07x08 - All I Want for Christmas

[bunniefuu]

Well, we're movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

Movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole lot of tryin'

Just to get up that hill

Now we're up
in the big leagues

Gettin' our turn at bat

As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

There ain't nothin' wrong
with that

We're movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

Movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

We finally got
a piece of the pie

All right, Mr. Jefferson,

just back it right on in.

Now,

bring it on home, sir.

Ha!

By golly, sir,

we did it!

Thanks for
your help, Ralph.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, my!
How rude of me.

I almost forgot
to thank you

for your very generous
Christmas bonus, sir.

You shouldn't have!

I didn't.
I know.

But I'm sure you will.

Well, Ralph, it's Christmas.
Believe what you want.

Oh, George,

it's a beautiful tree!

Oh, Weezy, you'd never
guess what I had to go
through to get that tree.

There were a dozen
people fighting over it.

Then this old lady got
her pocketbook snatched.

Oh, that's terrible!

No, that was
the good part.

Everybody ran over
to help her and then
I grabbed the tree.

That's the Christmas
spirit, George.

What's that?

Florence is going caroling
with her church choir.

She's just warming
up her voice.

Oh, I thought a taxi
backed over a cat.

Chestnuts roasting
on an open fire

Jack Frost

Nipping at your nose

Though it's been said
many times, many ways

Oh!

Florence, you have a
really well-trained voice.

Why, thank you,
Mr. Jefferson!

Now train it to play dead.

Ah, I've got the
Christmas spirit,
Mr. Jefferson

and I ain't gonna let
you spoil my mood,

you little dickens!

I ain't getting no peace
and quiet around here
tonight, am I?

George, would you like
to come to the Help Center
with me tonight?

We're having a Christmas
party for kids from the
foster care facility.

What's the
foster care facility?

Oh, that's what they
call an orphanage,
these days.

Tom Willis is
playing Santa Claus.

Oh, yeah? Well,
if they want him
to come down a chimney

they better grease him up.

Mr. Jefferson,
you should go with
Miss Jefferson tonight.

This is the time of year
you're supposed to do
nice things for people.

Why don't you mind
your business, Florence?

I do plenty of
nice things for people.

Good, then get
the door for me.

What do you want?

Fine, thank you.

And a big hello
to you too, George.

Oh, come on in, Helen.
I'll be ready in a minute.

Oh, Louise,
I've got some bad news.

On the way home
from work today,

Tom slipped on the ice
and sprained his ankle.

Oh, poor Tom!

No, poor me!
I got to listen
to his whining.

You know, he's only
been home minutes

and already he's
given me his menu
through next Thursday.

Oh, but what
about tonight?

Tonight he wants
pot roast.

No, I mean, what about
the Christmas party?

Oh! Oh, well
Tom can't walk.

I'm sorry, Louise,
but we won't be able
to go to the Help Center.

But what am I gonna do?

The kids are going to be
there in a half an hour
and I don't have a Santa!

Okay, okay, don't panic.
We'll find a replacement.

Must be somebody
who can play Santa.

Not a chance.

George, sweetheart,
darling...

Look, Weezy, I ain't
playing no Santa Claus.

George, neighbor,
friend...

Uh-uh. Nope. No way, Jose.

George, please?

Look, Weez, I said
I ain't gonna be no
Santa Claus and that's it!

You'll have to drag me
up there and shove me
into that Santa Claus uniform.

I'll drag,
you shove.

Hey, hold it!
George, you are
going to this!

Just one time...
Get in there,
come on, George!

BOY : What did we
come down here for?

Hi, Mrs. Thompson.
We're all set!

Oh, Mrs. Jefferson,
I can't thank
the Help Center enough

for having this party
for the children.

Oh, it's our pleasure.

Listen,

Santa's outside waiting,

so why don't you
prepare the kids?
Fine.

All right, uh,
attention, everybody.

I have just heard
on the radio

that a sleigh pulled
by eight tiny reindeer

was seen in the sky
heading this way.

Now, who do
you think it is?

ALL: Santa Claus!

Come over here. Come.

Ha, ha, ha!

That's "Ho," George.

Oh. Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas.
Christmas.

Ho, ho.

Ho...

Oh-oh.

Hey, man,
you ain't Santa Claus!

You see that?
I told you it wouldn't
work, Weezy. Bye!

Uh, just a minute, Santa.

Uh, young man,
what makes you think
this isn't Santa Claus?

Because Santa Claus
ain't black, he's white.

What makes you think
that Santa Claus
is a honkey?

I mean, a white guy?

Come on, man.
I'm six years old.

I've lived,

and I ain't never seen
a black Santa Claus.

Then maybe you ain't
been looking in the
right places.

The Macy's Parade
Santa is white.

Well, that's because
the guy who owns
Macy's is white.

He's white on all
the TV commercials.

Well, that's because
the men who make
deodorant are white, too.

Look, it doesn't matter
what color Santa Claus is.

Right.
Because there ain't no
such thing as Santa Claus.

Say what?

Hey, man,
don't jive these kids.

Look, every year
some jerk in a red suit

comes here and tries
to pass himself off
as Santa Claus.

We tell him what we want,
he writes it down

and we end up getting stuff
that other people donate.

We never get
what we really want.

Right?
ALL: Right.

Hey, wait a second. Were
those other guys white guys?
Yeah.

Well, there you go.

You want action,
you've got to
come to the source!

Now, you tell me what you
want, you got it signed,
sealed and delivered

because I am Santa Claus!

Oh, come on!
You guys gonna be
suckers all your life?

BOY: Yeah!

This guy can promise
whatever he wants

because we ain't never
gonna see him again.

What do you mean?

Well, Christmas Eve.

Yeah, sure,
we get a few toys.

But we never get
to see Santa Claus.

Oh, yeah?

Well, this Santa Claus
don't run out on nobody!

Not only will I give
you what you want,

but I will be here
Christmas Eve

to deliver it personally!

Oh, kids,

I'd like for you
to meet Mrs. Claus.

Santa's a lucky man, huh?

ALL: Yeah!

Okay, now, make a list,
and find out what
they want, Mrs. Claus.

Okay, now,
who's first?

Me, me!

Okay, you got that,
Mrs. Claus? One
battery-operated robot.

Right!
Right!

Okay, this is for you!
Merry Christmas!

Thanks, Santa!
You all right.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey!

It's time to get
in the bus, now.

But wasn't
Santa wonderful?

Yeah!

Thank you! Thank you!
Merry Christmas!

Ho, ho, ho, ho,
ho, ho, ho, ho!

You can cut the
"Ho's" now, George.

Oh.

See you Christmas Eve!

ALL: Bye, Santa!
GEORGE: Bye!

Uh, George,
I'm going to walk
Mrs. Thompson to the bus.

I'll be right back.

Oh, yeah, Weezy, ask
Mrs. Thompson what she
wants for Christmas.

Uh, right, George.
And while you're at it, ask
the bus driver what he wants.

Oh, he already
told me, George.

But I told him
I was married.

See you, Santa.

Hey, kid, come here.

Yeah?

What's your name?
Billy.

Billy. Hey, Billy.

You never told me what
you wanted for Christmas.

Why should I?

Well, because
I want to get it for you.

Oh, come on, there
must be something
you really want.

Yeah, there's something
I really want, but you
can't get it for me.

Look, I said I can get, uh...

I mean, tell Santa
what you want.

Anything I want?

Anything you want.

You promise?
I promise.

Okay, Santa.

Get me parents.

MRS. THOMPSON: Mrs. Jefferson,
the kids will be talking
about this party for days!

Oh, we loved it!

But, you know,

I'll bet George
had just as much
fun as the kids.

Mr. Jefferson,
I just had to come
back and tell you,

you were
a superb Santa!

Oh, yeah, I was proud
of you, George!

George, what's wrong?

I think I promised
Billy I'd get him
parents for Christmas.

You what?

Mr. Jefferson, how
could you do that?

I couldn't help it.

I told him I'd get him
anything he wanted.

I figured he'd ask
for something easy
like a Mr. Potato Head.

Well, okay, I'd better
go tell him right now
it was a mistake.

You can't do that!
I'm a man of my word!

Now, I promised that kid I'd
get him parents for Christmas
and that's what I'm gonna do.

Take care of it, okay?

Mr. Jefferson,
it is not that easy.

You see, the children
at our facility are what
we call, "Hard to place."

What do you mean,
"Hard to place"?
Billy's a great kid.

He's cute, he's smart...

And he's years old.

So what?
Most people don't want
to adopt older children.

They want
little babies.

Ain't that dumb?

Why would you want to
adopt a baby that's going
to spit up all on your lap,

when you could have a
kid that's almost old
enough to support you?

I just love it when
you speak from the heart.

Look, ain't there somebody
who can get Billy adopted
by Christmas?

Well, anything's
possible but I wouldn't
get my hopes up.

Tell you what,

let me get to
work on it and I'll
see what I can do.

Yeah, I'll see
what I can do.

We'll both be looking.

George,

looking for parents
for Billy isn't going
to be easy.

What do you mean?
They gave us five days.

Hell, me and you
became parents
in five minutes.

Hello, Florence.

Oh, hi, Miss Jefferson.

I'll never go shopping
on Christmas Eve again!

Florence, what
are you smiling at?

I've got good news.

Miss Thompson called
while you were out

and she's found a
couple to adopt Billy.

Oh, that's wonderful!

I can't wait until
George hears this.

He's going crazy looking
for someone to adopt Billy.

Hey, lady.
How are you?

Hey, how would you
like to have a kid?

Why, you!

Merry Christmas, Mr. J.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look. I got to talk to you.

Oh, I'd love
to stop and chat,

but I'm late for
a soiree at the UN.

Yeah, well, look,
you tell that soiree

that when he's
in our country,
he can wait.

Look, Bentley, I've been
doing a lot of thinking.

You live in that
big old apartment
all by yourself.

Don't you ever get
lonesome for the
pitter-patter of little feet?

Oh, Mr. J, you know
you can come over
and visit anytime you want.

You know, that's not
what I mean.

I mean, don't you wish
you had somebody
you could tuck in,

and read to at night?

You know, I tried
that once with Elaine,

but all she said was,
"Hey, Harry,
what's with the book?"

No, Bentley,
I'm talking about a kid.

How'd you like to
adopt a little boy?

Me? Adopt?

Oh, Mr. J.
I couldn't.

You see, I live
a bachelor's life.

I keep very
irregular hours.
I'm hardly ever home.

I'm extremely
self-indulgent,

often lonely
and depressed.

And frankly,
I just wouldn't want
to give all that up.

Merry Christmas!

Hi, Weezy, Florence.

Let me tell him.
Okay, go ahead.

George, I have
fantastic news...

Miss Thompson called
and she found a couple
to adopt Billy!

What?

Florence, I wanted
to tell him.

Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead.

And Mrs. Thompson
said that...

She's going to call just
as soon as it's official!

Tell him!

Hey, that's great!
You know
what that means?

That means I can keep
my promise to Billy

and the rest of the kids will
believe that I'm Santa Claus.

Hey, I'm going to
put on my Santa suit!

Weezy, you're terrific.

Florence,
you're beautiful!

Well, I guess
miracles really do
happen on Christmas Eve.

Yeah, Mr. Jefferson
called me beautiful.

Hello?

Oh, yes, Mrs. Thompson,
how are you?

Uh, what?

They did?

I see.

Oh, well, thank you
for calling.

Uh, yes, we'll see
you at : .

Goodbye.

GEORGE: Weezy,
is that her?

Is it official?
Is Billy adopted?

Uh...

I'm sorry, George.
It fell through.

What?

Well, the couple
met Billy,
and they liked him.

But they felt
he was too old.

Too old?

Too old? Damn!

Well, George, you did
everything you could.

No, Weezy,
not everything.
We could adopt him.

What?
Yeah, well, look, I know
that it's a problem

with him being white,
but I mean,

after he learns our
language, nobody'll
know the difference.

George, you don't
adopt a child just
to keep a promise.

You adopt because
you want to be a parent.

And, uh, I think

we're a little too old
to be parents again.

Yeah, you're right, Weezy.

You are getting up there.

I just feel bad about
poor Billy, that's all.

LOUISE: Look,

I bought him a
radio-controlled racecar.

He'll like that.

That ain't
what he wanted.

I know.

Oh, come on, George.

Put on your Santa suit
and we'll head down
to the Help Center.

You'll feel better when you
see how happy the other
children are with their toys.

I'm not going, Weez.

Why not?

Because I can't face Billy.

But you promised all the
children you'd come back
on Christmas Eve.

Yeah, I know.
You go and, uh,

make an excuse for me.

Tell them I had to, uh,

change the bulb
in Rudolph's nose.

George, you got
to talk to Billy

and tell him you tried
but you just couldn't
find him parents.

Look, Weezy,
I can't tell him that!

It's best if he never
sees me again.

Uh, George...
Look, I ain't going,
Weezy, and that's it.

Florence, I'll be
back about : .

Uh, we can wrap
Lionel and Jenny's
presents then.

George,
I'm disappointed in you.

Mr. Jefferson...

Look, Florence,
nobody's interested
in what you got to say.

Well, you gonna
hear it anyway.

Now, you owe Billy
an explanation.

But instead of going
down there and
facing him yourself,

you're sending your
wife down there to
do your dirty work.

You finished?
No.

Now, we've had our
differences in the past

and I know I've called
you plenty of names.

Shorty, big mouth,

airhead...

You never called me that.
Well, I wanted to.

But there's one name
I never thought I'd call
you, Mr. Jefferson.

And that's "Coward".

They're having
such a good time.

Mrs. Jefferson, this is
the best Christmas these
children have ever had.

Yeah, except Billy.

I... I wish I knew
what to say to him.

I know he's
upset now, but...

I'll give him a while,
then I'll talk to him.

Mrs. Claus, thanks
for this robot.

It's exactly
what I asked for!

Oh, you are very
welcome, Mark!

Santa's great!

He got every one of
us what we wanted.

No, he didn't.

What did you ask for?

Never mind.
It's not important.

You can play with
my robot if you want to.

I don't want to play
with no dumb robot.

That's for kids.

So is believing
in Santa Claus.

Uh-uh. Santa Claus
is for real.

If he's for real, how come
he ain't here right now
like he promised?

Because...

Why isn't he here?

Oh... Oh, well, uh,

that's very simple.

Uh, you see,

Santa isn't here because...

Because he's busy
changing the bulb
in Rudolph's nose.

There!

Grow up.

If that guy was really
Santa Claus, he'd
be here right now.

Uh, look, Billy,
let me explain.

Now, you see,
the reason...

Ho, ho, ho!

George!

I mean...
By George, it's Santa!

Hey, hey, hey!

Merry Christmas!
Do you like your presents?

ALL: Yeah!
Hey!

Santa, I think
you made a mistake.

You didn't get Billy
what he wanted.

Yeah, I know.

Isn't there something
you could get Billy

so he'd be happy?

You really like Billy,
don't you?

Sure. Except for when
we play checkers.

He won't let me win
unless I give him gum.

Okay, kids, come on.
Let's have some hot cocoa.

George, I'm so glad
you decided to come.

How's Billy?

Not too good.

Well,

I guess
I'll go face him.

Uh, is there
anything I can do?

Yeah, keep Willis healthy.
I ain't doing this next year.

Hey, Billy!

Hi, Santa.

Look, um...

I couldn't get any
parents for you.

Somehow that
doesn't surprise me.

Yeah, but I did
my best. I tried.

Yeah, you tried.

Miss. Thompson tried.
Everybody tried.

But you all struck
out, didn't you?

But, look, the
ball game's not over yet.

I mean, you still
might get adopted
by tomorrow.

Sure and the day after
that they'll put my face
on Mount Rushmore.

Look, why don't you
just take your phony suit

and your phony nose...

Phony nose?
This is my real nose.

I wouldn't brag
about it.

Look, I'm not
gonna get adopted.

I'm too old and I'm
not getting any younger.

Face it, man. I have.

No family for Billy.

Hey, Billy, my
robot don't work.

They sure don't make
toys like they did
in the good old days.

Mark, you probably
got the batteries in wrong.

Just read the directions.

There's too
many big words.

Mark, I'm busy!

Hey, you know,
it looks like you already
got a family, Billy.

What are you
talking about?

I mean, all these kids.
They look up to you.

They could be your family.

What?

They're just
orphans like me.

We ain't no family.

What do you mean?
All a family is,
is a bunch of people

living together
who care about each other.

Now, you care about
all these kids, don't you?

Well, yeah, but...
But they care about
you too, right?

Well, I guess so.

Well, so there you go.
Instant family.

Come on.

None of us got parents.
And parents is what
makes a family.

Not all of the time.

Look. Now,
I know a lot of kids,

who have parents
who don't come
as close to

having a good a family
as you got right here.

Okay, look.

Maybe you'll never
get adopted, okay?

But that's no reason why
you should turn your back

on the family you got here.

Hey.

Hi.

Dennis broke my doll,
Santa. Can you fix it?

Here, Liza,
I'll fix it.

But first I got to fix
Mark's robot, okay?

Okay.

It was nice talking to you.

I got a...

...family to take care of.

Merry Christmas, Billy.

Thanks. Same to you.

Uh...
George, did you get
everything straightened up?

Yeah, I think so.

Oh, that's great!

Oh, George, you are
a wonderful Santa.

Mmm.

Now, it's your turn.

What does Santa
want for Christmas?

Already got it.

Mrs. Claus.