03x16 - Valentine

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


♪ I'm as restless as a willow in a windstorm ♪ ♪ I'm as jumpy as a puppet on a string ♪"],…}


♪ I'd say that I have spring fever ♪


♪ But I know it isn't even...


Breakfast! Move it!


♪ ...spring


[ Telephone rings ] ♪ wrong key


Hello?


Oh, james. You're in san francisco already?


You're not?


You're still at the glen lawn airport?


Oh, he misses me already. Oh!


Oh, yeah.


I know it's valentine's day.


You want to what?


So do i.


I'll be waiting on you, okay?


Listen, you tell that pilot to be careful and to fly low.


All right, baby.


Bye-bye.


Be still, my foolish heart.


Boy, when you're taking to james, you're nauseating.


Barf city!


Oh, sure, make fun of a kid that's crazy in love.


What's for breakfast?


Bacon. Oh!


Samantha, open the back door, honey.


I guess I'll have to fix you some eggs. Oh!


I have a valentine date -- danny maloney.


He likes me, and I like him.


We like each other. [ Giggles ]


Barf city.


I have a problem, nell.


What is it, honey?


Danny wants us to start necking.


Nell, when did you first start necking with boys?


Last thursday.


I'm serious. So is danny.


And so am i.


Listen, you tell danny you're too young, honey.


Look, you won't lose him,


And he'll have a lot of respect for you.


Thanks.


I knew I could count on you for good advice.


Mmm.


Your eggs are burning.


Oh, no!


Oh, samantha, I guess it's cereal for breakfast.


I can't burn that. Get the bowls.


Morning, daddy. [ Grunts ]


Morning, chief. [ Grunts louder ]


It's gonna be nice for everybody


When your father learns to speak english.


Do I smell bacon and eggs?


Mm-hmm. That's why you're eating cereal.


What are you eating, dad?


Bacon and eggs.


Nell finally got 'em the way I like 'em.


[ Telephone rings ]


I'll get it.


No, sit down. Sit down. Move.


Hello?


Just a minute. Here, katie.


Hello?


Hi, rick.


Uh, could you hold on for a second?


I'll take it in the kitchen.


Who is rick?


Katie's newest. He thinks he's john travolta.


We call him "rick revolting."


Chief, can I get you anything else?


[ Grunts ]


You got it.


Ketchup coming up.


Nell, I got a problem.


Oh, with rick revolting? [ Chuckles ]


I'll k*ll that sam.


Oh, come on.


What's your problem with rick, honey?


Well, you see, he's one of those rugged, macho hunk jocks,


And, well, I think he's in awe of my mind.


I can see how that might be a problem.


Nell, this has never happened to me before.


What do I do?


Play dumb.


I don't understand.



Um, just give him that wide-eyed treatment.


Ohh.


You know, hunks like to think they mold their women.


Is that what you've always done?


Honey, I've been molded by the best.


Thanks a lot.


[ Telephone rings ]


Back! Back! Back!


Hey! I know who it is. Hello?


Just a minute. Julie! Telephone.


Hello?


Oh, hello, leonard.


Well, yeah, I'd love to go to that lecture.


I've always been fascinated by prehistoric fossils.


You're sweet. Bye.


Nell what would you like for breakfast, julie?


Oh, I'll just make myself some toast.


Aah! The toast!


Oh!


[ Sighs ]


I've got a problem, nell. What is it, baby?


Well, it's leonard.


He's fond of me, but he never shows it.


I mean, he's never even put his arm around me.


They say men don't make passes


At girls who wear glasses.


Maybe you're right, nell.


I mean, leonard just thinks of me as an intellectual.


He's never even looked at my body.


Don't worry, nell.


I just want him to think I'm attractive.


Thanks, nell.


All right. I love you.


Here.


Thank you. Already I feel like a new woman.


Katie? Sam?


It's a good thing joey spent the night out.


One less mouth to feed.


You haven't fed a mouth yet.


Stop complaining. This is one hell of a breakfast.


[ Telephone rings ]


I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it!


I've got it.


Hello?


Oh, hello, sarah.


Well, a happy valentine's day to you, too.


Yeah? [ Laughs ]


Ooh.


Well, that's great.


Well, okay. I'll see you in a little.


Bye.


[ Chuckles ]


Nell? Problem.


Hey, we better get to school. Thanks for the advice.


Yeah, thanks for the advice.


That's why I'm here, babies.


Yes?


Well, nell, you see,


I have met this very attractive woman,


And, well, I want to give her a valentine's day present.


Now, do you think a box of chocolates would do it?


That depends on what kind of lady she is.


She's black.


Are we talking dark chocolate here?


Her name is sarah banks. [ Chuckles ]


And, see, she's so very attractive.


But, nell, this is the first time


I've ever been involved with a black lady.


Well, you saved the best for last, honey.


I once got this cross...


You know, for valentine's day.


I bet you she would love it.


That is an excellent idea.


I'm on my way downtown, and I'm gonna buy her one.


Oh, I think she is definitely religious.


Candles all over the apartment, you know?


Maybe she got someone buried there.


Hey, chief, can I burn you anything else?


I got a problem, nell.


Oh, honey, it's valentine's day, and I feel like cupid.


What is it?


It's mickey hightower, our new meter maid.


Boy, what a woman.


She can put her ticket under my windshield wiper anytime.


Ohh, got it bad, huh, chief?


Yeah, but we got a date tonight -- our first --


And every time I'm alone with her,


I-i get tongue-tied.


I know what you should do. You should double-date.


That'll take the pressure off of you.


That's a terrific idea.


Sergeant gillespie has been after me for almost a week now


To go out with him and his girl.


Thanks for the advice, nell.


Why didn't I think of that myself?


Happy valentine's day. [ Laughs ]


Heh heh heh.


I got a problem, nell.


I'm hot today.


They're coming in off the street.



I'm meeting this university professor at a seminar tonight.


Now, he is absolutely gorgeous,


But unfortunately he's very reserved


And even more dignified.


What I'm trying to say is...


There's been no action yet.


Addy wilson, I thought you were the modern black woman.


I am!


Well, then you should know that with this kind of man,


The modern woman makes the first move.


You really think so?


If you make the first move and the last move,


The in-between moves will take care of themselves.


I'll do it.


Oh, nell, I knew you'd have the answer.


You know, I don't know where you learned all about romance,


But, girl, when it comes to men, you're a phd.


Yeah...


Philadelphia, harlem, and detroit.


Oh, james, you're so sweet.


This is the third time you've called me


From san francisco tonight.


[ Chuckles ]


I know it's still valentine's day.


Hey, you know what I did? I played cupid. Uh-huh.


I made six couples very happy tonight.


You ruined everything, nell -- everything!


Make that five. I'll talk to you later, lover.


Samantha?


"Tell him the truth," you said.


Tell danny I'm too young to neck.


Well, he respects you, doesn't he?


Yeah, he said he respects me more than he respects


Any girl he's ever met in his life,


And he never wants to see me again!


Oh, samantha, baby.


Julie, why are you coming in the back door?


Because without my glasses, I couldn't find the front door.


What's wrong, julie?


Who are you?


Sam.


Oh, samantha!


Julie, you're crying.


Oh, you and your advice, nell!


I'll be right back. Julie?


Honey, what's the matter? What?


Hi, katie.


You and your advice, nell!


You're gonna upset samantha, honey.


Katie? Katie?


I spent the entire evening trying to get rick to mold me,


And you know what?


He likes his girls already molded.


"Double-date," nell says.


"It'll take the pressure off," nell says.


So I double-date,


And my girl dances all night with sergeant gillespie!


Um, here, babies.


Have some of my valenti-- oh, have a candy.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Oh, please, let that be the avon lady.


Yeah? "Make the first move."


Well, I made the first move, and you know what?


He called me a...


He called me a...


Tramp?


Worse.


He called me a cab!


Ha! Ha ha ha!


Well, I can guess why you're here, addy.


Come on in the kitchen. We're forming a lynch mob.


I'm in!


Nell hi, grandpa.


Grandpa?


Nell, you got a lot to learn about black people.


Wait! Wait, wait, wait.


You mean she didn't like the chain with the cross on it?


She's jewish!


Ham and something green. I am so hungry.


Well, you ought to be.


I'm the only one here had a decent breakfast.


Do you want to know what makes a really good sandwich?


You keep your nose out of our sandwiches.


[ All shouting ]


Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey. Okay.


You're on your own.


You try to be nice to people around here.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Do they appreciate me? No.


I'll stay out of their love life.


Don't got to worry about me trying to help you no more!


I don't care.


Yes?!


Is carl in? I'm mickey hightower.


You're the meter maid?


Yeah.


Come in. Now, this is the plan.


Well, I'm here to apologize to carl.


That's the plan.


Look, now, you just sit down here on this couch,



And I'll tell the chief you're here to apologize.


Oh, I'm making progress.


I am making progress. [ Giggles ]


Anybody want tomato slices? No.


Eat the tomatoes. They're good for you, samantha.


Chief, mickey hightower is here to apologize.


[ All shouting ]


The chief will be right out. You know, he's so shy.


[ Doorbell rings ] but since you two broke up tonight,


He just hasn't had an appetite.


[ Chuckles ]


Yes?


Hi, I'm danny maloney.


Samantha's necking machine?


Oh, uh, danny maloney, this is mickey hightower.


Mickey hightower, danny maloney. Come on in.


I'll tell samantha you're here.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Oh, wait a minute. There's that bell again.


All right.


Yes?


Good evening. My name is quinton t. Jones.


Addy's friend?


Yes.


The reserved professor. Come right in.


We have a seat reserved for you.


Professor jones, this is danny, and this is mickey hightower.


This is professor jones.


Professor jones, I'll get virgin addy -- oops!


I'm so sorry.


It's a natural mistake. She's so innocent and all.


But I'll get addy for you, samantha for you,


And I'll get the chief for you.


Addy, professor jones is here.


Go away, nell.


Samantha, danny's here.


Go away, nell.


Chief, mickey is still on hold.


Pass the mustard. Get out of here.


Wait a minute. Hey.


I am not leaving here until you hear me out.


Who threw that?


All right.


I am going to cut the lights out,


And I'm going to count to three.


And when I cut the lights back on,


Whoever threw that better be gone.


... ... !


I'm taking names.


The chief will be right out,


And so will samantha and addy.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Can't be another one.


I haven't heard so many bells


Since "rocky i," "ii," and "iii."


Yes?


Hi, I'm leonard hansman, a friend of julie's.


She didn't tell me you wore glasses!


I'm sorry! I'll take them off.


Oh. Come in, baby. Come in.


Hi. I'm rick.


Oh, yeah, the star of "saturday night fever."


I don't understand.


Yep, you are the one. Come in.


Leonard and rick, I'd like you to meet


Professor hightower and mickey jones.


No, I'm hightower. I'm jones.


Why don't you just straighten out amongst yourselves?


[ Doorbell rings ]


Oh, no, I think I got another name for you.


Oh, boy.


You got to be sarah banks.


Uh-huh. Shalom.


Huh.


Hey, girl. I'm nell harper.


But, um, wait a minute.


Uh, this is...


Tell you what.


Mickey, you've been here the longest.


You do the introductions.


[ Clears throat ]


Everybody, come on in the kitchen.


You're butting in again!


Can't you just stay out of our lives?


I want everybody to stand next to their date.


Mickey, go over there by the chief.


Who ordered roast beef on rye? I did.


John travolta, go stand back


Next to olivia newton-kanisky.


Honey, would you pass this to grandpa?


Professor jones, could you push your way through the crowd


In a dignified manner and get next to addy?


Tomato? I ordered mustard. That's mine.


Leonard, you're with the wrong girl.


Put your glasses on and move over to julie.


Who ordered the polish sausage on a hard roll?


That's mine, too.


Danny, go stand next to samantha.


You keep your hands to yourself.


Who ordered turkey on white with sliced avocado?



That's mine, too.


Grandpapa, put that ham sandwich down


And say shalom to sarah.


I'll take that.


Okay, is everybody with the right partner?


Good.


Now, turn to the person next to you


And say, "happy valentine's day."


All I did was put my hand on your knee.


Did you have to dance the whole evening with gillespie?


You jerk! Can't you see I'm already molded?


Look, without my glasses, I could kiss anybody.


You don't have to respect me that long.


I'll be in months!


[ All shouting ]


Hey! Shut up! Shut up!


Funny. You don't look jewish.


Okay, so I did cause a few little problems.


But like my wise old grandmother used to say --


And, believe me, she was the wisest old lady


In the world when it came to love --


She used to say that...


When two lovebirds are sitting on a branch


And one of them falls off and is eaten up by a possum,


The important thing to remember --


[ Telephone ringing ]


Wait. I'll get that.


Hello?


Oh, james, please. No, no, don't apologize.


No. I was wrong. It was my fault.


Where? Okay.


I love you. Bye-bye.


Where is she going? Nell?


Uh, nell, aren't you gonna finish your story?


What story?


Your grandmother's story.


The lovebirds.


What does she say to do when one lovebird falls out of the tree


And gets eaten up by the possum?


Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.


Oh, she said, "why waste time on a dead bird


When there's a live one waiting at the airport?"


♪ Restless as a willow in a wind... ♪ Oh, hi.


Sounds like you had a great time.


Well, I ain't restless no more.


I had a wonderful time.


Uh, how about you?


Well, funny thing.


As soon as you left, we all made up and had a great time.


Oh, that's good, chief, 'cause listen.


Something great happened.


I've come to the conclusion that I am not going to ever --


Ever, ever, ever --


Interfere in anyone else's love life again.


Oh, sweetheart, what are you doing up so late?


I can't sleep.


What's wrong?


I've got a problem, aunt nell.


Okay. What is it?


Well, it's about my girlfriend --


[ All shouting ]


Baby!


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break