Forty, forty one, stop.
Nicholas, what's wrong?
I'm tired of counting.
Oh, great, you're tired.
Now, how am I supposed
to set my record?
Easy. You got to ,
do nine more and you got .
Nicholas,
it doesn't work that way.
You have to do
all at one time.
You can't just quit
in the middle.
It was your fault for making me
count in the first place.
I should have known
you'd blow it for me.
Tommy?
- What?
- I'm sorry. I..
I'll count all the way
to for you.
It's no use,
Nicholas, I'm pooped.
We could do it.
Okay.
One..
...two..
...three..
...four..
...fifty!
[theme music]
♪ There's a magic ♪
♪ In the early morning ♪
♪ We've found ♪
♪ When the sunrise smiles ♪
♪ On everything around ♪
♪ It's a portrait
of the happiness ♪
♪ That we feel
and always will ♪
♪ Oh eight is enough
to fill our lives ♪
♪ With love ♪
♪ Though we spend our days ♪
♪ Like bright
and shiny new dimes ♪
♪ If we're ever puzzled by ♪
♪ The changing times ♪
♪ There's a plate
of homemade wishes ♪
♪ On the kitchen window sill ♪
♪ And eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Uh..
Game and match.
Ha ha ha, I suppose,
now you're gonna smirk.
Smirk? Me? After trouncing
a man that's geriatric?
Bring your family
to the park Sunday
and we'll see who's geriatric.
Alright, you name
the time and the stakes.
High noon.
And your losing team is gonna
buy dinner for my winning team.
Oh, wait a minute,
that sounds expensive.
I suspect treachery.
As well, you should.
You know, my new son-in-law,
played a little varsity football
at Chico state,
and Marcy's new fiance
'was nearly drafted
by the ers.'
Now, wait a minute, fiances
are hardly official family
for tush ball purposes.
They were when Abby caught
that lucky touchdown pass
three weeks before
you were married.
You snuck in
the fiances eligible rule
and I intend to keep it.
Okay, okay,
but I don't think it's fair
what with David
bumming around the country
trying to find himself.
Our team is a little short
of male personnel.
That's no problem.
Just marry off
a daughter or two.
At today's prices?
I'd rather lose at football.
[instrumental music]
Um, uh-I really
missed you, Susan.
- Really?
- Yep.
I had you on my mind,
so much, there was one time
in Fresno,
I called the umpire darling.
[laughs]
Su-Susan,
I really gotta talk to you.
Hey, Merle,
I really missed you
when you were out
on those road games.
Th-that's nice, Nicholas.
Hey, uh, would you rather
play catch a little later
I'd hate
to interrupt your plans.
That's okay.
When I heard you were coming
I saved the whole day.
[chuckles]
Susan, you be shortstop.
[sighs]
Come on.
You know,
you're all he talks about.
Don't worry, he tires easily.
Uh, how easily?
Oh, about an hour.
Merle, burn me one.
I just hope my control is back.
Last few games,
my fastballs been sailing high.
Dang it! Still sailing.
Uh-uh, sorry, Nicholas.
Oh, that's okay. You're probably
just used to taller catchers.
Nope, nope, I'm just rusty.
'G-get the ball,
we'll try again.'
Right, Merle.
- You're sneaky.
- Not sneaky enough.
I need something to get us
alone for at least an hour.
N-now, I've thought
it all over, Susan
and you gotta listen to me.
Okay, if it's that important.
[horn honking]
I don't believe it. It's David.
David, who?
It's David!
Hey, everybody,
our David's home!
- Oh, David, so good to see you.
- Hey.
Oh, what're you doing home?
Oh, why didn't you warn us?
How long you gonna stay?
David. The other brother
with lousy timin'.
[indistinct chattering]
- You've been gone so long!
- Only five months.
- Seems like five years.
- Really..
It was for one music post card
and six collect phone calls.
[chattering continues]
What's going on?
Dad, you won't believe it. What
if your fondest wish came true?
Nonsense, this house
is not about to spontaneously
grow another bathroom.
Dad, be serious, I said
your fondest wish. Go see.
No-first,
let me ask you a question.
Oh, yes.
What is this Stockwell fellow
doing in our front shrubbery?
- What're you talking about?
- Oh, you know, Merle Stockwell.
Your gentleman caller,
he's crawling around
in our chrysanthemum.
Oh, poor Merle, I forgot
everything when David came home.
- Oh, no.
- Who came home?
David!
[chattering continues]
Make room, everybody,
let me through.
Don't forget, I knew him first.
- 'Oh, dad. Oh.'
- David, welcome home.
Oh, Merle, I'm so sorry.
What? No problem, gave me
time to find the baseball.
I apologize, it's just, we
haven't seen David all summer.
Well, now that you've seen him
can we have that important talk?
Oh, could I take a rain check?
We're planning a
Welcome Home dinner for David.
Uh, ca-can I see you tomorrow?
Well, sure. Call me, okay?
Bye-bye.
Hey, Nicky,
Merle found your baseball.
Of course,
he's got the best eyes..
[chuckles]
Sure does.
Hey, Merle,
you wanna catch a few?
Uh, not now, Nicholas.
I'm kinda sacked out.
What's wrong?
Well, I don't want you to get
the wrong idea, slugger, but..
...when I come back tomorrow,
you think you can help me
get Susan all alone for a while?
If you want,
but three handed catch
is a lot more fun
than two handed catch.
I don't wanna
play catch with Susan.
Oh-ho, let me warn you,
she's a pretty lame batter.
Uh, actually, Nicholas
this is...bigger than baseball.
Can I ask you a question?
I was gonna ask you a question.
What's bigger than baseball?
Y-you think Susan likes me?
Everybody likes you, Merle.
Except the enemy teams.
Wait a minute, are you
getting mushy about Susan?
Let me put it this way.
How would you like it
if we were in the same family?
That'd be great.
But I know dad
and he wouldn't adopt you.
No, no,
I wasn't thinking adoption.
Between you and me, slugger
I was thinking about
becoming your brother-in-law.
My brother-in-law?
That's what I'd be
if Susan will marry me.
Really?
Really.
I accept.
(Abby)
'Didn't David
give you any reasons?'
- I didn't ask.
- You didn't ask?
Well, don't you think we're
entitled to some explanations.
I mean,
he runs out on a marriage.
He takes off on the road to
nowhere with a perfect stranger
we hardly hear from him
the whole months that he's gone
and then he suddenly
just reappears alone.
Tom, aren't you even curious?
Yeah, I'm so curious I itch.
Well?
I didn't want to scare him off.
I don't wanna open up
any old wounds.
My prodigal son is home
and I just want to enjoy it.
(Susan)
'Hi, Mare'.
Is David
all settled on the couch?
As well as anyone can settle
on that back breaker couch.
Are you gonna keep us
in suspense all night?
Yeah, come on.
Okay, here it is.
I'm sure he still loves Janet.
- Pay up.
- Hold it, Nancy.
Did he actually tell you that?
Not in so many words.
Well, forget paying up, Nance.
Well, uh-if he didn't tell you,
Mare, how did you know?
Because he didn't ask me
one word about her.
Well, he probably forgot
she even exists.
Look, if David lived with Janet
they were only hours
away from being married.
Now, if David didn't care
well, he would have politely
enquired about her health.
But, oh, no, instead,
he frantically sidetracked
the conversation
anytime we got close to her.
That's very discerning, Mary.
Well, I think he came home
just so we'd do his laundry.
No, Mary's right.
Male egos are really
delicate and I think
David's been so bruised,
he doesn't know what to do.
Well, I know what to do.
I invited him to brunch.
Oh, that's a great theory, Mary.
Cure a broken heart
with egg's benedict?
And I also invited Janet.
Does either one know?
Of course not.
You devil.
No...cupid.
Nicholas, are you sure
you're not making this up
to impress
the whole fifth grade?
No, Merle told me
that he's asking Susan
to marry him tomorrow.
Yeah, well,
remind me never to trust
Merle "The Pearl" Stockwell
with any secrets.
I trust Merle. It wasn't him
that blabbed, it was me.
But who can keep
news like this a secret?
Boy.
Nicholas, do me a favor, go to
sleep, you're gonna need it.
Dad's having football
practice tomorrow.
When?
Right after Dave and Mary
get back from the restaurant.
Okay, goodnight, Tommy.
Goodnight, Nicholas.
Goodnight, brother-in-law.
[instrumental music]
Um, David, w-why don't you go
ahead and I'm gonna freshen up.
Just ask for
the Mary Bradford table.
Okay. Can I order you anything?
Uh, why don't you wait
till I see the menu?
Whatever you say.
[instrumental music]
David!
Hello, Janet.
I don't find this very funny.
Then you had nothing
to do with it?
Well, of course not.
Oh, I'm sorry,
I-I didn't either.
Mary.
Wait till I catch up to her.
Hey, wait, wait.
Now, that, now that it's
happened though, can we talk?
Why?
Because I wish it hadn't been
Mary that had arranged this.
Wish it'd have been me.
I was waiting
to get the courage up.
Please, David, stop.
Most of all...
I wish I'd never left you.
Don't say that.
Well, it's true.
Why do you think I came home?
I think you better slow down.
Janet, I was the worst
fool in the universe.
You won't believe
how many days I spent
regretting that stupid
fight of ours.
Please, don't.
I don't blame you for doubting
me, but it's all true.
I could never really
run from you.
I love you, Janet.
I wanna start over.
[instrumental music]
No, David.
'It's too late.'
There's somebody new.
He wants to marry me.
[instrumental music]
Well, I-I guess I deserve it.
I didn't get you..
I didn't get involved
with Reed to punish you, David.
It just happened.
I didn't wanna see anyone
for weeks after you left.
Reed and I started as friends.
I really needed one.
And then we
discovered our lives
and ambitions
are exactly the same.
That's one thing
you can never say about us.
'Tell me, uh, this, Reed..'
...is he a lawyer or a doctor?
Second from the left in
Bridgeford Alison
Seagull Legal clinic.
'He'll be a judge someday.'
Would you do me just one favor?
That depends.
Don't tell me I'd like him.
But I think you would.
Which goes to prove that we
never did understand each other.
How about brunch?
I don't think
you'd enjoy the company.
I wanted Mary to meet Reed,
so I asked him to join us.
And just as always,
he's dependably prompt.
[indistinct chattering]
- Hi, darling.
- Hi.
Reed, uh, there's something
I've to explain.
He's not a female
medical student.
Right. On both accounts.
[chuckles]
I, uh, I thought
we're meeting the sister
of that flaky Bradford guy.
Actually, I am that
flaky Bradford guy.
I see. Well..
I don't suppose I can really
object to a reunion, but, uh..
'...this does seem
a bit obvious.'
It wasn't his idea, Reed.
Oh, I see,
just an unfortunate accident.
Well, those things happen.
Goodbye, Bradford.
I wasn't leaving.
(Reed)
Oh, yes, you are.
And from what I hear, your
greatest talent is disappearing.
This time you can do it
without hurting Janet.
Let her speak for herself.
She already has, Bradford.
The first six weeks
we knew each other
that's all she talked about.
Now, let's understand
each other.
'You're never going
to hurt Janet again..'
...because you're never
going to see her.
And you can stop me?
I can stop you.
Janet?
(Tom)
'Oh, according
to my calculations'
'we will out think them, out
defend them and out play them.'
The only edge that they might
have is this Marcie's fiance
the Stamford wingback.
Fiance?
Well, Greg remembered some
obscure rule that we had
where anybody engaged to a
Maxwell or Bradford is eligible
for tush ball competition,
but it isn't fair, but it is.
Well, that's great,
I guess that puts
Merle "The Pearl" on our roster.
Who?
Merle "The Pearl" Stockwell,
he's gonna propose to Susan.
Oh, they hardly know each other.
Well, I suppose
you could suggest
that they live together.
Tommy?
Are you sure about this?
It's a very reliable source.
I can't believe it.
I mean,
why wouldn't Susan tell me?
Well, frankly, dad,
I have a very good reason
for not telling you
Merle proposed to me
because he hasn't.
Oh, well,
I'm relieved to hear that.
Why did you scare me like that?
Well, I didn't say
Merle had proposed
I said he was going to.
He told you
before he told me?
Oh, no.
A-actually, he told Nicholas.
Nicholas? Oh, great.
Now, all of Sacramento will hear
my marriage proposal
before I even do.
Well, when you do hear it
I want you to consider
the ramification very carefully
before you give an answer.
Dad, I already have my answer.
Yeah, I was afraid of that.
Definite no.
- Oh..
- Why no?
Because Merle Stockwell
has lot of nerve taking someone
so much for granted, he proposes
to her little brother
before he proposes to her.
I'm not some
grand stand groupie, you know.
Good for you, Susan.
I've got my own ideas
about my future
and no egotistical chauvinist
is going to decide it
without even consulting me.
There goes Stockwell
to the showers, folks.
Yeah, and I hope
his head shrinks.
The Thai place?
Sure.
Okay. Bye-bye.
- Mary.
- Yeah.
David's just pulling
into the driveway.
Is Janet with him?
- No.
- That's funny.
Well, think about it,
Mare, I mean
after five months of separation
would you wanna share Janet
with your sisters?
Even if they were responsible
for getting them back together.
You know, Nancy, you're right.
Yeah.
And knowing David,
he probably just came by
to thank you for arranging
the romantic reunion.
Oh, they belong together.
I don't need any thanks.
[door opens]
Thanks a lot, Mary.
Especially this kind of thanks.
I guess,
it didn't go too well. Huh?
I'd have more fun
bleeding to death.
From now on, family,
stay out of my life.
Rather ruin it myself.
Yeah, Merle.
Uh, I can't hear you
when the doors are slamming.
[door slams]
Uh, I think,
that should be the last slammer.
What can I do for you?
Sure.
'Susan, Merle!'
Tell him I left for Pakistan
and then hang up.
- Hang up?
- Every time he calls.
How can you say that?
He's gotta be the biggest
baseball star in Sacramento.
Wrong, he's the biggest
conclusion jumper in Sacramento.
But he's got the best arm.
And the biggest blabber mouth.
No consideration
for a woman's feelings.
I can't believe it, she made me
hang up on him six times.
Really? We ought to call him
Merle "The Persistent Pearl."
Hey, hold it, Joannie,
I think I'd rather get
six calls from one guy,
than one call from six guys.
All I wish is that I can get
Susan to let Merle come over.
Hold it, Nicholas.
Hold what?
That kinda talk
is very dangerous.
All I said is that
I want Susan to be nice
to my friend Merle.
Yeah, well, forget it.
Mary tried to play
cupid for David
and now he won't even stay
in the same room with her.
Yeah, Nicholas,
not even for meals.
(Joannie)
'Yeah.'
You know they're right,
Nicholas.
It's not
a very good idea to mess
with other people's love lives.
You know, you might get caught
in the crossfire
and then both Susan and Merle
can end up hating you.
Merle wouldn't do that.
Oh, don't bet on it, Nicholas.
Listen, you play it safe.
You stay as far away from this
lovers quarrel as you can get.
Okay, if you say so.
You're the experts on mush.
[giggling]
Oh, David!
I was hoping we'd get
a few minutes alone.
Oh, yeah, me too, I was, uh,
just going to come see you.
I know, that old tush ball fever
is really catching.
But remember now,
excitement is no substitute
for good preparation.
And I thought that
you and I can get together
and have a little
advance skull practice
before we get out to the park.
Now, I've worked out a few
variations on our all famous
"Statue of liberty,
quick kick, option reverse."
Dad, it's no use.
Oh, it's no use with me
as the quarterback
but with you home now,
we're gonna be a sure touchdown.
Dad, listen to me,
I won't be your quarterback.
Oh, of course you will.
I don't mind playing end.
I won't be here Sunday.
I don't understand.
I'm leaving, dad.
Leaving? You just arrived.
Yeah.
Well, was it something we did?
No! It was just a stupid idea
for me to come back.
Stupid, as far as I'm concerned
it was the best thing
that happened all summer.
'Where do you plan to go?'
I'll figure someplace.
I see. More drifting.
That's right, more drifting.
David..
I didn't wanna say this
until you had been home
for a few days.
But I think
you better hear it now.
You know..
...your family wants you home.
We want you to be happy.
It's time you took hold and
started to build for yourself.
- Dad--
- No, no, no, listen.
Let me finish, it won't
be easy, but we can find a way.
I've already talked to Abby.
Well, I-I thought that maybe
I could co-sign a loan for you
so that you could go back
into the contracting business
that you started
right before you left.
I-I-I would be your partner,
your silent partner, of course.
It's no use, dad,
it wouldn't work.
Well, it would if you tried.
Don't you know me by now?
Even if I try,
it doesn't work.
I'm always there too late,
with too little.
If there's one thing I hate,
it's self pity.
If there's one thing I hate,
it's self righteous advice.
I'm just trying to help you.
I didn't ask for your help.
Well, you better
get somebody's help.
Can't you just leave me alone?
'Sure.'
'Leave you alone,
so that you can cop out'
'on a man's responsibilities?'
That's the way
you wanna see it, why not?
If that's the way you see it,
you've made your point.
You're right, David.
You don't belong in this house.
[intense music]
[instrumental music]
Hey, slugger.
Hey, Merle.
Uh, would you take
this to Susan for me?
Uh, nope.
I don't want you to hate me.
What, hate you?
W-why should I hate you
if you help me
get a message to Susan?
Well, my sisters say
I'll get in trouble.
Woo-ho-ho-ho.
Wait a minute, slugger.
Now, didn't I come through when
you needed help with your girl?
You mean Lil? Yeah.
Well, fair is fair.
Help me with Susan.
Well, when she makes up her mind
it's like talking to a rock.
She'll come around.
You think I'd have the best
strikeout record in the league
if I gave up easy?
It's one thing
you have to learn, Nicholas.
When the goin' gets tough,
the tough get goin'.
'It can be ninth inning,
scores tied, no outs.'
Count is three to zip against
you and you don't give up.
Not on our team, right?
Right. Not on our team.
That's my slugger.
Now, let's get out there
and win one for The Pearl.
[intense music]
(Tom)
'Any luck?'
All I got was a promise
that we'd hear from him.
I know that promise.
A man can spend weeks
waiting for it to be kept.
Why, Abby? Why is he doing it?
He's years old.
In my day, when a man was
he had two small children
and a big mortgage.
You didn't say that, did ya?
I said worse.
What's goin' on?
- Are you leaving again?
- That's right, Nicholas.
But-but why so soon?
I bet I know. Janet.
Mary says you got
trouble with her.
Thanks, Mary.
No, the truth is, Nicholas
I'm leaving to escape
the Bradford instant grapevine.
But Nancy says
you still like Janet.
Face it, Nicholas, you know
more about this than I do.
David, I don't get it.
If you still like Janet,
then why are you leaving?
Because I got b*at out,
Nicholas..
...by someone else.
Janet and I are over.
It could be the ninth inning,
no outs, the scores tied.
The count is three-zip against
you and you don't give up.
Who says?
My friend, Merle The Pearl.
Life isn't baseball, Nicholas.
Sometimes, when the game
is over, the game is over.
Not on our team.
Merle says "When the going gets
tough, the tough get going."
[laughs]
It's not funny.
Not you, Nicholas.
Your new buddy, the bull-pen
philosopher, Mr. Stockwell.
Well at least Merle doesn't
always run away like you do.
No, you don't understand.
I understand. You have
a little problem, David.
And you run away every time.
You're a quitter!
- Do you really think that?
- Everybody does.
A couple of weeks ago,
I would've missed you.
But now I'll get a new big
brother who makes me proud!
You could apologize.
It wouldn't work.
I went too far, I said too much.
You could tell him that.
It's too late, Abby.
I'm afraid we lost him again.
Sorry, I-I should've knocked.
David, uh,
w-what can we do for you?
Well, if you haven't rented out
that k*ller couch
in the last half hour,
uh, could I have it back?
[Abby chuckles]
- You're staying?
- If you'll have me.
If we'll have you?
Oh, David,
of course we'll have you.
That's wonderful. Here, let me
help you stow your things.
Relax, dad. I can handle it.
[instrumental music]
David..
...I apologize.
I want you to forget
those terrible things I said.
The truth is, I..
...was afraid of losing you.
You're not gonna lose me, dad.
[music continues]
[Abby clears throat]
Well, um,
are we just gonna stand here
or are we gonna help David
unpack his things?
Welcome home.
You're even hanging up
on Merle's letters?
Don't bring me any more,
Nicholas.
I sure wish you'd be
nice to Merle.
Please, I never wanna
hear that name again.
- Any hot water left?
- Nope.
Tepid?
Past tepid.
Go directly to freezing.
- D-David!
- David.
- You're not here.
- I'm not?
Well, no. Joannie told me
you were leaving.
Oh, I changed my mind.
Why?
As Nicholas says,
"When the going gets tough--"
"The tough get going."
Going where?
Hasn't Joannie told you?
I'm taking dad up
on his business offer
and I'm going to get Janet back.
But, David,
Janet's practically engaged.
So, I'll change her mind.
- But how?
- However it takes.
Susan, hurry up in there!
I got to get gorgeous.
I'm goin' courtin'.
[guitar music]
Tommy, tell me about courtin'.
Oh, I'm all for it.
Any fox that that wants
to court Tommy Bradford
will be cordially considered.
Great, but what is it?
Well, it's a little
complicated, Nicholas.
'I don't have time to explain.'
But I'm kinda in a hurry.
Sorry.
Well, can you learn
by watching somebody?
I suppose that depends
on who you watch.
- David?
- 'Sure, why not?'
David taught me % of my moves.
That's right, Mrs. Imurah.
Charge them to me.
Two dozen red roses.
The longest stems
you got in the shop.
Yeah, uh, send them to
Janet McArthur,
---, Devannah place
Apartment C.
And I'd like the card
to read, "Love, David".
Right. I'll be by
to settle up. Thank you.
[instrumental music]
Hello? Mrs. Imurah?
Yeah. This is Nicholas Bradford.
My brother David
just ordered some red roses?
Yes, and I was wondering
if you could send
the same thing here to the house
to Susan Bradford.
And have the card read,
"Love, Merle".
Yes. Thank you. Bye-bye.
[music continues]
Alright, remember now,
this practice is very important.
We have a chance to win
two complete dinners!
Tom, you didn't double the bet?
Are you kidding? Now that David
is back I should've tripled it.
Dad, can I hike the ball now?
I've been bent over so long,
I'm kinda getting dizzy!
Nancy, a good center
never hikes the ball
until every player
understands his assignment.
Now, are there any questions?
Yeah. I-I wonder what's
in that delivery truck.
Delivery truck?
- Hey!
- Bet it's for Susan.
Wait! C-c-come back!
You're all off-sides!
Anybody know a Susan Bradford?
- Oh!
- That's me!
I bet it's from
Merle The Pearl again.
Boy, I don't believe that guy.
Roses, poetry books
and now this.
'Come on. What is it,
what is it? Show us.'
- 'Oh!'
- Candy.
Hey that's strange. That's
the same kind I sent Janet.
Well, you know,
those things happen.
- Come on, come on, give us!
- Okay. Anybody want some?
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Wait a minute.
Here, you want some?
- I want one of these
- Come on, you guys!
Susan, this team is in training!
(Susan)
'Oh, dad!'
- Ow!
- How's the Charlie horse?
That's better than
a sprained ankle.
Oh, don't you think
it's time somebody told dad
I'm getting a little too
old for touch football?
Are you kidding?
The day that he's forced
to admit that he's too old
for touch football,
it would never happen.
[telephone rings]
Uh, I'll get it.
Hello.
Oh, Merle! Um, hi, uh-uh, could
you hold on a second please?
Um, do you mind? It's personal.
Yeah. You-you actually
gonna talk to him?
Well, Joannie, he has been
very nice to me lately.
I should at least thank him.
Now, uh, would you limp away?
Oh, I'm limping.
I'm limping. See?
[laughs]
(Susan)
'Hi, Merle.'
'I just want you to know that
I'm not mad at you any more.'
That was really sweet
of you to send those
pretty flowers and candy.
'What do you mean,
"What flowers and what candy?"'
'Oh, terrific!
You don't even remember?'
Oh, well I should have known.
You probably send so many gifts
to so many of your groupies
you can't even keep track.
'Well, let me tell you
something, Merle Stockwell.'
'I will not be
treated that way.'
[Susan hangs up]
What'cha doing here champ?
Uh, wondering what
the expert would do about this.
- The expert?
- Yeah. You know, David.
(Janet)
'I wish you hadn't
done this, David.'
I'm not going to give up, Janet.
I'm gonna keep at it until you
realize that I really love you.
(Reed)
'Bradford?'
Now as I understand it, these
are the roses you sent Janet.
Mm-hmm.
Now just a minute, Ellis!
This is the candy.
That does it.
And this is the last time
I'm going to reason with you.
In other words, Bradford
you lose.
[instrumental music]
[doorbell rings]
Please, ma'am,
I-I just got to see Susan.
I can't tolerate it any more.
Susan? Our Susan?
Uh, well a-actually, Merle
I'm not really sure
that she's home. Uh..
- 'Susan?'
- I'm not home.
Throw him out, Abby!
No, Abby! Don't throw him out!
I hate remind you guys,
but I'm not the family bouncer.
Well, excuse me, ma'am.
Susan Bradford, you come
down here and talk to me.
Now, I know I'm really
loony over you
but not so loony
I've lost my memory.
If I'd thought of it,
I'd have sent you presents
but I didn't think of it.
Well, then tell me
Mr. Stockwell..
...just how do you
explain these?
Same dude is tryin'
to b*at my time?
Oh-ho, just tell me who he is
so I can personally
see him clobbered.
Read the cards, Merle.
You sent them.
I did not!
Yes, Merle, you did.
I-I did?
Well, sort of.
Nicholas,
maybe you better explain
what you know about this.
Well, it's like Merle says.
He would have sent them
if he thought of it.
But he didn't, so I did.
You sent these things?
But the card said "Merle".
So will the bills.
Well, I was wrong then.
No, I was wrong.
Maybe you both should go in
the study and talk this over?
- Thank you, ma'am.
- Yeah, sure.
- Not you.
- But they need me!
No, they need to be alone.
They need their privacy.
Darn, that's all
the thanks I get.
Nicholas, you should feel
wonderful. Don't you get it?
'Merle and Susan
wanna stop fighting.'
- Really?
- Really.
At least now I can tell David
that courting really works!
You know you love me, Janet
and I'm gonna keep coming
back until you admit it.
Please, Bradford. Be civilized.
There's no way you can
get rid of me, Janet.
Did I ever tell you I was
Packard wrestling champ?
You did. The last time.
Well, this time, Bradford,
I suggest you don't forget it.
[sighs]
So, you don't have a girlfriend
at every ballpark?
I swear, Susan!
I just let 'em yell up there
in the grand stand.
I haven't been out with any girl
except you
since I left Arkansas.
In fact, you're the only
female I ever met
who comes into my mind
more than baseball.
Oh, and that's supposed to make
me swoon at your feet, huh?
Well, how should I know? I..
I pitched a lot of baseballs
but this is the very first time
I ever tried to pitch woo.
Comes to romance, I'm a rookie!
Oh, well, at least there's
one thing we agree on.
So, I made some mistakes.
But only because
I want you so much.
Well, Merle,
you could have told me that
instead of blabbing to Nicholas!
I tried, believe me, I tried.
But he's the only one
who'd listen.
I'm listening now, Merle.
- C-can I count on it?
- Mm-hmm.
Then let's start back
at the first day.
[exhales]
I know it's sudden, but..
...I-I never felt
this way about anyone.
I haven't either.
[instrumental music]
Well, I think he's finally gone.
(David)
'Not quite!'
(Janet)
'David!'
I'm just making a point.
My stupidity
separated us for the summer.
But nothing else and nobody else
will ever do it again.
Bradford..
...I've known some slow
learners in my time
but you take the prize!
Doesn't he?
I want you
to think about that, Janet.
While he's throwing me out.
[door slams]
[chuckles]
Nicholas, where is everybody?
All I know is that I'm here.
Yes, I can see that.
Be in the dining room
in five minutes.
I wanna have family skull
practice for Sunday's tush ball.
I'm kinda busy.
Nicholas, this stairway
is perfectly capable
of holding itself down
without your help.
I'll see you in five minutes.
Is somebody in there?
Susan and Merle.
- Locked in my study?
- 'Yeah.'
And I think they're too busy
for skull practice too.
[giggles]
Please, Janet, control yourself.
If I laugh right now,
it could be fatal.
I'm sorry, Reed. It's David.
He looked so funny
when you screamed.
I always scream
when my back goes out.
Is there anything we can do?
Now you ask!
You could have stayed out
the first time I threw you out.
- I gotta sit down.
- Can I help?
I can manage. Thank you.
Well, should I call a doctor?
Maybe you should call
your lawyer.
I can probably sue you for this.
Actually, it was your idea
to throw David out.
Well, but I was doing it..
[groans]
...for you.
I know that,
and it was very sweet, but..
But?
Well, it's just that..
Well, frankly, this evening
has been very eye-opening.
[scoffs]
No, back breaking!
No, what I mean is..
...I've never seen David
act like this before.
That's the whole point,
I'll do anything
it takes to get us
back together.
Please, David, don't interrupt.
Why don't you just
tell him to go home?
[sighs]
- I can't.
- What?
I mean, I can.
But I don't think I want him to.
Jan..
Janet, I can't believe that.
Don't you remember
what this guy did to you?
Yes.
I'm remembering more
all the time.
Reed..
...David and I..
...we giggled.
I heard you.
Even when my back was popping.
No, I mean,
when we were together.
We giggled a lot.
[giggling]
So?
You and I never did.
That's hardly the basis
for a lasting relationship.
Isn't it?
Is it?
What?
Okay, come on, dad!
- Come on!
- Play ball!
Alright! We'll get 'em!
- Ready, Maxwell's?
- We've been ready.
Alright, Tom,
this time don't miss the ball!
You'd have miss too if your
star player didn't show!
If David said he'll be here,
he'll be here.
Do you want me to kick-off?
Oh, no! Never!
I'm still trying to adjust
to women bank presidents!
Alright, here goes!
Oh!
[screams]
[indistinct shouting]
Touchdown! Yay!
Time out! Huddle!
[grunts]
Where'd they get that ringer?
- He's Marcy's fiance.
- Are fiances eligible?
I'm afraid so, Nancy.
They'll b*at us by points.
No, they won't.
Merle! Come here.
Hey, Susan,
what do you want Merle for?
To tell him
I accept his proposal!
- You do? Hee-haw!
- Whoo!
Susan, people don't
accept proposals
in the middle of
a football game.
Dad, I was gonna tell him
tonight when we were alone
but why wait?
Now is when we need him.
(Max)
Time's up, Bradford's!
Unless you're planning
to announce you concede?
No way, Doctor Max! We're
announcing our engagement.
Huh?
Another sneaky Bradford trick!
Susan, think about this.
What's wrong, dad?
Don't you want to win?
This is no criticism to
Mr. Stockwell, it's just that..
...you hardly know each other.
Oh, but, dad, I know
we only met four weeks ago
but we spent every minute of
the last three days together.
And the way we feel,
Mr. Bradford
it's like we knew each other
before we ever met.
Love's like that, dad.
Now stop fussing or we'll
have to forfeit the game.
Winning games is one thing,
but...marriage is another.
Hey, Bradford's! Are we
playing football or aren't we?
[indistinct chattering]
Look at it this way, Tom.
You're not losing a daughter.
You're gaining an equalizer.
Yeah, dad. Fair is fair.
I mean, if they can have
a fiance, we can too.
Well..
Tell him about your
scholarships, Merle.
- Scholarships?
- Uh, yes, sir.
One was in baseball,
but two were in football.
You have three scholarships?
Well..
You all know how I
approve of scholarships.
- Yeah.
- Oh, yes.
Welcome to the team!
- Yay!
- Yay!
Can you play quarterback?
Dad, he won't have to.
Here comes David!
And look who he brought
for the rooting section.
Hey, alright! You get
the feeling we're gonna win?
I get the feeling
David already has.
Time out for kissing!
Time in for football?
Let's get our team!
[cheering]
- Let's get 'em, Bradford's!
- Yeah!
- All of us!
- Yeah!
Maxwell's, rah!
Maxwell's, rah!
Rah, rah, Maxwell's! Yay!
Bradford's, rah!
Bradford's, rah!
Rah, rah, Bradford's! Yay!
[indistinct chattering]
Hey, hey, Mary. Um..
I thought Dave and Janet do
better when we stay out of it.
Yeah. You're right.
We don't want them mad at us.
- Right.
- 'Hey, Mary, Joannie!'
Would you like to
join us for lunch?
(David)
'Yeah, and bring Nancy
and Elizabeth.'
Hey, but you left out Susan!
I don't think
she's interested in tacos.
Uh, no.
I tell 'ya,
according to my calculations
our team has points and
your team only has points.
I figure
it's our to your .
I tell you what?
Why don't we do this?
Why don't we deduct all
the points that your prospective
son-in-law made and
all the points that mine made
and then just see what happens
official Bradford's
against official Maxwell's.
Okay, uh..
You got zero...and we got zero.
That's what I figured.
- Great game.
- Great game, Tom.
We'll talk about this
to our grandchildren.
- Grandchildren?
- Let's face it, Tom.
Our kids are getting
engaged and married.
It's only a matter of time
before we start to discuss
the eligibility of pregnant
women and third generations.
Think we can carry on
the old tradition?
More important, you think
you can carry me to the car?
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
[music continues]
04x02 - The Cupid Crisis
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The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.