02x21 - Nell and the Kid

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪



♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪


♪ It's time I made it to the top ♪


♪ Gimme a break, I'm looking forward ♪


♪ Get behind me, pull out every stop ♪


♪ I want a happy ending, I'm tired of pretending ♪


♪ Won't let 'em get the best of me ♪


♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa


♪ Gimme a break


♪ The game is survival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ And plan my arrival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ For heaven's sake


♪ What happened to my piece of the cake? ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Oh, gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Hey, gimme a break!


Max!


Max!


Hold it! Hold it! Hold it, huh?


You're gonna wake up the rump roast.


If it isn't "jaws ."


Lighten up, max. I didn't know anybody was here.


Next you ring the bell like that, you better be on fire.


Okay, I didn't see anyone. Where were you anyway?


Well, if you'd like to know, nature called.


Well, it looks like mother nature called you and hung up.


Bingo.


One for the lady with the runaway mouth.


Right this way, please.


Uh, give me two pounds of roast beef,


A pound of pastrami, some cole slaw,


And a loaf of rye bread.


I'll be with you in a minute!


That's okay. Take your time.


Anything else?


Uh, how about the swiss cheese? Is it fresh?


Absolutely. It was yodeling this morning.


Okay, well, give me some pastrami


And slice it real thin.


But watch out for your fingers


'Cause you have to count with them.


Hey, kid.


Yeah?


Hey, school out already?


Uh, well, not regular school,


But I go to a special school for bright kids.


I'm one of those mentally gifted,


Genius children you read about.


Oh, really? I met a genius once.


He told me chicken fat would grow hair.


Wow, is that sturgeon?


In the flesh.


Sturgeon?


Oh, max, I haven't had sturgeon in years.


Is that $ . ?


What do you feed it? Lobster?


Hey, nell, I don't make any profit on sturgeon.


It costs me $ . Wholesale.


And with the overage and the spoilage,


I make about cents a pound.


I still couldn't afford it.


What about shark?


What about shark?


Well, if the shark eats the sturgeon,


You get two for one.


Very funny. Can I have my groceries, please?


Yeah, here it is.


That'll be, uh, bucks plus tax.


For what?


For service with a smile.


Max, please don't smile on my food.


You'll spoil it.


Hey.


Uh, here, ma'am, let me carry that out for you.


Hey, wait a minute, kid. Hey, hey, hey.


Wait a minute.


Why, what's the matter?


What's the matter? This kid is stealing me blind!


What are you talking about?


I didn't take anything!


You didn't, huh? What is this?


Pizza looking for an anchovy?


Anchovies? How did they get in there?


Oh, they were probably going upstream


To spawn under your armpit.


I'm gonna call the cops.


No, no, wait. No, wait, wait.


Um, listen, um, um, this is my cousin from alabama.


And everything that she took,


I told her to buy for me.


Yeah. You did?


Yes.


Well, what about this?


Did you tell her to buy smoked oysters?


Oh, yes. I smoke three cans a day.


Hmm. And what about this?


A "wonder woman" comic book?



[ Laughs ]


Oh, that's the story of my life.


Me and my sister got to get home now, okay?


Uh, cousin. Cousin.


Yeah, my cousin. [ Laughs ]


Okay, well, bye-bye, max.


Uh, see you at the shoplifters anonymous meeting!


[ Groans ]


Okay, out with it, danny.


Out with what?


Why were you shoplifting?


I wasn't shoplifting.


I-i just had a temporary cash flow problem.


Okay, where are your parents?


Well, my -- my daddy is working on a tramp steamer,


And, right now, he's in south america


Rounding up tramps.


Okay. Where's you mother?


She's in training for the olympics.


Oh. What's her specialty?


Throwing the bull?


Listen, danny.


I'm really getting tired of your lies, honey.


I mean, for someone who's supposed to be


As smart as you are,


Can't you realize when someone's trying to be nice to you?


All right! I never knew my father!


And my mother ran away when I was .


Is that a lie, too?


I wish it was.


All right.


Well, where have you been staying, then?


With my grandmother.


Come on.


What are you doing?!


Get up.


You're gonna call your grandmother.


I can't!


Danny, call your grandmother.


She's -- she's sick.


Call your grandmother!


What's the matter, danny?


She died three weeks ago!


Just get away from me.


Danny.


I got nowhere to go.


And someone else moved into our apartment.


Danny...


Where have you been staying s-since your grandmother died?


Hanging out,


Sleeping in empty buildings,


Stealing food.


When the city catches me,


They're gonna -- they're gonna wind up


Putting me in a home somewhere.


Nobody's gonna lock me in a cage, nell!


Come here.


Just don't touch me.


Please, come on. Just relax.


Come on. Trust me, please.


Come on. You're all right.


[ Door opens ]


He was just so gorgeous.


Hi, nell, what's happening?


Oh, you got company.


Yes, uh, girls, this is danny.


Danny, this is julie and katie.


Hi. Hi.


What store did they rob?


No, they belong to me.


I see the resemblance.


Are you a friend of nell's?


Yeah. Nell and I go way back.


She and my mother used to be stewardesses.


Come on.


On jumbo jets?


Why don't you two excuse us a minute?


Let me and my old friend talk for a moment, okay?


Let's get something to eat.


Well, thanks for the food, nell. I got to go.


Wait a minute. We not through talking.


You just can't go around living in empty buildings.


Look... Danny --


...you don't have to worry about me.


I can stand on my own two feet.


I go it alone.


Nell, don't let him take me away!


Well, so much for going it alone.


Is this the kid you met down at the deli?


How did you find out about that?


I had a very interesting call from max green.


Look, I can explain.


Um, nell, I got to go to the bathroom.


Yeah, honey, it's right in there.


See that door? Go in there.


According to max, she swiped bucks from his register.


Oh, please, chief.


Are you gonna believe a man whose head glows in the dark?


Oh, what are you doing here?


I came to visit my money. Where is it?



Take it easy, max.


I wouldn't be a bit surprised if she was in on it.


You got five seconds to apologize,


Or the next chopped liver you serve will be your own!


Nell, max has got a legitimate complaint


That has to be investigated.


[ Toilet flushes ]


Oh, hi, mr. Delicatessen.


Uh, honey, um...


The chief and mr. Green, here,


They seem to think that you stole $ .


Me? Are you kidding?


[ Both laugh ]


Take a good look at this face.


You think I'm kidding?


It doesn't look like you're breathing.


Search me. Go ahead. Search me.


Search her, nell.


Well, i-i did see "hill street blues."


Okay.


She's clean.


I can't believe you'd think I'd do a thing like that.


All I know is, when she came in the store,


The money was in the register,


And when she left, it was gone.


Hey, that's the trouble with you older guys.


First the hair goes, then the eyes.


Come here.


I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take you in, young lady.


I found this $ bill floating in the bowl.


Wait, danny! Stop it!


Sit down!


You flushed the rest of it down, didn't you?


You see? Do your duty!


Hit her with a choke hold!


That's what it is.


This little monster -- bucks right down the toilet!


Now what am I gonna do?


Would you like to borrow my snorkel?


{,…}


To jail, do you?


I was thinking more of the electric chair.


You know, you're right.


She has to pay for her crime --


Even if she is an orphan.


She's an orphan?


She probably sold her mother and father.


Can I see you a minute? Come here.


Just what good is it gonna do to put her in jail?


Well, at least my anchovies will feel a little safer.


Okay, max, the way I see it, you got two choices --


One, you can put the little girl in jail and get nothing,


Or you can let her work in your store


And pay off the $ that she stole.


I don't want that little thief around my store.


I'm not gonna work for him.


[ Sighing ] okay, let's go.


Put on your coat.


Come on, let's go.


Hold it, chief.


Maybe I'll drop the charges.


Well, why are you changing your mind?


Well, i, you know,


Ever since I saw that "annie" movie,


I got a soft spot for -- for orphans.


Get in the car, kid.


Give me that.


Sure.


[ Growls ]


Isn't my order ready yet? My lord, you're slow.


Here you are, lady.


I don't suppose you have someone


Who can help me with these?


Danny!


Yo, what's happening, pops?


Come on, kid, you can daydream later.


Move it!


Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute, now.


The only one that yells at that kid is me.


Well, I never.


With that face, you never will!


What are you looking at? Move it! Move it!


Hurry up!


Hey, listen, kid. I got one for you.


A guy told me this joke.


Two sardines are swimming in the ocean, see?


And all of a sudden, they see this submarine.


And one sardine turns to the other one and says,


"Look at that! Canned people!"


[ Laughs hysterically ]


Huh, kid? Canned people!


[ Whimpers ]


What's wrong with you, kid, huh?


What do you got, a broken arm?


You didn't touch your food tonight.


Get off my back, pops.


All right.


Okay, if you're finished with your meal,


Clear the table.


You expect me to clear the table, too?



That's right, I expect you to clear the table, too!


All clear.


You want to be the only kid on the sun?


What did you do that for?


Why not? This place is one big trash bag.


That's it, kid. You're out of the will.


Hey, look, if you want me to live here,


You're gonna have to make some changes.


What do you think this is, "little house on the prairie"?


And toss that beat-up old rug.


This beat-up old rug was given to me


By my grandmother from the old country.


Where's that?


Brooklyn!


Gee, are you stupid.


And you can, um, get some curtains and repaint the walls.


Listen, this was good enough for my wife,


And it's gonna be good enough for you.


Your wife?


You mean you actually got someone to marry you?


Hey, I'm getting tired of your smart mouth, kid.


And I'm getting tired of your mouth.


You noticed I left out "smart."


We got a problem, kid.


Oh, we got a problem, kid.


No, no, kid, this isn't gonna work out.


I feel bad.


What? What was it? What was it?


Something you ate down in the store today?


Well, I didn't really eat anything...


Except for some sturgeon.


How much?


Everything after the head.


[ Gasping ]


$ . !


$ . A pound!


I should let you die!


But I hardly touched the pickled beets


And the three-bean salad.


Hey, don't throw up on the rug, kid!


Not in here! Not in here, kid!


[ Vomiting ]


Listen, kid, could I give you a bit of advice?


Lift up the seat!


[ Toilet flushes ]


Every time she flushes, I lose money.


How do you feel, kid?


I'm okay.


You'll be all right. Here, go to sleep.


You'll sleep over here.


Yeah. Yeah, where's my bed?


On the sofa.


Okay, I've slept in worse dumps.


Hey, kid, what are you doing?


Don't you remember anything? You're a girl!


You don't get undressed in the living room.


Go in the bathroom and put on your pajamas.


What pajamas?


Put on my pajamas.


They're on the back of the door, on the hook.


Hurry up!


Okay.


[ Muttering ] boy, she's something.


These kids today.


These are kind of big.


Well, put them on for tonight!


And tomorrow we'll put you on a hook and stretch ya!


What are you doing with all this grecian formula?


Kid, don't be touching my personal stuff.


Okay. Where's my blanket?


Here.


It's an old one I had from the navy.


I didn't know they had horses in the navy.


Here, kid, you'll need a pillow.


No, no, no, no, that's okay, I don't need a pillow.


Yeah. Hey, wait a minute. This is a little lumpy.


What's with this?


[ Metal clanging ]


Hey.


Okay. You got me.


I'll call the cops.


No, forget it, kid. You don't have to call the cops.


I understand.


What do you understand?


Hey, i...i've been there.


I haven't been this rich all my life.


I can tell by your belly you haven't been hungry.


Come here, kid.


You know, when I was your age...


...things weren't easy for me.


My mother,


She used to send me to the butcher store


To get a free bone for the dog.


Only, we didn't have a dog.


And then at night, my stomach would start to growl.


And all the neighbors thought we really had a dog.


You know, I guess that's why I opened a deli.


I really do.


You know, I always figure, if ever I get hungry,


I'll always have plenty to eat.



I guess you're like me --


You need to be near some groceries, too.


I'm sorry I took it. I'll put it back in the store.


No, that's okay, kid. You keep it.


You'll have something with you


In case I throw you out.


Okay, turn out the light.


Hey, wait a minute, kid. Are you some sort of weirdo?


Don't you say your prayers before you go to bed?


Every kid says their prayers.


Hey, I don't believe in god.


Yeah, well, maybe he don't believe in you, either.


If there was a god,


He wouldn't have let my grandmother die.


Hey, kid, your grandmother died,


My wife died, we all die.


That's life.


Are you gonna die?


Yeah, but don't hold your breath.


Kneel.


Okay.


Now, repeat after me.


Now I lay me down to sleep...


Now I lay me down to sleep.


...i pray the lord my soul to keep.


I pray the lord my soul to keep.


And if I die before I wake...


I-i hate that part.


You know something?


When I was a kid, I hated that part, too.


Can't we just get to the "god bless us"?


Go for it.


God bless grandma, grandpa, my mother,


My father, nell, samantha,


And the dodgers.


Did I miss anyone?


No.


Now can I go to sleep?


Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow, kid.


Mr. Green?


Yeah, kid?


Hey, pops, I didn't forget you.


I just didn't want you to get cocky.


Good night, kid.


Good night.