01x21 - The Younger Woman

[bunniefuu]

What Time Is It?

It's : A.M.

Go Back To Sleep.

You Know

They Say That Every Nine Seconds
A Child Is Born...

And I Think Today They Picked
Our Hospital To Do It In.

I'm Telling You, Dear

Babies Were Coming
From All Directions.

I Was Afraid To Move Out
Of The Spot I Was In.

I Walked Past A Vent,
And Two Of Them Came Out.

I Started
Spanking People.

By The Time I Got To The Car

I Spanked The Fellow
That Brought The Car.

I'm Glad Mike Newcomb
Was There To Help Me.

How Is He?

Just Fine.

And Guess
What?

Told Me He's Got
A New Girlfriend.

He Has?

And Every Time
I Bumped Into Him

He Wanted To Talk About Her.

That's Terrific.

It's About Time
He Started Enjoying Himself.

It's Been Almost Two Years
Since Marian Died.

Well, I Know He's Serious

Because He's Bringing Her
By Here Tomorrow.

I Certainly Am Glad He's Happy.

And Cliff, I Want You
To Know That If I Die

You Have My Permission
To Marry Again.

I Have Your Permission?

Yes.

But You're Dead.

Find Someone Who Can Make You
Happy And Help With The Kids.

Thank You.

Would You?

Would I What?

If I Die, Would You Remarry?

We'll Talk About It
When It Happens.

We Can't Talk About It Then.

Okay.

No. The Answer Is
No.

I Wouldn't.

Under No Circumstances, If I Die

Would You Marry Again.

You Would Be
Single Forever?

Yes.

Would You Date Somebody?

No, I Wouldn't.

Okay, 'Cause I'm Dead.

I'm Gone.

And You're Still
In The Bed With Me?

What If You Met A Gorgeous,
International-Type Beauty?

Not Interested.

What If You Met A Woman
Who Sang Jazz?

Like Lena Horne?

And Can Scat.

Like Ella Fitzgerald?

You Said It.

Not My Type.

Well, What Is Your Type?

You.

Okay, Say You Met Me.

You're Dead.

There's Somebody Out There
Just Like Me.

You're Dead?

Gone.

Okay. Now, You're Not
Coming Back, Are You?

Cliff, I'm Serious.

No, I'm Serious.

You're Not Coming Back, Right?

I'm Dead.

I Meet This Woman
Who Looks Exactly Like You?

Exactly Like Me.

And You're Dead?

Yes.

Oh, Boy.

I Would Call Her Up

And I Would Ask Her Out
On A Date.

And Then I Would Court Her

And I Would Send Her Flowers
And Call Her

And I Would Introduce Her
To The Children

And Then I Would Marry Her

And Bring
Her In Here.

Would You Keep
My Picture Up?

Dear, I Don't Have To
Keep Your Picture Up

Because She Looks
Exactly Like You.

Good Night, Cliff.

You Need Some Sleep.

(Rock Music Blaring)

(Man Laughing Wickedly)

Ha, Ha, Ha.

Ha, Ha!

Rrahr!

Ohh!

(Unintelligible Screaming)

Did We Wake You?

I Found It.

It Had Come Down The Hallway.

It Went Into My Room

And Then I Thought
It Was Going To Eat Me Up!

You See

There Are Certain Ways That
I Am Accustomed To Waking Up.

Bacon-- The Smell Of Bacon.

The Smell Of Coffee Perking.

The Twirping
Of Birds.

I Can Even Take The Cold,
Wet Nose Of A Sea Lion

Licking My Toes.

This Is What
They Created

So We Wouldn't Have To
Hear This In The House.

I Only Have One Set.

Then Put Your Heads Together.

Give This Music
A Chance.

You Might Get Into It.

Really?

Sondra:
Yeah.

Oh, What A Thrill.

Is This It?

Yeah, Dad, That's Clyde.

He's Really Talented.

I See.

Well, But He's
Sticking His Tongue Out

And Tatooed On His Tongue
Is A Cactus.

If You Ignore Clyde's
Tongue And Makeup

And Just Listen To What
He's Trying To Say...

What Is He Trying To Say?

He's Saying
The World Is Closed.

The World Is Closed.

The World Is Closed.

Could They Open It Up
And Let Him Out?

Come On, Dad.

Ahh!

What Is It?

What Is The Matter
With You?

You're Not Going To
Keep My Picture Up?

Yes, I'll Keep
Your Picture Up.

Where Will
You Keep It?

Out In The Hallway.

Ahh!

Where?

I'll Put It
In The Closet.

Where?

I'll Put It Over The Bed.

A Blowup Over The Bed.

I Want A Blowup There.

With Lights.

Clair:
Yes. Yes.

What Will You Do
With My Clothes?

I'll Wear Them.

I'll Wear Them.

Make Sure She Doesn't Wear Them.

Oh, No. No.

What Will The Children
Call Her, Cliff?

Lola.

Ahh!

Listen, Dear,
Our Friend Of Years, Mike

Is Coming Over This Afternoon.

We Got To Get Downstairs.

I Don't Know.

I'm Thinking About It.

Dear?

You Know, You've Gained Weight.

Ahh!

Wait, Wait, Wait.

You've Lost Weight.

You've Lost Weight.

Mmm!

I'll Make You
Some Coffee.

Okay.

I Made That Statement
Under Duress.

What Was That?

I Said, "You're The Best"!

Come On,
Vanessa.

I Don't Have
All Day.

Then Let Go.

No. Now,
Come On.

Hey, Hey, Hey

What's Going On Here?

Nothing.
Nothing.

Why Do You Have Your
Sister In A Full Nelson?

Because She Put Shaving
Cream In My Shoe.

Did You Do That?

Yes!

Did He Do Something To You?

Oh, Well, Then Carry On.

Ahh!

Now, You Go Upstairs
And Clean His Shoes Out.

Yeah, Clean Them
And Polish Them...

(Doorbell)

Cliff:
Mike!

Hey, Cliff. I Want
You To Meet Nicki.

Nicki:
Hi.

Nicki.

Nicki Philips.

Come On In.

Thank You.

Did You Recover
From Last Night

And Get Some Sleep?

Yeah, I Got
A Little Sleep.

Nicki, This Guy Is Bad.

Mike:
Bad.

Last Night,
He Takes Mrs. Somers

Who Delivered
In o Minutes

And He Gives Me
Mrs. Shipley

Whose Husband Was Taking
Pictures Of Everything.

He Kept Saying,
"I Missed It.

Could You Do It Again?"

Well, Let Me Go Get Clair.

Okay.

This Is
A Beautiful House.

Yeah, I Built It From A Kit.

Are They Here?

Yeah, They're Here.

Well, What's She Like?

She's Got Two Arms, Two Legs.

Oh, Come On,
Cliff.

She Can't Be That Bad.

No. She's Not
Bad At All.

Where Is She?

She's Sitting Beside Him
On The Sofa.

Cliff.

Cliff, That Is No Woman.

That's Somebody's Child.

Right.

Now Look, We're All
Somebody's Child.

Well, She Certainly
Does Look Young.

Yes, But You're Looking At Her
From A Distance.

Well, What Does She
Look Like Up Close?

Younger.

Oh...

No, Wait A Minute.

Maybe She's From
That Part Of Russia

Where They Eat Nothing
But Yogurt All The Time.

Now, Look At You.

Come On,
You've Got To Behave.

No, You Behave.

No, YouBehave.

No, YouBehave, Because
I'm Not Saying Anything.

Well, What Is That?

Well, I Can't Help It.

Look, We Owe It To Him.

We Are
His Closest Friends.

Be Nice.

Give Him A Chance, Okay?

Okay, You Take The Coffee

And I'll Get
The Chocolate Milk.

Behave.

Hi!

(Rock Music Blaring)

Hey!

Hold It Down
Up There!

Theo:
Okay, Dad.

I Woke Up To That
Mess This Morning.

You Don't Like Clyde?

Cliff And Clyde
Aren't Best Friends.

It's An Acquired Taste.

He's Great Live.

You Didn't Go To
A Clyde Concert.

Yeah.

I Got Him

Tickets For
His Birthday.

We Had A Great Time.

Clyde, The Guy With
The Tongue And The Tattoo..?

Wait, Cliff.

Listen To His Lyrics:

"In The Heart Of Darkness,
I Look For The Flame.

"In The Sound Of The Wind,
I Listen For Your Name.

I Stop And Discover
You're All Things To Me."

That's Lovely.

It's Lovely
Because He Said The Words.

Mr. Clyde Says:

(Yelling At The
Top Of His Lungs)

Cliff, I'm Now Listening
To Her Clyde Albums

And She's Listening
To My Miles Davis Albums.

Ah, Now You Like That,
Don't You?

Not His Earlier Recordings.

I Like His Recent Stuff.

I Wish He Would Sing.

We're Supposed
To Be

On A Racquetball Court
In Five Minutes.

He's Teaching Me
How To Play.

It's Nice To Meet You.

Let's Go Out Sometime.

Maybe A Miles Davis Concert.

I'll Ask Him To Sing.

Oh, Great!

Do Me A Favor And Start The Car.

I'll Be Out In A Minute.

Okay. Bye.

Bye-Bye.

Listen, I Should Have
Warned You About Her Age

But I Wanted You
To Meet Her First.

She's A Lovely Person.

We Wish You Luck.

That's Great.

Thank You, Clair.

I Love You Both.

Take Care.

How Old Is Mike?

He's .

How Old Do You
Think She Is?

Under .

I Have To Confess.

The Whole Time They Were Here

I Kept Looking For
Something Wrong With Her--

Like Maybe She
Was A Bubble-Brain.

She Wasn't.

She's Intelligent,
And They Look Happy.

Who?

Mike Newcomb.
He Just Left.

How Is Dr. Newcomb?

He Seems To Be Doing
Pretty Well.

Dr. Newcomb Is Years Old

And He's Dating
A Very Young Woman.

How Young?

About Your Age.

Really? Is It Serious?

They Seem Compatible.

Good For Him.

Would You Consider Dating
A Man That Age?

If I Met Someone I Really Liked,
Age Wouldn't Matter.

What You're Saying Is

Age Has Nothing To Do
With Happiness?

That's Right.

Let Me Give You An Example.

Suppose I Died...

And Your Mother Came Home
With A -Year-Old Boy.

Yeah?

What Do You Mean, "Yeah?"

I'm Dead And You Can't Even
Mourn For A Tenth Of A Second?

You're Not Dead.
You're Sitting Here.

It's A Hypothetical Death.

But You Didn't Even Take Time
For A Hypothetical Mourning.

It's Almost Like
You Wish I Was Dead.

I Don't Want
You To Die.

You Sure?

Yes!

What's The Point?

I'm Dead, And You Have Me On
The Sidewalk With The Garbage.

You're A Wonderful
Husband And Father

But You Never Get To The Point.

I'm Trying To Get To The Point.

Go Ahead.

If You Die...

Never Mind.

Never Mind What?

Denise!

Hey.

Denise, My Friend,
Sit Down.

I Want To Ask You
A Hypothetical Question.

Okay.

All Right.
Now, Suppose I Died...

Yeah?

Boy, This Is A Cold Family.

Hey, What's Going On?

We're Having A Discussion.

Suppose Dad Died...

It Would Really Tear Me Up.

My Son.

Tomorrow I'm Taking You
Out To Buy You A Car.

That's Not Fair.

You All Answered
The Question Wrong.

(Noisy Kiss)

I Thought It Was
The -Year-Old.

Clair, Listen To That.

What?

The Sound Of Our Children

Playing At Your
Mother And Father's House.

I've Been Thinking
About Mike And Nicki.

They Have A Great Relationship.

It Must Be Wonderful To Have
New Things To Talk About.

Like What?

I Don't Know.

All We Ever Talk About
Are Bills, Report Cards, Work.

We Are Dull And
Boring Beyond Words.

That's What
You Think, Huh?

Don't You?

Come Here.

I Don't Want You To Say
Another Word

Because We Are "Beyond Words."

Sit Down.

(Romantic Jazz)