02x08 - In High Places

[bunniefuu]

[OPENING THEME PLAYING]

Oh, yeah, Kraus, did I tell you,

while I'm in Albuquerque,

the men are coming to insulate the attic?

Someone should insulate your attic.

You told me three times.

What are you so nervous about?

Well, I'm not nervous. I got a lot on my mind.

Sure wish I didn't have to go to that solar-energy conference.

A lot on your mind.

Any idiot could set up a hospitality suite.

Then why ain't you doing it?

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

Well, I ain't carrying them for you.

Not the luggage.

I hate thinking about flying.

I hate waiting to fly.

I hate flying.

And you know what I hate worse than flying?

Falling.

Why can't we take the train?

Well, I'd be happy if we could take a scheduled airline

instead of a charter.

Well, Benson, maybe that's what you're

so nervous about. Flying.

I'm not nervous.

No, you're scared stiff.

I love to fly.

I really don't want to talk about flying.

I think I'll wait in the car.

I used to date a pilot.

He did all sorts of dangerous stunts.

Besides dating you?

Sometimes I think I was born to fly.

I almost wish I had wings.

I do, too. Then maybe

you'd have something to flap besides your beak.

Well, we're off.

Goodbye, sweetheart. See you in a week. Bye, Daddy.

Miss Kraus, if there are any problems,

call me in Albuquerque. KRAUS: Ja, ja.

And when my ex-wife calls...

I know. The check's in the mail.

Right.

Benson, have you seen the Governor?

Distinguished-looking man, always wears a suit around the house?

Katie, where is Daddy?

I don't know where yours is,

but mine's out in the car.

Well, so long, sugar.

Bye, Benson. Have a good time.

[IMITATING HUMPHREY BOGART] Here's looking at you, kid.

Benson, aren't you going to say goodbye?

Are you gonna be here when I get back? Of course.

Then what's the point?

What are you two doing buckled in already?

Oh, nervous.

Oh, I understand.

I was nervous, too, the first time I ever flew.

Did I ever tell you that story?

Do you suppose he waited until we got buckled in?

Sir, we, uh, really should get busy with this speech.

In just a minute, Clayton.

I was telling the story of the first flight.

Do you want to hear it?

The Wright Brothers, Kitty Hawk, . I've heard it, sir.

I'll be waiting.

Well, anyway, we were all in the plane, see.

It was my first time.

Oh, boy, was I nervous.

But everything turned out all right, huh?

Well, it would have if we hadn't

run into that chain link fence.

Chain link fence? Chain link fence?

At the end of the runway.

[SIGHS] This story isn't

cheering me up.

Was anybody hurt?

Only the pigs.

Don't look at me. I ain't asking him.

Pigs?

The plane came to rest in a pigsty. [LAUGHS]

But fortunately, everybody was safe.

By the hair of their chinny-chin-chins.

Buckle up, folks. We're about to take off.

Watch out for the pigs!

Benson, how do you suppose those wings stay on

with those heavy motors stuck in 'em?

Thanks for bringing that up, Marcy.

That's one I haven't thought of.

Now, look here.

Flying works.

It's been proven over and over again.

There are laws that govern it.

It makes absolutely logical sense...

If you're a physics major.

But I'm not.

I'm a perfectly normal person

who knows you cannot keep six tons of steel in the air.

[ENGINE SPUTTERS]

I think they're gonna try it anyway.

Do you want to hear something funny?

My initial response is "no."

Guess what's happening in Albuquerque,

the home of the solar-energy conference?

It's raining.

That's a good guess, Benson.

This is a great plane, isn't it?

So far.

Did I ever tell you I took flying lessons?

Really? When?

Thanks, Marcy.

Oh, it was a few years ago.

I could have been first in my class,

but something got in the way.

Are there pigs in this story?

Oh, no, no.

See, I never finished my lesson

because I decided to run for Governor.

At least I got that off the ground!

[LAUGHING] Shouldn't you be buckled in?

Oh, right.

Marcy, what are you doing?

I was practicing my crash position. What?

Well, It's all here on this

emergency card. Do you want to read it?

Not if it tells me to tuck my head between my legs

and die with my face in a pillow.

This is important stuff, Benson.

Now, did you know this?

"In the unlikely event

"that we should be required to land in water,

"do not panic,

"as this craft will stay afloat for several minutes."

Exactly how long is several?

[MAN GROANS]

That's coming from the cockpit.

I don't like the sound of that.

Nothing to worry about.

We're on a*t*matic pilot.

I think I have a little indigestion.

Oh!

Oh, my heavens! What's the matter?

It's okay, I'll be all right.

Somebody better tell the co-pilot about this.

That's a good idea, Benson.

Unfortunately, we don't have one.

There is no co-pilot? Then who's flying the plane?

Well, as the pilot said, it's on a*t*matic.

Is that a nice way of saying that

nobody's flying this plane?

Oh, my God.

We're all going to die.

We're gonna crash! We're gonna die!

Benson, if you slap me, I'll slap you back.

All right, but get control of yourself.

This is no time to panic.

I'll take over the controls.

Now you can panic.

What are you doing? I thought we were on a*t*matic pilot.

Oh, that's okay for now, but if we hit an air pocket...

[IMITATES PLANE ENGINE]

Shouldn't you keep both hands on the wheel?

This is a lot bigger plane than I'm used to.

But you do know what you're doing?

Actually, this will be the first real plane I've flown.

You said you took lessons.

In a simulator.

This is the first time I've flown

over four feet off the ground.

Did we pass the Rockies yet?

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure where we are.

Nothing out there looks familiar.

There should be some aerial maps in that pocket over there.

BENSON: I don't know how to read these things.

Oh, I think I can.

You take the wheel while I look at the maps.

Say what?

It's okay, Benson.

You just keep her steady as you go.

These wheels are synchronized,

so we have to be careful what we do.

You put your right hand on your wheel

while I take my right hand off and reach for the map.

Ready?

Go.

Now the same with the left hand.

Except, of course, that I won't be reaching for the map.

Ready?

Go.

Good.

Now you're flying the plane.

Relax, Benson, we're perfectly safe

as long as she stays in the air.

I hope we got enough gas to grow old gracefully.

Oh, the pilot's in bad shape.

I guess the...

Oh, my God!

Benson's flying the plane!

You mustn't take that personally, Benson. [CHUCKLES]

Are you kidding? Those are my sentiments exactly.

Did you find us on the map yet?

You know what the trouble with maps is?

Unless you know where you are,

you can't figure out where you're going.

Maybe I should try to get somebody on the radio.

I wish I knew how.

Why don't you take the wheel, and I'll

try to find the radio?

Ready, get set...

Just take the wheel.

This baby is a lot easier to fly than that simulator.

Any luck with the radio?

BENSON: Any one of these dials could be the radio.

How about that knob?

Oh, yeah.

The one marked "radio."

I hope it's the right frequency.

Well, let's turn it on and find out.

Let's just assume it's the right frequency and start talking.

Help!

Help! We're up here!

Somebody come up and rescue us

before we're splattered all over the countryside!

Help!

Hello? Help!

Help!

I don't think it's a good idea

to broadcast your distress signal into the cabin.

You're scaring the hell out of us back there.

You're scared?

I could end up being the first

black on Mount Rushmore.

Help!

I hate to bother you,

but your left turn signal's on.

That isn't the left turn signal, Marcy.

That's the low-fuel warning light.

I was a lot happier when it was the left turn signal.

Oh, don't worry. We have a reserve t*nk...

[MARCY SIGHS]

If I could just remember where that switch is.

Help! Help!

Anybody out there?

I can't raise anybody on this radio.

Just keep trying different frequencies, Benson.

Governor, are you writing a farewell address?

No, I'm trying to figure our fuel-consumption rate.

That'll tell us how long this reserve t*nk

will keep us in the air.

I hope the pilot's feeling better.

So do I.

I was absent the day we studied landings.

Well, there it is. How much time we got?

According to my figures, we've got enough fuel

for either an hour and minutes or six weeks.

I guess six weeks is too much to hope for.

Afraid so.

But what if the pilot's not feeling any better

before we run out of gas?

I'll just have to try to land this baby myself.

I hope we're near an airport.

I hope we're right-side up.

I hope you're kidding.

TV HOST: Mathovich crosses the blue line with the buck check

by Le Claire and there goes a fight!

Hit 'em with your stick! Hit 'em with your stick! [CHEERING ON TV]

Hi, Miss Kraus!

Hello, Liebling.

What're you watching?

The hockey game.

Doesn't that guy have any teeth?

He keeps them in his locker.

I'll go turn off my record player and watch with you.

Okay.

TV COMMENTATOR: There still are bloody noses

but it looks like they've stopped the fight.

Eh.

REPORTER: ...out to the Municipal Airport with this live mini-cam report.

This is Bill Kent at Municipal Airport,

where we have just learned that a private plane carrying

Governor Gene Gatling

is missing on a flight to Albuquerque.

Officials here fear the worst.

Oh, no! Oh, please, God.

BILL KENT: Mr. Dibilevski, you've indicated to us

that your last contact with the Governor's plane

was at : p.m.

Miss Kraus, you know what I'd really like for dinner tonight?

[STUTTERING] What was that, Liebling?

I was telling you what I wanted for dinner.

But aren't we gonna watch TV?

Uh, there's nothing on but hockey.

What's the matter, Miss Kraus?

Nothing... Nothing, Liebling.

Let's, uh... Let's you and I go out for dinner.

But we can't. Daddy's supposed to be calling.

Oh, ja.

Ja,I forgot.

Benson, I need to talk to you.

What is it, Marcy?

Well, Benson...

[MOUTHING]

Uh, Governor, I...

It's all right, Benson.

Everything's under control.

I'll be right back.

I'll be here.

Keep 'em flying, ace.

What is it?

Where's the pilot?

He's in the restroom.

Is he feeling better?

He isn't feeling anything. He's dead.

Dead?

Yes.

No. Yes.

I guess it was a heart attack.

Oh, my God.

PETER: He went just like that.

Women always win, Benson.

Pete, not now.

They always win.

If I die before the divorce is final,

Janine gets everything.

[CHUCKLES]

Fate is funny, isn't it, Benson?

Pete, will you pull yourself together?

Benson, if you make it and I don't, do me a favor.

Burn my Cordoba.

Janine doesn't deserve rich Corinthian leather.

Pete, you're gonna make it.

In fact, we're all gonna make it.

All we have to do is establish radio contact

so somebody on the ground can talk the Governor down.

Benson, that sort of thing

only works in Charlton Heston movies.

We're all going to die unless somebody does something.

So what do you suggest we do?

Well, I found three parachutes.

Well, I hate to point this out, but there are six of us.

So three of us get parachutes,

and the rest get floatation cushions.

None of us are leaving this plane.

Well, I plan to jump.

Fine. Leave the parachutes and close the door behind you.

We're getting something on the radio.

MAN ON RADIO: ...restricted airspace under the jurisdiction

of North American air-defense command,

please identify yourself.

Hello! Hello!

This is Governor Gatling's plane.

We're lost, and we don't have a pilot.

Nothing personal, Governor.

MAN ON RADIO: Attention, unidentified aircraft.

You have entered restricted airspace.

Unless you identify yourself,

we will be forced to... [STATIC]

Forced to what? Hello? Hello?

Forced to what?

Calm down, Benson.

Governor, "Forced to" sounds

very much like a threat.

Well, let's turn back and see

if we can pick up that radio signal again.

Hold on, Benson. Gonna make a right turn here.

Okay.

Look out for this jet coming up on your wing.

There's a jet coming up on the wing!

Governor, that's a military jet! I think we're in trouble!

You mean it isn't one of ours?

PILOT: Tango leader, This is tango four.

I have the bogey in my sight.

No, no, no, no! We're not bogeys!

We're Americans!

Hang on, Benson. We're gonna take evasive action.

No, no, they've probably got rockets.

PILOT: This is tango four.

Unidentified aircraft, please identify yourself

on frequency one-niner-niner point seven.

[SQUEALS] I love that kind of talk.

[SQUEALS]

I repeat,

please identify on frequency one-niner-niner point seven.

I'm going as fast as I can!

Roger, unidentified. I read you now.

Please identify.

[SIGHS]

This is Governor Gatling's plane!

That's where you are!

Everybody's been looking for you guys.

Welcome to the Nevada nuclear test range.

Nuclear test range?

I hope we're not interrupting anything.

PILOT: What's your current situation?

The pilot's dead, an amateur's flying the plane,

and we don't know how to land.

Any suggestions?

Are you a religious man?

I see. I see.

Ja, ja,it's terrible.

Well, thank you for telling me.

What's the matter, Miss Kraus?

Uh, Katie, I...

I have something very difficult to tell you.

Katie, um...

Earlier I fibbed when I told why your father didn't call.

The truth is,

the pilot of the plane is very, very sick.

And, um, your father is flying the airplane now.

They are on their way to an airport in Las Vegas.

He has to try undland the plane.

Are they gonna be all right?

Katie, I don't know.

[BREATH TREMBLING] I'm scared, Miss Kraus.

Yeah, me, too.

Oh, you're still here, Clayton? I thought you left.

Benson, do you realize we are being followed

by two sinister-looking planes?

They're not following us.

They're escorting us to Las Vegas. We're gonna land there.

The Governor can't land this plane.

It's just not fair.

I've waited all my life for someone like Dan.

Now I'm not even gonna get the chance to tell him.

Well, isn't that just the way of life?

One day you fall in love,

and the next day you're in a plane wreck.

Marcy, don't think that way.

We'll make it.

You'll see Dan again.

Oh, come on, Benson, face it.

Life has just handed us our pink slip.

I didn't come back here to hear all this moaning and groaning.

I just came back here to tell you to fasten your seatbelts,

extinguish your cigarettes, and bring your trays

to the upright position.

Come on, listen, guys. We're gonna be landing in a few minutes,

and I just wanted you to know

that even though we've had our differences,

you're all very special to me.

Don't worry, Marcy.

He knows we're gonna die.

Oh, shut up!

[STUTTERING] People do not make speeches like that

unless you're gonna die.

Well, I, for one, am not just going to strap myself in

and die like some lemming.

What are you gonna do?

The first thing I'm going to do is get rid of excess weight.

I'm not jumping.

I'm talking about luggage.

No, not that!

If we live, I'm gonna need my makeup case.

Marcy, my life is more important

than pounds of lip gloss and eyeliner.

Now, give me this case!

Throw out your own stuff!

As long as we're gonna die,

I'd like to get something off my chest!

I think you're the most inconsiderate,

self-centered, egotistical boob

I've ever had the misfortune to meet!

Self-centered and egotistical mean the same thing.

Oh, yeah.

[SIGHS]

You know, I just realized

what would be the worst thing about dying.

It's not the things I'd miss, like sunsets and Christmas.

Divorce court.

It's not even the things I'd never get to do...

Like having children.

The worst is the people who are left behind...

Knowing how it'll hurt them.

MAN: Governor, this is Vegas control.

Stay on your current compass heading,

and you'll reach your approach vector in three minutes.

Thank you, Vegas control. [CONTROL KNOB CLICKS OFF]

How's it going, Governor?

I'm thinking positive thoughts, Benson.

PILOT: Governor, This is tango four.

I had to veer off for a minute.

Somebody was throwing luggage at me.

You're on your own now.

Good luck. I'm heading back to base.

Couldn't bear to watch, eh?

Well, Benson, now it's just you and me and the plane.

And the runway.

Listen, Benson,

it's gonna get pretty busy around here in a few minutes,

and I might not get a chance to say this, so...

Thank you.

For what?

For seeing me the way I see me.

I know a lot of people think I'm an airhead

and I don't know what's going on.

You always seem to realize

that when I can't keep up with the small talk,

it's because I'm thinking more important things.

Right now at the very top of my list of priorities

is thank you.

You know what I'm saying? I do.

There, you see what I mean?

Keep your hands on the wheel.

You know what's going through my head right now? Mmm.

All the scrapes I've been in, all the surviving.

I remember one time when I was ,

a g*ng chased me down an alley for my newspaper money.

I talked my way out of that one.

Then when I was in Korea,

I got pinned in a mud-hole for hours.

Shot my way out of that one.

And now I'm up here in this situation.

I sure miss Korea.

MAN: Governor, this is Vegas tower again.

You're on your final approach.

Do you remember everything we discussed

about the landing?

Trim, watch air speed, flaps, pull back on the throttle.

Uh...

There's one more thing.

Oh, landing gear!

He's ready.

MAN: Okay, you ought to be seeing

the runway lights about now.

Oh, there they are over to the left.

I don't think so, Governor.

Tower, please advise.

Does your runway have a neon flamingo?

MAN: Negative. Negative. Bear to your right.

That's the Las Vegas strip.

Okay, we have you on visual.

There's the runway.

Here we go.

MAN: You're looking good.

Looking good.

Steady as she goes.

Steady as she goes.

Level her off.

Level her off. Level her off.

Keep the nose up.

Keep the nose up. Keep the nose up.

A little more flaps.

A little more flaps. A little more flaps.

Ease back on the throttle.

Ease back on the throttle. Ease back on the throttle.

Okay, you're about to touch.

About to touch. About to touch.

[TIRES SCREECH] You're down.

We're down.

We're down. We're down.

We're down!

[LAUGHS]

MAN: Oh! Hit the brakes!

[TIRES SCREECH]

We made it.

We made it!

I can have children!

Clayton, we made it!

[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]

That seems rather obvious.

They did? Oh, wow!

Katie, they made it! Ahh!

They made it! They made it! They made it!

[LAUGHS]

Well, Benson, shall we join the others?

Uh, not yet, Governor. Why not?

Because my knees are shaking so bad I can't stand up.

Oh, I see what you mean.

Benson, as we were landing,

did your whole life flash in front of your eyes?

I don't know.

I had 'em closed.

You too, huh?

Uh, Marcy, these need to be typed.

My, my, my.

Aren't we extravagant.

Another designer original we're wearing?

Well, I'm glad you like it, Clayton.

You're paying for it.

I beg your pardon?

You threw the rest of my clothing

out of the plane, remember?

Marcy...

I am perfectly willing to reimburse you...

Well, thank you.

...if you can provide me with the receipts.

Good news, guys.

Nevada State Police called. They have our luggage.

Terrific! Yeah, and I'm off the hook.

No so fast.

It seems an old prospector was the one who found our luggage.

Well, was it damaged?

No, the luggage survived the fall,

but the prospector wants $ from you, Clayton.

What, as a reward?

No, damages.

Your suitcase bombing k*lled his mule.

[CLOSING THEME PLAYING]