03x06 - Stress

[bunniefuu]

Oh, Benson,
it's :.

You had a :
television interview
with Derk Novak.

Traffic was bumper
to bumper on
the expressway.

And you were stuck
in the middle of it?

No, I was the cause.
My car broke down.

Oh, so you finally
decide to grace us
with your presence.

HI, Pete. I'm sorry,
I had car trouble.

Sorry? It took me
three weeks
of begging

to get Novak
to do this interview,

then you don't
even show up.

Pete, I pushed
the car as fast
as I could.

You made me
look like an idiot.

I'll call Novak
and apologize.

I already apologized
for you.

He laughed
in your face.

You mean, he laughed
in your face

and you're pushin' it
off on me.

Why should my face
take the abuse?
I was on time.

Why is this
television equipment
still in my office?

I sold Derk on
doing the interview
later this afternoon.

He'll be in
at about :.

Why didn't he just wait?
He had a hair appointment.

Hair appointment?
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

The guy's a real jerk.

Well, whatever time
he can get back,
I'll be here.

Okay, I'll see you
at about :.

(YELLS)

What is this?

Hi, there.
You got my faucet.

I was using your phone.
I'm sorry.

Who are you?

The plumber.
Vincent Romaine.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That pipe grease
gets all over everything.

Here, use mine.
Thanks, anyway, no.

Is there a problem
with the plumbing?

Only if you want to
run water through it.

There's a leak somewhere.
I'll try to stay
out of your way.

(METAL CLANKING)

(THUDDING)
(MAN GROANING)

Benson, there's something
I got to talk to you about.

Sir, I got stuck
on the expressway.

It'll never happen again.

Excuse me.
I don't mean
to bother you.

I've got to go
to the truck.

It's about that
reapportionment thing.

It's at a standstill.

I can't even get
the various parties
together for a talk.

Why don't you invite them
all to dinner?

Never heard of a politician
yet turning down a free meal.

That's a good idea.
I'll have it on Monday
for lunch.

Oh, it isn't giving
Miss Kraus very much notice.

Oh, she won't mind
at all, sir.

There'll be
about people.

Kraus enjoys a challenge.
The more the merrier.

Oh, well, then,
will you tell her?

Me?

I'd do it, but Senator
Chapman's waiting for me,

and he's already
in a rotten mood.

Then let him tell Kraus.

(CHUCKLES) Don't forget
we have that meeting

with the public-utilities
commission this afternoon.

Is that today?
Yeah. :.

Oh, no.
I promised Pete

that I'd do that
television interview at :.

Denise!
Sir.

I asked you to
remind me the first
thing in the morning

about that public-utilities
commission meeting.

You weren't here first thing
in the morning.

I know. I was on
the expressway
trying to figure out

if I could use my tie
for a fan belt.

Would that work?

Listen. Call Pete
and tell him

I can't do
the interview at :.

Oh. And I have to send
a memo to Kraus.
Oh, I'll get my pad.

Find Pete first.
Oh, okay.

Don't let me bother you.

I'm just coming back
from the truck.

Yeah, nice of you
to keep me informed.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Denise.

Denise, would you
get that, please?

Hello?

No, she's not here.

All right,
I'll take the message.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got it. Good. goodbye.

A guy named
Dwayne called.

Your kung-fu class
is canceled.

Your instructor's
been deported.

Oh, poor Ho Bin Loc.

Where were you?
You told me to find Pete.

Did you?

No, but something else
has come up.

Call the pressroom.
Let me talk to him
when you get him.

Yeah, but I haven't...
(ALARM RINGING)

What's that?
That's what
I'm trying to tell you.

We're having
a fire drill.

Don't anybody panic!

I got a fire extinguisher
in the truck!

Aren't you coming?

Sure, why not?

Maybe I can get
some work done
in the parking lot.

Read me the last thing
I gave you.

"This should be taken
into account

"when considering
utility-rate increases.

"I wonder if there's
any chicken in this
chicken salad."

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

You took down
everything I said?

Yeah, then when I type it,

I take out the stuff that
looks like it doesn't belong.

Stuff like chicken salad?

Yeah, and the part about
the blankety-blank plumber.

Okay, why don't you go
type that up

and let me finish
my lunch?

Did you send that
memo to Kraus about
the luncheon on Monday?

Yes. Oh!
Okay.

(YELLING) No!

I spent four hours
on this chart!

Here, here.

Just let me do it.

Nice work. You got soup
all over everything.

Get that rag out of there.

I didn't get soup
all over everything.

She got soup
all over everything.

I wanted to
clean it up.

You've done
enough already.
Look at this.

My total-population
chart is a noodle
followed by five zeros.

(CRYING)

Gee, you're really
a prince to work for.

Benson, may I
bother you
for a moment?

Is it your turn?

What's all this?

I take baby pictures
in my spare time.

(LAUGHS)

Very good, Benson.

You know, I've always
admired your wit.

And I've always admired

how you can turn on the charm
when you want something.

Uh, may I speak to you
in confidence?

Clayton, I don't have
much time here.

I got chicken-noodle soup
all over my population charts.

This won't take very long.

As you know, the Governor
will soon be choosing

a running mate
for the next election.

So?

So what I am
about to tell you

is strictly
between you and me.

Who was that?

One of our plumbers.
He's fixing my bathroom.

Oh, good.

Well, anyway...
(CLEARS THROAT)

As regards
my candidacy...

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
Your candidacy?

For lieutenant governor,

I'd like to be on that ticket
with Gene Gatling.

Well, why tell me?
Why not tell Gene Gatling?

Because I want you
to suggest the idea.

Let me get this straight.
You want me to support you.

No, not me the person,
me the candidate.

Hmm. Is you the candidate
anything like you the person?

I'm asking you
to do this, Benson,

because the Governor
listens to you.

The Governor listens
to everybody.

Nah, nah, nah.
Don't be coy.

You know he thinks
very highly of you.

Oh, really?
In that case,

maybe I should be
lieutenant governor.

Think about it, Benson.

Now, you don't have
to give me an answer now.

No, no, no. I want to.
Please let me.

Oh, all right.

No.

I don't even know
why I bothered
coming in here.

I'll pursue this
on my own.

If you can't support me,
at least stay out of my way.

I'll stay out of your way
if you'll stay out
of my office.

Oh.

Here.

It's all right, Denise.
I already cleaned it up.

This isn't
to clean your desk.

This is a list
of my complaints.

On a paper towel?

Well, I was in
the ladies' room, crying,

and I decided
to jot them down.

I'll be at my desk
if you care to discuss them.

Hey, are you okay?

Yes.
(VOICE BREAKING)
I'm fine.

Proud of yourself?

You want people
for lunch on Monday

und you wait till
Friday afternoon
to tell me?

What are you
trying to do? k*ll me?

By George,
I think I've stumbled
on to something.

Threatening me
won't help, Benson.

Look, Kraus,
it's the Governor's luncheon,
so go talk to him.

I've got enough
to deal with as it is.

All right, all right.
I'll do it for
the Governor.

But this is the last time.
Absolutely, positively.

I'm a person, too,
you know.

You keep saying that,
but I have yet
to see any proof.

KRAUS: I hear you!

The Governor called.
He's waiting in the car.

You're late for
the public-utilities
commission meeting,

Mr. Dubois.

Oh, Mr. Dubois, is it?

Look, Denise,
you and I will
get along just fine

if you will try to be
a little bit more careful.

By the way, the Governor
wants to add six more to
Monday's guest list.

Tell Kraus.

Hey, Benson,
where are you going?

Novak's on his way
over here.

Pete, I'm sorry.
The interview is off.
I tried to get to you.

You can't do this!
He had his hair done
and everything!

Fine. Take him dancing!

Okay, Denise,
you can file this chart,
noodles and all.

What happened
to my door?

The plumber cracked it
with his toolbox.

The glue is drying.

Hi, Benson.

Hi. What are you doing
down there?

I had a school project
I wanted to show you.

School project?
What are you
all studying,

Guerilla warfare?

No, reptiles.

He's not back here.

Just for the record,

what kind of reptiles
are we talking about here?

A garter snake.
My science teacher
says it's sick.

She gave me permission
to bring it home to die.

(MIMICKING VOICE)
Well, that was very
thoughtful of her.

(NORMAL VOICE)
And you thought
you'd bring it

into my office
without a cage.

What good would a cage do?

It could crawl
right through the bars.

You were a city kid,
right?

Yeah, a tough city kid.

Maybe it crawled
out of here.

Why don't you look
in Denise's office?

Eww, ugh!

You stepped on it.

Well, not on
purpose, Katie.

It's dead!

Well, it didn't have
long to live, anyway.

It was on its last legs.

(VOICE BREAKING)
You k*lled my snake!

Oh, Katie, be reasonable!
It was an accident!

Save it. I'm with her.

I'll flush the deceased.

Well, thanks a lot,
Benson.

For what?
For stabbing me
in the back.

The Governor just
mentioned Attorney
General Hawkins

as a possible
running mate.

You obviously told him
I wasn't qualified
for the job.

Clayton, I know
you won't believe this,

but the Governor and I just
spent two hours together,

and your name didn't
come up once.

Admit it, Benson,
you've been trying
to undermine me

since the first day we met.

I've been trying
to understand you

since the first day we met.

What is this
stupid memo?

Now you want
people
for lunch?

You'll have to take
a number, Kraus.

Clayton is
still working me over.

Benson, what did
you say to Katie
that upset her so?

He probably told her
she wasn't qualified
to be your daughter.

She's in
the kitchen crying!

He's had me in the kitchen
crying all day.

He acts like he
never spilled soup
in his whole life.

And at the hearing,
he snapped at
Commissioner Gordon.

CLAYTON: You can't be serious.
The man is out of touch.

Do you all mind
if I say something?

Well, Benson, Novak
just hung you out to dry.

He told his
television audience

that the reason
the budget is in trouble

is because
you're never
in your office.

He called you
an irresponsible boob.

Well, that's just terrific.

I've got some guy on TV
calling me names,

I got chicken-noodle soup
all over my population charts,

I've got a dead reptile
in the bathroom,

and you people ganging up
on me in my own office!

Well, that's just terrific.
Thank you very much.

Go ahead,
get your kicks,

but you can do it
without me.

Goodbye!

Hi. Working late?

Yeah.

Daddy says
I should talk to you

before you leave
for the weekend.

Katie,
I think I owe you
an apology.

I think you owe me a snake.

Look, all I can say
is I'm sorry.

Me too. I should have kept
the snake in my pocket.

Forget about it, Katie.

You just caught me
at a bad time.

Lately it seems like
any time's a bad time.

Well,
I got a lot
on my mind.

Want to talk about it?

No, no, no.
I think I can handle it.

I'll come over
in the morning,

and we'll go shopping
for a new snake.

Really?
Yeah, really.

Then can we get
snow cones?
You got it.

My treat.

How'd it go with Katie?

Fine, sir.
Get it all worked out?

Uh-huh.

Good. Let's get
the rest worked out.

Everybody's in
the living room.

Governor, I don't know
what you hope to
accomplish by this.

Benson, when the team
isn't playing together,

the coach calls
a meeting.

Just what I needed.
Shoptalk by the gipper.

All right, here we are.

Now let's everybody
sit down.

Well, I certainly have
better things to do
with my Friday evenings

than to stand around
waiting for Benson.

Well, you're lucky
he showed up at all.

Something else I need.
The two stooges.

(LAUGHS
SARCASTICALLY)

To think
I once admired
his wit.

I once admired
his punctuality.

Oh, knock it off.

This is why
we have wars.

Men can't get along
with each other.

Kraus, if you have
something to say,
say it out loud.

Put it in a sock, Benson.

All right, all right.

Now we can all see
that we have a problem.

Now that we've seen it,
can we go home?

Can I say something?
Sure.

As long as we're
discussing problems,

we're out of paper towels
in the ladies' room.

No, Denise,

I mean what happened
with Benson this afternoon.

Ja, he went nuts.

Oh, it's not
just Benson.

We've all been under
a lot of stress,

and we're overreacting.

Working so closely together

can naturally bring on
interpersonal conflicts.

Not to mention fisticuffs.

I've seen it before
when I was in the navy,

and we'd spend long periods
of time at sea.

Are you telling us
we're all seasick?

Would you let
the man finish?

To ease tensions,
we'd have what
we called bull sessions,

sort of group therapy.

No, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

This must be approached

in the spirit of friendship
and complete honesty.

And while we're in this room,
there is no rank.

I'm not the Governor,
I'm just Gene.

Everybody here is equal.

I don't want to be equal,
I want to be free.

Benson, if we all
cooperate now,

this won't take
very long.

Please sit down.

Oh, well.
What are you
going to do?

Well, when I was
in a sorority,

we used
to have
bull sessions.

We'd all sit around
the floor in our jammies.

(MIMICKING VOICE) Good.
I'll go home
and get my booties.

Benson.

Anyway, we'd always
talk about boys.

Well, the other girls did.
I mostly listened.

I heard a lot
of things I still
haven't figured out.

Like what?
Maybe I can explain them.

Oh, this should
be fascinating.

Minnie goes
to Goofy for advice.

All right, all right.
Now, just calm down.

Now, what I want
each of you to do

is to be perfectly honest

about your feelings
for each other.

Say whatever comes
into your mind.

Now, who wants to begin?

I'll start it.

You always do.

Benson has no respect
for how hard my job is.

How does that
make you feel?

Terrible.

He makes me feel like
an incompetent nincompoop.

Benson, would you
care to express

your feelings about
Miss Kraus?

No, she summed it up
pretty well.

See?

Have you ever tried

to understand
Miss Kraus' feelings?

To get inside her head?

I have a fear
of large, empty spaces.

Und that's another thing.
He is always insulting me!

Well, in all fairness,
you insult him, too.

It's sort of a game
you play.

Ja, ja, well, but sometimes
I think he's serious.

Are you, Benson?

Sometimes.

I'd like to say
something here.

A lot of times
people make me
feel neglected,

treated as if
I don't exist.

Oh, I'm sorry, Pete.
What was that?

Forget it.

You know, I, I, I
don't want to
seem ungrateful,

but the concept
of this group coping
with my stress

is causing me
a great deal of stress.

Well, then, why don't
you get out of here

so we can talk
about you?

(LAUGHS) What would be
so unique about that?

I'm sure it wouldn't be
the first time

I've been the target
of your petty,
little snipes.

And if you keep this up,
it won't be the last.

Now we're
getting somewhere.

I don't like these
kind of confrontations.

Can't we just discuss
each other's good points?

Oh, yes. Like these
goodies you laid
on me this morning.

Are we ready?
What does this say?

"Unforgiving, sarcastic,"

and something here
I can't even make out.

Demanding.

Oh, this is "demanding"?

You try writing
with an eyebrow pencil.

I'm just learning to write
with a noodle.

Don't you know
the meaning of the words
"forgive and forget"?

Yeah, come on, Benson.
Lay off her.
Ja.

Who asked you to butt in?

That's rich
coming from someone

who ruined my career
by butting in.

That's it.
Tell it like it is.

I don't have to listen
to any more of this.

Neither do I.

No, wait a minute!
Hold it, hold it.

Nobody
leaves this room

until we're all
friends again.

I don't care
if it takes all night.

Well, Clayton, old buddy,
old bean, old chap.

GOVERNOR: Oh, no!
You don't fool me.

Come on back here.
We're going to
thrash this thing out.

Now, everybody sit down.

All right, now,
who wants to begin?

And then,
when I was a senior
in high school,

Steven Delvechio
borrowed my car

to take somebody else
to the prom.

Come on, Denise.

You've been talking
for minutes.

It's the same thing
over and over again.

Why does everybody treat me
like a space cadet?

Oh, I'm the one they always
think is a space cadet.

You can say that again.

The truth is,
I just work things out

a little differently
than most people.

Well, sometimes you do lose
track of the subject at hand.

I do?

I'm afraid I have
to agree with Clayton, sir.

You do?

About what?

Governor, it's after :
in the morning.

Can't we wrap this up?

All right, now,

we have aired
our grievances.

Now let's say
something nice
about somebody.

Miss Kraus,
you start.

Why me?

You were quick enough
to start the bad stuff.

That was easy.

Miss Kraus,
please, you start.

Say something nice
about Benson.

You better
come back to me.

Well, Pete, you start.

Well, I have
something nice to say.

Oh, good.

It's about Denise.
Oh, really?

I think
you're very sexy.

Oh, Pete.
What a sweet thing
to say.

Would you two
care to be alone?

Okay,
now you say
something.

All right.

Governor,
I enjoy working
with you.

Oh, thank you, Denise.

I have something else.

Benson, I'm proud to be
your secretary,

and if I had known
you had a thing about soup,

I'd have had a sandwich.

That's all right, Denise.

All right,
I'd like to speak.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I realize not everyone
has the eye for perfection
that I have,

and I admit there are times
I allow this to irritate me.

But I do feel that I have
the strength of character

to rise above it,

and in the interest
of harmony, I will.

Did he say something nice
about somebody?

Yeah, himself.

What I'm trying to say

is because of my background
and upbringing,

I've never been
one of the guys.

Well, you're not
one of the girls.

I'm not one of the guys,

because I choose
not to be.

Very early in life,
I grew accustomed

to being an outsider

and this is often
misinterpreted. I...

I don't dislike any of you.

It's just that I'm...

Stuck up.

All right. I'm ready.

Benson,

I am very touched
by the love you
show for Katie.

I think it is a sign of how
you really feel about people.

Why, Miss Kraus,
what a lovely thought.

Well, I guess
that leaves me.

Stumped, Benson?

No, no, not really.

I think the fact

that we can all sit down
like this for six hours

and work out our problems

shows how much we all care
about getting the job done.

And if sometimes I'm
a little bit too sarcastic,

it's only because
that's my way

of handling
my own insecurities.

Like Clayton says,
we're all different,

but the fact that we can
come together despite
our differences

and respect each other

makes me proud
to be one of you.

Well, folks,
I don't know...

Seems to me
we've come

to a little more
understanding
of each other,

and I don't know how you feel,
but I feel pretty good.

I'd feel better
at home.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

You know what
we should all do now?
What?

Hug each other.

Oh, come on, Denise.

No, I think
she's right.

Let's move these
tables back

and form two lines
here like this.

Now, everybody
hug the person
across from them.

All right, all right.

Uh, Pete, uh...

That's it, that's it.

All right,
Miss Kraus.

Now, everybody
move down one...
And hug.

Get it over with, Pete.

All right.

And everybody
move down one
and hug.

Oh, Pete.

Everybody move down one.

Benson, Clayton.

Couldn't we
just shake hands?

Nobody leaves this room
until you two hug.

All right.

Let's get it over with.

Okay.

Who you callin'?
Taxi.

I'll take you home.
Oh, great.

Hey, maybe,
we should hug
one more time.

Pete, the session
is over.

She's crazy about me.

Well, I'm going
to bed.

I'm all worn out.

And I bet it's hard
to get replacement parts.

I'm sorry, Governor,
I couldn't resist.

He was only kidding,
Miss Kraus.

He meant it
affectionately.

Ja. Well,
I love him, too.

Thank you, guys,
for your cooperation.

I think the evening
was very valuable.

Good night.
Have a good weekend.

CLAYTON: Good night, sir.
BENSON: Good night.

Well, I'm glad that's
over with.

Me too.
It wasn't that bad.

You know,
for the first time,

I saw the human
being in you.

Oh?

This human being,

do you think
you could support him

for lieutenant governor?

Maybe. If I ever
see him again.

Good night.

Ah, Clayton?
Yes?

I was only serious.