♪
[DOOR BUZZING]
Seventeen.
[DOOR BUZZING]
Excuse me. Oh.
-Hey, hey...
-All right.
Give it up, give...
Let go of me.
What are you doing?
MAN: Hey,
get your hands off her.
Hey, wait a minute,
look at this.
-Hey, hey, let go of me.
-Get your hands off her.
-Hey, wait.
I'm a police officer.
-All right. Show your badge.
-Can I see your badge?
-I don't need you people
to tell me that.
She's right here.
I got her son.
May I be of assistance?
Hey, is there a problem?
-There's no...
-There is no problem.
I'd like to be of assistance.
Sir, that person
just lifted your wallet.
[CLAMORING]
[GRUNTING]
Would you cut it out,
Jessie?
You're driving me up a wall.
I have an army of butterflies
in my stomach,
you expect me to hang loose?
-Where are they?
-KITTY: I don't know.
How's your stomach?
Not too good.
-[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
-Oh.
Oh, you guys you made it.
What happened?
Oh, it's about time
you showed up.
I've already been through
two bottles of stomach pills.
Yes. We were beginning
to think maybe you stopped
to take a few curtain calls.
Well, we should have
because it was
a great performance.
At least until the cops
showed up.
Oh, God, no.
Yeah. Two of them, semis,
they busted a dip
on the train.
When those badges flashed,
man, we split.
Took us to...
We ran three blocks
before we found out
that we didn't even have to.
The disguises worked.
We were eye to eye
with those cops,
they didn't suspect a thing.
KITTY: We were so excited.
We... I... We didn't know
where...where you guys were
when you were late.
JESSIE: Oh, I'm so glad
you guys are okay.
I was so worried.
I've...you know,
I went through
all my stomach pills.
KITTY: Am I hurting you?
HELENE: Nope.
JESSIE: Oh, it's sticky.
HELENE: Oh, believe me
that million and a half is
just as good as in our hand.
Want to bet?
How many times
do I have to tell you
to keep the door locked?
Oh, I'm sorry, Muff,
it was my fault.
I mean, I thought something
happened to you guys
and I forgot.
Let me tell you
something else you can forget.
You can forget about
knocking off
the Transit System Collections
for 1.5 million dollars,
because I'm calling it off.
But you can't, Muff.
You planned the whole thing.
Yes, I planned it.
For three years
in a stinking cell in Joliet
and I'm not going to watch it
blown by a bunch of amateurs.
Hey, make up your mind,
Kitty said you wanted
amateurs.
Some lousy pickpocket
grabs your wallet
and you take off like a 747.
I didn't know what else to do.
I was afraid those cops
were going to see
through this disguise.
I didn't know
this thing worked.
Terrific. So, you're
leaving me a driver's license
and your photograph instead?
I never thought of that.
Hmm, you're lucky I did.
How did you get that?
Same way she lost it.
Oh, no.
You mean you picked
that detective's pocket?
But if you've got
Helene's wallet back,
we can go ahead
just the way we planned it.
No. She panicked
in a tight spot
so could any one of you.
I mean, face it,
you're not cut out
for this kind of work.
You and your make-up.
Look, I knew why...
Honey, honey, I know
what you're going to say,
but it won't work.
-Now, I'm a professional,
right?
-Mmm-hmm.
Okay. I should know,
the girls panicked,
they blew it,
it's not going to work,
so let's not discuss it.
I don't know, Muff.
I don't think they...
Honey.
In other words,
I don't have anything
to say about it anymore.
About us.
That's the first time
in over three years, Muff.
Don't put it that way.
I mean, if it hadn't
have been for you,
I never would've made it
through Joliet.
-And if it hadn't
been for you...
-What?
-I think I would...
-What?
I don't know.
It's funny
how much a letter a week
and one visiting day a month
could do.
Yeah.
-We really had it, didn't we?
-Oh, yeah.
A lot of big dreams,
future, house, kids.
-Lot of kids.
-How many kids?
Five, seven, nine.
Oh, this was going
to make it happen.
It'll still happen, someday.
How?
But what I make
at being a saleslady...
Or what you make
at the fix-it shop?
[LAUGHING] How much was it
last week, Muff?
-Um, seventy-five.
-What?
$75.
$75?
It's about what had cost me
to make the bug
for the Transit System phone.
But that was a charm,
so is everything else.
Except for the girls.
Do you want to risk
the next 10 years of our lives
on Lil's make-up,
Jessie's stomach,
and Helene's nerves?
For our share of
a million and a half dollars,
I'd take a chance
at Snow White
and the Seven Dwarfs.
Can you get them?
Come on.
You thought of everything,
it can't miss.
Oh.
Come on.
Let me go out
and tell the girls
you've changed your mind.
-I got a better idea.
-What?
Why don't you stay in here
long enough,
so that they'll know
you've got me
to change my mind, huh?
-All right.
-Okay.
-[PHONE RINGING]
-[TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACKING]
-FOGHERTY: Yeah, yeah.
-I'm sorry, Lieutenant,
I have a red alert out here.
What do you think
I've got in here?
Red alert, huh?
You start smoking again?
FOGHERTY: Oh, put out
that cigarette, please.
What's the Big Megillah?
We got some mutt sitting in
the middle of the southbound
track of the state subway,
crying because
he's afraid of the dark.
Well, if he's afraid
of the dark,
why did go in there
in the first place, huh?
For the same reason,
I work here,
because I hate sunshine,
fresh air, and smiling faces.
FOGHERTY: Oh, Frank.
Frank, I've outgrown this job.
I mean, I need a promotion.
I got the same complaint,
but nobody ever listens.
FRANK OVER TRANSMITTER:
You know, all I ever do is
fill out forms and sign them.
Ah, you will make out
all memos in triplet
get orders of the chief.
[SCOFFS] Chief?
Chief? We do
all of his downfield blocking
and he comes off
like O. J. Simpson.
Oh, you carry that grudge
like a knife in the belly.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, why shouldn't I, huh?
And what about that kid
Muff Kovak,
the one that used to work here
in electronics maintenance?
You mean the kid
who was making the blue boxes
in the repair shop?
FOGHERTY: Yeah, yeah.
What's so funny about that?
FRANK: Well, he must have
turned out about
a hundred of those boxes
all on our time
with our materials.
FOGHERTY: Yeah, as if
we were paying him a salary
to rip-off the phone company.
But, you know,
he was a smart cookie,
give him a little wire
and screw driver
he could've beaten NASA
to the moon.
And after I tracked
the kid down
for three months,
for three months
and I'm ready to make
the bust, what happens?
Chief sends me off
on a wild goose chase,
he makes the bust,
he winds up with the promotion
and what do I wind...
I wind up with
a gold cigarette lighter, huh?
FRANK: The chief.
LUBECK: Hi, friend.
I heard you were out.
So naturally
you hurried right over.
Let's just say,
I waited until I could
do you a favor.
Favor? What,
like the last time?
That cost me three years.
Lubeck, level with me,
those blue boxes
I gave you for 50 bucks each,
what did you sell them for?
Five hundred, huh?
Seven fifty?
Eight.
Eight.
It's a business, friend.
Don't take it personally.
Besides,
I'll make it up to you.
Right now, I could use
a couple of blue boxes.
Ask the CIA.
You make them
and plan them for me
and I'll cut you in for half.
Mmm-mmm, half or no half.
And I'm sorry,
I'm in a new business,
I'm legit.
Yeah. I noticed.
Oil and adjust vacuum,
$7.50.
Chip tuner $22.50.
How much are you
going to make on
penny-ante stuff like this?
More than I made
making license plates.
You got to understand,
I was in the same room
for three years
and I'm not the same person.
So, I got a lot of work to do,
why don't you do us both
a favor and split, okay?
Suit yourself, friend.
But in case
you change your mind,
you can always reach me
at this number.
Don't bother giving me yours,
I've always had it.
Right, baby,
just as you said.
Yeah.
He turned off the speaker
the second I walked
in the door.
He must've been
listening to the tap
on the transit security.
No, no, no.
No sweat now.
Just go along
with everything he says.
Just let me know
in case he changes his plans,
all right?
Yeah, right. Okay.
FOGHERTY: I don't know
about you, Frank,
I've had it.
Come on. How about a beer
before we go home, huh?
FRANK: I think you need it
and I can use one or two,
just give me a minute
to call in the signals.
You got it.
Security dispatch,
calling Armor One.
Armored one,
ready for signals.
Go ahead, Frank.
Man, how was
your daughter's birthday?
Ah, the usual,
couple of kids
with belly aches,
ice cream all over the drapes
and the dog ate
a couple of party of hats.
FRANK: That sounds like fun.
Okay. Here we go.
I'll give you the rotation
on the stations
and then the password numbers.
First, Madison 88,
second, Logan Square 21,
third, La Salle 36,
fourth, Quincy 11.
sh**t them back then.
Madison 88,
Logan Square 21,
La Salle 36...
Slower, slower.
And Quincy 11.
What was that last one?
MUFF: Quincy 11.
-Aren't you going
to write them down?
-Oh, I got them.
-You sure?
-Mmm-hmm.
-Really?
-Yeah.
Okay. Now, there's something
very important
you all should know.
For security reason,
they change
the rotation of the stations,
the pick-up points,
the numbers and so forth,
every day.
Any deviation
and they if something's wrong,
which reminds me
I need Fogherty's gold
cigarette lighter by tomorrow.
What do you need that for?
Insurance.
If the phone line goes dead,
I want to be in touch
with Fogherty at all times.
Muff, I can't just waltz
into his office
and lift his lighter
right under his nose.
Yes, you can, Lil,
if you want your cut
of the action.
Use the old lady bit,
I don't care how you do it,
now, are you in or out?
I'm in.
Good.
Real good.
Now, that we know you're in,
while you're at it,
take the knob
off his roller file
and replace it with this one.
Hey, wait a minute, Muff,
that's not my field.
I know, but I also know
you can do it.
I get it, in case, he leaves
his lighter somewhere,
we can still have him bugged.
See? Didn't I tell you,
she's bright and beautiful.
That does it,
except for you, Jessie.
You've got a date
in, um, 32 minutes
with a guy who drives
a set of $50,000 wheels.
Charley.
Now, this is
the exact spot, okay?
Now, you stop here
and you fake engine trouble.
-How long do I stay?
-Um, two minutes.
-Then you move out.
-What time do I
have to be here?
Um, 12:20 or you'll
miss the train, okay?
Okay.
Oh, thank you.
Good morning.
-Have a seat please.
-Are you Lieutenant Fogherty?
That's right. Ralph Fogherty.
Now, what can
I do for you today,
young lady?
Don't patronize me,
young man.
I've come all the way
from the Sunnyvale Rest Home
to protest the way
the transit authority
discriminates against
senior citizens.
I don't follow you.
Do you or do you not
give a reduced fares
to senior citizens?
Yes, ma'am,
we certainly do.
Now, all you have to do is
present your identity card...
And you'll completely
ignore it.
What's that?
I said they won't take my card
at any station in the city.
Do you mind if I see it?
Not at all.
Here it is.
Well, are you satisfied?
Not quite.
Um, are you sure
that this is your card?
Of course, I am.
Would you like to see
some other identification?
No, no,
that won't be necessary.
Oh, no. Please, I insist.
Here. Check the names,
check the birth dates.
FOGHERTY:
I think I see the problem.
LIL: Really?
Yes. Is this
your most recent photograph?
Well, let me see.
Well, I must admit
I've had a few pictures taken
since then.
But this one
has always been my favorite.
If you don't mind
my saying so,
that photograph must be
40 years old.
Now, if you want them
to honor your cut-rate card,
you must use
a recent photograph
of yourself.
And have every ticket seller
in this system think
I'm an old lady?
Hardly.
Bureaucrat.
Okay. Charley,
the bags go in there,
no later than 1:00 p.m.
No problem. It gives me
40 minutes to get from
72nd Street to here.
Good.
[WHISTLES]
That's a lot of bread
for one lousy pick up.
Hey, between you and me,
what's really going to be
in them bags?
Between you and me?
Garbage.
I think it looks great.
Well, once you get
the lighter back to Fogherty,
we'll have him
right around the clock.
Well, how do we know it works?
[OVER TRANSMITTER]
What if he has to add fluid?
The unit is in the shell,
he wouldn't even notice it
if he has to change the flint.
Oh, Muff, you're a genius.
-This is true.
-I know.
When do you take care
of the transit authority
command center?
Tomorrow. Once I tap into
the warning signal line,
I'll be able to stop the train
for as long as we need
with this.
Oh, I hope so, Muff,
or I'll need
more stomach pills
than I can carry.
And just remember, sweetie.
After you replace the lighter,
get out and forget
the curtain calls, okay?
Don't worry.
It's going to be all right.
How do I look?
-[WHISTLING]
-MUFF: Bravo, bravo.
I hope the surroundings
don't bother you,
but in our situation,
discretion is very important.
Yeah. Is this discrete enough
for you?
Quite.
Well, now, who will
accompany the deceased?
The names are on the paper.
Hmm, and when may I
prepare the body?
We'll have it by 1:00 p.m.,
on the 8th.
Are you sure there won't be
any problems?
The dead go flying out
of Chicago
just as easily as the living.
Oh, thanks. Oh, boy.
[STATIC]
Oh, this thing.
No, no,
it's coming from that phone.
[STATIC]
What?
That's a bug, Frank.
Come on,
why would anybody bug me?
FOGHERTY: I tell you, Frank,
it's got to be the collection.
Oh, gee. I got it.
I'm sorry. If it isn't
the collection route
then there's no other reason
for putting that device
in your phone.
You keep forgetting
big brother.
Come on now, Frank.
Come on. The chief doesn't
need a bug to know
what I'm thinking of him,
scamming around here
leaks like a sieve.
And he doesn't need
a bug to know
that I'm bucking for his job.
And I tell you, it's gotta be
the collection route.
FRANK: Okay. Okay.
So it is the collection route,
what do we do about it?
FOGHERTY: We give them
just what they want.
We set them up.
And then
just when we're ready,
we make the k*ll.
Huh, good work.
-I better tip the chief.
-Why?
-Well...
-Why?
-Ralph, I...
-No, no, no. Why?
So he can let us do
all the work
and then cut us out
of the action again?
-Oh, come on, we...
-No, no, Frank.
This is our ticket upstairs.
This one is for ourselves,
right through all
the bureaucratic bull.
Frank.
JESSIE:
I knew it would never work.
All those rehearsals
and we never even
get to raise the curtain
opening night.
Ta-da.
Four tickets to Zurich,
Switzerland leaving Tuesday.
And here's yours, you...
Yeah, you join us a week
later.
Where, in the Chicago sewers
or would you prefer
the garbage dump?
I don't get it. What's...
What's with all of you guys?
Fogherty found the bug
in the phone.
All that guff about amateurs
and Mr. Pro blew it himself.
Helene, there was nothing
wrong with my bug.
There had to be something
wrong with the phone line,
I don't know.
So get off my back, okay?
It doesn't make any difference
how it happened.
It just did.
We just have to
find another way
to finish the job.
Have you flipped?
With Fogherty expecting
to get hit any minute?
No way.
Please, Muff.
If we could wait three years
to get this close,
we can hang in there for just
a couple of months more.
And what if they found
one of the other bugs by then?
We'll be right back
where we started.
Can't you see?
Walking into a trap.
I'm willing to take that risk.
For you and me.
Honey, if we got busted
and you wound up doing
10 to 15,
I couldn't take that.
Not to mention
the rest of you.
Thanks.
It's four to one, Honey.
You're out-voted.
We're calling off the hit.
That's what you think, friend.
Who's he?
He's the reason
you keep the door locked.
I'm flattered.
But that's no way
to talk about
your new business partner.
Business partner.
Since when?
I've decided to cut myself in
for 50% of the transit heist.
What you mean transit heist?
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Let me refresh your memory,
friend.
About the bugs Lil planted
in the roller file knob
and Fogherty's lighter.
Face it, friend,
I've got too much time
invested in all of you
to let this operation
go down the drain.
And if you think
I'm bluffing...
LIL ON TAPE:
What if he has to add fluid?
MUFF: The unit's the shell,
he won't notice it
if he changes the flint.
KITTY: Oh, Muff,
you're a genius.
MUFF: Yes, this is true.
KITTY: I know.
HELENE: When do you
take care of the transit
authority command center?
MUFF: That's tomorrow.
Once I cut into the warning
signal line with this,
I can stop the train
for as long as we need.
JESSIE: Oh, I hope so, Muff,
or I'll need more stomach...
You think you're the only one
who knows how to plant a bug?
I've had you wired
for months, lady.
I've have every word
you've ever said
about the transit heist
down on tape.
You quit now
and it goes to Fogherty
and you go back
to making license plates.
No. No deal.
I'm going to take my chances.
I thought you'd say that.
What about their chances,
Muff, hmm?
There's a lot of ways ladies
could get hurt in this town.
He's bluffing, Muff.
He wouldn't dare.
[ALL SCREAMING]
You still think I'm bluffing?
Any of you?
Good.
The full operation goes
exactly as planned.
And I'll be around
to make sure you don't make
any last minute changes.
It's a business, friend.
Don't take it personally.
FRANK: And remember,
I want a 24-hour surveillance
on every one
of the collection stations.
Shut it off.
Please, put it down.
You know what really burns me?
We take all the risks
and we only get 50%
of the take.
Don't complain to me.
Lubeck would have
never bugged the shop
or the apartment
unless one of you told them
we were planning
the transit heist.
In all of the spot
to be in, huh?
Now, I don't know
which one of you not to trust.
If you feel that way, Muff,
why don't you just pull out?
We don't go through with this,
all but one of us go belly up
in the river.
Well, and if
we do pull it off?
That means we stay alive.
There's only one way
it can work.
We've got to convince Fogherty
that we only hit one spot
instead of three.
And how do we do that?
We give him a decoy.
Give him something
to sh**t at.
Somebody he recognizes.
Somebody from the old days.
FRANK: That's three
collection days in a row
he's been hanging around
the station.
MAN: It sure looks
like a stakeout.
Ralph, do you want to check
and photo ID?
No, don't bother.
His name is Kovak.
Allan Muff Kovak.
Joliet, class of '75.
-I want to know
every move he makes.
-Okay.
Muff Kovak.
After all this time.
It's hard to believe.
It could be just
a coincidence, Ralph.
Knocking out
the transit system
doesn't make sense
for a penny-ante schlepper
who specializes in blue boxes.
Blue boxes and bugs
like the one found
in your phone.
Now, don't underestimate
our electronics Einstein.
He's taking a big step up
in this world.
Okay. If you're right
then we know
who we're up against,
probably where
he's going to hit.
The question is when.
Soon, Frank, very soon
or else he wouldn't risk
blowing his cover.
-Like Monday.
-The day after tomorrow.
How do you figure?
Well, we don't collect
Sundays, right?
So there'll be two days
stake in the till.
So all we do is
just spoon feed them
all the poop by the bug.
And I'll be calling in
the armored car schedule
and the station
password numbers.
That's right.
That'll give him 48 hours
to make the biggest mistake
of his life.
Listen, man,
I want no trouble.
You guys want to make
some money?
North side bag man
is coming around the corner.
He's got a blue coat on.
What's it going to be, pops,
in or out?
Hey, if you don't mind
to squeeze.
Excuse.
Watch your tool box.
What kind of
a security officer
are you anyway, huh?
[SLURPING]
I asked you to do
one simple thing,
just tail a guy,
and you wind up being mugged.
It wasn't a total loss.
I made the color.
Oh, that's great.
While you're rounding up
a couple of two-bit hypes
Kovak gives you the slip.
No telling where
he is now.
It beats me why those two...
Those two creeps kept yelling
for me to hand over the take.
They think I was some kind
of a bag man?
Scusi,this is where
I get off.
Honey, now that
Fogherty's on to me,
I don't want anybody
going near the fix-it shop,
so we monitor the bugs
from here.
Okay. You think of everything
don't you, love?
-Yeah.
-I know.
I got to split.
-No. Come on. Just stay, okay?
-I can't.
The girls won't be back
until later.
-Mmm. Where did they go?
-Um, Jessie went to a movie.
-Right.
Said she needed something
to settle herself down.
And Lil is out buying
make-up and nose buying, see?
What about Helene?
I don't know.
She made a phone call.
Said something
about a sick aunt,
left in a hurry.
-Was it a local call?
-Oh, I think so. Yes.
That's funny.
Helene once said she
didn't have any relatives
living in Chicago.
But we've prepared
the late Mr. Borg
for his journey home
exactly as you requested.
Why these last minute changes?
I think this should
more than cover
any inconveniences.
Very generous.
The ladies will be
very disappointed
when they reach Zurich.
Only one of them.
-Now, I tell you, Ralph,
we're in trouble.
-Why?
We can't keep this
from the chief
much longer.
We won't have to.
They're bound to hit us
and they're going
to hit us today.
All we got to do now
is let them know
where to do it.
Okay.
Security dispatch.
Calling armored car one.
MAN: Armor One ready
for collection route
and password numbers.
Okay. Here we go.
First, Madison 17.
Second, Logan Grand 26.
Third, Quincy 9.
Fourth, La Salle 52.
Security dispatch signing off.
-Think he took the bait?
-He's got to. He's got to.
Remember, he doesn't know
we're on to his phone bug,
remember?
Now as soon as Muff
makes his move,
I'll tail him
all the way to the action.
Come on.
Nothing new here, Frank.
Now, I tell you, for a guy
who's about to knock over
the transit collection,
he sure is playing it cool.
Why shouldn't he?
He knows the route.
He's got the signal.
-So far he's betting
a thousand.
-[CLICKS]
Yeah. Well,
I think it's about time
we throw him the curveball.
Okay.
Armor One,
this is security dispatch.
MAN: This is Armor One.
Go ahead.
FRANK: We've got a code change
on today's run.
MAN: Code changes?
Is something wrong Frank?
Nothing's wrong.
Just take it down.
It's a check on some
new security procedures.
MAN: We're going to be late
if it's another route.
Same route.
Different password numbers.
Now here they go, in order.
[PHONE RINGING]
Yeah.
Muff, it's Kitty.
They've just changed
the password numbers.
They what?
I just got the call.
The new password numbers
are 38, 17
and 75.
-What about
the collection route?
-That's still the same.
There's no sweat.
Just give the girls
the new numbers
and we're safe.
Jessie and Helene
are still here
but Lil's already gone.
She wasn't supposed to leave
for another half hour.
I know that,
but she had
opening night jitters
and she couldn't sit still.
Can't Jessie or Helene
catch up with her?
No, not a chance.
Jessie's got to get over
to the train yard.
Helene's got
to change disguises
at the station.
It's up to you, honey.
If you don't get to Lil before
she hits the Madison Street
station at 11:15,
she'll tip off every cop
in Chicago.
I'll do the best I can.
What about you?
Same as always.
Fogherty's outside,
keeping an eye on me.
One more thing, honey.
You hear a cop or see a cop,
you get out of there.
I can always find another scam
but not another you.
I love you.
[KISSES]
-I love you.
-Take care.
What are you trying to do,
you bugger?
Oh, I didn't mean
to hurt you really.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[PANTING]
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]
What's going on, Frank?
FRANK ON RADIO:
Armor One just took off
to make the collections.
Where's your friend, Muff?
FOGHERTY: Right where
he's supposed to be.
At La Salle Street.
FRANK: Good.
I've got five of our best man
waiting for him.
Pretty.
[PANTING] I'm sorry.
There's been a new
password number, 38.
Okay. I got it. Thirty-eight.
[BUZZING]
Thirty eight.
Would you get a load of that?
Yeah, they hire anybody
these days.
First stop.
Smug little creep.
He's acting like
he hasn't got
a worry in the world.
I don't like it.
FRANK: Relax, Ralph.
Armor One is due any minute.
So, unless he can fly,
he won't be knocking us
off here.
[BUZZING]
Thirty-eight.
Thirty-eight.
MAN ON RADIO:
Frank, we've been hit.
What?
What?
-FRANK: We've been hit.
-How did they get the code?
I don't know but they had it.
And now they got over
half a million bucks.
This whole thing was a put-on.
They never were gonna
hit us here.
All units to La Salle Street.
Repeat. All units
to La Salle Street.
Kovak is at the west entrance.
Pick him up fast.
You heard me.
He got away.
FRANK ON RADIO:
What do we do now?
What do you do now?
You keep looking.
And what's the news
from Logan Square?
Great. Armor One
made the pick up
right on schedule.
Good. Good.
That means Madison
was a one shot.
All right.
Now listen...listen carefully.
Get me an APB on a Muff Kovak
and get me a search warrant.
You hear me? A search warrant
on his shop and his apartment.
Will do.
And no reports. I repeat.
No reports to the chief.
Not until we have him
in our hands.
I'm going to get me
that little punk.
That'll teach you
to follow unescorted girls
into dark places.
Don't let me stop you, fellow.
Just protecting my investment.
[DOOR BUZZING]
About time you showed up.
Who are you?
Where's Murphy?
He called in sick.
He got the flu or something.
You don't sound
too good yourself.
Yeah. Well, the...
I'll see you tomorrow.
I promise the wife
I'd get home
for roller derby reruns.
Okay. Tell her I said hello.
Okay. See you.
Hey. What do you
got in the bag?
Oh, that's dirty clothes.
My wife's at Women's Lib,
and I got to take care
of my own wash.
Yeah. It kind of reminds me
of my sister-in-law.
A real weirdo.
Phew!
Hey, you got any cigarettes?
Ah, no. I can't smoke.
Got a cut in the throat.
Why don't you try over there
in the file cabinet?
I think I saw some over there.
Yeah. Okay. Thanks.
Yeah. Yeah. Everything...
There's nothing.
There's nothing.
No cigarettes.
Yeah. Well, why don't you
try chewing gum?
It's much better for you.
-Come on. Fill me in.
-Madison hit must have been
an inside job.
What makes you so sure?
Come on.
Look, somebody knows
something for sure.
Even with
the change of the password
number.
-Are you sure about that?
-Positive.
Snyder, please.
Never smoke on my face,
all right? Okay.
[DOOR BUZZING]
[BUZZING]
Seventeen.
Okay. All right. Let's go.
Come on.
Hey, you know what?
That smoke shop
down at the corner,
it closes in five minutes.
Hey, that's right.
Yeah. You need
a cigarette, right?
-Thanks for the idea.
-Yeah. Believe me,
my pleasure.
You better get going.
I'll phone in the report.
Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Come on and save me.
[DOOR BUZZING]
-Seventy-five.
-Bingo.
I'm working on it.
-What's the hurry?
-Sorry.
I wonder
what happened to Muff.
I don't know.
Maybe he spotted the real
guard and decided to split.
Helene, pros don't split.
MAN ON RADIO:
Security dispatch
from Armor One.
Come in Armor One.
La Salle Street,
they've been hit.
-Hit, La Salle.
-What?
When? How?
A couple of minutes ago.
The same way
they worked Madison.
They used a phony guard
for the pickup.
No, no, no.
Now, you just tell me,
isn't anybody
on the ball out there?
How could that happen
twice in one day, huh?
Make it three times.
They hit Quincy Street too.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no,
that's impossible, see?
Because I was there myself.
I saw you pick up the bag,
remember?
I know. I know.
We're just holding it up.
It's full of gravel.
[HONKING]
You look like a million
and a half dollars.
Oh, really?
JESSIE: Thank you.
-: Hey, okay.
-I got some gold here.
Here I come.
Oh.
Ooh.
He's not there.
He's not there.
Oh, no. What do we do?
All right.
I can stop the signal light
as long as we needed this.
Jessie, are you sure
you told him
the right station?
I don't... I don't know.
I... Oh, the only thing
I'm sure of is that I think
I'm going to be sick.
Oh, dear.
Center, this is
Ravenswood 433.
Why have you got me on hold?
MAN:
We didn't red light anyone.
The board just lit up
like a Christmas tree.
Here he comes now.
Here he is.
Oh, oh,
it's about time, Charley.
I was... I was down
to my last stomach wafer.
Hey.
Oh, careful. Careful.
All clear.
[TRAIN HORN BLOWING]
All right. You get up. Go on.
I'll take care of it.
I'll take care of it.
All right.
Hey, Moe, the train.
Madison, Quincy, La Salle.
That means we've got at least
three guys to worry about,
plus Muff.
I knew I should have
brought him in to begin with.
For what, loitering?
Suspicion of bugging a phone?
We didn't have a single charge
we could make it stick.
Yeah. We got a million
and a half now.
Hope he gets a hernia
just lifting it.
[PHONE RINGING]
Jarret, yeah?
You're kidding.
What?
-About what time?
-What?
-You're not going
to believe this.
-What already?
At 10:40 a.m. this morning,
some weirdo clobbered
the trainman in the yard
and took over a garbage car.
Garbage car?
That's all what we need
now, a garbage car.
Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
The 433 Ravenswood line,
that's a garbage car, right?
-Mmm. Right.
-All right now.
Each hit was made
before armor car reached
any of their pickups, right?
Okay. Now, check the schedule.
Go on and check the schedule
right now
and I'll lead you 3-1
that the Ravenswood
433 line
was at each station
just around that time.
Okay. You see,
we never figured on the hits
being before the pick-up.
That train
is our getaway car.
-The garbage car.
-Yeah, yeah.
Now, where is the train now?
-At the end of the line.
-I'm gone.
Boy, oh, boy,
oh, boy, oh, boy.
I can't wait any longer.
Come on. Put it down.
Let me see what we've got.
All right. Let's do this.
What's going on here?
Go through every piece of it.
Come on.
Every piece of this stuff.
What is this?
FOGHERTY: All right.
Come on, Muff.
You were all over
the Madison/Wells Station
for three days. Why?
Why not?
Oh, we're going to do jokes.
Did you hear the one about
the million and a half bucks
in the garbage train?
Fogherty, this job
must really be getting to you.
Quit stalling now, Muff.
We got you dead.
You got nothing.
You got a problem and
you're looking for some guy
to pin it on.
Well, it ain't me.
I'm just trying
to be nice, Muff.
Now, come on now.
I'll get you a short sentence
if you cooperate.
[PHONE RINGING]
That's it, Muff.
Jarret.
Yeah, he's sitting right here.
No money, Ralph.
FOGHERTY: What do you mean
no money?
Thirty-six bags
of A-1 garbage.
I don't care
what anybody says, Frank.
If somebody rips off
a garbage car,
they intend to use it.
Can I go?
Where's the money, Muff?
Listen, for the last time
I'm telling you,
I don't know anything
about any money,
so either book me
or bounce me out of this dive.
Get him.
-All right. Go on. Beat it.
-Thank you.
You guys seem so worried
about money.
I'm going to let you have
a couple of...
You crummy punk.
I could book you for bribery.
Do you mind?
No, not at all.
Come on, get out of here
before I change my mind.
Think...because I'd love
to shove that wallet
right down his throat.
-You would, huh?
-Yeah.
-And blow the best lead
we ever had?
-What are you talking about?
There was an airplane ticket
in that wallet,
Global Airways.
Could you read
the flight number?
No. But it doesn't matter
for now, does it?
Just get on the phone
and find me
every out of town flight today
for Global Airways.
If you don't cut that out,
your stomach is going
to be solid.
Hey, listen.
Something's got to hold me up.
My nerves are going.
They're gone.
Just relax, Jessie.
Everything's worked perfectly
so far.
We're long way from Zurich
and I don't think
I can make it on the plane.
Listen, just let me
do the talking
and remember,
you're in mourning
for Uncle Harry.
Uncle Harry, got that?
Uncle Harry.
Yeah, Uncle Harry.
-We're running out of time.
-Yeah. No kidding.
-All right. What have you got?
-Yeah.
We've X-rayed
every piece of baggage
going in flight 108.
It's all plain.
What about the carry-on stuff?
Let's check it at the gate.
Are you sure you got
the right flight number?
-Oh, come on.
-I'm positive.
Now, look, they bought
five first class tickets
all to Switzerland
and all from
the same travel agency.
So, that means
that those four guys
are in the waiting area
right now just waiting,
ready to board.
But still no sign of Muff
or the money.
I know that punk.
He's figured out some way
to slip it onboard
at the last minute.
Coffin's ready for boarding.
Coffin, what coffin, huh?
Yeah. Hand me that board.
Hand me the board.
The name is Borge,
Harry Borge.
-You don't think...
-I know.
-Hey.
-Come on.
MAN OVER PA:
Flight 108 for Zurich
now boarding at Gate 11.
-Fogherty, here's the ticket.
-Thank you.
-Well, that's a lovely.
-How many are there on this...
Excuse me, ladies.
Do you mind telling me
who the...
I beg your pardon.
Who are you?
Oh, Lieutenant Fogherty,
Chicago Police department.
-Oh.
-Who's the extra ticket for,
please?
It's for my sister-in-law's
uncle.
Really? Where is he?
-He's dead.
-Uh-huh.
You know, you have to pay
regular fare for a body
on the airlines now.
I mean,
it's absolutely criminal,
but it happens...
Criminal.
It is indeed criminal.
Let's see
how criminal it is.
Follow me into
security, ladies.
-I don't understand.
-We have plane to catch.
Just follow Sergeant.
I know. If you'd kindly let...
Now, do you have a warrant?
If you want me
to get a warrant,
it will take that much longer.
-We have a...
I am not...
I can't believe you.
Just go right into security,
ladies.
Just follow Sergeant Jarret
right into security.
You have every right
in the world.
Please go in the...
Just keep walking.
It's nothing wrong.
It's just routine. Please.
KITTY: I don't know what this
is all about, Mr. Fogherty.
But you better have
a very good reason
for making us miss our flight.
Oh, but we do.
It's called the late
Harry Borge.
We're checking his coffin.
KITTY: Why, you are all heart,
aren't you, Lieutenant?
You know, you're speaking
about her Uncle.
It's okay, Jessie.
We're going to take you
to the ladies room and...
Sorry, no way. No way.
What did you find?
Her uncle, dead
and dead broke.
There wasn't a dime
in that box with him.
Satisfied? Or do you want
tear out any more of her guts?
I'm sorry. I didn't know. I...
You can take her with you
as soon as she feels
up to it.
I appreciate your cooperation.
Oh, yeah? Well, I think
you'll change your mind
when you hear
from Jessie's lawyer.
What?
Coffin's empty?
Why that two bit little...
No, no, no.
No. No, don't worry.
I know where to find him.
I'll find him and the money.
Muff.
Oh, heard it all.
Well, it's not as bad
as it sounds.
No. It's worse.
You know, when I let Fogherty
see my plane ticket,
I knew he'd follow it
all the way to the airport,
all the way to the coffin.
And I even knew
somebody would start screaming
once you found it was empty.
I never thought it'd be you.
I love you.
I love you.
Then why?
[WHISPERS] Just tell me why.
Remember the house?
-Remember the kids
you promised me? You...
-I remember.
That's all we've talked about
for three years.
I tried. I tried and I tried.
I was so lonely.
I know.
And Lubeck
was so understanding.
You really blew it, honey.
Now, you both get nothing.
Nothing.
Now, what do you think
you are doing?
What does it look like?
I'm beating the chief
to the punch maybe
by resigning
before he fires me.
Come on, Ralph.
Oh, oh.
Hey, you all right?
Damn, that thing almost
burnt my hand off.
Another bug, Frank.
Look at this.
It's just like the one
we found in your phone.
So that's how they knew
every move we made.
All the way
to the airport, Frank.
All the way to the airport.
Wait a second.
Remember that big dame
in the security office?
You know, the nervous one
that fainted when we told her
there was nothing left
in the coffin,
but her uncle?
I have to admit.
We were kind of rough on her.
Yeah, maybe. Maybe not.
Maybe that wasn't
why she fainted, huh?
Maybe she was just
as surprised as us
when the cover was bare.
Double cross, they switched
somewhere along the line.
That's right.
And what's more
logical a place
than the mortuary, huh?
-All right.
-Get on the horn, Frank.
Check out and see
how many funerals
are scheduled for today.
And maybe with a little luck,
maybe we'll get to bury
Muff Kovak.
[SCOFFS]
I'll keep this.
My lighter.
"The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
"He maketh me to lie down
in green pastures,
"he leadeth me
beside the still waters.
"He restoreth my soul,
"he leadeth me in the paths
of righteousness
for his name's sake."
It's a Wellington Funeral
over there.
Yeah, I don't get it, Muff.
Why do we have to come
all the way out here to watch
the burial of
a perfect stranger?
You don't know
how strange, Jessie.
He's resting on
a million and a half dollars.
You mean you had
someone switch the bodies?
No, just the nametags.
That way, we come back,
we dig up the bread
and we're set for life.
Now, he tells us.
And I almost had
a nervous breakdown
back there.
Jessie, I'm sorry.
I couldn't let anybody
in on the switch
until I found out
who was working with Lubeck.
I'm sorry it turned out
to be Kitty.
PRIEST: ...in the house
of the Lord.
Let us bow our heads
now in silent prayer.
Stop. Stop.
Stop.
-Hold it.
-What is the meaning of this?
Sorry, Reverend.
It's a police matter.
All right. The four of you,
all under arrest.
What? Is it against the law
to pay respects
to an old friend?
FOGHERTY:
Only if the friend is loaded
with someone else's money.
Read him his rights, Frank.
Now, we'll open up the coffin
and then we'll see
if they can explain away
the million and a half bucks
worth in the late
Mr. Wellington's pocket.
-It is my...
-Did you say Wellington?
That's right.
Robert A. Wellington.
That's the name
on the bulletin board.
Well I'm afraid
someone has made
a terrible mistake.
This is the Ashton Funeral.
I officiated the Wellington
Services an hour ago.
FOGHERTY: An hour ago where?
Over there, of course,
at the crematorium.
Oh, no, the money.
What money, Fogherty?
I need a smoke. I can't smoke.
What money?
The money you were going
to use as evidence?
It's up in smoke.
I don't believe it.
You've got nothing
to worry about, girls,
I'm telling you.
We're both losers, Fogherty,
can't you see that?
MAN: Fogherty was eventually
promoted to Chief
the day they installed
new cigarette machines
in city hall.
After passing enough
bad checks,
Kitty and Lubeck
finally got the good life...
Behind the bars
of state prison.
Jessie's ulcer vanished,
but when she started
operating a milk bar
in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Lil gave up the uncertainties
of show business
for a career as a skydiver.
Helene married Muff
who finally found a way
to go straight
without wasting
his cunning criminal mind,
but he's now
a used car dealer.
Million Dollar Rip-Off, The (1976)
Moderator: Maskath3