03x20 - Cliff's 50th Birthday

[bunniefuu]

Clair?

Yes?

Have You Seen My Other
Blue Argyle Sock?

For The Past Three Months

You've Been Asking
For That Sock.

It's Gone.

It'll Turn Up.

I Think It Got Lost
In The Laundry.

Give This One To Me
For A Dust Rag.

You're Not Using It
As A Dust Rag.

Socks Do This On Purpose.

When They're Together,
They Say

"You Go And I'll Go,
Then He'll Find One Of Us

"And He'll Walk Around:
'Clair, Have You Seen My Sock?'

"He'll Throw You Away,
And Then I'll Show Up.

It Drives Him Crazy."

I'll Buy You A New Pair
For Your Birthday.

No, That's Not
Necessary, Dear.

How Do You Want
To Celebrate?

Oh, It Doesn't
Make Any Difference.

Nothing Special.

No, Come On, Now!

This Is A Very Special Birthday.

Are You Kidding?

Just Because There's A Number
With A Zero On It?

Are You Afraid Of Turning ?

I Am Not Afraid.

I'll Just Jump To
If You Want Me To.

Wait, I Know!

We'll Give You Something
You've Never Had.

Measles.

No.

What?
A Party.

For Just You And Your Friends.

And The Children?

Celebrate With Them
In The Afternoon

And Have The Adult Party
At Night.

You're Kidding.

Invite Whomever You Please.

I Can?
Yes.

Oh, I'm Ready.

Just A Second.

I'll Get A Pad And A Pencil

And We'll Start This Right Now.

Put Down Harry Jefferson.

Harry Jefferson.

Put Him Down.

We Played Football In School.

Yes, I Remember Harry Jefferson.

He's The Clown That Smashes
Empty Cans On His Head.

Dear, That Was Years Ago.

You Don't Know That.

Lord Knows What His Head
Looks Like.

All Right.

Clarence Petway.

We Were In Medical School
Together.

He Used To Come To Dinner

And Talk About Accident Victims
He Was Treating.

He Loves His Work.

I'm Supposed To
Spend Three Days Cooking

So He Can Wreck
Everybody's Appetite?

So You Don't Want Clarence?

Next.

Okay, Here's Somebody

That You And I
Haven't Seen In Awhile.

Okay.

Mark Ettin.

Dear,
Mark Ettin--

Come On Now.

He's Your Friend
And He's My Friend.

He's Your Friend.

Margie Ettin Is My Friend.

Of Course, They Aren't
Together Anymore.

They Got Divorced,
That's True.

But Margie Has Remarried

And Her Last Name
Isn't Ettin Anymore.

It Shouldn't Have Been
Ettin To Begin With.

You Said To Me--

I Think--

"You're Going To Have
A Grown-Up Party.

You Can Choose Whomever..."

I Gave You Three Names

And Every Time, You Went...

Do Me A Favor.

Of The Three

I Want You To Choose
The One You Like Most

Of The Ones You Dislike.

All Right.

Mark Ettin.

All Right!

I'll Bury My Grudges
For One Evening.

And Bless You For Your Kindness.

Here's
Another One.

Somebody Who Helped Me
When I Was Young And Growing Up

And Helped Me To Mature.

Who?

Eunice Chantilly.

I'm Going...

You're Not Going Anywhere.

You Come Back Here!

Ah.

Did You Enjoy
Your Birthday Lunch?

Yes, My Favorite Cake

Made By My Favorite Children.

Did You Like The Scrambled Eggs
With Peanut Butter?

No!

I Made It.

I Loved It!

Lovely!

Wonderful!

Okay, So Here We Go
With The Main Event.

What Do You Mean?

You Know.

Where's My Present?

Dad, The Lunch
Was Your Present.

No! No, I...

You Asked For A Birthday Lunch.

No, My Present--

Something In A Box
With A Ribbon On It.

Let's Hit It!

But You Told Us
To Keep It Simple.

Right.

Simple And Expensive.

Okay, Cliff.

The Children
Do Have Something For You.

I Take It
It's In The Living Room?

Yes, But Don't Look.

Okay.

Close Your Eyes
And Follow Me.

Close My Eyes
And Follow You?

Where Are You
Leading Me?

Are They Closed?

Yes, But Why Is
The Easel There?

No Fair, You Peeked!

Well, I'm Sorry,
I Had To See The Chair.

Have A Seat.

Sondra:
Let Us Begin.

Turning Is A Monumental Event
In A Man's Life.

Oh, Lord, Who Let This Child
In The House?

Some Men Have Been Known
To Be Traumatized

By Reaching
The Half-Century Mark.

We'd Like To Make You Feel
More Comfortable About Your Age.

This Is Sad.

And So, We Proudly
Present...

"Things That Are
Older Than Dad!"

This Is Dad.
He's .

Fifty.
Dad.

Some Might Think
Is Old

But There Are
Even Older Things.

The Light Bulb
Is Older Than Dad.

The Wheel Is
Older Than Dad.

Fire Is Older
Than Dad.

Dirt...

Is Older
Than Dad.

All Of These Items
Have Proven Themselves

Through The Test Of Time

And We Need Them Very Much.

Just Like Dad!

May I Have
My Present, Please?

We Have
A Present.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

Thank You Very Much.

We All Chipped In.

It's Something
You Could Use.

All Right.

Now, What Is It?

A Key Ring That
Beeps When You Clap.

Oh, Really?

Because You're Always
Losing Your Keys.

Now When You Lose Them,
Just Do This:

( Beeping )

That's All Right.

( Nothing Happens )

Try Again.

( Nothing Happens )

Something
Must Be Wrong.

( Beeping )

I Want To Try.

Yay!
( Beeping )

I'll Try From Back Here.

( Beeping )

That's It, Cliff.

You're Sitting
Too Close.

( Nothing Happens )

Maybe It Doesn't Work
For Adults.

( Beeping )

Okay, This Is
A Practical Joke, Right?

No.

You're Pressing
A Button Somewhere, Huh?

Maybe Your Hands
Aren't Built Right.

My Hands Are Fine.

It's Supposed To Work
For Everybody.

It Doesn't Work For Me.

Can I Have It?

No, You Can't
Have It!

This Is Something
I Will Cherish Forever.

It Was Given To Me
By My Children.

Let's Hear It For Dad!

( Beeping )

She Did Not.

At Least
I Told The Truth.

When We First Met,
You Said You Were Famous.

I Was Famous.

Where?

In Saginaw, Michigan.

( Doorbell )

Must Be Mark.

I Can't Wait
To See Him.

Finally.

Hey!

How You Doing, Mark?

Heathcliff...
Yeah?

I'd Say You Look Good For ,
But I'd Be Lying.

I'd Say You Look Good,
But You Never Did.

Who Is This?
Your Wife?

You Remember
My Daughter, Ellen.

Not The Ellen Who Used To
Dribble Milk On My Shirt.

Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

Doctor?

You Call Me
"Uncle" Doctor Huxtable.

Hi, Everybody.

Hi!

Sorry I'm Late.

Traffic Was Backed Up
For Miles.

You Got Lost.

He Did.

Shh.

Hi, Clair.

Hello, Mark.

How Are You?

I'm Fine.

Ellen, How Are You?

What A Surprise.

We Weren't Expecting
To See You.

It Was My Mom's Weekend,
But She Caught A Cold.

All The Girls
Have Gone To See A Movie.

That's Okay.

No, No.
My Son Is Here.

You Can Hang Out
With Him.

Theo!

Yeah, Dad?

Come Down And
Meet Some People.

Be Right Down.

Theo's Home Alone.

He's Got No Place To Go.

Hi.

Son, I Want You
To Meet Mark Ettin...

Hi.
Hi.

And His Daughter,
Ellen.
Hi.

Hi.

Nice Meeting You.
Son.

Wouldn't You Like To Take
Ellen To A Movie Tonight?

Dad, I'd Like To,
But I Just Made Plans.

No Problem,
I'll Set An Extra Place.

Let's Eat.

Good, I'm Starved.

Son, I Want To Talk
To You In The Kitchen.

Well, Clair, It's Been
A Long Time, Hasn't It?

Yes, It Has.

How's Everything
At The Law Office?

Busy.

How Is Denise Adjusting
To College Life?

Fine.

Son, I'd Really
Appreciate It

If You Would
Look After Ellen Tonight.

I Don't Think She'll Have Fun
With The Adults.

But Some Kids Are Meeting
At The Roller Rink.

Okay, Then Take Her Along.

I Can't Take Ellen
Out In Public.

Why?

She's A Kid.

She's .

What Would People Say

If They Saw Me With Her?

They'd Say I Was
Robbing The Cradle.

That Girl Is Gorgeous.

She's Beautiful.

I'm Sorry,
All I See Is .

There's A Certain Age
That You Said To Me

"Dad, I'm Going To Party
Until I'm Burnt Out

Then Find A Woman
To Settle Down With."

What Age Is That?

Twenty-Four.

When You're

She Will Be Around Or .

And You'll Be Looking
For Somebody.

Wouldn't It Be Nice
To Be Nice To Her

So She Will Remember You
When You're ?

All Right, I'll Do It--
Because It's Your Birthday.

Thank You.

And On My th Birthday

If She Turns Out
As Beautiful As You Say

You Have To Find Her
And Bring Her To My Party.

All Right.

And There's Hector--

The Only One Who Can Ski--

Standing On The Slope, Saying

"I Will Ski Beautifully,
And You Can Eat My Snow."

That's Him.

We Were Lucky
Margie Was Around.

Whenever Anyone Fell,
She Would Say

"Get Up.
You Can Do It."

She Had Team Spirit.

Margie Never Complained
About Anything.

Except The Cold.

I Spent A Fortune
Buying Hot Chocolate.

Can't Blame Margie For That.

It Was Cold.

We've Been Sitting Here
Too Long.

You All Move
Into The Living Room.

We'll Straighten Up

And Be Right In.

Let's Move Before They Start
Another Football Story.

No More Football Stories.

Did I Ever Tell You About
When Cliff And I Ran Track?

Can You Believe That Man?

Huh?

Complaining That Margie Spent
Too Much Money

On Hot Chocolate.

That Was A Joke.

It Was A Poor Joke.

You Know Better,
Because You Were There.

It Was Cold.

I Know.

I Drank Chocolate, Too.

You Didn't Complain.

No, I Didn't.

Tell You What--

Why Don't We Brew Some Coffee

Take Some Deep Breaths

And Then Go In The Living Room.

I Don't Want To Be
Near That Man--

Looking Like A Peacock,
Criticizing Margie.

I Want To Smack Him!

You Brew The Coffee.

I'll Go Get A Football Helmet
And Put It On His Head.

Just A Little Joke.

Hey, Let's Get Moving
With The Java.

I Just Finished Making
A Lovely Presentation.

Where's Clair?

She's Downstairs

Soaking The Tablecloth.

I'll Help.

No, You'd Be Better Off

Up Here With Me.

You're Done.

I Said You'd Be Better Off
Up Here Helping Me.

There's A Problem, Isn't There?

Yeah.

I Thought
When I Was Invited Tonight

I Was Forgiven For
What Happened With Margie.

Clair Just Needs A Little Time.

I'd Really Like
To Talk To Clair.

Okay, Go Ahead.

But Remember, You Don't Have Me
To Block For You.

With The Way You Blocked

I Got Used To
Running Unprotected.

Okay. Good Luck.

I Hope You
Straighten Things Out.

Then She Might Let You
Come Play With Me.

I'm Taking The Coffee In!

Cliff, I'll Be In
As Soon As I Put These...

Dishes In The Dishwasher.

Let Me Help You.

I've Got This Under Control.

Why Don't You Join The Others?

Will We Ever Clear This Up?

Clear What Up?

Ever Since Marge And I
Got Divorced

I've Been In Your Doghouse.

This Isn't The Time
To Talk About This.

You're Right--
I'll Bring It Up

When We're
Having Coffee.

I Think I See A Smile.

It's Okay.
I Won't Tell.

Leave Me Alone.
I'm Angry With You.

At Least You've Said It.

Thank You.
You're Welcome.

Why Can't You Forgive Me?

I Don't Know.

It's Been Five Years
Since The Divorce.

I Have A Good
Memory.

You Did Something
I Cannot Easily Forgive.

I'm Not
Denying It.

I Cheated On Margie.

Yes, You Did.

And I'm Sorry.

I Was Wrong. I Hurt Her.

Yes, You Did.

When I Realized That,
I Was Never Sorrier.

I Haven't Stopped
Loving Margie.

But She's Remarried
And Happy.

I Can't Beg Her To Come Back.

But Until I Die, I'll Never
Ever Find A Friend Like Her.

Margie Is A Good Friend.

We Get Along Now.
She's Forgiven Me.

Are You Telling The Truth?

Yes. Just Think About
Giving Me A Chance.

I'll Think About It.

Cliff Said If We Work It Out,
You'll Let Me Play With Him.

Please.

Do You Mind
If I sh**t Some Hoops?

No.

Looks Like You've Got
A Pretty Good Dunk Shot.

You Know About Basketball?

Dad Takes Me To Games.

Really?

If The ers Make The Finals,
Dad Said He'd Get Tickets.

Whoa.

We Do A Lot Together.

Last Summer We Went
Backpacking In Maine.

Next Month, We're Going
White-Water Rafting In Colorado.

What's The Matter?

I'm Trying To Picture
Vanessa And Dad

Alone In A Raft
Going Down A River.

Dad Likes To Do
Things With Me.

He Makes The Most
Of Our Time Together.

How Long Have Your Parents
Been Divorced?

About Five Years.

Was It Rough?

Well, I Was Only Seven.

I Cried
A Lot.

I'm Now.

I Understand
These Things Happen.

You're Pretty Together
About All This.

Thanks.

Want To Take A Shot?

Okay.

I'm Better At Watching.

Can You Roller Skate?

Yeah.

Want To Go To The Rink?

Sure.

Let's Get Our Coats.

We May Run Into My Friends.

How About If I Say
You're Baby-Sitting Me?

You Don't Have To Do That.

We'll Just Tell Them
You're My Cousin From Missouri.

Clair, Adieu.

Adieu.

Parting Is Such
Sweet Sorrow.

Please Take That Phony Accent

And Get Out.

All:
Good-Bye.

Happy Birthday,
Brother.

Thank You.

I'll See You.

I'll Be Blocking
For You.

Thanks. Good Night.

Good Night.

Oh, That Was Lovely.

That Was Lovely.
Thank You.

Thank You So Much.

I Enjoyed It.

I'm Glad You
Enjoyed That.

( Nothing Happens )

You Did Something To It.

( Beeping )

What Did You Do?

The Key Ring
Does Not Like You

But I Do.

You Do?

Oh, Yes.

If I Clap,
Will You Beep For Me?

Maybe.

Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep.

I Had A Talk With Mark.

Oh, Yeah?

Did You Smack Him?

No, I Listened To Him.

Good.

It's Tough Being Divorced
And Having Your Friends

Like You And
Not Like You.

I Would Imagine
That If We Were Divorced

How Many People...

You've Been Thinking About This?

What I'm Talking About Is...

What Are You Talking About?

I'm Making A Point.

What's The Point?

There Is No Point.

I Wasn't...

I Didn't Say Anything.

Where Would You Stay
If We Broke Up?

I Don't Think I Could Live

If We
Broke Up.

You Know Where You'd Stay.

Where?

At That Fool's House.

What..?

That Fool That Puts Cans
On His Head

And Squashes
Them.

You All Would Have
A Bachelor Pad.

You'd Have All-Night Parties
Of Degradation.

I Would Not.

You'll Be Sorry
When I Say My Piece

Which Is Truth.

When The Children
Were In There

And Brought The Cake
With The Candles

And I Blew Them Out

The Wish Was We Would Always
Be In Love With Each Other

Forever

And Married

And Together Forever.

Now.

You Did That?

I Did.

Because You Are A Lawyer

And If We Got Divorced, You
Would Take Me For Everything.

You Got That Right.

Yes, Indeed.

Let's Go To Bed.

Now You're Talking.

I Want You To Know

I'm Happy My
Birthday Is Over

Because This
Stomach Of Mine...

No More Cake
In This Thing.

( Beeping )