08x05 - I've Still Got It

[bunniefuu]

Well, we're movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole lot
of tryin'

Now we're up
in the big leagues

As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

There ain't nothin' wrong
with that

Well, we're movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Weez.

Oh, good morning, George.

Look, I want to
ask you a very
important question.

Will you give me
a truly honest answer?

Of course.

You promise
not to lie?
I promise.

Okay.
Do I look old to you?

No.

You promised
not to lie, Weez.

George, what's all this
"old" stuff about?

What's it about?
I'll show you
what it's about!

I'm fat, see?

Those pants fit you
just fine last month.

That was in
my younger days.

I really think
you're exaggerating.

You're only .
.

Okay. .

But you look great.
Are you kiddin'?

This morning when
I got out of the shower,

I thought you'd left
a scouring pad in the tub.

Turned out to be
a handful of my hair.

So your hair is
receding a bit.

A bit? It looks like
the front of my hair's

dyin' to see what the back
of my head looks like.

George...
What the hell is all this
mess you made, Weezy?

They're coupons.

French cut flyers?

That says
"Fresh Cut Fryers."

Terrific. Now my eyes
are going, too.

I better get to work before
I completely fall apart.

Would you like me
to call an ambulance?

Go ahead and laugh, Weezy.

You don't know what
it's like to be a fat, old,
balding man with bad eyes.

And with any luck,
I never will.

Hi, George, Louise.

Beautiful morning, isn't it?

Yeah, if you
can see it.

Why's George in
such a good mood?

Oh, he thinks he's getting
old and fat and bald

and not so
attractive anymore.

Well, who am I to argue?

I mean,
that's ridiculous.

I hear Louise compliment you
on your looks all the time.

That's right.

You're a very,
very attractive man.

Look, Weezy,
you're my wife.

You're required
by law to say that.

I would like to hear it
from somebody young and
good looking for a change.

Well, I guess
you'll have to do.

So, how do I look?

Well, except for a spare tire
and a receding hair line,

you don't look bad
for a man who's
on his last legs.

I don't know why
I bother to ask you.

You didn't marry
no winner, you know.

He didn't
take that well.

Helen, you really
shouldn't tease George.

This age thing's
gotten to him.

He's just not
himself lately.

Well, enjoy it
while you can.

I'm serious.

It's been affecting
our love life.

He's not so
frisky lately.

Well, enjoy it
while you can.

Helen...
Oh, I'm sorry, Louise.

You know what
George needs?
Um, flowers.

Flowers?

Helen, he may be old
but he's not dead.

Now, listen, Louise.

All men go through
middle-age crisis.

Tom did last year.

He was convinced that
he was old and fat.

What did you do?

I kept telling him,
"Tom, you are
definitely not old."

But nothing worked
until I sent him
a big bouquet of flowers

with a seductive,
sexy note.

Flowers? For a man?

Sure, they
need stroking.

I know it's hard
to believe, Louise,

but men are
people, too.

Well, maybe I could
send George flowers.

I could sign it,
"From a woman who finds you
very, very attractive."

Oh, that should do it.

Are you sure the flowers
got Tom cookin' again?

Cookin'?

Girl, when he
got home,

he was
a four-alarm fire!

Well, I'm calling
the florist now.

I'm telling him to send
George flowers at the office.

Oh, maybe I'll send
Tom some, too.

After all,
it has been a year.

Mr. Jefferson? Your secretary
said to just come on in.

Phil Hazeltine,
Hangers-Are-Us.

Oh, hi.

You okay, there?

Of course.

I was just
back-flushing the old lungs.

Oh. You know,

for a minute I thought
you were trying to
suck in the old gut.

What do you want to
see me about?

Well, Mr. Jefferson,

my company and I
want you to see

the latest breakthrough in
clothes hanging apparatus.

It's the wave
of the future.

The A-Dash - - - .

Ain't she
a beauty?

This looks like
the same beauty
you sold me last year.

You mean the
A-dash - - - ?

I wouldn't hang my
dog's blanket on that.

Look, Hazeltine,
this is a beautiful
piece of work,

I mean, but I'm up to
my nose in hangers.

Hey, come on.
The A-dash - - -
is versatile,

fits all sleeves.

I'm tellin' ya,
this little baby's

gonna put the fun
back into
hanging up clothes.

No kidding.
That's Gospel.

But now,
looky here.

The best feature
f this hanger is

it will make even
a cheap coat look good.

I'll show you.
Give me your coat.

Excuse me, Mr. Jefferson.

Could you check these figures
before I make out
the order forms?

Oh sure, Carol.

Well, hello.

Hello.

You are a beautiful woman.

The best thing
these tired eyes
have seen all day.

Thank you.
Uh, listen,
uh, Carol...

I know this great
little Italian restaurant...

Sorry, no thanks.

These are fine, Carol.
Thank you.

Well, if you should ever
change your mind...

I won't.

You had her eating right
out of your hand, huh?

I don't know, Jefferson.

I used to just
snap my fingers

and a pretty girl like
her'd be all over me.

But I don't know,
it's gone, I've lost it.

I'm, I'm an old man.

Finished! Kaput.

How old are you anyway?

.

How old are you?
Uh, .

Oh, well,
you've been over
the hill long enough

to have made
your peace with it.

Just give me a call
if you want to
order some hangers.

Don't count on it.

Mr. Jefferson...

Oh, uh, I'm taking
my driver's test next week

and I was just practicing
rear view mirror.

I see. Here.

Oh, okay.

Mr. Jefferson, you aren't
by any chance worried
about your looks, are you?

Well, what makes
you say that?

Look, I understand.
You're a little worried
about getting older.

You've put on
a few pounds and hair
is thinning a little bit.

Oh, come on, Carol,
you're so far off base...

You really noticed
it's thinning?

Maybe a little,

but a receding hairline
gives a man

an intelligent forehead.

Uh, unfortunately,
mine's getting more
intelligent every day.

Honestly, Mr. Jefferson,
when are you men
going to realize

that many woman find
mature men very attractive.

I do.

Don't you think
I'm getting a little thick
around the mid-section there?

Oh, I just look at that
as a sign of success.

Oh, yeah.

I carry
my success pretty well, huh?

My last boyfriend
was about your age,

and you know
what I used to find
really sexy about him?

The way he wore
his reading glasses.

Oh, yeah?
Mmm-hmm.

I'm farsighted, too.
Want to see me squint?

Oh, not right now.

But listen, Mr. Jefferson,

stop worrying
about yourself.

I think that you are
a very, very attractive man.

You do?
Yes.

And I'm sure
there are thousands
of woman out there

find you just as
attractive as I do.

Oh, come on, Carol.
Not thousands.

Hundreds, maybe.

Hi, George.
Hi, Willis.

Remember what I said.
I will.

Well, what do you want?

Oh, I just stopped by
to see if you'd like to
have lunch with me today.

There's a new
Danish Smorgasbord
up the street.

Five bucks,
all you can eat.

I figure between
the two of us, we
could break the bank.

Look, Willis,
I know this is really
asking a lot of you,

but could you forget
about lunch for a minute?

Did you see that
beautiful woman that
just went out of here?

Oh, you mean
the one with the
soft brown eyes,

cascading hair,
voluptuous figure,

and a small brown mole
on her left earlobe?

Yes.
Vaguely.

I think she's got
the hots for me.

What the hell is so funny?
Oh, come on, George.

What would a woman
like that see in
a man like you?

Hey, I've got
an intelligent forehead,

a successful midriff,

and I'm farsighted.
What more could
a woman want?

Well, gee, George,
you got me there.

Did anybody ever
tell you that you're ugly
when you're jealous?

And the rest
of the time, too.

Look what we have here.

Beautiful flowers
for a beautiful man.

I better get
a vase for these.

See, I told you.

Somebody finds you
very, very attractive.

Give me, it's mine!

What does it say?
What does it say?

What? Oh.

"My passion overwhelms me."

"Meet me later.
I'm yours tonight."

"From a woman who finds you
very, very attractive."

Who could it be from?

It's gotta be Carol.

Willis, that girl
wants me bad.

She must be crazy!

Carol really
is after you.

Oh, boy, George,
you've got a big problem
on your hands.

What about Louise?

Who?

Your wife.

Oh, yeah. Weezy.
Oh, well,

yeah, she
worships me, too.

If she finds out
about this,

she'll squash you
like a bug.

Finds out what?
I ain't gonna do
nothing with Carol.

It doesn't matter.

You see, George,
women are a different
sex than men.

Oh, yes.

They get jealous
at the drop of a hat.

Look, Willis.
Believe me, I know
how to handle my wife.

Mr. Jefferson,
your wife is here
to see you.

Send her in. Oh!

I dropped by to see...

Oh, hi, Tom.
Oh, no, no,
don't look at me!

George, I came by to
see if you wanted to
have lunch with me.

Oh, well, see, Weezy,

Willis here
had first dibs.

But I tell you what?

We'll have lunch tonight.
At dinner.

Oh, before I go,
I was wondering.

Did anything interesting
happen around here today?

Interesting? No!

Uh, no,
uh, surprises?

Oh, yeah.

Uh, uh, the hanger
salesman came by.

These hangers...

Here, why don't you
take it someplace
and play with it?

No, thanks, George.

I'd just get mobbed
by people asking me
where I got it.

Here you go, sir.
Thanks, Charlie.

You're welcome.

So, uh, this Carol's
a real looker, huh?

Oh, don't ask.

Go ahead, Charlie, ask.

She's gorgeous.

And I'm all
she can think about.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Some guys have
all the brains, some guys
have all the good looks.

I'm cursed with both.

Yeah, well, I know
what you mean.

I was, too.

Yeah. Me, too.

You guys kidding?

Look, I'm telling you.
I'm successful,
smart and rich.

I mean...
I've got it all.

Hey, I agree with you,
Mr. Jefferson.

That's why it's
an honor, a privilege

and a special thrill
to serve a guy like you.

Thank you, Charlie.

By the way,
this is a pretty big
tab you've run up.

You wanna pay up now?

Now, Mr. Jefferson,
come on.
I'm only kidding.

Ah, what the heck.

You know, George.

I hate to admit it, but
I am a little jealous.

My secretary has never
given me a second look.

Of course,
she's almost .

But still,
it would be nice.

You know
something, Willis?

You're damn lucky
woman don't
find you attractive.

Excuse me.
Have you got a light?

Look, I know
what you really want.

I got problems
of my own.

Get a man
your own age.

Man, it never stops.
Why do they
keep hounding me?

George, don't you
think you're getting
carried away just a bit?

What do you mean,
"carried away"?

We're both sitting here.
Well, how come she
asked me for the light?

Because you're
the one holding
a book of matches.

Oh, and I suppose
your being fat has
nothing to do with it, huh?

Mr. Jefferson, just one word
of advice, if I may, sir.

Look, don't go
making the same mistakes

I see a lot of my
customers making.

You know, those guys,
they keep coming in here,

crying in their beer
because they got involved

with some sweet
young thing.

Oh, true, they do
have some great times.

You know,
a couple of years
of wild, fantastic sex.

But then...
it's all over.

Yeah, I know. And then
what've you got?

Hmm. Nothing.
'Cept two years
of wild, fantastic sex.

Two years?

Three, tops!

ALL: No.

No, no, no.

Couldn't do that, Charlie.

I've never cheated on
Weezy and I never will.

I just have to have
a talk with Carol.

Just let the poor girl
down easy.

Hey, good idea, sir.

Well, what are
you gonna say?
I'll be gentle.

I'll just tell her
that she can...

Although she can
never possess me,

she can always have
the understanding

that she can
worship me from afar.

God! Phew!

Mr. Jefferson,
you wanted to see me?

Oh, yes, Carol.
Come in.

Have a seat.
Okay.

This won't take long.

I just wanted to explain
something to you.

Um, Carol,
how old are you?

I'm .
.

So young, so young.

Am I dying?

Inside, maybe.

Well, look, let me
get to the point.
Look, Carol,

you see, I had
a life before you
came here to work.

I know, you told me.

You started out
the son of
a sharecropper...

No, no, no.

No, though that's
a great story,

but that's not
the one I meant.

You see, I've been
happily married to the same
woman for a very long time.

I met your wife.
She's very lovely.

You are gracious.
I'll give you that.

Mr. Jefferson,
what is this all about?

Okay, here goes. Carol,

you've got a lot of
years ahead of you.

You'll find a man.
But I already have.

No, no, no!

You only think you have.

I mean what you are
feeling is not love.

It's just infatuation.

I really
don't understand.

Of course, you don't.
But you will, in time.

You're still young.
You got plenty of time.

Some guy'll come along.

I mean, you may
not do better but...

You probably won't.

But some guy
will come along.

Mr. Jefferson, I'm getting
terribly confused.

Of course, you are.
You're going through hell.

But don't let
the pressure
get to you, Carol.

Don't do
anything drastic.

For God sakes,
don't take your own life!

Okay.

It takes a while to
mend a broken heart.

So, um...

I've decided that
starting tomorrow,

I'm giving you
two weeks off.

Two weeks?
With pay.

Mr. Jefferson,
I could kiss you!

Make that three weeks.

Three weeks?

You are a beautiful,
beautiful man.

It's my curse.

Thanks.
Thanks a lot.

Oh, Carol...
Here's looking at you, kid.

God!

Hi, Weez.

Hi, George.

What's with that get-up?

All your real clothes
dirty, or what?

These are my bedclothes.

I was hoping they'd
put you in the mood.

Oh, no Weezy.
I ain't sleepy.

Look, George,
I was wondering...

did anything
interesting happen

at the office today
after I left?

And, remember, you
already told me about
the hanger salesman.

Oh, no, nothing
interesting happened.

Wait a minute, Weezy.

Something very, very
interesting happened.

Weezy...
Yes, George?

We always said
we'd be open with
each other, right?

No secrets?

Yes. But I don't...

Wait, hold it, Weezy.
Let me get this out.

It's about Carol,
my bookkeeper.

She wants me, Weezy.

She wants me real bad.

She does?
For what?

What do you mean,
"For what"? You know what!

Anyway, I just
told her the score.

That I belong to another.

The poor girl's in
love with me, Weez.

In love?

How do you know?
Did she tell you that?

Not in words.
She sent me...

Get this, Weezy.

She sent me
a bouquet of flowers.

Flowers?

Right, with a card inside,
oh, and what a card.

It says,
"I'm yours tonight."

And she signed it, "From a woman
who finds you very, very
attractive."

Uh, George, I think
there's something
I ought to tell you about.

I gotta admit, Weez...
Now this...

I mean, all this made
me feel pretty good.

'Cause remember
this morning?

I was worried
about getting old,

and getting bald
and getting fat.

I was just making
a problem for myself.

I'm just as
gorgeous as ever.

Even gorgeouser!

Weezy, you're
a lucky woman.

I know.

Oh, what were you
gonna tell me about?

Oh, well,
I was gonna say...

Well, that I can see

why Carol feels
that way about you.

She has good taste.

That's so true.

I've still got it.
Don't I, Weez?

You sure do.

And you'll never lose it.

Come on, Weezy.