05x05 - Violent Is the Word for Curly

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

[SCREECHING]

There, you see, Professor Hicks,

the school is in desperate need
of athletic equipment.

The girls need sports,
they want sports,

and besides, it's good for 'em.

I know what's
good for the girls.

Oh, Mother. Yes,

in my day we kept
our noses in books

and didn't run around
dressed like fan dancers.

It's useless to argue, Benson.

Mrs. Cattsby's generous donation
will be used for the salaries

of the three European professors

who arrive today
to join our faculty.

Oh, that reminds me!

We'd better start
preparing for their arrival.

That's Mother for you.

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

I'm going across the street,
men, for a sandwich.

Now listen, when customers
come in, give 'em service.

Now, this is your first day
on the job,

so show me that you got
what it takes.

Don't be afraid to push
those sponges around.

Use a little elbow grease.

Suppose it's knee action.

[ANGRILY]: What's the idea?

Mistaken identity.

Hi, pal.

Okay, boss, you can trust us.

Carry on.

You heard what the boss said.
He's a pretty nice guy.

We'll grease their elbows
and I'll grease their palms.

Carry on. Carry on.

[HORN HONKING]

What'll it be, stranger?

Put in gallons of gas.

I'm going across the street
for a sandwich.

Okay, boys, super service.
Carry on!

ALL: Right, right, right, right.

Well, I guess we might as well
have lunch here, gentlemen.

BOTH: Ja.

ALL: Right, right, right.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Swing it!
Give them super service.

Elbow grease, eh?

Thank you. Super ser--

Hold it.

Super service, help yourself.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[SNEEZES]

Gesundheit. Super service.

[ALL GRUNTING]

[CHATTER]

Clean windshield, gents.

[ALL COUGHING]

[HUMMING]

Why, I never saw such
service in my life.

Hey, throw me that polish!

Right.

That's what you call--

What are you doing?

Quiet. Over in a minute.
What are you doing?

Hold it. [CHATTER]

[GRUNTING]

What's all the rumpus here?

Take it easy, field marshal.
Sit down.

You don't know what
you're doing. Go help him,

I'll finish this. Right.

Hey, we gotta clean
the spark plugs, get the tools.

Okay, finish this.

Right. Right. Right. Right.

[SINGING]

Come on, hurry up.

Super service.

[CHATTER]

Wait.

Don't you men know you're
not supposed to open a body

unless you sterilize your hands?

ALL: Super service.

Hey, can you guys give me
a little help?

I need some repairs.

We're pretty busy, pal,

but we'll be glad
to let you use the tools.

Save us working the job.

All right, men,
a little super service.

You check the battery,
you check tires.

What are you gonna check?
I'll check you guys.

Right. Right.

[SHOUTING]

Don't worry about nothing.

I'll get that done
in a minute here, bud.

I never thought-- What is this?

Just as I thought. What?

Huh. What-- What you doing?

Take it easy, now.

Hey,
what kind of a place is this?

Let go my leg.

Hey, what are you trying to do?

I'm gonna press his pants.

Well, leave him alone and check
the tires like I told you.

Right.

Don't do any--

Only one ahead of you,
you're next.

Right.

[HISSING]

Stop it. Quiet.

Larry? Give.

Okay, okay.

[HISSING STOPS]

[HISSING RESUMES]

[CURLY GRUNTING]

What's the matter with you?

Oh, I just got this
fellow cleaned up.

Shut it off!

Larry, shut it off.

Stop it. Stop it. Please.

Are you hurt? Are you all right?

Get up out of there.

You see what you did, huh?

Now I gotta clean
those guys up again.

BOTH: Oh!
Don't stand around idle.

You put in the water,
you put in the gas.

Get moving. Right. BOTH: Right.

Sorry, gents, but this can
happen in the best of places.

I'll have you all cleaned up
in a jiffy.

[GRUMBLING]

Take it easy, now, boys.
Everything's all right.

That's all right now.

MOE: Now, hold still, now.

Just a minute,
I'll have a towel right away.

Stop that.
Just take it easy, fellas.

[BELL CHIMING]

Hey, did you put the water in?

Ah, you never do anything right.

[expl*si*n]

What happened?
It's m*rder, it's arson.

Let's get outta here!

MOE: Hey, Curly, come on!

Hey, Moe, Larry!

[ENGINE SPUTTERS]

What's the matter?
We're outta gas.

Outta gas?

What do you think
this thing is, a camel?

We've been going
for over three hours.

Let's get outta here.

Hey, wait a minute.
Didn't we forget something?

I can't think of anything.

How about Curly? Curly?

He's in the car! Curly!

Hey, Curly!

Open the door.

Hey, Curly.

He's frozen.

Get him outta there.

Oh, a frozen dainty, eh?

He's as stiff as a plank.
What are we gonna do with him?

We'll build a fire
and thaw him out.

Come on, get him into the woods.

Get your arm under here.

[CRACKING] Up we go.

He's done on this side,
turn him over.

Twenty minutes to a pound.

Ha, ha. We'll be here a month.

[YELLS]

What happened? Get me off here.

Untie me!
LARRY: He's burning, Moe!

MOE: All right, he's done.

[SCREECHING]

Easy now, kid. Easy. Whoa!

Easy, kid, I'm getting you.

Whoo.

[YELLING]
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[SHOUTING]

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

[PANTING]

Are you all right?
Take it easy, kid. Come here.

Give me your hand,
give me your hand.

[CHATTER]

Whoa!

Now look at the mess
you got us into.

Wait a minute.

What about those suitcases
I put in that ice-cream truck?

There might be some
dry clothes in them.

That's a good idea,
let's go and look.

I ought to beat your brains in,
and I think I will.

[SCREECHES]

Hey, wait for me.

I ain't going any place.

They've stopped.

Look, they must be
our three professors.

Yes, yes, indeed.

Welcome to Mildew.

I guess she means us, let's go.

Oh, Professor Von Stupor?

Stupid? I guess you mean him.

We have a grand day planned.

First a visit to the classrooms,

then a reception
and a buffet luncheon.

I never ate a buffet,
but I bet you got something.

Look out, let me get in there,
will you?

Oh, you'll just love it.

Mildew has a lovely
student body.

Yours wouldn't be so bad either,
if you took off about pounds.

What? Come on, sister, let's go.

[CLAPPING]

Thank you, girls.

Henceforth, Mildew College
will take its place among

the world's greatest
institutions of learning.

No other school can boast
of having such distinguished

educators as Professors
Feinstein, Frankfurter,

and Von Stupor.

[CLAPPING]

Say, I'll meet you in the gym,
next to the dumbbells,

You'll know me, I got a hat.

[CHUCKLES]

And now, I'm going to call on
Professor Feinstein to tell you

something of his famous theory.

[CLAPPING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Oh, me, uh--

Any questions?

Is it true that time and space
are calculated by the direct

ratio of interplanetary
magnetism to solar radiation?

What do you think?

I think we're gonna have
trouble with this dame.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm gonna-- Sit down.

I'm gonna test your-- Sit down.

I'm gonna test your mental
coordination with a little--

Sit down!

With a little number called
"Swinging the Alphabet."

LARRY AND CURLY:
Swinging, right.

Right.

I'll explain it so even
you can understand.

My colleagues will assist.
Ready, sister?

Get that junk out of here.
Come on boys, scram.

I'll give you the idea
in a nutshell.

B-A, bay. B-E, be.

B-I, bickey-bi, B-O, bo--

I'll give you
the correct demonstration.

Cutie pie,
pound those horse teeth.

[PIANO STARTS PLAYING]

♪ B-A, bay, B-E, be, ♪

♪ B-I, bickey-bi, B-O Bo,
Bickey-bi-bo, ♪

♪ B-U Bu, Bickey-bi-bo-bu. ♪

ALL: ♪ C-A, say, C-E, see ♪

♪ C-I, sickey-si, C-O, so ♪

♪ Sickey-si-so,
C-U, soo, sickey-si-so-soo. ♪

Get the idea girls?

Now, we'll all join together
on the letter D.

[PIANO PLAYING]

GIRLS: ♪ D-A, day, D-E, dee ♪

♪ D-I, dickey-di, D-O, doe ♪

♪ Dickey-di-doe, D-U, do,
Dickey-di-doe-do ♪

♪ F-A, fay, F-E, fee ♪

♪ F-I, fickey-fi, F-O, foe ♪

♪ Fickey-fi-foe, F-U, foo,
Fickey-fi-foe-foo ♪

♪ G-A, jay, G-E, gee ♪

♪ G-I, jickey-ji, G-O, joe ♪

♪ Gickey-ji-joe, G-U, joo
Gickey-ji-joe-joo ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da ♪

♪ F, J, A ♪

♪ H, G, E ♪

♪ H-I, hickey-hi, H-O, hoe ♪

♪ Hickey-hi-ho, H-U, hoo ♪

♪ Hickey-hi-ho-hoo ♪

♪ J-A, jay J-E, gee ♪

♪ J-I, jickey-ji, J-O, joe ♪

♪ Jickey-ji-joe, J-U, joo ♪

♪ Jickey-ji-joe-joo ♪

♪ K-A, kay, K-E, kee ♪

♪ K-I, kickey-ki, K-O, ko ♪

♪ Kickey-ki-ko, K-U, koo ♪

♪ Kickey-ki-ko-koo ♪

♪ L-A, lay, L-E, lee ♪

♪ L-I, lickey-li, L-O, lo ♪

♪ Lickey-li-lo, L-U, loo ♪

♪ Curly's a dope ♪

♪ M-A, may, M-E, me ♪

♪ M-I, mickey-mi, M-O, mo ♪

♪ Mickey-mi-mo, M-U, moo ♪

♪ Mickey-mi-mo-moo ♪

[MUSIC SPEEDS UP]

[APPLAUSE]

Oh, Duncan, Mother said
to announce luncheon

as soon as it's ready.

I shall do so at once, miss.

[BELLS CHIME]

Luncheon is served.

Oh, super service.

All right, Easy, fellas.

Take your time,
there's enough for every--

It's bad etiquette to reach
in front of a person

when said person is trying
to snag a morsel of food.

Oh!

Head him off around there!
I'll get him down here!

[PEOPLE GASPING]

Oh, somebody,
do something, help him!

Hold still kid, I'll get you.

Oh.

I can't do a thing with him.
You try something.

Oh!

Oh, a wise guy, eh?

[SHOUTS]

From now on, you're on your own.

That's gratitude for you.

Do you think we'd
better call a doctor?

No, if he had
an ounce of initiative,

he'd swallow the thing.

Oh, Mrs. Cattsby?

Yes? May I see you?

Certainly.

[GROANS]

Some terrible mistake.
A mistake?

I am Professor Von Stupor.
I beg your pardon?

Ready, go.

A bull's-eye.

This is the last straw.

Tonight we return to Hamburg
on The Clipper.

I never heard of such a thing.

You never heard of what?

He's gonna get a hamburger
with a zipper.

Wait.

We will mix them a formula

they will never forget. Good.

Gentlemen,
I demand an explanation.

Oh, don't worry, lady,
let 'em go.

What this college needs anyway
is athletics. Football.

And basketball.

I can do very nicely
with a highball.

What do you mean? [SCREECHES]

Come on outside, lady.
We'll demonstrate.

Come on, toots. Come on, girls!

[CHATTER]

Now just try
and visualize, lady,

a beautiful spring afternoon,
the flowers are in bloom.

The bees are making honey.

And Seabiscuit is making six
furlongs in one flat.

[CLICKING]

Oh! Quiet.

[BARKS]

The grandstands are filled
to capacity, and look:

I see a diamond.

BOTH: Where?

Just old-time prospectors.

All right, break it up.

Now, Mrs. Cats. Cattsby.

All right, Cattsby.
Sufferen-Cattsby.

Aw, suffering--
Hey, will you quit heckling me?

Come on men, break it up.

Any luck?
Aw, he gets all the breaks.

Yeah, I found a corona.

A corona?
It was a corona corona,

but I only found half of it.
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[GIRLS GIGGLING]

Shall I put in a little of this?

MAN: Just a little,
about one quart.

Good.

You see, basketball is very
difficult to explain

without a basketball.
Has anyone a basketball handy?

Any kind will do.

Crow-flight, Baby Dimple.

[GIRLS LAUGHING] Oh, thank you.

That's what I call
super service.

Come on, men, we'll demonstrate.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

What's the meaning of this?

Don't worry, Mother.

Come on, swing it!

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Hey, what's the idea?

She intercepted it.
Come on, let's get it.

Run, lady, your team's getting
all the breaks.

ALL [SHOUTING]: Run, run!

CATTSBY: Let me out of here.

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Get up off of me.

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Mrs. Cattsby's ball
on her own yard line.

I've had just about enough
of this, gentlemen.

ALL: A fumble, a fumble!

I've never been
so humiliated in my life,

but I'll forgive everything

and give the school
an athletic fund

if you'll just get those three
poor professors back.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Hey, fellas?
Get rid of that ball,

the lady's got a proposition.

[expl*si*n]

There you are, lady. That's what
I call super service.

But look at them.

We'll have them cleaned up
in a minute.

Carry on men.
ALL: Right! Right, right.

[♪]