, with obvious head injuries

and possible broken ribs and goodness knows what internal damage.

Have you any idea who he is?

I found no ID on him. I'll get the number plate checked.

See if we can find out that way.

I'd better go with them to hospital. I'll pick up the Land Rover later.

- Delta Alpha - to control. - YOUNGER: "Go ahead, Joe."

This RTA vehicle check, please.

The owner of the vehicle is a Bryan Turner.

That's Bryan with a Y, not an I,

of , that's -, Upper Jesmond Street,

Bootle, Lancashire. Over.

MASON: "Thanks, Geoff. Is that everything?"

That's it, Joe. Out.

What are you looking so pleased about?

Oh, well, PC Mason wanted the ID of the driver,

so I found out the registered owner and sorted it out for him.

MILLER: Have you?

Now, if Mr Ventress was here, he wouldn't have left it at that.

He'd have thought to himself, "Not locally registered,

involved in a high-speed RTA, no driver ID...

I wonder if there's something untoward going on here."

He'd have then phoned Bootle police

to see if they had any knowledge of the vehicle.

♪ Take me to heart

♪ And I'll always love you

♪ And nobody

♪ Can make me do wrong... ♪

Where are you going, Moira?

- I'm just popping out. - Again?

I wanted to catch the shops before they close.

See you later.

♪ ..leaving love unsu-ure

♪ Makes will power weak

♪ And temptation stro-ong... ♪

Stolen three nights ago in Liverpool.

- What's it doing over here, then? - Good question.

And who's the driver?

I'll suggest CID get Scenes Of Crime over.

There might be some fingerprints in there.

There's very little else. Not even a cigarette end or sweet wrapper.

Just this.

MASON: Looks like some sort of sketch, of a street layout possibly.

- Do you recognise where it might be? - No. Could be anywhere.

Best keep an eye on our man in the hospital.

The state he was in, sarge,

I doubt he's going to leg it out of there in a hurry.

Not a sight I see every day,

a staunch, teetotal Methodist having a drink.

I needed to talk to you, Oscar.

Oh, any time, Gilbert.

You seem upset. What's the problem?

It's Moira.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Is she not well?

No, nothing like that. She's in good health.

What, then?

Not lost her job, has she?

No, she's well thought of at the auctioneers'.

It's personal.

I've caught her out on a lie or two lately, Oscar.

I think she's seeing another man.

When you've got a minute, please, Dawn.

Hold your horses, will you? I'm not my Aunty Gina, you know, matey.

Oh.

What was it again? Was it two gins and a scotch?

No, Dawn. Two scotches and a gin is what they asked for.

SHE SIGHS

The sooner she gets back from Liverpool, the better.

Tell me, Bernie, Gina's ploughman's lunch,

what sort of cheese does she use?

Whatever she gets from the grocer's, I imagine.

There's nowt much else on offer round here.

Well, there will be, soon.

Aidensfield goat's cheese will be coming on the market.

Goat's cheese? Who's selling that?

We will be, won't we, David?

- Dawn, can I have a pint of bitter? - DAWN: One second.

Well, it's not my day.

I can't get a pint, I've had Miller on my back all shift.

I wish you weren't on leave, Alf.

I'm stuck in the office with him all the time.

Aye. Dealing with the sergeant and his ways

does take a bit of experience, lad. CHUCKLES

GILBERT: I had my suspicions a few weeks back.

She was on the phone. I came in unexpectedly. She hung up.

Said she was talking to an old friend.

By chance, I ran into that same friend a couple of days later,

and I could tell by the way she was asking after Moira

that they hadn't spoken in quite a while.

Then, about three weeks ago,

she said she was off to the pictures.

But she never went there.

How do you know that?

Well, I thought I'd walk into town, meet her after the film.

I waited, waited... but she never came out.

And when I got back, she was already home.

She said how much she'd enjoyed the film.

I said nothing.

Well, you might have missed her coming out.

No, there's only the one way out.

I saw everyone who left. She was never there.

I can't believe this, Gilbert.

When my marriage went pear-shaped, you were a great strength to me.

But I never dreamt that you and Moira would...

No, I know.

Chapel twice a week, -odd years married.

It's knocked me sideways, has this.

Well, it might not be an affair.

There might be another explanation.

I did ask her if anything was the matter.

She said no.

I... hired a private detective a couple of weeks ago.

Oh...

Lennie Dinsdale. That's what he's up to these days, is it?

He says he's an ex-copper.

Is he 'eck! He's a traffic warden.

Well, he hasn't got very far.

Well, he's useless.

That's why I've come to you, Oscar.

I know that you do a bit of this sort of thing.

Oh, hang on a minute, Gilbert.

I'm very busy here. I've got Gina away in Liverpool and...

GILBERT: Please.

As an old friend.

I don't usually touch matrimonial affairs.

Not with somebody I know.

But don't you know somebody you worked with you could use?

I'm not very popular at home.

Mrs Ventress wanted me to wallpaper the spare room.

Well, the lady's name is Moira Hartley.

She works for the auctioneers at Ashfordly Livestock Market.

She drives in about this time.

- And you want me to follow her? - Just keep a check.

If she stops off anywhere of picks anyone up,

just keep her under surveillance.

I see. You give the orders and I do the donkey work.

Just like when it was sergeant and constable.

Well, I'd do it myself, Alf, but she knows me.

And with Gina away in Liverpool, I've got to keep my eyes on the pub.

So stop moaning.

I'm doing you a favour by the sounds of it.

We'll see about that.

Is that her?

OSCAR: Yeah.

ALF: Well, I suppose infidelity comes in all shapes and sizes.

Yeah. But the pain and the hurt it causes is always the same.

I've talked with Liverpool CID.

The concern is the car could have been stolen to order

to use in another crime. - Scenes Of Crime find any prints?

Yes. I'm waiting to hear if there's a match on file.

The sketch you found doesn't tell us anything, I'm afraid.

The hospital says the driver remains critical,

but they hope he'll regain consciousness soon.

I'll look in there. We need to identify and talk to this man.

Got the landlady to make us a brew.

Is he still not back?

Something may have happened.

I sent Terry out in the other car to have a look for him.

I like people here when I want them.

- Relax, eh? - You what?

Look, I'm sure he'll be back soon, yeah?

Here you are, have a mug of tea while you're waiting.

Aaagh! HE GROANS

I don't like to be kept waiting.

BLEATING

Look lively, David!

We'll be able to have fresh goat's milk with us breakfast.

- I don't like the look of 'em. - Oh, just get on with it!

Now, now, don't scare the poor things!

You'll never get milk from a frightened goat.

Oh...oh...

Right. Now, Peggy, can you just get that bucket for me?

Oh, hang on. I'll come over and give you a hand.

Just a minute. Here y'are.

PEGGY: You go up front. I'll get the back.

- DAVID: I'll hold it. - PEGGY: I've got it.

BLEATING

Ooh!

MUSIC: 'Along Came Jones' by The Coasters

PEGGY: Oh! Come here! Come here!

Oh, now look what you've done!

Go on! Go on! Get up! Oh!

♪ Slow-talkin' Jones ♪

- He never said anything? - No. He was unconscious.

- The whole time? - Certainly while I was there.

I came with him in the ambulance

and they took him straight into intensive care.

So we still haven't got a clue who he is?

No, not as far as I know.

Do you want me to see if anything's come up?

Yeah. I'd appreciate that, thanks.

Good news on prints found in the car, sergeant.

About time. They found a match?

A known Liverpool criminal called Ronald Patrick Burns.

That'll be our man in there, then.

Seems likely. He's got form for armed robbery.

He's a getaway driver.

Right, now we're getting somewhere. All we need now is to talk to him.

He still hasn't regained consciousness?

Not as far as I know.

I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but your mystery man has just d*ed.

MUSIC: 'What A Man' by Linda Lyndell

- Morning, Moira. - Morning, Geoff.

♪ I get lovin' (Lovin')

♪ By the hundred

♪ And I get lovin' (Lovin')

♪ Yes, by the pint

♪ Got me doing the camel walk

♪ In my sleep

♪ Made me do the James Brown... ♪

Liverpool CID say Burns was a known associate

of a g*ng leader called Roy Leamus.

Leamus is a major criminal. He's got form for armed robbery.

Banks, post offices, security vans, the lot.

I don't like the sound of this.

Are we sure that Burns is the dead man?

The description fits.

We've had prints taken from the body that should confirm it.

MASON: Then we need to find out why he was on our patch.

Could he have been involved in some sort of robbery?

DAWSON: Nothing's been reported. We shouldn't jump to conclusions.

He could've stolen the car cos he fancied it

and was here to see a girlfriend or something.

MILLER: No, I don't like it.

Connections to a major criminal, dies in a stolen car on my patch.

We need to talk to Liverpool again.

Find out what we can about this Leamus g*ng.

Well, it's your fault. We're not going to get much milk

if we've got to spend half a day rounding them up, are we?

I've never liked goats.

And that one keeps butting me.

Oh, well, don't take it personal. They've all butted me.

Come on!

- Aunt Peggy? - What?

Why is it that you need to have, you know, like... boy goats,

if it's just the milk that you're after?

Nanny goats don't give milk until they have kids.

So... so wh-what do you need three boy goats for, then?

They were a job lot. What do you want me to do, sh**t 'em?

Actually, that's not such a bad idea.

'Ere.

You're gonna have to carry on with the milking yourself now

because Mr Scripps needs me to help at the garage,

so I'm just gonna be off now.

Oh, that's right! You just leave me to it.

Right then, you three.

Now, if one of you butts me again,

you'll have both barrels of my -bore up your backside!

Is that clear?

- ALF: How do? - Morning.

ALF: Oh! This is tedious work, Oscar.

I hope you're going to buy me lunch. I'm famished.

I don't like leaving Dawn on her own,

and Bernie can't keep an eye on her all the time.

What have I missed? Anything?

Well, her boss is the auctioneer, a Reginald Watts,

and he's recently divorced.

- Really? - He's quite good-looking,

in a sort of smoothie-chops sort of way. Hm!

Talk of the devil!

- Should I follow on foot? - It might be her dinner break.

I'll come with you, but keep a discreet distance.

I'll see you after lunch.

MUSIC: 'Poison Ivy' by The Coasters

♪ She's pretty as a daisy

♪ But look out, man, she's crazy

♪ She'll really do you in...

Bernie! Bernie!

♪ If you let her get under... ♪

Where are you pair off to?

The police want us to pick up that car that crashed yesterday.

We're gonna bring it in,

for the insurance thingies to have a look at.

Oh, great. Sounds fun. I'll come with you.

No, you won't! I hope you haven't left dirty glasses and ashtrays

all over the place in there.

You need everything ship-shape for tonight.

It is. Please, Bernie, let me come with you.

- No! - Oh!

If you want summat to do while the pub's closed,

why don't you help out here? Serve petrol, answer the phones and that.

Wow, groovy.

Oh! You are a big spoilsport, aren't you?

HE CHUCKLES

KNOCK AT DOOR

It looks like you were right to be concerned.

Liverpool CID are saying no-one's seen Roy Leamus for over a week.

He's missing from his usual haunts.

And they've got wind he's planning something big,

probably not on their ground. - Where, then? Here?

They've no definite information on that.

Why else would Burns be in the area?

The g*ng are known to carry g*ns, you say?

Mm-hm, and use them.

We need to know if they are here as a matter of urgency.

We'll circulate their descriptions.

Get onto guesthouses, B&Bs, pubs that do rooms.

ROY: Always fancied himself as a racing driver.

I knew he'd k*ll himself one day.

I could've done without this.

♪ I'm gonna find her

♪ I'm gonna find her

♪ I'm gonna find her...

OSCAR: She might be here to meet someone.

'Ey up.

ALF: What did I tell you?

She's being blackmailed.

ALF: I don't think so. I'll be giving him some money myself later.

It's Wally, the pools man.

She's paying for her coupon.

♪ Searching every which way Yay, yay... ♪

WOMAN: Can I help you?

Sorry to bother you. I just wondered if you had

a group of male guests staying, from Liverpool.

I do, actually. Why?

- Is this one of them? - WOMAN: Yes, he's here.

Mr Green he is. Well, what's he done?

- How many of them are there? - Three of 'em.

There were four, but one of 'em seems to have left.

He wasn't at breakfast, any road.

- Are they in there just now? - Yes.

I just popped out for something for their tea.

They want to eat now because they're going out soon.

I just need to radio in. Could you come and wait with me?

- Well, what's all this about? - Don't worry.

It's no fun, being stuck in here all day with no heater going, Oscar.

I hope your mate's paying us well.

Gilbert's an old friend of mine and a very good one.

I'm not going to take advantage of his misfortune.

I'm doing this as a favour.

You've got me doing this as a favour, an' all?

Well, I've just talked to him. Moira will be home late tonight.

She said she's meeting an old lady friend from her sewing circle.

OSCAR: 'Ey up.

That's no lady in a sewing circle.

Aye. Well, let's follow them.

ENGINE SPLUTTERS

Make sure they can't see us.

Oh, this choke sometimes gets stuck.

Oh, Alf, for goodness' sake!

Well, it's an old car. ENGINE REVS

I hope we're getting petrol money.

MUSIC: 'Green Onions' by Booker T and the MG's

OSCAR: For goodness' sake, Alf!

ALF: It's not my fault he's pootling along at this speed!

- ALF: I mean, look at him! - OSCAR: Can't you overtake him?

ALF: It's no point. They've parked.

- Have you lost them? - Yes, thanks to your driving.

Well, what way did they go?

You go that way. I'll go this way.

I think I heard a door slam, so they may have gone into a house.

Find the house, we find the man.

BIRD CRIES

Firearms will be with us within the hour.

We need to go in now. The landlady said they're going out soon.

At least in there they're contained.

- They're armed. We're not. - We should take 'em now, sarge.

GATE SQUEAKS

Psst! Alf!

Did you see the house they came out of?

No.

You're as much use as two men off sick.

Come on.

I got the number plate down earlier at the cattle market.

ALF: Oh, no, it's that car again with the broken tail-light.

That's a bit of a coincidence.

Unless he's following her, as well.

You know, I reckon that's Lennie Dinsdale.

Gilbert hired him before he hired us.

It looks like we're both on the case now.

That's not very satisfactory, especially if he's getting paid.

Careful.

Police! Don't move!

There's no-one in this one either.

SHE SIGHS They must've known we were onto them.

RADIO: "A police spokesman said the dead driver's identity

still has to be confirmed. And finally the weather.'

RADIO CLICKS OFF

Even if they do know it's Burns by now, where will that leave them?

They can't know what we're planning.

We'll manage this without him. It's still on.

We go for it.

David tells me you've had a setback, milking them goats.

Did he?

Yeah, I never knew you could get milk from goats.

I just thought you got it from...

you know, the milkman.

Yeah, well, we didn't get that much from 'em.

No... because you skived off.

You know, I'm afraid them goats

are going to be more trouble than they're worth.

If you won't pull your weight!

I'm going to have to get sh*t of 'em.

Yeah, well, you see that chap over there?

He's staying here. He's going to Ashfordly market tomorrow.

I heard him going on about goats and that.

SCOFFS Well, he's not going to want these!

Daft-looking bunch that they are.

- Hey, hey! Shut it. - They are!

Button it.

There was definitely another car following her.

We just assumed it was Lennie Dinsdale.

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to tell him he was fired.

I'll call him in the morning.

But my suspicions are confirmed then?

She's definitely seeing another man?

Well, there... may be an explanation.

She might... have some sort of problem.

We've never had any secrets.

We've always been honest and open with each other.

I've spent sleepless hours going over every possibility.

There's only ever one that remains.

And it hurts.

It really hurts.

What sort of milk yield are you getting?

PEGGY: Oh, well above average, I'd say.

About half a bucket today.

- Is there much flesh on 'em? - PEGGY: Oh, yes!

They're good, plump-ish specimens.

Well, not really, Aunt Peg. You've got no more than three fluffy coats.

I realise that you've become very fond of our goats

and you don't want me to sell them.

But let's not mislead Mr Banham... please, David!

And what are the coats like, can I ask?

DAVID: Absolutely terrible.

I mean... look, I've got all this flipping hair over my jacket.

To be honest...

I've a busy day tomorrow. I'm not sure they're of interest.

Look, look... I got 'em for a bargain price.

I'm looking to do no more than get my money back.

All right. I'll drop by later and have a look.

Hey, Bernie.

If patricide is k*lling your father,

and fratricide is k*lling your brother...

is there a word for k*lling your nephew?

Unfortunately, he's not been spotted back in Liverpool yet,

so we'd better assume Leamus and his g*ng are still here.

This is the day that banks take delivery of bank notes,

supplying firms' wages, etc.

MILLER: Post offices take on extra cash for the weekend ahead.

We don't, of course, have any definite information

a robbery's planned...

No, but I'd rather be safe than sorry.

I've asked for armed back-up to be on stand-by.

What do we do if we spot 'em, Sergeant?

You don't, Younger. You stay here and man the radio and telephones.

Never mind, tiger. Your time will come.

Yes... Thank you, PC Wetherby.

If you spot Leamus, you radio in immediately.

All right, that's it.

They're a funny-looking bunch, aren't they?

Oh no, they're just very contented, that's all. Look!

PEGGY: Look at that one. She's smiling at you.

I'll give you what you paid for them. Not a penny more, mind.

Well, I can't exactly remember how much that was.

I checked the sale sheet down at the farm auction.

This is the figure. Here.

Oh, yeah, but that doesn't take into account

what I spent on petrol getting them here,

or the cost of the feeding.

Not a penny more. It's up to you.

Take it or leave it.

Ohh! Go on, then.

You sign 'em over to me, I'll give you what you paid for them.

Here.

I've a full day at t'market.

I won't be able to pick 'em up until tonight.

No, I don't like him.

I like most people, but I don't like him.

Well, at least I've nearly got back what they cost me.

BLEATING

Right. I'll take over while you pop to the police station.

- You what? - To get the name and address

of the registered owner of the vehicle

from that number plate you wrote down.

I'll lose my job if Miller catches me at it. Don't be daft, Oscar.

Well, if you're clever about it, he won't know.

But I'm on leave!

I can't just walk in and access police records for my own purposes.

A proper private detective would.

A proper private detective would be getting paid!

All right, I'll do it. I've got enough on my plate as it is!

I've just had to ask Bernie to look after the pub again.

Oh, is he getting paid? Or is he doing you a favour and all?

She seems to have no idea.

She just bought them for the milk and cheese.

Yeah, definitely angora goats.

And the price mohair is at present, I've got them for a right steal.

The fleeces they have now alone will quadruple my investment.

HE LAUGHS You could say that, yeah.

Well, you know me. Never miss an opportunity.

MUSIC: 'Security' by Otis Redding

Hey, Joe, bit worrying all this, isn't it?

We can't be everywhere. They could be watching any one of these banks.

Hit it the minute we leave.

I've got a list of post offices to check on now. See you later.

See you.

Bernie! What are you doing here?

That bloke you sold the goats to.

- What, Mr Banham? - I... I don't like him.

He's a nasty piece of homework, I reckon.

You'll like him even less now.

These are apparently angora goats.

People don't keep 'em for their milk and cheese

as much as for their coats. Pure mohair.

I knew they were a bargain when I bought 'em!

Well, anyway, it's too late now. You've sold 'em.

Can you not get out of the sale?

I've taken money. Signed them over.

Oh, I don't like being done like that!

BELL PINGS

Ah! Mr Blaketon. How can I help you?

HE CHUCKLES

Once you've been in this job, long after you retire...

you always share something with those that follow you.

Do you know what I mean?

Yes. Yes, I think so.

I know you were very well thought of as sergeant here, Mr Blaketon.

Ahhh, thank you, Geoffrey.

And I'll say this...

It would have been a privilege to serve alongside a constable like you.

Oh, it's very kind of you to say so. Yeah.

Was there anything you actually wanted, or...

did you just pop in to tell me that?

Well, since you mention it... Geoff.

HE CHUCKLES

There is one small thing you can do for me.

Run a vehicle check on that number.

Oh, I don't think I can, Mr Blaketon.

You see, I can only do that kind of thing in the line of duty.

Oh, come on, lad!

This job is about using your loaf.

Bending the rules when necessary.

Hello, Oscar. Is there something the matter?

Er... no.

No. Just... passing the time of day.

Yes... Yes.

Yes.

Well... I'd best be off.

Cheerio.

What was that all about?

Oh... nothing.

Nothing at all.

- Hello, Alf. - Hello.

I thought it was you.

This is how you spend your days off, is it? Hanging around markets, eh?

I'd rather be at home wallpapering.

Really?

Well, I can't stop.

We've got a scare on. I'm off to Yapsley Road Post Office.

Oh, well, if it's directions you want,

it's left, right, left again, and second on the right.

Thanks, Alf, but I think I should know my way around here by now.

Right.

Time to go to work.

ENGINE STARTS

Still no sight of the Leamus g*ng in Liverpool.

So I want you all on lates tonight.

Is DS Dawson still with us, sarge?

She's gone to see the armed back-up team. Why?

It's OK. I'll get hold of her.

I'm hoping you've come back to say you found the name and address

of her fancy man from the licence plate,

and then we can get off home.

OSCAR: No, that PC Younger can be a right dozy idiot at times.

Ten out of ten for observation, Oscar.

Oh, here we go. Last to leave.

Good night.

Well, her mystery man hasn't called to pick her up.

But let's follow her anyway.

I wasn't joking about the petrol money, you know.

ENGINE FAILS TO START

OSCAR: What are you doing?

Come on, Alf, for goodness' sake.

I don't believe it! That's Lennie Dinsdale.

Gilbert was supposed to have fired him.

Oh, dear. It's flooded.

For goodness' sake, Alf, she'll be miles away!

ALF: It's only an old banger. It's not suitable for fast pursuits.

OSCAR: Well, you lost her now.

ALF: No, I haven't! Look!

Well, that's very odd.

There's no sign of her.

Door left wide open.

Well, perhaps she arranged to meet him somewhere near here.

Was that Lennie Dinsdale again?

I'm sure I saw Moira in there.

With Lennie? What's going on?

Come on.

That's him! Parked.

- ALF: He's on his own now. - OSCAR: What's he playing at?

I'm sure that Moira was with him.

I've had enough of this.

It doesn't make sense.

Where are you going?!

I'm going to tell Lennie Dinsdale to sling his hook.

You can't blow our cover.

Frankly, Alf, I'm past caring.

Come on.

Lennie Dinsdale!

What's going on? COCKS g*n

Come on, you've got the keys! Get it open!

- MAN: Get in. - Who's this?

MAN: He turned up by the car.

I was just passing. I thought he was a friend of mine.

- ROY: On his own? - Yeah.

You. Sit there. Come on, get a move on!

Oh. Damn!

Earlier I bumped into Alf Ventress,

who gave me directions to Yapsley Post Office.

- So? - He was outside the cattle market.

The directions he gave exactly match the layout of this sketch.

It could match a lot of other places too.

Come and see this.

Those directions are the quickest way to Yapsley Road.

And Yapsley Road is the fastest way out of Ashfordly from the market.

But Leamus is a bank robber, not a cattle rustler.

Today's market day.

There's a lot of cash left in the safe there overnight.

- What you doing? - I'm waiting for somebody.

- What, this time of night? - Huh, better late than never.

Right. It says here that they come from... Angora.

- Well, they would, wouldn't they? - Where's that then?

I don't know, lovey! You're the one with the encyclopaedia.

And that they were...

They were first mentioned at the time of Moses.

Who by?

Mmmm. Doesn't say.

It just says "mentioned".

And that each animal...

can give to pounds of...

mo-hair.

Do you know, David, it's times like this

that I think we should get a television.

Really?!

Well, it's got to be better than making our own entertainment.

CAR ARRIVES Hey up. That's him.

- Who's that then? - It's a friend of mine.

He's lending us summat. Come on, grab your coat.

You're going to be very busy.

ROY: Come on, get it open!

- I can't find the right key. - Don't mess me about.

I've been watching you for days. Get it open now!

You're making me nervous. It's complicated.

- Open it! - I...I can't find the key.

Find it! Or I'll blow his head off!

Hold it there. g*n COCKS

It seems pretty quiet.

That's Alf Ventress' car.

I don't think there's much doing here.

- ALF: I can't see where I'm going. - MAN: Oh, come on!

Oh, no, I think I've trod in something.

MAN: What?

MAN GROANS

g*n FIRES

I'll alert back-up.

- What's going on? - Some old bloke gave me a dig.

MAN: I think I sh*t him, but he got away.

ROY: Get the car started.

Jimmy sh*t some bloke. Come on, get a move on!

THUMPS AND GROANS

Police! Hold it there.

- Where is he? - MASON: Armed police! Drop the g*n.

Drop it!

We are armed. Drop the g*n now! SIREN

Drop it!

Hands on your heads!

You should have stayed in Liverpool, pal.

DAWSON: Are you all right? Are you hurt?

What are you doing here?

Alf Ventress is outside. I think he's been sh*t.

David! He's here!

- Good evening, Mr Banham. - Evening.

My colleague is with the goats in the barn.

WHIRRING

What the blazes is this?

PEGGY: You bought the goats. We'll keep the fleeces.

No, you won't! I bought them as they were this morning.

And that means the fleeces as well.

Hey, that bill said goats. It didn't say nowt about fleeces.

So if you don't mind, I'd like you to take 'em away

before I start charging rent.

BLEATING

- OSCAR: Alf! - MASON: Alf!

Alf, where are you?

ALF: I'm here.

Alf! Are you all right?

A bit winded, that's all.

A quick karate chop to get away.

Five years in the Commandos taught me that.

And when you're in trouble, just lie doggo.

years' marriage to Mrs Ventress taught me that.

CAROL: Aren't you two getting a bit old for all this action man stuff?

It's all his fault. I'll stick to wallpapering next time.

You can take Moira home now, Gilbert. She could do with a rest.

I understand you acted with great courage, Mrs Hartley.

Oh, no, not at all.

She certainly did.

Shouldn't you have contacted us

as soon as you knew something was going on?

How could I?

First I knew I was looking down a double-barrelled shotgun.

I tried, sarge, but the phone box was broken.

And what were you doing there in the first place?

I'm responsible for that, Sergeant.

I'd asked Mr Blaketon to, um...

investigate my wife's behaviour.

He thought I was seeing another man.

And he was right.

I have been.

MOIRA: 'It's someone I've grown very close to.'

'His name's Gerald O'Brien.'

'Father O'Brien.'

You've been a lifelong Methodist, Gilbert.

I know how much it means to you.

But lately, I've been thinking about becoming a Roman Catholic.

I needed to know a lot more before I took the step.

Father O'Brien's been meeting with me discreetly

to talk things through.

Moira, why didn't you tell me?

You're not easy to talk to sometimes.

Especially about religion.

Well, I'm sorry, but...

Perhaps you should have tried harder and...

Perhaps I should have.

Look at all the trouble our good friend Oscar's gone to on this.

Well, it was mainly me, actually.

But you hired them, Gilbert.

I'm appalled you should think I've been unfaithful.

Don't you know your own wife better than that?

MILLER CLEARS THROAT

After all those years of marriage,

he was still hurt at the thought of another man.

Romeo and Juliet, Darby and Joan.

The nature of true love never changes.

An expert on true love, are you? SHE LAUGHS

With my track record? I'm an expert on nothing.

But I live in hope.

I reckon you owe two ex-coppers a very large drink.

Aye, get them in, Joe. Without us, he'd never have caught Leamus.

Tell you what. It isn't just true love that doesn't change.

I don't think he liked that one little bit, Aunt Peg.

No, he did not.

And what that mohair will fetch is all profit for us now.

If you hadn't sold 'em,

you could have made more money shearing them every year.

Yeah, true, but... David's busy at your garage.

And there's only so many times I want to be butted up the backside.

Anyway, here's to Oliver Banham.

Who's been well and truly fleeced.

SHE LAUGHS

- Cheers! - ALL: Cheers.