03x14 - Katie's Romance

[bunniefuu]

Good morning, Kraus.
Good morning, Benson.

Oh, my, you
look nice today.

Well, thank you
very much.

Uh, what are you
doing tonight?

You don't
look that nice.

Well, thank you again.

No, it's just that
I have these tickets

for the National
Gymnastics Competition

and I can't go,
so I thought maybe

you and Arnold
might like 'em.

Oh, thank you, Benson,
but I can't make it either.

Mmm.
The community
theater

is opening
Oklahoma! tonight.

I'm making the costumes
und Arnold is playing Curly.

Arnold's playing Curly?
I thought Arnold was bald.

Only on the top.

He wears a cowboy hat.
You can't even tell.

And he's not gonna
take his cowboy hat off

when he kisses the girl?

He kisses a girl?

That's the story.
Curly falls in love
with Laurey.

Und he kisses her?

Kraus, if he's
playing a cowboy,

he either kisses
her or the horse.

He kisses anybody,
he gets a fat lip.

I'm going to go and
call that buckaroo.

Morning, Kraus.
Oh, go
kiss a horse.

Uh, Pete, you got
any plans tonight?

Plans? Yeah.
A gorgeous redhead,

classy French restaurant,
dancing till the wee hours,

then back to my place
for a nightcap.

Oh, so you
got a date?

No, all I got is a plan.

Well, I got these
tickets to the National
Gymnastics Competition.

I can't use them.
You want them?

How much?
Nothing.

Hey, that's great.
I'll take Denise.

Do me a favor.
When you get back
to your office,

ask her if she'll go.

Pete, I'm not asking her.
You ask her.

Oh, I can never
find the right words.

Just be direct.

Good morning, everybody!

Good morning.

Well...

(CLEARS THROAT)

Denise, how about some
gymnastics tonight, huh?

That's a little
too direct, baby.

What do you think
I should do?

Show her the tickets.
That's a good idea.

Denise, see, they're
already paid for.

Do you want
to go or not?

Oh, I'm sorry,
Pete. I can't.

Any other bright
ideas, Benson?

Consider the priesthood.
Thanks, Denise.

I would go, Pete,

but I'm going to the
community theater tonight.

My mother is playing
Laurey in "Oklahoma!"

Benson, what is it
that goes on between
me and women?

Very little.

Good morning.

Gentlemen, don't forget
that meeting at :.

Oh, is that with you and
that P.R. guy from New York?
Yeah.

You know,
I don't know why you're
bringing in this guy.

I can handle
all that campaign stuff.

I'm not
bringing him in, Pete.
It's the party's idea.

According to
their latest polls,

my image needs
a lot of polishing.

Yeah, but what can
he do that I can't?

Well, for one thing, Pete,
he can probably get a date.

The party thinks
this is gonna be
a tough one?

Yeah, apparently.

Listen, Pete, the fellow
might want to take a look

through your press files,
so stay available.

Yeah, I'm free,
except for tonight.

I got this pair
of tickets here

for the National
Gymnastics Competition.

Oh, really?
Katie's been talking
about that meet all week.

Hey, well, look,
I don't have a date.

I can let you have these
for practically nothing.

Practically nothing?

Thanks, anyway, Pete.

I've got exercise
class tonight.

Oh, listen, I have an idea.
Why don't you take Katie?

Katie?

Excellent idea, sir.

Well, I didn't say
it was a bad idea.

Good. I'll go tell her.

It's not funny, Benson.

What are those guys
from the press gonna say

when I walk in there
tonight with half a date?

They'll say,
"Here comes Pete

"with half a date more
than he usually has."

Hi, fellas,
what's going on?

We're having
a meeting, sir.

Oh, I'm sorry,
I'll come back later.

Governor, the meeting
is with you and Clayton
and that guy from New York.

Oh, that's right.

(KNOCKING)
GOVERNOR: Come in.

Sorry to keep you
waiting, gentlemen.

Governor, this is
Jerry Ziegler

from Pierce, Pierce,
and Boyington.

Pleased to meet you,
Mr. Ziegler.

That handshake's
gonna get you into
trouble, Governor.

Excuse me?
That's my first
piece of advice.

Firm up your handshake.

Now, who else we got here?

Ah, well, this is, uh...

How you doing there, guy?
Pete Downey, press secretary.

Don't overcompensate, babe.

Who's this?

Benson DuBois,
budget director.

Hey, man, you call
that an afro?

I mean, I got a bigger
afro than you do.

Listen, if you want
to help your governor,

you got to maximize
your blackness.

Exploit your roots.

Mmm-hmm.

Are you here alone,
or did the whole
circus come?

Benson, if you'd
listen to Jerry,

it's just possible
you might learn something.

Clayton, when I want
to find out something
about my hair,

I'll consult
Ebony magazine.

Mr. Ziegler, shall we
get down to business?

Hey, hey, hey!
Call me Jerry.
Mr. Ziegler's my father.

Does he know you're
this far from home?

Benson, why don't we just
give Jerry the opportunity

to express exactly
what he intends to do?

Thank you, Clay.

Now, we specialize
in image, okay?

We can sell
anything if we put it
in the right package.

Soap, politicians,
or dog food.

You keeping up
with this, DuBois?

I think so.

You want us to wash
the governor up

and put him in
a gainsburger box.

Just try
to ignore him, Jerry.

Fine.

Now, at Pierce,
Pierce, and Boyington,

we've used computers
to put together a composite

of what we call the least
objectionable politician.

For instance,
the way you got
your legs crossed.

Body language, okay?

You got to start thinking
more in terms of machismo.

Any questions,
Benny?

Yes, as a matter of fact.

On the way out here,
did your plane lose oxygen?

(CLEARS THROAT) Governor,
you have an appointment

with senator Barnett.

Oh, good. Well,
I better get going.

Come on, Jerry.
Why don't you tag along?

Ah, terrific, I'd like
to see the governor
in action.

Well, you won't
be disappointed.
He's playing handball.

Like it or not, Benson,

this man is gonna get
the governor re-elected.

Boy, that guy is a real
jerk, isn't he, Benson?
Yeah.

What's he doing
here, anyway?

He works here.
Who are you
talking about?

Clayton.

Who are you
talking about?

Jerry.
Then we're both right.

Yeah, Benson, you and I,
we're a lot alike.

Don't overcompensate, babe.

Good morning, Kraus.

How'd the
opening of Oklahoma!
go last night, huh?

Arnold kiss the girl?

He was going to,
but Denise's father
stood up and said,

"You do it, Doris,
you walk home."

But outside of that,
everything went okay, huh?

Outside of that,
everything was a disaster.

Arnold got woozy
during the dream ballet.

Well, maybe he was
dreaming about you.

Benson, he fell down
und lost his hat.

For the rest of the play,
every time somebody
called him Curly,

the whole audience
burst out laughing.

(LAUGHS)

See? Und you
weren't even there.

Und that's not
the worst part.

In the big number
at the end of the show,

he misspelled
"Oklahoma."

But, Clayton,
I like to wear jeans.

All the kids
wear jeans.

Now, now, pumpkin,
Jerry is simply
suggesting

you wear some sweet,
little dresses

during the campaign,
munchkin.

Clayton, I have a name,

and if it's too
difficult to remember,

just call me
"Miss Gatling."

Very well,
Miss Gatling.

Jerry thinks
you should look
more vulnerable.

I think Jerry's a twerp.

And that's the nicest thing
that's been said about him.

Incidentally, Benson,
Jerry thinks we should

huddle this PM light bulb
a few notions,

get this campaign
off the back burner.

No wonder the english
language is in trouble.

Benson, did you hear
about my date last night?

Yeah, I heard you
went out with Pete.

It was wonderful.

He's the most mature
boy I know.

Yeah, me, too.

We sat with the guys from
the Wide World of Sports.

He knows those guys?

He knows everybody,
and they all like him.

He makes them laugh.

And they kept
buying us stuff to eat

and charging it to ABC.

(LAUGHS) Well, Pete's
one of the big spenders.

Katie, here's
your lunch.

Thanks, Miss Kraus.

Did you tell Benson
what a good time
you had last night?

Yeah.

I wonder if there's
any way I can get Pete

to take me to the movies?

Sure, there is.
How?

Offer to pay.

See you later.
Mmm-hmm.

Bye-bye, liebchen.

Hey, you guys.
KRAUS: Good
morning, Pete.

Hey, Romeo.

I hear you know
how to show a girl
a good time.

You mean Katie?
It was all right.

That's not what the guys
in the pressroom are saying.

Oh, Benson.

Oh, Pete, don't let
him tease you.

That was a very nice
thing that you did.

Ah, I remember
when I was Katie's age.

Gosh, what a memory.

Ja.

I was or ,
und there was this
young man named Waldo.

He was a clerk
in my father's hotel.

One day Waldo took me
to a dog show.

Did you win?

He was very nice to me,

und I had such
a crush on him.

Oh! It's one of the
happiest memories
of my childhood.

Whatever happened
to Waldo?

My father fired him.

Fired him? Why?

Well, one day
I left the mountain

to go and make
goo-goo eyes at Waldo,

und while I was gone,
a wolf k*lled all my goats.

And he fired Waldo?

Well, he couldn't
fire the wolf.

You know,
it's been that way
since Adam and Eve.

A girl messes up,
and the guy has
to pay for it.

I'll see you later.

That's some story, Kraus.

Yeah, I'll never
forget it.

We ate goat
for a month.

What does goat
taste like?

You ever have llama?

I've had llama beans.

Hi, Denise.
Did Pete come in here?

Yeah, he's in meeting
with Benson.

How was school today?

Uneventful.

Denise, can I ask
you a question?

Sure.

A kind of
personal question.

Okay.

Are you and Pete
heavily involved?

In what?

You know, love.

(CHUCKLES) No.

I mean, we've been out
a couple of times,

and he's a nice guy,
but we're just good friends.

Oh, good.

I'm gonna go make
some copies of these.

You want to come with me?

No, if you don't mind,
I'll just hang around
here for a while.

Sure.

Okay, Benson, I'll
schedule a press briefing
tomorrow at :.

Hi, Katie.
Hi, Pete.

Hey, have you
seen Denise?

Why do you chase
after her, Pete?

She doesn't treat you
the way you deserve
to be treated.

Yeah, I know.

What you need
is a woman who loves you.

What I need is a woman
who'll go out with me.

I'll see you
later, Katie.

Wait, Pete?
Yeah?

I just want you to know...

What, Katie?

Never mind.
Okay.

Pete, I love you!

What was that?

Uh, um...

I, uh... I, I love you.

Pete, I never
felt this way
before. Never.

Yeah, uh, well, uh...

Well, I affect a lot
of girls that way,

but you'll get over it.
All the others did.

No, I won't, Pete.

After last night,
I realize

that you and I are
made for each other.

No.

Yeah.

No, really.

Oh, Pete.
You're blushing.

Uh, Katie,
we can talk later.

I got to go.
Have a meeting
with the goats...

Uh, the guys.

He's so cute.

Oh, Benson,
I'm glad you're here.

I want to get
your advice.

What do you think?

I think somebody's
been defacing your poster.

No, I did that.

Oh, really?

Well, you stayed
inside the lines.

Jerry thinks I need
a younger image.

How do you like
the hair like that?

It's okay.

What about
a mustache?

Oh, well...

Kind of looks like
Wayne Newton.

(LAUGHS)

Let's put
an eye patch.

(LAUGHS)

What about a scar?
Oh, yeah.

And an earring.

(LAUGHS)

How do you like that
for a candidate, huh?

It depends.
When's the last time
we elected a pirate?

.

Oh, right, right.

(LAUGHING)
Well, that settles it.

I'm not gonna
dye my hair.

No earring?
No.

I'll just go along
with the way I look.

I will work
on that handshake.

Is the governor gone?

Well, he will be if he keeps
listening to Jerry.

Benson, you got
to help me here.

See, this girl
is in love with me,

but I'm not
in love with her.

I mean, you know,
I like her all right,

but she's only .

What are you
complaining about?

Bo Derek's only a .

Would you
be serious, Benson?

This could cost
me my job.

Not to mention
your citizenship.

Benson, it's Katie.

She says she's
in love with me.

(LAUGHING) Oh?

Have you two
set a date?

No jokes, huh?
What if the governor
finds out?

It'll be pistols at dawn.

You don't think
he'd k*ll me?

Oh, no. Well,
not immediately.

I'm sure he'd want
to toy with you first.

Come on. The governor
is not a violent man.

Yeah, you're right.
He'll probably
just fire you.

Fire me? It's not my fault
she's in love with me.

Who's in love with you?

Doesn't anybody
knock around here?

This is the kitchen.
What's going on here?

(SINGSONG VOICE)
Katie loves Petey.

Why don't you just
scribble it on the walls?

Calm down, Pete.
You finally got a girl

you can get into
movies half price.

Isn't anybody
gonna help me?

It's just an
infatuation, Pete.

She'll get over it.

You think so?
Of course.

If she doesn't, you'll
have the biggest wedding
in the th grade.

CLAYTON: Hey. (STAMMERING)
Just a moment, Benson.

I need to talk to you.

You'll have
to wait your turn.

I'm still listening
to your jacket.

This was Jerry's concept.

He felt in my former
mode of dress

I looked too much
like the governor,

confusing to the public.

I see, and rather than
confuse the public,

you'd prefer
to blind them.

Jerry's right. The people
just aren't that sharp.

It's Jerry that's
not that sharp.

There's no reason
to fool the people.

What's wrong
with the governor
the way he is?

We can make him better.
We have the technology.

Mmm. That's just
what we need,
a bionic governor.

(TYPEWRITER KEYS CLICKING)

What is this?

I don't believe this.

Get out of
my bathroom!

What are you
doing in there?

I was typing.

Couldn't you
read a magazine
like everybody else?

Come on.

Benson, I got to
work somewhere.

What'd you do,
sublet your office?

I can't work in there.
School let out
minutes ago.

Oh, I see. You're
hiding from Katie?

Yeah, she'll never
find me in there.

She will if she asks me.
Pete, get out.

Okay, no big deal.

I can handle
an -year-old.

I'll work at home.

Pete, I thought I told you
to get out of my office.

I tried to.

Katie was out there
waiting for me.

She was wearing
makeup and high heels.

Oh, really?
Where you two
going tonight?

Benson,
I'm in big trouble.

I don't know.
What should I do?

Should I just dump the kid
and hurt her feelings?

Calm down, Pete.

Katie's not
in love with you.

She's in love
with an image of you,

an older, sophisticated
man around town.

You talking about me?
Of course not.

I'm talking about
Katie's image of you.

What's that got to
do with me?

Absolutely nothing,
but it's how Katie sees you.

Well, then, she doesn't
know the real me.

I mean, I'm shallow,
petty, cheap.

Precisely.

Katie thinks you're loyal,
friendly, and kind.

Yeah, but the truth is
I'm sloppy, lazy, boring.

Exactly.

Maybe she should see
that side of you.

You're right.
You're right.

If she knew the real me,

she'd dump me
like a hot potato.

That's great, Benson.
Hey, how can I thank you?

Take your shallow,
petty, cheap, lazy,
boring, silly self

out of my office.

(SINGING OPERA)

That is the
worst duck call
I've ever heard.

What are you doing
in here, anyway?

Well, I was trying to escape
from a meeting with Jerry.

I thought I'd come in here.
What are you doing in here?

I am warming up my voice.

Warming up your voice?

Sounds like you need
a jump start.

The community theater
is having auditions tonight

for The King und I.

You know, of course,
you'll have to shave
your head.

No, dummy.
Arnold is playing
the king.

I'm trying out for the part
of the english tutor

he falls in love with.
(GIGGLES)

If Curly's going
to kiss anybody,
it's going to be me.

A German teaching English
to the Siamese.

I got to get
a ticket to this.

Hey. What's the idea
walking out of my meeting?

I raised my hand
before I left the room.

Look, what's your
problem, anyway, huh?

Ziegler, I don't
have a problem.

I just disagree
with your methods.

I think that the governor
should present himself
the way he is,

talk about
the important issues,
and let the voters decide.

Come on, Benson.

You don't think
those boobs out there

pay any attention
to what's going on, do you?

I mean, what do you
expect them to do,

read about the
issues, huh?

Give me a break.

Nobody reads.

Maybe nobody
you know.

Look, when
Mr. Average American

comes home
from the can factory,

he isn't interested
in thinking.

So you're gonna do
his thinking for him?

That's right.

Look, those people
out there aren't like
you and me.

They don't know
what's good for them.

I mean, Gene Gatling.

He's like an
underarm deodorant.

People don't
really need him, so
we got to sell him,

and I'm the guy
for the job.

Look, you don't have
to like me, Benson,

but you do have
to respect what I do.

No, I don't, either,

'cause I'm one of those
people out there.

You certainly
don't respect me.
You call me a boob.

It's time guys
like you realize

that the average American
is on to guys like you,

and one of these days,
he's gonna stand up

and shove your ideas
right down your throat,

which, as far
as I'm concerned,
is the second choice.

Bravo. Bravo.

Governor Gatling,
uh, listen,

if anything I said
was misinterpreted...

Oh, I didn't
misinterpret anything.

Did you, Benson?

No, sir. It must be
because we read.

Mr. Ziegler,
shall I show you
to the door?

Yeah, right.
Fine, yeah.

Ciao.

Nice speech, Benson.

I wished
Mr. Average American
could have heard it.

Ah, he doesn't
need to hear it, sir.
He already knows it.

Say, Benson,
have you seen Pete?

Did you look
in my bathroom?

Hey, you messin'
with my chick?

Well, if it
isn't loveable Pete.

Hi, Pete.
Hey, babe.

Hey, you got bucks?
I want to get my watch
out of hock.

I don't know
if I have $.

I have to check
my piggy bank.

That's no sweat.
You can give it to me later.

Oh, hey, listen.
Grab me some stuff
for a sandwich.

I want to talk
with Benson here.

Sure, Pete.

So, Benson,
you see the game
this weekend?

That's all I do
on the weekends.

Lay around in my underwear
and watch football.

Doesn't that upset
the other patrons
at the bar?

Don't you ever
listen to music

or go to the museum
or anything?

Hey, I am what I am.

You tell 'em, popeye.

Look, Pete, I know what
you're trying to do.

You're trying to
get me to hate you

'cause you don't
like me and you don't
want to tell me.

That's not true.

I like you.

Then what are
you doing?

Here.

Sit down, Katie.

Katie...

...I'm really flattered
that you find me attractive,

but, believe me,

you're gonna
feel this way
about other guys,

lots of other guys.

It's all part
of the process
of growing up,

and when you grow up,

all those experiences
will help you make
a good choice.

In other words,
you're dumping me.

Oh, no, no,
I wouldn't put
it like that.

It's more like, uh...

Yeah, I guess
that's what I'm doing.

I guess I have to give
the ring back, huh?
What ring?

I brought a
friendship ring

to give to you
to give to me.

Well, if it's
a friendship ring,
I think it still counts.

Why don't you
give it to me?

Hey, and I'll
give it to you,

and we'll just be
good friends, okay?

Okay.
Okay.

Hey, I'll tell you
something, Katie.

When you do choose,
whoever the guy is,

he's gonna be real lucky.

I'll see you
tomorrow, okay?
Yeah.

Okay.

Good morning, Kraus.
(SCOFFS)

How'd the audition
for King and I
go last night?

It was horrible.

Oh, they let
you sing, huh?

Their piano player
kept playing notes
I wasn't singing.

Of course,
the piano is a very
limited instrument.

It's only got keys
to choose from.

I tried to explain
the situation to the director.

You mean you blamed it
on the piano player.

Ja.

And the director said
it wasn't the piano player.

Ja.

And you told the director
to put it on a sock.

Exactly.

How did you
figure that out?

(IN SINGSONG VOICE)
Getting to know you...