03x15 - My Sister, the Doctor

[bunniefuu]

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[BARKS]

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JACQUELINE: The bishop's retirement party

promised to be the party of the year.

As I supervised the best decorating team in San Tanco,

I had more than my share of enthusiasm too.

However, nobody's enthusiasm could compare

to Sister Bertrille's.

Somehow, an impending party

brings out something in her that doesn't surface

for dishwashing or scrubbing floors.

And then after I finish with these balloons,

I figure I could put balloons all over the acerola tree,

decorate it like a Christmas tree?

JACQUELINE: More balloons?

I think you've got the whole island

three feet out of the water already.

Yeah, well, I am kind of hung up on balloons.

Yeah. We're out of yellows.

Yellows? Uh, Halloween things.

Streamers?

Streamers?

Oh! Streamers. Yes...

Oh, yes, Sister, well, I'll put them on my list.

I have to take the station wagon into town.

Our station wagon? Oh, no.

Sister Bertrille, think kindly thoughts about the very old.

I must concede that the station wagon

might not bring me back

until the next bishop's retirement party.

Um, I could fly for you, Sister Jacqueline.

Would you?

Roger. Be back in a jiffy.

[♪♪♪]

Neither rain, nor sleep...

Sleet.

It's bad weather with icy rain.

That's the best time to sleep.

No matter how often I see her take off,

it still shakes me up.

Sister Bertrille!

Oh! Heh.

Sister Bertrille!

Your sister, Jennifer, is on the telephone.

My sister, Jen?

Yes.

She's here for a visit.

Oh, how wonderful!

SISTER: Watch out for the tree!

[GASPS] Oh! Oh! Oh!

Are you all right? [GROANING]

Did you break anything?

Oh, I think I broke everything. Oh my...

JACQUELINE: Fortunately, Sister Bertrille hadn't broken everything.

Unfortunately, the events seemed to trigger other events

where her sister Jennifer also got very few breaks.

[♪♪♪]

Several hairline fractures.

It looks a lot worse than it is. Look at you!

Don't you think it's about time you took a rest,

got some sun instead of all that New York smog?

And you didn't have to rush...

Thank you. ...from the airport.

My fractures would've waited

until you checked into a hotel.

Your doctors did a marvelous job on your fractures.

That doesn't mean don't be careful.

For a doctor and the genius of our family,

you're not very careful with your own health.

And you do exactly as they say.

I know what kind of patient you are.

[GROANS]

You know, you're a pretty cute girl,

if it weren't for the bags under your eyes.

And why the double shift?

Can't they find another doctor

at that Manhattan General?

We're shorthanded.

And I have no bags under my eyes.

And you're pretty cute yourself.

They're not bags, they're valises.

And I would be pretty cute

if I didn't have wrinkles from worrying about you.

Can't they find another doctor

to take over those seminars in med school in New York?

I'm all right. I'm all right.

All I need is...a long bath, that's all.

That's all I need. [YAWNS]

And then you find time to go to two clinics.

Mmm, a little nap.

Why don't you volunteer for the Red Cross?

[YAWNS] I did.

Hmm. I bet you were your first patient.

I think the next thing you're probably gonna do is...

Well, hello! BERTRILLE: Shh!

She's here to get some color

and to relax.

Get a little strength back.

At a medical convention?

A medical convention?

What medical...?

Oh! Oh, Carlos!

Jennifer. So nice to see you!

Aren't you here for the convention?

Oh, no. I came down my own.

So did I. [CHUCKLES]

The hotels are up to here with doctors. Oh, no!

If there's anything I didn't need right now, it's shop talk.

Why don't you stay at my house?

You can have the entire West wing.

I remember about you, Carlos.

Your West wing is too close to your East wing.

No, there must be some little place somewhere,

some out of the way spot.

The convent! We have a guest bedroom.

Why don't you take the East wing?

I'd take the West wing. [CHUCKLES]

BERTRILLE: The Reverend Mother would love to have you.

You know, that's a wonderful idea.

It's quiet, relaxing, very non-medical.

Could you drop me over there?

How long are you here for?

Oh, about two weeks, I guess.

Good. I know a shortcut that will take us about days.

Come on! You take care of yourself

and listen to the doctors.

I'll be by tomorrow.

BERTRILLE: Okay. Bye-bye.

It was nice talking to you, Carlos!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Here!Oh, no!

You look great!

You shouldn't have.

JACQUELINE: Of course there was a place for her.

A sister of a Sister is like a sister to all of us.

Especially a Jennifer Ethrington.

The Convent was quiet, it was relaxing,

and for about one minute, it was non-medical.

Jennifer?

Hello. What happened to you?

Oh, it's nothing.

I was hanging decorations for the party

and I wanted to come down,

and the ladder wanted to come up.

I applied a cold compass before.

Uh... It's "compress."

A compass is for directions.

Those were your directions:

"Get me a cold compass." Mm.

Let me take a look at it, okay?

All right.

JENNIFER: Careful now. Go on.

You see, a cold compass-- Heh.

Compress would've--

Heat seems indicated here. Oh, really?

Sister Jacqueline would be good as new in a couple of days.

Oh, that's good.

I wish I knew which compass would be good--

Sometimes after meals, I have a little heart fire.

Heartburn.

Without a fire, how would it burn?

Oh, anyway, you're here not to work.

No, no, that's all right. Tell me about your heartburn.

No. You're an R.D. M.D.

No, R.D. Resting Doctor.

If you really wanna know... Yeah.

See, right after breakfast,

I get this pain, right over here.

If you have any suggestions.

It's not right after breakfast--

What did you have for breakfast? Everything.

Between the Reverend Mother's bad back

and Sister Ines' bursitis

dinner was a very orthopedic meal.

Yeah. Well, I'm not too smart.

When I told you to go to the convent,

you should've done the opposite.

Check into a monastery?

No, I have the feeling the worst is over anyway.

I had breakfast this morning, and didn't have new patients.

That's because they were afraid you'd order rest,

and then they have to miss the party for the bishop.

I can hardly blame them, looks like a special party.

I hope you'll have a good time,

but you have to promise me one thing. What?

That you won't tell anyone you're a doctor.

What you're talking about?

Jen, you know how it is.

You'll be treating people all night long.

The minute they find out you're a doctor,

everyone would be coming to you for free advice.

It isn't that bad.

You've never been to a party in San Tanco.

People ask carpenters how to build houses

and dentists how to pull teeth.

The last party we gave, people asked me how to pray.

You're making that up.

Eight people? [CHUCKLES]

Well, anyway. Promise me you won't tell them you're a doctor.

You can be Miss Jennifer Ethrington.

I couldn't.

You must. At the party,

you will be introduced as Miss Ethrington.

Honestly, Reverend Mother, I'm so embarrassed.

My sister shouldn't have called you.

Yes, she should have. It's your vacation.

And I feel guilty even mentioning my bad leg.

Oh... Me too.

Not another word about my information.

Inflammation. Not another word.

[BAND PLAYING A LIVELY TUNE]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Good evening, sir.

Yes, you come sit down. Have a good time.

Oh, wonderful!

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, she looks wonderful.

Some fancy party, huh.

It should be fancy. I paid for the decorations.

You didn't pay for the food? No, I didn't pay for the food.

But if you look at the dishes, they are all from the casino.

Tonight, my customers will have to eat on paper plates.

Aw, ha, ha...

My sister can't have

as much influence on you as you say.

Are you kidding?

When it comes to contributions,

she has me hypnotized.

Ah, Ramirez, how nice to see you.

Nice seeing you, mayor.

Fancy party, isn't it? Yes.

If it was for a Cardinal, it couldn't be fancier.

We haven't been introduced.

Oh. Miss Ethrington,

this is Mayor Calderon. Miss Ethrington.

It is a pleasure. The pleasure's all mine, mayor.

Do you entertain at the casino?

The casino?

What I would be doing there?

Let's go. We'll find out.

You are so beautiful, I thought that-- Wait.

Don't tell me. You're an actress.

Sorry.

I'm usually a very good judge of what people do.

What do you do?

What do you mean, what do I do?

Well, when you do what it is you do, what do you do?

Oh, thatwhat do you do.Yes.

Maybe she's just wealthy. Yes?

No. MAYOR: No.

Carlos, why don't we just tell him?

She's an artist.

Ooh! Well, what kind of an artist?

Tell him, Carlos.

She makes things. Like this...

Pots? She's a ceramicist.

Ceramicist. Do they make pots? Of course.

Then she's a ceramicist. Are you a ceramicist?

Well, now that you told him, you told him.

But it's so drab compared to politics.

Potting is my hobby.

Tell me, do you prefer high fire or low fire?

Tell him, Carlos.

High fire.

Low fire?

MAYOR: Both, very good.

Do you prefer hand-built or thrown?

Hand-built. Thrown.

What was the question?

I was about to ask how

both of them could be done in the same time.

Because then I'd have to ask about the coning.

Oh, of course. Coning. Of course, the coning.

As you well know, it is the most important--

The most important...

[APPLAUSE]

The bishop. Excuse me. We will talk later.

Certainly.

Carlos, how did you ever come up with that?

How would I dream that he knew about ceramics?

Have you ever heard of a mayor

who knew anything about ceramics?

Hi! Oh! What's the matter?

Have you ever heard of a mayor

who knew anything about ceramics?

Have you ever heard the expression:

"O, what a tangled..." something or other?

Uh... O, how we tangle when we spin something

we practice how not to receive it.

Tangled? Okay, it's close enough.

Anyway, it's all over with now.

Well, they always say, "lightning strikes

the same spot twice."

JACQUELINE: As usual, Sister Sixto had m*nled the expression.

But as it turned out,

somehow she had hit the nail on the head.

How are you? So nice to see you all! Yes.

Curious folks?

Curious? For Christmas last year,

we got them a set of matched key holes.

Carlos, I've been meaning to talk to you about...

Later, later.

And now we can only think of food.

Later, huh?

You'd make a great guide for one of those tours.

You know, countries in minutes?

[LAUGHING]

Oh! Get busy.

Get busy! You'll catch her eye.

Will you excuse me? Yes.

Look at all this food!

Carlos! Darling! My little bambino!Mm, muah!

Oh, yes, I've been watching you two all evening.

What a charming young lady. Thank you.

This is Miss Ethrington, Countess DeVechi.

How do you do? Yes...

You know, all evening, I have been asking people

who is that charming lady with Carlos.

Who takes all of my money at the casino, you naughty boy.

Yes. Come, we must talk.

Oh, Countess, why don't you get some food first?

And then we sit down and you can find us.

Oh, darling, I never eat at parties.

I'm much too busy talking.

Finding out how...

What all my old friends have been doing, and...

finding out all about the new ones.

Come!

JACQUELINE: Poor Jenny.

If the mayor was the frying pan,

the Countess was the fire.

She needed help fast,

and we were the rescue squad.

No, I'm not, Countess.

Hmm... Dress designer, eh? No.

No... A model, perhaps? You have a flair for clothes.

She certainly does.

I love to talk about fashion. So does she.

I don't really.

Ah! Because of business, eh? No, no.

The truth is, Countess, I'm-- She's a bookkeeper.

Awfully dull work. Let's talk about you, Countess.

COUNTESS: Bookkeeping is dull work.

I'm so glad. Not that it's dull, but--

Dull for some.

I find finance terribly exciting.

Before the Count d*ed,

I took care of all of his finances.

How nice!

Tell us about the Count, Countess.

I never heard about a count before.

Come on, tell her, tell her.

Well, he was Italian. Need I say more?

Of course, lots more. Come on, tell her.

[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

You knew him, you can tell her later

[CHUCKLES]

Tell me, my dear. Are you in general ledger?

Accounts receivable? Accounts payable?

You know it all, don't you?

COUNTESS: Well, you know how the Italians are.

Mine knew nothing about money. Absolutely nothing.

He didn't know about his affiliated companies

or his associated books.

I used the big board system.

Oh, good.

Aha, you like the big board system?

When it works, it's terrific.

And hey... If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

It has to work.

Ah, wait. Wait. What am I thinking of? Of course.

Nowadays, it's EDP. You are in EDP!

That's what she is. EDP.

Carlos!

Countess, I have something to tell you. I--

Countess DeVechi. Uh...

I see you are the only one who is not eating.

COUNTESS: Well, you know I never eat at parties.

No, she just likes to meet people

and find out all about them.

Yes. Well, the Sisters have been slaving in the kitchen

for two days. Now, please,

before it gets cold.

Countess, please, come and have something to eat.

Well, anyways, Sister. Thank you. Yes.

Come along. We'll talk later.

Whew!

I was about to throw myself on the mercy of the court.

EDP is Electronic Data Processing.

We have it at the casino

Where were you when I needed you?

[LAUGHS] I don't think it's funny.

I'm running out of professions.

Let's look at the Yellow Pages.

Better yet, let's go see Sister Bertrille at the hospital.

She has a wonderful imagination.

No, thank you. My sister's imagination

got me into this mess in the first place.

You know, it's funny about your sister.

Sometimes she will come up with a very logical suggestion.

But for some reason, always, always ends up disaster.

[LAUGHS] Fantastic talent.

Let's get some more coffee.

No, I'm not going out there again.

Oh, come on. Look at it this way.

It's like playing charades.

Yes, but I'm always it. No, look.

If we're gonna play games, let's play "hide and seek."

And I'm hiding in here until the party's over.

The bishop is coming. Don't tell him anything.

I think I'm just going off in a corner nonchalantly

and turn into a potted palm.

Ah, Señor Ramirez. Your Excellency!

Your Excellency, I would like you to meet Miss Ethrington.

How do you do? How do you do?

There you are.

Oh, dear.

What is it, Reverend Mother?

Our bishop is very fond of making conversation,

and it may lead to some embarrassing questions.

Tell me, Miss Ethrington,

when you do what you do, what is that you do?

Well, she-- Um...

I, uh... I work with my hands.

Oh.

Your turn next. My turn for what?

The bishop. The bishop! Intercept him.

You mean like a football?

I don't care how you do it, just do it.

Maybe he has to go-- He's in the common room.

Into Jennifer.

It's me, always me.

An act of charity, Sister Sixto.

All right.

If you run out of coffee and I don't come back,

there's instant on the bottom shelf

in the middle cupboard upstairs.

[MOUTHS WORDS]

It was not all guesswork.

Really? Oh.

I used to watch What's my lineevery week.

That's nice. Bishop!

We're having dessert, a seven-layered rum cake.

I knew it all the time. You did?

Of course, it's your favorite, that's why we baked it.

I beg your pardon? Seven-layered rum cake.

BISHOP: I was referring to Miss Ethrington.

Oh, refer to her later.

Come. The way the crowd is eating,

there'll only be five layers left.

When I said, "I knew it all the time,"

I meant Miss Ethrington. She's a pianist.

A what? A classical pianist.

She is? You are?

[SIGHS] You mean you did not know it?

Sister Jacqueline never tells me anything.

We are in for a treat.

I play the harmonica.

When you mentioned taking piano lessons as a little--

I never took a lesson. I don't like to brag,

but I play the harmonica entirely with my ear.

I play "Camptown Races," "East Side, West Side,"

"All over the place"... Splendid.

"Hava Nagila," "Sabre Dance,"...

You must play for us.

Where is the Reverend Mother?

I tried.

That's how I got myself into trouble.

You mentioned piano lessons. He took it from there.

Heaven knows I tried.

Carlos, I haven't played since I was .

And then all I ever knew was "Merrily We Roll Along."

He wants the "Hungarian Rhapsody."

Why don't you play "Merrily We Roll Along"

and make it sound like "Hungarian Rhapsody"?

I could never make it sound like "Merrily We Roll Along."

Let's hope the piano has to go back.

The piano is mine. From the casino.

I told them they can keep it all night.

You sister insisted, as always.

Ladies and gentlemen, my children, please.

Tonight we are honored with the presence

of a brilliant classical pianist.

Miss Jennifer Ethrington.

[FANFARE PLAYS]

Please.

I tried.

[ALL APPLAUD]

[FANFARE PLAYS]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[FANFARE PLAYING]

Ladies and gentlemen, I--

I really don't know how to say this.

It's terribly embarrassing-- Please, don't be embarrassed!

No, Carlos, please let me handle this.

Let me handle this.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I am sure that those of you who follow the musical events

in the newspapers

have read about Miss Ethrington's exhausting tour

with the New York Philharmonic.

Please. Oh, no, no.

This is no time to be a heroine.

The fact is, ladies and gentlemen,

that from over-concertizing, Miss Ethrington's fingers

have developed cramps.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is not precisely the truth.

The truth is that I'm--

The parking lot is impossible. The cars are all jammed up.

I can't get out. Is there a doctor here?

I'm a doctor.

She's a ceramicist.

She's an imposter!

JENNIFER: No, really, I am a doctor.

You are also a pianist.

COUNTESS: A bookkeeper. MAYOR: A ceramicist.

SISTER: Come as quickly as you can.

You're not going anywhere...

Señor Ramirez, do something! What?

Well I don't know,

but we've got to get her into the house.

Sister Jacqueline, stand back.

It's gonna be an early Fourth.

COUNTESS: What is going on?

JENNIFER: I'll explain later.

You're making a tempest in a tea bag.

Where is the imposter?

Hey, what is all this?

The police should be notified.

Don't you just love fireworks?

[BABY CRYING]

It's a boy!

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

She never fooled me for a moment.

The fingers of a ceramicist are thick

and there's always a little bit of clay under the nail.

This girl has the hands of surgeon.

[CRYING CONTINUES]

And a girl!

How could you be taken in, Countess?

Oh, I was not taken in. Oh, my goodness, no.

As soon as I mentioned EDP

and I saw that blank look on her face,

I knew right away she was trying to hide her true identity.

But why? Why did Señor Ramirez tried to cover for her?

Señor Ramirez is a gentleman.

[CRYING CONTINUES] And another boy!

Sixto, go and get some more coffee.

We might be here all night.

Three beautiful babies.

But of course, my sister's a wonderful doctor.

She only delivers beautiful babies.

Then I put her in the car and I brought her here.

Well, I'm glad you did.

It was her own prescription. [SIGHS]

Is she that old?

You're not supposed to look at her chart.

Wait a minute.

Did you read what it says here? Yes, I know.

It says extreme fatigue, needs three weeks' vacation.

I wrote the last part in myself.

I don't mean that. I mean this doctor, Jennifer Ethrington.

Oh, that. Well, I solved the problem.

I told everyone she was a vet.

Pill time! And how are we feeling tonight?

Did you had a good nappy nap? Marvelous.

I wish I could say the same for Vernon, my cocker spaniel.

You know, he has developed this ugly rash under his tummy.

And all his hair is falling out

He scratched all last night.

Neither one of us slept a wink.

What it could be, doctor?

CARLOS: Doctor, may I ask you something about my goldfish?

They are turning silver. Do you think that's serious?

[♪♪♪]

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