17x01 - Stop Gap

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why does a love kiss stay in my memory? ♪

MUSIC: 'Driving Song' by Jethro Tull

♪ Will they ever stop drivin' me?

♪ Have they ever taken time to see

MAN: Time for a beer, lads?

♪ That I need some rest

♪ If I'm to do my best?

♪ Can I please stop workin' so hard? ♪

While the coppers are away we will play!

CHEERING, LAUGHTER

MAN: Nice one, pal.

Oi! You lot, what the hell do you think you're playing at?

Go on. Go to bed, old man. Clear off, go on.

Get back to bed, old man!

You won't get away with this, Tommy.

Oh, aye?

- And who's gonna stop me? - The police.

The police? Round here? That's a laugh!

What's the point in calling for you lot?

You never turn up till it's far too late.

We need another village bobby here again.

It's getting right out of hand!

- Did anyone see it happen? - Yes, I did.

It was Tommy Unsworth and his g*ng.

- Did you see him smash the pump? - Not exactly, but I heard it go.

- Were there any other witnesses? - Now, what do you think?

It was one o'clock in the morning!

We've had all this before. It'll be your word against his.

His mother'll swear blind he was in bed.

So that's it? You're not gonna do anything about it?

I'll talk to him. He'll deny it.

- I won't have enough to charge him. - It's a farce!

When are we gonna get a new copper?

An appointment's been made!

PC Wetherby should be with you in six or seven weeks.

Seven weeks?!

We'll cover you from Ashfordly till then.

Ashfordly's too far away!

We need somebody on the ground, living here, now!

ALL AGREE

Miller! Those hooligans on their motorbikes

were in my grounds again last night,

smashing beer bottles and lighting fires.

Gave my gamekeepers a real run-around.

Not the first time I've had to mention this.

So what the blazes are you gonna do about it?!

PEGGY: Nowt! Three nights running.

Perhaps you're not putting the snares in the right place.

Don't try and teach your granny to suck eggs.

Hang on. You're my auntie!

It's an expression, Da... Oh, never mind.

It's that bike g*ng!

They've been here again,

drinking and... frightening everything away.

Do you know?

It's not right that this lot should be...

trespassing on Lord Ashfordly's land,

upsetting the natural order of things.

Aren't we trespassing as well?

We have been coming here quite a lot recently, poaching and that.

Poaching is a traditional country pursuit, David!

Riding around on motorbikes, frightening game isn't!

'Ey, it's obviously got more money than sense.

There's tuppence back on this bottle.

We pay our rates and taxes

and we demand a proper police presence, Miller. A man on the b*at.

A village constable available hours, like we used to have.

And that's what will happen when PC Wetherby's free to join us!

We'll just have to let Tommy Unsworth and his g*ng

do whatever they like? - No, I'm trying to get a stop gap.

An officer to fill in.

There's a possibility of a PC I worked with in York

joining us on a temporary basis.

Oh, aye? Go on.

BELLS CHIME MILLER: His name is Joe Mason.

He's being transferred to London and the Met in a few weeks' time.

MAN: Did you know London taxi drivers

have to know where every street is before they get a licence? Ha!

IN COCKNEY ACCENT: Where to, guv? Yeah. 'Op in, mate. No problem.

Imagine that!

It'll be tricky enough just learning the ones on my new patch.

Rather you than me, mate. You can keep your London.

Over-crowded,

over-priced...

southern beer!

It's still the most exciting city in the world.

MAN ON RADIO: 'Attention all units,

armed robbery at Post Office in London Street.

Suspect fled in a dark blue Rover, registration Lima...'

Let's go.

SIREN Oscar Bravo One Two.

Show us attending. Over.

MUSIC: 'Down The Road Apiece' by The Rolling Stones

TYRES SCREECH

That's them!

♪ Now if you wanna hear some boogie like I'm gonna play

♪ It's just an old piano and a knockout bass

♪ The drummer-man's a cat... ♪

I'm gonna cut them off.

SCREECH

♪ That rubber-legged boy

♪ Mama's cooking chicken fried in bacon and grease... ♪

SCREECH

BARKING

Stop! Police!

Stay back!

All right. All right.

Call for back-up.

SHOUTS

Stay back!

Back!

Back!

So what's he like, then, this PC Mason?

He's a good man. I wouldn't have asked for him otherwise.

He's bright,

dedicated,

enthusiastic.

APPROACHING SIREN

Suspects and hostages in the church?

Yes, sir.

Where's PC Mason?

Went round the back. He had an idea to get the hostages out.

He should have waited for back-up!

What does he think he's playing at?!

This is the police.

Let's put an end to this now.

Come out with your hands raised.

CRIMINAL: Get stuffed!

Let us not forget you're in the house of God, my son.

With his help...

I'm sure we can find a way to resolve this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah(!)

- Have you got a car? - An old Morris Minor.

Not ideal for a speedy getaway.

BABY CRIES Give me the keys!

I'm afraid I don't have them with me. Might I make a suggestion?

Let this mother and child leave. You'll still have me as a hostage.

The baby's distressed.

Please. Show some compassion.

SHOUTS

All right!

You tell the police out there not to do anything stupid.

Or the vicar gets it! Right?!

Steve, keep an eye on him.

I'll check the back of the church.

SONG: 'I Got My Mojo Working'

Will you join me in praying for a satisfactory outcome in all of this?

Please.

You'll be amazed at the power of prayer.

♪ I got my mojo working but it just don't work on you

Our Father

who art in heaven... - What?

♪ I got my mojo working but... ♪

Oof!

Quickly! Your friend's hurt himself.

♪ I wanna love you so bad

♪ Don't know what to do

Agh!

Rest in peace.

Where are they?!

They left.

- They didn't want to prolong this. - Why didn't you follow them?

You showed compassion releasing the young woman and child.

I don't want this to end badly for you.

Boots?

GRUNTING

♪ I got my mojo working

Ah! If you chaps are here for choir practice

there might be a slight delay.

♪ Just don't work on you ♪

It was a thoroughly reckless action, Constable.

I was concerned for the woman and child, sir.

Doing what you did could have cost them their lives.

Well, I got them out unharmed.

- Surely, that's all that matters? - You were lucky.

There are proper procedures to deal with hostage situations.

Especially where firearms are concerned.

- Understood? - Yes, sir.

Meantime, we've agreed that request

for you to fill in as village bobby in Aidensfield.

That should keep you out of harm's way...

for a while.

Can't wait.

Right, everybody.

This is PC Joe Mason, who's joining us on a temporary basis.

Joe's more used to city than village policing,

but I've put him in the picture as to our problems in Aidensfield.

Ooh, yeah. We've had some right carry-ons recently...

with vandalism. It's young'uns, you know?

And they don't half give you some lip, don't they, Phil?

Yeah, one especially. Tommy Unsworth.

A right cheeky little... Anyway, he's the ring-leader.

But unless you actually catch them at it, then your hands are tied.

Yeah. Yeah, I suppose they are.

I remember that smile.

I expect you to tread carefully, Joe Mason.

You know how I expect my officers to behave.

- I haven't forgotten, Sergeant. - Right, then. Good luck.

Let's see how you get on out there.

Phil.

We're all very familiar with Aidensfield.

If there's anything you need, let us know.

I'm Geoff. That's Alf.

Thanks, lads. Teenage bike gangs can be quite a challenge,

but I think I'll manage.

He seems quite a confident sort, don't he?

I don't think it'll be as easy out there as he thinks.

I checked him out on the grapevine.

A bit of a maverick, I gather.

The senior officers in York were very glad to get rid of him.

Really?

So they smashed the pump head?

They didn't try to steal anything? Equipment or petrol?

No.

They didn't cause any other damage,

or try to force entry into the garage?

No. No, they didn't.

Sheer vandalism, then?

I gather Sergeant Miller did talk to this Unsworth lad.

He denies involvement. His mother says he was at home in bed.

Well, she would, wouldn't she?

So, I doubt we'd be successful with a prosecution.

I'm sorry, but I'm afraid there's not a lot more I can do.

I see.

It's a shame, but, to be honest, where I've just come from

something like this might not have even been reported.

Oh, well. I'm sorry we wasted your time.

Aye, I can't say, on first acquaintance, I'm overly impressed.

SIGHS

Tommy Unsworth, he's a crafty little beggar.

There's rarely any witnesses to what his mob get up to.

And even when there is, his mother gives him an alibi.

So it's very difficult to bring a case against him.

Yeah. I can see it's not going to be easy.

Sergeant Miller tells me you were on the job yourself.

- Aye, that's right. - It's nice to meet you.

I'm off to meet the Chairman of the Police Committee. Lord Ashfordly?

- Milord. Yes. - A real-life Lord of the Manor.

I'd better watch my Ps and Qs.

What do you think?

I can't see him being a match for Tommy Unsworth, can you?

We'll see.

Ah! You'll be the stand-in for our new village bobby, will you?

That's right, sir. PC Mason.

Right, Mason. Well, I'll expect to see you keeping an eye on my estate.

We've had a lot intruders recently.

I'm sorry to hear that.

With no police, the local yobs have been getting up to mischief here.

And my gamekeepers report a marked increase in poaching too.

Really?

I'll want you to get on top of that as well.

There's one particular individual who thinks she has carte blanche

to help herself to my wildlife and game.

- She? - Peggy Armstrong she's called.

You make a note of that name, Mason.

I prefer PC Mason, not just Mason, if you don't mind, my Lord.

And please don't click your fingers at me. I'm not your servant.

Whether I choose to patrol your land or not will be my decision.

I work for the North Riding Police. I'm not here at your beck and call.

Well, of all the damned cheek!

I'll have you know I go sh**ting with your Chief Constable.

With legally held firearms, I trust, sir.

Well, Oscar reckons he'll do all right here.

I'm not so sure.

He strikes me as being his own man.

It'll be interesting to see what happens.

As long as he clears Tommy Unsworth's g*ng

out of the Ashfordly Hall estate.

Now, why are you worried about that?

Well, we need these rabbits, you see, and th... Ow!

What did you do that for?

I just want to see a bit of law and order restored.

That's all.

Like an end to poaching, you mean?

It's quite a size, isn't it? Lord Ashfordly's estate.

Oh, aye. He's a fair bit of land. Huh!

It doesn't seem right, does it? All that belonging to one man.

MILLER: Right, pay attention, everyone.

DS Dawson would like a word.

CID have been given a tip-off that a professional Manchester g*ng

may be about to operate in this area.

They target country houses to steal...

paintings, antiques.

Jewellery et cetera.

Their modus operandi is to check out the property and plan the break-ins.

They hit on two or three houses in an area before moving on.

I'd like you to draw up a list of likely houses,

then go and advise them on security.

Then report back to DS Dawson.

Apart from the fact they're pros from Manchester,

we don't know much else. No photos or names et cetera.

So ask around.

See if any strangers have been spotted behaving suspiciously.

Or if any strangers have been spotted at all.

Thank you, Constable.

I'd like a word with you in my office. Now.

I can do without quips like that!

I've just had Lord Ashfordly complaining about your attitude.

I wasn't impressed by his own attitude, Sergeant.

He tried to treat me like a servant.

Lord Ashfordly is a person of some standing in these parts.

Does that give him the right to order a policeman around?

No, but it does entitle him to a bit of respect!

He does a lot of charitable work for the local community.

He's a good employer, who treats his staff well.

Perhaps so, but I'm not one of his staff.

No, but you are policing Aidensfield for now.

It's important that you have good relations with him.

For heaven's sake! There are enough troublemakers for you,

without upsetting an influential man who supports us! Understood?

Yes, Sergeant. I might assist on DS Dawson's operation now?

No. You're not here for the glory.

You can make amends to Lord Ashfordly and tackle his poaching problem.

MUSIC: 'I'll Be Doggone by Marvin Gaye

♪ I'll be doggone if I wouldn't work all day

♪ Baby

♪ And I'll be doggone if I wouldn't bring you my pay... ♪

- Peggy Armstrong? - Yeah.

PC Mason. I going to be policing Aidensfield for the next few weeks.

Well, I'm pleased to hear it.

There's been a lot of trouble lately. Vandalism and that.

Been a lot of poaching as well, I gather.

- I wouldn't know nowt about that. - Really?

I have reason to believe you would.

- Your name's been mentioned. - By who?!

I'm just letting you know I'm going to be keeping an eye out

on Ashfordly Hall estate from now on.

Oh, it's typical, is that!

Tearaways bring mayhem every night. But instead of dealing with that,

you lot are behaving like lackeys,

doing the bidding of the local gentry.

ALF ON RADIO: 'Control to Delta Alpha Two Four.

Control to Delta Alpha Two Four.'

Receiving. Over.

Report of forced entry and theft

at School Lane, Aidensfield.

- 'Over.' - On my way. Out.

Oh, yes. You go off and do some proper police work,

instead of coming round threatening innocent folk like me!

WOMAN: I've given her something to calm her nerves. She's really upset.

She'd just collected two weeks' pension from the Post Office.

When she left, there was a g*ng of youths on motorcycles outside.

- One of them followed her home. - Go on.

It worried her a bit, but then he disappeared.

When she came back from a neighbour she found this.

- Did she know the youth? - She reckoned it was Tommy Unsworth.

It's my first day here, and I'm tired of hearing that name.

Who needs the ladies round here, lads?

They come with grey hair and grandkids. I tell you.

ALL LAUGH

Like this one here. Look.

Whoops! g*ng LAUGHS

What you looking at, Granddad?!

Weren't me. The wind blew it off.

He's lucky it was only his hat that I knocked off, eh, lads?

Which one of you is Tommy Unsworth?

- Who wants to know? - I do.

Oh, aye? And who are you when you're at home?

As you can see, I'm a police officer.

Prove it. You might be in fancy dress, for all we know!

g*ng CHEERS

Are you Tommy Unsworth?

Yeah. Why?

Mrs Page, just down the road.

She's just had her back door kicked in and her purse stolen.

Really? Oh, what a shame.

Hmm. She's an old lady. She thinks you might have followed her home.

Nah. Not me, mate. She doesn't sound my type.

g*ng SNIGGERS

Did you follow an elderly lady from here to her house?

Yes or no?

No. And, if she says I did, then she's lying.

Besides, I've been with this lot all day.

Were there any witnesses to say they saw me kick her door in?

No?

Then you better tell this old bag to be careful what she says.

- You're denying it was you, then? - Yeah.

All right. That's it for now.

MIMICKING JOE: Aye. On you're bike, copper!

g*ng JEERS

I got your message. What's the story?

The chap who does the gardens just turned up.

The owners are away. He found the French windows forced open.

Had a look inside, and there's been some paintings taken off the wall.

I expect they'll be other stuff missing as well.

- Can we contact the owners? - Alf's on it now.

Isolated house, no-one at home. It's a perfect target.

If they follow their pattern it'll just be the start around here.

We shouldn't be in here, Aunt Peggy. Our new bobby warned us not to.

I won't be intimidated by him, David.

I know this estate like the backs of my hands.

He'll have to sharp to catch me!

Quick! Quick! Get your head down!

Who's that, then? The gamekeeper?

No, you're all right.

I know all their number plates. No, it weren't one of theirs.

Hello, Tommy.

- Remember me? - What do you want?

Empty your pockets.

SIGHS

Look. If it's still about that purse,

I've told you it wasn't me. - Empty your pockets!

Come on.

Well, well. Twelve quid.

That was the amount that was in Mrs Page's purse.

It's not hers. You can ask my mum. She gave it me.

You can't prove where that money came from, can you?

It would be difficult, yes.

Impossible, I'd say. You said there were no witnesses.

You've got nothing. So get lost!

Listen to me, Unsworth.

I don't like scum who rob old ladies.

If that money isn't returned sharpish, I'm gonna have you!

- Get off! This is as*ault! - Really?

Where's your witnesses?

You see? Two can play that game.

You get that money back, and you behave yourself from now on,

or I'm gonna make your life hell! You got that?

- Got it? - Yes.

Yes, PC Mason!

Yes, PC Mason.

Good! Now get inside.

I don't want to see you on the streets again tonight.

MILLER: Quite a remote spot.

They must have been in the area a few days to have found and recce-ed it.

The neighbour saw a darkish van drive up to the house two days ago.

She knew the owners were away, didn't recognise the van,

tried to get the number, but only saw the letters V, L and R,

which means it's not local.

- Shouldn't I be on it too, Sarge? - No.

And I want a word with you in my office. Now!

I've had another complaint against you.

More serious this time.

Oh?

Mrs Unsworth rang in to allege you assaulted her son Tommy last night.

He claims that as he parked his motorcycle outside the house

you leapt on him, hurled him to the ground and b*at him up.

That's ridiculous!

Did you see Tommy Unsworth yesterday?

Outside the Post Office. I questioned him about a theft.

His name was given by the victim.

Did you see him later outside his house?

If he's saying I did, I bet he can't provide any witnesses.

No. It would seem not.

I've told Mrs Unsworth to substantiate

an allegation of this nature would take more

than his word against yours.

Exactly! If I b*at him up, why not come in and show you the bruises?

- I don't think they'll pursue it. - Good!

Constable Mason.

I understand the frustrations that police constables today

sometimes have to suffer.

But whatever the provocation, we are here to uphold the law,

not bend it, break it, or take it into our own hands.

- Is that understood? - Yes, Sergeant.

Right. Off you go.

I don't want to hear such an allegation against you again.

I doubt that you will, Sarge. I won't be here for that long.

We'll need more to go on.

It's lucky that woman spotted the van, though.

That wasn't luck!

In the city, folk often don't know who they're living next door to.

Round here, neighbours look out for each other.

Yeah. I suppose they do.

A country bobby assumes the community is his eyes and ears.

But first, he has to earn their respect.

Do I detect a hint of criticism?

I had a pint with Bernie Scripps last night.

As the undertaker and a garage owner,

he has access to a lot of people's lives.

If I was policing Aidensfield,

I'd make sure that I had a man like that on my side.

When the pump got smashed,

he implied it were nowt much to be bothered about, didn't he Rosemary?

It's like we're wasting his time!

Well, I heard he gave Tommy Unsworth a right good hiding last night.

I bumped into his mum. Reckons he nearly put him in hospital.

Apparently, he roughed him up, but clever-like, left no marks.

Well, it sounds like gossip to me, but if he did, good for him!

Tommy Unsworth's been asking for it.

You can't just thump him, Oscar!

He needs to get evidence and charge him.

I don't care if he clips some of them round the ear.

When I was copper, young people had respect for the police.

Hear! Hear!

Somebody round here must have guilty conscience.

- What do you mean? - Mrs Page's purse has been returned

with the all the money still in it. - Never.

Hmm. Left on her doorstep this morning.

There you are! Tommy Unsworth gets a tough talking to

and results start to happen.

It's the only way to treat these tearaways!

Well, I don't agree.

You wouldn't see my Phil behaving like that!

MUSIC: 'Searchin'' by The Coasters

♪ Well, I've been searchin'

♪ Oh, Lord, I've been searchin'

♪ And I've been a-searchin', yeah

♪ Every which a-way, yeah, yeah

They're only after quality gear. They know paintings and antiques.

Another possibility is Colonel Lowe's place there.

He's got lots of family heirlooms, portraits, et cetera.

It's about two miles from the previous break-in.

Would they risk that?

On previous form, they might.

Radio Bellamy. Put it on his list.

♪ I've been searchin'

♪ You know I've been searchin', babe ooh

Switch off!

Right. I'll start by checking out your Road Fund Licences.

I could then check your number plates

against bikes that have been reported stolen.

I could make you all wait here until I get confirmation that they're not.

I could check out your tyres, your brakes et cetera.

Make sure these machines are roadworthy.

I could get you all to produce your log books,

your driving licences, your insurance documents.

Or, seeing as I haven't been given any lip,

I could simply wave you all on your way.

Which is it to be?

We ain't done owt. We're just riding our bikes.

Right. As you're just out riding your bikes,

I want you to keep your eyes open.

If you see a dark van with the letters VLR in the number plate,

I want to hear about it. All right?

Or I could start checking your bikes out properly.

All right! Yeah, yeah.

Get all your mates to keep an eye out too.

Dark van, VLR.

Off you go.

♪ Like Bulldog Drummond cos I've been searchin'

♪ Oh, searchin'

♪ And I've been searchin', yeah

♪ Baby every which a-way, yeah, yeah

♪ Just like a Northwest Mountie

♪ I'm gonna get her back again

PHIL ON RADIO: 'Panda one to Control. Over.'

Receiving, Phil. Over.

The Colonel and Mrs Lowes.

The cleaner tells me they're away at a regimental reunion in Germany.

I've asked her about the van.

She thinks she might have seen a darkish van pass by yesterday.

The thing is, Alf...

when she goes this afternoon the house will be empty. Over.

'Ey, 'ey. Come on!

I won't let you down, Len.

No! You'll get your rabbits!

Trust me!

SLAMS RECEIVER DOWN

If I don't get some soon he'll go elsewhere.

That'll be a regular little earner right up the Swannee!

We caught nothing again last night. What are you gonna do?

Well, If we can't snare them at night,

we'll have to sh**t the blighters by day!

Come on! We've got to get at least six from somewhere.

CID are providing a couple of extra men to assist.

Put me on it, Sarge. Things have quietened down in Aidensfield.

Could you use an extra man?

Not really. With my DCs we should have enough.

We don't want to crowd the scene and frighten them off.

I've got a lot of experience in big surveillance jobs, Sergeant Dawson.

I'm sure you have. We'll manage. Thanks.

Is Mr Scripps about?

He's having a bite to eat in the pub.

OSCAR: Ah, good to see you.

I gather you sorted out our local troublemaker.

Yeah. We had a frank discussion. Things should calm down a bit now.

You gave him a right b*ating, I hear.

Well, you shouldn't believe everything you hear.

I'm sorry if I appeared a bit off-hand the other day, Mr Scripps.

I assure you I take the vandalism of your property very seriously.

But what have you done about it? Nobody's going to be charged.

That's only because we wouldn't be able to make anything stick.

But I think you'll find it won't happen again.

Aye, we'll see.

Cheerio, Gina. Oscar.

- Bernie. - Oh, never mind Bernie.

He can be a miserable old so-and-so at times.

But some of us are chuffed the way you dealt with Tommy Unsworth.

I just took a firm grip on the problem.

Well, it's nice to have a copper who's not afraid to enforce the law.

Yes, George? What can I get you?

Erm, shouldn't you have called time?

I'm sorry?

I'm being serious, Mr Blaketon. It's gone half-past.

Only just.

Well, if I'm to enforce the law, it has apply to everyone.

Not just to Tommy Unsworths of this world.

Let's hear you call time, please.

SIGHS

Like I say, Oscar, I can't see him fitting in round here.

So how are you settling in?

Yeah, marvellously. It's been a great two days.

I upset a Lord of the Manor. He lodged a complaint against me.

I also managed to upset Mr Scripps and Rosie at the garage.

Gina at the pub thinks I'm a thug.

Oscar Blaketon swore at me under his breath when I told him to call time.

Sergeant Miller, he has read me the Riot Act. Twice!

DS Dawson doesn't trust me.

- Should I go on? - No.

Well, at least you've been a hit with one person.

It's very kind of you to say so. I appreciate your support.

I meant Mrs Page. She thinks you're wonderful.

She can't believe she's got her money back.

I've made an old lady very happy? It's better than nothing, I suppose.

- Afternoon, Nurse. - Milord.

I hope you're going to be a good deal more civil

than when you visited Ashfordly Hall.

First impressions can be misleading all round. Don't you think, my Lord?

Fair enough. And I must say, things have got better.

We've not had that motorbike g*ng making a damn noise.

Yes. I had a quiet word with them.

Excellent. Good show!

Poaching's still a bug-bear, though.

My gamekeeper spotted the Armstrong woman on my land again last night.

Found her snares. Didn't manage to nab her.

She's a canny old stick!

- I'll have another chat with her. - That's a good fellow!

I'm off to Cheshire for a few days.

Be good to get back and find everything tickety-boo, PC Mason.

You seem to have mended a fence there pretty well.

Yes. Jolly good show, Constable(!) Everything's tickety-boo now(!)

You're a dashed fine fellow, don't you know?

I'll see you later.

The point is, Phil, you've got to control yourself.

There's been many a time I've wanted to steam into a bunch of rowdies,

and sort them out.

I hope you restrained yourself.

You've got to, haven't you?

You've got to keep your discipline intact.

As well as your front teeth. Eh?

No. The thing that gets me about Mason... is his attitude.

Behaves like he's a DS in The Flying Squad already.

OVER RADIO: 'DS Dawson to Panda One. Over.'

I'll get it.

Panda One receiving. Over.

'How's it going over there? Over.'

All quiet, Sarge. Over.

Evening. Behaving yourselves?

- We always do. - Let's hope so.

Have you had any luck with that van?

We might have. But... we want something in return.

Go on.

If we help you out this once, we want you off our back.

Pulling us up, checking the bikes and stuff.

And it'll only be this once. We ain't gonna become your snouts.

I'm not asking you to. It's easy, Tommy.

You don't cause trouble to other people, I won't cause you trouble.

So?

Pete saw a dark van last night

coming out the Ashfordly Hall estate.

Did it have the letters VLR in the number plate?

He didn't notice that. But he'd not seen it before.

He said there were, what, three blokes inside.

OK. Thanks for that.

You'll stay off our backs, then?

Like I say, Tommy, don't bother me, I won't bother you.

Do you reckon we've got this right?

Don't know. It's early yet.

Yeah.

'Ey-up! Hold up.

- Right. Get the number, Geoff. - I can't see it.

It's definitely heading towards the house, though.

Blast! I've lost it in the trees!

Be getting the lay of the land before going in.

Panda One to Control. Over.

Good work! Stay in position. Out.

Can you call my DCs? Say to wait at the junction with the main road.

Not a bad day's work.

We'll bag a couple more tomorrow, and we're in business!

- Oh, no! Aunt Peggy! - Oh, Lord!

Quick! Get this lot in the back of the lorry.

Ah! There you are, Mrs Armstrong.

- What do you want? - A word.

Shall we go inside?

Despite my warning,

I have reason to believe you were on Ashfordly Hall estate last night.

I wasn't!

Lord Ashfordly's gamekeeper saw you.

- He found some of your snares. - I know nowt about no snares!

There's something that can be of more interest to me than poaching.

Did you see a darkish van there last night?

I remember that. It was...

I wasn't there!

And neither was he!

It could be important to another case.

Forget the poaching. Did you see this van?

You must think I'm wet behind the ears!

If I answer that I'll have to admit to being there,

and I wasn't, all right?

In that case, you won't mind if I take a look around.

Make sure you aren't hiding any poached game.

MUSIC: 'Keep The Customer Satisfied' by Simon and Garfunkel

♪ I get slandered, libelled

♪ I hear words I never heard in the Bible

Let's see. Where shall we start?

♪ Two steps away from the county line

How about this barn here?

♪ Trying to keep my customer satisfied

♪ Whoa, whoa

♪ Whoa ♪

Well, well, well!

What have we got here?

- Where did they come from? - Where, indeed?

- Is this owt to do with you, David? - No. I've hidden ours in the...

You were identified last night by the gamekeeper.

And you can offer no explanation for these.

If you won't cooperate over this van, you are nicked, Mrs Armstrong!

All right.

It was a darkish-coloured van.

And they weren't local number plates.

- Did you make a note of it? - I'm not a flaming copper!

I have got a good memory, though. It were VLR something, I think.

Really? Thank you.

- Is that it, then?! - Oh, yeah.

Get those back to the butchers, will you? I borrowed them earlier.

Well, of all the brass nerve!

He planted these in there, himself!

The cheeky beggar!

My DCs are in position.

No sign of your van.

Think they saw you when they passed by?

No. It might not have been them, though.

- Couldn't see the plate, could we? - No.

A van with Victor Lima Romeo on the licence plate

was seen here last night. Over.

Seen by who? Over.

Does it matter, Sarge? I believe the information is reliable. Over.

Any sign of the van now? Over.

'No, but I've only just got here. Over.'

I'll inform DS Dawson right away.

PC Mason's there now. He wanted you to be informed. Over.

Let me know if anything changes.

Meanwhile, we stay where we are. Out.

I'm not dropping everything here

just because Mason wants in on the act.

Delta Alpha Two Four to Control.

Forced entry underway.

'There are staff in the house. Request urgent assistance. Over.'

Understood. On its way.

Wait for back-up, Mason. Out.

SCREAMS

OK. Got that. I'm on my way.

Alert all cars, please. Out.

Get in!

SMASH

PEACOCK SQUAWKS

They're about eight miles away on winding roads.

I hope Mason waits for back-up.

So do I, but knowing him...

MUFFLED PLEAS

Scream as loud as you can.

Scream!

SCREAMS

Agh!

SHOUTING

SHOUTING, GRUNTING

SIREN

Oh, hello, Sergeant Dawson.

What kept you?

You did very well, Joe. But I don't think the DS was best pleased.

Miller gave me a ticking off as well for not waiting for assistance.

How did you know that Ashfordly Hall was targeted, anyway?

Bit of local info, Alf. Like you said,

it's what we country coppers need.

Oh.

Did you manage to get those rabbits back to the butchers?

Sorry?

Rabbits? What rabbits?

Come on. Don't mess me about.

You messed me about, planting evidence.

Well, I've sold them.

So you'll just have cough up to the butcher for them.

- Won't he, David? - Oh, yeah... yeah.

All right. But you'd better watch your step in future, Mrs Armstrong.

And yours too, Constable Mason.

Cheers.

Oscar, any chance of a late drink?

You what?

After telling me to call time on the button at dinner time?

Well, I was in uniform, on duty then.

Go on. Lob the keys over. I'll lock the front door.

Oscar, give him the keys!

A lock-in at the landlord's discretion?

What's wrong with that?!

Welcome to the countryside, Joe.

Right, then. Who wants a nightcap?

ALL CHEER