04x20 - Pétanque

[bunniefuu]

(Knocking )

Come In.

Theo?

Hi.

You Left Your Calculus Book
On The Kitchen Table.

Thanks, Mom.

I'll Just Put It
On Your Desk.

I'm Sorry.
I'll Get Them.

Okay, Thanks.

What Is This?

Car And Woman Magazine.

Oh!

Hey, Mom!

That's No Big Deal.

I'll Take That.

I'd Like To Look At It.

Really,
It's Nothing--

Just A Bunch Of Cars.

There's More Than Cars.

There Are Women Draped
On Top Of Automobiles.

This Is Obscene!

No, All The Women
Are Dressed.

The Woman In The Back
Of The Convertible?

There's A Bikini.

I Don't See A Bikini.

No, Mom, It's There.

It's Tiny, So When
The Car Goes Fast

It Cuts Down
On The Wind Drag.

What Are You
Doing With This?

I Read The Articles.

Which Articles?

Uhh...

Let's See...

Umm...

Here We Go, Right Here.

The One On The V- Engine.

This One With "Tammy"
Leaning Across The Engine?

Oh, I Didn't Even
See Tammy There.

Precious, What's Wrong
With Your Eyesight?

How Could You Not See This Woman
Who Is Hiding Half The Engine?

Theo, This Magazine
Is Demeaning To Women.

No, This Magazine
Makes Women Look Great.

It Shows They Can Be
Mechanically Inclined.

So This Woman Tammy

Is The Kind Of Woman
You Want To End Up With?

No. I'd Like To Date
A Few Girls Like Tammy.

But Later On

I'd Like To Settle Down
With Someone Like You.

Really?
What Am I Like?

You're Smart

You Make A Lot Of Money,
And Look Good For Your Age.

If Those Are
The Kind Of Lines You Use

You'll Need Every Car
In That Magazine.

Get Rid
Of This Thing.

And Any Others
Like This You May Have.

Yes, Mom.

Thank You.

Say "Good-Bye"
To Tammy.

No, Nicole, I Insist.

Don't Bring A Thing.

You Made Dinner
For Us Last Time.

I'll See You Sunday.

Bye.

What's
Happening?

I Invited
Nicole And James Harmon

For Dinner Sunday.

James Harmon Is Coming!

Where Are You Going?

I'm Going To Rake
The Petanque Court.

Don't Play That Bocci Ball
Foolishness On Sunday.

It's Not Bocci Ball.

It's Petanque.

Understand?

I Don't Care What It's Called.

When You Two Go Out Back

With That Little Steel Ball
In Your Hands

Something Goes To Your Brains.

And Then Two Grown
Intelligent Men--

Doctors--
Act Like Juveniles.

I Wish Your Patients
Could See You Argue Over A Ball.

That's Why You
Don't Know Anything.

See, It's
Not Arguing.

It's Debate.

"Debate"?

Debate.

The Last Time You Debated,
Our Neighbors Called The Police.

And What Happened?

The Police Came

And James And I
Explained The Game.

The Next Thing You Know,
They Were Playing With Us.

And The Sergeant Came

And He Played.

There Was Nobody
At The Police Station.

Promise Me Just Once We Can Have
A Nice, Relaxed Evening

Where The Men Come In

And Eat Their Dinner And Dessert
And Drink Some Coffee

And Talk To Their Wives
About World Issues.

Okay, We'll Eat Early

And Talk Fast.

I'm Throwing Away
The Magazines.

Theo, Are All Of Those
Car And Woman Magazines?

No. Some Of Them
Arebikes And Babes.

Get Them Out.

Yes, Mom.

♪ Be-De-Bump! ♪

♪ Be-De-Bump! ♪

♪ I'm Going To Play Petanque! ♪

( Doorbell )

Hey, Cliff!

They're Here!

Cliff, They're Here!

Hi!
Hi!

Look Who
We Brought.

Oh, My Goodness!

Lindy!

How Are
You Doing?

Hi, James.

Somebody's Been
Waiting For You.

Oh, Really.

Cliff!

Lindy!

I Haven't Seen You
In So Long.

You Have Really Grown.

When You Go Away
To Boarding School

Everyone Says

"Gee, I Haven't Seen You
Since You Were This High."

Cliff!

What's The Matter
With You?

I Want You To See...

Look At Lindy!

Ah, Shucks...

How Are You?

Ooh, Shucks.

My Love.

I Guess There's
No One Else Standing Here.

Not Anybody
I Want To See.

What's That In Your Hand,
Dr. Huxtable?

It Looks Like To Me

Something That's Going To
Humiliate And Defeat Dr. Harmon.

It Looks Like
One Of Those Evenings.

Don't Worry.

Cliff Promised They Won't Play
Until After Dinner.

Let's Have Dinner Now.

Let's Eat Dessert Now.

Then We'll Play!

We Will Not!

Clair:
Come Back
And Sit Down.

We're Going To Make
Ourselves Comfortable And Enjoy

A Leisurely Evening
Of Conversation.

Lindy, How Long Are You In Town?

A Few Days.

I'm Going To Oregon
On An Outward Bound Expedition.

Oh, Yes!

Sit Down.

Outward Bound.

I've Heard Of This.

It's Very Tough.

Last Summer,
I Went Kayaking Off Maine.

In Oregon, I'm Rock Climbing.

Rock Climbing.

It's A Foot Shorter
Than Mount Everest

And They Call It A Rock.

Daddy...

Hi, Everybody.

Hi, Dr. Harmon.

Hi, Mrs. Harmon.

Hello, Theo.

You Remember Lindy?

Hi, Theo.

Hi.

I Haven't Seen You
Since You Were .

Yeah, They Grow Up,
Don't They, Son?

If You'll Excuse Me,
I'm Going To Check On The Roast.

Mom, I'll Help You.

You Will?

Sure.

Mom!

Lindy Did Not
Look Like That Before!

Like What?

The Girl's Unbelievable!

If I Knew She Looked Like That,
I Would Have Dressed Better.

You Dress According
To How The Girl Looks?

Of Course.

If The Girl Was Not Attractive

You'd Wear A Ripped T-Shirt?

No, Come On.
I'm A Gentleman.

Even If The Girl
Was Unattractive

I'd Wear
A Clean T-Shirt.

I See.

You Think Maybe I Could
Borrow The Good Car

And Lindy And I
Could Go For A Spin?

Get Some Dessert?

I'll Think About It.

I Thought You Wanted
To Help Check The Roast.

Oh, Right.

( Sniffing )

Smells Good.

That Was Such
A Delicious Meal, Mrs. Huxtable.

Thank You.

Dinner's Over, Right?

Can We Play Petanque?

No, We Haven't Had Our Coffee.

Make Mine Instant.

Right, And You Don't
Have To Stir Mine.

No.

Lindy, You Won't
Have Dinner Like This

When You Go
To Outward Bound.

No, I Know.

I'll Eat
Freeze-Dried Food

On A Mountain.

I Hear You're Going To Oregon.

Yeah.

You Driving?

No, I'm Going To Fly.

That's Too Bad.

I Think The Best Way
To See This Country

Is In A Ferrari.

Why Don't You Show Her
Your Ferrari In The Garage?

I Don't Have
A Ferrari For Real.

But Can't You See Yourself
Behind The Wheel Of One?

No.

Or Lying On The Hood?

Mom!

I Think Theo
Really Likes Lindy.

I Think He Loves Her!

Keep It Down
Over There.

Lindy, Why Don't
We Go Somewhere

And Talk About
Outward Bound?

Sure.

I've Got A Pamphlet
In The Car.

Let's Go.

I'd Love
To Hear It, Too.

Stop Right There.

Theo Can Tell You
About Outward Bound Later.

Go In Our Room
And Watch Tv.

Maybe There's
A Love Story On.

Maybe It's About
Love In A Ferrari.

Thanks, Mom.

This Has Been
A Pleasant Dinner

Because Nobody
Talked About "Le-t*nk."

That's Not Correct.

It's "Puh-Tonk."

Dear, It's "Pay-Tonk,"
"Pay-Tonk."

The Pronunciation
Is "Petanque."

And You Also Say Toe-Mah-Toe.

Yes, I Do

Because That's The Civilized Way
To Pronounce It.

Oh, I'm Civilized.

Didn't I Serve You Poe-Tah-Toes?

Save It For The Game.

It Doesn't Matter

Whether You Pronounce It
Pay-Tonk, Le-Tonk

Or Le-Ta-Toky-Toky

It's How You Play
The Game That Counts

And I Know How To Play The Game.

I Can Beat You
Anyplace, Anytime.

Well, The Place Is Out There,
And The Time Is Now.

I Accept

Your Challenge.

Let's Go.

I'm Going To See
How Tough You Are.

When I'm
Through With You

You Won't Even Have
A Pair Of Pajamas Left.

All Right.

How Do You Like It?

Oh, Good, Good.

One Official Size Petanque Court

And Now...

I Will Just Draw
The Circle Here.

Ah-Ha!

How's That?

Okay.

We Will Play To

And The Best Two
Out Of Three.

Agreed.

All Right.

My Lucky Hat.

It Was Given To Me

By The Petanque
Champion Of Barcelona.

After I Send Him These Results

He'll Probably
Put Dog Food In It.

Cliff, In France

The Best Players Are
Men Of Retired Age

Which Gives You
An Advantage

Since You're So Much
Older Than I Am.

With Your Extra Weight,
You Can Push The Ball...

Toss The Ball!

All Right, There's The Court.

There's The Toss.

Looks Good.

Throw The First Ball.

I Tossed The Goal.

You Go Ahead.

Fine.

I Want To Make Sure
I Have Enough Room To Throw.

You Think That's Wise?

It's Degrees Out Here.

Are You Afraid
Of A Little Frost?

Can't You Stand The Cold?

Mom, Guess What.

Lindy's Teaching Me
To Climb Rocks.

Oh, Really? Where?

In The Basement.

We Won't Make A Climb.

I'll Just Show Theo
Some Basics.

Is It Okay?

Yeah, I Just Didn't Know
You Were Into Rock Climbing.

Mom, You Know I've
Mentioned It Several Times.

Right, You Have.

And You Have All Those Rock
Climbing Magazines In Your Room.

I Subscribe
To Some Of Those.

Which Do You Read?

Theo Likes
Rock And Woman.

Let's Go, Lindy.

Let's Go.

Okay, It's All Set.

I Just Want To Show You
Some Techniques.

Not Make A Climb.

Lindy, I Think I'm Ready
For The Real Thing Now.

All Right.

Let Me Just Make Sure
These Ropes Are Secure.

This Is Pretty Shaky.

It's Been Like That For Years.

It Will Hold.

Let's Get Started.

Now First

You Have To Secure A Safety
Rope Around Your Waist

Like This.

I Feel Secure Already.

I Think You Can Handle This

On Your Own.

Now, Clip This In Here.

Like That.

Make Sure Your
Equipment Is Secure.

Check.

I Think I'm Really Beginning
To Understand Rock Climbing.

It's Kind Of Like A Relationship
Between Two People.

How's That?

First You Have To
Take It Step By Step.

And You Have To

Put A Lot Of Care Into It.

Until That Beautiful Moment

When You Plant Your Flag
At The Top Of The Mountain.

But A Lot Of Men Get k*lled

Before They Reach
The Top Of The Mountain.

I'm Not Like Those Other Guys.

I Bet I Can Get

To The Top Of The Banister
With No Trouble.

I Haven't Taught You
How To Climb Yet.

You Don't Have To.

I've Soaked It In
Just Being Near You.

Watch This.

If It's Too Cold
Out Here For You

You Can Bow Out
Gracefully.

Why Should I Bow Out?

I'm Ahead To .

One Point Away
From Sweet Victory.

The Only Reason
I Say That Is Because

You Were Born
And Raised In Trinidad.

It's Kind Of Hot
Down There

And This Cold Weather Might
Get On That Skin Of Yours

And Dry It Up.

You Might Break Up
Into Little Pieces.

I'll Have To
Pick You Up

And Spread You Over
Your Wife's Flower Bed.

With Your Aim, I Might
End Up On The Roof.

I'm Sorry.

The Reason I Was Talking
Through That Whole Thing

Is Because This
Is A Very Important Point

And You're Under
A Lot Of Pressure!

I Am Feeling
No Pressure, Man.

The Only Reason I'm Still
Talking About This

Is Because That Ball Might Be
Getting Heavy In Your Hand.

Man, This Ball Is As Light
Like A Feather.

That Ball
Is Kissing The Goal.

Well, Your Ball Is Going
To Kiss Some Dirt Here.

Ha, I Got You.

I Got You!

Got What?

I Got You!

Look At That.

In Your Dreams.

No, No, No, No.

Are You Saying
You Are Closer?

I'm Saying My Ball...

Whoa, Don't Touch The Ball.

I'm Not.

I'm Saying That...

Don't Touch The Ball.

I Didn't Touch The Ball.

What Are You Saying?

Are You Saying

That Your Ball

Which Is This Far Away

Is Closer Than My Ball

Which Is This Far Away?

Are You Saying The Statue
Of Liberty Is This Tall?

My Friend, You Are Near-Sighted

Short-Sighted, Far-Sighted
And Hind-Sighted.

Okay, Then Let's Do This.

Why Don't I Get A Ruler
And Measure It?

Agreed.

I'll Get My Ruler...

No, No, No...

I Don't Trust Your Ruler.

I Knew Something Like This
Was Going To Happen.

I Brought My Own.

My Goodness.

Don't Touch A Thing Here.

We'll Use Your Ruler.

I'll Get My Wife
To Be An Impartial Judge.

No, We'll Use Your Ruler
And My Wife.

I Tell You What.

No Rulers.

Why Not Just Use Our Wives?

Fine With Me.

All Right.

By The Way, You Owe Me $ .
For The Dinner.

You Owe Me $ For The Dinner
You Had At My House.

Why, Because You
Served Me To-Mah-Toes?

Nicole, Honey,
Get Your Coat.

We Need You To Judge
Who's The Winner.

Claire,
I Want You

To Come And Keep Her Honest.

Please Close That Door.

We're Not Going Anywhere.

We're Not
Getting Involved.

We Can't Declare The Winner
Unless You Come.

I Have An Idea.

Why Don't You Two
Go Back Outside

Strip Down To Your Undershorts
And Run Around The Block.

Whoever Gets Back First

Is The Winner.

Obviously, You Don't Care About
The Importance Of This Game.

They Would Have
Declared Me Winner.

Winner Of Cheating.

Theo:
Ooww!!!

What Happened Here?

I Fell From The Banister.

Are You All Right?

Yeah.

Well, Honey, What
Were You Doing?

I Was Trying To Show Lindy
I Can Climb Rocks.

Mom, I Could Have
Been Seriously Hurt.

Don't Worry,
I'm An Orthopedist.

If You're Hurt,
I Can Fix You.

Keep An Eye On Him, Son.

He'll Look At Your Scapula
And Bandage Your Face.

You're Lucky Your Father Doesn't
Have To Take Care Of You.

He'd Hold You By The Ankles
And Slap You On The Bottom.

What Made You Think This
Banister Could Support A Climb?

It Wasn't The Climb
That Broke The Banister.

It Broke When Theo
Did A Handstand On It.

It Was A Good Handstand.

This Is Nice To See.

Mrs. Harmon, I Thought
You Left A Long Time Ago.

We Tried, But
The Car Wouldn't Start.

Did You Call The Auto Club?

No, Your Father
And My Husband

Decided They Wanted
To Start The Car Themselves.

They Have Managed
To Disconnect

Every Hose And Wire
Connected To The Engine.

You Better Get A Mechanic Quick

Before They Do
Some Major Damage.

Don't Worry,
Everything's Under Control.

Lindy Stepped In
And Is Fixing Everything.

Lindy Knows How To Fix Cars?

It's A Hobby Of Hers.

Oh, I'm Impressed.

Take A Good Look Because This
Is The Picture You Want To See.

That Young Lady Is Not
Draped Over The Hood.

She's Underneath It, Working.

And Note The Position
Of The Men.

They Are Exactly
Where They Belong:

Sitting On The Curb.