07x11 - God Bless Americans

[bunniefuu]

Well, we're movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

Movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole lot of tryin'

Just to get up that hill

Now we're up
in the big leagues

Gettin' our turn at bat

As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

There ain't nothin' wrong
with that

We're movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

Movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Weezy! Hey, Weez!

Hey, Weezy, come here,
I got something to tell you.

Oh.

What are you
yelling about?

You interrupted
my beauty nap.

Florence, you don't
need a beauty nap,
you need a beauty coma.

Where's Weezy?
Miss Jefferson
ain't home.

Damn, I got the most
exciting news of my life,

and I want to share it
with the person
I care about the most.

Well, there's
a mirror over there.

Oh, I can't hold it in.
I got to tell it to
another human being.

Well, I guess,
you'll have to do.
Sit down.

Okay, Florence...

Where's the last place
you'd expect to see me?

Heaven.

No, on television.

I, George Jefferson,
I'm going to be on
television.

Yeah? On what show?
Those Amazing Drycleaners?

No, I'm gonna be on
one of the highest rated
shows in New York,

God Bless Americans.

And I'm gonna be interviewed
by one of the most patriotic
men in America, Jack Pomeroy.

Oh.
What do you mean, "Oh"?

I wouldn't watch
that silly program.

It's on opposite
Family Feud.

What are you talking about?
Jack Pomeroy is real popular.

And he says that I am
a living example of
what America is today.

You sure are, child.

Your hair is in recession
and your mouth's inflated.

Hey, Jack... No.

Hey, Jack.
How are you?

Oh,
the pleasure's all mine.

The secret of
my success, well...

It could be
my wit and charm,

or it could be
my great looks.

Or, it could be
my incredible
business savvy...

It could be your
beautiful wife.

No, it ain't that.

Weezy! Am I
glad you're home.

George, this is...

Brace yourself, Weez.

I, George Jefferson,
I'm going to be
on television.

Oh, George, you've decided
to do that commercial
for your stores?

The one where you're
the dancing box of stars?

No, Weezy, commercials
are small potatoes.

I'm gonna be a guest star
on God bless Americans.

Oh, that's wonderful.
Yeah, ain't it?

Now...
Hey, Weez,
you know what?

Just think,
thousands of black
kids all over the city

will know that
they can grow up
to be just like me.

George, I'm really
proud of you.
Aw!

And now, I'd like
you to meet...

You know Jack Pomeroy,
the host of the show,

he's coming over here
tonight to meet me.

Jack Pomeroy?
I love the way
he always ends his show.

Americans, Americans
God bless them one and all

Their land of good
Their land of joy

Who is this?

I've been trying
to introduce you.

This is Hector Morales.
He's our janitor
at the Help Center.

Oh.
I'm glad to finally
meet you, Mr. Jefferson.

We have a lot
in common.
Oh, we do?

Yes, cleaning
is my life too.

Hector needs to
ask you about a job.

A job? I thought
he worked with you.

Oh, it's not for me.
It's for my best friend,
Carlos.

Carlos is a refugee
from Cuba.

And he's in
a detention camp
in Florida right now.

But if he had a job
he could come to New York.

Yeah, well, look,
I like to help
you out, Hector,

but, see,
this ain't exactly
the dirty time of year.

Uh, George, couldn't
you work something out?

The only way
Hector's friend can
get out of that camp

is if he's sponsored
by an American citizen.

Yeah, well,
why don't you
sponsor him, Hector?

Oh, I would,
but I'm not a citizen yet.

Oh.
I'm studying to be.

I've learned much about
your United States.

Right now, I was studying
about this country's
bicameral legislature.

Oh! I didn't even know
the legislature had camels.

No, no, Mr. Jefferson,
bicameral means two houses,

the House of Representatives
and the Senate.

Oh, you mean
that bicameral. Oh!

Mr. Jefferson, my friend
Carlos is a hard worker.

He's worked many
years in a print shop.

Print shop? I know
just the spot for him.

Where?
Willis' apartment,
he's a publisher.

Maybe he could
find him a job.

You know, he'll love
to hear all about
that camel stuff.

Oh, it was nice
meeting you,
Mr. Jefferson.

Same here, Jose.

Uh, Hector.
Whatever.

Mr. J, I'm so excited.

Oh, yeah, well,
then go home and
calm yourself down.

Mr. J!

Bentley,
what do you want?

Well, I just saw Mrs. J
out in the hallway,

and she told me
about Jack Pomeroy
coming over here tonight.

I just had to pop in
and congratulate you.

Oh, thank you,
Bentley. Bye.

Yeah, you know,
my cousin, Dennis,
was on television once.

But the camera caught
him at a rather
inopportune moment.

What was he doing?
Robbing a bank.

Hello. What?
Speaking.

It's Pomeroy's secretary.

Tonight's... What?

You're kidding.

Oh, tonight's confirmed?

Great! Oh, can
I ask you a question?

What exactly is
Mr. Pomeroy gonna
ask me about?

Oh, my success?

Well, hope
he's got plenty of time.

Yeah, what else?

Oh, my community
involvement?

Oh! No problem.

Right, bye.

Hey, damn, Bentley,
I'm in trouble, what is
the community involvement?

Well, um...

Are you involved
in the community?

Yeah, I live here.

No, Mr. J,
I think Mr. Pomeroy is
going to want to know

how you've given over
yourself to help others?

Oh. Well, I gave
a bum a dollar once.

No, no, no,
what I meant was,

do you belong
to any community
organizations or clubs?

Oh, yeah, I belong
to a great club,
the Diners Club.

No, I don't think
that's what Mr. Pomeroy
will be looking for.

Mr. J, I'm afraid,
you're sorely lacking in
community involvement.

Yeah, well, I guess
you're right.

Oh, boy!
Hey, damn, I got it.

I'll just take credit
for something Weezy did.

Mr. J.

Come on, Bentley.

Look, Weezy does
so many good things
for people,

I mean, she ain't
gonna miss one
little good deed.

I mean, like, right now,
she's trying to
this Cuban refugee

out of this detention
camp in Florida.

Oh, that's impossible,
I just saw her
in the hallway.

No, Bentley, I mean,
she's trying to
get the guy a job

so he can get out
of that camp.

She wanted me
to hire him.

Well, that would be
a perfect example of
community involvement.

What?

Oh, man,
I gotta catch her.

You know, this reminds me
of a story about
my Uncle Mortimer.

He must have heard
that one already.

Come on.

George,
what is the matter?

Did Willis
hire Hector's friend?

No, I'm afraid
Tom couldn't help.

Oh, that's great.
Where's Hector?

He's in the elevator.
Get him out.
Hector, open up!

It's George,
your amigo.

What's wrong?

Nothing. I wanna give
Hector's friend a job.

Oh, George,
that's so nice...

Don't bother me now, Weezy,
I got to take the stairs.

Hector, wait up!

I'll meet you
in ellobby-o.

"Ellobby-o"?

Boy, Hector, am I glad
I caught you in the lobby.

You sure
I didn't hurt you
when I tackled you?

Oh, no, I'm fine,
and I can't
thank you enough

for sponsoring
my friend, Carlos.

Oh!
George, what made
you change your mind?

Oh, come on Weezy.
You know the kind
of guy I am.

Right. What made
you change?

Well, you did, Weez.

Look, you do
so many nice things
for people,

I figured it's time
that I did my share.

George, excuse me,
I must go home and
write a letter to Carlos.

He'll be so happy.
Hey, great!

I'll show you
to the elevator.

George, it's just
across the hall.

Weezy, I don't
want Hector getting lost,
he's new in the country.

Thank you,
Mrs. Jefferson.

And Mr. Jefferson,
if there's ever anything
I could do...

No, no, no, you don't
have to do a thing for me,
Hector, not a thing.

But you know,
there could be
one little thing

that I might
ask you to do.

Oh, just name it.

Well, you see,
Jack Pomeroy's coming
over here tonight,

you know, around : ,

so I thought you might
like to meet him.

I'll love to. Where does
your generosity stop?

Oh!
It's endless.

Look, when you come over,
don't let on that you
knew he'd be here.

Oh, okay.
Okay?

Oh, yeah, and, um...

If you feel it,
you can just call me
a great American.

Ah, I will say

that you're the
greatest American since
Abraham Lincoln, how's that?

Perfect! And true, too.

Oh, one more thing.

I'm kind of a modest
guy so I might tell you

to stop bragging
about me so much.

Well, you say "stop",
I stop.

No, no, no, no!

You don't stop.
You just keep
the praises coming.

See. You'll be,
uh, play acting.

You know, like,
Ricardo Montalban.

Ricardo Montalban?
He's good.
Yes.

So... So no
matter what I say,

you just keep on talking about
all the good things I'm doing
for your friend Carlos, okay?

Ah, I see.

Don't worry.
Nothing will stop me.
Ah.

And Mr. Jefferson,

you are wonderful,
you are fine.

I...
Save it, Hector.

Let it all gush out later.

Where do you want
these red, white
and blue flowers?

By the sofa?

GEORGE:
No, on the table.

I don't want to
hit the guy over the head
with this patriotic stuff.

Right.
Oh, Florence, look.

Whenever Pomeroy's around,
I wanna make sure

that you let him notice
you are a good American.

I could be
a real good American
if I had a real good reason.

Okay, will
bucks do it?

You just bought yourself
a good American.

Now wanna try
for a great one?

Bye.

Weezy, what's taking
you so long?

How long does it take
to put on makeup,
you only got one face?

LOUISE: George,
I'm embarrassed.

Do I have to wear
this dress you bought me?

Come on, Weezy.
Don't you want me
to be on television?

LOUISE: Well, yes. But...

Come on out.
I just wanna see
what it looks like.

You look terrific.

I feel like I should be
waving in the breeze.

I'm only going along
with this

because I know
how important
this TV show is to you.

That's my girl.
That's my Weezy.
Oh, Weezy...

Oh, that's Pomeroy.

Now, you sit and act like
you're having a nice, quiet,
normal evening at home.

Mr. Jefferson!

Oh, hi, Mr. Pomeroy,
come in.

Louise, turn
that thing down.

Wait! Wait!

America!

God shed
His grace on thee

Thank you.

Now, that's music.

They don't write them
like that anymore,
eh, Jefferson?

Ah, you said
a mouthful, Jack.

Oh, you don't mind
if I call you Jack, do you?

No, George.

Uh, Jack, I'd like you
to meet my wife, Louise.

How do you do?
My pleasure, Louise.

Lovely dress.

My favorite colors.

Uh...
Please have a seat.

Uh, are you thirsty, Jack?
We got some great wine.

Yes, thank you.
Domestic?

Oh, yeah, we got
one of those, too.

Florence,
bring out the food.

No, I mean,
is the wine domestic?

Hell no.
It's from California.

That's great, George.

I wish more
people would buy
American products.

That's the way to keep
our economy strong.

Yankee Doodle
went to town

A-riding on a pony

He stuck a feather
in his cap

How am I doing?

Would you care
for some crackers
with American cheese?

Well, if you'll excuse me,
I have an apple pie
baking in the oven.

This certainly seems like
an all-American household.

Oh, it sure is.

Florence, recite the
Declaration of Independence.

It'll cost you extra.

Bye, Florence.

I like your show,
Mr. Pomeroy.

Like it? We love it.

Oh, I'm just trying
to do my little part

to promote this
great land of ours.

LOUISE: Yes.

You know, every night
at sunset when
I'm lowering my flag, I...

...look up at the
sky and thank God
I'm an American.

Hear, hear.

Oh, you brought in our flag,
didn't you, Louise?

I'm wearing it, dear.

George,
you're an American
success story.

You started
out nothing...

Oh,
boy, was I nothing.

And you
became something.

Boy, is he something.

Well, you see, Jack.

It all began about
years ago.

You see, uh...

I was born a son of a poor
sharecropper, you know.

We were so poor,
that my father took down

all the mirrors in the house
because he didn't want us

seeing ourselves
starve to death.

That's beautiful.

Gee, I'm getting
goose bumps.

I like you, George.
So do I, Jack.

Ah.

Excuse me,
it seems like I'm getting
a little headache.

I think I should
take a couple
of American aspirin.

That's a fine gal
you got there, George.

Oh, yes. Sturdy
American stock.

Hey!

Statue of Liberty,
this is great.

Oh, you like it?
It's yours.

No, I couldn't.
I insist.

Thanks.

Classy guy, George.
Oh.

Look, if you get the urge
to say that on television,
go with it.

Well, George, as you know,
I'm here to find out
what kind of man you are.

I sure like
what I know so far,

but I'd like to hear more.

Okay, fine,
let's see, uh...

Let's say, we start
with my community
involvement.

Why not?

I gave a bum
five bucks once.

I hate bums.
Oh.

Everyone's got his
hand out nowadays,
welfare.

I was only
kidding about the bum,
Jack, it was a joke.

Ah, sense of humor.

A great American quality.
Yeah, sure.

Uh, you know what, um...

There is one project that
I've been trying to solve.

You see,
there's this Cuban refugee

in this detention camp
at Florida...

I know the problem.
Yeah, I figured,
you would. So anyway...

Those damn Cubans
are more trouble
than they're worth.

Yeah, I know what
you mean.

Anyway, me and my wife,
Louise, we were...
Say what?

They're sending us
their criminals
and their crazies.

And what do they
expect us to do?

Take jobs away
from Americans and give
them to foreigners.

I say, America for Americans.
Don't you agree George?

Oh, yeah.
That's right.

Well, they've given
us nothing but trouble.

That's terrible.

I'll get it.
Weezy, wait!

Oh, Hector, what
a nice surprise.
Come in.

Good evening,
Mrs. Jefferson.
Hello, Mr. Jefferson.

Hector Morales,
meet Jack Pomeroy.

The TV star!
What a surprise
to see you here!

Mr. Pomeroy is here
interviewing George for
a guest part on his show.

Oh, Mr. Jefferson
is a fine gentlemen.

And since I feel I have to,
I will call him
a great American.

Hector, elstop-o.

Mr. Jefferson is
the greatest American
since Abraham Lincoln.

Move over
Ricardo Montalban.

Mr. Pomeroy,
I must tell you

what Mr. Jefferson
is doing for my friend.

No! No!

I cannot believe
your modesty.

This man is sponsoring
my friend, Carlos,
from Cuba.

What?

Oh, hasn't George
told you?

He's giving Carlos a job,
so he can get out of
that detention camp.

Jefferson, is this true?

Well, I...
Of course, it's true.

I really misread you,
Jefferson.

I had no idea you condoned
giving away the country
to his kind.

Maybe I should leave.

No, you're a guest
in our home.

And I think you owe
Hector an apology.

Mrs. Jefferson...

This country is being
overrun by these Cubans.

We open our arms
to these people,
and what do they do?

They riot and burn
down buildings.

Speaking of buildings,
did you know that the
legislature has two camels?

Mr. Pomeroy,

what do you expect
from the Cuban people?

They come here thinking
this is the land
of opportunity.

And they run into
people like you,

who slam doors
in their faces.

You're damn right,
I'll slam a door
in their face.

These Cubans are
the dregs of humanity.

That's not fair.
The Cuban people
are proud people.

We are not asking
for a handout.

All we want is a chance
to prove ourselves.

Bull!

Castro kicked you
out of Cuba.

Let's face it,
there's nothing lower
than being a commie,

and you aren't
even good enough
to be one of them.

Oh! He may have
a point there, Weezy.

Mrs. Jefferson,
how could you
want your husband

to sponsor one of
these foreigners?

Just remember
what happened
in Wisconsin.

That's right.

What happened
in Wisconsin?

One of these wonderful
immigrants is being tried
for murdering his sponsor.

How's that for
gratitude, Jefferson?

What?

Mr. Pomeroy.

How can you condemn
all Cubans because
of the mistakes of a few?

Because you can't
tell the good ones
from the bad ones.

The only way to
solve this problem

is to put all those
Cubans in a boat,

and send them back
where they came from.

Oh, really?

Well, it seems to me,
I've heard that said before.

Only, it wasn't Cuba,
it was Africa.

Come on, Weezy,
don't be silly.

Who'd have heard of sending
Cubans to Africa?

I'm talking about blacks.

Oh, no, no,
blacks are different.

Americans have gotten
used to you people.

Used to us?

Well, sure.
Like you, Jefferson.

You're a hardworking,
acceptable black person.

Acceptable?

That's right.

So, I'm an acceptable
black person,
that's mighty white of you.

Hey,
don't make me out
to be a r*cist.

Oh, I don't have to.

You're doing
a pretty good job
at it yourself.

Hey, calm down.
All I'm saying is,

we don't need to add
a bunch of Cubans
to the welfare roll.

Look, his friend
ain't gonna be on
no welfare roll.

He's got a job,
with me.

Listen, Jefferson...
No, you listen, Jack.

Next time you talk about
putting somebody on a boat,

think about your ancestors
and where they came from.

And while you're at it,
buy a ticket, for yourself.

Jefferson, as far as being
on my show is concerned,
you can kiss it goodbye.

Oh, yeah?
Well, I'll give you three
guesses what you can kiss.

Good for you, George.

I'm sorry you missed
your chance to be on
television, Mr. Jefferson.

Oh, don't worry
about it, Hector.

I wouldn't wanna be
on the same screen
with that chump anyway.

Right, George.

Principles are more
important than being
on a TV show anyway.

That's right.

So, Hector, what do you say
we go down to Charlie's Bar
and have a drink?

Yes, I like that.

Yeah, we can talk
all about how you
can call Phil Donahue

and tell him what
a great American I am.

Ah, Phil Donahue,
he's good.

Yeah, I know.