you for a moment?
Yes, sir?
Why is there a hole
in my newspaper?
Because you told
me to clip articles
for the files.
After I read the paper.
I usually do,
but I got in
early this morning.
Hmm. Was it
anything important?
No. I just had to take my
dog to Hacienda De Pets.
I meant, was the
article important?
It had to be important,
or I wouldn't have cut it out.
Would I?
Why don't you bring it in,
and we'll decide together?
Sure. Okay.
Oh, can I just
see the hole?
Benson, I've got
great news for you.
If it's on page ,
I'm all ears.
Oh, it's better.
Remember that $
I borrowed from you?
Oh, yeah, that $
that you never paid back.
Never say never.
Here it is, pal.
Well, as I live
and breathe.
Pete, I love large bills,
but do you have
anything in green?
Benson, that's a valuable
piece of paper.
Thanks to me, you
are now the proud owner
of shares of stock in
Orbiflight Universal Products.
You bought stock
with my bucks?
No, I bought a new
transmission for my car.
But that stock right there,
it's worth more than $.
Well, it will be.
"Will be?"
Oh, sure. Orbiflight's
a growing company.
How much is this
hunk of paper worth?
Eh, it's in the
neighborhood of $,
but it's moving
all the time.
Hopefully to
a $ neighborhood.
Benson, we're talking
Orbiflight Universal Products.
We're talking
high technology.
We're talking innovation,
ingenuity, the future.
What do these people make?
Rubber balls.
I beg your pardon?
Oh, they run the
gamut, Benson.
Everything from
beach balls to
the little pink things
you throw against the curb.
Hmm. Great.
A stock that bounces.
You could have just given
me one of your checks.
Benson, I think
I found the clipping.
Well, I'll let you two
get back to work.
BENSON: Wait a minute,
there, Pete!
Benson, you've got
a real gold mine there.
So far,
all I got is the shaft.
Yes! This is it!
It matches
the hole perfectly!
"Senator Chapman
seeks new home
for the eucalyptus tree?"
(CHUCKLES)
What happened?
Did it get too big
for his window box?
(LAUGHING) No, Benson.
He wants $,
to find out if eucalyptus
will grow in this state.
Well, he's barking
up the wrong tree.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Well, he'll never
get that money.
Oh, I wish I'd known
that before I cut it
out of the paper.
That makes two of us.
Here, put this stock
somewhere for me.
Right. Want me to
put it in the safe?
For all it's worth,
you can put it
in the cookie jar.
Cookie jar! Right!
Denise, I was just kidding.
File it.
File it! Right!
I didn't know you played
the stock market.
I didn't until Pete
broke his transmission.
Oh, poor guy.
He has such rotten luck.
Yeah, and he loves
to spread it around.
Ah, back again?
Yeah, well, I was
hoping by now you'd have
some fresh coffee ready.
Not quite.
What does that mean?
Not quite fresh?
Or not quite ready?
Not quite coffee.
It never is,
but I'm used to it.
What is this green stuff?
Parsley tea.
Did we run out of coffee?
Everyone has been
drinking too much coffee.
It makes them irritable.
Why did I get
a load of this tea?
Hello, Miss Kraus.
Hi, Benson.
Hello, Governor.
BENSON: Hi, Governor,
there's no coffee.
Oh, that's what
they'd have you believe.
But, Benson,
the warehouses
are full of it.
Miss Kraus,
there's no coffee.
Would you like a cup
of parsley tea?
Why would I want that?
You can dye
easter eggs in it.
No, thank you, Miss Kraus.
I'll wait for the coffee.
Well, if no one likes
my parsley tea,
I guess
there's no point in making
my whole-grain kugel.
No, Miss Kraus.
You sure don't have
to make none for me.
Uh, Governor, did you hear
about Senator Chapman's bill?
You mean about
the eucalyptus trees?
Yeah. That guy shouldn't be
in the senate.
He should be
in "Doonesbury."
Benson, I know it sounds like
a joke, but it isn't.
It's not gonna pass,
is it?
It might. Listen, you and I
ought to talk about this.
Why don't you meet me
in my office at
Fine, sir.
I'll see you then.
Hi, Denise.
I hope you like parsley tea.
Isn't he wonderful?
Yeah. Remind me at :,
I have a meeting
with Mr. Wonderful.
And send out
for some coffee.
Right!
You don't have
to send out for coffee.
I'll make coffee.
Did the Governor say
we have parsley tea?
Ja. You want to
make something of it?
I love parsley tea.
You do?
How do you feel
about whole-grain kugel?
Is he the guy
in Catcher in the Rye ?
Never mind.
Miss Kraus, the Governor tells
me you're serving parsley tea.
Ah, tea...
What a civilized custom.
Do you mind
if I join you, ladies?
Sure, Clayton.
Park your carcass.
That's a charming
turn of phrase.
(CLEARS THROAT)
What have we here?
Oh, that's Benson's stock,
Clayton.
I don't think
you should be looking at it.
Benson owns stock?
Oh, I only know about
these shares.
whole shares?
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, be still, my heart.
It's probably
some junk stock.
It is not!
He said it had something
to do with transmissions.
What is the name
of Benson's stock?
Why would you care?
Because Benson doesn't gamble
with his money.
If he owns stock,
it must be a sure thing.
(CHUCKLING)
Oh, please.
It's ridiculous
to assume that Benson
has the financial acumen
to recognize
a sure thing. (CHUCKLES)
Unless, of course,
as budget director,
he unwittingly
found himself privy
to some inside information.
Denise, what is
the name of that stock?
I don't think
I should tell you.
I'm pretty sure that's
confidential, you know,
between a boss
and his secretary.
Oh, of course.
Can't you at least
give us a hint?
Now, now, Miss Kraus,
you heard what Denise said.
Besides, I'm sure
she doesn't even know.
Yes, I do.
Now, Denise,
it's perfectly understandable
that Benson doesn't
tell you everything.
He didn't have to tell me.
It's right here.
Orbiflight Universal Products.
Clayton!
That was not nice!
But it worked.
No wonder
Benson called you a...
Never mind.
It's confidential.
Orbiflight...
Transmission...hmm.
This company must
have something to do
with satellite communication.
Satellites?
Of course. The whole
cable television industry
is on the verge
of moving into this state.
And Benson was
at those hearings.
So he did latch on
to a sure thing.
Maybe we should invest
in Benson's stock.
Uh, Miss Kraus, I really don't
think we should discuss it.
Benson could get into trouble,
taking advantage
of information
not available
to the general public.
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
Ja.
We should absolutely
forget all about it
forever und forever.
Exactly.
Orbiflight...
Orbiflight...
(DOOR OPENS)
Ah, Benson, here you are.
The Governor will
be right with us
to discuss
that Chapman proposal.
While we're waiting,
we can, uh, take these
few moments to have a chat.
Chat about what?
Oh, nothing specific,
just things we have in common.
Okay.
That was fun. What next?
Benson, I'm sure
you realize that,
because of my background
and vast experience,
I could be of considerable
value to you in the market.
Great. Next time you're out,
pick up a loaf of bread,
a quart of milk,
and a couple
of nice lamb chops.
I understand completely.
Sometimes it is
infinitely wiser
that certain conversations
never take place.
This is one of them.
But you wouldn't advise me
against calling my broker.
It's your dime.
I'm sorry I'm late.
Well, you didn't miss much.
Good. I'll have
to make this short.
I'm due at the capitol
right now.
I asked Clayton
to join us, Benson,
because he's been
working with me
on this low-income
housing bill.
What's that got to do
with eucalyptus trees?
Unfortunately,
the two are tied together.
We're providing
low-income tree houses?
They are politically tied,
Benson.
See, I've been working on
this bill for two years,
and the state
really needs the housing.
I don't understand
what it's got to do
with eucalyptus trees.
(CHUCKLING))
To put it simply, Benson,
if we oppose Chapman,
he has the power
to k*ll the housing bill.
And he will.
Well, that sounds to me
like he's taking advantage
of the situation.
That's politics.
Smells like blackmail.
I don't like it any better
than you do, Benson.
But it's the price
I have to pay to get
the housing bill passed.
Unofficially,
I hope Senator Chapman
has to eat
those eucalyptus trees.
See you later.
Well, good meeting.
(CHUCKLING)
I think I'd better call
my broker. (CHUCKLES)
You know what they say,
buy low, sell high,
catch it on the upswing,
get in on the ground floor.
Clayton, you really
could have a future
as a bumper sticker.
Look, your stock
went up four points.
Oh! That's good!
Well, it depends whether
you're bearish or bullish.
I'm German.
No, Miss Kraus.
Bulls think
the market will go up,
and bears think
the market will go down.
Who cares what
a bunch of animals think?
I might as well
ask a chicken.
I'm just telling you what my
social studies teacher said.
See you later!
Okay, liebchen.
Good morning.
Good morning, Clayton.
Katie und I were just
discussing the stock market.
You know,
the bulls and the bears.
Miss Kraus, I certainly hope
you didn't mention Orbiflight.
I specifically told you
to keep that information
confidential.
I can keep a secret
with the best of them.
Good morning.
Morning!
Hello, Benson!
What's up?
Nothing!
H-how would I know
what is up or down?
I don't care
about those things.
Ask a chicken!
I knew she was strange, but
sometimes even I'm surprised.
BENSON: Clayton, did
the Governor change his mind
about that
eucalyptus study?
Oh, yes and no.
Were those his exact words?
Senator Brown
called yesterday
to ask the governor's help
in opposing Chapman.
I don't know Senator Brown.
He's against
the eucalyptus trees.
But I like Senator Brown.
What'd the Governor tell him?
A story.
You know the one
about losing his harmonica
at the chili festival?
No, but does it end with
the governor opposing Chapman?
Benson, the Governor
has already told you,
he cannot take
an official position.
Besides, there
are many practical uses
for eucalyptus.
Cough medicine, flea collars,
protection for citrus trees.
We don't have
any citrus trees.
How could we, with no
eucalyptus to protect them?
Let 'em buy g*ns,
like everybody else.
Oh, Benson...
Overreacting, as usual.
This study is hardly
a hot political issue.
The people just aren't
that interested.
I seriously doubt they care.
They shouldn't have to.
They pay us to care.
Is he gone?
Yeah.
Considering our stock
jumped four points,
he certainly is testy.
"Our stock?"
So you invested, too.
Of course. I make money
the old-fashioned way.
Ja. You inherit it.
Benson, have you got a moment?
I have a problem.
Perhaps you should discuss it
with your minister.
Actually,
we have a problem.
What is it this time?
The senate finance committee
wants $, cut
from the school
lunch budget.
Ah, so that's how
they're gonna pay
for those eucalyptus trees.
Oh, here we go again.
Eucalyptus, eucalyptus.
Benson, one thing has nothing
to do with the other.
It's the same amount
of money, and you can
only spend it once.
You act like
it's your money.
It is. Some of it, and
I'm responsible for all of it.
We've got to put a stop
to this thing.
Now, wait a minute, Benson.
May I remind you what
the Governor said?
If anyone
in this administration
crosses Chapman,
the housing bill is dead.
Now, forget about it.
Eucalyptus, eucalyptus...
Denise, will you
come in here for a moment?
And bring the phone directory.
DENISE: Okay.
Here it is.
What do you need?
Uh, Senator Brown's number.
His office number
or his private number?
Private would be better.
-.
Do you know Senator Brown?
No, I just memorized
all the Senators' numbers.
The entire senate?
There's only of 'em.
Give it to me again.
-.
Also, get me a list
of the community leaders
in Chapman's district.
Okay.
And, Denise, keep this
between you and me, okay?
Yes, sir. (CHUCKLING)
Close the door.
Yes, sir.
Ah, Senator Brown.
This is Benson Dubois.
Yes, sir, I'd like
to speak to you about
Senator Chapman's bill.
No, I'm not calling
on behalf of the Governor.
I'm calling
as a concerned citizen.
I have a plan to defeat
this eucalyptus thing.
That's right, Mr. Jenkins.
The vote on the eucalyptus
proposal is this afternoon,
and we would appreciate
any support you can give us.
No, thank you, sir.
Everyone I called agreed
to send protest telegrams
to Senator Chapman.
Good.
All except one group,
The laughing cobras.
They wanna stage
a motorcycle rally.
Well, if the Laughing Cobras
wanna stage
a motorcycle rally,
who are we to say no?
(CHUCKLING)
That's what they said.
Ooh! I almost forgot.
Monsignor Ryan is on line two.
Thanks. Why don't you start
calling people on this list?
Okay.
Ah, Monsignor Ryan.
Listen, I wanted to
talk to you about, uh...
No starch in the collars, and
I'll pick 'em up on Monday.
Hi, Governor!
What can I do for you?
Do you know Senator Brown?
Brown? Brown?
Hmm. Boy.
Senator, right?
Right.
He's opposing Chapman
on this eucalyptus study.
Well, shut my mouth!
And he seems
to be pretty effective.
That's nice.
Nice? For Senator Brown,
that is amazing.
I mean, he's always been
well-intentioned,
but he's never been able
to follow through.
I figure that there's somebody
behind the scenes
who's running things
for him.
Oh?
I don't have any idea
who it could be.
Oh!
But I'd sure
like to find out.
Uh-oh.
Anyhow, I know how you feel
about the eucalyptus study,
and I thought
you'd be glad to hear
that Senator Brown
is making headway.
Well, that's just great.
I sure would like
to know who's behind it.
Clayton Endicott here.
Give me Mr. Harding, please.
Hey, Clayton,
where's the Governor?
Ep-up-up-up-up-up!
Yes,
it's Clayton Endicott.
I need a quote
on Orbiflight Universal.
Orbiflight?
Yes, I'm aware
you gave it to me an hour ago,
but when a stock
is rising this quickly,
I like to keep track of it.
Thank you. I'll wait.
Orbiflight's going up?
Hmm. points since Monday.
You're kidding me!
points, that's...
T-hat means my shares
are worth $!
Does Benson know?
Peter, I purposely
did not discuss Orbiflight
with Benson.
Great. Then I still
have a chance.
Yes? No. no, no, no!
(DOOR CLOSES)
You cannot put me on hold.
I have already been on hold.
Uh! Ye... Do you realize
who you're speaking to?
Well, this happens to be
Clayton Endicott III,
the Governor's Chief of...
Hello?
Ja, Elsa.
Orbiflight Universal.
You're talking to
a regular tycoon.
Of course I'll still
be your friend.
I'll even teach you about
the bulls und the bears.
Oh! (LAUGHS)
No, no, Elsa.
That's the birds und the bees.
Yes. Yes. The latest quote
on Orbiflight is...
What? Down? How many points?
Nah! No, no, no, no, no.
You've obviously made
a mistake.
I said Orbiflight.
Yes, I'm still here. I just
don't feel like talking.
Well, Senator Brown
will know soon enough.
At least we tried. Yup.
All we can do now
is wait for the vote.
Good luck to you, Sir.
Benson.
Glad I caught you.
Pete, I'm late for a meeting.
Right. L-listen,
remember that bucks
I borrowed from you?
Yeah, the bucks you
paid back with rubber balls.
Right, right, right. Well,
you know, I thought about it,
and I decided
it really wasn't fair.
So I'll take the stock
off your hands.
Fine.
Really?
Yeah, just give me
the bucks.
What kind of deal
do you call that?
Cash.
Benson, I-I'm trying
to do you a favor here.
Now, w-what do you say?
Why are you so anxious
to have the stock back?
Do I seem anxious?
(CHUCKLING) No, Benson,
I'm not really anxious. No.
I guess I'm just sentimental.
I feel the same way
about my money.
I see the cash,
you'll see the stock. Goodbye.
Boy, you really drive
a hard bargain.
Ah, Benson, you're back.
Listen, uh,
I have good news for you
about
that eucalyptus study.
The senate defeated it?
No. They never voted.
Senator Chapman pulled
his proposal from the floor.
He backed off on his own?
No. Senator Brown put together
a coalition of voters
from Chapman's district,
and they convinced him
we didn't need
eucalyptus trees.
Well, that's a terrific idea.
I wish I'd have thought of it.
No, you don't,
because if you'd thought of it
and word got out,
my housing bill
would be in jeopardy.
I'd be mad as...heck.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Well, all's well
that ends well.
That's exactly
what Stretch Hopkins said.
Used to work for me
down at the mill.
Well, I'm happy to say, sir,
you told me this story before.
Oh, no, no, no.
I told you about Stretch
and the river rat.
This is stretch
and the christmas tree.
Great.
Now he's doing sequels.
See, this was
the year we were providing
the White House
christmas tree.
That's quite an honor.
I wouldn't know.
I've never been asked.
Well, anyway, Stretch wasn't
very fond of the Republicans.
And he figured they didn't
deserve a christmas tree.
Well, I suggested
that he express his feelings
at the ballot box,
but stretch took
a more direct approach.
He used a chain saw.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
On the tree, I hope.
Yeah. Yeah.
It put me in a very
awkward position
because, you see,
I still owed the White House
a christmas tree.
Does this story have
a happy ending?
Yes. I didn't fire him.
And, luckily,
we found another tree,
but I made sure
that Stretch never did
anything like that again.
What'd you do, whip him?
No.
I just told him a story.
Governor?
Word to the wise
is sufficient.
I hope so, Benson.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Katie, where is Miss Kraus?
Clayton, you made me
blow foursies.
Katie, my business
is a good deal more important
than a mere child's game.
Not to a mere child.
Katie?
She had to go to
the storeroom for a minute.
Thank you.
Uh, uh, you forgot your toy.
It's not a toy, Clayton,
it's a game.
And I'll be back
to finish it when there
are fewer distractions.
You only get one bounce,
Clayton.
Well, you seem
to be chipper, Benson.
You must have bailed out.
I, on the other hand,
took a bath.
Clayton, why is it,
when I talk to you,
I feel like the only person
at the UN without a headset?
What in the world
are you talking about?
You know perfectly well
what I'm talking about...
Orbiflight Universal Products.
What about Orbiflight?
The bottom fell out.
It's down to cents a share.
Oh, no.
You both own stock
in Orbiflight?
Well, of course,
my , shares can
be written off
as a tax loss
on my trust fund.
But what about
poor Miss Kraus?
You've left her
a miserably tattered
and penniless spinster.
Put it in a sock, Clayton!
Und you owe me bucks.
That's how much I invested
in your rotten stock.
When did it
become my stock?
Your feigned ignorance
is becoming rather tiresome.
$? Is that all
you invested?
Ja. It was Benson's tip.
Und it is obvious, Benson,
you know nothing
about the stock market.
I know enough not
to put my money in it.
Benson, we are fully aware
that you purchased Orbiflight
based on inside information.
Inside information?
Is that what you thought?
That's what Clayton thought.
(CHUCKLING)
And that's why you bought it?
Why do you find that
so amusing?
Because I didn't buy
Orbiflight stock.
Pete gave it to me
to pay back a loan.
I invested in stock
because of Peter?
Talk about a bull market.
Well, hang on to it, Clayton.
It may bounce back.
I suppose.
Satellite communication
is the thing of the future.
Satellite communication?
Yes...Orbiflight's
primary arena.
Clayton, Orbiflight's primary
arena is the playground.
They make rubber balls.
"Orbiflight."
I bought , shares
of rubber balls?
Granddaddy must be
turning over in his urn.
Well, Benson, you ready
to do business?
Peter, I'd like to have
a word with you.
In a minute, Clayton.
I'm about to get
shares of Orbiflight
from Benson for $.
Where'd you get a bucks?
I pawned my television set.
, , , , .
Okay, where's the stock?
In my office.
Great. Let's go.
CLAYTON: Uh, Peter?
Yeah?
As you know, I, too,
own stock in Orbiflight,
Uh, , shares, to be exact,
which I might just be
persuaded to part with.
What a surprise.
Well, uh, yeah.
There's a possibility
we could do business here.
But, uh, I only hocked
a -inch portable.
I'll take an IOU.
We could arrange to have
a small sum deducted
from your weekly salary.
What a guy! And I thought
he was depressed
because the bottom fell out.
Benson!
What, what, wwhat bottom?
Whose bottom?
Orbiflight's stock
is practically worthless.
Oh, my bottom.
Relax, Peter.
You only lost money.
My reputation in the financial
community has been ruined.
People used
to trust my judgment.
Yeah. Now, when
Clayton Endicott talks...
...nobody listens.
Goodnight, Kraus.
Uh, Benson, what do you know
about the bears?
You're still messing around
with that stock market stuff?
No, not the bulls
and the bears,
the Chicago Bears.
I'm trying to learn
something about football.
What, the Bears need
a linebacker?
Arnold is taking me
to a game this weekend,
und I don't want
to look like a dummy.
Then you better go
in disguise.
I just need to know enough
to talk about the game.
Okay, what do you need
to know?
Just tell me everything
that happens after the huddle.
It's a secret,
that's why they huddle.
Why do they kick the ball
to the other team
if they don't
want them to have it,
in the first place!
Goodnight, Kraus.
But, wait a minute,
Benson, I'm serious.
Okay, one more question.
I just want to be able
to give Arnold
a straight answer.
Now, what is a triple option?
Yes, no, and let's wait
till we're married.