03x02 - Food for Thought

[bunniefuu]

Mom.

Yes?

Denise Is Going Away
To College Tonight, Right?

Right.

Then We Need To Talk.

About What?

Vanessa Said She's Going
To Move Into Denise's Room.

You'll Have Your Own Room.

I Don't Want It.

Why Not?

What If Somebody Comes In?

Like Who?

The Wolfman.

Oh, Rudy.

We Talked About The Wolfman.

He Exists Only In The Movies.

The People In The Movies
Say That--

Then Wolfman Eats Them.

Oh, I See.

You Want Vanessa In Your Room

Just In Case
The Wolfman Comes In.

He'd Eat Her First.

She's Much Bigger.

If You Think The Wolfman
Is Coming Into Your Room

Come See Daddy And Me.

I May Not Have Time.

I'll Put A Plate Of Cookies
Next To Your Bed.

If The Wolfman Comes In,
He's Going To See Them.

While He's Eating Them
You Can Get Away.

Good Idea!

He Likes Chocolate Chip.

Okay.

Thanks, Mom.

All Right.

Clair!

Yes?

How Was The Delivery?

Oh, Listen.

It Never Fails.

You Get A Woman Who Is ' "

Give Birth To
A -Pound, -Ounce Baby.

So, How Is Bob?

His Brother Called And Said
Bob Doesn't Need Bypass Surgery.

Wonderful.

The Doctor Unclogged That Artery
With A Balloon.

Oh, Angioplasty.

He's Up And Around.

He'll Be Back To Work Soon.

Good For Him.

Bob's Brother Thinks
It Had To Do With
The Way Bob Eats.

Yeah, I Believe That.

You Know How He
Liked Those Fried,
Greasy Foods.

Of Course.

Oh, And The Fat.

The Man Practically
Lived Off Of Cream Cheese

And Butter
And Eggs.

You Know What Else
He Had A Lot Of?

What's That?

Salt.

I Just Had A Physical

And Doctor Brooks Gave Me
A Clean Bill Of Health.

Maybe, But You And Bob
Eat The Same Foods

And You're The Same Age.

No, We Are Not The Same Age.

But Bob Is .

I'm Not .

Okay, So You're .

Dear, That's A Different Decade.

Cliff, That Is A Year.

OneYear.

Look, I Have The Metabolism
Of A Young Man

And I Can Eat
Whatever I Want To.

Why?

Because My Body Can Absorb It.

You've Seen Me Eat
And You Know For Yourself

That I Have Never Been Full

In My Life.

That's Why You
Get Up From The
Dining Room Table

Unbuckle Your Belt

Go Into The Living Room,
And Fall Asleep On The Couch?

Because I Work Hard.

Because You
Eat Hard.

And Then You Wake Up
From Your Nap

With Your Mouth All Dried Out

From All The Salt You Put
All Over Your Food

Saying--

(Raspy Voice)
"Clair, Clair,
I Need Something To Drink.

"No, No,
Clair.

"Not Water.

Something With Bubbles In It."

Why Are You
Picking On Me?

Because You're
Years Old.

We've Already Established That.

Okay?

It's Time For You To Take
Better Care Of Yourself.

You Have A Tendency To Eat
Large Amounts Of Everything

Except Fruits And Vegetables

Which You Don't Eat Enough Of.

That's Where You're Wrong.

I Eat Raw Vegetables.

You've Seen Me Eat Them.

How Do You Eat Them?

I Put Them In My Mouth
And Chew Them.

What Is The Matter With You?

You Take A Piece Of Celery

Wrap It In Bologna

And Dip It In Cream Cheese.

I Do That For The Taste.

You Are A Junk Food Junkie.

You Couldn't Stop Eating
This Kind Of Food

For One Day
If You Tried.

Do You Know Why?

Because You Are Weak And Sad.

I Will Have You Know
That I Possess Something

That People Wish They Had.

And That Is
The Huxtable Iron Will--

Which Was Given To Me
By My Great-Grandfather--

Who Took A Piece Of Swampland

And Drained It
With His Bare Hands

Built A -Room House
With No Tools

Out Of Twigs, Leaves, And Rocks.

You Know Why?

Because Somebody Said
He Couldn't Do It.

He Didn't Even Want The House.

So You Could Just Stop Eating
This Kind Of Food

Just Like That?

Anytime I Wanted To

Because I Have An Iron Will.

I've Been Eating Like This
Since I Was Four.

Yes, Darling.

But Now You Are
Four-Ty Nine

And Your Little Arteries Don't
Unclog The Way They Used To.

And Who Should Know

Better
Than Me?

Would You Like
To Unclog My Arteries?

Could You Not Eat That Sandwich?

Of Course I Could,
If I Wanted To.

Don't Eat It.

You Think You're
Psyching Me Out?

That's Really An Old Game.

I'll Tell You
What I'm Going To Do.

I'm Not Going
To Eat This Sandwich

Not Because
You Said So

But Because I Say So.

I Will Not Eat It.

I Can Throw This Away.

No, No, No!

Don't Throw It Away.

Denise Loves This.

I'll Give It
To Denise.

She's Going To
College Tonight.

Cliff...

I Won't Eat It.

I Promise You As A Husband
And A Gentleman.

My Lips Won't
Touch This Sandwich.

You're Sure?

Okay.

Because The Lips
That Touch This Sandwich

Will Never Touch Mine.

At Every College

They Bring The Freshmen
Into This Big Room

Where They
Tell You--

"Look To Your Left
And Your Right.

Those People Won't Be Here
When You Graduate."

Won't Some Of Them

Look
At Me?

Yes.

Why Even Show Up?

If You Work Really Hard
At Hillman, You'll Do
Fine.

We Grew Fungus Like This
In My Biology Class.

Hi, Everybody.

Can I Have Some?

No, This Is
For Denise.

Before You Go Away
To College.

Thank You.

However, I'll Share.

All Right.

Dad?

I Really
Shouldn't.

No, No, Thank You.

This Is One Of Your
Special Sandwiches!

We Always Share These.

Maybe Just
A Goodbye Bite.

Just A Goodbye Bite.

To You...

And To Say Goodbye.

I Don't Believe You!

What?

You Are So Pitiful.

I Didn't...

You Couldn't Even Last
Five Minutes.

What's Going On?

Your Father Promised

He'd Give Up Certain Foods
For One Day.

Yeah, But...

Our Friend, Bob Ramsey--

Who Is The Same Age
As Your Dad...

No, No, We're Not The Same Age.

He's A Year Older
Than Your Father--

Has Developed A Heart Problem.

We Think It's Because Of
What He Eats...

Foods That Your Father
Has Promised Me

He'll Try To
Avoid For
One Day.

He'll Need A Little Help.

I Don't Need Help.

I Have Will.

Yes, Darling.

The Will Is Strong...

But The Flesh
Is Weak.

I Have An Idea, Mom.

Oh, No.

Let's Make
A List

Of All The Things
Dad Shouldn't Have.

If We See Him Eating
Anything From That List

We Can Stop Him.

Why Don't We Make A List Of How
You Can Get Out Of This House?

Smells Good.

Bring On
The Grub.

Better Enjoy
It, Denise.

You Don't Get Food
Like That In The Dorm.

She's Welcome Home
Any Time.

Where's Theo?

He's At Cockroach's.

He'll Be Late.

We Can Start Without Him.

Hey, Chicken!

Mashed Potatoes.

That's Not
For Us, Cliff.

We're Having Salads.

Salad, Sure.

I Love Salad.

So We're Having Salad

Then We'll Have Chicken
And Mashed Potatoes.

No, The Salad Is Dinner.

Just For
Today.

Just For Today?

Uh-Huh.

All Right.

Nothing Wrong With That.

Just For Today, A Little Salad.

Can I Have Some Chicken?

Uh-Huh.

Sorry, Dad.

It's Okay.

Stop! No Salt.

That's Right.

It's On The List.

Force Of Habit.

Thank You, Rudy.

Any Time, Dad.

I'm Happy You've Decided
To Change Your Eating Habits.

I Hope You Stick To It.

Absolutely.

Good! Because Men Your Age,
In Their Upper Middle Years

Have To Monitor
Both Their Salt Intake
And Their Cholesterol Level.

In Fact, Studies Show

That If You Lower Your
Cholesterol Intake By %

You Reduce The Risk
Of Having A Heart Attack By %.

Where Did You Learn That?

From My Nutrition Class.

Men In Dad's Age Group

Should Have A Cholesterol Level
Of Around Milligrams.

Yeah?
What's Yours, Dad?

One Milligram.

Your Father's Cholesterol Level
Is Normal.

I Think Dad Should Eat
Whatever He Wants To.

You Do?

I Say If You're
Going To Go--

Go Happy.

May I Have Some Dressing,
Please?

It's On There.

No, I Mean The Kind
Of Dressing You Can See.

I Can't See The Dressing.

It's Lemon Juice
And A Splash Of Olive Oil.

No, I'm Talking About Dressing.

You Know Something
That's Creamy And Cheesy

And I Can See It.

Sorry I'm Late.

Cockroach's Mom Made
This Great Caribbean Dinner

And She Wouldn't Let Me Leave
Till I Had Some.

What Did She Make?

It's Called Pulpeta,
And It's Delicious.

It's A Sausage

That's Made From Beef
And Pork And Ham--

And Onions
And Boiled Eggs.

It Was Unbelievable.

I'm Going To
Finish Packing.

I'll Help.

Who Wants To Do Dishes?

I Do.

I'll Help.

No. Theo, I Want To
Show You Something.

Sure.
Mom, I'll Be Back.

Okay.

What Did You Want
To Show Me, Dad?

This.

It's Empty.

Dad, You Had A Big Salad.

I Want Some Food.

Sustenance.

Now.

What Can I Do About It?

I Want You To Go Over
To Cockroach's House...

And I Want You To Ask His Mother

If She Will Make A Little
Serving For Me Of The...

The Pulpeta.

Pulpeta.

Pulpeta.

You Mean With The Ham

And The Pork

And The Onions

And The Sauce.

Dad, I'm Not Sure
If I Should Do This.

You Should.
You Should.

Dad, Isn't It Dishonest?

Yes.

Dad, Mom May Not Like This.

You're Getting Your Driver's
License This Year, Right?

Well, Yeah.

And You're Going To Need A Car

And Denise Won't Be Here,
Right?

Right.

Now, You Bring The Pulpeta

And You And I Can Discuss
Borrowing Denise's Car.

You Got It, Dad.

I'll Be Down
In My Office.

Hurry.

Okay.

(Knocking)

Mr. Pulpeta?

Si, Papacita.

Come In, Come In.

There You Go.

This Is Fabulous.

Did Anybody See You
Come Down Here?

Nope. Came Through
The Front Door
And Right Down.

All Right.

Oh, Sustenance.

Thank You, My Son...

Dad, We Don't Have To
Talk About Denise's Car.

We Don't? Why?

I Already Asked
About Borrowing It.

She Said No.

I Brought The Food Anyway
Because You're So Desperate.

Son, That's About
To End, Right Now...

(Knocking)

Clair:
Cliff?!

Yes?

Denise Needs Some Help

Getting Her
Suitcases Downstairs.

I'll Be Up In
A Minute, Dear.

Thank You.

Oh, And
Cliff...

Walter's
Mother Called

And Asked If You Are
Enjoying Your Pulpeta.

Are You Enjoying
Your Pulpeta?

I Have No Idea
What You're Talking About.

And Theo,
Are You In
There, Too?

Kind Of.

Son, When
You're Done

Running Around
Like A Little Rat

Taking People
Food They're Not
Supposed To Have

I'll Need Your
Assistance, Too.

Thank You.

Dad...

I Think I Am Going To Need
That Car To Get Out Of Town.

I'll Drive.

I Feel Like We're
All Going Away.

We Can't Be.

If We Were,
There Would Be Less Luggage.

When Are We Getting
Denise's Trunk
Out Of My Room?

When We Get Back
From The Airport.

Good, Because When I Think
Of What Was In It... Ich.

Even If We Get It Out

Your Room May Still Be Haunted
By The Frog's Ghost.

Frog Ghosts?

No, Rudy.

Dad's Just Kidding.

Okay, Guys,
Get Ready.

I'll Bring
The Car Around.

I Didn't Realize
I Packed So Much.

There's Nothing Left
But Our Furniture.

Actually, I Could
Use This Couch.

Sure, If You
Can Carry It.

Maybe When I Come
Home Next Time.

I'm Planning To
Come Home A Lot.

You'd Better.

Virginia's Only
An Hour By Plane.

Denise, There's One Thing.

Before You Leave

Your Father Will Take You Aside
To Give You A Little Talk

Just Like He Did With Sondra

And He'll Say

"I Feel Like I'm Forgetting
To Tell You Something."

He'll Say That
Over And Over Again.

Just Listen To Him

And You'll Understand
What He Means.

Okay.

I Want You To Know That
I Am Very Proud Of You.

I'm Going To Miss You.

Not Because I Love You...

But Because I Like You.

I Like You, Too.

Dad Says We'll Be Late.

Let's Go.

I'll Be Right There.

(Sigh)

Clair.

I Want To Thank You For Today.

The Diet.

I'm Telling You

My Blood

Flows Through My Veins

Clear

And Pure.

And I Feel

Healthy...

And Hungry.

I Want A Snack.

Please?

Can I Have A Snack?

Cliff, I Thought You
Might Feel This Way.

Have I Got Something For You.

Yes, Man Of Iron...

Ta-Da!

What Is It?

Delicious Rice Cakes.

Thirty-Five Calories, Cliff.

Zero Salt.

Zero Fat.

Zero Cholesterol.

Zero Taste.

The Air In My Mouth
Tastes Better Than This.

This Is Not Right, Dear.

I Want Something I Can Savor.
Something With Some Flavor.

All Right, Honey.

You Can Have Those Foods
That You Like.

I Can?

Sure, But You Can't
Go Overboard.

Oh, Tomorrow...

Pulpeta.

No, No, No.

I Must Have...

No...
(Knock) Yes?

What Are You Doing Up?

I Can't Sleep.
Vanessa's Not In My Room.

Are You Afraid?

No, I Miss Her Breathing.

Want To Come In Here With Us?

Yeah.

Daddy, You're Eating In Bed.

It's All Right.
It's Not Real Food.

Can I Have It?

Yeah.

I Like These

But They're Not As Good As
The Chocolate Chip Cookies

Mommy Left In My Room.