02x01 - Another Disquieting Premonition!
Posted: 05/23/23 08:35
[ISSEI] Eh! Titties!
I'm awake.
Why am I still
seeing lady balls?
The President?
I'm not exactly sure
what's going on, here.
But I might as well
make the most of it.
Issei. Good morning.
Yeah totally
good morning.
Why are you in
bed with me, again?
I'm sorry.
You had gone to sleep
by the time I arrived,
so I decided
to let myself in.
Cool, but that's not the
main issue I've got-boobs.
Oh, I couldn't
help myself;
I felt like sleeping
with you as a hug pillow.
So, this is what
you wanted?
Issei, we've still
got some time.
Do you think something
sexy would help
deepen communication
with my servant?
I am a dude, so, yes,
I think that; absolutely.
[RIAS] Then you
want to come at me?
[RIAS] Don't worry.
I'm willing to do anything
for you as long as
it makes you happy.
[ISSEI]
Anything to make me happy?
So much cool sh*t fits
into one little anything.
Let's do this!
[knock knock]
Oh!
[ASIA] Are you
up yet, Issei?
It's almost time for you to
start your morning training!
[ISSEI] Asia!
Oh, well sh**t;
I completely forgot
about the training.
[ASIA] Issei, can you
hear me? Are you awake?
[ISSEI] Ah, yeah!
I'm up. Just gimmie a sec.
Asia, do you mind
waiting another moment.
Issei and I need to get ready;
we're both still in bed.
Asia, hey, morning!
Sleep okay?
hope you're
doing well today.
[ISSEI] It's not
what it looks like!
Whatever; I'm taking
off my clothes, too!
I swear I'm not gonna
be left out anymore!
It's Five AM!
So up and at 'em,
if you know what I mean, sexy!
So good.
I know you're
technically foreign,
but this tastes
like the real deal!
Well, I've been living
here for a while now.
Either way.
I've never had
anything this good. Yum!
Thank you.
That was sweet.
I have to admit,
Rias, I was surprised
when I found out you
wanted to board here
like Asia is doing.
But, I can't help but love
that you help out with cooking!
Helping you
is only natural, Mother.
Let's not forget
about how much Asia
has been doing with the
cooking and laundry, too.
You are both so appreciated!
Like Rias said, you're
taking care of us,
so it's only natural.
[RIAS] Oh, Mother,
would it be an imposition
for the club members to
come over after school today?
[MOTHER] Sure, that's fine.
What are you
talking about? Here?
The old school
building is having
its annual
spring cleaning,
so the Occult Research
Club won't be able
to meet there
this afternoon.
Having the club meetings
at home seems kind of fun!
I can help host it!
You want me make
sure the tea is ready?
Oh, yes. That would
be wonderful, Asia.
After that BS
went down with Riser,
Rias started being
way nicer to me
than she's ever been before.
But every time that happens,
Asia gets weird about it.
Still though, I can't
help but wonder
what that sexy communication
thing might mean.
[MATSUDA] Hey, Issei, what you
smiling like a bitch for, son?
Dude, what is
your problem?
There are some rather odd
rumors about you lately,
so you might wanna
be more careful.
What rumors?
One, for example,
you're messing around with
super hot ladies and following
the path of certain evil.
[ISSEI] What?
[MATSUDA] Yeah, yeah. For real.
And like, uh, you're using Rias
and that fly ass Akeno's secrets
as blackmail for some
real nasty erotic sh*t, man.
[ISSEI] What?
[MOTOHAMA] On top of that,
you're nothing more
than a villain.
One who has even
turned his perverted eye
to the school mascot,
Koneko Toujou!
It's being said you devoured
her prepubescent body
like a wild beast!
[KATASE] Asia, your hair
is like the prettiest, ever.
[ASIA]
Oh, I don't think so at all.
[MURAYAMA] Shut up. I would
k*ll for blond hair like that.
[KIRYUU] Right?
And, all the boys are
enchanted by your hair, too.
They're enchanted?
[MATSUDA] Besides that,
your bent sexual freakiness
be all up in Asia's business,
and that honey just got here!
[ISSEI] What are
you talking about?
Confession; we're the ones
spreading those rumors!
Huh?
Snap!
If you don't let
us do--you know--
we won't be able to
handle this enviousness!
Yeah, and it may
already be too late, see?
I'm so confused.
[MATSUDA] Chill, brother!
We're not just spreadin'
rumors about girls.
We're also tellin'
people you and Kiba
are gay for each other and sh*t.
[MOTOHAMA]
Did you know some girls
are in to that kind of thing?
Don't f*ck with me!
[KIRYUU] So, the
Three Stooges have given in
to their primal urges and
are talking about sex, now?
[MOTOHAMA] Aika?
[MATSUDA] Kiryuu?
Asia, there are
so many nice boys around.
You don't have
to waste your time
with that jerk
as a boyfriend.
Whaddaya mean
"boyfriend"?
Whaddaya mean
"that jerk"?
Anyway, I'm just helping
her out for a little while
since she's brand new
to this country, okay?
I'm not her
boyfriend at all.
Then why are you
always all over each other?
I mean, the whole school agrees.
There's no way you two
aren't having relations
like every night.
Relations?
What's that?
[ISSEI] Knock
it off, Kiryuu!
We're just
friends! See?
Now, get
that straight!
Uh, so, yeah--I gotta
go do something.
You do? What is it?
Go see Akeno.
Is it your arm again?
Yeah.
[MATSUDA]
What's his problem, yo?
Oh. It's for
the club we're in!
So you're telling
me you guys
seriously aren't
together like at all?
Do what?
Come on, Asia, admit
the truth, you--
Aika, please stop it!
I don't want you to
say that stuff anymore!
Why is it always him?
[door shutting]
Sorry about the wait.
No, I'm sorry I didn't
give you much time.
[AKENO] That's hardly
your fault, Issei.
Now. Let's get
this started.
Sure, whatever you say.
Oh no, what's wrong?
[ISSEI] Nothing.
It's just you're all wet.
[AKENO] I only had time
to grab a quick shower
before the ceremony.
I didn't have time
to dry my body properly.
Is it distracting?
[ISSEI] No, it's totally fine.
If anything, this is
my kind of distraction.
Wait, forget I said anything.
[AKENO] The issue is with
your dragon arm's spirit.
It is far stronger
than any of us expected.
Changing its shape with magic
was only effective temporarily.
Sucking it
from your fingers
is the only way to
clear everything out.
[moans]
Ohh...
[pleasurable moaning
and sucking noises]
[ISSEI thinking] Dude.
If those other clubs knew
what they were missing out on,
those d-bags would
totally flip out.
Best extra-curricular ever.
Occult Research Club
for the win!
Holy crap!
This is like the
sense of touch equivalent
to eating a campfire s'more.
Ddraig, my man.
I'm telling you.
Getting k*lled was the luckiest
thing that ever happened to me!
[climatic moan]
Honestly.
It's just a simple procedure;
you're getting flustered
so easily it just makes me
want to taunt you even more.
[ISSEI] Seriously?
[AKENO] Of course.
Trust me, if you could
see your face right now,
you would totally get it.
I'd be remiss if
I didn't torment you more.
Hey, do your thing.
Guess what?
I have a crush on this cute guy,
but he's totally clueless.
Wait--
It's Matsuda, isn't it?
[ISSEI thinking] Okay, that's
her casabas rubbing all over me.
Jackpot city!
Oh man.
Are you bare down there?
[AKENO] Au naturel is
all part of the ceremony.
[ISSEI] That a fact?
Then I won't
argue with tradition.
[AKENO] But if I make a move
on you, Rias will get jealous.
And we both know what
she's like when she's upset.
For now we had better
stand on ceremony.
[ISSEI thinking] If this is what
Akeno considers
'standing on ceremony'
and 'not making a move',
now I wanna know what she would
do if she really let loose!
[ISSEI moans loudly]
[AKENO] The dragon's
spirit is gone.
You should be fine,
at least for a while.
Oh good;
thanks a lot, Akeno.
[AKENO] Remember your
battle with Phoenix?
Yeah, of course I do.
[AKENO] You got up
time and time again
after being beaten down.
You were the definition
of manliness, Issei.
And then, crashing
the engagement party
like you did to save Rias.
Impressive.
You even managed
to defeat Phoenix,
who was rumored to be immortal.
After I got
to see a gentleman
in such a brilliant fight,
well, I don't know; I feel so--
[moans]
I wonder,
could this be love?
[bells ringing]
We should do this
again sometime.
[RIAS] Well then, let's
begin our regular meeting.
This month's
contract numbers are in.
Akeno, eleven.
[AKENO] That's right.
[RIAS] Koneko, ten.
[KONEKO] Sounds good.
[RIAS] Kiba had eight.
[KIBA] I did.
[RIAS] Three for Asia.
[ASIA] Yay!
No way; that's really
impressive, Asia!
Good for you, lady!
You should be proud of yourself.
Especially
considering
you're brand new
at contracts.
Oh my goodness!
Thank you so much!
And Issei.
[ISSEI]
Huh?
Zero.
Ugh. I'm an
embarrassment.
[RIAS] You know, if you don't
work hard and get contracts,
you'll never become
a high-ranking devil.
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
Next month, I'm gonna do what
it takes to get first place!
[MOTHER] Sorry to intrude, kids.
[ASIA] Oh, welcome to
the meeting, Mother!
Thank you.
Now, this little gathering is
for the insult
research club, right?
She's always so close
yet so very wrong.
[MOTHER]
Well, I brought something
that might inspire everybody!
[ISSEI] Mom!
[MOTHER] So who
wants to see Issei
when he was just a little boy?
[AKENO] Wow;
he's completely naked.
Aw, so small and so adorable!
[KONEKO] The bare-nekkid
truth about Issei's tiny past.
[MOTHER] This picture
is from kindergarten.
And all he's done since then
is chase around after
girls and their bottoms.
[ISSEI thinking]
Someone k*ll me.
Oh no, it's a tiny,
itty, witty, bitty Issei!
I totally
agree with Rias!
Tiny, itty, bitty and cute!
I mean, right;
he's just ridiculous.
It's too much!
Awesome. Why'd
you have to go
and freakin' break
my balls like this, Mom?
She seems like a
great mother to me.
Like you'd know!
Yeah, it must be nice
to have a family.
Wait, are you saying you
don't, like, have a family?
Hey, Issei, this picture.
Huh?
Oh, that kid lived down
the street from me.
We used to play
together all the time.
They had to move once one of
his parents got a job overseas.
Hmmm...
Man, I can't remember
that kid's name.
It's been a while, though!
[KIBA] One more thing.
Do you remember this sword?
[ISSEI] Naw, I mean, you know.
I was five.
I guess anything's
possible, huh?
[bicycle tires rolling]
I have got to get
a contract today.
Forget about Kiba;
even Asia is getting
ahead of me at this point.
Speaking of, what was
Kiba's deal earlier?
It's funny, I never
expected to see it
in a picture with
you. Imagine that.
What do you
mean by that?
This is a Holy Sword.
A what?
Never mind.
It's not a big deal.
Great pictures!
Thanks, man.
[thinknig] What was that about?
Here we are.
[ISSEI] They'll probably
give me the
"What kind of devil rings
the doorbell?" crap again.
What's up?
You're the dude who summoned
the devil, aren't you?
Now, I know this
seems weird, but it's not!
I get how
I should appear.
You know, like bam out of
one of these magic cards
which is a hell of a lot cooler
than ringing the doorbell,
but I'm in transition.
[ISSEI'S CLIENT] Well,
you might as well come in.
What's the problem?
You're still a devil, right?
This place is amazing.
It's weird, though.
He doesn't look like
he's from around here,
so I wonder what he does.
Something to
drink, perhaps?
Oh, no thanks; I'd love to,
but I'm still a minor.
[ISSEI'S CLIENT] Really? Bummer.
I was hoping to have
a partner to drink with.
[ISSEI] So you wanted
a devil to have drinks?
What-- is that bad?
No, it's fine.
The contract will be formed
when I fulfill your request
and receive a fitting
compensation in return.
Unfortunately,
all I have is sake.
You okay with tap water?
[ISSEI] Yeah, sure.
[ISSEI'S CLIENT]
Hahaha!
So your magic is so
weak you have to ride a bike
to go see the people
who've summoned you?
Well, kinda.
[ISSEI'S CLIENT]
That's hilarious.
[thinking] Being laughed at like
this will never not piss me off,
but I don't have much of a
choice if I want that contract.
[ISSEI'S CLIENT] That was fun.
So what would you
like as compensation?
[ISSEI] What? Already?
[ISSEI'S CLIENT]
You're a devil right?
I guess you want my soul.
No, I don't
want your soul.
All I did was have
a drink with you,
so that wouldn't fit
the contract at all.
[ISSEI'S CLIENT] Oh.
That's unexpected.
Yeah, I know,
but regardless my master's
motto is still "honest billing."
Will this suit
your fancy?
It's not a
reproduction.
[ISSEI] Doesn't that
seem kind of expensive?
[ISSEI'S CLIENT] I don't
have anything else
to pay you with
at the moment.
[ISSEI'S CLIENT] If it
won't work, I have my soul.
[ISSEI] It's cool;
the picture's fine.
[ISSEI] That dude
was crazy as hell,
but at least I got
one contract down,
so that's another step
closer to my final goal!
I'm gonna be
Harem King of the world!
Oh, it's Rias.
This looks like the place.
[RIAS] Issei, over here.
[RIAS] I'm sorry I had
to make you come out.
Nah, it's fine.
[ISSEI] There's something
going on inside there, huh?
[KONEKO] No one can miss
the smell of a rogue devil.
[AKENO] No kidding.
We've been given
orders to take it down
before the night is over.
Whatever it is must
be extremely dangerous.
We shouldn't try
to fight it inside.
Asia, you wait at the rear.
Yes, ma'am.
Akeno and I will be
ready and waiting outside.
So Koneko, Kiba, and Issei,
draw the enemy out
where we can take care of it.
Makes sense to me.
Right.
I'm on it. Boosted...
...Gear!
Kiba?
Yeah, right.
Got it.
Well, then
let's roll out!
Come on, guys!
[KIBA] Right.
I wonder what it'll be.
Probably another
crazy ass monster, right?
Nice. Why can't you warn
me when you do that?
Let's go.
Oh, right.
[ISSEI] I can't see
sh*t in this place.
Koneko?
[KONEKO] It's here.
[ISSEI] See, I told you so!
[DDRAIG] Boost!
[KONEKO] Kiba, focus.
What are you doing?
Hey! Kiba!
Sorry.
Bastard!
[DDRAIG] Boost!
[DDRAIG] expl*si*n!
[ISSEI] Dragon sh*t!
Damn it!
I guess I haven't powered
myself up enough yet.
What are you
zoning out for, princess?!
Kiba!
It's time to go.
Akeno.
I'm all over it, Rias!
[RIAS] Wanton devil,
you who ran wild away
from your master to
fulfill your own desires.
For such a crime,
you deserve to die
a thousand times over.
And now, in the name
of the Marquis of Gremory.
You shall pay
with your life.
Time to die!
Hell yeah!
That poor
creature's heart
is completely
lost at this point.
You could barely even
call her a devil anymore.
I don't want to
end up like that.
Now you know
what deserves
an emergency
subduing order.
[ASIA] Koneko,
do you need help?
Yes, please.
[slap]
[RIAS] Think you've
got it together now?
With a mistake like that,
you put everyone
here in serious danger!
[KIBA] I apologize.
What's the matter, Kiba?
This isn't like you.
I'm fine; just
having an off day.
Now, if you will
excuse me, President.
Kiba?
[ISSEI] Kiba! What the hell?
You're acting nutso.
Why would you be so
rude to the President?
It's got nothing
to do with you.
That doesn't mean
I can't be worried.
Worried? Why would
you ever be worried?
[KIBA] Devils are, by
nature, selfish beings.
[ISSEI] I've got not idea
what you're point is here.
[KIBA] Well, for the record,
I do think I was wrong.
Later.
Hold on!
If you're that upset, then
you can talk to me about it.
I mean, we are
friends, aren't we?
Friends, huh? Right.
Issei, I appreciate
your passion.
However,
something's recently
been brought
to my attention.
[ISSEI]
Something like what?
A purpose.
See, I remembered
my reason for living;
that is to say,
the reason I fight.
[ISSEI] I thought you
were fighting for Rias.
[KIBA]
You thought wrong.
All I want is revenge.
[ISSEI] Revenge?
[KIBA] It won't
be much longer now.
I'm going to
destroy Excalibur.
That alone is my purpose.
[RIAS] Holy Swords are the
worst weapons against devils.
Simply touching one
burns a devil's body.
More importantly, to be cut
by a Holy Sword could
mean instant death.
The truth is a Holy Sword
can annihilate a devil.
Wow, okay, that's
kind of intense.
It is.
The fact that
those who can use one
are extraordinarily rare is
the swords' biggest weakness.
The church did
what they could.
They tried to raise
people artificially.
Perhaps they could
wield Excalibur,
then, they could annihilate
devils everywhere.
It's known as the
Holy Sword Project.
Holy Sword Project?
The church must've
kept that super secret
because I never heard anything
about it when I was there.
[RIAS] I would think not.
It's in the past.
I heard the project
failed completely.
[ISSEI] Well, let's hope so.
[RIAS] Kiba barely
survived the project.
[ASIA] Oh, poor Kiba.
[RIAS] What is it?
[ISSEI] I think I know
what freaked him out.
[ISSEI] When Kiba
looked at this,
he said that was a Holy Sword.
It's not nearly as
powerful as Excalibur,
but there's no mistaking it.
Kiba was right.
That is a Holy Sword.
I knew it.
And I'm pretty sure
he only started
getting weird after
seeing this picture.
I don't understand
why would it have been
so close to Issei, though.
Hold on a second!
This kid's family
invited me to go
with them to church
like all the freakin' time.
It was really annoying.
So that's how
it is, then.
I understand why the predecessor
here is gone, but still.
I thought for sure.
For sure what?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Look at how late it is.
C'mon, let's get to bed.
Slow your roll.
Why are you taking off
your clothes in here?
[RIAS] What?
You know I can't sleep
unless I'm completely naked.
No, I mean why--
why are you getting
all naked in my room?
[RIAS] Well, obviously
because I'm gonna
sleep with you, silly.
Then, I'm doing it, too!
Here goes. I'm
sleeping with Issei!
Fair is fair.
I claimed him first;
he's mine tonight!
No way.
It's not fair for you to
keep him all to yourself.
I think I should
be given the chance
to spend the night
with Issei as well!
[ISSEI thinking]
We have reached Titical Mass!
It's a double dose
of dairy-pillows!
Pull it together, you
got two bombs to defuse!
Hey, come on, now.
There's no need to fight. Right?
Fine.
I suppose the decision
will be left to Issei.
Yes, I agree.
All right, Issei.
Which will
you choose?
Too much. Can't choose!
[RIAS] Don't make
me wait, Issei.
[ASIA] I'm ready now.
Please be gentle.
[ASIA] I started
living with Issei first!
I'm getting tired of
always waiting my turn!
[RIAS] Yes you've
been very patient,
so what's one more day?
Let's go, Issei!
[ASIA] I might lose
based on the size
of my chest, but not my heart!
My feelings for Issei
are bigger than anyone's!
[RIAS] Same here!
[XENOVIA] I'd say that
"utter ruins" describes it.
[IRINA] Rumor has it there
was a disturbance here
recently caused by a
fallen angel and a devil.
[XENOVIA] It's getting late.
And you're
certain this is it?
We're supposed to be
meeting him here, correct?
Oh, please, like
I would be wrong.
On top of that,
I lived in this city with
my parents as a kid.
Gimmie a little
credit, okay?
I mean, we are
friends, aren't we?
[KIBA] I apologize, Issei,
but it wouldn't be right
for me to have friends.
I don't deserve that.
Not now.
[MALE PRIEST A]
Please, help me!
A priest?
[FREED] Neener, neener! Yoo-hoo!
It's been a while, hasn't it?
Did you miss me?
It's nice to
see the playboy
of the scum underworld
has come to pay a visit.
[KIBA] So, it's Freed Sellzen.
Have you been hiding
in town this whole time?
[FREED]
Such a wonderful reunion!
It's bringing a
tear to mine eye!
[KIBA] Unfortunately for you,
I'm not in the best mood today.
[FREED] That's perfect;
I need some fun!
These pussified priests
are getting so boring!
[KIBA] No. That light.
That aura. It can't be.
[FREED] Oh, but
it can! Nice timing!
As penance for
your previous actions,
let's have a little test
to see which is stronger.
So tell me what you think.
Will your filthy cursed
sword be the one?
Or do you think it's more likely
the Holy Sword known as
Excalibur will be the victor?
[KIBA] I will never forgive
Excalibur for what it did to me.
[ISSEI] Yo, Issei here!
Damn, two new
hotties hit the scene?
Wait a sec--
Holy swords, seriously?
Aw man, gimme a freakin' break!
Next time:
"The Holy Sword is Here!"
Some boobs'll be here, too!
I'm awake.
Why am I still
seeing lady balls?
The President?
I'm not exactly sure
what's going on, here.
But I might as well
make the most of it.
Issei. Good morning.
Yeah totally
good morning.
Why are you in
bed with me, again?
I'm sorry.
You had gone to sleep
by the time I arrived,
so I decided
to let myself in.
Cool, but that's not the
main issue I've got-boobs.
Oh, I couldn't
help myself;
I felt like sleeping
with you as a hug pillow.
So, this is what
you wanted?
Issei, we've still
got some time.
Do you think something
sexy would help
deepen communication
with my servant?
I am a dude, so, yes,
I think that; absolutely.
[RIAS] Then you
want to come at me?
[RIAS] Don't worry.
I'm willing to do anything
for you as long as
it makes you happy.
[ISSEI]
Anything to make me happy?
So much cool sh*t fits
into one little anything.
Let's do this!
[knock knock]
Oh!
[ASIA] Are you
up yet, Issei?
It's almost time for you to
start your morning training!
[ISSEI] Asia!
Oh, well sh**t;
I completely forgot
about the training.
[ASIA] Issei, can you
hear me? Are you awake?
[ISSEI] Ah, yeah!
I'm up. Just gimmie a sec.
Asia, do you mind
waiting another moment.
Issei and I need to get ready;
we're both still in bed.
Asia, hey, morning!
Sleep okay?
hope you're
doing well today.
[ISSEI] It's not
what it looks like!
Whatever; I'm taking
off my clothes, too!
I swear I'm not gonna
be left out anymore!
It's Five AM!
So up and at 'em,
if you know what I mean, sexy!
So good.
I know you're
technically foreign,
but this tastes
like the real deal!
Well, I've been living
here for a while now.
Either way.
I've never had
anything this good. Yum!
Thank you.
That was sweet.
I have to admit,
Rias, I was surprised
when I found out you
wanted to board here
like Asia is doing.
But, I can't help but love
that you help out with cooking!
Helping you
is only natural, Mother.
Let's not forget
about how much Asia
has been doing with the
cooking and laundry, too.
You are both so appreciated!
Like Rias said, you're
taking care of us,
so it's only natural.
[RIAS] Oh, Mother,
would it be an imposition
for the club members to
come over after school today?
[MOTHER] Sure, that's fine.
What are you
talking about? Here?
The old school
building is having
its annual
spring cleaning,
so the Occult Research
Club won't be able
to meet there
this afternoon.
Having the club meetings
at home seems kind of fun!
I can help host it!
You want me make
sure the tea is ready?
Oh, yes. That would
be wonderful, Asia.
After that BS
went down with Riser,
Rias started being
way nicer to me
than she's ever been before.
But every time that happens,
Asia gets weird about it.
Still though, I can't
help but wonder
what that sexy communication
thing might mean.
[MATSUDA] Hey, Issei, what you
smiling like a bitch for, son?
Dude, what is
your problem?
There are some rather odd
rumors about you lately,
so you might wanna
be more careful.
What rumors?
One, for example,
you're messing around with
super hot ladies and following
the path of certain evil.
[ISSEI] What?
[MATSUDA] Yeah, yeah. For real.
And like, uh, you're using Rias
and that fly ass Akeno's secrets
as blackmail for some
real nasty erotic sh*t, man.
[ISSEI] What?
[MOTOHAMA] On top of that,
you're nothing more
than a villain.
One who has even
turned his perverted eye
to the school mascot,
Koneko Toujou!
It's being said you devoured
her prepubescent body
like a wild beast!
[KATASE] Asia, your hair
is like the prettiest, ever.
[ASIA]
Oh, I don't think so at all.
[MURAYAMA] Shut up. I would
k*ll for blond hair like that.
[KIRYUU] Right?
And, all the boys are
enchanted by your hair, too.
They're enchanted?
[MATSUDA] Besides that,
your bent sexual freakiness
be all up in Asia's business,
and that honey just got here!
[ISSEI] What are
you talking about?
Confession; we're the ones
spreading those rumors!
Huh?
Snap!
If you don't let
us do--you know--
we won't be able to
handle this enviousness!
Yeah, and it may
already be too late, see?
I'm so confused.
[MATSUDA] Chill, brother!
We're not just spreadin'
rumors about girls.
We're also tellin'
people you and Kiba
are gay for each other and sh*t.
[MOTOHAMA]
Did you know some girls
are in to that kind of thing?
Don't f*ck with me!
[KIRYUU] So, the
Three Stooges have given in
to their primal urges and
are talking about sex, now?
[MOTOHAMA] Aika?
[MATSUDA] Kiryuu?
Asia, there are
so many nice boys around.
You don't have
to waste your time
with that jerk
as a boyfriend.
Whaddaya mean
"boyfriend"?
Whaddaya mean
"that jerk"?
Anyway, I'm just helping
her out for a little while
since she's brand new
to this country, okay?
I'm not her
boyfriend at all.
Then why are you
always all over each other?
I mean, the whole school agrees.
There's no way you two
aren't having relations
like every night.
Relations?
What's that?
[ISSEI] Knock
it off, Kiryuu!
We're just
friends! See?
Now, get
that straight!
Uh, so, yeah--I gotta
go do something.
You do? What is it?
Go see Akeno.
Is it your arm again?
Yeah.
[MATSUDA]
What's his problem, yo?
Oh. It's for
the club we're in!
So you're telling
me you guys
seriously aren't
together like at all?
Do what?
Come on, Asia, admit
the truth, you--
Aika, please stop it!
I don't want you to
say that stuff anymore!
Why is it always him?
[door shutting]
Sorry about the wait.
No, I'm sorry I didn't
give you much time.
[AKENO] That's hardly
your fault, Issei.
Now. Let's get
this started.
Sure, whatever you say.
Oh no, what's wrong?
[ISSEI] Nothing.
It's just you're all wet.
[AKENO] I only had time
to grab a quick shower
before the ceremony.
I didn't have time
to dry my body properly.
Is it distracting?
[ISSEI] No, it's totally fine.
If anything, this is
my kind of distraction.
Wait, forget I said anything.
[AKENO] The issue is with
your dragon arm's spirit.
It is far stronger
than any of us expected.
Changing its shape with magic
was only effective temporarily.
Sucking it
from your fingers
is the only way to
clear everything out.
[moans]
Ohh...
[pleasurable moaning
and sucking noises]
[ISSEI thinking] Dude.
If those other clubs knew
what they were missing out on,
those d-bags would
totally flip out.
Best extra-curricular ever.
Occult Research Club
for the win!
Holy crap!
This is like the
sense of touch equivalent
to eating a campfire s'more.
Ddraig, my man.
I'm telling you.
Getting k*lled was the luckiest
thing that ever happened to me!
[climatic moan]
Honestly.
It's just a simple procedure;
you're getting flustered
so easily it just makes me
want to taunt you even more.
[ISSEI] Seriously?
[AKENO] Of course.
Trust me, if you could
see your face right now,
you would totally get it.
I'd be remiss if
I didn't torment you more.
Hey, do your thing.
Guess what?
I have a crush on this cute guy,
but he's totally clueless.
Wait--
It's Matsuda, isn't it?
[ISSEI thinking] Okay, that's
her casabas rubbing all over me.
Jackpot city!
Oh man.
Are you bare down there?
[AKENO] Au naturel is
all part of the ceremony.
[ISSEI] That a fact?
Then I won't
argue with tradition.
[AKENO] But if I make a move
on you, Rias will get jealous.
And we both know what
she's like when she's upset.
For now we had better
stand on ceremony.
[ISSEI thinking] If this is what
Akeno considers
'standing on ceremony'
and 'not making a move',
now I wanna know what she would
do if she really let loose!
[ISSEI moans loudly]
[AKENO] The dragon's
spirit is gone.
You should be fine,
at least for a while.
Oh good;
thanks a lot, Akeno.
[AKENO] Remember your
battle with Phoenix?
Yeah, of course I do.
[AKENO] You got up
time and time again
after being beaten down.
You were the definition
of manliness, Issei.
And then, crashing
the engagement party
like you did to save Rias.
Impressive.
You even managed
to defeat Phoenix,
who was rumored to be immortal.
After I got
to see a gentleman
in such a brilliant fight,
well, I don't know; I feel so--
[moans]
I wonder,
could this be love?
[bells ringing]
We should do this
again sometime.
[RIAS] Well then, let's
begin our regular meeting.
This month's
contract numbers are in.
Akeno, eleven.
[AKENO] That's right.
[RIAS] Koneko, ten.
[KONEKO] Sounds good.
[RIAS] Kiba had eight.
[KIBA] I did.
[RIAS] Three for Asia.
[ASIA] Yay!
No way; that's really
impressive, Asia!
Good for you, lady!
You should be proud of yourself.
Especially
considering
you're brand new
at contracts.
Oh my goodness!
Thank you so much!
And Issei.
[ISSEI]
Huh?
Zero.
Ugh. I'm an
embarrassment.
[RIAS] You know, if you don't
work hard and get contracts,
you'll never become
a high-ranking devil.
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
Next month, I'm gonna do what
it takes to get first place!
[MOTHER] Sorry to intrude, kids.
[ASIA] Oh, welcome to
the meeting, Mother!
Thank you.
Now, this little gathering is
for the insult
research club, right?
She's always so close
yet so very wrong.
[MOTHER]
Well, I brought something
that might inspire everybody!
[ISSEI] Mom!
[MOTHER] So who
wants to see Issei
when he was just a little boy?
[AKENO] Wow;
he's completely naked.
Aw, so small and so adorable!
[KONEKO] The bare-nekkid
truth about Issei's tiny past.
[MOTHER] This picture
is from kindergarten.
And all he's done since then
is chase around after
girls and their bottoms.
[ISSEI thinking]
Someone k*ll me.
Oh no, it's a tiny,
itty, witty, bitty Issei!
I totally
agree with Rias!
Tiny, itty, bitty and cute!
I mean, right;
he's just ridiculous.
It's too much!
Awesome. Why'd
you have to go
and freakin' break
my balls like this, Mom?
She seems like a
great mother to me.
Like you'd know!
Yeah, it must be nice
to have a family.
Wait, are you saying you
don't, like, have a family?
Hey, Issei, this picture.
Huh?
Oh, that kid lived down
the street from me.
We used to play
together all the time.
They had to move once one of
his parents got a job overseas.
Hmmm...
Man, I can't remember
that kid's name.
It's been a while, though!
[KIBA] One more thing.
Do you remember this sword?
[ISSEI] Naw, I mean, you know.
I was five.
I guess anything's
possible, huh?
[bicycle tires rolling]
I have got to get
a contract today.
Forget about Kiba;
even Asia is getting
ahead of me at this point.
Speaking of, what was
Kiba's deal earlier?
It's funny, I never
expected to see it
in a picture with
you. Imagine that.
What do you
mean by that?
This is a Holy Sword.
A what?
Never mind.
It's not a big deal.
Great pictures!
Thanks, man.
[thinknig] What was that about?
Here we are.
[ISSEI] They'll probably
give me the
"What kind of devil rings
the doorbell?" crap again.
What's up?
You're the dude who summoned
the devil, aren't you?
Now, I know this
seems weird, but it's not!
I get how
I should appear.
You know, like bam out of
one of these magic cards
which is a hell of a lot cooler
than ringing the doorbell,
but I'm in transition.
[ISSEI'S CLIENT] Well,
you might as well come in.
What's the problem?
You're still a devil, right?
This place is amazing.
It's weird, though.
He doesn't look like
he's from around here,
so I wonder what he does.
Something to
drink, perhaps?
Oh, no thanks; I'd love to,
but I'm still a minor.
[ISSEI'S CLIENT] Really? Bummer.
I was hoping to have
a partner to drink with.
[ISSEI] So you wanted
a devil to have drinks?
What-- is that bad?
No, it's fine.
The contract will be formed
when I fulfill your request
and receive a fitting
compensation in return.
Unfortunately,
all I have is sake.
You okay with tap water?
[ISSEI] Yeah, sure.
[ISSEI'S CLIENT]
Hahaha!
So your magic is so
weak you have to ride a bike
to go see the people
who've summoned you?
Well, kinda.
[ISSEI'S CLIENT]
That's hilarious.
[thinking] Being laughed at like
this will never not piss me off,
but I don't have much of a
choice if I want that contract.
[ISSEI'S CLIENT] That was fun.
So what would you
like as compensation?
[ISSEI] What? Already?
[ISSEI'S CLIENT]
You're a devil right?
I guess you want my soul.
No, I don't
want your soul.
All I did was have
a drink with you,
so that wouldn't fit
the contract at all.
[ISSEI'S CLIENT] Oh.
That's unexpected.
Yeah, I know,
but regardless my master's
motto is still "honest billing."
Will this suit
your fancy?
It's not a
reproduction.
[ISSEI] Doesn't that
seem kind of expensive?
[ISSEI'S CLIENT] I don't
have anything else
to pay you with
at the moment.
[ISSEI'S CLIENT] If it
won't work, I have my soul.
[ISSEI] It's cool;
the picture's fine.
[ISSEI] That dude
was crazy as hell,
but at least I got
one contract down,
so that's another step
closer to my final goal!
I'm gonna be
Harem King of the world!
Oh, it's Rias.
This looks like the place.
[RIAS] Issei, over here.
[RIAS] I'm sorry I had
to make you come out.
Nah, it's fine.
[ISSEI] There's something
going on inside there, huh?
[KONEKO] No one can miss
the smell of a rogue devil.
[AKENO] No kidding.
We've been given
orders to take it down
before the night is over.
Whatever it is must
be extremely dangerous.
We shouldn't try
to fight it inside.
Asia, you wait at the rear.
Yes, ma'am.
Akeno and I will be
ready and waiting outside.
So Koneko, Kiba, and Issei,
draw the enemy out
where we can take care of it.
Makes sense to me.
Right.
I'm on it. Boosted...
...Gear!
Kiba?
Yeah, right.
Got it.
Well, then
let's roll out!
Come on, guys!
[KIBA] Right.
I wonder what it'll be.
Probably another
crazy ass monster, right?
Nice. Why can't you warn
me when you do that?
Let's go.
Oh, right.
[ISSEI] I can't see
sh*t in this place.
Koneko?
[KONEKO] It's here.
[ISSEI] See, I told you so!
[DDRAIG] Boost!
[KONEKO] Kiba, focus.
What are you doing?
Hey! Kiba!
Sorry.
Bastard!
[DDRAIG] Boost!
[DDRAIG] expl*si*n!
[ISSEI] Dragon sh*t!
Damn it!
I guess I haven't powered
myself up enough yet.
What are you
zoning out for, princess?!
Kiba!
It's time to go.
Akeno.
I'm all over it, Rias!
[RIAS] Wanton devil,
you who ran wild away
from your master to
fulfill your own desires.
For such a crime,
you deserve to die
a thousand times over.
And now, in the name
of the Marquis of Gremory.
You shall pay
with your life.
Time to die!
Hell yeah!
That poor
creature's heart
is completely
lost at this point.
You could barely even
call her a devil anymore.
I don't want to
end up like that.
Now you know
what deserves
an emergency
subduing order.
[ASIA] Koneko,
do you need help?
Yes, please.
[slap]
[RIAS] Think you've
got it together now?
With a mistake like that,
you put everyone
here in serious danger!
[KIBA] I apologize.
What's the matter, Kiba?
This isn't like you.
I'm fine; just
having an off day.
Now, if you will
excuse me, President.
Kiba?
[ISSEI] Kiba! What the hell?
You're acting nutso.
Why would you be so
rude to the President?
It's got nothing
to do with you.
That doesn't mean
I can't be worried.
Worried? Why would
you ever be worried?
[KIBA] Devils are, by
nature, selfish beings.
[ISSEI] I've got not idea
what you're point is here.
[KIBA] Well, for the record,
I do think I was wrong.
Later.
Hold on!
If you're that upset, then
you can talk to me about it.
I mean, we are
friends, aren't we?
Friends, huh? Right.
Issei, I appreciate
your passion.
However,
something's recently
been brought
to my attention.
[ISSEI]
Something like what?
A purpose.
See, I remembered
my reason for living;
that is to say,
the reason I fight.
[ISSEI] I thought you
were fighting for Rias.
[KIBA]
You thought wrong.
All I want is revenge.
[ISSEI] Revenge?
[KIBA] It won't
be much longer now.
I'm going to
destroy Excalibur.
That alone is my purpose.
[RIAS] Holy Swords are the
worst weapons against devils.
Simply touching one
burns a devil's body.
More importantly, to be cut
by a Holy Sword could
mean instant death.
The truth is a Holy Sword
can annihilate a devil.
Wow, okay, that's
kind of intense.
It is.
The fact that
those who can use one
are extraordinarily rare is
the swords' biggest weakness.
The church did
what they could.
They tried to raise
people artificially.
Perhaps they could
wield Excalibur,
then, they could annihilate
devils everywhere.
It's known as the
Holy Sword Project.
Holy Sword Project?
The church must've
kept that super secret
because I never heard anything
about it when I was there.
[RIAS] I would think not.
It's in the past.
I heard the project
failed completely.
[ISSEI] Well, let's hope so.
[RIAS] Kiba barely
survived the project.
[ASIA] Oh, poor Kiba.
[RIAS] What is it?
[ISSEI] I think I know
what freaked him out.
[ISSEI] When Kiba
looked at this,
he said that was a Holy Sword.
It's not nearly as
powerful as Excalibur,
but there's no mistaking it.
Kiba was right.
That is a Holy Sword.
I knew it.
And I'm pretty sure
he only started
getting weird after
seeing this picture.
I don't understand
why would it have been
so close to Issei, though.
Hold on a second!
This kid's family
invited me to go
with them to church
like all the freakin' time.
It was really annoying.
So that's how
it is, then.
I understand why the predecessor
here is gone, but still.
I thought for sure.
For sure what?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Look at how late it is.
C'mon, let's get to bed.
Slow your roll.
Why are you taking off
your clothes in here?
[RIAS] What?
You know I can't sleep
unless I'm completely naked.
No, I mean why--
why are you getting
all naked in my room?
[RIAS] Well, obviously
because I'm gonna
sleep with you, silly.
Then, I'm doing it, too!
Here goes. I'm
sleeping with Issei!
Fair is fair.
I claimed him first;
he's mine tonight!
No way.
It's not fair for you to
keep him all to yourself.
I think I should
be given the chance
to spend the night
with Issei as well!
[ISSEI thinking]
We have reached Titical Mass!
It's a double dose
of dairy-pillows!
Pull it together, you
got two bombs to defuse!
Hey, come on, now.
There's no need to fight. Right?
Fine.
I suppose the decision
will be left to Issei.
Yes, I agree.
All right, Issei.
Which will
you choose?
Too much. Can't choose!
[RIAS] Don't make
me wait, Issei.
[ASIA] I'm ready now.
Please be gentle.
[ASIA] I started
living with Issei first!
I'm getting tired of
always waiting my turn!
[RIAS] Yes you've
been very patient,
so what's one more day?
Let's go, Issei!
[ASIA] I might lose
based on the size
of my chest, but not my heart!
My feelings for Issei
are bigger than anyone's!
[RIAS] Same here!
[XENOVIA] I'd say that
"utter ruins" describes it.
[IRINA] Rumor has it there
was a disturbance here
recently caused by a
fallen angel and a devil.
[XENOVIA] It's getting late.
And you're
certain this is it?
We're supposed to be
meeting him here, correct?
Oh, please, like
I would be wrong.
On top of that,
I lived in this city with
my parents as a kid.
Gimmie a little
credit, okay?
I mean, we are
friends, aren't we?
[KIBA] I apologize, Issei,
but it wouldn't be right
for me to have friends.
I don't deserve that.
Not now.
[MALE PRIEST A]
Please, help me!
A priest?
[FREED] Neener, neener! Yoo-hoo!
It's been a while, hasn't it?
Did you miss me?
It's nice to
see the playboy
of the scum underworld
has come to pay a visit.
[KIBA] So, it's Freed Sellzen.
Have you been hiding
in town this whole time?
[FREED]
Such a wonderful reunion!
It's bringing a
tear to mine eye!
[KIBA] Unfortunately for you,
I'm not in the best mood today.
[FREED] That's perfect;
I need some fun!
These pussified priests
are getting so boring!
[KIBA] No. That light.
That aura. It can't be.
[FREED] Oh, but
it can! Nice timing!
As penance for
your previous actions,
let's have a little test
to see which is stronger.
So tell me what you think.
Will your filthy cursed
sword be the one?
Or do you think it's more likely
the Holy Sword known as
Excalibur will be the victor?
[KIBA] I will never forgive
Excalibur for what it did to me.
[ISSEI] Yo, Issei here!
Damn, two new
hotties hit the scene?
Wait a sec--
Holy swords, seriously?
Aw man, gimme a freakin' break!
Next time:
"The Holy Sword is Here!"
Some boobs'll be here, too!