02x20 - Glenlawn Street Blues

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪



♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪


♪ It's time I made it to the top ♪


♪ Gimme a break, I'm looking forward ♪


♪ Get behind me, pull out every stop ♪


♪ I want a happy ending, I'm tired of pretending ♪


♪ Won't let 'em get the best of me ♪


♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa


♪ Gimme a break


♪ The game is survival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ And plan my arrival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ For heaven's sake


♪ What happened to my piece of the cake? ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break!


[ Doorbell rings ] if you'd listened to me, none of this would have happened.


If I had listened to you,


We'd be back in poland eating raw potatoes.


Hi, folks.


Hi, nell.


Well, what happened?


Well, we had a little accident.


No, I think she meant "since the wedding."


Stanley stopped short on the freeway


To avoid hitting an airplane.


There was an airplane on the freeway?


Actually, it was a fly on his glasses.


Nell, it was an enormous fly.


I thought it was a .


The guy in back rear-ended you?


Yeah, and then the car in front front-ended us,


And then the car alongside side-ended us.


You should have heard the name-calling.


We had to take a taxi here.


Oh, I'm just so glad you're safe and sound.


Well, I'm safe all right.


"Sound" is up for grabs.


Samantha, how about some checkers?


Sure.


Grandpa, let me take your coat first.


No, no, no, no. The coat stays on.


Well, all right. I'll be back.


What'd you want to see me about, mom?


Sonny, I'm worried.


Your father got a letter in this morning's mail,


And he's been acting strange ever since.


He's got the letter in his overcoat,


And he won't let me see it.


You think he's got a bimbo?


Come on.


No, I mean it.


He always had an eye for younger women.


He winks at anything under .


Come on, ma. You can still turn his head.


Yeah, and it takes a chiropractor to turn it back.


But he's acting so strange.


Look at him.


Sitting there in an overcoat in the house.


You don't think that's strange?


Maybe he's cold.


The only time he gets cold


Is when he leaves the trapdoor down on his long johns.


Mom, I'm sure there's a perfectly logical reason


Why pop's wearing his coat.


Like what?


Maybe after dinner he's gonna go flashing.


Here you go, pop.


Oh, thank you, carl. Thank you.


Grandpa, why do you drink liquor?


Well, I never could figure out what else to do with it.


Samantha, help pop with his coat, will ya?


That's all right. I'm back. I can do it.


Hold it!


Gin!


You just won a kiss, grandpa.


Well, thank you, darling.


Next time, let's double the bet.


Two kisses or nothing.


Come on, let me take this coat before you overheat.


From your mouth to god's ear.


What was that all about?


I'm dying to know what's in that letter.


All I need is one quick snoop.


Well, maybe he doesn't want you to know what's in that letter.


Of course he doesn't want me to know what's in that letter.


That's why I have to know what's in that letter.


Papa, that's enough checkers.


Why don't you go talk to katie and julie?


Yeah, grandpa.


Come take a look at the family album.


Stanley, you're tapping your foot. You know what that means.


Oh, shizatsky, she's sending me to the bathroom.


Chief hey, mom!


Come on, now.


You're not supposed to read somebody else's mail


Without their consent.


This is a private letter


And should only be read by the addressee.



If I were to read this...


Like this...


It would be a violation of the law.


Uh-oh, this is bad.


It's another woman.


I knew it.


I'm paying for all those headaches.


No, it's a notice from the owner of your apartment building.


They're turning the place into a condo.


What's gonna happen to us?


They give the tenant first crack at buying the apartment.


Buying it? We can't even afford to rent it.


Oh, now, don't go to pieces, mom.


I'll be out on the street...


Like a gypsy


Or a hooker...


Only I'll be too old to be any good at it.


Look, why don't you kids go upstairs


And do your homework, huh?


We got some family business to discuss.


[ Sighs ]


Uh-oh, they're gonna talk about sex.


Ho, ho, I see the cia is out tonight.


Well, if your family can't spy on you, who else can?


Oh, shizatsky.


Mildred steams open all my mail.


The envelopes smell like orange pekoe.


Look, pop, now that we know


About your apartment going condo,


Believe me, there's nothing to worry about.


Who's gonna give me $ , ?


Hmm? Not the tooth fairy.


I ran out of teeth long ago.


Pop, you got two sons that love you.


If you have to buy the apartment,


We'll come up with the down payment.


Oh, charity, huh?


A handout from my sons. Forget it.


Well, he may forget it,


But I still remember all the hours I put in


Changing your diapers.


We'll take the money.


Never.


I'd rather sit on the curb in a loincloth like gandhi.


I'm leaving.


No, you're not.


For once, you're gonna listen to me.


Oh, yeah?


Mildred there he goes, turning off the hearing aid.


There's nothing worse than a man you can't nag.


Pop, don't do this.


I'm your son!


Yeah, I thought you looked familiar.


Ohh.


There. You're turned on. Now listen.


Grandpapa, why don't you let the chef help you?


Where are you going?


I'm leaving.


Well, you haven't got a car.


I'll walk.


Look, I'll drive you home.


Just wait here until I get my car keys.


Stanley, let your sons help you.


In a pig's patootie.


Look, I'll arrange a loan from our own bank.


A loan.


They turned you down for a calendar.


Yeah, but I've got a contact now,


A certain gregory wellington.


He has an inside track to the loan department.


'Scuse me.


Grandpapa, listen, tomorrow I'm going shopping.


Why don't I take you to the bank?


Well, all right,


But I know how you've been looking at me,


So no funny business.


This is our mr. Swinborn.


Jason swinborn iii.


I am stanley kanisky the first.


Nell harper. My folks lost count.


You see, nell drove me down here.


Oh, a lady chauffeur.


Aw, is that your full-time job?


[ Southern accent ] when I ain't doing the windows, yes.


Right.


Well, now, wellington, our trusted guard here...


Uh, wellington? Huh? Oh, yeah.


...informs me that you're both here to apply for a loan.


It seems that the waverly arms apartment building


Is going condominium?


Yeah, that's latin for "kick the old folks out."


[ Laughs ]


Right. Well, what can we do for you?


Well, I need a loan for a mortgage


And a very small down payment.


You want us to loan you both?


You got a deal. I'll take it.


[ Laughs ]


First we have the matter of the application.


Just a few simple, routine questions.



Now, may I have your full name?


Stanley kanisky.


We must know your age. Do you have a birth certificate?


Yes, indeedy...


Somewhere in poland.


Believe me, the man was born.


Oh, it just came to me -- I am .


[ Laughs ]


?


Well, sir, how can you possibly pay off a -year mortgage?


You'd be .


Why should it bother you? His father's going to cosign.


And who knows?


By then, I may have a job.


No job?


Uh, sir, may I just ask --


What is your current source of income?


Social security.


That's all?


Well, my big money


Comes from picking aluminum cans out of garbage.


The recycling center gives me cents a pound.


Well, that's not very much.


Well, perhaps not.


But my savings account in this back comes to five figures.


[ Gasps ] five figures.


$ . .


Mr. Kanisky, I'm afraid


We're going to have to turn your application down.


What if I put up my car as security?


Or my wife?


They're both only a little damaged.


Sorry.


Rejected.


Wait a minute,


You mean you're gonna turn away this poor, old man?


You're gonna turn him down for a loan?


Excuse me.


Where are you going, nell?


I'm going to withdraw my christmas club.


Next window, please.


Tootsie, I want to withdraw my christmas club.


I came here for money, and I'm not leaving without it!


Well, get this, you old goat --


I wouldn't loan you two cents


If you changed your name to "reagan" and danced swan lake.


I don't have to stand here and listen to this kind of thing.


What are you doing? What have you got there?


You turn me off, I'm gonna turn you off.


You're gonna off me? You're gonna off me!


Excuse me, sir.


Excuse me, but that uncouth woman over there


Is demanding money.


Shh! He's hiding a g*n in his jacket!


Gum on my jacket? There's no gum on my jacket.


Don't sh**t! Don't sh**t!


Here's my g*n. We surrender!


A cigarette lighter?


I don't want prizes! I want cash!


Cash, yes.


It's in the vault, in the back room.


The bathroom. Now you're talking.


Gregory, gregory, show him the way.


What ya got your hands up for?


I'm the one that has to go.


Uh, hold up, nell. Hold up. I'll be with you in a minute.


All right, grandpapa.


Holdup?!


It's a holdup!


Yes.


D-d-d-did that old man say "holdup"?


Yes, and I'm tired of waiting for my money, too.


They better give me mine!


A-are you with him?


Yes.


[ Screams ]


Oh, child, please do something about your breath.


Get me a cup of water! The woman demands water! It'll be all right.


What's wrong with that idiot?


Oh, the bank is being held up!


There's a man with a g*n in the vault!


[ Gasps ] oh, grandpapa!


Oh, I got to get grandpapa!


Oh, what if he gets hurt!


Aah! Oh, please, please, no bloodshed, especially mine.


I'll give you all the money.


What?


I'll give you all the money!


Well, I'm glad you've come to your senses.


Now, look, I got a neighbor who'd like a loan, too.


Uh, phil...phil sacks.


"Fill sacks," right.


Fill sacks, everybody!


Tellers, fill the sacks with money! Everybody!


Psst! Psst! Psst! Grandpa!


Nell, get off your knees. We don't have to beg for the money.


They're giving it to us.


No, grandpapa, there's been a robbery!


Yeah, I think they've stolen the bathroom.


No, no, we're being held up!



Oh, well, I better go tell the guard.


No, grandpapa! Hit the ground!


Aah!


Here's your water, ma'am.


Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.


You'll be all right.


You want a light?


Oh, no, no.


Don't give it to me now. The bank's being robbed.


That's why I'm giving it to you!


Oh, I get it. You want me to sneak out with it.


That's what I'd do.


Do I need to sign for this?


Oh, no. That's all right.


We know who you are.


You're clyde, and she's bonnie.


And you're daffy duck.


Nell, you don't have to flatter him.


I've got the money. Let's go.


Hold it. Wait a minute.


Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.


If you got all the money, who is robbing the bank?


He is!


[ Sirens wail in the distance ]


He has nothing to do with this!


Of course! I see now.


You're the brains behind all this.


Oh, of course, how clever of you to use an old man


As a front for that condo story.


What makes you think that he did it?


Because he's got a g*n!


He's got two g*ns!


Grandpapa, you got a g*n?


Well, yeah, he gave it to me as a gift.


It's not a real g*n. It's a cigarette lighter.


That plant made a suspicious move.


[ Sirens intensify ] grandpapa...


[ Tires screeching ] give me the g*n.


I can't hear, nell.


Must be some trouble in the neighborhood.


Chief attention in the bank!


This is the police.


We've got you surrounded.


Come out with your hands up.


That's the chief. That's the chief.


Yeah, he'll straighten all this out.


Wait a minute, you know the chief of police?


Yes, I work for him. This is his father.


They're all in this together!


We're doomed!


This is your last warning.


Come out with your hands up.


We want to avoid using tear gas...


Due to cuts in our budget.


All right, that's it.


I'm sending in the s.w.a.t. Team.


Go get 'em, simpson.


All right, you mugs!


Reach for the sky!


I want to see armpits!


Where are they?


There they are! You caught the whole g*ng!


I don't see them. Are they all hiding behind nell?


They're not hiding! That's them!


"Them" who? That's my father.


And that's my housekeeper, nell.


I can explain this, chief...


If somebody would explain it to me first.


That old man's carrying a g*n!


Should I sh**t him, chief?


Simpson, that's my father.


Oh, yeah.


You better turn your back while I do it.


Put that away!


What's going on?


Well, why don't you ask the man with the g*n?


Pop, what's this all about?


Chief, promise me you won't get mad.


Don't sh**t me.


Where did you get this?


From your father.


Pop, what the hell were you doing with a g*n?


The guard gave it to me.


Because he's got another g*n under his jacket.


This is nothing but a hearing aid.


You were gonna hold up a bank with a hearing aid?


I wasn't going to hold anything up.


I came here for a loan, and they gave it to me.


Oh, will you just give me this, you degenerate old man?


Look, you had years to get some brains


And learn how to save some money!


But would you do it? Oh, no!


You took the easy way out.


You grab a g*n,


And you barge into my bank and put us all through hell!


Hold it, sonny!


Stop flapping your jaws!


It's my turn now.


And I've got a few things to say.


You say I had no brains



And didn't learn how to save my money.


Well, you tell me how I could save much money.


I was busting my butt putting my kids through school,


Trying to feed the family, and keep a decent home.


And now that I'm years old,


The money I've saved isn't worth a lick of spit!


I came in here to get a loan, not charity,


Not a gift, not a handout, but a loan!


That I intended to pay back, every cent of it.


But you wouldn't give me the money.


The only one you'd give it to is a man with a g*n.


Now, why?


Why is it easier in this country


For a crook to get money than an honest man?


I may be an old man, but i...


I may be an old man, but I am a man.


And I'm not getting the respect I deserve.


Sir -- sir, you deserve more than respect.


And I want you to know that my bank has a warm heart.


And that's why I want you to open your own personal account


So that I can have the pleasure of giving you


A free waffle iron.


Thank you so much.


And we want you to feel free...


To stop by anytime...


And sit on it.


That's a really great picture of you, grandpa.


[ Laughs ]


Yeah, you're a real handsome dude.


You look real pretty, nell.


Of course, who wouldn't look pretty


Holding a big sack of money?


Oh, shizatsky.


My zipper's at half-mast.


Pop, your problems are over.


You mean I'm dead?


I went down to your building and saw your landlord.


Oh, he's dead?


No, but I think that I was able to straighten him out.


How'd you do it?


By using my charm and wit.


Oh, police brutality?


I merely pointed out a few things to him.


Like what?


Like all the building violations


I'd have to report if he decided to go condo --


The cracks, the holes, the bad plumbing.


You went down there


Pretending to be a building inspector?


Your father wouldn't do something as low as that.


Would you, chief?


Of course not.


I got somebody to do it for me.


You got something coming up loose over there, chief.


What finally happened?


The landlord suddenly changed his mind.


He decided not to go condo.


All right.


Uh-oh.


This wire is all frayed.


I have to cite you for another violation, chief.


Keep away from that, simpson!


But if you ever decide to go condo,


You could be in big trouble.


[ Electricity crackles ] ohh!


Nell simpson?


Simpson!


Simpson, are you all right?


Uh, yeah, I think so.


But I'm having a little trouble breathing.


Chief that's because I'm choking you.