05x10 - If the Dress Fits, Wear It

[bunniefuu]

He's So Cute.

Are All Hamsters
That Cute?

No. I Think
Darren's The Cutest.

Can I Hold Him Again?

Sure.

Climb, Darren, Climb.

I Can't Take Him
To Grandma's.

Why Not?

She Has Allergies.

Big Red Bumps Blotch Out
All Over Her Face.

Oh, You Little Chubby,
Little Cute, Little Thing.

Could I Leave Darren Here
Until Tomorrow?

I Doubt It.

Dad Doesn't Like
Animals In The House.

He Blotches Out?

Let Me Ask Him.

I Can Be Very Convincing.

Go Ahead And Try.

Carolyn, It's :Oo.

When Is Your...

Where's That Animal?

Where Is He?

I Have Him Here.

All Right.

Uh, Dr. Huxtable...

Yes.

Can I Ask
A Question?

Why Do You Hate Animals?

I Don't Hate Animals.

Who Told You
That I Hate Animals?

I'd Rather Not
Reveal My Sources.

Dad, You Never Let Us
Have Animals.

I Love Animals.

That's Why I Don't Want Them
In This House.

Goldfish In This House
Float At The Top Of The Bowl.

Because Children Who Live Here
Keep Feeding And Feeding Them.

Then I Come Home,
And I See The Goldfish.

But, Dad, I Was Only
A Little Kid Then.

Can Darren Spend The Night?

It's Only For One Night.

Please, Dr. Huxtable?

Darren Doesn't Need Anything.

He Has Food And Water
In His Cage Already.

He's Child-Proof.

Please, Daddy, Please?

Please,
Dr. Huxtable?

He'll Be Awful Lonely
All By Himself At My House.

Aw, No, No.

You Guys Are The Worst.

Okay, Twenty-Four Hours,
But After That

I'm Shutting The Doors
On Huxtable Hamster Hotel.

Yes!
Yes!

Ahh.

Dad, You Are
So Unfair.

What Are You Talking About?

I Was In Rudy's Room.

I Saw The Hamster.

You Never Let Me Have A Pet.

Now You Go Behind My Back
And Do This.

Go Behind Your Back?

I Don't Have To Go
Behind Your Back.

I'll Do Something
In Front Of Your Back.

That Is Not Rudy's Pet.

She's Hamster-Sitting.

Hey, What's Up?

How Ya Doin'?

Dad Let Rudy Have A Hamster.

I Didn't Let Rudy
Have A Hamster!

I Just Finished
Telling You That.

What Is The Matter With You?

What Happens When
The Hamster Has To Go

And Rudy Cries

About Missing It?

You'll See Her Tears,
And You'll Cave In.

I'll Have You Know

I Have A Fine Reputation
For Not Caving In.

Your Sister Sondra
Wanted A Pony.

I Did Not Cave In.

Denise Wanted A Monkey.

I Did Not Cave In.

You Tried To Get Us
To Get A Dog By Using Rudy

And Saying She Wanted One.

I Did Not Cave In,
And I'm Not Caving In Now.

So There!

What Made You Heartless
Toward Animals?

Uh, Vanessa,
I'll Tell You Later.

What Are You Going
To Tell Somebody Later?

Dad, I Know What Happened.

Grandpa Told Me All About
The Traumatic Experience

You Had As A Kid.

What Traumatic Experience?

See, Vanessa,
That's Called Repression.

We Learned About It
In Psychology.

Dad's Blocking The Memory
Because It Was So Horrible.

Your Pet Bird, Charlie.

Oh, Charlie.

Tell Me.

Charlie.

See, Dad Had
This Parakeet.

It Was Not
A Parakeet.

It Was A Finch.

I Used To Open The Cage,
And He'd Fly Out.

He Would Chirp
All Over The Place.

Peep, Peep, Peep, Peep...

One Day I Came Home,
And, Uh...

I Was Getting Ready
To Put On My Sneakers

And I Sat Down On The Bed...

What Happened?

I Heard A Chirp.

It Was Sort Of Like
A Muffled Chirp.

You k*lled Charlie?

No, I Didn't k*ll Charlie.

I... I Just... Sat On Him.

And From That Point On,
I Swear...

Whenever He Would See Me,
He Wouldn't Chirp.

I'd Come Down The Hallway

And I'd Hear Him,
Chirp, Chirp, Chirping Away.

But As Soon As He Saw Me

He Just Stopped Chirping.

And Then He Would
Look At Me Like This:

Good Night, Cliff.

Good Night,
My Darling.

There We Go,
Right There!

Cliff?

Mm-Hmm?

Your Leg
Is Crushing Me.

Oh, Yeah?

Well, Twenty Years Ago,
It Wasn't Crushing You.

Twenty Years Ago
Your Leg Was A Lot Lighter.

Oh, Yeah?

Well, Twenty Years Ago,
You Were, Uh, Were...

Were Not As Beautiful
As You Are Now.

Take Your Hands
Off Me, Woman.

(Knocking)

Rudy:
Mommy, Daddy!

Come In, Honey.

I Think Darren's Sick.

He Is?

He Won't Run On His Wheel.

No, He's Not Sick,
Dear, He's Smart.

He Knows That Running
Around On That Wheel

He's Not Going Anywhere.

He Sneezed.

I Heard Him.

What Did It Sound Like?

(Imitating Small Sneeze) Kachoo! Kachoo!

Well, This Sounds Serious.

Daddy, Can You
Give Him A Checkup?

Of Course He Can, Honey.

What?

I Can't Give That Thing
A Checkup.

Yes, You Can, Cliff.

What, Take Him
To My Office?

No, Do It Here.

Look After
The Hamster Here?

Okay, Fine.

All Right, Dear.

Let Dad Take
A Look At It.

Dr. Hamster
Huxtable, Here.

Just Put Him
There On The Desk.

I'm Sure That
We Can Find Something

About This Good, Little,
Furry Thing Here.

All Right,
Grab Him.

Pull Him Out There.

This Is A Friend Of Yours,
Is It, Ma'am?

Take The Cage, Please.

All Right.

What Do You Think
Is Wrong With Him?

I Think He's Sick.

Sick?
All Right, Cough.

What's The Problem Now?

Let's See Your Teeth.

Say "Ah."

All Right,
You Hold On To Him There.

Now, Put Him Up Here.

Heartbeat Sounds Strong.

You Check It Out.

Heartbeat?

Sounds Fine, I Guess.

All Right, Put Him Back.

He Seems To Be Okay.

I Concur.

Good Night, Ma'am.

Good Night.

Thanks, Daddy.

You're Welcome.

Thank You, Mommy.

Good Night, Rudy.

Good Night,
Darren.

Darren,
Didn't I Tell You

This Is A Great Place
To Stay?

Cliff, That Was
Sweet Of You

To Examine Darren
Like That.

You Are Such A Sensitive,
Good And Caring Parent

And A Wonderful
Human Being.

Thank You.

Now Can I Put
My Leg On You?

Okay.

Ahh...

Okay, That's Enough.

You Hear That?

What?

A Little Hamster Sneeze.

Cliff, You Couldn't Hear
A Hamster Sneeze In This Room.

Don't Tell Me That.

I Know A Hamster Sneeze
When I Hear One.

You're Feeling Guilty
About What You Did To Charlie.

And What Do You Know
About Charlie?

Honey, Everybody Knows
You Sat On That Bird.

This Is A Cold-Blooded House
Around Here, Boy.

(Whispering:)
Darren.

Darren, Come Here.

Are You Okay?

Did You Sneeze?

Dad, What's The Matter?

I Thought I Heard
Darren Sneeze

And He Sounds
A Little Congested.

He Was Breathing Funny Before,
But I Didn't Want To Bother You.

You're Not
Bothering Me.

I Gave Him A Complete Physical.

What Should We Do?

First Thing Tomorrow,
We'll Take Him To The Vet.

He's Sick.

I Knew It.

Carolyn's Going To Hate Me.

Carolyn Won't Hate You.

You Didn't Make Him Sick, Dear.

Can We Take Him To The Vet Now?

Well, Dear, It's :
In The Morning.

He's Sick.

He Needs Help.

Maybe We Can Find
An All-Night Clinic.

We'll Take Him.

But This Is An Emergency.

We Should Call The Ambulance.

I Tell You What.

We'll Put Darren
In The Car

And While I'm Driving

You Roll Down
The Window

Put Your Head Out,
And Say

(Imitating Sirens)
"Woo, Woo, Woo."

Okay?

Now Here We Go,
Move It.

Emergency.
Let's Go.

Hello.

We Have A Sick Hamster.

My Daughter's In
The Ladies' Room.

She'll Be Out Shortly.

Your Name, Please.

Dr. Cliff Huxtable.

And Your Pet's Name?

It's Darren.

He's A Guest
At Our House.

We Didn't Do
Anything To Him.

I'll Put Down,
"Darren, The Hamster."

Is This An Emergency?

It's :
In The Morning.

It's An Emergency.

Take A Seat, Dr. Huxtable.

Excuse Us.

What's The Matter
With The Dog?

He's Depressed.

Before He Could Do
Many, Many Tricks.

Sit Up, Sparky.

Stand Up, Boy.

He's Doing It.

He Used To Do That
On His Own, Like This.

Just Like That,
On His Own.

Come Down.
That's A Good Boy.

Jump Off.

He's Afraid Of Heights.

Down, Boy.

Please.
That's A Good Boy.

Now, Front Legs...

Back Legs, Down.

Jump Off, Sparky.

Jump Off.

That's A Good Boy.

Mr. Hirondel?

How's Sparky Feeling?

Oh, Doctor, He's Still
Very, Very Depressed.

Come With Me, Mr. Hirondel.

Good Night.

Feel Better Now.

He'll Feel Better.

How's Darren?

Oh, Darren Is Just Fine.

Come Here.

Just Wait.

I'll Be Right Back.

Let's Check Your
Breathing, Darren.

There's Definitely Congestion.

I Heard Him Sneeze.

Let's Check Darren's Throat.

Your Glands
Are Swollen, Sweetheart.

And, Doctor,
She's Running A Fever.

She?

It's A She,
All Right.

What I'm Concerned About

Is The Possibility
Of Pneumonia, Bronchitis

Or Possibly Heart Failure.

We Can't Be Certain
Without X-Rays.

X-Ray?
Hamster X-Rays?

We Do A Two-Part Series:

Abdomen To Back
And Side To Side.

The Cost Is $ .

$ ?

Cost Isn't The Issue...

Is That In Addition
To The $ For The Office Visit?

You're Just Back?

Yes.

How's Darren?

Dead.

Died While We Were Waiting
For His $ X-Rays.

Poor Rudy.

She Must Be Devastated.

It's All My Fault.

Don't You Be Silly.

You Did Everything You Could.

I Could Have Taken Him
To The Vet Earlier.

Honey, You Didn't Know.

What Do You Mean?
I'm A Doctor.

Wait A Minute,
The X-Rays Cost $ ?

Yes, Indeed.

And I Also Spent
$ . On Darren # .

You're Going
To Buy Another Hamster

And Try To Pass It Off
As Darren?

That's Exactly
What I Plan To Do.

Don't Go So Fast;
You'll Get Tired.

Dad, This Hamster Is Great.

He's Healthy
And Loves To Play.

Right.

Does He Look Like Darren?

Almost Exactly.

Okay.

(Doorbell)

That's Carolyn.
I'll Get It.

Okay.

Rudy Darlin'.

Carolyn Darlin'.

Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

Hi, Carolyn.
How Was Your Trip?

Grandma Says I Can Bring
Darren Next Time.

That's Not Darren.

I Beg Your Pardon?

Oh, No. Don't Tell Me
Darren Died

And You Bought
Me A New One.

Darren Got Sick Last Night.

We Took Darren To The Vet.

We Did Everything We Could.

He Didn't Make It.

This Is The Fifth Time

I've Left My Hamster
With Somebody And It Died.

You've Had Five Hamsters Die?

You Did What Everyone Did:

Bought Me A New Hamster
And Tried To Fake Me Out.

Why Didn't You Say Something?

What Was I Supposed To Say?

You Were Supposed To Say

"Every Time I Leave A Hamster,
It Dies

So Don't Buy Me A New One."

Are You Sad?

I Can Handle It.

Everything Has To Go Sometime.

That's How Nature Works.

That's A Very Mature Way
To Look At It.

When People Keep
k*lling Your Hamsters

You Grow Up Pretty Fast.

Nothing!

Son, When I Heard
About The Hamster

I Thought Maybe
You Had A Heavy Heart

Seeing That Another Animal
In Your Care

Fell In Harm's Way.

You Have To Stop Telling
Everybody About Charlie.

Son, You Sat On The Bird.

Yeah, Okay.

It's Time You Faced Up To It.

I Have No Problem
Facing Up To It.

I Sat On The Bird.

I Also Noticed
That The Bird

Had A Chip On His Beak.

That's Not My Fault.

He Didn't Look Like That
After I Sat On Him.

There's A Reason
That Bird Had A Cracked Beak.

Why?

One Day

Charlie Went Down
Into The Basement

And Decided To Take A Nap
In A Pile Of Laundry.

Your Mother Didn't See Him

And Put The Whole
Pile Of Laundry

Into The Washing Machine.

Mom Washed Charlie?

Only For A Couple Of Minutes.

And Your Mama Heard...

(Knocking Sound)

She Pulled Him Out
Just In The Nick Of Time.

So That's How
He Chipped His Beak?

No. Your Mother Wanted
To Revive Charlie

So She Gave Him
An Eye-Dropper Full Of Brandy.

After He Got That

That Bird Started Flying
Willy-Nilly Around The Room

And Crashed Into The Wall.

That's What Chipped His Beak.

Now That I Think About It

Whenever He Saw Mom,
He Just Went The Other Way.

And He Gave Her
The Same Look He Gave Me.

I Brought Something For You.

I Was Looking Through
The Family Album

And I Found This Picture
Of You And Charlie.

Would You Look At This.

Am I Looking Strong
In This Knicker Suit?

Yes, Indeed.

With The Socks Falling Down.

And Look
At Charlie.

This Is Before The Sitting.

Thank You, Dad.

I Better Go Upstairs
And Talk To Rudy.

She Could Use Some
Consoling Now, Too.

Yeah.

Oh, Charlie.

Chirp, Chirp,
Chirp, Chirp, Chirp.

Well, You're Dead Now, Though.