08x02 - Dutiful But Dumb

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

MAN: Extra! Read all about it!

[NEWS VENDORS SHOUTING]

[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]

Where are those pictures
of that movie star?

I have those new photographers
on the job, Mr. Wilson.

Yeah? What's their names?

Click, Clack, and Cluck.

What'd you send them for?
Well, sir, you--

I didn't say anything
of the kind!

Yes, sir.

Click, Clack, and Cluck.

Just one! Just one!

[GRUNTING] Oh!

Oh, my public.

Darling. Sweetheart.

Have you forgotten
all your other wives?

Completely.
Except on alimony day.

But this is Weddingsday.

Ah.

[MOE GRUNTS] Ooh!

[LARRY GRUNTS]

Oh, darling,
this is the supreme moment.

Oh!

[MRS. DE PUYSTER SCREAMS]

Aah! What is it? What--?

It's a man!

[STOOGES SCREAM, CRASH]

PERCIVAL: I was gonna faint.

Ow! Hey!

What is this? Put the lights on!

Put the lights--
Where am I? What's happening?

Hey! Help!

Aah! Help!

Help!

Nitwit. What happened?

Oh, Percival,
you think of everything.

Ha-ha.
Just a little surprise, dear.

I hope you like it.

Ohh!

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck...

Hold it.

I got it. Nyuck, nyuck!

Why--

Thanks.

You missed me, nyah!

[MUFFLED GRUNTING]

[GROANS]

How long has that been
in the soup, froghead?

About, uh-- Hey.

What's the idea
of the three watches?

That's the way I tell time.
How do you tell the time?

This one runs minutes slow
every two hours.

This runs minutes fast
every four hours.

The one in the middle is broken
and stopped at : .

Well, how do you tell the time?

I take the minutes
on this one,

and subtract it from
the minutes on that one. Heh.

Then I divide
by two in the middle.

Well, what time is it now?

Oh, uh, minutes to .

Mm, so it is.

Ooh! Ooh!

[WHINING]

[BARKS]

Ohh!

Hey, wait a minute.
I can't find the negative.

How about the positive?

I'm positive about the negative,

but I'm a little negative
about the positive.

Oh, negative, eh?

No, I'm positive the negative
is in the developer.

Your brains need developing.

Ooh! Ooh!

[GURGLING]

Ooh. Hey, fellas, I'm lost.

Why, you numskull.

[YELLING]

[GASPING]

What happened?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hey, what's holding
up that picture?

MOE: Here we come.

There you are, boss.
What a picture.

We always bring them back alive.

What is this?

Hm. Six for the price of one.

You dimwit. You forgot
to turn the winder. How?

Like this. Ooh!

WILSON: Clear out
of here. You're fired!

Wait, boss. Every photographer
we've sent to Vulgaria

to get a picture has been shot.
So what?

What can we lose
if we send them?

Say, I think
you got something there.

I've changed my mind.

There's a boat leaves
for Vulgaria at : ,

and you're gonna be on it.

Vulgaria! Vulgaria!

[CHANTING] Viva Vulgaria!

A-veevo! A-vyevoe!
A-veevo-vyevoe-vum!

Bum kitta ratka
Pitta patta kat kat!

Rah rah rah, Vulgaria! Yahoo!

Whoo!
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Take your picture, mister?

No, no, no!
Read the sign. Read the sign.

We ain't gonna park here.
We just wanna take pictures.

Hold it. Aah!

Oh, camera shy. Hm.

What's the matter with
everybody in this town?

I think we better take
a pan shot of the buildings

or get something around here.

And for taking pictures
in Vulgaria,

you are sentenced to be shot.

Hut!

What are you doing?

Ohh! Mmm!

Oh, boy. A parade.

Let's get some pictures of it.

Wait a minute, buddy.
We wanna sh**t a picture.

You look important.
Stand in the middle. What?

You're covering the fella.

What are you doing? Wait.

Tilt your head.
You're shading your face.

I got an idea.
Put this g*n to his head.

LARRY: Hold it. Oh, no.

That man sh**t pictures.
Now we sh**t him.

An execution.

Can we sh**t a picture of it?
Yeah.

You sh**t the picture,
and we sh**t you.

Thanks.

STOOGES: Nyuh-uh-uh!

[SOLDIERS GRUNTING]

ALL: Nyah!

Aah! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey, buddy,
open this, will you?

Attention!

You got nothing
to worry about, boys.

They can't sh**t us.

SERGEANT: Aim! Fire!

CURLY: Mm!

Ah, ah. Wait a minute.

This ain't according to rule
of international law.

LARRY: We're supposed
to have a last request.

Yeah, this is request night.

What do you request?

How about a last smoke?

All right. But when the smoke
is finished, so are you.

MOE: Gee, thanks.

[GASPS]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[SOLDIERS SNORING]

[SNORING]

[CURLY COOS]

Attention!

Attention!

Ready,

aim...

MOE: Hey, wait a minute!

Come on.
What did you go to sleep for?

Mm! Come on, come on.

[BOTH PUFFING AIR]

Ha-ha-ha! Stop it. I'm ticklish.

A fine time to get ticklish.

MOE: Come on.
LARRY: Puff harder.

BOTH [IN UNISON]:
Heave ho. Heave ho.

Heave ho! Heave ho...

[GAGGING]

Hey, fellas, I swallowed it.

When? On the "ho."

Well, heave! Oh!

Heave! Oh! MOE: Heave!

Ready...

Aim, fire.

Oh, fire. Fire some more. Fire.

Oh, look.

[g*nshots]

[STOOGES YELLING]

Colonel, this is
our new invisible ray.

We can point it at any g*n,
and the g*n goes off. Poof!

Well, proceed with the poofing.

Yes, sir.

With that poofer,

we can sh**t the enemy
before they sh**t us.

Colonel, there are three spies

taking pictures on the grounds.

Spies?

[DOOR CLOSES]

Nobody in here. Come on.

Hey, look at the tricky g*n.

If we only had our cameras,
we could take a picture of it.

Oh. Look at that big camera.

Get in front of the g*n,
and I'll take your picture.

Okay.

[CURLY CHUCKLES]

What a tricky camera.
But I'll get it.

Smile, fellas.

Be sure to get us in.

Stand close together. Ready?

Let her go.

Watch the birdie.

What happened?

"What happened?"
I'll m*rder you. No!

I'm gonna tear you
limb from limb.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

You ain't got time.
I hear footprints.

Nyuh-uh-uh.

[CRASHING]

I thought
the sh*ts came from here.

There's no one here now.

Maybe I can get a report
on the radio.

[PUFFS]

This radio must be dead.

Maybe a tube's burned out.
Look in the back.

SOLDIER: It's funny. It
worked all right a minute ago.

[PLAYING POLKA MUSIC]

[TEMPO QUICKENS]

We must have a foreign station.

[IMITATES XYLOPHONE]

[IMITATES HARP]

Stop that music.

Yes, sir.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

It's on every station.

Get the news.

Yes, sir.

CURLY [IN DEEP VOICE]:
Calling all cars. Calling all cars.

Be on the lookout
for three photographers.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
They ain't in here.

I wonder where they are.

CURLY: Well, pal, you got me.

The last time I saw them,

they were running east
on Main Street,

or maybe it was west.

For that matter,
I'm not sure it was Main Street.

It might have been
three other guys.

[CHUCKLES]

You know,
I'm a stranger here in town,

and I-- Hah-cha-cha!

Nyuh-uh-uh! Arf!

There he goes. There he is.

[ALL SHOUTING]

[IMITATES XYLOPHONE]

Aah!

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Nyuck, nyuck-- Uh.

Hm.

[GROWLS, BARKS]

Aah!

[RINGING] Mm!

Hey, eats.
What are we waiting for?

I ain't waiting.

[CRASH, MAN GRUNTS]

Hm! Ha-ha.

Get out of the way.

Today we got raw oyster stew.
What'll you have?

Oyster stew. Ha-ha.

Hm. Nyuck, Nyuck, nyuck.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck.

Aah, aah, aah!

Mm.

[LIQUID SLOSHING]

[YELLS]

Yowwww!

[BARKS]

[TEETH CLANKING]

[HUMS]

[LAUGHING]

Yaah! Aah!

[WHINES]

[POP]

[LIQUID FIZZING]

That's all--

[YELLING]

Hm!

There you are.

Are these oysters fresh?

We just dropped them in.

Oh, thank you.

Nyuh-uh!

Hm.

Eeeyah! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Aah!

Hm!

[GROWLS]

Hm!

[CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES]

[HUMMING]

[WHINES]

Heh.

[HUMMING]

[WHINING]

Mm.

Heh? Ha?

[CHUCKLES]

Aah! Mm!

[BARKING]

[WHINING]

[WHINING]

Oh! Aah!

[WHINING]

[SNAPS] Hm!

Nyuck, Nyuck, nyuck.

[CHUCKLES]

[OYSTER SNAPS] [LAUGHING]

[GRUNTING]

Nyuh-uh-uh-uh!

Hm.

Oh.

Pepper. Ha-ha-ha.

[LAUGHS]

CURLY: Nyuck, nyuck.
[OYSTER SNEEZES]

Gesundheit. [OYSTER GROANING]

Nyuck, nyuck-- Ergh!

[WHINING]

Hey! Cut that out, you!

[ALL SHOUTING]

Hey, stop that!

Cut that out!

[g*nshots NEARBY]

[MEN SHOUTING NEARBY]

That's them.

MOE: Let us down out of here.

LARRY: Take it easy.
CURLY: Nyuh-uh-uh-uh!

Woo, woo, woo!

Hey, look out
with that knife there.

[♪]