16x07 - Stumped

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why does a love kiss stay in my memory? ♪

Anything? The wages van will be here in less than ten minutes.

Well, there's no sign of anything. It's all quiet out here.

Be careful. They're not afraid of using v*olence.

Right, Sarge.

Well, what about Richard?

No, the whole family's down.

Oh, no...

What's going on?

Don't ask. I've already had my head bitten off.

And I was only asking for a bit of help serving.

Not now, Gina.

CAROL: Cricket. It's the annual match with Scarsdale tomorrow

and Oscar's organising the team.

Oh, aye? So why the long faces, eh?

We're playing for the Monkton Shield, Rosie.

Whoever wins it three times on the trot gets to keep it.

OSCAR: And Scarsdale have won it for the past two years.

Oh, I see. So, you'll be wanting all the best players you can get, then?

OSCAR: Exactly.

But this tummy bug going round the village has decimated the team.

- It's a nasty one. Both ends! - Ugh!

Anyway, that means I'm scraping the barrel.

Bernie, I'm going to put your name down.

No! No, I haven't played for years.

It's desperate times.

Well, I can bowl.

Your underarm against Scarsdale's googlies? Don't be silly, Rosie.

ROSIE: No, really. I can bowl.

My brothers say I'm really good. And I can bat.

We'll let you know.

GINA: Hey, that's not fair! Why can't she play?

She's a woman, Gina. And a woman's role is making the sandwiches.

Oh, yeah? And your role's to serve thirsty customers.

So, if you don't get a move on, I'll be sorting out your googlies!

TYRES SCREECH

Get out of the van!

Let's go!

SIREN

SIREN

WOMAN SHRIEKS

ENGINE SPLUTTERS

EXPLOSIONS

Walker!

What kept you?

Dave Dooley.

What do you think you're playing at, Walker?

Sorry, Sarge.

Yeah.

Well, they look pretty good, Alf.

Well, against our lot the WI would look good!

- Oh, no. - What?

Mostyn Clegg.

Scarsdale's Club Secretary.

Spying on the opposition, Blaketon?

Er, no, no, no. We're just doing a spot of homework, that's all.

Huh! Bit late for that.

A little bird tells me you can't get a team together.

ALF: You don't want to listen to idle gossip.

Oh, so it's true then?

I'm right looking forward to tomorrow.

Of course, if you want to concede defeat now...

Well, you seem very confident, Mostyn.

With good reason.

Have you seen our, erm, secret w*apon?

- ALF: Blimey. - OSCAR: Who is he, then?

MOSTYN: Edgar Prendergast.

- Just moved into the village. - Not bad.

What's up, Blaketon? You've gone very quiet.

Well, I'm, er, just relishing the thought of b*ating you tomorrow.

- That's all, Mostyn. - Oh, aye?

You see... we have our own secret w*apon.

What is it?

Indian rain dancer?

A thunderstorm's all as'll stop Scarsdale

from winning Monkton Shield.

What's our secret w*apon?

I've got no idea. But if we're going to wipe the smile off his face,

we'd better find one... and quick.

MUSIC: 'We're Through' by The Hollies

♪ I should be better off without you

You take a pride in making me blue... ♪

In.

Did you get anything out of him, Sarge?

Not a dickey bird. DOOR SLAMS SHUT

If it hadn't been for that woman in the pram,

we'd have had all three locked up.

One out of three isn't bad. And Dave Dooley is the ringleader.

That's something, I suppose. But it's not good enough.

Reliable inside information and we mess up.

The division is not going to be...

MAN: How many times do I have to tell you!

Sounds like they're not the only ones.

Look, it's the organ grinder I want.

Not his flaming monkey!

Denny Barlow. How can I help you?

You can start by giving me police protection.

What we doing here?

That were no accident.

We were set up.

Who'd do that?

I dunno.

Come on, Ray. We've got the cash. Let's clear out.

We can't leave Dave in there to rot. He's my brother.

Well, what are you going to do? Blow a hole in t'wall?

No.

I've got a much better idea.

Chuck us that spanner, Rose.

Butterfingers.

I dunno. You can't catch for toffee yet you're in the team.

But me, I don't get a look in.

That's because it's a man's game.

Always has been, always will be.

Well, you better get some practice in.

You've never asked before.

I've never had half my cricket team stuck on the toilet before!

Right. Go on, then. Sounds like it'll be a laugh.

A laugh? Far from it, Bellamy.

The honour and pride of Aidensfield is at stake.

ALF: What about you, Rob? Can you handle a bat?

Well, I opened for the police team at Middlesbrough.

Half decent off spin, I suppose.

Well, that's splendid.

And with Younger here, we'll have a full team.

Oh. Did you say Saturday, Mr Blaketon?

Yes. Why?

It's just that this Saturday's the annual Chapel bike ride to Filey.

It's tradition. Haven't missed one in years.

Filey can wait, Younger.

Aidensfield needs you.

Right, see you lot in the nets this evening.

: hours. And don't be late!

MUSIC: 'Soul Limbo' by Booker T And The MGs

I don't know who's worse, him or you!

BERNIE: If you're so good, why don't you show us how it's done?

All right, I will.

Thank you.

- Blimey, you are good! - ROSIE: I told you!

Rosie, you... You wouldn't...

Wouldn't what?

Well...

You don't fancy helping us out a bit, do you, and showing us the...

I thought women were only good for making sandwiches.

Oh, come on!

Stop! Stop, will you? Stop!

- Broken down? - Do you know owt about engines?

I can take a look for you.

I'm hopeless with cars, me. I didn't know what to do.

GRUNTS

Open the door.

ENGINE CHUGGING

Move!

Move!

ROB GROANS

You?

Who hit me?

Not so brave now you're on your own, eh, copper?

Six!

Bellamy!

MILLER: What do you think you're playing at?

Cricket, Sergeant.

This is a police station, not some back alley.

Sorry, Sarge. We were just practising for tomorrow.

The big match against Scarsdale.

That's as maybe.

But you'll be working overtime this weekend.

Oh, no, no, no!

Keep your eye on the ball, Bernie. Remember what I said.

Bat up, turn the body. Foot forward and sweep.

You got it?

Eye on the ball.

Oh, it's useless!

Come on, let me have a go, eh?

What's all this?

The Reverse Sweep. I invented it.

You can't play a stroke like that. It's not cricket.

What are you doing here, anyway?

Giving Bernie some coaching.

He needs it.

Rosie, I told you! There's no place in the cricket team for a woman.

Reverse Sweep!

Bernie, a word.

So, tell me.

Who's been blabbing?

You really think I'm going to tell you?

Well, no.

Obviously you'll need some persuading first.

Come on, Dooley.

Is that what all this is about?

Kidnapping me to get revenge on an informant?

No. Revenge is the bonus.

I've got other plans for you.

Thank you, Mr Carter. PC Bellamy will take the statement in a moment.

This way, please.

Just through here.

- PC Walker's been abducted. - Abducted?

Our witness said he saw a man and a woman

drag him into a car and drive off.

From the description, it sounds like the Dooleys.

MILLER: It doesn't take a genius to work out what they'll be after.

PHIL: A swap. For Dave Dooley.

Exactly. Bellamy, find Denny Barlow.

Bring him back here quickly.

I think I know where he'll be, Sarge.

And Younger, get me Division on the phone.

Yes, Sergeant.

Where's Phil and Rob? They promised they'd be here.

Yes, you can't rely on anybody these days.

David, let's see what you can do.

Oh, I've never played cricket before.

Well, now's your big chance.

Get some pads on.

You were quick.

We can't afford to waste any time by the sound of things.

- Have they made any contact? - Not yet.

So, what's your plan?

At the moment we're pinning all our hopes on one Denny Barlow.

RACE COMMENTARY AND INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

SIGHS

You trying to give me a heart att*ck?

You got one in there?

Come on.

David, there's nothing to be afraid of.

What? You haven't got those things whizzing at you,

have you? That could hurt!

Just keep your eye on the ball and when it comes close, wallop it.

Never mind. Let's try again.

That's brilliant, David! See if you can do that again.

ALF: Oscar, I think we might have found your secret w*apon.

I'm stunned.

Keep an eye on him, Con.

- Where you going? - Out.

If I'm not back in an hour...

Don't worry. I'll take care of him.

Who's this?

Detective Sergeant Rachel Dawson, CID.

CID? What's going on?

We need to know where Dooley hides out.

You've got to be joking!

So you do know where he hides out.

Hey, I never said that.

Look, I've done enough for you already.

MILLER: I can do you for withholding information.

MILLER: So tell me.

Look, me and the Dooleys, we go back a long way.

But we've had a bit of a falling out over some knock-off army surplus.

That's why I told you about the wages job in the first place.

I'm scared of him.

GEOFF: I'll be with you in a moment.

I'm sure.

Just returning some police property.

And I've got a message for the officer in charge.

You can tell him he'll get PC Walker back

as soon as he lets my brother go.

- Can you manage that? - W...

Sergeant Miller? Sergeant Miller!

One of my officers has been abducted by Ray Dooley.

You want protection? You'll get it. When you tell me where he's hiding.

- Some barn. Up on the moor. - Not good enough.

What can I say? It's a barn.

Take us there.

DANNY SIGHS

Right, let's raise our glasses to the man who this year

will help us achieve victory. David Stockwell.

ALL: David!

Well, who'd have thought it? Our own David, the new Geoffrey Boycott!

Sorry, Rosie. I wish you could be in the team.

Don't worry, David. She can always make the tea.

Do you want another pint, David?

Hey, no. Steady on, Rosie. He's got to have a clear head for tomorrow.

Oh, s'pose so.

Can I have some more crisps though, Mr Blaketon?

Well, haven't you eaten tonight?

It's just that Aunt Peggy's away for the weekend, and I don't fancy...

You put your money away, David.

Anything you're gonna eat's on the house.

OSCAR: I'll get a new box.

BERNIE: Come on then, young Rosemary.

We've got an early start an' all.

Doing what?

Batting practice. You promised, remember?

- Good night, David. - Night.

Has Rob been in tonight?

I called round earlier but no answer.

No. Hey, come to think of it,

I haven't seen anything of Phil either.

PHONE RINGS

- Have you heard anything, Alf? - Sorry, Carol love.

We missed him at net practice an' all.

Hang on a minute. Well, talk of the devil. It's Phil for you, Alf.

- Oh. - Night, Gina.

Good night.

ALF: Hello, Phil.

So, you are the demon batsman, eh?

Oh, no, no...

Look, me and the lads are moving on for a few jars.

Care to join us?

Oh, no. I, er, I don't think... I better get an early night, you know.

Big match tomorrow.

Just a few beers to oil our batting arm.

- Oh, I shouldn't... - Come on!

ALL: Come on!

Understood, Phil. I'll keep it under my hat.

You got a problem?

Er, yes. I won't be able to play tomorrow.

Do what?

Er, sorry, Oscar.

The Sarge wants me to do some overtime

and he won't take no for an answer.

I don't believe this!

David?

We'll leave the cars in those woods and proceed by foot.

You an' all. Get in the car.

Police!

There's no one here.

Sergeant Miller.

"Go directly to jail. Do not pass go."

- It's not my fault! - You led us here.

Well, well.

Denny Barlow.

Left you on your own again, has he?

He'll be back.

Hungry?

No talking.

- Morning! - Morning.

Hey, Bernie, well done.

I hope you realise this isn't doing my heart much good.

You'll get your reward in heaven, Bernie. Unlike Alf Ventress.

- Where's he? - Oh, he's dropped out.

Some flap on at the station, apparently.

Lucky beggar!

Has anyone seen David?

- No. - No.

Sergeant Miller here. What do you want?

DOOLEY: 'My brother.'

I can't release him.

'Just listen. You bring Dave to Moorby Bridge today

at : and I'll give you Walker.

Any tricks and Walker gets it.

MILLER: 'Dooley, you can make all the threats you like...'

but I can't make a deal.

We need time to work this out.

'Don't mess about with me, Miller.'

You're no match for me.

You or your lady detective.

Yesterday's little escapade proved that.

If you want Walker back alive, you hand over Dave, :.

That is it.

Look, do you think we can have a delay? We've only got nine men.

Alf Ventress has had to drop out

and David Stockwell is unavoidably detained.

As long as t' other side don't mind.

Well, we do mind! This is just a tactic to get the match postponed.

OSCAR: All right, Mostyn. Have it your own way. We'll still win.

Heads.

We'll bat.

The Italian Job, that's one of my favourites.

You know, with the bus on the cliff at the end.

With, erm... what's his name?

APPLAUSE

Saw a cr*cker the other night. Bonnie and Clyde. Seen it?

Three times.

Great film.

I suppose it's a bit like that with you and me.

A bit.

Always a rebel, was he?

FOOTSTEPS

Ray.

You OK?

Has he been talking?

Connie, how many times have I told you?

He'll get you talking and before you know it, he's your friend.

Yeah.

Sorry, Ray.

I'm not angry with you, Con.

It's not your fault.

But you... should know better.

THUMPING AND GRUNTING

APPLAUSE

What's with the expl*sives?

Says it's plan B.

Which is?

You'll soon find out.

OSCAR: Hey, Bernie!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

- About time an' all! - You what?

Well, I've got to give the other lads a go, haven't I?

They're taking the mickey out of us.

MILLER: There are several approaches to the bridge.

But we won't know which way they'll be coming

or which way they'll leave.

- Sarge? - Yes, Bellamy?

Are we going to release Dave Dooley?

No, of course not.

This is Rob we're talking about. I mean, he's a mate.

Yes. I'm well aware of that.

But once you give in to people like Dooley,

you open the door for every two-bit criminal

who bears a grudge against the police,

or somebody who wants to gain something.

- Understood? - Yes, Sarge.

ROB: When I was a kid, I was always getting in trouble.

Oh, yeah? Stealing apples, were you?

A bit more than that, it was.

You could say it ran in the family.

My old man, he was on the Templeton job.

Really? What's he up to now?

He's in prison. Because of the Templeton job.

So how come you're a copper?

I made a choice.

I saw it didn't have to be like that and I got out.

Yeah, well.

Bully for you.

So you choose this?

Not exactly Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty, is it?

He loves me.

So why are you scared of him?

You help me, I promise I'll put a good word in for you.

Why should I believe you?

Because you have a choice.

And it's your last chance.

CLATTER

I can't just walk out.

Yes, you can.

Where would I go? He'd find me and he'd hurt me.

You can't see it, can you?

I can see that he's crazy. You deserve more than that.

Cut the ropes. I'll take care of Ray.

Come on, we don't have much time.

Connie!

DOOR OPENS

Right, bag it up and get a move on.

Why?

You are coming with me.

I thought I was staying here with him in case you got double-crossed.

I told you.

Plan B.

If it's any consolation, you're doing the right thing.

Am I?

Or am I just following procedures?

That's why we have procedures. For times like these.

Maybe. But whatever happened to loyalty to your friends?

I'd better call headquarters. Keep them up to date.

APPLAUSE

- They've declared. - Declared what?

That we'll never catch them up.

Come on, tea break.

Well, Ray. It looks as if it's all over bar the shouting.

Yeah, I think the shield's staying with Scarsdale, Brian.

- Well, this is humiliating. - You're telling me.

So much for your secret w*apon then, Blaketon.

Oh, don't you worry, Mostyn. He'll be here.

He's just been, er, held up, that's all.

I wonder what's happened? It's not like David to let us down.

I wish I knew.

Where are you going with that?

It's for Denny Barlow, Sarge. He's been calling.

Denny Barlow.

Hang on, that's it. Denny Barlow.

Good luck!

Come on, team.

When Dooley phoned this morning, he knew I was at the barn yesterday.

So he must have been there and seen us.

And if he saw me, then he must have seen Denny.

But he didn't mention Denny.

So he doesn't want us to know about that. Why?

Because they've got history.

And if history's anything to go by,

then Dooley is clearly a man driven by revenge.

That could be the one thing that might distract him

from his plan to free his brother.

The opportunity of getting revenge on Denny.

But how's this going to help us get Rob back?

It means, for the first time, we're one step ahead of Dooley.

If he was to try and find Denny before the exchange,

where's the first place he'd look?

MUSIC: 'Hit And Run' by Rose Batiste

♪ Hit and run Ooh-ooh

♪ Hit and run, run, run, run

♪ I'm a victim of a hit and run

♪ Boy hit and now he's gone... ♪

DOOLEY: Enough expl*sives to blow open a t*nk.

A simple detonator attached to a trip wire on the handle.

So if some of the cops come in the door looking for him...

kaboom.

But I thought the deal was we get Dave, they get their copper.

Yeah. But it's more fun this way.

This is the best bit.

One tight wire, one loose.

If this one gets any tighter... bang!

If this one gets any looser, the same thing happens.

Just to stop you wriggling free

to save your mates before they knock down the door.

♪ Oh, hit and run, yeah (Hit and run)

♪ Another hit and run (Hit and run, run)

♪ Hit and run (Hit and run)

♪ Gathering every grief of mine (Hit and run, run)

♪ Hit and run (Hit and run)

♪ He's a hit and run (Hit and run, run...) ♪

Rosie, get your pads. I want you to go out and bat.

Me? Why?

Cos I've got to go and find David,

and you're probably as good as any of us out there.

Oh, thank you, Oscar!

- I promise I won't let you down. - Right.

Con?

Come on!

You do understand the risk you're taking.

Yes, I do.

Denny Barlow's under our protection. This could endanger his life.

As headquarters have pointed out at some length.

It's the one thing we can do that might diminish the risk to Walker.

So do I have your support?

Fetch him out, Bellamy.

KNOCKING David?

David?

BARKING

Where is he, then?

Oh, no!

Come on, David.

What on Earth were you thinking about?

Sorry, Mr Blaketon. It's just not my fault.

Just my new mates, they kept offering to buy me drinks,

and... Well, it's rude to say no, isn't it?

What mates?

My mates from Scarsdale. They took me on a pub crawl.

Oh, did they indeed? Right, in you get.

We've got a cricket match to win.

And if you're sick in my car,

I'll have your guts for garters!

MILLER: We'll be watching you every minute. You won't come to any harm.

And just remind me, what do I get out of it?

You'll have helped save a man's life.

Oh, great (!) They can put that on my headstone.

MILLER: It'll hardly come to that.

We'll get full support from Division.

DOOLEY: There's a couple of hours before the coppers come with Dave.

But if I know Miller, he'll set a trap.

So you find a safe place to keep a lookout.

I thought we were in this together.

We are. I've just got some unfinished business to tie up first.

Denny?

He's the reason Dave's rotting in a cell.

Go on.

You will come back, won't you?

Course. What's got into you?

Just keep your head down and your eyes peeled.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Who've we got left?

Women can't play cricket!

What's the game coming to? I wonder what Fred would say.

I don't know. We never had it in our day, that's for certain.

I'm not bowling underarm to her.

Any objections to a woman, Umpire?

There's nowt in the laws about women playing cricket.

So shut your face and bowl!

GINA: Go on, Rosie. Show them what you're made of!

GINA: Hey, that's a four! Go on, Rosie!

Now we're in with a chance.

It's what we in Aidensfield call a Reverse Sweep.

What kind of a sh*t was that, Ray? Was it a Reverse Sweep?

Reverse Sweep my backside!

- Denny Barlow been in today? - No.

Usually in about three o'clock.

Dooley's arrived. Come on, Bellamy. You know what to do.

Leave it to me. We've got the bridge completely covered.

APPLAUSE

Oh, hey up. Here's Oscar.

Let's hope he's found David.

Gina, Carol, give me a hand.

Oh, he's had a skinful. OK, I've got him, I've got him.

This is all your fault, Mostyn.

I know you took David out last night and got him drunk.

- It's true, isn't it? - Yes, it's true.

He is definitely drunk!

I want a word with you.

Ray, Ray. Listen, mate. Listen, Ray. I can explain it.

Where's Walker?

Come on, David.

No, no more, Gina, it's horrible!

We need to sober you up, David.

Oh, oh, all right. I'm all right now.

Oh, this is hopeless, Oscar.

But we only need more runs to win.

What? With David in this state?

You've got to be joking!

I'm not joking. You know what this is, don't you?

Oh, I know, I know. The Monkton Shield.

Pride of Aidensfield, blah, blah, blah.

But is any of that more important than humiliating poor David?

Any more than you've done already?

Oh, all right. I'm sorry, David.

CHEERING

- Oh, shame. - Unlucky.

- No! - Concede defeat, Blaketon.

Then we can all go home.

No, wait.

Mr Blaketon, I'm not going to let you down.

David!

You're forgetting something.

Go on, David.

Blind drunk!

Where's PC Walker?

Don't you understand it's all over?

We've got Moorby Bridge completely cut off.

We'll be picking your mate up any minute.

Oh, what's the point?

Henshaw's Printworks.

I know it, Sarge.

Where... exactly?

In the cellar.

Through the blue door.

Put him in a cell and meet me outside.

Remember what I said. Don't be afraid.

And keep your eye on the ball, OK?

When you see it coming, wallop it!

- Wallop it. - Yeah. Good luck.

MUSIC: 'Struggling Man' by Jimmy Cliff

♪ Every man

♪ Has a right to live

♪ Love is all

♪ That we have to give...

Where's PC Walker?

APPLAUSE

♪ You can get it if you really want

♪ You can get it if you really want

♪ You can get it if you really want

♪ But you must try, try and try

♪ Try and try

♪ You'll succeed at last... ♪

BERNIE: Oh, Lord! David's facing the att*ck.

And it's the last over of the match.

How many runs do we need to win?

Five.

Come on, David!

Sergeant Miller, PC Bellamy, are you receiving me?

Do not, repeat, do not enter The Printworks.

'The place is boobytrapped.'

'Dooley's fixed expl*sives to the door.'

Sergeant Miller?

Sergeant Miller?

Top or bottom?

Top or bottom?

Top or bottom?

Bottom!

Walker!

APPLAUSE

What a sh*t.

There we are.

ALF: Back where it belongs.

And no thanks to you, Alf.

Well, I did have rather more important things to attend to.

Exactly. Don't listen to him, Alf.

And cheers to David and Rosie, without whom

the Monkton Shield would now be in Scarsdale hands.

- ALL: Cheers! - Cheers, David.

Mind you, it's coming to something when a Yorkshire cricket team

has to be rescued... by a woman...

and a drunk.